A hundred lives I've lived

Chapter 20

Slowly slipping away

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha

Pairing: Sesshomaru/Kagome, Sango/Miroku, Inuyasha/ Kikyo

Rating: T

Author: CJ Rini

Summary: Kagome has come to terms that she is just not good enough, Sesshomaru gets into a fight with a demoness with gypsy magic and has his memory totally erased as in he needs someone to tell him he's even a demon. When Kagome finds out she wants to help, but will the others be so forgiving. Apparently yes but why is Sesshomaru afraid of the dark and what are these recurring dreams?

Sesshomaru sat brooding at his desk, he was angry with himself because he was forcing dear Kagome away from him when he had sworn the day before that he would not become that cold hearted beast. He had just pushed away the only one that meant more then his own life.

He lowered his head and put his head in his hands. He tried to get rid of the guilt and the anger but the more he tried to push it away the more it came back and the more he wanted to scream outloud. He was so angry at Koga for trying to take his Kagome away from him and he was angry at himself for pushing her away so harshly.

'What am I to do?' he thought as he sighed, he didn't raise his head.

Kagome was walking away from Sesshomaru's study when she came across Koga with a bleeding nose, heading back towards his room to pack. He saw Kagome and flinched, remembering the Taiyoukai's threat to keep away from her.

"Hi Kagome, Bye Kagome" he said trying to rush past him.

"Wait, Koga, what happened to your face?" She asked with worry, catching his arm softly to stop him leaving her, she was lonely and upset and didn't want to be left alone to her own thoughts. She looked at his hand that was trying to stop the bleeding on his face.

"I..um.. fell down" He said, he had thought of telling his father about this but the humiliation was too great, so he would return to his room to wait for it to heal on its own.

"Oh...It looks like someone punched you" She said softly.

"Oh no, it just looks like that, I should be more careful," He said with a nervous laugh and pulled his arm away from her and rushed away. Kagome stood there alone again and looked down at herself. She sighed and walked out of the castle and into the gardens, she walked until she found what she was looking for. The Kao pond, the fish moved around under the flawless surface. The water reflected her and she sat down to look into this natural mirror. She touched her cheeks, her hair, looking herself over slowly.

"I'm repulsive..." She said softly, tears welling up in her eyes "Inuyasha doesn't want me....even Koga reconsidered....Fluffy....

Sesshomaru-sama doesn't want me...I must be the ugliest thing they have ever seen" She said, sobbing once she laid down on her stomach, turning her face to watch the Kao.

As if someone heard her cries, the sky cried with her, she didn't even notice the rainclouds gathering overhead. She sobbed slowly but it got worse as more and more rain pelted her body painfully. The thin Kimono was attacked by the heavy raindrops and the woman within was washed over with sorrow.

Rain was the last thing Inuyasha wanted to see, he was on Kagome's trail, he knew the direction he last smelt and he ran through the mud and rain in that direction. He was close, he knew it. He had snuck out, away from his friends to go and find that wench that he wanted to bare him and Kikyo children. He came to a moutaintop and looked ahead. He smirked slowly as he saw the castle. He looked around, jumping from the moutaintop and rushing towards the castle. He would get Kagome now, and take her as his own.

The lords were reading to leave now and Sesshomaru was called to the entrance hall to bid them farewell. He shook their hands and bowed to them all. He expressed curtisies of meeting again and who would do the next ball. He bowed once more as they departed.

"Have a safe trip" He said, to the last family, Koga being one of the three "Take care" He said, noticing Koga was fine now. He bowed again, a frown coming from the wolf demon, but they all departed respectfully. Sesshomaru stood straight and turned to leave the entrance hall. He was feeling more and more like his old self every moment. He hated it. He walked down the hall, stopping at the painting of his father. He lightly touched the pain, looking apon the woman he held in his arms. He sighed, he felt so alone right now, and yet didn't want anyone around him. He had noticed the rain outside and hoped the carrages would be alright to get out of the palace gates.

He looked outside and saw clothing laying by the pond, he was curious what that was about and walked to the door, going as close as he could to the pond without getting wet. He gasped when he noticed the woman inside them.

"Kagome!" He said and rushed out into the rain to her side. He lifted her up, she seemed to be asleep and he could not smell her tears through the rain. He held her close to him to stop the rain and lightly touched her frozen cheek. He picked her up bridal style and took her inside. He walked swiftly towards the hotsprings, he thought it would be the fastest way to warm her skin.

He took her there and laid her down beside the spring. He closed the door and took off his outer haori and threw it aside. He then approached her again, looking at the wet kimono that clung to her cold body and knew he had to remove it. He crouched down beside her and untied the Kimono and removed it. He looked at the thin write fabric that was under the Kimono and wondered if he should remove it. He gulped and decided to, he sat her up and slipped it off her body.

He looked at her face as he lifted her up, stepping into the warm water with his clothing on. He walked in until her body was submerged. He was blushing now, he could see a blury form of her naked body from the corner of his eyes, even though he watched her face to see if the colour came back in her cheeks. The thought of her naked body brought a strange feeling to his stomach, and kind of intensity, a thrill. He lowered her futher until her head and neck were only out of the water.

A soft sound came from the girl as he did this. He watched her face and after a few minutes her eyes fluttered open. She took some time to focus her eyes but when she did she smiled softly. She reached up a hand and lightly cupped his cheek, realising she was in water as Sesshomaru pushed his cheek against her hand. She looked down at herself and saw her naked body. She yelped and struggled out of his grip.

She went under the water for a moment but resurfesed after a few seconds. She had her arms crossed over her chest and looked at him like she didn't know him.

"Where are my clothes?!" She demanded

"Over there, I took them off, you were freezing outside" Sesshomaru said straight away. He smiled at her and she nodded slowly.

"I need to cover myself" She said and he nodded, he took off the under haori he wore and gave it to her, she put it on and tied it around her waist. Because he was quite a bit taller then her it was easily a dress. He smiled at her and she looked around, she remembered now why she had been outside.

"Are you alright now?" He asked softly

"Yes...Are you?" She demanded slightly, he blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"You turned me away, you lied to me!" She said in disbelief, how could he not know what she was talking about, maybe she had overreacted and he had not lied to her at all. She felt guilty now.

"Sorry" He said, he had forgotten why he was upset before but now he did, he sighed, leaning against one of the sides of the spring.

"If you are really sorry then you can tell me now" She said.

"I cant..." He said, too enraged and ashamed of his actions to tell her the truth, he had never kept things from her, and he didn't want to, but he had to, his new found pride wouldn't let him get the words out.

Kagome looked very hurt and this broke Sesshomaru's heart, he looked into her eyes begging her to understand and she sighed. She wrapped the Haori around her tighter and waded towards the edge of the spring and got out. She grabbed up her clothing and twised some of the freezing water out of the clothing and headed for the door.

"Thanks for warming me up" She said softly before she went out the door and slid it closed behind her. He looked down, he couldn't stop all these emotions racing around his body, he couldn't name them all, he stood there trying to think of what to do. He got out of the spring and took off his wet clothing, getting another set from the closet nearby, more white. He put them on and walked out to the hallway. He paused when he could sense Inuyasha nearby, he growled demonicly and raced towards the front of the castle. He opened the doors and stepped outside, looking out into the rain. He wanted to see if he could feel his brother. But when he heard a scream from upstairs he knew he had gone straight to Kagome. He felt a power grow in him like no other and ran towards the scream. He only took seconds to get there but when he got to their room, the windows were open and the rain poured in all over the floor. He looked around for her, seeing no sign of her or blood he at least knew she was safe for now. Without thinking about his now dry clothing he jumped out the window and into the rain. She was everything to him and he would protected her.

Hi! ^^ yes it is insainly short, but I just wanted to get a chapter up and to show you all I am not dead,

I have been very busy and life has stopped me writing at all, but I have the fever back and wanna do some more fanstories. I hope everyone likes it depite its lack of....length in general.

Losa love

CJ Rini