A/N: Yes, another chapter.

:))

I do not claim the rights to any of the characters from the Southern Vampire Mysteries or True Blood. Read, review, && enjoy! ^_^

There's this feeling in my heart that I know that I'll never be able to escape. I loved enough and lost enough to know how much times a heart can break with a little more each time. But then to have a piece of my heart torn out by my own hands has me waking up day to day in utter despair.

Heartbreak has perfect timing.

I wasn't only mourning Ryan, I was mourning for the lost of Cristiano too. Thanks to Ryan's death, he scratched the layer that I crusted over my heart after Cristiano had left and out poured all the tears I managed to suppress for months.

And the anger.

Concerned for my sanity, Amy decided I needed room to mourn so she offered to stay here to help me care for my girls. What she didn't tell me was that she had also called my father with hopes that he could drag me back from my inner desolated world that I created after witnessing the death of Ryan.

Correction, after causing his final death.

"How are you?" my father asked me as he sat at on the edge of my bed.

Tormented and torn apart.

I brought the sheets up to my chin and shrugged. "Eh…"

"Ryan was already dead." he said softly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "He was a vampire who wanted to die his final death."

I rolled onto my side, turning away from him. "You don't understand. You weren't there."

And Ryan is only half of it…

"I lost your mother, Bella. I have some understanding as to what you might be going through." he said, taking a brief moment to himself. "It was harder for me because I had lost the love of my life, the woman I grew to love deeply. She was there long before you." he paused. "And yet, there you were…in her place. This little girl, with her eyes. I didn't know how to love you. How could I? I didn't know you…" he trailed off.

I could only imagine what it must've been like in his shoes. I had to wonder if he even held me back then. Or if he locked himself away, forcing my grandmother to deal with me until he found the courage to cope.

But how could he hold, let alone love, the one person that had taken her from him?

I slowly turned back toward him, "I understand if you hated me…"

"I couldn't." he whispered. "I couldn't even blame you, no matter how hard I tried. Believe me, I tried." he told me as he ran his hand down my hair. "I found comfort in you."

"But Ryan-"

"He's in a better place Isabelle." he said, this time loud and clear. "You don't know the battles that he had to deal with deep within. It would've been hell for him to live eternally. You have to see it from his eyes…" he said, this time with a little more sympathy. "Choosing death was the only way to free himself."

Remembering the peace that fell upon his face in the last few seconds lifted my heart, slightly.

"Well…it still hurts."

Like it was only yesterday.

He sighed, "I'll tell you what. How about I take the girls for two weeks? It will give us some much needed time to spend together."

I sat up quickly, "But Elena and school-"

"I'm sure her school will understand given the circumstances."

I knew they would too. Its just I promised them and even myself that I would never let them go.

"Dad-"

He stood up, "Bella, I'm your father." he said sternly with his hands now on his hips. "I'm not taking no for an answer. My mind is made up." he nearly growled. "Now get up and get ready to see us off." he demanded before leaving me alone in my room.

I smiled just then, a smile after all this time that felt almost foreign. But it felt good at the same time because I never knew my father to be so demanding, so strict. This was different and honestly…

I like it.

As empty as I felt, I didn't know that I could feel even more empty without my girls. Not being able to hear their voices or their laughter echoing the halls, not being able to see their smiling faces, or holding them, inhaling the freesia scented shampoo in their hair, it only deepened my despair.

Finally, after three days, I couldn't take it. I forced myself out of bed and sat on the floor of my room with my spell book in my lap.

Surely a witch had to deal with heartbreak once upon a time.

After spending hours of reading and researching every inch of the book, I closed it mentally exhausted.

Maybe I could improvise.

I shoved the book under my bed and got up, walking into Elena's room. I found her small chalkboard hanging on the wall above her desk. I grabbed the small chalkboard that's no bigger than a two inch binder, the eraser, and a piece of chalk and retreated back to my room.

I just hope this shit doesn't backfire.

I mean, its not like I practiced the craft on my own before. I haven't even attempted to create a spell on my own either. The spells that I did cast, however, came straight from the textbook.

This is going to take some imagination.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and began writing down what I wanted from these objects.

"Charmed chalkboard to erase." I wrote.

Erase what exactly? I asked myself.

"Erase the pain but not the memory."

I had to think what herbs that I will need, not to mention what I had on hand to work with. Believe me, half the shit they have in the spell books, I would need to make a trip to some magic store in order to perform them.

Thank goodness for my common knowledge of herbs and their purpose. I thought as I began writing it down.

"Dried rose petals-dried form is opposite of its meaning.

Basil, chamomile-balance, courage, and purification.

Carnation petals and cinnamon-protection, healing, strength, vitality.

Garlic and lilac-banishing.

Lavender-love, peace, happiness.

And blue candles, three of them." I wrote.

I didn't have Dragon's Blood resin but I did have it in an aroma oil that I could burn.

Hopefully it serves similar purpose since I think I'm going to need its amplified power for my makeshift spell if I want it to work. I thought as I began gathering the ingredients and supplies I will need.

Determined to rid my heart from all the pain I endured over the years, I placed a pinch of salt in each corner of the room. Then I made a salt circle around me and the three objects that I planned to charm. And then I lit the three blue candles (for healing), placing them on three points of the circle that resembled a triangle. Then I poured a teaspoon of Dragon's Blood oil in my ceramic burner and lit a tealight candle, placing underneath the oil.

In a wooden bowl, I placed the dried rose petals, basil, chamomile, carnation petals, lilac petals, a few lavender buds, three pinches of cinnamon, and a clove of garlic. I began grinding them together, adding a pinch of salt, then continue grinding all the ingredients some more.

I took this time to think of the words that I was going to use in my spell. I knew I had to be specific if I wanted this to go exactly as I planned.

Unless I want it to backfire and blow the fuck up in my face or worse…make my emotions ten times more painful.

I placed the bowl before me and reached for the needle. I held the needle above the flickering flame then used it to prick my finger. I began squeezing a few drops of blood into the bowl.

Yes, this spell is personal.

After grinding my blood into the mixture, I lit it on fire and waited for the flames to die down, leaving behind ash. Then as I rubbed the ash over all three objects, I voiced my spell.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.

Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Life hangs upon me and becomes a burden leaving me undone, tearing apart at the seams.

Fear, grief, and rage rise up and distracts me.

I offer my blood to right what once went wrong,

to heal what once was broken.

I pour out my pain onto you, erase what I no longer wish to obtain

as the memory still remains."

I pinched the wick of each candle, snuffing out its flame.

Then I grabbed the chalk that laid beside the chalkboard and wrote down three words; 'pain, grief, heartache.' and sat there staring at those words.

Could it really be this easy? I asked myself before erasing those words with one swipe.

About a week later:

"You're starting to get on my nerves." I groaned.

"I promised your dad that I would stop by every night to make sure that you're still alive and I'm making sure I'm fulfilling that promise." Amy said. "Oh and Sookie insisted on stopping by tomorrow to make sure that you're eating too."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm better." I said. "I just have to remind myself that this was what he wanted."

Like hell am I telling her what I've done.

"Yeah, yeah…" she groaned, walking down to her car. "…you've been through much worse. I would think that this would be a piece of cake for you."

I closed my sweater, hugging myself. "Shut up and go home to your soon to be husband." I grunted. "Does he know what he's getting himself into?" I called after her as she got into her car.

Amy started up her car as she rolled down her window. "Love you bitch." she shouted out her window as she quickly flipped me off, driving away.

I smiled as I shook my head. "Love you too Amy."

I stood there for a few minutes longer, enjoying the darkening sky as the cold night began creeping in.

"Don't be scared." Dermot said, from the corner of my house. Startled, I dropped my arms and would've stumbled down my porch steps if it wasn't for Dermot popping in front of me to catch me. "Sorry." he apologized immediately.

I gently slapped his shoulder, "Ugh, will you stop that!" I grunted with a laugh. "You know, you seem to choose the perfect timing too."

He waited until I was able to stand on my own feet before letting me go. "You have many guests coming and going. Its hard to get you alone."

I nodded, crossing my arms under my breasts, "Tell me about it."

"And your vampire friend…" he paused. "…I cant be here if he's around."

Eric?

"Ugh, forget about him. He's so annoying." I said. "You know, its been months since I seen you last. Just when your help was getting interesting, you disappear." I groaned. "What's up with that?"

He flashed me a half smile, "If I didn't know any better, I would-"

I put up my hand and quickly shook my head, "Before you even think of getting a big head I will admit that maybe you're starting to grow on me." I narrowed my eyes, "Maybe…" I said, dragging the simple word. "…so don't ruin it."

"My Fae relatives needed me." he said.

"Oh…" I whispered, nodding slowly. "You want to come inside? It's a lot warmer. Plus no ones home."

He arched his brows, "You're inviting me in?" he asked, surprised and somewhat taken back. "You did miss me."

I rolled my eyes at him before turning around and walking back to my door, "Ugh…shut up." I groaned.

After offering Dermot something to eat and drink, we sat in the living room where I started a fire. I filled him in with what has been going on with me. Then we picked up right where we left off and continued my lessons.

Of course, leaving out a small detail that I did days before.

"Since you're feeling…" Dermot paused, trying to find the right words. "…down?" he offered. "I think I can help you with that. It's a power that's easier showing you than telling you."

As with almost every Fae power.

"So you can make me feel good?"

Not that I need it since my spell actually worked. But he doesn't need to know that.

He moved closer, "I have to touch you."

Geez, this must be a Fae thing, touching.

"Okay…" I said slow but hesitantly.

He gently gripped me by my shoulders, turning my body to face his. Then he grabbed my hands, "I'm not sure if this will work on you though. But its worth a try."

I shrugged, "Oh, like the first time we met when you tried to glamour me?"

He nodded, furrowing his brows. "But maybe it will help if you want it."

I cocked my head to the side, "Want what?"

He placed my hands in his lap, "You have to invite me into you. You have to…" he stopped, struggling with words. "…accept me." he nodded. "Want me."

I snorted out half a laugh, "Want you how?"

And he better not say sexually. That's not a way to get in these pants either…buddy.

"Just…close your eyes and feel me." he half grunted. I let out a sigh as I closed my eyes, gripping his hands. "Let down your walls Isabelle." he whispered after a moment. "Relax." he said as he opened my hands, placing them on his lap, palm side up.

Then he began running his hand along mine with soft, gentle strokes.

This does feel good, tingly good.

I couldn't help but release a giggle. "That tickles." I whispered.

"Good." he said as he lift my hands to his face, still stroking my arms. "Accept me Isabelle." he whispered.

The feeling of his stubble along his jaw was somewhat prickly but I liked it. My hands began to wonder from his jaw to his cheeks. Soft and smooth. It was a strange contrast from rough and prickly to soft and smooth.

Fae blood is the fountain of youth in a body bag. I thought to myself as my hands wondered to his ears.

I couldn't help but feel fascinated by it as I ran my fingers along the tip of them.

"This is cool. I don't know why anyone would surgically alter these." I said softly.

Suddenly, my fingers found their way to his hair.

Wow…

The strands of his hair were baby soft and thick. I was actually envious by it.

"Listen to my breathing…" he whispered as his breath danced on my face.

It wasn't until I opened my eyes that I realized just how close I really was to him.

What the hell?

This whole time, I thought that I was still sitting across of him. But in reality, here I was sitting in his lap with my legs straddling his sides.

I gulped, "Sorry. I didn't know…" I said softly as I pulled away.

He gripped my hips firmly, locking me into place. "I know." he said. "I wanted you to feel like you were where I had left you, in your comfort zone just to prove what our power is capable of."

I bit my lip, "Mission accomplished, it worked."

"But this power has its limits." he said, slightly disappointed.

I crossed my arms over my breasts, "Like you cant make me fall in love with you, kind of limits? Or glamour me into having sex with you?"

He grinned up at me, "Love is a human emotion. The Fae are different."

I felt my brows twitch, "But aren't you half human? Don't you have…feelings?" I asked, arms dropping between us.

"I spent more than half of my life in Faery that I forgot what its like to be human." he said. "At least from what I remember and from what I was told."

Interesting.

"So you've never had a human, you don't know what its like." I realized. "That's what you meant when you said you never had a woman of this realm right?" I mentally slapped myself. "How's the search going?" I asked.

"You never found me one like you said you would."

I was about to say something but stopped short.

Aw crap.

"The only other one that I know, and she's one hundred percent Fae, well, she's already pregnant." I told him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Things cant get anymore awkward than they are right now.

"How do I please a human?"

I watched him closely, "I thought you said you had sex before."

"I did. With other Fae."

I cocked my head to the side, "It cant be all that different than what we do here…" I paused, "…right?"

"Never tried."

Damn…I have to give him pointers on this too?

"Well, it shouldn't be that hard. I mean, you could use your powers to please her, too. And she has Fae so I'm sure…" I trailed off.

He will never reach his goal if he's that rusty.

"You're sounding less confident with each word." he softly groaned as he gripped me by my waist. "I give up." he said as he placed me back onto my sofa as if I was as light as one of my throw pillows. Then he turned back to me, "You know, you have that same power. I felt some of what you were feeling." he said, changing the subject. "You just have to learn to tap into it."

Catching the hint, I folded my legs under me, "So all I have to do is feed you my feelings?"

The way that I feed others my vision?

"Through touch." he added. "And its magnified if you feed the others chi directly."

I smiled, "Well…what are we waiting for?"

Sookie came the next day with AJ in his stroller.

"I thought that we could go for a walk." she said, unbuckling him from the stroller. "I think I need it anyways. I feel so huge." she chuckled as she lifted AJ.

I walked down the stairs, taking him from her arms, "You don't need it Sook. You're pregnant." I reminded her. "And look at you, so handsome." I said, turning to AJ. "I made some chili and cornbread. Are you hungry?" I asked them.

"That sounds great."

After we ate and the dishes were washed, we sat by the fire while AJ played in Lizzy's room.

"So Dermot has been helping me tap into my Fae side." I told her.

She looked at me with raised brows, "Like what?"

Excited to be practicing on someone else other than Dermot, I reached for her hand. "I will feed you what I'm feeling." I whispered.

Within seconds, I pushed my excitement onto her as I stroked her hands.

"Can I do that?"

I shrugged, releasing her, "Probably."

"Has he been trying to…" she paused, rubbing her growing belly. "…you know."

I leaned into my chair, "No. But to be honest, I think I just might reconsider."

Her head whirled in my direction, "What? Why?"

"After speaking with Dina, my dad's fiancé, I understand it more. I understand why the Fae are desperate, even stooping to us half breeds." I said with a laugh. "Since I have no ties to anyone, I don't see why I cant at least give it a shot."

"Isabelle…" she sighed. "…its more than just sex with Dermot. You will be trying to have his baby."

"I know."

One night, one shot. That's all.

I made an appointment with my doctor for the next day to have my IUD removed. I figured that since Dermot has been so helpful, I could at least give him one night, one shot to knock me up. It was a gamble that I was willing to take. And if it doesn't work, I at least wouldn't feel guilty for not trying.

I do have ulterior motives to my decision. Since I never had sex with a fairy, I wanted to at least know what its like. I thought. Now I just have to find a way to explain this to Dermot.