20…

James was frustrated beyond words. The past three weeks had been awful, and he was only a bystander. Sirius was barely finishing his work, dragging himself to tutoring with a terrible, fake smile on his face. Professor Lupin, for his part, had managed to keep teaching in the same way. But there were awkward pauses, moments where he noticed Sirius morosely dragging his quill across the book and stopped talking. He stared at Sirius for a moment, and even James thought he looked sorry about it, probably about everything.

Because Sirius had told James everything after the confrontation with Lupin. Of course, for the sake of James's stomach, Sirius left out the relationship-y details: just told him about the conversation between Lupin and McGonagall, then between Sirius and McGonagall. He was admittedly surprised that Sirius had told Remus about his home life, James was quite sure he was the only one of Sirius's friends to know that—and he only knew that because Sirius had needed somewhere to stay when he'd run away from home.

They were now in the library, which was an odd choice for the two biggest pranksters at the school, but Lily was having a large influence on James. Damn girl—too pretty, too intelligent, too good at getting her way. But, James reasoned, he was a better man for her.

"James, James, are you with me?" Sirius hit him over the head with a book, whispering. "Wake up, you idiot."

"Yeah, sorry. What do you want?"

Sirius was exasperated. "I want you to help me with this stupid assignment! I'm supposedly a good student, thanks to Remus, I've got to keep that up."

"But why?"

"Just…it'll be suspicious if I don't."

"No, actually Sirius, it would look like Flitwick isn't doing a good job and you'll get to go back to sessions with Lupin." James raised an eyebrow.

"I don't want that. I don't want any tutoring; I'm trying to get off it now. Proving I can get by without it." Sirius hissed quickly, sounding very defensive.

"Are you trying to impress Lupin?"

"NO!" Sirius said sharply, louder than intended.

James resumed with whispers. "Because doing well in school would make him proud."

"Not my goal."

"And it would make sense for you to still want him to be proud of you, he wasn't just some teacher and wasn't just someone you pulled—it was a real thing, right?"

"Of course, that doesn't mean—"

"Do you still love him?"

Sirius stared, then scowled, then actually growled. "I haven't spoken to him in weeks, what do you think?"

"I think you didn't turn him in to McGonagall."

"That's because he didn't do anything wrong. It was consensual, I'm not going after him for that."

"You miss him."

"You're completely off your rocker. Where is this coming from?"

"I think he misses you too, Sirius."

"And I think you missed your medication this morning. I'm done with this." Sirius made to stand, grabbing for his books spread across the table. James grabbed his arm. Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Not. Funny."

"Wasn't trying to be, mate. I'm trying to be helpful. You two were good together."

"Oh that's rich. You can barely stand hearing about our relationship but you are suddenly the expert?" Sirius whispered skeptically, but sat back down nonetheless.

"I…he didn't do anything that wrong, did he?" James knew Sirius would protest and internally winced as he did what he had to do. "Look, mate, do you know how many times I wished I could've done what he did?"

"What, fuck me?" Sirius grinned, seeming to take pleasure in the uncomfortable grimace it gave his friend.

"No, you creep, I mean tell someone about your sick father and that bint you call 'Mother'. I just didn't know who to tell, you know? But you needed help, some authority…'people' or whatever need to know what kind of man he is, what he does to his children. I don't know why I didn't say anything, come to think of it, but I'm happy Lupin did. You may hate him for it, you may hate me for thinking of it, but it is really bleeding difficult to sit by and watch your childhood kicked out of you, Sirius. It is damn hard keeping that a secret for you; because it doesn't help it hurts." James took a deep breath, but Sirius didn't interrupt him, he just continued to stare with surprise. James felt his mouth dry, but started again. "So, the way I see it, Lupin did the right thing. He shouldn't have done it quite that way, but he still tried to preserve your relationship, or whatever…boyfriend…companion thing. Don't you smirk at me, you're lucky I know what the proper titles are in heterosexual relationships. And I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe it would be better if someone did know what you've gone through—you might even get a break with school if you play it right. Come on, the bloke did the best he could to preserve his…thing with you, but he wanted to help you with the abuse thing. Don't hate him for that, it means he cares. I think he really does, I think you finally got what you wanted with him. I think he really fell for you and is miserable without you. I think you're lucky to have him, and you'd be completely stupid to let it go without a fight." James finished and took another big breath. Shit, he thought, maybe Lily was right—maybe he really was a romantic.

A/N: You love me, right? Now just click the little button to review and make sure I know it!