Chapter 20 – A Funeral and a Baby?
AN: Thank you for your patience. My thanks for all those who alerted, favored, and reviewed the last chapter. I hope this next chapter won't disappoint. Thanks to MaidenAlice, pistonfan75, pumkinking5, LACR, Nai1987, IcyPinkLemonade, J, Shellibug, jmjames, B Dizzy and guests. It is always a pleasure to read your comments.
This chapter contains Prim, Katniss and Peeta's POVs and is rated PG. Any mistakes found are mine. Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.
Prim POV ––
I woke up abruptly. The room was pitch dark and quiet. Sighing, I reached out expecting to feel Katniss sleeping besides me. She wasn't. Unlike me, Katniss was a light sleeper, any sound woke her especially my snoring. Granted, I wouldn't admit that I snored I am after all a girl. She often teased me about it. Turning my head to check the clock on my bedside drawer, the time read 3:27 am.
Worried, I slip out of bed and gasped. The floor was icy cold stinging my toes and bottom of my feet. Too lazy to look for my slippers I tiptoed into the living. There, Katniss was staring into the fireplace staring into the open flames. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulder as she rocked herself on Dad's rocking chair.
"Katniss?" I asked my voice low in a whisper. The fire illuminated the room just enough to see her.
"Prim? What are you doing up?" she inquired as opened the blanket as an invitation to sit on her lap. I missed moments like this. When I was younger and smaller, she would let me sit on her lap while she read to me or as we huddled together for comfort.
"I could ask you the same thing?" I replied as I perched myself on her lap.
As soon as we arrived home, the first thing Mom did was run her a bath. Without any hesitation she stripped and sat in the tub sighing as the hot water relaxed her. I washed and rinsed her hair soon after. It had been a long day for her and for us as we returned home once Katniss and Mom made sure Peeta was treated for his injuries. He had passed out during the interview that Darius stopped and sent him home to get medical attention. While she was with Peeta in the Justice Building, Rye was kind enough to let us wait for her at the bakery.
No one said much as Haymitch carried Peeta home while Katniss held his hand with tears in her eyes. Once Mom treated him Dad forced Katniss to return home to eat and rest.
"I don't want to leave him," Katniss stated. She looked tired and worn. Who knew what they endured out in the forest? After explaining how Peeta sustained his injuries, she wanted to stay with him. "I know I said that I'll leave once I get him home. It's just…if I leave…what if something bad happens?"
"Peeta," Haymitch spoke placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're not doing yourself any favors if you pass out from exhaustion. Besides, nothing is going to happen to him. We got him safely home after the interview. So I think it's safe to say that he's going to be all right."
"I don't know," Katniss sighed. "I just...I…" I have never seen her so anxious and fearful for anyone beside family.
"Katniss," Dad said to her. "Your mom said that Peeta needs sleep and rest for the next couple of days. So do you and I doubt his father is going to let you hang out in his bedroom." She blushed as she realized that she couldn't stay with him as she wasn't his wife or fiancée.
She turned to Mr. Mellark. "Can you promise me that if he needs anything from me, anything at all, will you send someone to get me?"
"I promise, Katniss," Mr. Mellark swore. "I think your adventure in the woods really exhausted him. And the knock on his head, he needs rest."
She was still reluctant but left lingering on the doorway giving Peeta one last look as she walked of his room. At the last minute she walked back to Peeta, leaned over him and whispered in his ear. He was asleep but she still whispered to him. Then, for a few seconds she stared at his face as if she was trying to memorize every eyelash, dimple or freckle before leaving him. She sighed then walked out the door.
Since then she had been quiet and distracted. No one could catch her attention. I was surprised that she went straight to bed right after dinner. By the time, I was ready for bed she was fast asleep. Now hours later, she was up as if she hadn't slept at all. I was worried about her.
"Katniss?"
"Hmm?" she replied.
"I woke up and couldn't find you," I said. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Prim," she returned. "Just couldn't go back to sleep when I woke up." Not certain what to say in return I remained quiet. I couldn't handle the silence between us.
"If I ask you something, can you completely be honest with me?"
"I'll try, Prim. What do you want to know?" Her eyes bored into fire in front of us.
"What really happened to you and Peeta out in the woods?" There was a look of panic and indecision on her face. "I know something happened out there. Something so bad that it's keeping up."
"So much has happened…I don't know where to start and what to tell you."
"You know that I can keep a secret."
"It's not that I don't trust you, Prim."
"So something did happen?" She was pensive trying to figure out if she could tell me. It wasn't a matter of trust between us. I knew that. She had always thought of my safety first and preserving my innocence. I knew she meant well but sometimes her protectiveness grated me as if I couldn't take care of myself. It was insulting in a way.
"I know you hate it when I'm trying to protect you," she started as if she read my mind. "It just that something did happen. And it was horrifying and traumatic, but it's best I don't tell you. You'll be safer that way."
"Okay," I relented. I couldn't force her to tell me. So I decided to change the subject. "So did you at least have a nice first date?" She smiled. It was a smile I haven't seen in a while or ever. "That good huh?"
"Yeah, before the dog attacks it was perfect. And Peeta was…" she rambled as she described her day before it all went to hell. "It was more that I hoped for. I was scared he would reject me after the way I've treated him."
"He wouldn't be meant to you, Katniss," I said to her with a bit of anger. "Peeta is not mean spirited." She smiled back but her joy turned to sadness. The switch in emotions worried me. "What's wrong?"
"I just wish…"
"What?"
She breathed through her nose and closed her eyes. A second later, she opened them again as she stared back at me. "What happened to us…at the woods. I…we were so busy trying to get back that all of it just suddenly hit me just now." Her eyes turned glossy as if she was reliving her experience. "What Peeta and I did to survive…I can't believe that…" She sobbed.
"Are you in trouble?" I asked. I wasn't sure what I was implying or asking. I couldn't fathom what they've been through, especially Peeta. The long claw marks he received from the dogs were not deep but enough to need stitches. Poor Peeta. How much more can he take before he cracked from pressure? Not only did he look exhausted, he looked as if the world weighed heavily on his shoulders. I wasn't surprised at his loud outburst outside the Justice Building courtyard. It was only a matter of time before he lashed out in anger and frustration as so much shit kept happening to him.
"I don't know," she replied back. "It happened so fast. I didn't have time to get scared or panic. I just reacted. We both did. He saved my life, Prim. Again. And, I…I almost lost him today, Prim."
"Hey, but you didn't. Peeta's okay," I reminded her. "He's back home with his family at the bakery sleeping in his own bed safe from harm."
"I know," she sighed again. "He's been through so much. Then to come home to find his brother and sister in law dead. It's just too much. How much more can he take?"
"But now, at least he has you, right?" I pondered. "You can help him recover and be there for him to support him." I was relieved that their date went well. They were making an effort to develop a real relationship. It was progress. Or so I thought.
"That's if he let's me," she simpered.
"Why wouldn't he? I mean you're together now, right?" As his girlfriend, she had the right to stand by him, take care of him.
"Ever since he talked to Snow. He's been distant. I mean he's not being mean or anything. It's just like he's built a wall around him, emotionally."
"Katniss, a lot of shit has happened to him. You can't blame him to be a little pensive or even hesitant. He probably can't believe you're dating him let alone people believing that you're his girlfriend."
"I guess."
"So without the bad stuff, does Peeta know what's been going on? That everyone in District 12 know your boyfriend-girlfriend? I know that you said that you're dating."
"Yes, I mean," she started. "He didn't want to believe it at first but…now after I explained everything, he was…you know surprised." I snorted.
"I bet, considering that he has been ill all that time then to find out he has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend is you." She smiled shy and pleased with herself. My sister, Katniss has a boyfriend. I never thought that day would come. I mean, I knew that Gale loved her, but she had never reciprocated that feeling back.
"I waited, you know. I waited for him to get mad or just start yelling at me. I've only been mean and cruel to him, but…he said that he's okay pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend at first."
"But?"
"I don't know…he looked resigned and just sighed. It hurts, Prim. It hurts watching him like this, broken and sad. I wish…I wish that all this stuff stopped happening to him."
"Yeah, I know," I acknowledged. A lot happened to Peeta in the past few weeks. It started when Ivan appeared in District 12. But even with Ivan gone, shit kept happening to him. "At, least something good happened. At least you found out what a great guy he is and that he's good for you. You're dating Peeta Mellark."
"He's too good for me, sometimes," she said with a sad smile. Before I could refute her, she replied, "All I know is that he's giving me a chance. After the way I treated him before…he's…he's giving me a chance." She smiled, relief and happiness on her face.
"I'm so happy for you," I said. Finally, they were both at the same page each both acknowledging their attraction to each other. He practically announced his intentions and feelings to everyone. Katniss has to know now that he's in love with her. "So why the long face?"
"I'm scared, Prim," she admitted.
"Scared? What are you scared of?" I asked fear bubbling in my belly.
"I've…I've never felt this way before…I've never thought I've ever wanted or needed Peeta the way I do."
My brows lifted in surprise. I knew she was attracted to him but to want Peeta? That was new. She continued as she ignored or avoided eye contact. "I convinced myself that I would never feel the way Mom felt for Dad, you know. Falling in love, getting married and having children, those things I convinced myself was not for me."
"Why?"
"Look at us, Prim," she said without rancor. "We barely make ends meet. What kind of life is this to offer to a child?"
"But we're better now. You have a job––"
"It's not enough. We live in the Seam. Dad is…he can't find work most of the time," she explained. "You have at least five more years in the reaping lottery. Waiting each year to see if you made it. How can anyone live like that knowing that you're child will be gone?"
"You made it, Katniss and so will I," I said as I mustered enough confidence to convince her and myself.
"I remembered the first few months after Dad's accident, do you remember?" I nodded my head. I was eight when the mining accident happened. "Mom was a mess. We didn't know if Dad was going to survive and in those months…she…she practically…" Her eyes turned hard and her lip in a thin line.
"You can say it, Katniss," I encouraged her.
"Mom practically abandoned us only taking care of Dad as if he was the only person in the world who existed. She neglected us for months after that Mrs. Hawthorne intervened. Who does that to their child?" At eight, the only thing I knew was that I didn't recognize Dad. He was lost his right arm and leg. I was afraid of him. Mom wasn't around and I clung to Katniss for everything, food, shelter, love and support. Mom was non-existent.
When he woke up from his coma almost six months later, it was if she remembered she had children.
"She loved Dad so much that she only reserved it just for him and we were just set aside until he got better." I recalled Katniss' bitterness and resentment towards Mom after Dad made a full recovery. It was one of the reason's why she took up hunting, not only did she provided for us, she grew up fast and learned independence. In my mind, not only did we almost lose our father we lost mom as well.
"I swore that I would never let that happen to me. To give myself to one person that I would neglect or abandon everyone else around me," she spat in disgust. "She was selfish."
"But Mom is better now," I tried to convince her.
"Yeah, now but God forbid something happens to Dad," she added. "If she did that to us then what makes you think she wouldn't do that to us again?"
"But we're older now, we can take care of ourselves."
"That doesn't mean it gives her an excuse to bail on us. She's supposed to take care of us when we needed her. What's the point of having family if they are not there for you in the bad times as well. I'll never forgive for that. She wasn't there for us." The vehemence in her voice was strong and bitter. Time didn't really soften or heal the hurt she felt. I had thought things between them were better, resolved. Had dad died where would we be now and how would mom react to that loss? "I like Peeta, but is it worth to be with him that way? If I loved him the way mom loved dad will I become just like her and abandon my children?"
She was scared. "So are you saying that you like Peeta but don't want to want him that way? What are you doing with him if you're scared to be with him?" Her face was filled with confusion.
"I don't know. When I'm with him, I…I…I'm happy. He makes me happy. I feel safe with him."
"Well, then you sound like you don't want to be his girlfriend and just a friend."
"I don't know, Prim. He confuses me," she whined in frustration.
"Then be honest with him. Don't tell him you want to date and not want anything more than friendship. It's cruel what you're doing to him." Her stubbornness frustrated and irritated me. Heck, if she didn't want to be with Peeta in a boyfriend-girlfriend way she should stop playing with him and resolve her own issues and insecurities.
"I'm serious, Katniss," I said to her my voice firm. "Stop demanding his time and attention if you don't want to be more than friends. Because that is what you're doing."
"I..I…don't mean to be indecisive or wishy-washy," she returned. I felt her frustration but it didn't mean I'd like it.
"So think about this. How would you feel just being his friends since that is all really want with him? How would you feel if he decided that he wanted to be with someone like…let's say Agatha Berridge or anyone of those girls who's been flirting with him. How would you feel then?"
"But…but he doesn't even like Agatha?" she said in shock and envy. She was jealous. I wanted her to recognize that emotion.
"That's not the point," I said. "Think about it Katniss. If Peeta decided that he wanted her or any of his classmates to be his girlfriend, how would you feel?" She sat there. I could feel her trembling. "You can't have it both ways, Katniss. I know you're scared." Whatever happened in the woods shook her enough to doubt her feelings for Peeta. I knew she was attracted to him but now that their attraction was acknowledged she was wavering.
"Be honest with yourself and to Peeta. He doesn't deserve to be left hanging because you're too scared to admit what you want from him."
"And what is that?" she asked without any anger.
"A relationship based on friendship, trust and love. A relationship like mom and dad's."
I had always admired my parent's relationship, how close and solid they were together. I wanted that for myself. For Katniss, it was the opposite. She was scared to be that vulnerable.
"I want Peeta. I don't want him to be with anyone else but me," she confessed.
"So are you telling me that you're in love with Peeta," I asked. The question startled her.
"No, yes, I mean. I know if I let myself I could love him," she sighed. "Maybe I already do. The only thing I know is that when I'm with him, he makes me nervous, happy and…"
"And?"
"I hate it when other girls are around him, wanting his attention," she admitted. "Even before, I was always irritated with the way girls flirted with him or fall over him."
"You were jealous," I stated chuckling to myself.
"I was not," she denied. Her face turned red and it wasn't because of the heat radiating from the fireplace. She fidgeted in her seat. "At the time, there wasn't any reason for me to be jealous."
"It's okay to admit it to me, Katniss."
"I didn't even know why I was angry with him most of the time," she sighed. "Could I love him? I don't know. What I do know is that I care for him, a lot. And he makes me feel things I never felt before. I want to be with him but he scares me."
Could I or should I tell her that she was already falling for him? That love couldn't be controlled, contained or quantified. You love whom you love and denying it wouldn't make it go away. But her fear was stronger. She loved dad and he almost died. She loved mom and she abandoned us for months. Since then, she ruled with her head and not her heart when it came to relationships. So I pushed her.
"Did you feel the same way about Gale like you do with Peeta?" I asked. Katniss blinked her eyes for a few seconds. "It's not the same, is it?"
"No, it's not," she confessed. Little by little I'm going to chip that wall she erected––a wall that she only let a few people in. I'm determined to let her see the positive aspects of love…especially for Peeta; that she shouldn't be ruled by fear because ultimately that was the only thing that caused her to doubt herself and Peeta. It didn't help that Gale compounded her insecurity and fear. Peeta wasn't at all like Gale, not even in the same hemisphere. Peeta was the sun, bright, cheerful and goodness while Gale was the moon, dark, ominous and mysterious.
"I'm really sorry, Katniss," I said.
"Why are you sorry?"
"You know, about Gale," I stated. I liked Gale. When Dad told us that he was dead. I was stunned. He was like a big brother to me. Katniss felt the same way. She was quiet after the news. She didn't shed any tears.
It didn't seem real that he was gone. Just like that, he was no longer in my life. I couldn't imagine what Rory was feeling. First their father now his brother. I tightened my arms around Katniss grateful that she was alive and well.
"I loved him. I can admit that," she sounded. Tears tracked her eyes. "What he wanted from me…I couldn't…didn't feel the same way. I knew he loved me too, but…not like that. Never like that. Why did he have to ruin what we had? Why couldn't he accept that I didn't want a relationship with him? He just had to push it."
"I'm sorry that your last conversation with him ended badly," I reminded her. She told me what happened between them. I wasn't surprised that they never resolved their argument. They thought they had time.
"I'm mad at him too," she admitted. "He just kept pushing me, wanting something from me I wasn't willing to give. And he thought I just needed time." She sobbed. "He was my friend and he wanted more from me. But because he didn't get what he wanted, he tried to convince me I didn't know any better. That I didn't know my own mind or heart."
"Do you know you heart, Katniss?"
"I won't deny that…I'm stubborn and proud, but it doesn't mean that I'm not capable of feeling something for someone." 'No, you're just better at denying it only to protect your heart from being hurt.' "Gale, just wanted it to be him and he was angry that I chose Peeta. I'll miss him even though he hurt me and Peeta. He was family." I nodded my head in agreement because he was family. They were the only people who could truly hurt us in ways other people couldn't.
The next morning, I woke up to find the bed empty again. I wondered if Katniss slept at all after our talk.
"Katniss, slow down," I cried out as I tried to keep up with her as we walked our way to school.
"Prim, I told you I want to see Peeta before going to school," she repeated. Once she awoke from bed she showered, had breakfast and left the house in such a fast pace, I hardly kept up. To my surprise I found the Merchant area alive with my classmates walking to school and all the shops opened as if the lives we lost the day before never happened. But it did as we eyed the butcher shop as we walked towards the bakery. It was evident that the attacks happened days before as other stores were being repaired.
The site of the shop only made Katniss desperate to reach the bakery as her pace quickened. Damn, she ran fast.
Once we reached the bakery she barged through the door. "Katniss, good morning," Peeta's dad greeted her. He looked haggard and worn like as if he aged twenty years in the past 24 hours.
"Good morning, Mr. Mellark," she greeted him in return ignoring the customers already inside the shop. "How's Peeta?" Well, that was subtle.
He took her by her elbow and led us to the back of the bakery––the kitchen area. I could tell she was disappointed hoping to find Peeta there. "I'll not lie and tell you that he slept well. He didn't," he admitted.
"What happened?" she asked with a stricken look on her face.
"He was having a lot of nightmares," he said. "All night he kept talking in his sleep saying he had a lot of blood on his hands. He kept saying it over and over." He stopped. "I finally had to give him a sedative."
"So he's still asleep?" she asked him.
"Yeah, after everything he's been through I'm not about to let him out of my sight for a next couple of days." I didn't blame him. "He's not going back to school today, neither is Rye or anyone who lost family during the attack."
"What do you mean?" I asked. Katniss at this point was more concerned of not being to see Peeta let alone listen to anything else as she kept looking at the steps that led to the second floor.
"Darius ordered that every family that lost a loved one are exempt from going to school. He's giving us a time to grieve and time to bury…" He couldn't finish his sentence. 'bury their loved one.'
Reluctantly, we had to leave the bakery. Katniss was disappointed that she couldn't see Peeta. It was so obvious that even Mr. Mellark noticed. "Here." He handed a bag to us. "I know that it won't taste like the one Peeta's makes but I want you to have it." Inside the bag were four cheese buns. It smelled and looked great that my mouth watered.
"Thank you, Mr. Mellark," Katniss said grateful for the kind gesture.
"Now scoot or else you'll be late for school," he reminded us.
At school, the atmosphere was somber. No one said anything. We all felt the loss whether you were Merchant or Seam. The school principal Mr. Maurtagh made the morning announcements. Those families who were affected by the attacks were not in school. There was going to be a mass funeral procession in two days giving the families time to bury their loved ones and make arrangements for the burial. I thought of the Mellarks and the Hawthornes. I still couldn't believe that Gale was dead. Not seeing Rory and Vick convinced me otherwise.
I looked around me as I watched all my classmates both Merchant and Seam. Peeta was right. We all bleed and died the same. It didn't matter what our hair or skin color was. It was evident that his speech affected everyone as a few Seam sat next to Merchant sharing our loss together. There were no nasty remarks spoken amongst them. It was too bad that it took this kind of tragedy for people to open their minds and their hearts. I doubted that it would change the prejudice and the bigotry that thrived in District 12. Dad was right as well. It was going to take time and patience for that kind of thinking to change. It wasn't going to happen overnight as there were those who clung to their prejudice continuing to demean Seam classmates around them.
After the attacks and with Katniss reported missing and presumed dead, something happened to me. I felt…as if my life was tainted in some way. The Seam was barely attacked but I felt my whole world shattered. Neighbors, friends and acquaintances died that day. I was lucky that Katniss and my family weren't hurt. It reminded me when the mining accident happened I was too young to understand the idea of death and loss. My father survived from the ordeal. It didn't affect me the way it affected the Hawthornes. They lost a father and a husband that day. I lost neither. Even after surviving three years of the reaping lottery, it scared me but not enough to change me the way the attacks did. It was a fact of life. However, this loss and tragedy was a rude awakening for me––that life was short even after you survived the reapings.
For example both Graham Mellark and Gale survived their reapings and they were gone––their life taken in a split second without a warning.
The last count was twenty-three dead not just Seam and Merchant but Peacekeepers as well. Eight missing were counted as presumed dead since their bodies weren't recovered. Gale was amongst them. The attack changed me in ways I didn't realize.
Katniss POV ––
During school everywhere I turned someone was staring at me. It was either a classmate or an instructor. What they were looking at I didn't know or want to know. My thoughts were of Peeta. How he hardly slept all night probably reliving the Peacekeepers he killed in order to keep us alive. I hardly slept as well suffering the same affliction. I knew it was necessary but taking a human life was…something I never thought I ever do. And I did. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, I regretted it but at the same time I didn't because had we not killed the Peacekeepers who knew where we would be––in Snow's hands or probably dead.
"Katniss?" Madge's voice disrupted my train of thought. It was lunch-time and we sat underneath our usual tree. This time however, Prim joined us. I didn't know why. She just showed up and sat beside me no word or explanation for the change. I didn't bother to ask her. My mind was back at the bakery thinking about Peeta.
I thought about the conversation Prim and I had earlier that day. I confessed my confusion about love and relationships. Before Peeta, I knew what I wanted in my life––love, marriage and children were things I never desired or planned. I knew the effects and changes love does to one person. I had mom as an example. I won't rehash what caused me to look for a life without love. All I had to do was look at my mom.
However, ever since my interaction with Peeta, his presence in my life has…turned all my ideas and thoughts in shambles. He…made me feel things I never wanted to feel. He made me wants things I never desired while he turned my world upside down.
I could imagine that it's simply because he activated the emotional and hormonal side of me––making me act like a giddy school girl wanting to be with her crush. I never wanted to be that girl. As it turned out I was that kind of girl when it came to Peeta. He had done the impossible.
I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.
When dad told me that Gale was dead, my heart stopped for a moment. Though I didn't love him the he wanted me to, he was still important to me. He was family. I loved him even when he tried to destroy the tenuous relationship I had with Peeta. A relationship I was trying to forge. He was a jerk and asshole trying to pin Ivan's death on Peeta. I could never forgive me for that, ever. But now, he's dead.
Will I lose Peeta the same way just as I resolved to want him in my life? I'm scared to lose him now that I have him.
"Are you working today?" Her question startled me. I had forgotten that I worked at the bakery. Just for a few seconds I had forgotten.
"Uh, yeah. I am," I told her. I reached into the bag Mr. Mellark gave me this morning. Holding the cheese bun, it reminded me of Peeta who was at home grieving for his brother and recuperating from our ordeal. I missed him and wish I was with him to comfort and support him. At least I'll be nearby while he's recuperating. This time if any of those girls visited I had every right to act like his girlfriend without feeling guilty.
"Hey," Delly said as she approached us. "I was wondering if you guys didn't mind if I sat with you?" She looked sad and tired as she had dark circles underneath her eyes. She looked as though she hasn't slept either.
"Oh, Delly, hi," Prim greeted her. "No we don't mind, do we Katniss?" I shrugged my shoulders not caring if she did or not. She sat next to Madge her back towards the playground. A group of her Merchant classmate stared at her.
"It's just…Tyler…he's been crying most of the morning," she started. Tyler? I had forgotten about Peeta and Rye's nephew. "Between him and Peeta, they both kept all of us up."
"What's wrong with Peeta?" Madge asked.
"He's been…" She turned to me blue meeting gray. "He's been having nightmares all morning. Dad stayed with him in his room to comfort him…and then Tyler was fussy…I think…" She sobbed but kept her tears at bay. "He was looking for his mom and dad all morning. He kept crying…Rye and I didn't know what to do. We thought he needed a diaper change but he kept crying so I tried to feed him. He just didn't stop." She placed a hand over her mouth. "Rye's a mess and so is dad."
"Who's taking care of Tyler?" I asked. With Jimmy opening the shop, who had Tyler?
"He's with my mom," she stated. "I'm so tired I slept through my first period." I tuned them out taking a bite of my cheese bun. Jimmy was right. It didn't taste like the ones Peeta made but it was still good enough to eat.
"Is that…did Peeta make that?" Madge asked as she watched me take another bite. Prim bit into her own cheese bun as well. "I've heard those are really good." She sniffed the air. "Oh, God that smells wonderful."
"His dad made it," Delly answered. "I woke up smelling cheese and garlic so I knew he made it. I don't think anyone in the house slept well." She reached into her own lunch bag. "Here I have extra." Madge reached over and grabbed the cheese bun aiming the bread straight into her mouth. She moaned.
"Oh my God, these are…awesome," she declared with another moan of appreciation.
"Oh, if you think those are good, you should eat the one Peeta makes," Prim added.
"You mean Peeta makes ones better than this?" Madge said surprise lacing her voice with her mouth full of bread. I stifled a burst of laughter lodged in my throat. Taking another bite reminded me of my boyfriend.
"Did you see Peeta at all?" I asked.
"Just for a bit," she answered. "He was actually getting ready to go to school when dad told him he didn't have to."
It was odd having Delly sit with us during lunch. Ordinarily, she was with Rye and their Merchant classmates. I didn't resent or were bothered by her sitting with us. It just made me realize how much changed after the attacks.
For the rest of the day, school was a blur to me. I couldn't concentrate as I kept looking at the clock waiting for the moment the last class bell to ring. Once it rang I ran out of my class, packed my books in my backpack and waited for Prim.
The bakery storefront was empty when we both walked into the store. I was relieved. "Hey, Katniss," Jimmy greeted us. "Prim."
"Hello, Mr. Mellark," Prim returned.
"You know, it's been pretty slow and quiet today. You can go home if you like." I wasn't about to be discouraged to see Peeta. Granted it was slow and I wasn't needed to work but…
"Dad," Rye's voiced filtered from the back room. "I'm going to make the delivery now."
"Okay, Rye," he yelled back.
"You look…tired, Jimmy," I started. "I don't mind staying to help even if it's slow today." Could he tell I really wanted to see Peeta? He snickered.
"It's okay, Katniss," he muttered. "I know that you've been wanting to see him all day so go ahead." I was about to run up the stairs when he stopped me. "Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For taking care of him out there," he said. I smiled.
"No need to thank me. We took care of each other," I explained.
I ran up to staircase two at time with Prim right behind me. My heart raced while stomach churned. Then I saw him. Peeta was sitting in the living room staring into the distance his eyes glazed, haunted by images only he envisioned in his mind. "Peeta?" I stared at my…boyfriend. He wore a light blue shirt the front unbuttoned and a pair of white linen pants. He looked adorable and handsome despite the fact that he needed to comb his unruly hair and a shave. I had to remind myself that he was only sixteen years old but carried himself like a man who had experienced his fair share of sorrow and loss. I shouldn't doubt my feelings for him but I do, not because I didn't care about him because the problem is that I do care for him, a lot. But we're not at that point in our relationship that he felt confident around me so I hovered.
"Katniss?" he acknowledged my presence. His eyes twinkled in recognition so I smiled back in return. 'Baby steps,' I reminded myself. "Prim?"
"Hi, Peeta," she greeted him. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she sat next to him. I bit back the jealousy I felt between them. I envied their friendship at being at ease with each other. I wasted so much time despising him not knowing that it was because I was attracted to him.
"Okay, I guess," he answered back. He blushed when he realized that his front shirt was open. My brows scrunched in amusement. Why was he shy now when all day yesterday he was half naked? He wasn't uncomfortable then. And it could be that Prim was staring at him.
Just then, I remembered that I wore a dress today. Not anything new but something I barely wore for school. I wore the dress with him in mind. "You look better," I said. In truth, he had dark circles underneath his eyes and his face was gaunt from exhaustion. He also looked like he lost weight overnight.
"Your dad said that you had nightmares all night?"
He nodded his head as his eyes avoided my mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really." I didn't blame him since I too couldn't admit to Prim the nightmares that plagued me last night. I didn't lie to her but omitted the truth.
"I couldn't sleep either." Then I noticed dishes of food on the coffee table. One platter had eggs and a piece of toast. There were two bites on the bread and the eggs half eaten. The other dish had a sandwich untouched. He had barely eaten a full mean for breakfast and lunch. "Peeta, you barely ate today." I said it out loud as more of a statement and not an accusation.
"I'm not hungry."
"Peeta! You need to eat," Prim scolded him. "Are you feeling sick, nauseous? Does your head still hurt?" On the side of his head was slight discoloration on his cheek, a bruise formed. "Is that why you don't have an appetite?"
"I'm just don't feel like eating is all."
"Peeta, you have to eat," she insisted. "You're too skinny as it is."
"Prim, don't––"
"Katniss, look at him." I was looking at him. I could now admit why girls flirted with him and wanted his attention. He was attractive with his golden blonde hair that curled in the ends, his cornflower blue eyes and his plump pink lips. He wasn't tall like his brothers but he was the perfect height for me that I didn't strain my neck looking at his face. But Prim was right about one thing, he needed to gain weight. He looked fragile not just physically but also mentally.
"Your mom told me to drink some medicine every four hours," he said. "It makes me nauseous." Before leaving last night, she instructed Jimmy to give him a homemade herbal concoction to fight off infections from the claw marks he received.
"When was the last time you drank it?" Prim asked as she felt his forehead. I love my sister I truly do but her touching Peeta, it didn't sit well with me. She's my sister and all but he is my boyfriend. Tired of the physical distance between Peeta and me, I sat on the opposite sit of Prim taking his clammy hand in mine. Prim snickered at me.
And of course, Peeta was oblivious as he was busy staring at our clasped hands. "Peeta?" Prim called out to him.
"Uh, what? Oh, um…I think dad gave it to me about two and half hours ago."
"Well, it should have settled in your stomach so…" She leaned over to the coffee table and picked up the sandwich. "Eat," she commanded.
Peeta winced. "Is she always this bossy?" he muttered under his breath as he took the plate from her hand.
"Do you don't know the half of it," I bit back.
"Humph, you think I'm bossy," Prim started. "I'm not bossy like your girlfriend."
"Poor, Peeta," Rye's voice startled me as he appeared by the stairwell. "Looks like you have a handful, Peet," he teased him.
"You're fiancée is not any better, Rye," Peeta returned with a smile on his face. "Where is Delly by the way?"
"She's at Sonja's parents house visiting," he answered. "I'm going there to help her pick up some of Tyler's things. But in the meantime," he addressed Prim. "Do you want to help me bake some cookies? I need to make a batch before heading over there after work."
"Prim, you haven't even started your homework yet," I reminded her.
"It won't take long," Rye interjected. "Just as soon as we're done, I need to pack my bags. I could use the help."
"Please Katniss," she begged. "I promise to do my homework once we're done." I relented and let her help Rye. Having her work downstairs provided me the alone time I wanted with Peeta. Prim practically skipped down the stairs right behind Rye.
"What's going on?" I asked. "Why is Rye packing a bag? Where is he going?"
"Delly's parents and dad decided that it was best that they live with her parents until the wedding."
"Why?"
"There isn't enough room here and with my…nightmares and Tyler missing his parents, they thought it was best that they stayed with her parents. It's quiet there. Tyler will also be close enough for Sonja's parents to visit him."
"And your dad agreed with the arrangement?" Prim inquired.
"Well, they were going to move out anyway after the wedding so…" He didn't look pleased. "Besides, Delly needs help with Tyler and her mom will be there to help her."
For a few minutes I watched Peeta eat his sandwich. During this time, I kept my hand wrapped around his freehand. He took small bites nibbling on the bread as if he was having a difficult time chewing. Then, I realized that his jaw must hurt when he was struck with the end of the rifle. "Peeta, are you having a hard time chewing?" He looked guilty. Good God, it was bad enough that he hit the back of his head when he was attacked, then he received another injury yesterday. "Why didn't you just say something?"
"Your mom and Prim has done so much for already, Katniss," he sighed. "I didn't want to…bother them."
"Well, it's no wonder you don't have an appetite. I'll just tell Prim that––" I was about stand up and call out to Prim when he tugged my back.
"No don't," he pleaded. "I'm fine just as long as I don't chew on the right side." However, the more he chewed, the more his jaw ached. It was painful watching him.
"Why don't I make you something else to eat that won't make you chew so much," I suggested.
"Katniss," he whined.
"No, you're having a hard time eating and I'm going to make you something that won't make you jaw hurt while you're chewing and that's that."
"Can I at least help you?"
"No."
"How about if I––"
"Peeta!"
"Okay, okay," he sighed in resignation. "Geez, next you'll be telling me to cut my hair and tell me how to dress." He mumbled under his breath but I heard him nonetheless.
"No," I burst my voice high-pitched causing him to jump in his seat. "I mean, don't cut your hair." His brow furrowed. "I mean, you can cut your hair if you want." I was rambling. Truthfully, I loved it when his hair was long. I liked running my fingers through his luscious blond locks. Embarrassed, I busied myself in the kitchen looking for a skillet. "How about I make you some soup?"
"Katniss, you shouldn't trouble yourself––" He stopped when I glared back at him. He raised his hands in surrender. "I think there's still rabbit meat in the ice box." He stood up and walked towards me. I could feel him next to me causing my skin to…tingle. "Can I at least help you? I could cut the vegetables while you prepare the rabbit."
'If it meant to be around him and be this close, why not?'
"Are you sure your okay to be working?" I asked as he chopped vegetables into precise and manageable pieces. He worked efficiently and with such concentration. I felt at ease working besides him while I prepared the rabbit meat like we were a married couple in our home.
"I'm not hurting myself if you're asking," he blustered. "Besides, I'm getting bored since Dad won't let me work at the bakery today."
"He did say it was a slow day so…" A few minutes later, the soup was simmering as Prim arrived after helping Rye downstairs.
"Katniss," she cried out with a large smile on her face. "Look what I made with Rye." She extended a plate of sugar cookies towards me. They smelled delicious. I was impressed as each cookie was the same in size and were perfectly baked.
"You're sister is a natural," Rye complimented her. "Next I'll teach her to make muffins." He walked into his bedroom. A few minutes later, he had a duffel bag over his shoulder. "I'm heading out now to pick up Delly and Tyler."
Peeta was quiet and looked sad as he realized that his brother was moving out of their home. Rye noticed his demeanor. "Hey, I'm just moving out sooner than I planned. It's not like you can't visit me when Delly and I move into our assigned dwelling." Once married, the newlyweds were assigned housing. Ordinarily, they would have lived above the bakery, but Rye wasn't interested in owning the shop. He would still work there after he got married but Peeta would be the sole owner.
When Jimmy passes, the bakery would be passed to Peeta. His mother was totally against it. I couldn't understand her objection for Peeta to inherit the bakery since he was the true baker in the family.
Rye gave his younger brother a quick hug. "You take are of yourself, Peet," he said as he ruffled Peeta's hair. He winced as Rye accidently grazed the top of his head. "No more visits to the Justice Building, okay?" he added teasing. "I need you…you're my best man, remember?" Peeta nodded his head. "If you need me, for anything remember that we'll be at the Cartwrights."
"Bye, Prim," he said.
"Goodbye, Rye," she returned. "Thank you for teaching me how to make sugar cookies."
"No problem. I'll see you tomorrow."
At the last minute, he turned to me placing a hand on my elbow leading us to the stairwell. "Take care of my brother, Katniss." A quick word and he was gone. Just like Peeta he left a scent of vanilla, yeast and cinnamon behind him as he traversed down the stairs. "Dad, I'm leaving now," his voice echoed downstairs.
'Take care of my brother?' His departing word puzzled and surprised me. It dawned on me how Jimmy and Rye were quick to accept me as Peeta's girlfriend. They didn't see a girl with dark hair and gray eyes not unlike his mother who was pushing any Merchant girl for Peeta to marry.
Thank God, she was no longer involved their lives, especially Peeta. I turned to find Prim already at work with her homework while Peeta was busy searching through the cabinets.
"What are you doing?" I inquired as he pulled out a baking sheet from one of the drawers. There were ingredients on the kitchen island––flour, salt, yeast, a block of cheese, garlic and a cup of water.
"I…well. I thought I make a batch of cheese buns," he answered. "It'll go well with the rabbit soup." My mouth watered at the thought of his 'cheese buns.' Granted, the batch his father made was delicious, but Peeta's versions were to die for. I could eat them all day and night. They were that good. Also they were soft enough for him to eat without hurting his jaw.
"Need any help?" I asked wanting to be near him while he concocted his famous bread. I have never seen him outside the bakery working. Watching him make the cheese buns felt intimate and personal.
"It's not that difficult and won't take long," he responded. "But if you shred the cheese, that'll speed things up."
After shredding a cup of cheese, I was done within a few minutes but managed to steal pieces in between shredding the ball of cheese trying figure out its' flavor. It was goat as I expected.
Besides me I noticed that Peeta was tiring from kneading the dough. There was a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he struggled to pound the dough with his fists. I wasn't about to intervene since I detected that he needed something to do as he was cooped up all day. This was what he did best and I wasn't about to interfere just as he never interfered when we were at the forest days before. That's what I loved about him, he never once felt emasculated or insulted as I hunted with my bow while he trailed and took instructions from me. Other boys would have been put off or angry for taking charge and telling them what to do.
An hour later, the soup was done and so was the cheese bun. The smell of rabbit meat and cheese floated in the air. "Hey, it smells really good up here," Peeta's dad mentioned as he appeared from downstairs. He removed his apron and walked over to the kitchen.
"Katniss made rabbit soup, dad," Peeta announced with pride.
"And Peeta made cheese buns," I complimented.
"You didn't have to do that, Katniss," he said. Jimmy looked tired but relieved.
"I didn't mind," I said. I didn't since I knew that Peeta hadn't eaten all day. Prim was packing her bag as I realized it was time to go home. "Anyway, it's time to go home."
"Since you made dinner, please stay and join us," he suggested.
"Oh, we can't," I said. "Mom and Dad will be worried sick if we don't get home on time."
"I call them to let them know you're staying for dinner," he argued. "Please. Peeta and I would appreciate the company now Delly and Rye moved out."
Dinner was delicious as Jimmy completed the meal with a strawberry cheese tart for dessert. I sat next to Peeta making sure that he ate enough. Being with them instead of mom and dad was strange but comfortable. Peeta was quiet all during dinner only speaking when spoken to. I could count on Prim to provide dinner conversation or else the whole meal would have been awkward.
"Peeta and I will walk you girls home," his father said as I piled dishes onto the sink.
"I…should help you clean the dishes," I said feeling guilty.
"No, you and Prim were our guests this evening and guests don't do dishes," he admonished me. "Come on, it's late and you're parents will skin my hide I don't get you home before curfew."
The walk home was quiet and peaceful. Prim kept snickering in my direction as I held Peeta's hand all the way back to the Seam. I argued that he needed support as he favored his other foot since he twisted his other ankle. I tried not to blush every time I looked back at his dad as he trailed behind us. He had a big smile on his face. You wouldn't have known he was the same guy that just lost his first born son and daughter in law days before. Jimmy carried a paper bag filled with loaves of bread. I assured him that it wasn't necessary but he argued back saying, "It's a thank you for taking care of Peeta and to repay your mom for taking good care of my boy."
Once, we reached the Seam Prim ran up the stairs to our home. Mom and dad were surprised when they saw Peeta and his dad with us. Mom invited Jimmy to visit for a few minutes giving me time alone with Peeta.
I led him to the back of the house. It was quiet and peaceful as the sun kissed the horizon sending an orange glow around us. He had both hands in his pockets as he toed the dirt in front of him. He was adorably shy and nervous around me.
"This is my favorite time of day," Peeta said as he stared at the sun setting in the horizon. I kept quiet listening to the soft but masculine timber of his voice. It was soothing. "You know, now that we're dating, I think there are things I should know about you. You know the hard and personal stuff."
I was startled by his statement. "Personal stuff?"
"Well, we're friends, right? And friend share things."
I panicked and it showed as Peeta shut down from my reaction. "Too soon? Sorry." He turned his head away from disappointment. I winced realizing that I hurt him. 'Could I trust him with my personal fears and demons?'
I swallowed my fears and insecurity of losing him. I wanted him that was a fact but wanting and keeping him still scared me. "What do you want to know?" I really need to relax and not let my fears drive him away.
"Nothing, just forget it," he sighed. I looked at him and wondered how he could love so passionately and freely despite his horrible upbringing. But I wondered most of all how he had a crush on me for so long.
"I'm sorry, what do you want to know?" He smiled as if I had given the best present on his birthday. The smile was toothy and wide, his eyes twinkled. He scrunched his face thinking for a moment.
"What is your favorite color?" My brows furrowed. This was hard and personal, 'What is my favorite color?' I smiled to myself.
"What do you think?" I flirted. I could do this, be that girl for him, just for him.
"Oh, I know," he started. "Hm…yellow like the sun, no. I know, blue like sky on a clear day. Pink, maybe. Wait, those are wrong." He tapped his lips with a finger then stared into my eyes. "Green." I gasped in surprise.
"How did you––"
"You're not like any ordinary girl, Katniss. Blue, yellow, pink wouldn't suit you." I wanted him to kiss me. 'Huh, where did that come from?' my mind screamed. "Other girls say pink, baby blue and yellow but not you. You defy ordinary."
I blushed at his compliment. He said the simplest things yet it sent tingles down my spine. I wasn't used to compliments from other than my family.
"How about you?" I asked as I felt heat rise on my face.
"Orange," he said as he pointed to the sunset. "Like that kind of orange, warm not bright." It made sense that his color wasn't the typical male hue––blue, red and black.
I remembered his bright orange socks he wore that fateful day when Cray…I shuddered when recalled the memories of him lying on our dining table bleeding to death.
We stood together gazing at the setting sun when suddenly a cool breeze grazed by skin. I shivered. Peeta, the gentle young man I grew to adore took my hand into his. His gesture was a declaration or statement of the growing closeness I hoped for. He moved slowly and purposefully not demanding more than I can handle––like a hunter creeping towards his prey. This moment felt like a second unplanned second date. It was perfect way to end the day.
Peeta POV ––
I closed my eyes. I felt suffocated as if thousands of ants were crawling on my skin. My shirt collar felt tight, my hands glistened with sweat and my throat ached. Today, my dad, brother and I buried my brother Graham and his wife Sonja. Dad had decided that Delly would stay home with Tyler. It was not a place for him to be as others were huddled together burying their loved ones as well.
Sonja's parents and sister stood besides Dad, Rye and me. It was a horrifying and gut wrenching scene as each casket were delivered and carried to our once small now large cemetery as 20 Merchants and Seam were laid to rest. I sobbed thinking about my brother was amongst them. It didn't feel real. However, the reality sunk as I watched his casket lowered in to the cold, dark ground.
My dad had insisted on a closed casket when all of the caskets were placed inside our school's gymnasium as family and friends paid their respect to the grieving families. He didn't want Rye and me to remember my brother cold, pale and disfigured as the last image we would remember him by. I couldn't remember out last conversations, words or interaction. I loved him, but had never spoken the words to his face from one brother to another. I'll always regret that.
My mom at least had the decency to remain and respectful as she stood across Dad not standing beside him like a family united by grief. You could feel and see the distance between them, not two people who felt the loss of a son together.
I felt alone, guilty and heartbroken. So many thoughts ran in my head––could I have prevented this? Was this my fault? What could I do to stop this from happening again?
This had Snow written all over it. I knew it the moment I was told that Graham and Sonja was dead. My interview with Darius only confirmed it.
Flashback ––
Katniss' grip on my hand tightened as we passed the huge double doors to the Justice Building. The building in itself was imposing. It stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the shops and other buildings surround it. The design and architecture was pure Capitol from the clean and cut lines of the large stones and marbles floors to the large white door panels.
I flinched as the guards escorted Haymitch, Dad, Katniss and I to the familiar corridor that led to the interview rooms. I fought back memories of my first interview with Cray and Snow. This wasn't déjà vu as I felt and remembered that fateful day reliving those moments like a video streaming over and over with no end in sight.
"You're going to be okay, Peeta," Dad said as he trailed behind Katniss and me. "I'm not going to leave you alone, again."
"And you have me too, Peeta," Haymitch added.
"And me," Katniss swore. I nodded not feeling secure of their reassurances and comfort. As Darius entered the room, he stored his rifle inside a hidden panel and then pressed three buttons on a control panel. Once I realized that was inside the same interrogation room I had with Cray, I felt dizzy. My cheek ached from the rifle the other Peacekeeper struck me with. I trembled feeling the cold air conditioning blaring through the vents on the walls.
"Peeta?" Katniss spoke my name. "Are you okay?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It…it's cold in here." My teeth chattered. " I don't remember being this cold before." The next thing I knew dad removed his shirt draping it over my shoulder. Underneath he wore a white t-shirt that has seen better days as it was stained with oil and food coloring. For the first time since he appeared I looked at him. His hair was in disarray, there were large dark circles and his skin was pale. He looked a mess.
"Shit, Darius. It's like an ice box in here," Haymitch commented as he shuddered in exaggeration.
"Well, I didn't invite in here for a social," Darius reminded him. He turned without ceremony. "I'm not going to make state your name, age and whatever, Peeta. I think we're beyond that now. I'm going to ask you a few questions and I expect you to answer me honestly. Have a seat." He gestured to a chair across him.
Katniss released my hand and sat next to me. Dad flanked me on the other side as Haymitch remained standing. Their presence comforted me for only a second. "Also, I extended a courtesy to allow all three of you to accompany Peeta for this interview. However, I expect to be not interrupted or any interference from any of you."
"I appreciate that you're allowing us in here," Dad said.
"Just get on with it, Darius," Haymitch stated in an exasperated tone. "The kid needs medical attention if you having noticed the state he's in."
"Haymitch, just let Darius do his job," Dad interjected.
"Mr. Abernathy, shut up or I'll throw you out," Darius ordered. "You have no relations to Peeta. You shouldn't even be in here."
"Whatever, just question him already so we can take him home," Haymitch glared at him in defiance.
"Peeta, where were you during the dog attacks?" He stared into my eyes daring me to lie to him. I looked at Haymitch. On his face was a look of panic and fear. "Don't look at him to help you. Just answer me honestly."
"I…I was in the woods beyond the electrical fence," I confessed as truthfully as possible.
"Why? You know the penalty for crossing the fence," he reminded me.
"I was with Peeta as well," Katniss interrupted me. Darius looked impatient as he scolded her.
"I didn't ask you where you were, Ms. Everdeen," he stated. "This interrogation doesn't involve you for the moment." 'Hell, I didn't want to involve Katniss in any wrongdoing. Snow was after me.'
"Well, if you're going to punish Peeta for breaking the law, then you need to know that it was my idea."
"Katniss, don't––"
"No, I'm not going to sit here and let him think that you were alone––"
"I'm aware that Peeta wasn't alone. I just need to know why both of you broke the law and crossed the fence."
"I…I…" I stumbled to explain myself without implicating Katniss or having her shoulder the blame.
"I was the one who led him beyond the fence," Katniss admitted. "Peeta and I…we wanted…some privacy. Some time alone. You know to…" She blushed and I did as well. Dad looked amused while Haymitch snickered at her implication. She had implied that we wanted to be alone and have some privacy to have sex. It was so far from the truth, but Darius didn't know that.
"There are plenty of places to go without breaching the fence, like the slagheap," Darius mentioned. The thought of taking Katniss to that abominable place disgusted me.
"I would never take Katniss there," I seethed in anger. "She deserves better than that…that cess pool. I took her beyond the fence because I wanted privacy, I wanted to spend some time with my girl."
"Be as it may, you broke the law, Peeta," Darius stated. I closed my eyes.
"It was my idea––" Katniss panicked. "If you're going to punish anyone, punish me. I was the one who dragged him out there."
"No, she's lying" I said. Everyone knew the punishment for crossing the electrical fence––you were stripped down to your waist, both hands bound to the post and given 20 lashes. The same punishment I received from Cray. I couldn't let that happen to Katniss. "She's just trying to protect me."
"Oh my God," dad spoke horrified and scared. "Peeta?"
"Darius, you can't be serious––"
"No, Peeta's lying," Katniss yelled. "It was me––"
"Everyone shut up," he said as he stood up his voice echoed in the cold white room. Katniss grabbed my hand. Dad rose from his seat and stood behind me.
"Peeta, didn't do anything wrong. I thought you were questioning him for his stunt in front of the Justice Building," dad stated. "You can't be serious about…"
"Listen, someone saw both Peeta and Katniss crossing the fence," Darius explained. "He also basically tried to incite a riot in front of hundreds of people, I have to report both incidents. I'm trying to do my job. So everyone shut up or I'll clear the room."
"Please, I…it's the truth. Katniss and I kept our relationship a secret from everyone," I lied. Once I started I couldn't stop. "You know how it is around here, Merchants are not to supposed get involved with Seam. I couldn't risk getting us caught so…it was my idea to cross the fence. I knew it was against the law but…I wanted…I just wanted to spend some time with my girl."
"Peeta, stop," Katniss begged. "He's lying, I was the one––"
"Shut up," Darius said. "So, the only reason why you dared and broke the law because you wanted to spend time with your girlfriend in the woods…you wanted to have some time alone and privacy?"
"Yes," I lied. "Like I said, I would never take Katniss at the slagheap. I never wanted our parents to find out what we were doing…that we are together…in a relationship."
"Is he telling the truth, Ms. Everdeen," Darius asked her.
"No––"
"I'd advise you to think very carefully. Was it his idea to drag you into the woods so you could be together? You weren't out there committing any crime against Panem? That you both weren't out there defying any law or rules just only having some…fun?"
I squeezed her hand. She looked back at me staring into my eyes as I pleaded with her to protect herself. "So what is it, Ms. Everdeen?" he inquired. I didn't know what Darius was doing.
"Listen to what Peacekeeper Darius is asking you, Katniss," Haymitch advised. "Just nod your head and agree with him. You went to the forest with Peeta because you wanted to…spend 'quality' time with your boyfriend."
"Yes, I followed Peeta willingly into the woods," she lied as well.
"And then Peeta was attacked and both of you got stuck because by the time you got back, the fence was back on, am I correct on that assumption? Darius continued.
"Yes, you're right. Everything you said is true," I said.
"And it was Peeta's idea," Darius implied. Was he helping to implicate me just so I could protect Katniss? That I was shouldering the blame and responsibility so that Katniss wouldn't be punished?
"Say yes and tell Darius that you understand, Katniss?" Haymitch said. She shook her head.
"What is going on, Haymitch?" Dad voiced, his tone hard and angry. "Have you any idea what you're doing to Peeta?"
"He does, Dad," I interjected. "Please listen to Peacekeeper Darius and Haymitch. I understand what they're doing."
"Well I don't, damnit," Dad said with fury and shock. "Haymitch, how could you––"
"Mr. Mellark," Darius addressed him. "If you value you're son's life just shut the fuck up and do as I tell you. Keep quiet and trust me." Dad scoffed.
"Trust you, a peacekeeper? You Peacekeepers have done nothing but try to implicate my son for a murder he didn't commit. Then, one of you Peacekeepers charged him for the murder then almost killed him without any proof or evidence. So no, I don't trust anyone, especially Peacekeepers––"
"Jimmy––" Haymitch tried to warn him off. I felt my dad's frustration and anger but he was losing his temper. It took a lot for him to do that. Even with my mother, he tolerated her sneers and insults.
"Mr. Mellark," Darius began.
"Dad, please stop," I begged him. "He's right. Peacekeeper Darius is right. I did cross the fence and I broke the law. I have to accept whatever punishment for breaking it." I hope my scars have healed long enough. Will I survive this?
The tenuous moment was shattered when a viewing monitor turned on and Snow's familiar logo appeared on the screen. Suddenly, my throat felt parched as I swallowed a box of chalk. Darius stood up and saluted President Snow as his imaged flood the monitor.
"Peacekeeper Darius," President Snow started. "It has come to my attention that you have a problem in our district. By now, you realized that I have sent drones to help you…manage the locales."
"Yes, sir," Darius complied. "Thank you for your forethought and assistance."
"I do believe that we came to an understanding since our last communication," he told him. "You're report of yesterday's incident was thorough."
"I was going to send you another one this morning, sir."
"I'm impressed as how you managed to contain the wild dogs that attacked your district. You should be commended for the excellent job you're doing there."
"My existence is merely to service you and Panem." Haymitch scoffed as he bit back a comment I knew he wanted to share, but thought better against it.
"So…I see that you have apprehended Mr. Mellark," Snow observed. "I am not pleased at the matter of how it was dealt. Explain to me how shooting one of my own guards was a prudent decision."
"I'm sorry, Mr. President, but Peacekeeper Melton was out of line, sir. I was trying to contain Peeta for questioning when Melton threatened his life in front of hundreds of people and with your drone recording. I didn't want to lose any more control that I already lost at that moment. I had no choice, sir."
"He's right. President Snow," Haymitch added his two cents. "Had Melton killed Peeta in cold blood, I guarantee you there would have riots and chaos in District 12. We had just been attacked, we lost so many lives and murdering Peeta would have been the last straw."
"My drone recorded the whole incident," Snow reminded me. "Mr. Peeta Mellark was…inciting a crowd in the act of sedition."
"President Snow, if I may speak freely," Haymitch said as he stood next to my dad and behind me. Katniss was quiet and still her hand wound tightly around mine. She looked scared.
"You often do, Mr. Abernathy," Snow retorted.
"Peeta had just lost his brother during the attacks, he himself was injured. What you heard and saw was just ranting from a young man, sir. A young man who had been beaten almost to death by one of your own for a crime he didn't commit. Then to lose his brother and his home devastated. What you heard was grief and hopelessness. Rantings from a boy who lost so much in a short amount of time."
"So the injuries he sustained was from the attacks?" Snow queried. I saw and felt everyone held their breath. My head throbbed in pain from head to jaw. For a second I felt dizzy and nauseous and swallowed the bile that rose from my throat.
"Yes, sir," Darius was quick to answer. "Peeta was very lucky to survive the dog attack and was not injured fatally." Snow's brow furrowed.
"I see," he returned. "There is still the matter of Peeta's display of defiance against me. I cannot let that slide."
"If I may speak sir," Darius spoke. "It is true that he spoke against you in front of hundreds of people. He needs to be made as an example. I agree." I sucked in a breath. I wondered what kind of punishment awaited me. Another twenty lashes, my father's bakery taxed to an amount he cannot pay for that we would lose it?
"However, since he was unjustly punished a few weeks ago by Head Peacekeeper Cray for a crime that he didn't commit." Oh, I guess Ivan's death was still unsolved. "I believe that the punishment he received then should be considered as paid for." Memories again flashed in my head that it caused the room to sway and blur in front of me. I was losing focus and coherency.
"Besides, I don't think that the locales in District 12 would want to see Peeta punished again after suffering such devastation with the loss of their loved ones," Haymitch added. "And if you insist on punishing Peeta, you're only making him a martyr in the eyes of Panem. And you, President Snow don't want that."
"And you agree, Peacekeeper Darius," he asked his soldier.
"Yes, sir. Tension here is already tenuous. Punishing Peeta would only create dissension, bitterness and hostility."
"I don't agree with your actions or suggestions. I do believe that you my young Peacekeeper are doing your best to maintain order in your district," he said with a look of displeasure on his face. "For that I will commend you." His stern eyes turned to me. "As for you Mr. Peeta Mellark, again you have managed disrupt peace at your district causing more harm than good."
"He's done nothing wrong," Katniss cried out in frustration and anger. "He would not be in this position if it weren't for Head Peacekeeper Cray."
"Katniss!" Haymitch started to berate her. "Be quiet. Don't make matters worse."
"It's already at its worse," she bit back.
"Katniss, stop," I pleaded with her as I stood in front of her blocking her view from the monitor. "Just stop." She relented.
"It would be best Abernathy that you teach young Ms. Everdeen manners," Snow said. "You may be the farthest district from my reach but my arm is long and swift." Shit, he had basically threatened her in front of us including Darius to hear. "I believe that you have felt my influence."
The room was eerily quiet. I could hear my dad breathing behind me. Haymitch fidgeted as he rubbed his chin scratching his beard. As for Katniss, she had tears brimming her eyes as she bit into her lower lip. The temperature felt colder like ice. I was so tired, tired of fighting unseen forces that attacked my family, tired of being strong as others used me for their own selfish purpose. The room was cold but a wave of heat rose from my chest. I felt suffocated as I stood up.
I don't what happened for the next I knew I was in my home. It was dark in my bedroom. The change of scenery startled me because my last recollection was Katniss screaming as the world turned black around me.
End of Flashback ––
All night I woke sweating on my bed gasping through my mouth. At one point dad shook me awoke from a never ending nightmare. In my dreams I lost everyone my family, my friends and Katniss. In my last dream, I was walking through District 12 as it was burned to ashes piles of burned bodies on my feet––they were unrecognizable. I looked down on my hands and saw blood. Blood from the Peacekeepers I killed and blood from my family.
"Peeta, you're okay," he comforted me. I felt his soft cotton shirt on my cheek as tears soaked the cloth causing it to stick to his skin. "You're home and safe now. You're okay, I promise."
"Graham," I sobbed. "Graham's gone?" Words failed him as he just nodded his head.
Now, I stood beside my Dad with my mother at the other side of Graham's coffin watching as we lay him to rest. All around me were screams of pain and anguish as other family members watched their loved ones interred in the ground.
Someone grabbed my hand. I looked up to see with Katniss tears in her eyes. I had none left to spare. After the burial, Haymitch, the Edgewoods, and Everdeens gathered at the bakery. The air was thick and somber as no one knew what to say or how to console dad, Rye and me. I guess that was the point––we were grieving but not alone. I was comforted and thankful for that.
Throughout the day, people and friends stopped by to pay their condolences. I touched by their thoughts and prayer they extended to us. It comforted my broken heart. However, whatever peace and tranquility we had was shattered when my mother and none other than 'her daughter' Agatha Berridge showed up at the bakery. It was an insult to Rye and me when she called Agatha the daughter she never had. I was sickened by her behavior and insensitivity.
"Why the hell are they here?" she screamed when she noticed the Everdeens inside the bakery. "They have no right to be here."
"Neither are you," Dad stated as a matter of fact. "Why are you here, Evelyn?"
"I just buried my eldest son, James," she argued back. "I am still Rye and Peeta's mother. We are still family. I also want to see my grandson."
"Since when have we ever been family?" he returned. "Since when have you ever been their mother?"
"James, how dare you talk to me that way?"
"I removed you from our lives weeks ago. You, Evelyn do not have the right to be here," he reminded her. "You brought them into this world, I will always be grateful for that but that is where the relationships ends." Dad was sad and heart broken as well but with the appearance of mom, something in him snapped. Grief was replace by anger and something else I couldn't identify.
"I am still their mother," she spouted with a smug look on her face. "You can't deny that. I am Tyler's grandmother."
"By blood, you are their mother other than that, when it matters you are not," he said. "You have not been a mother to them for years. As for Tyler, he is off limits as well."
"You can't stop me from seeing or visiting him."
"It's not like you cared when Graham and Sonja were alive," dad accused her. "You hardly visited Tyler if I recall."
"Why are you trying to humiliate me in front of those…people?" she screamed with anger written on her face. Agatha slinked back realizing that she was intruding. Katniss stood in front blocking Agatha's view towards my direction. She scowled back at her when Agatha started to walk towards me.
"You humiliate yourself. You are not welcome here."
"Rye? Peeta?" she called out to us. I turned my head not wanting to talk or confront her. I didn't have the energy. Rye? He thought otherwise.
"You need to leave, mother," he said his voice cold and hard. "You heard my dad, you are not welcome here."
"Delly, please talk reason with Rye," she pleaded with my brother's fiancée. Tyler in the meantime was upstairs asleep. Thank God for that.
"Evelyn," Haymitch interjected. "This is sad day for everyone. It is best that you leave since you are not welcome here."
"But you are? The town drunk?" she blustered insulting Haymitch.
"I maybe the town drunk, but at least I'm welcome here where you are not," Haymitch shot back.
"You're a disgrace to this town, to our district," mom fought back.
"Listen, I could trade insult for insult all day long," he returned. "Have the decency to behave in our time of grief."
Just as mother was about to talk back Mayor Undersee appeared at our door. "I'm sorry to intrude but I have come to pay our respects, Jimmy. To you and your family."
"Heath, come. Please come inside," Dad greeted them. He shook the mayor's hand. Mr. Undersee looked around him and assessed the situation noticing the hard look mom was sending to Dad.
"Did I come in a bad time?" he inquired. Throughout the whole ordeal Mr. and Mrs. Everdeen and Prim kept quiet. Just like Katniss as she stood beside me.
"No, Heath," Dad said. "I welcome your company and friendship. And I wanted to thank you for arranging the service. I…I wouldn't have managed without your help."
"It was the least I could do, Jimmy," he returned. "Graham was well loved by the community as well. I wished I could have done more."
"You did enough."
Mr. Undersee shifted his feet. He looked bothered or uneasy. "Actually, there was another reason why I came to visit." He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a document.
"Is there something wrong," Dad asked.
"No, no. I just…" he started. "It just that Gordon Meyer, a file clerk at the Justice Building was shifting through some paperwork that Graham had requested after his son Tyler was born."
"Oh, what kind paper work?" mother asked. I had hope she had left but she persisted in staying even though she was not welcome.
"A few months ago, Graham came to the office and inquired about Tyler's welfare incase something happened to Sonja and himself," Mr. Undersee explained as he unfolded the document. "He made provisions incase he died––"
"He left a will?" Haymitch supplied.
"Yes, this document was signed and witnessed by myself and Sonja, his wife." He cleared his throat. "She was actually the one who insisted to Graham provide one for Tyler."
"Well, what does it day," mom asked in an impatient manner. I overheard dad and Graham talking one afternoon. Dad wanted him to write one up telling us who would take care of Tyler, be his sole provider incase both he and Sonja died. "Just spit it out already. We all know that he would make Rye and Delly legal guardians for Tyler. Katja is too young. So it would only make sense that the responsibility would fall to Rye and Delly."
"Well, you are half right, Evelyn," Mr. Undersee stated. "They both agreed that Tyler was to be raised by a Mellark but your guessed the wrong person." Dad? I guessed that Graham wanted dad to raise his son. That made sense…
"Witnessed, signed and recorded two months ago," he read the document. "I, Graham Mellark with sound mind and body agreed with my wife Sonja Mellark that if she and I have passed and left our only son, Tyler Mellark orphaned. We agree that our brother, Peeta Mellark to be the sole provider and parent to our son Tyler." Everyone gasped in shock and surprised. Me, my knees buckled.
"What?" mom screamed. "You got to be kidding me. Give me that." She grabbed the papers from Mr. Undersee's hand. Then she laughed––not a joyful laugh but a bitter one. "This is a joke."
"I don't see anything funny about it," Mrs. Edgewood spoke for the first time. "Sonja and I had a long talk about their decision."
"You knew?" mom shrieked.
"Yes, I knew and I didn't agree at first," she said. "But after watching and getting to know Peeta better, Tyler will the have the best parent to raise him. No offense Rye."
"None taken, I think," Rye replied back. I looked at Delly wondering if she felt insulted as Graham chose me over Rye. It made sense that they would be Tyler's parents but Graham and Sonja had other ideas.
"Listen, you have to realize that when Graham and Sonja decide to do this. I don't think that they anticipated that they…that it was going to happen soon. They thought that they had years before anything happened to them." I knew Graham. He thought of Tyler's future incase war broke out in Panem. He would have joined the rebellion to ensure his future, a future where there was no more Hunger Games. But my question was, why me?
"This is too much," Mom said with bitterness in her voice. "Peeta is only sixteen years old and has no marriage prospect. And he's the one to be raising Tyler? I won't permit it." She tore the will in half and threw on the ground.
"Sorry, Evelyn," Mr. Undersee interjected. "But that document was recorded and is binding. Mrs. Edgewood even admitted that she spoke to Sonja about their decision."
"He can't raise Tyler by himself."
"He won't be," Dad said. "I'll help him. He's not alone." Then the screaming and the yelling started between mom and everyone who opposed her.
Again, Katniss situated herself between me and Agatha as she made an attempt to reach me. Finally, dad had enough. "Evelyn, I insist you leave now on your own accord."
"And if I don't," she challenged him.
"This place is no longer your home. You are trespassing."
"You can't make me leave."
"Leave now or I will have Haymitch go over to the Justice Building have him come back with a Peacekeeper who will forcefully make you leave."
"You wouldn't dare?"
He eyed mom for a few seconds. "Dad, forget about getting a Peacekeeper," Rye stated as he grabbed her by he elbow and led her outside even while she continued to scream at him. In the meantime, the loud commotion woke Tyler up from his nap. Delly was about to fetch him. "Delly, I'll see to him," I told her.
With a heavy heart I walked up the stairs. Tyler was in living room lying inside a small bassinet. He simpered and cried extending his small arms in the air as if he was waiting for someone to pick him up. My heart broke for him as I realized he was still looking for his mom and dad.
I picked up Tyler and held him in my arms. He cried for a few minutes as I shushed and spoke words of comfort to him. After a few seconds he stopped fidgeting and quieted down. In the course of a few days I was a sixteen year old unattached single boy with no dependents and now I'm a father to my orphaned nephew.
God help me, what am I supposed to do now?
AN: Thank you for reading this chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it. This chapter and the next are the calm before the next storm since the last few have been pretty tense. Until the next time I hope you have a great weekend.