Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it

Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.

Here's your Host Club chapter, in honor of making it to the 20th chapter, but first – a bunny!

oOo

Arthur found himself sitting in the last class of his day – World Studies. Professor Smith was a nice enough lady, but the bushy-browed blonde had other things on his mind. He tried to take notes to no avail. Instead, he let his professor drone on about Irises throughout world history and pretended to be paying attention.

"Irises became prevalent around 60 years ago, but they've been around far longer than that," she walked around the room during her lecture. "Irises were so rare before then, it's believed those with 'The Sight' or the ability to use an Iris, were often famous prophets, oracles, and inventors. Who can cite evidence of this?"

Arthur ignored his classmates offering answers such as ancient artifacts and hieroglyphs as old as time itself. While historically important, this had nothing to do with his current situation. Arthur had more noteworthy things to think about than how many soothsayers it took to put him here with magic eyes. Human evolution was a drab enough topic on a normal day, much less one where his attention wasn't his own to give. Growing increasingly impatient, he started drumming his fingers against his leg.

Bugger it, is that clock even moving?

The final bell of the day dismissed the students from class. Swarms of teenagers poured out of their classrooms, discussing important things such as tonight's homework, so-and-so's boyfriend, and whether the Headmaster's hair was real or not. A certain preoccupied Englishman ignored all those things and quickly made his way to his locker. There was no additional work waiting for him at his locker. He was Arthur bloody Kirkland, and tonight Arthur bloody Kirkland didn't have homework. He had a date with a bunny.

Arthur was eager to visit the rabbit he and Francis had recently rescued. It was a huge relief to hear she would be making a full recovery over the next week or so. His Iris proving useful for a change was still a strange concept to the blonde, but it was a welcome change from all the grief it brought over the years. If he could figure out how to use it to help others, he might start actively paying attention to them more…Maybe.

"You're here early, mon lapin," Francis greeted him at the school gates. "Are you ready to visit the other bunny?"

"I've been ready, frog," he scoffed. "You're the one who's late."

"Ah, you're so pleasant when you're impatient…"

"Who's impatient?!"

Arthur drove this time, insisting that he hated Francis's driving. The blue-eyed senior not so subtlely reminded him that his track record is much better and he always remembers which side of the road to drive on. This earned him a shove and a thinly veiled suggestion on where Francis could shove his opinion.

The two soon found themselves sitting in the small waiting area of the vet clinic, looking at animal magazines until the receptionist called them over. A nurse met them at the main desk with a kind smile and took them back. The group passed several scales for weighing animals of all sizes and a large medical cabinet before reaching their destination. Arthur couldn't help but dash past the nurse once they entered the back room where the overnight and extended-stay animals were settled. The rabbit twitched her nose and sniffed the blonde's fingers upon noticing them in her kennel. She appeared to trust him, so he stroked the soft white fur on her side. While she had several bandages and injuries, she seemed pleased with the attention. Arthur gently chuckled, forgetting where he was.

"I don't think we're supposed to offer our fingers to the animals, mon cher…" Francis smirked.

"Sh-Shut up, wanker!" the tsundere blushed, retracting his hand immediately. "Do you still have the basket?"

"Of course," the wavy-haired blonde held up the small basket they had filled with carrots, cabbage, and other vegetables they thought the rabbit patient would enjoy during her recovery.

"Aww, that's so sweet!" the nurse giggled. "I promise we'll take good care of her until she's ready to come home."

"Do you have any idea when that might be?" Arthur asked anxiously.

Francis stifled a laugh. His boyfriend sounded like a worried little kid. Or at least he did until Arthur shot him a glare and mouthed the words 'Shut up and die' (or possibly 'Stuff us with pie' Francis was better at reading body language than lips). Luckily, the nurse didn't seem to notice.

"The doctor said if she keeps recovering at this rate, she can be released next Friday."

"Perfect, we'll be finished with the Host Club by then!" the Briton nodded.

"Yes, we can pick her up after our shift is done."

"E-Eh?" the perplexed nurse looked back and forth between the two boys. Did they really work at a host club? They seemed so young! Sure they were both good looking, but still…

"Would that be okay to pick her up then?" Arthur asked the woman, his green eyes hopeful.

"O-Of course!" she smiled, trying to shake off the idea of the high school students working in a host club. They seemed like nice enough kids and maybe some women were into that sort of thing. She shouldn't judge…

The two blondes exited the building (after promising the bunny they would see her soon), taking their time in the parking lot.

"You look relieved, Eyebrows…"

"I'm just glad I can take her home soon, Frog."

"Wait a second…" Francis froze.

"You don't think Mint is going home with you, do you?" Arthur laughed at the idea.

"As if Jeanne would be happy being neglected by you with all your responsibilities…"

And with that, a custody battle broke out.

oOo

Alfred woke up bright and early after a long night of increasingly bizarre text messages from his cousin (something about frogmint?) His feet hit the carpeted floor and he made his way to the bathroom to quickly shower before getting ready for school. Ten minutes later, he was toweling his hair dry in front of the mirror. Alfred caught a glimpse of his reflection and tried to stop from using his Iris on himself. He lost track of how many times he had to keep himself from using his gift to see if he and Lovino were qualified to be together. Having his Iris do the work for him made him a little uncomfortable with the idea. Distracting himself with the rest of his morning routine, he returned to his room to get dressed.

Once he was wearing his uniform, Alfred made his way downstairs and wolfed down some toast with orange juice. Before he left for Lovino's house to surprise him with coffee, the blonde ducked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He cringed when he realized he hadn't waited long enough and the orange juice-toothpaste combination left a horrible aftertaste in his mouth. Again, his eyes flickered to his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask if I'm qualified to confess my feelings to Lovi…" he mumbled, focusing his Iris on the question. "It's more like 'self-motivation' than 'cheating' right?"

He was rewarded with a blue 'O' floating above his head.

"Alright!" he cheered. "I knew I could do it!"

oOo

"The day it happened was just like any other, I suppose. I was on my way to work in World Academy, a dark patch of dirt choking on its own test scores. Things were bleak, but hey, that's the way the world works. It's become routine for me, a cop who's done just as much bad as good…Yep, just an ordinary day, until he walked in…with the case that changed my life."

"Gilbert, these Maple Rolls are delicious! Would you mind getting me another?"

"You got it, dollface."

"U-Um, excuse me," a stringy-haired boy interrupted, clenching a piece of wrapped bread to his chest. "Why are you narrating this?"

"Don't interrupt me, beanpole! I was just getting to the good part!" Gilbert growled like a bear woken up two weeks too early. Ever since this morning (when Kiku delivered tan trench coats to the World Academy Police Force) there had been a sudden change in the snowy-haired boy's personality.

"S-Sorry!"

"So, where was I? Ah, yes…It was raining that day. Hard enough to wash away a cross-dressing Frenchman's shame. I was sitting with my Birdie, Matthew, enjoying myself," the albino began again. "Lord knows that songbird's got golden pipes…"

"Okay…?" the other boy scratched his head. As far as he knew it had been sunny all day. "But wasn't it—"

"One-eyed Lizzy said you had dreams of being a mobster. Maybe you made it…stranger things have happened in this joint…"

"A…mobster?" the kid repeated in disbelief. He started sweating like a pig in July. "I'm not a bad guy!"

"Oh…then how do you explain your crime?"

"My crime? What crime?"

"How about the one you just committed against all of humanity?!" Gilbert pointed an accusing finger at him. "Tell me, did you even think of the victims and their families after you took that Maple Roll?! Huh?! Did you?!"

"L-Look, you're making a mistake," the skinny boy's hands shook. Any harder and his bones would start clattering like a rattlesnake with no bite. "I'm really sorry I took the last pastry, but that's hardly a crime!"

"It is when I promised to grab it for my boyfriend!"

"B-But I paid for it and everything! Just ask the lunchlady!"

Gilbert clicked his tongue in annoyance, but before he could get back to punishing the boy with more of his narrative, his boss walked over. Commissioner Vargas was far from your average bumbling fool of a chief. He didn't have time to make friends with everyone like some political lapdog or weasel out of things by hiding behind his badge. The boss had his own brand of honor. He wouldn't abuse anyone's trust and would be the first to let a guy know (often quite loudly) when they'd crossed him.

"What the hell is going on?" Lovino asked sharply. "And why does that kid look ready to piss his pants?

"October 2nd, 20XX…The day began like every other. Pulling awake in my office chair, with a bottle of Red Bull, a dry throat, and a head that was ringing like church bells…" Gilbert launched into a dramatic retelling of the tale.

"Uh-huh," Lovino cut him off, gesturing at the other guy. "Okay, your turn. See if you can do it in less than a hundred words."

The scrawny sophomore retold the story for the Police Commissioner, praying he would be slightly saner than Gilbert. As he got to the end of his testimony, the brunette could feel a headache in his future without consulting the braindead shadow seer on his left.

"What were you thinking?!" Lovino snarled at his officer.

"I know," the albino sighed. "That kid was trouble on two legs…"

"Go get lost and catch some real criminals, bastardo!"

"There's no greater crime than forcing me to break a promise to my Birdie…" Gilbert adjusted his imaginary fedora.

"If you're so caught up on the fucking bread, go ask the kitchen staff for more. They might have extras," Lovino huffed, crossing his arms. "You can take that, drop it off with Matthew, and then check behind the tennis courts for dipshit bullies extorting lunch money."

"That's an awesome idea!" Gilbert broke into a wild grin and took off in a flash, clichéd detective coat tails trailing behind him.

The remaining two boys watched him go. Lovino shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could will away the oncoming headache. He kept telling himself it was better for the albino idiot to get all of the stupidity out of his system now before the big Host Club event. Somehow, he just knew he'd get blamed if his minions pulled something crazy. The Italian looked up and opened his eyes. For whatever reason, the skinny boy was still standing there, so Lovino decided to address him.

"Uh…sorry about that idiot," he frowned. "He's new."

"Th-Thanks for saving me!" the boy nodded. Lovino walked off and left the kid mumbling to himself. "Maybe Iris Zeroes aren't so bad…"

oOo

For being so against the idea at first, Roderich began to shine after taking the helm of the Host Club fundraiser. He and Kiku combined their organizational skills to ensure everything was set up perfectly before the final bell. Tables were set, pristine white tablecloths flowing over them and blending nicely with the expensive tea sets laid out on each. In the far corner of the room was a long table stocked with every kind of coffee and tea imaginable. A glass shelf housed two dozen cakes, prepared freshly that morning. Even with the sliding door closed, the smell of tiramisu, mille feuille, and other confections intermingled with the bold coffee and soothing tea aromas. The ordinary spare music room had been transformed into something resembling a garden party and a formal restaurant. It was perfection.

Naturally, the two managers expected the same from the hosts.

"You must remember to arrive promptly each afternoon, because reservations start right away, Kiku informed them all on the first day. "Tardiness will not be tolerated."

Alfred winced when he felt Kiku's cold eyes on him. His Japanese friend was like a totally different person when he was really into something. The Hero shrunk back, practically crashing into Lovino.

"Watch it, hamburger bastard!" he hissed.

"Sorry, Lovino!"

"Hmph," came his response, his green eyes flickering to the sad excuse of a tie Alfred was wearing. "Come here, stronzo…"

"Huh?" the blonde turned back around and tried not to move when Lovino's hands found their way to his chest. The brunette crossed the wide end of Alfred's necktie over the narrow end, his fingers moving faster than his explanation.

"Y-Your tie's crooked!" the tsundere blushed slightly. "What kind of an idiot can't even tie his own tie properly?"

Lovino hastily drew the necktie upwards towards Alfred's collar, until it was snug. The Italian then smoothed over the front side to hide any wrinkles. His face heated up more when he felt Alfred place his hands on top of his own.

"Thanks, Lovi!" he flashed him a million dollar smile.

"Che…It's not that big of a deal…"

Roderich got everyone's attention when squeals of delight could be heard from the other side of the music room doors. He quickly went over the rules of proper host etiquette (that he may or may not have modified from a very strange comic book Kiku had lent him) and reminded the hosts to wave him or his co-manager down if a problem arose. When he finished, most of the boys wandered over to the tables as the guests trickled in.

Lovino instinctively hung back once things got started. He still thought the whole idea of a Host Club was weird as hell and he didn't want to get in the way. Kiku was a scary bastard when his otaku side (as Alfred called it) came out. The Italian was fairly certain he didn't want to be involved in some sword demonstration gone wrong if his Japanese friend got too upset with him.

"Lovino-kun!"

"W-What?!" The brunette jumped a little, remembering all too late that Kiku could read minds. He crossed his fingers that whatever was on the black-haired boy's clipboard was more important to him than what was going on in his head.

"Don't wander too far; you have an appointment at Table #3."

"Huh?" He looked around at the clients waltzing around the remodeled music room, trying to figure out who it could possibly be. Lovino honestly hadn't been expecting anyone besides his dumb brother to visit him.

A beautiful woman with a green silk scarf pulling back her soft golden hair waved back at him daintily.

"M-Ms. Mertens?"

Bella took that as her cue to walk over with a smile. Other students stared at him in awe as he guided her over to the designated table and offered her a chair.

"Thank you, Lovino," she smiled her cat-like grin, reading his mind. "I'm happy to support my favorite cooking student~!"

Antonio chose that moment to walk by.

"Lovinito, you're making me jealous~!" he joked. "How sneaky of you to steal the prettiest professor in school!"

The Italian felt his ears burn, but Bella had things covered, laughing lightly.

"Try to save your charm for tomorrow, when we have our appointment…"

It was Antonio's turn to blush and he quickly left on Cloud 9. To say he walked away would be a stretch, the Spaniard was practically skipping. His cousin watched him for a moment before turning back to the Belgian woman, completely astounded.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone leave Antonio speechless…"

The two laughed and decided on their drinks – tea for Bella, coffee for Lovino – and he headed to the bar area to fetch both. When he returned, he noticed the variety of people filling the room. It was a small wonder Kiku and the uptight bastard could contain them in the waiting area. The vast majority was female students, but there were still a few guys and several teachers present. Lovino poured the herbal tea into the blonde woman's ceramic teacup, sitting down when she was content. He felt more like some kind of waiter than a host, but he did it with class.

"U-Um, thank you for helping our fundraiser…" the tsundere tried to thank her in the least awkward way possible. He didn't have a crush on her and it was still embarrassing.

"I was happy to," the culinary professor grinned. "It was the least I could do to support the school. A lot of the other teachers agreed and are involved too."

"I noticed," he managed a grin. "I'm just glad I didn't get stuck with one of the creepy old farts, like the potato bas—er, Ludwig did."

"Or worse," she grinned back. "My brother!"

It was easier than he thought to make conversation with his teacher, even though the setting made him a little uneasy. For the majority of Bella's 20 minute appointment, they alternated between making fun of Tim and discussing all of the desserts available during the week. After hearing how Lovino made the tiramisu, the Belgian professor was eager to try some. Not surprisingly, she wasn't disappointed and praised her cooking prodigy of a student. The time flew by and before he knew it, Lovino had successfully completed his first appointment. He thought he'd get a break, but ended up finding himself busier than expected. As soon as Ms. Mertens left, Feliciano arrived.

"Ciao, fratello~!"

"Hi, Feli…"

Lovino was less of a gracious host to his little brother in comparison to Bella. Not that it would be completely obvious. It had been a struggle to get the little twerp to stop talking long enough to get his order. Feliciano was bouncing in his seat with excitement over the whole thing and happily rambled on about how he loved the new curtains and the themes at each table.

"I hadn't noticed…" Lovino took a small bite of his coffee-flavored dessert.

"Ve~ Really? This table has all flowers and birds on the tea set, so it's like a garden!" he clapped his hands together. "Actually, I signed up to have an appointment at a different table with you every day this week, so we'll get to see most of them!"

"Words cannot express how much I don't care…"

"And the ones I don't see with you, I'll see with Ludwig~"

"What was that?!"

"Hee, hee…I thought you said you didn't care, fratello!"

"Listen here, you little—" Lovino caught Kiku giving him a disapproving look. "You little…darling brother…I don't want you to let that…that guy do anything weird to you, okay?"

"Okay, Lovi!"

Feliciano changed the subject and went on for great lengths about the other table themes. One had a sea theme with mermaids on the tea set and pieces of coral and shells on the table. Another had candles, starry skies, and hand-drawn constellations. Feli's favorite was the one with famous artwork replicas. Lovino tried to take some comfort in the fact that at least he was getting more practice with taking and delivering orders for his brother, so when he had to again for 'real' customers, he wouldn't be nervous. Given Feliciano's appetite, Lovino was quickly learning where everything was located at the food and beverage table.

Although there were points that Lovino was certain time stopped flowing during his brother's 30 minute appointment, it was soon time for Feliciano to leave. The amber-eyed boy was excited that he would get to spend time with Ludwig next, but stopped when he felt his brother tug on his sleeve.

"O-Oi, Feli…"

"Hmm?"

"Th…Thanks for dropping by…"

"Anytime, fratello~!" Feliciano hugged him. Lovino weakly returned it.

"How adorable!" Elizabeta cooed. "Mei, are you getting this brotherly love shot?"

"Of course, president!" the girl at her side gave her a thumbs up with her free hand, video camera in the other.

"What do you want?" the tsundere quickly shoved his brother off him, eyeing the Hungarian suspiciously.

"We're your next appointment!" she grinned, holding up the slip of paper that confirmed it.

"Che palle…"

oOo

Alfred was doing exceedingly well with the Host club. As one of the top-requested hosts, Kiku and Roderich couldn't book him fast enough. Taking his otaku friend's advice, Alfred had brought a deck of cards with him to perform card tricks for his guests. They weren't anything fancy (he learned how to do them during his 'Magician Phase' in elementary school), but everyone seemed to enjoy them. When he wasn't entertaining folks with magic, he brought out the red panda family.

"Ooh! They're so cute, Alfred!" exclaimed the young transfer student from somewhere near Australia (Alfred could never remember where exactly).

"Did you pick out names for them yet?" asked her friend.

"Of course! I named them myself!" he bragged. "The one you're holding, Olivia, is the boy. His name is Oli."

"It's nice to meet you, Oli~" the curly-haired girl smiled, patting his head.

"The two girls are Lulu and Indy," he gestured to the sister climbing his arm. "And the mom is Val."

"Are those short for anything?"

"Nope!" he grinned.

It was an inside joke between him and Lily, but he had intentionally used 'nicknames' as actual names for each panda. For example, Oli was just 'Oli' not 'Oliver' (a name that gave him the creeps for some reason). As much as Alfred would have loved for Indy to be short for Indiana Jones (the famous adventurer, who Alfred claimed was somehow related to him, fictional character or not), he held back for the sake of his master plan. A plan so creative and so clever, that not even Lovino would catch on…right away…maybe. The secret was that if you take the first letter from each red panda's name, you get L,O,V,I – Lovi. So basically, the nicknames form a nickname.

It was Alfred's way of indirectly naming them after the brunette who saved their furry little tails.

Over at Table #5, a group of six girls pooled their allowance to spend an entire hour with both Antonio and Gilbert. The boys entertained them by writing an awesome song about all the people at their table. It was painfully obvious to anyone walking by that some of the guests (and hosts) were more lyrically-inclined than others. When they finished the song-writing session, Antonio took out his guitar and began strumming. To the girls' delight he and Gilbert performed the song with great enthusiasm.

"Mi reina, Sarah, quiero ser tuya…Won't you be mine, as well~?"

"What do I have in common with Marie? We're both awesome! Anyone can see!"

"Our Linda is so bright, she makes us blind. A lovelier girl, you will never find…"

"Ohhh, Angel! Sweet Angel...um...nothing rhymes with Angel! But she's still cute!"

Ludwig had the greatest variety of guests visit him. The German went from discussing political science with some professors who considered him a prodigy and wanted his opinion on various matters to eating ten different kinds of cake with Feliciano and listening to him talk about the bunny painting he was working on in art class.

"Feliciano, you should really slow down on the cake," Ludwig advised. "Would you like me to bring you something to drink, instead?"

"Are you kidding me? This cake is delicious!" Feliciano licked the frosting off his lips. "I bet Francis made it! More please!"

Ludwig sighed and wished he hadn't agreed to the terms of 'the customer is always right.' If somebody didn't cut the Italian off soon, he'd go into a sugar high and probably break something. However, when Feliciano proceeded to tell him he hadn't had this much fun since Homecoming, something stirred in the German's chest. Ludwig didn't need his Iris to know that was the truth. Even if he couldn't find the right words to voice it, he felt the same. More than that, he liked being somewhere near the source of Feli's happiness. The blonde did as asked and brought him more cake.

"Thanks, Ludwig~!" the brunette beamed.

"Of course," the German nodded, using his napkin to wipe off the stray bit of chocolate icing from Feli's cheek.

Across from them, Arthur was poised elegantly at his chair, the picturesque gentleman. He was exceptionally knowledgeable about all the tea they were drinking, having picked out most of it himself. The fact that he could hold an entire conversation about tea, their companies, and England surprised Arthur. This wasn't nearly as awful as he'd assumed. The Briton just told himself to pretend it was an informal business meeting with highly-valued stockholders. Unbeknownst to him, his guests didn't care what he was talking about as long as he kept doing it with that adorable accent.

"Of course, that daft frog disagreed with me, but Twinings is the finest flavored tea in the entire world. Anyone who tells you any different is talking rubbish."

"Can I have another cup?" one of the heart-eyed girls asked him.

"Certainly," Arthur carefully lifted the teapot and filled the cup to the brim. "There you are, love."

"Omigawd!" she squealed, bouncing in her seat while clutching her rosy cheeks. Her friends followed suit, leaving one very baffled Brit to try to make sense of the situation. Nothing came to mind.

"…Something I said?"

Francis was completely in his element. He flirted, flaunted, and made every girl he spoke with feel like a princess. If he wasn't doing so well with his studies (and wasn't the current heir to a wealthy company), he could probably make a career out of this.

"The spring of my heart surges upon the sight of your fresh smile, my love…"

"R-Really?" one of the three girls at his table swooned.

"Yes," the blonde smiled, placing a delicate kiss on her hand. "When you're in front of me, my heart beats so quickly, it's as if I am a youth tasting love for the first time!"

"What about me?" the second girl inched her way forward. This was considerably easier now that her first friend had successfully melted into a puddle of happy goo.

"You are the beautiful mermaid who sheds light into my sea of loneliness!" Francis bowed to her and winked at the third girl. Before she could ask, he spoke for her. "And you, the sinful goddess who taught me about the forbidden fruit!"

The girls squealed with delight, pleased with his assessment about qualities they may or may not have actually had. Roderich couldn't bring himself to listen to any more of Francis's nonsense, but Kiku had to admit he was a very successful host. Not once did he ever hear the blonde repeat a compliment to a different customer. He had a flair for the dramatic, but Francis was clearly one of their most talented hosts.

Kiku was very sneaky about his appointments, especially around Roderich. On the surface, they seemed like normal appointments, but were actually under-the-table business deals. He sold photos and other SHIP club merchandise to his clients and took photo requests for future projects. Of course, whenever Supervisor Edelstein would walk around, the black market items would vanish and Kiku would tell tales about finding serenity under the sakura trees or a fierce kendo fight at his family's dojo. His guests knew he was covering up the sale, but many urged him to finish his stories even after Roderich had left.

oOo

"So was this thing your idea or Kiku's?" Lovino asked Elizabeta, as he poured drinks for her and Mei.

"Kiku's, but I couldn't be more proud!" she grinned, blowing on her coffee. "I've trained him well…"

"I suddenly don't want to know…"

"So now that we have you for the next fifteen minutes, how do you plan on entertaining us?" The Hungarian smirked.

"Oh, I thought I'd dazzle you with my blossoming social skills…" Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Ooh, you're blinding me with sass, how original! What else you got, prettyboy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm assuming you were a little more pleasant with your earlier guests?" Elizabeta laughed.

"…I mostly just let them talk and I listened."

"Sounds like every girl's dream!"

"Th-Then will you listen to my doujinshi idea?" Mei cut them off by shyly reaching into her bag and pulling out some kind of sketchbook.

"Uh, sure?" Lovino had no idea what a dough-chin-sheep even was. He hoped it wasn't code for a SHIP ambush or something.

Mei didn't pick up on the hesitance in his voice and happily flipped open her sketchbook to page after page of mermaids and mermen. She explained it was going to be her debut doujinshi, so she was quite proud of it. Mei flipped across several pages of merfolk and undersea paradises. When she got to more of the close-up character models, Lovino started noticing…things.

"W-Why does that one look like me?" Lovino pointed to the one called 'Prince Romano,' who had an oval-shaped face, distinctive hair curl, and lean upper torso.

"Ooh, you're right, Lovino. He does look an awful lot like you…" Elizabeta giggled.

"And w-why does this one look like Alfred?" The Italian pointed to the next character model, flipping the page to see if there were more lookalikes. "…And holy shit, what are they doing?!"

"I hope you don't mind, I wanted to create original-looking characters, so I based them off of people I knew," Mei smiled innocently. "Song of Storms is the tale about Prince Romano, who's a runaway from shallower waters, looking for more out of life. Along the way, he encounters Prince Merikano, or Merik for short, who's from deeper, more predatory waters. They instantly feel a connection and slowly fall in love with each other over the course of the story…"

"Hmm… 'Little fish, little fish…your kind isn't meant for deeper waters…'" The long-haired Hungarian read the words printed neatly above the collection of pictures. "Is that the catchphrase? I like it!"

"Yeah, it's…great," Lovino offered when Elizabeta elbowed him.

"Thank you~!" Mei exclaimed joyfully.

Lovino was thoroughly creeped out that someone wanted to draw him of all people into a love story (and more than a little embarrassed by who was the model for his character's love interest), but forced himself to behave and play nice after catching some of the glares Roderich and Kiku kept sending him. When the girls' appointment was over, Elizabeta strolled over for her time slot with Roderich. Mei thanked Lovino again for looking at her doujinshi, it made her feel confident enough to show Alfred next. The brunette managed to nod and hoped to god Alfred didn't hurt her feelings somehow.

oOo

Before Lovino could flag down his American idiot and warn him about the contents of Mei's seemingly innocent sketchbook, his next appointment had arrived – Lily, chaperoned by Vash. It was an awkward appointment if there ever was one.

"S-So what brings you in today, Lily?" he asked, pouring a round of coffee and trying not to let Vash see his hands shake. He really didn't want to get shot today.

"I wanted to support you, because you've helped me out so much before…as a friend," she replied sweetly. "You really are a good friend, Lovino."

Lovino nodded gratefully, hoping Vash would catch on. She was there because Lovino had helped her out before as a friend. As in she had no romantic feelings for him, because she only saw him as a friend who had supported her in the past.

It's not like I have any secret feelings for her either…The only person who ever caught my eye was…dammit, no! Not important right now! Focus!

Lovino forced himself to smile pleasantly. Vash still scowled at him.

Despite all Lily's valiant efforts to make the atmosphere less tense, Vash only stopped intimidating his homeroom student when he had to stir his coffee. Not even talking about the cute red pandas could turn his frown upside down. Both students were downright shocked when they called one over and baby panda face nuzzles proved ineffective against the angry Swiss. Lily puffed out her cheeks and decided to get back at him for scaring her friend for no reason.

"Thanks for spending time with us, Lovino," Lily happily reached into her purse at the end to tip him, knowing what would come next.

"What are you doing?" Vash asked her sternly, money being his other trigger.

"Tipping him for a job well done."

"There's no reason to."

"Then I'll just use the tip money to go visit one of the others," she replied innocently. "I see Francis and Gilbert are available."

Vash's face turned a nice shade of red. Quickly, he tipped their host for her and led Lily out before less gentlemanly hosts could shamelessly flirt with his little sister.

oOo

Alfred was having a lot of fun with the Host Club fundraiser event. Kiku was right – it played their strengths and was easy money. He just wished he had more time to spend with Lovino. Hosts weren't allowed to visit other hosts on the clock because it took away client time. Alfred had to settle for watching his classy Italian from afar.

"Hello, Alfred!" a cheerful voice pulled him out of his staring contest with the back of Lovino's head.

"Hi, Mei!" he returned her smile, guiding her to the table indicated on her card. "You must be my next appointment!"

He had learned by watching Lovino that girls got a kick out of a handsome guy offering their elbow and pulling out their chair for them. Alfred knew how nervous Lovino was at first, but that Italian was the definition of suave when it came down to it.

After fetching them both a teapot of Oolong tea (Alfred made a point to always try whatever his guest ordered too), they settled into their chairs. The Hero was about to amaze her with a polished card trick, but noticed the notebook she set on the table.

"What's that?" he asked, gesturing to it.

Mei's eyes lit up once more and she opened it up, summarizing the story for him. Alfred ran his hands over the different merpeople tails, half-expecting to feel the sleek scales under his fingers. He was pleasantly surprised to spot a few with faces he recognized. Mer-Lovi had a red, white, and gold color scheme. His tail had several feather-like fins jutting outwards with a striped pattern. Several smaller fins were also adorning his back and arms. He was downright stunning. Flipping the page, Mer-him had darker shades of blue, green, and silver for his color scheme. His tail was a bit longer than the other Shallow Water dwellers, and resembled something like an eel with additional fins for maneuverability. Most importantly, he had a long whip-like dorsal fin on his upper back with a light source attached, allowing him to glow in the dark. How awesome was that?

"Whoa…the art looks amazing!" Alfred couldn't tear his eyes away from the pages. "You're a really good artist, Mei! And the way you drew the tails or fins or whatever is so cool!"

"I'm glad you like it so much!" Mei was beside herself with joy. "I based Prince Romano off a scorpionfish and Prince Merikano off a viperfish."

"So, do you think me and Lovi would make a good couple?"

"Yes! Yes, of course you would!" she replied very enthusiastically.

"That's good to hear," Alfred let a grin grace his face.

"Wait, you didn't think you'd make the cutest couple ever?"

"Oh, no. I think we're practically made for each other. It's just nice to hear someone else thinks so too."

Alfred was incredibly confused when Mei started squeeing herself half to death and promised to give him a signed copy of the first volume and every release after that. Then she started speaking too fast for him to understand, but he figured she was happy with how ecstatically she was shaking his hand. Alfred had no worries about eventually telling his friends about his giant, earth-shattering crush on Lovino after he confessed to the Italian. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would be supportive…he just wasn't expecting any of them to be this supportive.

Mei's excitement was causing several heads to turn their way, which Alfred laughed off. It was funny not being the cause of a scene himself for a change. A tiny part of him felt a little guilty for all the crap he put Lovino, Matthew, and Arthur through…When the Taiwanese transfer student finally calmed down, he swore her to secrecy and told her how he planned to confess to Lovino before they left for the night. After hearing those magical words, Mei actually broke down crying tears of joy for the couple.

Half of her tears fell because this was a huge step for both of them and the other half because she knew how Kiku had this room wired well enough to cover more angles than her AP Geometry class. Come tomorrow morning's footage, she was going to be a very happy fangirl.

oOo

Fueled by his final appointment of the day with Mei, Alfred made his way over to Lovino. The brunette had been gathering the various teacups off his table to return to the 'kitchen' area of the room. Alfred took a deep breath and decided not to beat around the bush any longer. He was going to tell Lovino straight up how he felt about him. Gathering his courage, the hero tapped the older boy on the shoulder. Lovino spun around and set the dishes down.

"Are you alright, hamburger bastard? Your face is all red…"

"I'm fine," Alfred laughed. "Just nervous…"

"Why?" Lovino arched an eyebrow. The scary part of the day was over wasn't it? All the guests had left (minus his little brother who had stayed to help clean/glomp the potato bastard).

"Because I finally worked up the nerve to tell you how much I love—"

"MINT!"

"JEANNE!"

"Her name is Mint, and that's final, you fro—ah!" Arthur had been walking backwards during his fight with Francis, causing him to bump into his cousin. The Briton ended up spilling the remnants of his tea all over Alfred's back, causing Francis to trip and follow suit, dousing Lovino's shirt in lukewarm coffee.

"Dammit! What the fuck?!" Lovino shouted.

The Axis trio quickly jumped into action and were on the scene in seconds. Kiku was worried about the safety of his OTP—er, employees. He had two cold washrags in hand, in the event the drinks were still hot and potentially burned either boy. To his relief, they weren't and neither host was injured. Feliciano was terrified the tea and coffee might stain their clothes, causing him to instruct both to strip.

"The hell with that! This is a music room, not a locker room!" his older brother growled back, turning bright red.

"Forget that, you need to take your uniforms off right away!" Feli insisted.

The two could only stare at him, half-stunned and half-embarrassed, so the younger Vargas brother started peeling off Lovino's shirt.

"Ve, do you need help too, Alfred?" he asked when the blonde didn't follow suit (not noticing that Lovino looked ready to murder his dear little fratello).

"Uh, no, I can manage!" the Hero shrugged off his shirt and handed it to the OCD Ludwig, who was somehow apron-clad and ready to treat both tops with a pre-wash stain remover.

Ludwig informed them it should help for now, but both uniforms should be washed right away for best results. Feliciano agreed there was not time to lose and dragged his half-naked brother out the door to get home and do laundry before any further tragedies struck. The President was left standing there abandoned by everyone save for a large German writing him a list of recommended laundry detergents and a guilt-ridden Frenchman, promising to take care of it for him if he wanted. At some point, Arthur had fled the scene to take care of his tea. Had his fellow tsundere still been there, he would've called the Brit a 'sneaky, tea-sloshing bastard.'

Nothing good ever comes from English tea… Alfred thought gloomily. …But at least I got to see Lovino shirtless…

oOo

Alfred tossed his trademark jacket on over his bare chest. It was time to start heading home, which was a welcome relief after recent events left him a little tired and disappointed. He recalled his dad was away on business again, so he would most likely toss a frozen pizza into the oven for dinner. Maybe two…he was starving! A ringtone sounding suspiciously like Canadian, Please buzzed his phone to life in his back pocket.

"I've really got to stop losing this thing around Mattie…" he mumbled, opening the text message.

Matthew won points by promising him actual food, so Alfred made tracks for his Mom's house first. His mouth started watering as he tried to guess what they made – tasty pork roast? Delicious glazed salmon? Classic hamburger casserole? Somehow he ended up jogging.

And dessert! I bet it's chocolate cookie Nanaimo bars! Oh, man...I think I can smell them from here!

Now he was sprinting.

"I'm heeeeeere!" the Hero announced, throwing the door open and barging inside…to find himself face to face with Gilbert. Judging by the albino's astonished expression; he wasn't expecting Alfred to show up either. Either way, the annoying albino was the last person Alfred wanted to deal with after his love confession to Lovi blew up in his face not 20 minutes ago. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Stop your shouting, Alfie!" his mother pinched his cheek. "Is that any way to greet company?"

"Sowwy, Mawm…"

"Good," she nodded, releasing him. Emily ignored the way he rubbed his red cheek and led the two boys into the dining room. "Matthew made a nice meal for us all, so we're going to sit down like adults and enjoy it."

"I think I changed my mind," Alfred huffed. "Fropi, it is."

"You sit your butt down or I'm cutting you off of my chocolate chip cookies!" Emily grabbed his ear and tugged him towards a chair. "Matthew worked very hard on this while you were off shamelessly flirting with girls all afternoon!"

Alfred wanted to object, but wisely shut his trap…his mom made the best chocolate chip cookies. He settled on giving Gilbert the stink eye and sat beside his mother. The albino scowled back, but softened his expression when Matthew laid a hand on his forearm.

"Now that that's all settled, how was school today, boys?" Ms. Williams asked, her pleasant demeanor back.

"It was good, Mom," Matthew responded for them all. "Thanks for asking."

"I managed to get a bunch of extra maple rolls at lunch after some crook tried to take the last of 'em," the self-proclaimed Prussian grinned. "They were almost as awesome as Birdie's cooking."

Alfred could only glare at Gilbert from across the table. He still didn't trust the guy around his bro, even if his mom and said-bro did. Matthew was his only twin brother and deserved the best! Gilbert seemed too caught up in himself to give Mattie the attention he deserved…and Mattie already had enough identity crises to last a lifetime. Alfred didn't want to see his brother get hurt, so he had to protect him! Wasn't that his job?

Emily was annoyed by how blind her idiot son was (a trait he clearly got from his father). Gilbert may be loud, impulsive, and a little obnoxious, but so was Alfred himself. If anyone could handle Gilbert, it's Matthew, who's had a lifetime of experience dealing with Al.

Both of the Williams members tried to force some polite conversation out of the visitors, but their responses were mixed. Gilbert seemed to be willing to try for Matthew, but refused to even look at Alfred for the entire meal, aiming all of his chatter at his Birdie and Ms. Williams. Alfred barely managed even that, focusing more on scarfing down everything on his plate as fast as he could so he could finish his fourths and leave…after dessert.

Matthew grabbed the plate of fresh maple cookies from the kitchen and passed them around the table. Everyone took one or two until the plate reached Alfred and he just kept it in front of him, chowing down on sweet, delicious cookieness.

"No fair hogging them all, Alfred," Gilbert chuckled. "Share some with the rest of us, kesesese!"

"Make me," his blue eyes dared him.

"Al…" Emily spoke up in a warning tone.

"Why am I the only one in trouble?" he pouted back.

"Because you're Smaug-ing all of the cookies," she replied.

"Fine, I gotta get going anyway," Alfred stood up. "Thanks for the meal, Mattie, but next time warn me when you're bringing weirdos to family dinner."

"But then he couldn't invite you," Gilbert retorted.

"What was that?" the Hero glared him.

"Guys—" Matthew tried to break them up before fists started flying.

"It was nice to see you again, sweetie," Emily led her irritated son towards the kitchen. "I made you a bag of cookies to take home. Let's go get them, okay?"

"Okay…"

Gilbert sighed and stood up after they exited.

"I better get going too…" he grinned at the blonde. "Before I'm tempted to hit your brother again."

Looking back on it, Gilbert couldn't pinpoint what it was about the crazy blonde that intimidated him. Alfred wasn't a deadly force to be reckoned with, he was a spoiled three year old who hadn't learned how to share yet.

"I-I'm sorry…" Matthew stammered.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Gilbert gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I'll seeya tomorrow Birdie, come hell or huge brothers…"

After both boys left, Emily tried to comfort her wavy-haired son. She tried to explain how these things take time and patience. The violet-eyed woman patted his back reassuringly. It was a wonderful meal. Surely both of those stubborn little boys realized how much effort he put into it.

"Why can't they even try to get along…?" Matthew's body shook with anger, surprising her.

"Sweetheart…"

"I'll make them to get along or die trying, eh?!"

Given how worked up her little polar bear was getting, Emily suspected Alfred and Gilbert had a better chance of dying than him. She patted his shoulder once more.

"Hon, don't worry about the table," she smiled. "Just head upstairs and get some rest, eh?"

The blonde retreated to his room, closed the door softly, and did what he did best (after hockey and making pancakes) – plotting! He had already watched one family be torn up around him; he wasn't going to let another fall too.

oOo

A/N – Yeah…this one got a little lengthy…oops?

I was going to have Mei introduce her doujinshi in a later chapter, but Mermano and Mermerica refused to wait.

The more I worked on this mini-arc, the more I realized Tamaki (from OHSHC and the source of two quotes in this chapter) might actually be the love child of France and Japan… O.O

-Rajikka

Translations

Mon lapin – My rabbit (Fr.)

Mon cher – My dear (Fr.)

Stronzo – Bastard or Asshole (It.)

Fratello – Brother (It.)

Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)

Che palle – What balls (It.)

Olivia – Made-up character name for Wy. I think I mentioned it in here before, but I'm too lazy to check ;)

Mi reina, Sarah, quiero ser tuya – My queen, Sarah, I want to be yours (Sp.)

Merikano – So, I couldn't find a fitting name for Mermerica that played perfectly off of using Romano for Mermano, so ended up using this. To fit the nationality theme, Merikano is based off two highly official ways to say "American" – Amerikano (Esperanto) and 'Merica/'Murica (shh, just roll with it…) "Merikano" is also Romani for "Defender" or "Of the Sea" which fits the nautical theme nicely, too.

Bastardo – Bastard (It.)

Doujinshi – A self-published work (Jp.)