Gravity Falls has ended, but AntiGravity Falls will continue.

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Monday the 13th

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Another year.

Soos knew this one wouldn't be any different, he'd realized that last time. But knowing something is true, and accepting it, are two very different things. It's so much easier to pretend this day just doesn't exist.

Or it would be, if people didn't keep reminding him.

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The boy walked into the Mystery Shack, head hanging low. Standing at the counter, Stan barked, "Hey, you're late!"

"Sorry Mr. Pines. It won't happen again." Soos said without looking up.

The old man was about to scold his employee, but the boy's unusual mood made him pause.

Soos moved across the room without paying attention, and walked into the vending machine. The kid's feet kept moving, apparently unaware that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Uh, you okay?"

"I'm fine Mr. Pines." The boy finally found his way to the 'employees only' door.

For the first time this summer, Wendy had gotten to work before her friend. As the pair bumped into each other trying to fit through the same door, she said, "Hey Soos! Happy-"

But the pudgy boy walked past her before she could finish.

"What's up with him? He sick or something?" Stan asked with feigned indifference.

Wendy stared after her friend before turning to the old man, concern drawn on her face. "No. Today's his birthday, but…"

"But what?"

"I don't really know." The girl said. "For some reason he doesn't want a party this year. And last year, well, he left his own party half way through. He was depressed for days afterwards. I think something happened, but he won't say what."

Stan rubbed his chin. What kinda kid doesn't like his birthday? He decided to do something about it. He couldn't have his employees walking around depressed. It was bad for business after all.

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Stan wracked his brain for something to cheer Soos up. The problem was, he didn't actually know anything about the kid. He'd just shone up one day when the Shack needed a new handyman. What did he like? The old man delved deep into his memory, trying to pull up ignored conversations from the boy.

Laser Tag.

That was something. The kid either loved it or hated it. Either way, it would take his mind off of whatever was bothering him now.

The conman decided he could close the Shack for a few hours. It was a slow day anyway.

::::::::::::J::::::::::

Big Gunz Laser Tag was a hotspot for the under-twelves of a certain level of nerdiness. Apparently that didn't deter Dipper and Mabel, who were excited for the outing. Earlier, Wendy had explained Soos' change in mood to the twins. Though Stan just claimed this was a planned company outing.

The four kids were suited up and ready to enter the arena. Stan held back. He was having trouble with his vest, and it didn't help that his old man back was acting up.

When the doors opened, Wendy, Mabel, and Dipper ran into the artificial smoke. Soos proceeded a little slower, excited for the game, but still bummed out. That's how the newcomer managed to block his path.

"Hey dork." Robbie sneered. "You sure you wanna go in there? Everyone already knows you're gonna lose."

Soos lowered his gun, not saying anything.

"Hey, isn't today your birthday?" The other boy continued. "Some party. Only Wendy and your babysitters came to it."

"I'm not having a party this year." The technically-a-teen murmured.

"It's a good thing too, nobody'd come anyway." Robbie laughed as he walked away.

Soos decided he wasn't in the mood for laser tag. He sat down on a bench to wait for the others.

"Who's that little twerp?" A gruff voice said beside him.

The boy looked up to see Stan standing over him. "Robbie."

"He always pick on ya?" The old man asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, you gotta stand up for yourself, kid. Go on, go talk back." He pulled the boy off his seat, and pushed him in the direction of his bully.

Soos hesitantly walked towards the other boy, "Hey Robbie. You're a- you're a stink… face."

Stan pulled him aside before the tween had a chance to respond. "Alright. Good first effort." The old man pinched the bridge of his nose. "But try making it a little more personal. What kinda dirt you got on this kid?"

"Well, I think he has a crush on Wendy."

"Seriously?" But the conman shrugged. "Well, use that."

"Hey Robbie!" Soos said more forcefully this time. "Wendy doesn't like you!"

Robbie opened and closed his mouth, unable to say anything.

"Better." Stan nodded.

"She'll never be your girlfriend."

"Good."

"No one loves you, and you'll die old and alone!"

"Eh, dial it back a notch." Stan cringed.

"Oh, um… You're nothing but a one-dimensional caricature of a teenage subculture that lost all its significance years ago!"

"Atta boy!" Stan slapped the kid's back.

The pair exited the building, leaving Robbie with tears in his eyes.

:::::::::::U:::::::::

The laser battle was quick and merciless. Wendy always considered herself pretty good at this game, but the twins were on a whole nother level. Considering the number of times one of the pair snuck up behind her, she was glad they were on her team.

By now, Dipper was in a duel with their last three opponents. Pinned in a corner, the boy was running out of 'ammo' and didn't have a port to recharge. Then, a barrage of fire took down his antagonists. The teen peeked from his barricade to see his sister stand triumphantly.

Mabel lifted her rifle over her head and screamed, "I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds!"

"Dang, nice work Mabel." Dipper stood from behind his barrier. A beam of light shot past him. "Hey!"

The boy dove for cover as his sister kept shooting. When she glimpsed a patch of red hair, the teen turned her fire on Wendy.

"What the heck?! We're on the same team!" Dipper yelled.

Wendy managed to make her way next to the boy. "What's going on?"

"I think she's gone into one of her berserker fits." He peeked over the barricade and let out a pained yelp. "She shot me in the eye! Not cool, Mabel!"

"What should we do?"

"Let's regroup. Where's Soos?"

"Uh… I thought he was with you."

"Wait, what? I haven't seen him since we started."

"Where is he then?"

The friends shared a guilty look. He was the whole reason they were there in the first place.

"Mabel! Time out. We lost Soos!" Dipper shouted.

His only answer was a volley of shots.

"Seriously! I think we've been even bigger jerks than usual today!" He persisted.

Mabel just let out an incoherent battle cry.

"Ow!" Dipper clutched his forearm.

The girl had aimed for his exposed flesh, and it hurt!

"Ach!" Another blast. "Why do the lasers burn?!"

Yet another hit.

"Ahhh! Why do kids enjoy this?"

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The Shack wasn't that far away, so Stan figured his niblings would be fine if he took the car. But that wasn't the problem the conman was worried about: he'd taken Soos for a ride, and had no idea what to do with him.

"Mr. Pines, can I ask you a question?" Soos asked.

Relived that the uncomfortable silence was broken, Stan said. "Sure kid."

"Am I weird for not liking my birthday?"

Stan was lost for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Of course not. Why would anyone want to celebrate being another year closer to death?"

"So it's okay to just ignore it?"

"Sure! I haven't celebrated my birthday in so long that I don't even know how old I am anymore!"

Soos smiled.

So far, so good. He just had to figure out what to do next.

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When man and boy made it back to the Mystery Shack, Stan left Soos in the living room while he tried to find something to entertain him.

Okay. What did he and his father do when he was young?

…

Okay. What did he and his father not do when he was young?

… … …

Stan brought out an ancient baseball and a couple of mitts. "How about a game of catch?"

Soos' eyes lit up, and the pair went outside.

"Alright, here it comes!" Stan wound up and tossed the ball. As it left his hand, a deafening crack filled the air, and the old man fell to his knees. "Agh! My back!"

A muffled thump followed, and Soos was on the ground clutching his belly. "Oof! My stomach!"

The duo writhed in agony.

"This was a terrible idea!" The conman groaned.

"Why do people enjoy this?"

"Let's agree to never do or mention this again!"

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Dipper and Wendy were being hunted down by Mabel.

"How do we get out of here?" Wendy panted. The trio were locked in. Apparently the Laser Tag employees considered Mabel too dangerous to let loose.

Dipper nursed the burn marks the toy guns shouldn't have left. "I've got a plan."

After a brief explanation, the team split up.

Foaming at the mouth, Mabel stalked her prey.

Suddenly, Dipper appeared in front of her. "There is no escape! Don't make me destroy you."

The girl stopped in her tracks.

"You've only begun to discover your power! Join me, and I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to the galaxy."

Mabel cocked her head in confusion, but couldn't resist continuing the dramatic dialog. "I'll never join you!"

"Gruncle Stan never told you what happened to your brother, did he?"

"He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

"No Mabel, I am your brother."

"No! That's not true! That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings; you know it to be true!"

"NOOOOOOO!" The brunette fell to her knees.

That was Wendy's cue to attack. She came out firing:

Hit! Hit, hit, hit!

Game Over!

The lights came back on, and the smoke machines stopped.

Mabel stood up as though nothing had happened. "Well, that was fun!"

"Really?" Dipper said. "That's all you've got to say?"

"Yep! And why are you all burnt up? And why do I have this urge to join the Dark Side?"

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Fishing. Fishing was a much better idea. No one ever got hurt while on a boat.

Stan and Soos were in the middle of the lake, each with a rod in hand. Nice and boring: just the way Stan liked it.

Soos' bobber darted underwater.

"Hey kid, ya got a bite!"

"What do I do?"

"Reel it in ya knucklehead!" Stan shouted excitedly.

Soos tugged at his line. The pole bent nearly double. When the boat lurched forward, Stan grabbed the rod as well, and the pair were taken for a sleigh ride.

"What the heck's doing this?" The old man yelled.

"Maybe it's the Gobblewonker!" Soos answered.

"Don't be crazy! There's no such thing!"

"That's what Dipper said!"

"Really?"

The boat was dragged under water. At the last minute, the line snapped, and the pair popped back to the surface.

"Eh. Fishing was a dumb idea anyway."

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Dried off, the two Mystery Shack workers sat in front of the TV.

"Hey, Mr. Pines?" Soos asked.

"What's up?"

"Well, it's kinda embarrassing." The boy blushed. "But I met this girl the other day, and-"

"Say no more kid." Stan said. "You wanna know how to impress her, right?"

The teen nodded.

The codger turned off the television. "Girls are easy. You just gotta act confident. And be kinda a jerk. But not too much of a jerk."

Soos paid close attention.

"I guess while we're at it I should tell you about the Birds and the Bees, huh?"

The boy went pale.

"It all starts with…"

… … …

"...And that's everything you need to know." Stan concluded.

Soos sat with his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth. He already knew the basics of that sort of thing, but Stan went into more detail. A lot more detail. The sock puppets didn't make the experience any better.

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As evening fell, the Pines twins and Wendy walked into the Shack. The trio entered the family room to find Stan on the recliner with a sleeping Soos next to him.

"Hey Gruncle Stan! What's up?" A sweaty Mabel chirped. The battle-scarred Dipper and Wendy only groaned.

"Just waitin' for Soos' grandma to come get him."

"What did you guys do today?"

"Nothing." The old man said. "Just spent some time together."

"All day?" His niece asked. "Without opening the Gift Shop?"

"Yeah. So what?"

The girl grinned.

"What?"

Mabel just smiled wider.

"Look, I can't have my employees acting all depressed. It's bad for business!"

By this time Dipper and Wendy had left the room to lick their wounds. That meant nothing could prevent Mabel and her uncle from having a candid conversation.

"You care about him." The girl prodded.

"Meh!"

"Admit it Gruncle Stan, you've got a heart of gold."

"I wish!" The old man said. "At this point my heart is mostly cholesterol."

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