I feel much better today and even though I haven't heard back from the job yet, they did say that they'd call either today, tomorrow or wednesday so I'm still hopefull. And I'm happy to give you the next installment. I hope you enjoy it. Lots of Alexx in this one.
With the wind gusting around Bal Harbour, Alexx had to hold her jacket closed as she made her way up the front path to the door. Thankfully, their front door sat in an alcove and the wait for Eric to greet her, didn't come with it's own personal hurricane before she jumped past him, into the house. Eric laughed, upon seeing her so tousled and with a playful glare, she straightened her hair.
"A bit windy, Alexx?" He questioned, knowing her answer fairly well as he chuckled and headed back to the livingroom.
"Yes, well," She frowned, finding a stray leaf in her hair and detouring into the kitchen to toss it in the garbage. "just keep laughing, baby." She rolled her eyes when she could hear him laughing still, from where he was in the livingroom. "Did you want me to make some coffee whilst I'm in here?" She called out, smiling as she reached for three red mugs in the cabinet overhead.
"That would be lovely, Alexx." Calleigh's voice answered and Alexx grinned, as she checked the water level in the kettle and switched it on.
With three steaming mugs, Alexx wandered into the livingroom and smiled widely when she saw Eric with his hands in Calleigh's, gently helping her raise her arms up and rolling her shoulders. "What's this?" She smirked, setting the mugs down on the coffee table.
"Shoulder exercises," Calleigh frowned. "I have to do them at least twice a day. It was alright for the first week or so," She shrugged her head. "because everything was numb. But now everything tingles and itches and it just feels weird." She laughed, earning a chuckle from Eric as he raised her arms again.
"Oh well, honey," Alexx sipped her coffee carefully. "it's to stop your muscles stiffening up. It's a good thing. And a blessing you've got Eric here to help you."
"See, I'm a blessing." Eric smirked and Calleigh rolled her eyes.
"My goodness, Alexx, don't give him any ideas." The women laughed and Eric frowned playfully.
"Alright then, I'll take that as my cue to leave," Eric stood to his feet, taking his mug of coffee with him as he leant down to press a kiss to Calleigh's lips. "love you." He whispered, just in front of her face and even though they knew Alexx was there and could hear them, the moment was completely their own. She grinned, knowing she was blushing just a little as she kissed him again quickly, watching him wander out into the backyard.
He had plans to rid the garden of weeds that day and Calleigh had plans to watch from her chaise lounge inside the back door, as he did it. Then Alexx had called and while she was slightly disappointed that her day of relaxing and enjoying the view of her husband hard at work was going to be interrupted, she was excited to see her friend. They hadn't recieved many guests since she arrived home from the hospital. Everyone had either been too busy with work or Calleigh had been too tired, the good moments never having been able to coincide, so apart from Eric's parents, her father and a very hesitant visit from her mother, Calleigh could be considered to have been, anti-social for the three weeks she'd already spent recovering.
Alexx liked to see them like this, so quiet and happy. She didn't mind in the slightest, when they'd retreat into a place where it was just the two of them and they would speak to each other in a way that they'd never speak to each other in public. It made her happy, because they were sharing something so very intimate with her and she was proud, that they considered her a close enough friend - family - to let her see it, considering they were both such private people.
"How have you been feeling, honey?" Alexx questioned, taking another sip of her coffee and noticing how Calleigh looked down at her's, but didn't touch it.
"Alright," Calleigh twitched, scrunching her nose just slightly when she pulled in the wrong direction. "it's a little uncomfortable at times, but I'm coping." She swallowed, scratching her temple and smiling to herself when her fingers brushed the short, soft hairs just over the top of her ear. "I didn't feel so well this morning, but I think it's just the painkillers making me a little woozy."
Alexx frowned, considering the painkillers that Calleigh would be on for her surgery and wondering, if they should cause her to feel that way. She couldn't quite work it out off the top of her head, but she had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't supposed to feel ill at all. It just didn't feel right. "And when do you think we're going to see your pretty face, back at the lab?" She grinned, loving the way Calleigh always seemed to dip her head so humbly when given any form of compliment.
"Well, I'm set to be back next week," She grinned. "and I have to say, I'm looking forward to it. I mean, Horatio has completely restricted my activity, but I can work and that's exciting."
"You're getting tired of Eric already?" Alexx laughed and Calleigh giggled.
"Oh, god no." She smirked. "I just miss the lab and I want Eric to be able to get back out there on the water. He's had calls all week for tours and he's been blowing them off for me. I don't want him to lose customers. Especially when I can take care of myself."
Alexx reached over and took Calleigh's hand, squeezing it just a little. "He wouldn't do it if he didn't want to, honey."
"I know," Calleigh sighed, smiling gently. "I just wish this could come a little easier for us, for a change. I wish we didn't have to fight like this and lose so much, just to break even."
"You haven't lost each other," Alexx moved to sit beside her on the lounge. "after eight years of knowing each other, and being together through all of this, you've still got each other, baby, isn't that the most important thing?"
Calleigh's smile broadened. "Yeah, you're right." Calleigh patted the top of her hand, grateful that Alexx could still show her the silver lining on any situation. She and Eric had been together for almost two years now, and married for a couple of months, but up until that very moment, their lives had been wrought with issue after issue because Calleigh's cancer just couldn't seem to leave her alone and Eric refused to let her deal with it on her own. She was immensely grateful, for his back-up and support and love. But what she wanted above anything else, was the chance for something to come easily for them. They'd danced around each other for years and even after realising how they felt, things had been rocky on the road to trusting each other outside of work. While her cancer wasn't considered to be the worst it could have been, especially because it hadn't spread to other organs in her body, everything that could have gone wrong, seemed to have touched her in some way. And then the surgery and Calleigh felt like somewhere, there was a little devil with red-tipped wings laughing at them.
Of course, thoughts like that made her want to slap herself, because demons and devils were Eric's area of paranoia. But she still thought that just one thing going right for them, straight off the starting block, would make the future just a little brighter.
"How is the baby thing, coming along?"
Calleigh froze when Alexx spoke, clenching her fingers tightly around her friend's as she looked down at the floor. She hesitated, taking a deep breath and licking her lips as she looked up into Alexx' eyes. "We've, ah," She glanced out the window at Eric as he yanked the filter out of the pool. "we've had a few tests done, before the surgery they said that everything was working fine, even after the chemo, it's just going to be a little harder." She scratched along her cuticule, looking down at her toes. "I haven't been tested in about a month because it's been three weeks since the surgery and I'm just..."
Alexx nodded her head slowly, reaching up to run her hand over Calleigh's shoulder soothingly.
"I just don't know if I'm ready for him to-" Calleigh stopped herself, unsure of how to word it. But she was grateful, when Alexx' eyes told her that she knew what she meant.
"It's alright, honey, I'm sure he understands."
"I know," Calleigh sighed. "I know that, I just can't bring myself to-" Letting a tear fall from her eye, Calleigh leant into Alexx' outstretched arms, letting her hold her as she hugged her, doing her best to soothe her. "I just feel so different."
"It's just going to take time, baby."
"But we don't have much of that left. And I just know something's going to go wrong."
"Hey," Alexx held her face in her hands, running the pads of her thumbs over her cheeks. "don't think like that, honey, you've had some bad luck but you always make it through. You both do."
Calleigh half shook her head, not sure whether she had the energy to disagree. They had a track-record, that was for sure and they did have an uncanny ability to stumble through hardships and make it out alright. But Calleigh didn't want the future of their family to rest on whether or not their luck was finally going to run out.
You calm the storms, and You give me rest
You hold me in Your hands, You won't let me fall
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away
Would You take me in, take me deeper now.
~ Everything, Lifehouse
Calleigh sat in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed under her. Wearing one of Eric's large t-shirts, she felt safer in herself, hugging it against her like a warm, comfortable blanket. It smelt like him and it was worn and a little tattered at the edges. It made her smile as she watched him wandering around their bedroom. He was folding away clean clothes and picking his socks up off the floor. He had his boxers on, ready for bed and as she noticed the muscles on his back ripple with each turn, she licked her lips and twisted her fingers in the fabric of the shirt.
"So what did you and Alexx talk about?" He questioned, pulling the blankets back on his side before making his way into the bathroom. She could hear him turn on the tap and she could hear the sound of him brushing his teeth as she looked down at her fingers.
"Different things," She breathed. "mostly you and me, those dreams I've been having."
Eric stuck his head out of the door. "Still having those?"
She sighed. "Not so much now, just every now and then I'll get a glimpse of the little girl or I find myself walking down that deserted street. It's so strange but whenever it happens it feels so very real."
"I now what you mean," She heard him shuffle a few things around in the bathroom before the light flicked off and he was walking towards the bed. "when I was in the coma," He noticed Calleigh shudder and he reached for her, taking her hand as he sat down on the bed. He knew that she still felt guilt over that and he knew, if he'd have been her, he wasn't sure if he'd have recovered from it. "when I was in the coma, Calleigh, I kept seeing you. Sometimes you'd smile and hold your hand out to me, sometimes you'd be too far away for me to reach and sometimes you'd be running so fast in the opposite direction that I couldn't catch you. But it was always you," He breathed through a smile. "I worked out later that it meant you'd always be in my life. I worked out that I was going to live, and that even if you were with me or so far away I could barely see you, you'd be there. And I felt safe."
"Eric," Calleigh choked, but he climbed up onto his knees in front of her, pressing his palms to her cheeks.
"I'm just saying, Cal," He kissed her forehead. "that maybe it's not the dream itself. Maybe it's trying to tell you something?"
"Like what?" She studied his eyes and Eric sat back on the bed, mirroring her position with his hands on her thighs, running his thumbs in small circles whilst she held her small fingers over his.
"Well," He thought. "what do you feel, when you see the little girl?"
Calleigh shrugged. "When it's in the dream, I feel warm, safe."
"And when you're not in the dream? What about when you just think about her?"
Calleigh bit down on her lip. "I get chills and I feel like the world is spinning. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to be sick."
Eric looked thoughtful for a moment, trying to work out what it could all mean and as his expression changed, as his brow furrowed and his eyes darted from side to side, she smirked and squeezed his hands against her thighs. "You have no idea what it means, do you?" She giggled and Eric looked up at her with wide eyes.
Then he laughed. "No, I don't. But it's not my dream, it's meant for you to figure out. I just wish I could help you." He smiled, running his fingers further down her thigh until the tips were playing at the edge of her panties. Calleigh shuddered, reaching for his hand quickly and stilling his movements.
"Eric," She closed her eyes tightly and gasped, shivering when he flattened his hand across her thigh.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Cal." He whispered.
"I know," She nodded, slowly opening her eyes as he lent towards her. "I'm just scared."
"The tough as nails, Calleigh Duquesne, is scared of little ole' me?" He smirked and Calleigh sucked in a breath, still holding onto the hand she could feel edging it's way around her leg until his fingertips dipped under the hem of her panties and his palm was rested against her hip.
"No, Eric, Calleigh Delko, is scared that you're not going to like what you see." She met his eyes then. Bright, red-rimmed green eyes looked fearfully into the clarity of caring brown and his heart broke just a little bit more. He'd never seen her so afraid before. Since the surgery, while she'd allowed him to help her with her exercises, she didn't change in front of him anymore and sometimes, he'd seen her emerge from their bedroom with tears in her eyes, only to learn that the task had proven harder than she thought. Though she never asked for his help. Even when she had been diagnosed with this cancer, her world had shattered and everything had darkened, but she'd allowed him in. She'd allowed him to help her through it and she'd allowed him to see her most painful, ugly personal scars. Now she had real ones, that he knew could never be as ugly as she described and he wasn't even allowed to comfort her or tell her that she was beautiful, because from it only came tears and silence.
"Calleigh," He started, but she dipped her head, cutting him off.
"I don't know if I'm ready, Eric." She whispered, hugging her arms into her body as she shied away from him.
"Hey," He reached up with both hands, gripping her shoulders and kissing her nose. "you have nothing to be afraid of, Calleigh." He whispered back and she shook her head but he gently shook her, forcing her to look up at him. "I promise you, Calleigh," He kissed her again, this time with strength he wanted to give to her, pressed into her reddened lips. "there is nothing about you or your body, that I don't or couldn't love."
"But Eric," She wept. "I'm scarred. I'm," She gestured to her chest. "they're not like they were before."
"And you think that matters to me?" He asked her incredulously. "Calleigh, you're gorgeous. Do you hear me? You are gorgeous. I could ask any guy at the lab, hell, ask any woman at the lab and they'll tell you that you're stuning. And you're not just beautiful," He chuckled. "you're smart and you're funny and you could shoot a button of a guy's shirt from six hundred yards away." Calleigh scoffed and Eric smiled, thankful he'd gotten a reaction out of her that wasn't discomfort or fear. "And more than that, you're kind and you love me, of all people. So you've got scars, Cal, we all do and so what if yours are on the outside. It doesn't make you any less beautiful to me. I just don't want you to be afraid to show me."
Slipping back into the pillows, until her back was rested against them and Eric was looking at her from across the bed, Calleigh's breathing deepened and her eyes set on him had filled with tears. She was still afraid, and more afraid than she ever thought she could have been, about him seeing her naked. But with what he'd said and how she knew he felt, she knew that she needed to face her fears. It was like the ant-tank all over again. They were alone in the room and it was just him with her, smiling and so what if he was laughing, because there was no way he was going to tell. She still wasn't over her fear of ants, but she felt safer around them when he was there and it was a step in the right direction.
She wanted that comfort again. She wanted to prove she still felt that trust.
"Okay," She whispered and he watched, sitting back on his haunches as she fiddled with the hem of his long shirt. She edged it up, nibbling on her lip as she pulled it up to her stomach and Eric smiled, looking down at her as she paused.
"It's alright," He whispered, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the edge of her bellybutton. "take as long as you need."
Calleigh sat there, looking down at him for a good minute. His eyes were so open and loving and with the feel of his fingers drawing invisible circles around her belly, she felt comfortable and for the first time in a while, she felt pretty. Her hair was so short and wispy she'd only just started to style it and her face, while slowly filling out, was still a little pale. But she felt it, in it's smallest measure.
Sitting up, she gently pushed him back until they were facing each other again. Her legs were slightly bent, stretched out beside him and with a deep breath, she pulled the shirt up and over her head. Dropping it on the floor beside the bed, Calleigh stared off at the wall, knowing that he was looking straight at her and she had to actively fight the urge to cover herself with her arms. Tears sprang to her eyes and as her arms started to win the battle with her mind, Eric's hands, stopping her raised wrists, surprised her back into looking at him. There was love there, in his eyes and for a moment, she thought that he hadn't yet seen. But he was looking down and his eyes were reddened just a little at the corners, his lips were dry and as his thumb ran circles along her lifeline, she knew what he was seeing.
"Cal," He rasped and she dipped her head, pressing her forehead into his chest to hide from the pity. "hey, no." He pulled her back up, meeting her eyes with a determined smile. "Don't hide," he whispered and she let him gently lay her back down against the pillows. His large hand was splayed across her back and as he lay her down, it stayed there, craddling her as he slipped down to press his stomach to hers, though he didn't rest his weight on her at all. "I told you," He continued to whisper. "you are gorgeous."
Calleigh choked out a sob, unable to control her tears any longer as he pressed a kiss to her lips. Eric's fingers trailed a seering pattern down her throat to rest on her chest, he kissed her there, over her heart and she held his head in her hands as he found the very edge of her scars. The tissue was still red and Eric knew that it would be tender, so he kept his kisses light and as gentle as he could manage. He pressed kisses all across her left breast, holding her hips in his hands as he moved, slowly, to the right to repeat the process. Calleigh shivered just a little, smiling through wet tears as he held her up, returning to her lips and holding her whole body against his.
She found a way to forget her fears and Eric, as he discarded his boxers and gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest, did everything he could to remember so that he could keep them at bay.
There is nothing like a dream, to create the future.
~ Victor Hugo
Calleigh sat perched on her stool in her lab. The CSI from night-shift was working on an overtime case, test-firing a weapon in the range, so she had the door closed between them and the dulcet tones of 'Secret Garden' playing on her stereo. Because Ryan had complained about the "annoying irish stuff" that he could hear all the way down in Trace, last time she'd attempted to play 'Celtic Woman' she'd decided that the only very slight change would either have him rolling his eyes and complaining more - to which she'd only shut him down - or it'd teach him a lesson that she wasn't going to change her taste in music, just for him. And she knew for a fact that it couldn't be heard outside the ballistics lab, because the only legitimate music complaints she'd ever heard about were those when Valera was going through her Heavy Metal phase, and the walls of the Ballistics lab were three times thicker than the rest. Ryan had just walked in when she was listening to a particularly Irish song, actually performed in Gaelic, and had felt the need to offer up complaint. As Ryan did.
She was catalogueing bullets, as she had been doing for the better part of the last two weeks, when the doors opened and the laughing voice of Frank met her ears. "Wolfe's gonna love this." He was snickering and Calleigh grinned, fluttering her lashes.
"It's not his lab," Was her answer and with a nod of his head, Frank felt that was acceptable.
"So, Horatio said you had something for me?" He questioned, stepping up to the bench and Calleigh looked up at him.
"I do indeed," She hopped down from her stool, awkwardly rolling her shoulders as she made her way around to his side.
"You alright?" He frowned, noticing the movement and Calleigh smiled up at him, appreciatively.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just ache sometimes." She smirked, pulling a file out of her stack and handing it to him. "I got a match on your bullet, it was a .223 and the stria match a gun used in a bank heist three years ago," She lent her hip against the counter, looking up at him.
"That's great. Hey, you take care of yourself, alright."
"Detective Tripp," She smirked playfully. "whatever would I do without you?"
Calleigh's mind drifted to the dream she'd woken up with that morning, the eyes of the little girl and the kindness there that she'd seen in everyone she knew. There was a part of all of them in her, Eric's beauty, Ryan's boyish laughter, Alexx' gentleness and Horatio's compassion. She had all of their best traits and she realised, that in her mind she'd created the perfect vessel for all of their best features, seeing the honesty of the little girl's smile, in Frank's just now.
He just laughed, moving to leave the lab but he stopped suddenly when movement out of the corner of his eye, caught him off guard. Calleigh stumbled, her palm slapped against the counter-top as she desperately grabbed for something to hold on to and in an instant, Frank was by her side with his arm around her waist, holding her againt his chest. The file he was holding, fell apart on the floor with papers going everywhere, but he didn't care about that in that instant. "Calleigh," He shook her and she breathed in deeply, grasping the lapel of his jacket. "are you alright?"
"I just," She took another breath. "I just moved and I got dizzy and," She curled into him. "is it cold in here?"
"This isn't good." He muttered. He dipped down, hooking his arm under her knees and lifting her up into his arms. Calleigh didn't protest and that alone amazed and scared him. She was breathing and she was concious, but she was holding her eyes closed tightly. "I'm going to get you to a hospital."
"No," Calleigh pressed her palm to the doorframe, forcing Frank to stop. "please."
"Fine," He relented easily and Calleigh let go, allowing him to carry her out into the hall as she dropped her head into his chest. "next best thing then." He hurried, ignoring all the worried eyes that followed him the length of the lab, the people that stared at them as he waited for the elevator and he even, almost, growled at those that didn't get out of the elevator fast enough for him to get in.
"Alexx!" The woman looked up sharply, staring at Frank as he staggered into the autopsy room, carrying Calleigh in his arms. He had his bottom lip sucked in and as he pushed the door open with his back, she could tell he'd carried her about as far as he could.
"What's going on?" She gasped, reaching for Calleigh quickly, helping him place her down gently and taking her hands in her own as they untangled her arms from around his neck.
"We were talking and she was smiling and then she just, fell." He explained, holding Calleigh up with his hand at her back, and doing his best to prevent her from tumbling forward. But she pressed her own hands to the autopsy table, smiling her thanks up at him as she took in a few deep breaths.
"I'm fine," She breathed. "I just had a little spill, that's all."
"Honey, Frank just carried you all the way down here and you're going to tell me he did it for nothing?" She frowned and Calleigh smiled softly, realising her point and allowing her to reach up to touch her hand to her forehead. "You're a little warm, can you tell me what happened?"
"I just got dizzy all of a sudden and then I felt chills."
"She alright?" Frank pressed and both woman looked to him, smirking. "Forgive me for being concerned." He growled and Calleigh quickly reached for his hand, to stop him from stomping off.
"Has this happened before?" She questioned and Calleigh looked down at her feet that were dangling off the table, thinking. She didn't want to tell Alexx that it seemed to happen every time she revisted her dream, unsure as to whether that would label her as crazy or not, so she kept it to herself, biting her lip at the faint spin she felt just thinking about it in that instant before looking back up at Alexx.
"Not nearly that bad," She thought about it. "I've had dizzy spells, but I've never felt that I was going to pass out before."
"And for how long?"
Calleigh frowned. "Not long after my surgery, I think. Do you think it's got something to do with the medication?" She asked, panicked but Alexx' hand on her knee, calmed her.
"No, honey, I don't. But I think you might need to get that medication checked with your doctor to see if you should be taking it right now."
"But I still get sore," Calleigh looked at her, confused.
"I know," Alexx smiled. "I just think you should call Eric and get him to take you to your doctor to get a second opinion."
"On what?" Calleigh questioned, staring into Alexx eyes as she gripped her hand, completely oblivious as to where this was going. Alexx wasn't really all that surprised. As observant as Calleigh was, sometimes the really important things, like the attention of a certain Cuban hottie could go unnoticed for a very long time. She endured and she endured and she pushed through discomfort and heartache when she didn't have to, all because she was unable to face things she wasn't quite ready to face.
Frank had wandered across the room, scrubbing his hand over his face as they waited and when the words left Alexx' lips, even he froze in surprise.
"I think you're pregnant, baby."
Calleigh's breathing all but stopped. Frank turned around on the spot and it was just enough movement in her line of sight, to snap her out of it. She looked up at him, staring at him for a moment before looking back to Alexx. She swallowed, pressing her eyes shut tight before she blinked them open with new tears. "You," She choked. "you think that I'm-" She stopped herself with her fingers pressed to her lips and Alexx could barely contain her smile as well.
"Yeah, honey, I do." She whispered.
Calleigh wept, falling foward into Alexx' arms, laughing and crying into her shoulder at the same time, not quite sure which her body wanted to do first. Alexx looked into Frank's eyes over her shoulder, smiling as he studied the back of Calleigh's head, and she knew, that he was as happy for their young friend as she was. "I never thought," She choked. "I just, my god, Alexx," She lent back, looking into her dark eyes. "really?"
Alexx chuckled and hugged her friend again, ushering Frank over with her free hand and grinning when he complied, not even hiding his joy when Calleigh switched from hugging Alexx to hugging him. He just laughed and wrapped his arms around her just as tight, letting her, let it out.
TBC.