Chapter 19

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"Sorry," Martin apologized, wiping his eyes, sounding embarrassed. He released a nervous laugh and said, "I can't imagine what you must think of me now."

"I think you love your aunt very much," she replied looking at him softly and without judgment.

He rubbed his eyes with the ball of his hands before looking at her with a sad smile. "Thank you, Sam, for everything. I don't know if I could have found her without your help."

"That's what friends are for," she replied, shifting in her seat, uncomfortably. She wanted to help him but she didn't know how exactly.

He nodded, straightening up his posture and righting his jacket in an effort to try to regain his composure. She expected this, like all men, he didn't like having a woman see him in such a vulnerable state when they tried so hard to look masculine and tough; particularly men who worked in law enforcement.

Hell, even women who worked in law enforcement did their best to not show too many emotions; too afraid they would look weak.

He sighed heavily and looked in the direction of his aunt Bonnie's hospital room. "I just can't believe she's dying. She's the only constant thing in my life." He looked back at Sam, his eyes red-rimmed and raw. "I never even told her how much I loved her. That she was more like a mom to me than my own mother."

She reached over and squeezed his hand. She nodded to the room down the hall and said, "There's still time."

He tilted his head in understanding, took a deep breath and sat up with his hand still in hers. He stared down the hall to see his cousins and uncle crowded around Bonnie's pale, still form before looking down at her and saying, "You don't have to wait here anymore. I've taken up enough of your weekend already. You should go home."

She smiled to herself that while he was telling her she could go, he still hadn't let go of her hand. "I'll just stick around for a little while if that's alright."

He gave her a grateful look, squeezed her hand once before releasing his grip and turning towards his aunt's room to say goodbye.

XXX

Her crying had finally started to subside when she heard a soft knock and Danny's voice from the other side of the door.

"Sam, you okay? You've been in there awhile."

"I'm fine," she lied; wiping tears from her moistened cheeks. She took a deep breath and in her most calm voice replied, "I'll be out in just a minute."

"Alright," he replied before she heard the sound of his shoes on the floor grow fainter as he walked away.

She wiped her face once more, feeling slightly better from the cathartic release. She took another deep breath before standing up. She turned on the faucet and looked up to see her reflection in the mirror. Her face was blushed hot pink and her eyes were swollen and puffy; visual evidence of her meltdown. With shaky hands she leaned down and splashed cold water on her face. The cold water soothing her skin that was still hot from the emotional roller coaster she just experienced. When she was done she reached over and pulled the paper towels from the dispenser and proceeded to dry her face with the scratchy paper. She studied herself in the mirror again and saw that her eyes were still puffy. She soaked a towel with cold water, folded the towel carefully and placed it over her eyes, pressing it close to her eyelids hoping that it would help reduce the swelling. She took another breath to try and calm her nerves, the aroma of soggy paper filling her nostrils.

She could feel both her body and nerves begin to cool down; the simple ritual giving her time to compose her self before having to face Martin. She knew there was no way she would talk to him now. She was foolish to think that after all they had been through, all that had been said and done, that after just a few days he would be willing to drop it all for her when he had so obviously moved on. He may have taken a bullet for her earlier but he also didn't want her to go the hospital with him, practically shoving her away, and when he was at the hospital Rachel was the one he wanted to talk to for comfort.

She removed the wet towel from her eyes and leaned in to examine her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes looked a little bit puffy but it could easily be chalked up to a lack of sleep. No more, no less. Relieved that the wet towel compress worked, she balled it up and tossed it into the trash bin. She reached up and dislodged the hair tie from her now disheveled ponytail. Using her fingers, she combed out her hair before pulling it back and retying it. She picked up her blouse from the sink and while it was still damp from earlier, she put it back on; buttoning it up with now steady fingers. The stain was still there but she had to wear something. When she was done she studied herself in the mirror. Satisfied that she looked presentable, any defects from her emotional armor now concealed, she walked to the door and exited the bathroom.

She found Danny milling around the waiting area with Martin and Frasier. Chao was leaning against a wall, talking on his cell phone. When he saw her he gave her another apologetic look. She waved him off, letting him know it was okay. She joined the others and while Danny and Frasier gave her nods of relief that she was finally out, she couldn't help but notice that Martin was watching her with concern, almost like he was trying to read her. She shrunk under his gaze and looked away, focusing on Danny.

"Great, now we can get going," Danny said aloud before leaning into her and saying, "Frasier had some agents drop the Grimaldi's off at their hotel so they could pack up their belongings."

Frasier stood to the side, worriedly rubbing his thumb into the palm of his other hand. He gave her a sad smile and said, "It's great that agent Malone was able to arrange that flight. They are really anxious to see their son."

Sam nodded in understanding and said, "I'm sorry about your agent."

"Thanks. He was a good man," Frasier replied with gloom. He cleared his throat and jutted his chin at Martin. "So I'll see you back at the office later this morning?"

"Yeah," Martin said, jerking his head towards the closed door to the ER. "I want to wait and make sure that Dr. Shapiro is going to be okay."

"What happened?" she asked, taken aback. "I saw him at the scene and he looked fine."

"He started complaining of some chest pain so Frasier and Chao brought him here to be checked out," Martin replied, giving her an assessing glance. She suddenly felt very self-conscious and nervously tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "They doctor is confident that he is going to be okay but they are monitoring him on an EKG just in case."

"Good," she stammered out, quickly looking away.

"Well, I am going to head out," Frasier said before looking between Sam and Danny. "Have a safe trip back." They all shook hands before he turned around and headed towards the exit.

Danny clapped his hands together and announced, "Okay, we probably should head out, too, so we can hit our hotel, pick up our own stuff and pick them up on our way to the airport." He smiled broadly and extended his hand to Martin. "It was good working with you again, man."

"Yeah," Martin replied, reaching his own hand out to shake.

Danny yanked him into a man hug and laughingly said, "I'm glad you're okay." He gave him a couple of pats on the back before releasing him. He met Martin's eyes and quietly said, "Traditional."

Martin smiled back and said, "Traditional."

"Okay," Danny replied, sounding unconvinced. Sam cringed inwardly, knowing that they were subtly referring to how Martin was going to propose to Rachel. She bit her lip, the pain reminding her to keep her emotions in check. As he started taking a few steps back, his eyes darting between her and Martin before finally landing on her. "How about I just meet you outside at the car?" She gave him a grateful smile for him allowing her a few extra minutes to say goodbye to Martin. She needed to close this chapter of her life, hopefully walking away with some of her dignity intact. He looked at Chao and said, "Hey, did I show you our car? It's got this great little device in it that gives directions."

"You mean your GPS?" Chao asked; sounding confused that Danny would be so amazed by it. "Thanks, but I've seen one before."

Danny frowned and shoved the agent towards the door. "Yeah, well, I still want you to take a look at it." Over his shoulder he said, "See you at the car, Sam."

"I'll be right there," she replied, watching them disappear out the exit. She folded her arms across her chest and looked directly at Martin. He was watching her with his soft blue eyes and she said, "So, I guess this is goodbye – again."

He released a heavyhearted sigh and said, "Yeah."

She stared at him for a few beats, trying to figure out how to proceed. There was so much she wanted to tell him but she simply said, "It was good to see you."

The corners of his lips curved up and he replied, "Same here." He shifted his feet and added, "Have a safe flight back and be sure to tell everyone I said hello."

"I'll do that." She felt her emotions start to crack. "I'm so sorry about….everything." She tilted her head so she could look him directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry for not fighting harder. It will always be my biggest regret."

He was quiet for a long bit before finally breathing out, "Mine too."

She licked her lips, wondering how to proceed when he stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. The scent of his neck was exactly how she remembered; like soap and warm skin. She inhaled deeply, feeling like she was transported back in time.

"Take care of yourself, Sam," he said softly, his breath hot against her cheek.

She roped her arms around his waist, holding him tightly to her. She leaned up to whisper directly into his ear. "I want you…I want you to know that I'm glad that you're happy."

He squeezed her gently to him and softly replied, "You deserve to be happy, too, Sam." He soothingly ran his hand over her back. "I know you don't think so, for whatever reasons you might have, but you need to know that you are worthy of having happiness in your life however or with whoever that may be."

She nodded her head against his shoulder, feeling overcome. She wished she could tell him what she was feeling but now, faced with the reality of their past and the future he was planning she couldn't bring herself to do it. She felt a lump in her throat and not wanting to start crying again she pulled back and quickly kissed him on the cheek and murmured, "Goodbye, Martin."

As she started to turn leave he grabbed her fingers, giving them a gentle squeeze. He whispered, "Goodbye, Sam," before releasing her, her hand falling down to her side.

With her hand still tingling from his touch, she forced a smile on her face and turned around to leave.