The Akatsuki Stories
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. Devil May Cry belongs to some other guy.
Chapter XX
The Best Faceless Member Contest!
It was the middle of the night when Itachi heard a strange noise. He got out of bed and went to the source of it. It was coming from Tobi's room. Go figure.
" Tobi, if you stole Dei's clay, at least make it look like you didn't take it when you're done playing with it." said Itachi to the door.
No answer. This time, Itachi knocked and no one answered. He sighed and blew it open with a shadow clone. Itachi stepped inside to see... Tobi and Leader thumb wrestling?
" What are you doing, Tobi?" asked Itachi, looking from him to Leader.
" Tommorow is the Annual Best Faceless Member Contest!" yelled Tobi gleefully.
" It's a contest where all the members who don't show their face compete in different events to see who wins." added Leader.
Seeing his chance, Tobi crunched Leader's thumb down, starting the count.
" 1,2,3" he said quickly.
Leader cried out in pain, his thumb swollen.
" TOBI YOU FLATTENED MY THUMB!!" he yelled at the orange-masked member.
Just then, Deidara peeked through the door.
" What's going on, un?" he asked.
" TOBI CRUSHED MY THUMB!!" yelled Leader again, splattering spit all over Tobi's face.
Then, Blue ( that's what I call the nameless member) looked through the door, seeing a shaking Tobi, calm Itachi, and mad Leader.
" What are you guys doing?" she asked.
" Hey!" yelled Leader, " When'd you get in the story!?"
" I'm a member of the Akatsuki." she said.
" Yeah, yeah. But you're a GIRL, UN!" yelled Dei, pointing at the flower in her hair.
" At least I'm not a guy who looks like a girl." Blue muttered under her breath.
" WHAT'D YOU SAY GIRLIE!?" screeched a very angry Deidara.
" Um guys? This isn't part of the plot." said Leader.
" What plot?" said Itachi, holding Volume 82 of his favorite book series, " We're just part of a bunch of short stories the author makes."
" Fine then, un." grumbled Deidara, still glaring at Blue.
" Tobi wins first event!" cried out Tobi victoriously.
" What's the next event then?" asked Blue.
" It's the mystery event." answered Leader, holding his swollen thumb.
" Well, I guess we should go back to sleep, un." said Deidara, headed for the door.
" Me too." added Itachi, following Dei out.
" Just one minute." said Blue, " why am I not in the contest?"
" You're a girl and only MEN can compete!" said Tobi.
He was then strangled by Blue.
" I'll beat you guys in this contest!" she said, leaving the room in a huff, " You'll see!"
Tobi was choking and his neck had nail marks on it.
" What's her problem?" aske Leader, " She's not even IN the contest!"
The next morning...
All the members had gathered in the auditorium for the next event.
" I wonder what they're going to do." said Sasori.
" Maybe it's going to be money counting!" said Kakuzu, taking a deep sniff of the bundles of cash in his hands.
Everyone sweatdropped.
" I think it's going to be who can die faster." said Hidan, many kunai impaled in his arms.
" Well I don't care!" yelled Blue, " Let's just get this over with."
Tobi appeared on the stage, holding two cylinders in his hand. Leader appeared also with one cylinder. But the cylinders were...LIGHTSABERS!?
" RAAAAH!" they yelled as they started bashing each other with them.
Everyone sweatdropped.
" They're beating each other with TOYS?" wondered Zetsu.
" This organization has gone to a new low." said Itachi plainly, obviously more interested in his book then the stage.
Leader knocked down Tobi, beating him with his lightsaber, going Kabuto on him.
Three hours of senseless beating later...
" I WIN!" cried out Leader.
The tip of Leader's light saber was stuck in Tobi's back, and he wasn't moving, flies buzzing over him.
" Tobi, get up." said Sasori, kicking him over.
" Looks like it's a tie." said Kisame.
" Then it's time for voting!" cheered Tobi weakly since Leader strangled him with a rope.
In the Map Room...
" You guys are going to write the name of who you think is the best faceless person is." said Leader, holding some strips of paper.
" VOTE FOR TOBI!" yelled out Tobi as he was dragged out of there.
30 minutes later...
" TIME'S UP!" yelled Tobi as the members put their slips in the box.
Leader took them out and read them:
Itachi-Leader
Kisame-Tobi
Deidara-Leader, un
Zetsu-Tobi
Kakuzu- Leader
Hidan-Tobi
Sasori-Tobi
Blue-Leader
" A TIE!?" yelled Tobi, running around the room.
" Looks like it." said Itachi.
" I WON'T STAND FOR THIS!" yelled out Tobi again, " IT'S EITHER ME OR HIM!"
He pulled from his sides to black and white guns with the words Ebony & Ivory on them.
" Where'd you get those?" asked Leader, backed up to the wall.
In Devil May Cry...
" Dante, LOOK OUT!" shouted Lady to her half-demon ally.
A Sloth knocked Rebellion from his hands, leaving him defenseless.
" NO PROBLEM!" he yelled reaching for Ebony and Ivory and...wait a minute...THEY WERE GONE!
" Maybe I shouldn't have lent that orange dude my guns for pizza." realized Dante as a Vanguard approached him, a scythe in his skeleton hands.
" Uh oh."
Back at the lair...
Tobi had started shooting at Leader's feet, who had no weapons.
" DANCE MY PUPPET DANCE!" he screeched maniacally.
" I like his style." said Sasori, everybody sweatdropping.
" Tobi, stop." said Blue, squeezing the back of his neck.
Tobi fell to the ground, unconcious.
" I think we know who the best faceless member is." said Blue.
The next day...
" WHAT!?"
Tobi and Leader couldn't believe it. BLUE WON!
" I TOLD YOU LOSERS I'D WIN!" yelled Blue to Tobi and Leader.
" BLUE, YOU"RE THE OWNER OF A BRAND NEW SANDMOBILE!" announced Baki, appearing out of nowhere.
The Akatsuki went "OOOH!"
Taking her trophy, Blue ran to her new Sandmobile and drove off before Tobi and Leader could tackle her.
" Looks like she beat you." said Itachi.
" Not for long!" said Leader, " Tobi put a stinkbomb in the trophy before she left!"
You could make out what happens next...
THE
END