Chapter 18 - She-Beasts
A/N- I have to say I'm rather pleased with this chapter, all-in-all. I feel like there's a lot of dialogue, but there's also a hopefully fun/bad-ass action scene in here that might make up for all the jibber-jabber. On the whole though, I felt like a lot of talking was necessary since it seems like I wasn't as blatantly clear about certain things as I should have been in the last installment. Hopefully this chapter will clear some things up. Also, I wanted to let you guys know that it's both acceptable and encouraged to hate Tivona. I haven't exactly written her to be a sympathetic character at this point, so don't feel the need to apologize for bashing her. ;D Just FYI, the herbs I mention in here were not pulled from my ass. They come from The Nine Herbs Charm found in the Anglo-Saxon Lacnunga (a book of medical texts and prayers that was written primarily in Latin and Old English). I just thought it was kinda cool and since I wanted Sally to have a somewhat legitimate knowledge of medicinal herbs, I decided to use a few of what I found in the charm.
Disclaimer- Nope, still not mine.
Sally walked as gingerly as she could manage down the man-made forest trail.
She was rather surprised at herself for not being at all frightened, given her current location and the mission she was setting out to accomplish. Truthfully though, the Easter Town woods were nothing if not as completely benign as Easter Town itself, especially when compared to those that bordered her home. They felt –dare she say it?- almost relaxing.
Instead of howling forebodingly through barren, mangled branches, the mild evening wind blew calmly through the leafy trees, causing them to swish and sigh like children on the verge of sleep. Fireflies dotted the path and surrounding ground here, too, and seemed to dance to the musical accompaniment of the crickets. The air also smelled rather bitter sweet and fresh, like a mix of lemongrass and clean soil.
It must all be very suffocating for the spiders, she thought, finding it hard to imagine that said creature would prefer any environment over that of Halloween Town, particularly this one. It was one of the many reasons (the Price's ignorance being a major factor, of course) she had begun to suspect foul play. It certainly could have been something innocent, such as an arachnid egg being accidentally carried over by one of the Halloween Town citizens, one of the possible risks of assimilation. But that just didn't suit somehow. She had no concrete reason to think it had been done deliberately, but it was impossible to shake the suspicion.
While she mulled the matter over, she took care to gather a few herbal items in case they'd be required when she found Mr. Price. Crabapples sprouted from a few of the trees she passed, and that, along with the cockspur grass that she could simply rip from the ground, was the easiest to collect. She still needed watercress, however, which she knew wouldn't be impossible to find since she saw some growing in a pond farther down the trail when she had been here last.
When she finally arrived at said pond, she had to place Mr. Price's rifle and the lamp she had brought along with her far on driest part of the bank. Once her hands were free, she was able to gather up the huge, heavy clump of her skirts and hold them as high as possible from the surface of the water as she waded out to harvest. Her knickers would be uncomfortably soaked, she knew, but needs must in dire situations.
It was in that most inopportune moment that she heard the unmistakable scream of Mr. Price coming from not too far off. He sounded frightened out of his mind, but not necessarily in agony, which was both a good and bad sign; she knew now for a fact he wasn't dead, but that he very well could be in a short amount of time if she didn't hurry. She ripped a handful of the watercress carelessly from the waterbed and stuffed it, dripping, into her bag with the rest of the collected plants. She then splashed her way quickly back to the bank, gathered the rifle and the lamp, and set off quickly and silently towards the source of the noise.
"I just don't know how this could have happened…"
Tivona paced the floor of Gloria's Boutique, nervously biting her nails down to nubs.
"I do," Gloria answered, glaring up at her from the work she was doing on one of Tivona's gowns. "Any dumb kid who ever took a basic Biology class or watched a damn soap opera knows how this could have happened."
"But I haven't slept with anyone in months!" Tivona exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "Haven't I mentioned that?"
Gloria seemed to have selectively ignore this, continuing on with her lecture.
"You just had to screw this all up, didn't you? I'm getting the best business I ever had thanks to your obsession with dresses and your husband's endless supply of cash. And you- you're a freakin' Queen for crying out loud! You've can have whatever you want, whenever you want it! And what do you do? You go off and let that vampire boyfriend of yours knock you up. Did we not have a good thing going here?"
Tivona clenched her teeth shut and groaned.
"How many times do I have to say it, Gloria? I haven't had sex in 6 months! Septimus has yet to even bring the issue up. It's been nothing but heady sexual tension and a few open-mouthed kisses- and that's if he's feeling generous. There's literally no way I can be pregnant."
Gloria stopped sewing for a moment to eye her suspiciously.
"You better be tellin' me the truth, O'Dwyer."
Tivona sighed loudly and collapsed dramatically on the chaise. "Of course I am. Why would I need to lie to you?"
Seemingly satisfied with this, Gloria simply 'hmphed' and returned to her work. They were both silent a moment before the zombie woman asked tentatively,
"You absolutely sure? She may be Mother Nature and all, but I sure as hell don't trust her. Somethin' wrong about her, I don't know…"
"Aside from the rather blatant evidence of you being here to let out my gowns, I can tell you I already visited Dr. Finkelstein. He gave me some crap about not being a medical doctor, but I was able to get him to cooperate once I reminded him I was Queen and had the power to run him out of town. It's been scientifically confirmed; I'm definitely pregnant. Unfortunately now he's threatening to tell Jack if I don't in 48 hours."
Gloria tsked and shook her head. "Coulda told you that was a mistake."
"Yeah, well, you didn't and now here we are." Tivona sighed audibly again and let her head collapse over the side of the chaise. "The only question left unanswered is how the hell this happened."
"I'd still ask that vampire boyfriend of yours. Somethin' tells me he'll have an answer for ya. In the mean time, should I start working on some empire waists? They really do flatter a pregnant Buddha belly."
"No," Tivona answered, rising sharply from her dramatic lounge and gathering her purse. "I'm not keeping this thing. Septimus is going to give me some answers and then I'm going to throw myself down the stairwell so as to induce a miscarriage."
Gloria smirked. "You might as well just do that anyway. Problem solved."
Tivona wrinkled her nose. "First, answers and then, hopefully, a more graceful method of getting rid of this parasite. I want to find out who did this and punch them in teeth."
The screaming continued as Sally moved swiftly and silently through the foliage. She was quite thankful for Mr. Price's apparently vocal nature as it both directed her to him and stood as assurance that he was still alive.
She was quick to douse her lantern when she came within a close enough proximity. It'd be a few more steps before she'd be within a good viewing distance, but she could hear the shuffling of Lionel's feet as he attempted to escape, coupled with the unmistakable hiss of a starving giant spider.
"Get away!" she heard him shout direly. "Get away!"
Sally edged in closer, still striving to be as quiet and as unnoticeable as she possibly could. It wasn't long before she saw Lionel's shadowy profile, lumbering backwards and away from what was undoubtedly the spider herself. His right leg was completely incapacitated from some yet-to-be-seen injury, and he was forced to drag it out beside him like a motionless corpse. He swung some kind of blunt instrument –probably a piece of wood or branch- in the direction of the creature, though quite sloppily, as if he was intoxicated or extremely drowsy.
It wasn't long before the beast in question came into view. Really, Sally couldn't see much detail, but the outline was unmistakable- a large hairy thing with eight spindly, crab-like legs and eight beady red eyes that caught the glint of moon every now and then. The spider was very gradual in her approach, but in the same way a panther might be to a wounded or unsuspecting antelope; she clearly knew her prey was in no condition to escape, yet there was a bit of fight left in him until her venom would do its work. She was simply biding her time until the poison worked its way through his system.
Whether the spider had chosen to use the lethal or tranquilizing venom Sally could not yet say. Regardless, she knew she'd have to work quickly if she planned to save Mr. Price from both the beast and the poison.
So Sally cocked the gun and positioned herself in preparation to fire. This would be her first time even handling a rifle, but she tried to focus harder on winging it as best she could rather than the fact that she really didn't know what she was doing. The spider was moving slow enough that Sally felt confident in her abilities to hit the spot she would need to kill the thing in one strike. So, after taking a more focused aim, she pulled back the trigger and fired, causing the once peaceful forest to be shattered by the sound of the bullet being shot out of the barrel.
She unfortunately hadn't prepared herself for the recoil, and so was harshly pushed backwards on to the ground immediately after. Sally didn't have enough time to react before she heard the rapid whisper of eight spindly legs moving quickly across the grass, towards her. Apparently, she hadn't shot to kill; she had simply wounded the beast and made it angry- so angry in fact, that the spider didn't mind abandoning her potential meal in favor of dealing with her tormentor.
The wretched sight of eight crimson eyes staring her down from a hairy face with huge pincers soon appeared above her. She could tell from the dire red hue of the spider's eyes that she was furious and ready to tear her limb-from-limb. Luckily, that wouldn't be a fatal action for the ragdoll, but it certainly would for Lionel. There's no way she'd be able to piece herself back together in time to save him.
Thinking quickly, Sally nudged the barrel of the rifle against the spider's soft abdomen. Because of her position, this move forced her to handle the gun at something of an angle, but it sufficiently distracted the beast long enough for Sally to fire once more, sending the bullet straight through the spider's book lung and heart. The eight red eyes swiveled in their sockets as the spider let out a final hiss. Her entire dead weight then collapsed on top Sally with a thud of finality.
She scrambled to quickly remove herself out from under the immense creature, grab the rifle and lantern, and hurry over to Lionel's frighteningly immovable form.
"Mr. Price!" she called as she approached, eventually falling to her knees beside him. "Mr. Price, can you hear me?"
While she waited for a response, Sally hastily grabbed plants from her bag and began tearing them into small pieces in preparation for usage. The crabapple she was forced to cut into bite-sized pieces using her pocket knife.
"Miss Stitches…" Lionel managed, his voice hoarse and his breath coming in short, ragged gasps. "I'm-…I'm in a rather bad way, I'm afraid…"
"Not to worry," Sally said, trying to hide her desperate urgency behind a pleasant tone of voice. "I'll have you fixed up in no time. Here, eat this."
She was soon shoving the torn up plants in his mouth, causing him to sputter and cough in surprise and attempt to spit the bits out.
"No, no, no, Mr. Price, you must eat this quickly. For the sake of your wife and children, you must swallow these plants no matter how awful they taste. Now, where were you bitten?"
Lionel didn't have a chance to answer as he was making a concentrated effort on relocating the spat bits of plant to his mouth and obediently consuming them. Thankfully, Sally didn't need the direction after all, as the gaping wound on his right leg was impossible to miss, even in the dark. After relighting the lantern, setting it on the ground beside her for a light source, and briefly sticking the sharp end of a needle into the flame, Sally went to work on tending to the area. Lionel gasped and writhed a bit in pain, but she didn't ask him to still. His growing strength was evidence to the fact that the plants were working as they should against the venom, for which she was extremely grateful.
"I should have-ah...never…d-doubted you, Miss Stitches…" Lionel winced as Sally continued her work on the injury with the needle and a bit of thread.
"There's no need to apologize," she assured. "It was understandable."
She glanced at him briefly in order to send him a smile, but he was in no position to see it. Her sewing was obviously causing him immense pain –as she had known it unfortunately would- but he was doing a rather good job of keeping it subdued by biting his lower lip, gripping the ground tightly beside him and staring fixedly up at the patches of night sky that could be seen through the canopy of trees.
"Th-th-there's something-ah…t-terribly wrong…" Lionel's eyes began to water from the incredible agony he was trying to subdue. "I've….ah-never seen something so…f-f-frightening in my life…"
"The spiders have existed in Halloween Town for centuries, perhaps even longer," she mentioned. "I find it rather unsettling that they've suddenly and inexplicably made an appearance here."
Having finally finished the stitch, Sally tore a sizeable piece of fabric from her cotton dress and used it to create a makeshift tourniquet around Lionel's leg.
"I'll dress it better when we get back to the house," she promised, helping her employer to his feet. "Do you think you can walk, Mr. Price?"
He then smiled weakly at her for the first time in their acquaintance. "Not without your help, I'm afraid."
She nodded in understanding and propped him up against a tree trunk as soon as the two of them had brought him to his feet.
"Give me a moment to check something, Mr. Price. I'm just going to investigate near the spider's web."
He remained without complaint as Sally walked swiftly over to the aforementioned area, both her lantern and rifle more-or-less at the ready. She poked around for a moment in the surrounding grass until she regrettably found what she had been searching for. She used the barrel end of the rifle to shift the object in question, confirming her suspicions.
"Just as I thought…" she muttered.
Curious, Lionel called over to her as best he could, "What? What's the matter, Miss Stitches?"
"An egg sac," she answered gravely. "An empty egg sac."
It was the fevered rapping that had woken him from his beauty rest. He didn't normally have visitors during the day, given his clan was made of vampires and the other creatures of the town didn't really want anything to do with him; though this last part would not be the case for long, if all went as planned.
Normally he would have ignored the intrusion altogether, but because of the gorgeous young imbecile that was now a part of his regular existence, he had to take into consideration that this might be a call that was of interest to him. His suspicions were confirmed as soon as he opened the door.
Tivona scrambled in, closing the door swiftly behind her, lifting her protective veil, and throwing her parasol to the side.
"What have you done to me?" she demanded to know, gripping the lapels of his collar and staring at him direly like a mad woman. "Answer me, Septimus. What the hell have you done to me?"
He simply smirked charmingly at her and casually extracted her hands.
"You're going to have to be more specific, my darling. Just what is it that I'm alleged to have done to you?"
He then led her by the small of her back into the immediate living room, snapping for light to be provided to them by the candles lining the walls.
"Right, like you don't know," she hissed, helping herself to a seat. "Like you haven't noticed me ballooning up like some kind of beached whale."
Septimus laughed as he poured them both something that gave the appearance of wine but was no doubt blood.
"Tivona, my dear, I'm afraid blaming me for your poor nutritionary habits won't help you fit any better any your gowns."
She glared daggers at him as he handed her a glass.
"I'm pregnant and I want to know how it could have possibly happened."
"Oh, pregnant, eh?" he said amusedly, sitting down cross-legged in the chair opposite her. "Perhaps you should tell me who the poor bastard father is. That is- you do understand how reproduction works, don't you?"
"Of course I understand how reproduction works! That's why this-" she cried, making circular motions around her stomach. "-doesn't make any sense! I haven't slept with anyone in six months, despite carrying on a supposedly hot, extra-marital affair with you."
"And you know for a fact that this is, indeed, the case and it's not just you looking for excuses to hide your overconsumption of sweets?"
"It's been confirmed by both Mother Nature and Dr. Finkelstein. I'm throwing up left and right and my breasts feel like two swollen cantaloupes. I'm gaining weight in places I didn't even know I had. What else could it be?"
Septimus rolled his eyes and licked his lips tiredly. "And you thought that I of all people would not only know what happened to you, but be able to somehow rid you of the fetus? Do explain how that's at all rational, won't you?"
Tivona groaned loudly and rose from her seat, proceeding to mindlessly pace around the immediate area.
"I don't know, Septimus! I'm hormonal and not thinking clearly. I just want to find out what caused this. Is that something you can help me with or not?"
"I don't suppose you ever gave a second thought to those witch friends of yours?" he said suggestively, idly fingering the rim of his wine glass. "Specifically, that mysterious vial of blood they so generously gifted you with that you drank the entirety of in one sitting without a second thought?"
She stopped pacing to stare blankly at him. He simply gazed back at her, leaning tiredly on his fist and waiting patiently for the realization.
"You don't think…they wouldn't- I mean…why would they?"
He shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I seem to recall there being some less-than-amicable feelings towards you ever since you abandoned their effort for fame. I would have thought it inevitable that they'd try to exact revenge, just not in such a terribly obvious way. Then again, it seems to have worked flawlessly with you, so perhaps I shouldn't judge their methods too harshly."
Tivona was apparently too stunned to call Septimus out on his insult. She flopped back on the sofa she had been sitting on before and fixated on the coffee table in front of her.
"…what the heck am I gonna do now?" she wondered out loud, sounding dazed.
Septimus finished his glass in one swig and allowed the beverage to dissipate completely before replying.
"It would seem most sensible to pay your witch friends a visit. Don't you agree?"
An evening walk with Zero seemed particularly fitting that day, if for no other reason than to get out of the castle and away from his work. There was no doubt Zero would appreciate it; despite his gradual recovery from the former 'slump' he'd gotten himself into, he was still not quite the ghost dog he had been a few months ago. Jack suspected it had simply been due to a lack of attention and outside stimuli, and being cooped up in the castle during the entirety of the honeymoon hadn't helped matters any.
As they made their way through the cobbled streets towards downtown, Jack was pleased to notice a familiar spring back in Zero's float, as it were. His wide mouth was open in a large grin and his transparent tongue was hanging out ever so slightly.
"Feeling better, boy?" Jack asked, gently patting the cold, silky head of his companion. Zero simply barked happily before gliding out ahead a ways to get a whiff of any interesting scents on the wind.
He couldn't help the smile that resulted from watching Zero prance along. It had been too long since he'd seen him express so much enthusiasm at one time. There was also the particular comfort he took in knowing that he still had one friend by his side, having lost most of them to his own foolishness. He reckoned he didn't deserve Zero's devotion or sympathy any more than he did Sally's or Victor's, but he was grateful that his companion had found it within himself to forgive.
Perhaps, with time, the others would come around too. Or so Jack hoped.
Zero suddenly began yipping excitedly, having apparently discovered something of interest up ahead that Jack could not yet see. He was compelled to sprint and catch up so as to find out.
"Hey, Victor!" he exclaimed, having finally come upon Zero's destination.
It was undoubtedly Victor, even if his face was currently obscured by the stack of blood bottle crates he was trying to balance. Zero had immediately flown over to greet him, unsurprisingly lacking any kind of awareness for what that might do to Victor's balance. Startled at the sudden presence of the ghost dog, as well as Jack's voice, he began to lose his footing, causing the wobbly stack of crates to begin to slide.
Luckily, Jack was at his side and with a supporting hand on the crates before anything catastrophic could take place.
"Sorry about that," he said sheepishly, working quickly to help Victor load the stack into the back of his wagon.
Victor smiled wanly at him after they were done and mumbled back almost incoherently, "Oh, not a problem…"
He then made an attempt to hoist himself up into the driver's seat and takeoff, presumably without so much as a goodbye. It was then that Jack knew, without a doubt, that Victor was still unhappy with him. His half-vampire friend had an endearing, if not somewhat frustrating habit of never showing anger- instead, he simply ignored or answered back with inaudible, mono-syllabic responses before exiting the scene quickly and by any means necessary.
So being the type to never take something lying down, Jack climbed up into the passenger seat before Victor sped off. The trick for curing Victor's passive anger was to never relent in efforts to win his forgiveness, and Jack was all-too aware of the fact.
"I know you're still put-out with me," Jack said, making Victor visibly jump. "I'd rather we talk about it, skeleton-to-vampire. Wouldn't you?"
Victor bit his lip and looked straight ahead as he urged the horses onward. Zero, meanwhile, floated out ahead of them as if he were re-enacting his role from last December.
"There's nothing really to talk about, Jack…"
"Oh, but I think there is. If there weren't anything to talk about you wouldn't be ignoring me right now!"
"I'm obviously not ignoring you…"
"Well, no, I suppose not, but you're still doing that thing you do. You know what I'm talking about."
Victor's ensuing silence seemed to indicate that he did. Jack was also quiet for a moment as he chose his next words very carefully.
"Look," he began cautiously. "I know you're not happy with me for what I did, and if it's any consolation, I'm not exactly pleased with myself either. I'm sorry that I drove Sally away and that I didn't consider your feelings in the matter, but I-"
Victor began laughing a bit cynically, causing Jack to lose his train of thought.
"Jack, it's not about- well, alright, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't due to my jealousy, at least a little bit. It's just that…I think I was a bit disappointed in you. I know I said at the reception that it was because of my feelings for Sally, but I think deep down I was actually quite disillusioned when I found out what you did. I've always seen you as someone of confidence and sincerity. It always seemed to me that no matter how much you were doubted, you'd never lose that belief in yourself to be successful. See, you get these ideas, Jack, that make a lot of us want to roll our eyes and encourage you to play it safe, but when you come at us with all of the reasons why you believe in them and yourself, it's hard to not agree with you. You see, Jack, you're a leader because you inspire and you inspire because you seem so sure of who you are and what you want to be and you never let anyone convince you otherwise. But when I found out that you kissed Sally…a bit of that faith that I had in you died. I learned then that even you were fallible and uncertain and…well, it was a rude awakening to say the least."
Jack nodded in understanding, sinking in on himself a little.
"I normally am quite confident with who I want to be and what I want to do…" Jack said. "Even with the whole Christmas catastrophe, I never once doubted its success. But perhaps I'm not confident so much as I am delusional and naïve?"
Victor smiled sadly. "That's a rather large amount of naïveté for someone who's two hundred years old. But I suppose what we must put into question now is your feelings towards your marriage and how they reconcile with your feelings for Sally."
Jack shook his head. He had been trying very hard to put this particular matter as far as possible from his thoughts, mostly because he was deathly afraid of what sort of truths it might reveal.
"I love Tivona," he sighed. "And I'm devoted to her. I've made a vow to never betray her or leave her side and I don't take that lightly. The only feelings I have for Sally that are of any consequence are those of my deep, friendly affection for her. But she is and will always be one of my best friends and…I thought I'd never have to imagine an existence without either of you, but…I just can't see how she could ever come back and help me pick up the pieces. There's too much standing in the way, I fear…"
Victor couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Jack so sad. He wished in vain that there were something he could say; some sort of comfort or consolation he could offer, but he knew the unfortunate truth just as well as Jack did.
"It's probably for the best, anyway…" Jack continued. "I could never really shake the feeling that Sally wasn't exactly content here. I'm sure wherever she is now she's happier than she ever could have been here…or so I hope, anyway."
"She's in Easter Town," Victor blurted out after some thought. "and working on an estate for a wealthy family."
The mention of this had quickly earned Jack's undivided attention, as well as rid him of his brief bout of depression.
"Easter Town? Did she tell you this?"
Victor blushed and looked a bit ashamed. "Not exactly. She told Ziggy in a letter, who in-turn shared the letter with me. I would have told you sooner, but…"
Yet, there was no real reason for Victor to finish his thought, so he didn't. Jack wasn't planning to dwell on the fact that his friend had purposefully not shared this information with him the moment it came to his attention. He was far more interested in keeping the peace between them, as well as pondering the circumstances of Sally's situation.
"We should write her, Victor," Jack said decisively. "We must make an effort to get back into contact with her."
"Won't Tivona mind?" Victor felt obligated to point out. "That is…given the circumstances of Sally's departure…"
Jack straightened his spine and sat up confidently. "I'll talk with Tivona. She'll come around to it eventually. Either way, I'm not going to let myself exist indefinitely with the knowledge that I never made an effort to win Sally's friendship back. We have to try, at least."
Victor's smile at Jack became noticeably more sincere and genuine in that moment.
"Now this is more like the Jack I thought I knew. It's good to see him back again."
Jack returned the grin and it was in that brief exchange that both friends knew all had been forgiven. It was rather fortunate, they knew, that they were capable of reading such unspoken promises in one another's expressions, since they both were less than adept at apologizing or confrontation- Victor, because of shyness and Jack, because he always ran the risk of saying the just the thing to worsen the situation ten-fold.
As soon as Victor divulged Sally's new address, –though not without much hesitation and questioning of the morality in doing so- Jack hopped off the wagon and bid his friend adieu.
"Come on, Zero," he said, ushering him back in the direction of the castle. "We've got a letter to write."
The third time that day that Tivona found herself in someone else's home, demanding to know where her freeloading fetus came from, was later that afternoon in the living room of the Witch Sisters. The whole thing, she thought, felt uncomfortably similar to a scenario from Maury.
"I just want to know where this came from," she explained, nearly sobbing from the exhaustion of having to walk all over town. "Septimus, here, seems to think that vial you gifted me with might have something to do with it."
Septimus, who had rather graciously agreed to accompany her in the daylight despite the havoc it might wreak on his complexion, crossed his arms over his chest and eyed the sisters with bored expectation. He wanted to make it clear that he was quite aware of their role in this scheme and wasn't nearly as dense as the pregnant woman before him.
The sisters exchanged a glance before breaking out into a cacophony of cackles, each one more sinister than the last.
"Took you long enough!" Zelda shrieked, continuing to roll around in a fit of mirth.
Tivona balled her hands into tight fists. "Wha- how-…why would you do this to me? I don't understand…"
Septimus rolled his eyes at the amount of betrayal evident in her voice. Was it general naïveté that made her like this, or had she simply been spoiled from the amount of entitlement this world allowed her? He figured he'd find out soon enough.
"It's called revenge, my dear," Helga said, having recovered slightly. "As well as a rather clever effort on our part to get you kicked out of here without having to accept any blame for your arrival in the first place. How do you plan on explaining that thing to your skeleton husband without him suspecting foul play? Never mind, of course, that the child will be his in any case. That's just the cherry on top for us."
Tivona's eyes went so wide they were likely to fall out of her skull. She glanced back at Septimus, horrorstruck, obviously hoping he'd have some kind of answer or explanation to the whole charade.
Luckily, he chose to comply.
"And, how, exactly does that work?" he asked, an aura of sarcasm to his tone that made the sisters uneasy. "Oh, no matter, I can simply consult the spell itself."
He then withdrew from his inner breast pocket a piece of wrinkled parchment paper that looked as though it had been recently torn from a book. The sight of it made the Witch Sisters freeze in what looked to be terror.
Septimus then held the paper out before him with much flourish and began inspecting the ingredients, occasionally mentioning them aloud for effect.
"Now, now, it's this bit in particular that has me especially intrigued. 'The final bit is two halves of a whole with which will be made one single soul'…and then it goes on to call for a piece of him and piece of her…"
Tivona suddenly gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth.
"The rib…" she announced. "Jack's been missing a rib since the wedding reception. He first noticed it was gone on the honeymoon!"
"And I'm guessing that this crudely scribbled note about a lock of hair next to the 'piece of her' bit refers to you both using Tivona's mortal hair as her piece," Septimus added. "Fascinating stuff, this. I'm sure King Jack will agree, don't you, sisters?"
Helga and Zelda exchanged looks once more before suddenly diving over the coffee table for the recipe that they intended to rip out of Septimus' gloved hand. He seemed to have been expecting this and instead smacked them both with his cane, sending them flying backward into their couch.
"What do you want from us?" Helga demanded with a huff after scrambling to her feet. "And don't even think about asking us to get rid of it, because that fetus has an invincibility charm protecting it from any kind of cockamamie schemes Tivona might try to miscarry it. As far as we're concerned, she deserves the side-effects of pregnancy and whatever mutant is going to drop out of her in 9 months! We're just an innocent pair of hardworking Witches trying to make a damn living! Is that too much to ask for?"
As Helga continued to squawk about, Septimus bemusedly re-pocketed the piece of parchment and sat down in the armchair across from them.
"I don't disagree with you, Helgamine. Tivona has been nothing but selfish to you and your sister."
Tivona huffed loudly and gaped at Septimus in disbelief. He ignored this completely.
"You must understand that I'm not interested in outing your scheme of sabotage to the King- not in the least. What I am interested in, however, is your loyalty."
Helga cocked an eyebrow. "Loyalty? To what?"
Septimus smirked out of the corner of his mouth. "This…revenge plot of yours was brought about because Tivona was not complying to help you in your effort for fame. Do I understand that right?"
The sisters simply nodded, continuing to listen intently.
"But you must ask yourselves…why ever would you need a lovely, young, -albeit talentless- girl to help you in this effort? There's only one answer to this, of course; Jack Skellington. Without your dear "cousin" Tivona Jack would have never agreed to let you perform anywhere in the first place. And again…why? Because King Jack Skellington is an ignorant, impulsive, self-centered thrill seeker who cares nothing for the interests of his followers. He has always been like this and the town has suffered because of it, yet you are all willing to overlook it because of his boyish charm and charisma."
Helga and Zelda were left with no rebuttal. Something about what he said rang eerily true.
"I, on the other hand, wish to offer Halloween Town an alternative. You see, dear ladies, unlike Jack, I am willing to cut fair deals. For example? You two play along with the idea that this whole pregnancy debacle was a conspired wedding present to Jack between you and Tivona. In turn, I won't be able to reveal the true nature of your intentions and we all will be that much closer to the day when Jack is overthrown and I will ascend to his position. When that day arrives, you can consider The Bones Brothers as good as canned and Toil and Trouble will be the only Halloween musicians worth listening to. Now as far as propositions go, how does that sound?"
"You mean it?" Helga gasped disbelievingly. "You'd be willing to do that for our band?"
"If you are both willing to join my following in the coup," Septimus replied. "And it really is a win-win situation for you both. Tivona is still stuck with a mutant child and you both get the fame you desire."
"Hey, I don't think either of us were even considering saying 'no'!" Zelda chimed in excitedly. "I think it's time for a change at the top anyway, don't you agree, sister?"
Helga displayed her signature wicked grin for a brief interval before turning back to Septimus with as much professional stoicism as she could muster.
"It doesn't seem like we have much of a choice in the matter, but given Jack's inability to rule lately, I'd say even an upturned broom with a bucket for a head would do a significantly better job."
Septimus nodded and rose from his seat, brushing miniscule specks of dust from his immaculate waistcoat.
"Dreadfully wonderful of you to join. We have meetings every Thursday evening in the abandoned hinterlands shack. The others have been slacking on the refreshments, lately, so if you both would be so kind as to see to that this week. It's customary of the newest members, you see."
Neither Helga nor Zelda seemed very pleased with this, but since they were in no place to argue, they obediently kept their arguments to themselves.
Once they had gotten back outside to the danger of the exposed UV rays, Tivona rounded on Septimus. Her expression was impossible to see from beneath her protective veil, but he had no problem fabricating it in his mind.
"So…what, I just have to give birth to this thing now?" she snapped. Septimus chuckled.
"It will be a relatively small price to pay for the rewards that will follow. When I take over and you annul your marriage to Jack, he and whatever freak of nature you end up birthing will be ordered out of the kingdom immediately. In the mean time, satiate him with this gift from your womb. He will be given the illusion, for a time, of having a family and that should be enough to keep his suspicions at bay."
Tivona snorted in disgust. "This is bullshit. I married a skeleton specifically so this sort of thing wouldn't happen. I'm too young to be someone's damn mother…"
Septimus rolled his eyes for what was probably the tenth time that day. Such was the nature of being in the company of his mistress, he supposed.
"In the future, my dear," he sighed. "It is probably in your best interest to not drink from suspicious vials of unknown origin and substance. Unless, of course, they can somehow give you a leg up in overthrowing a monarchy."