Chapter 19: The Job – Doubts

POV: Lucy

The lady I punched, she's here. What's worse is that she is looking back at me.

She was staring at me intently, her face filled with fear and worry. I stared back at her, shocked, even though I expected her to be here. I'm too complicated. We just stood at our places, not moving while holding each other's gaze.

Moments passed, none of us moved, not until I felt someone pat my left shoulder, making me return back to Earthland. I glanced at my left to see Erza looking back at me, a questioning look in her face. I also noticed Natsu and Gray standing behind Erza side-by-side, giving me the same look Erza was giving me. I just smiled at them and shook my head, I didn't need any words from them to know that they were asking me the question 'anything wrong?'.

After smiling, I looked back at the direction where the lady was standing earlier to see that she was already gone. I have got to keep an eye on her.

"Let's go, Lucy," Erza told me, removing her hand from my shoulder. I nodded, following them as they walked towards the exit of station. I kept glancing around, trying to spot where the lady was while I walk. Then suddenly, I bumped the back of the person walking in front of me; it was Natsu.

After recovering from the bump, I backed out a little before quickly shifting my gaze to his perfectly-shaped face, who was looking through his right shoulder. I raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking him 'what's the matter?'.

"Lucy, they are looking for you. What happened?," he whispered, asking me. Upon hearing this, a part of me knew something about what's happening but I refused to admit it.

A part of me was hurt. Yes, I know I did something but they didn't know. Now, why did Natsu immediately asked me 'what happened' instead of asking those looking for me 'what do you want with Lucy'. That hurts; even he is giving up on me. So all this time, I thought he believed me completely when in truth, he didn't, that struck me hard and it really hurt. Even he couldn't trust me, was I that bad? No wait, let me rephrase that question. 'in their eyes, was I that bad?'. Not even my best friend/team mate could trust me.

I closed my eyes, blocking the tears that threatened to fall. I faced the ground. Not now, Lucy. Stop being weak in front of them, stop it. The drama and tears can wait later, focus on the matter at hand.

I took a deep breath. I managed to hold the tears back, which was hard. Somehow, I was happy, at the same time sad, that they didn't ask me if I was okay or I would've broken down right there. My tears, they want to show themselves to others, they were crying for help. It was a tug-of-war between my mind and my tears, I was happy that my mind won. That was close. After the tears disappeared, I opened my eyes.

I peeked around Natsu's shoulder so I could confirm my suspicion.

Guess, I didn't need to look around anymore. The person I was watching out for was standing there in front of us, along with whom I think was an official of this station, blocking our way out.

I panicked on the inside but remained calm on the outside. I don't plan on showing them that I am panicking; they might turn that against me. But I wasn't going to let the team know what I did, not now or ever, just when things were starting to get well between us.

I thought of a way for them not to know this. I'd rather try and be caught than to be caught without trying at all. I am not giving up without a fight, violent or not.

I faced them, putting on a determined look. I need to be strong, for myself only. By now I already learned something important, something I should have known years ago. Never rely on anyone but yourself, for my sake. I need to stop worrying about others and just focus on myself.

I walked towards the people who were looking for me and stood in front of them. "I'll come with them. Let my friends pass," I told them. I pointed out friend, like I was mocking my supposedly friends.

"But-," Natsu tried to argue but I cut him off. "No buts, now go! I'll meet with you outside, I promise," I stated, looking at each of them.

It's too late Natsu, too late. You already showed your doubt in me, you can't change it back, and you can't rewind time. What I heard is what I heard, what you said can never be changed. What I saw and heard is what I believe. Most of us females are good listeners and overthinkers. When someone talks, we listen intently. We analyze each word carefully, our answers coming from logical thinking not just from wild guesses. That is why male should be careful with what they say and the words they pick when talking to us, it is really crucial.

I gave them a fake assuring smile, which they believed. They just smiled back and went outside to wait. When they were out of the building, the lady and the man she was with gestured for me to come with them, I did follow.

After minutes of walking, we came upon a large room with no one but us three. This seems to be the quarters of the manager of this station. The man sat on a comfy looking seat behind the table while the lady and I sat on the two chairs in front of the table, facing each other.

"I hope you know that you aren't coming back to them," the man told me, rude enough not to say his name. I looked at the lady and she was giving me a smug grin. Ohoho, you just made a big mistake lady. Mocking me isn't an option, it's restricted.

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it?," I mocked them, my lips curving upwards, forming a smirk. Yes, anyone who knows my situation would have guessed that I am already at the edge of losing my good side again, I'm just trying to try and keep the good side in me.

"We'll have you behind bars," the man, without any name, stated. "Well you deserve it, punching my beautiful face. It can't even compare to yours," ranted the lady. After that statement, I lost it. How dare she act all bitchy in front of me!?

My mind was filled with violent thoughts, so brutal no one would even want to know what it is. My aura, it was dark, I felt it. I stood up from my seat, ready to attack the two.

The lady looked at me, fear in her eyes. Yes dear, get scared, pushing my buttons just like that.

"Hmm…Now why don't I punch your face so hard that it would look like it was never a human face?," I mentioned, danger sensible. I was grinning at her madly, a menacing type. She shuddered.

"N-n-no!" the lady stuttered. "Well yes…," I countered. No one mocks me, no one. I took a step towards the lady, she was shaking madly.

"They say when you make mistakes; you learn from it and make your life a better one. But how will you make your life better when you are dead?," I told her, laughing like a maniac. I was enjoying this, seeing her cowering in fear. The man behind the table just hid there, scared. "Now, let's just finish this," I stated.

I swung back my arm, gathering some strength. This punch should hit her in the head. I am going to make sure that skull gets broken and that brain gets smashed. I grinned.

I was about to advance my arm when the door opened with a loud boom and there stood Natsu, Gray, Erza and Happy with shocked faces. I was caught in the act.

I looked at them each until I locked gazes with a pink-haired dragon slayer, his face full of disappointment and shock. Those soft warm eyes, they were staring back at me with the said expressions clearly seen. Those beautiful dreamy orbs, they brought my reason back.

They were disappointed at me, even mad. Why can't they understand that this isn't my fault?

I felt my eyes getting watery,I know I wouldn't be able to control it, I feel that I wouldn't. I ruined it again, my chance of getting in good terms with them, gone. Not just that, the only boy who I thought believed and trusted me, he was disappointed and even doubted me. I couldn't take the drama and I couldn't take them seeing my tears, so I ran to the glass window just behind the seat behind the table, shattered it and ran out through it, just like that. I can't seem to feel the physical pain I am feeling because of the glass window, all I could feel and think about is the emotional pain I am feeling right now; I'm broken.

I ran and ran till I was at the woods where my first job alone happened. I ran deeper until my legs couldn't take it. I sat down on the ground and supported my back on one of the big trees there. I could care less about how dangerous it is here, I needed to be alone. There I let my tears fall, one after another.

Life, what is it with you?!

"Hey!" an all too familiar voice called from behind me. I wiped my tears and looked at the direction where it came from. My red puffy eyes widened.

Seriously?!