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A guest mentioned that Bella's reasoning is flawed. Yes, Sam and Jacob are more aware of the dangers they pose, while the rest of the pack are, perhaps, more naïve regarding their abilities.
Now that Jacob has proven himself, Bella has no issues sending Charlie to La Push. Charlie only goes there to visit Jacob and Billy, so it's unlikely that he'd run into other wolves. The chance of experiencing something related to the wolves is small, but Bella is not naïve and still gives her father a phone. It's a better-safe-than-sorry-mentality.
Of course, the proper course of action would've been to tell anyone exposed to the supernatural world about it, so that they can make their own choice. As this isn't an option, Bella simply tries to ensure that her father will be safe if he's near supernatural beings. Should Charlie somehow befriend another wolf then Bella would have make sure that the person took precautions and that he/she proved himself, like Jacob.
Chapter 20 – Human experience
Not far into January, I received an invitation to join the yearly library party. It seemed all the surrounding branches would meet up to eat and drink. I had never attended a party before, but considering my relationship with a supernatural being, I was beginning to think that it would be wise for me to go, perhaps even healthy. After all, I might never get the chance again.
At home, Charlie instantly noticed my subdued mood.
"Are you and Edward okay?" Charlie wondered, uncertain. I glanced up from our dinner, realizing I had retreated into myself rather than enjoy our dinner together.
"Oh yeah, we're fine… I was invited to an annual party at work," I admitted, reluctantly.
"Okay…" Charlie paused, clearly uncertain of why I didn't seem okay with this. "When and where?"
"Glen Cove, it's a bit further from here. And it's in two weeks." I admitted.
"All the branches meet up?" Charlie wondered and I nodded. Still, that would probably leave us around 40 people if everyone gathered. I had only met three, which were those I worked with at the branch in Port Angeles. "You would have to rent a room…"
"I don't know…" I trailed off, uncertain. "I suck in social situations," I managed to say. I didn't like to talk about how much I sucked around people; I felt out of step or just generally silly. It felt like I never really fitted in. Charlie finally seemed to comprehend the reason to my mood, and he made an o-shape with his mouth in understanding.
"Well, the people you don't get along with are teenagers. This will be different," Charlie pointed out, trying to ease my mood. "I think you should give it a chance. At your age, I was drunk almost every weekend." Charlie grinned and I raised an eyebrow doubtfully. Charlie was from Forks, and getting drunk here was a rare occurrence. The town was too small to hide a party of underage drinking, and I had only heard rumors of a few people meeting up and drinking at the beach.
"Aren't you supposed to tell me not to drink?" I laughed lightly.
Charlie seemed to consider my words, and then, slowly, he said. "My job is to make sure you're equipped to face the world. This means I have to ensure you know how to drink responsibly, amongst other things. I would rather have your first time drunk be near me, where I can easily get you and make sure you're safe, than across country and amongst people of questionable character. Hopefully, after your first time drinking, you will know to take it slower and be more careful…" His considerate parenting touched me. I rarely needed his help or advice, and I felt like a teenager-daughter for a rare few minutes.
"Just remember to eat before you drink and switch to water ever second or third drink. Getting drunk can be fun, but getting so drunk that you become sick isn't," Charlie told me "Rent a room while you're there, don't drive home at night, even if you don't plan on drinking. Remember your cellphone and call me if you need me!" Charlie told me sternly and with a small smile.
"If I call you, you have to pick it up." I was teasing him. I had given him a phone for his birthday, but Charlie wasn't used to having his own personal cellphone, so he often ignored it or forgot it. It would take some time to get used to, but I liked the idea that I could text him to tell him that I was okay, or that I loved him.
Edward had encouraged me to go to the branch party, and as a bonus, he insisted on sneaking with me. I was excited to go, but it was due to him and me sharing a hotel room, rather than actually going to a party.
"Come one, Bella. I am sure you'll have a great time. Remember when you told me that it would be good human experience?" Edward tried to coax me. Edward was all for human experiences, but he hadn't like the thought of me getting drunk. I had told him that this is what I wanted, that it was my choice, and that I needed to have this human experience. Now, however, I found it difficult to drag myself away from him. Of course, Edward had begun to warm up to the idea of seeing me drunk, which was why he was trying to get to me actually leave. I think he was excited to see a new side of me.
"Gaaah!" I replied, and rolled out of the bed. Edward looked adorable as he lay in bed; his hair was a mess, and his clothes tussled. We could do so many other things - now that we were away from vampires with super hearing.
"Drink responsibly. Call me if you need anything," Edward told me mock-severely. I rolled my eyes at him in the mirror as I corrected my clothes, courtesy of Alice. I had almost accepted Alice's offer to buy me clothes permanently – that's how pretty the clothes were. I wore a beautiful blue silk shirt and some dark blue skinny jeans, and -to my surprise - flats. Even Alice had acknowledged that trying to get me to wear anything with high heels, especially since I might drink, would be a very bad combination. Her love of high heels had been set aside. I looked very sophisticated and trendy, and perhaps slightly older. I liked this look.
"I'll probably be home in half an hour." I winked at him. He laughed in response and kissed me goodbye.
Shelly, Anne and Helen, my middle-aged co-workers, picked me up outside the hotel, and together we walked the short distance to the assembly room. I had never talked much with my coworkers, since I was a very quiet person.
"So, Bella, you're the youngest here." Helen laughed easily and the other girls followed. I tried to laugh as well, but it felt the laugh was stuck in my throat.
"Yes, be careful of Michael." Shelly grinned. I stared, confused.
"Girls, don't traumatize the poor girl," Anne laughed loudly.
"Who's Michael?" I wondered, worried.
"An old fart," Shelly laughed. "Here, have some vodka." She handed me a neutral-looking hip flask, and I reached for it automatically. They seemed to asses me, so I took a swig in order to remove the attention. The smell and taste was foul, and it burned in my mouth. I couldn't avoid making a face, and the three women laughed happily. I didn't feel like they were laughing at me, though.
"Should I be worried about him?" I wondered, reminding them of Michael.
"Not at all, dear. He won't do anything, darling. His interest is in the old girls over there." Shelly pointed at the other women, who laughed girlishly. She handed me the flask again and I took a swig and grimaced.
Shelly laughed once more at my expression, and she regaled me with a story from when she first got drunk. The other women joined in, and I found myself laughing along with them as they told me stories from not just their youth, but also elderly days.
"You never cease to be young!" Anne assured me. "It's not like you wake up one day and feel like an adult." They all nodded in agreement. I wasn't entirely sure how one became an adult, but a part of me had thought you grew into it. Seeing my co-workers so loosened up made me realize that perhaps you never left that young part of you behind. Shelly could tell I was thinking too much, and said so, and she insisted I drink a beer she had brought. This, too, tasted foul.
The assembly room was old, but nicely decorated. Most people seemed older than I was. My colleagues were great at including me, and they pointed out people for me. This was great, since I had mailed with a lot of people, but had no idea what they looked like.
Not soon after I arrived, I met a girl called Julie. We automatically gravitated towards each other as we were near the same age. Julie introduced her co-workers, who Shelly, Anne, and Helen already knew, and our group grew in size. Stories were exchanged and I actually started to have fun. Of course, Helen was very attentive to both Julie and I, making us both feel included all the time, and making sure we were never thirsty.
Soon enough, I was the one regaling our group with tales, and I told about the the Surströmming incident, which it was now called. My colleagues found my stories hilarious.
In between each story another beer or drink snuck in, and I was soon feeling very, very tipsy.
I was not the first one to go down, however, and we laughed uproariously at the sight of our colleagues, who had to be driven home in cabs, or picked up. There was nothing cruel about the laughter, but there was a sort of bet going on, and it was fun. I started to think that I had been wrong in my assessment of growing older. You grew older, but you didn't grow up.
"Pilk mik soup"
"What?" Edward replied. A second later the phone rang.
"Yo, sup," I slurred. The room seemed to be faintly spinning and I held myself steady using a wall.
"Hello Bella," Edward sounded humored.
"So, what are you wearing?" It was something June, a co-worker from another branch, had insisted I ask. Of course, all three of my coworkers had seen Edward, and they were quick to inform that he was possibly the handsomest young man they had ever seen, and if he had been single, and they a few years younger, they would totally have tried something. Shelly joked that she might've tried something no matter the age. I wasn't sure it was a joke and her red stained cheeks made the others laugh hysterically. They insisted I show them pictures of this perfect specimen, but I actually had none.
"I'm wearing a blue shirt and jeans," Edward replied, with humor in his voice.
"That is so hot," I breathed into the phone. I heard Edward laugh lightly. "You know, you're so hot. So hot. Why are you so hot? You should not wear any clothes at all!" I told him seriously. A part of me knew that I was drunk and I wouldn't normally say this, but in my drunken state I had asked myself why not? He's my boyfriend, my mate! That made perfect sense.
"Do you need to be picked up?" Edward wondered interestedly. I could tell he was still amused. Ideas sprung to my mind of what might happen if he picked me up.
"Yes!" I insisted. "Hurry! Pick me up!" I tried to sound suave, but it probably came out wrong. I was beginning to feel somewhat disconnected, now. My body was warm and my mind was tired. The thought of sleeping, even standing, seemed pretty attractive. Still, knowing that I'd be seeing Edward soon kept me awake. I said goodbye to my colleagues, and thanked them for a wonderful evening. I was handed a last beer, which I drank as I waited for Edward. He arrived in my car not much later.
"You seem very drunk. Your pupils have dilated, and their response time has lowered. Your eyes are slightly red," Edward murmured as he observed me. I stared at him in confusion.
"Right," I responded. "You really know how to woo a girl." I started laughing, and Edward rolled his eyes, and helped me into the car. "Come on, Eddie, lighten up," I whispered with a grin.
"Pleeeeease, don't call me that," Edward winched, but his voice and eyes showed humor.
"Eddie? Eddie Pettie? Want a pet, Ed?" I wondered in a sing-song voice. Edward shook his head, amused by my antics. "No, I'm serious," I turned to him fully, looking serious. Edward laughing at me in response.
"EDWARD, I said I'm serious!" I insisted. The world was spinning and Edward made me turn in my seat, so that I could see where we drove.
"What are you serious about?" Edward asked, humored.
"I don't know," I replied. I was feeling very tired, now. "Should we get a pet? Would you eat it? If I got a cute little dog, would you eat my dog?" I wondered, seriously.
"No, I wouldn't eat it," Edward assured me with a chuckle.
"Edward… There's something I want to discuss." My tone was serious, but I still felt drunk. I hadn't mentioned this before, but the alcohol had made me bold. It was a subject we usually skipped because it was so emotionally touchy.
"What do you want to discuss?" Edward's voice was indulgent and I giggled lightly.
"We can talk about my possible death and such things with ease… But… We don't ever speak…of other things. Will a human experience be sex with you?" My question threw him off and he stared at me with surprise. "Watch the road! We're gonna crash!" I screamed, horrified. His rolled his eyes at me and returned his gaze.
"I- I don't think we can take that chance…" Edward said.
"Well, I've been thinking," I leaned closer to him, caressing his cheek. "We don't actually have to have sex… We can do… other… things…" My voice was probably more slurred and drunk than husky and sexy. I saw him tense his jaw.
"I-…Oh lord!" Edward hissed instead of replying. I stared at him confused. "Sorry, love, but we got company." Edward pulled up next to a shiny, red BMW, and I realized that his siblings had joined us.
"Oh goodie! Alice!" I slipped out of the car, but in my drunken state I slipped, and, surprisingly, caught myself. Edward stared at me with a raised eyebrow. "You know, since I met you I've become far less accident-prone," I told him. "Must be your crazy voodoo magic."
"Voodoo magic?" Edward wondered, wryly.
"Oh yes. Everyone knows vampires practice voodoo magic, sleep in coffins, hail Satan." I made a gesture, making someone laugh. "EMMETT!" I yelled in response.
"No, Emmett!" Edward replied.
"Tell meeeee!" I demanded. Either Edward had answered an unspoken question, or their voices had been too low for me to hear.
"Belly-button!" Emmett hugged me and swung me around eagerly.
"Emmett!" Someone called, and he released me from his strong arms. I swayed for a second, and then I vomited all over the ground. Cold hands held me and kept my hair out of the way.
"Oh, that is nasty, Bella," Emmett laughed at me, but I felt sick from the swinging, and I couldn't laugh. Others had no such issues, and I could hear Alice and Rosalie giggling.
"Jasper… attack," I whispered, disoriented.
The room was dark and the bed felt uncomfortably warm. The cold figure by me made me aware that Edward was with me, and I calmed down.
"Here, I have some water." His voice was tender and calm. I managed to squint my eyes open, and I accepted the glass he offered to me.
"Urgh," I replied. Edward handed me two aspirins as well, which I swallowed easily. I felt horrible. I turned in the bed and snuggled closer to Edward. His hand rested on my forehead, making me feel much better.
I slept for a few more hours before waking up again. The room was lighter, now, and Edward was still holding me. I wondered if he was bored when he lay with me all night.
"How are you?" Edward asked quietly, reaching for more water. I accepted gratefully.
"Better," I managed to croak. I leaned into his hand, enjoying the cool sensation. "So, what happened after I got home?" I wondered, recalling his siblings vaguely.
"Well, you were pretty drunk." Edward smiled overbearingly at me, and I rolled my eyes. I had made the choice myself, after all. "You were also very tired. You might not remember it, but you fell asleep for a few minutes in the car. You woke up when we reached the hotel."
"Oh, I don't remember," I admitted. In my head, I recalled being picked up by Edward, and then talking as we drove back. "Wasn't Emmett here?" I wondered. Vague, fuzzy memories seemed to try to catch my attention.
"Yes, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were here. They wanted to partake in your human experience." Edward chuckled. "Unfortunately, Emmett hugged you too hard, swung you around, and made you vomit, and then you nearly fell asleep while you vomited." He was trying not to grin, but I could tell he was amused.
"Did I vomit on anyone?" The thought of vomiting in front of 5 vampires with sensitive noses made me cringe. Edward laughed at my expression.
"No, but you did make a request from Jasper, one he was eager to comply with." Edward made a face now, and I wondered what had happened. "You said 'Jasper, attack', and so Jasper tried to simulate your drunken emotions onto Emmett, Rosalie and Alice. I was spared, because I was holding you." He looked amused.
"What happened?" I wondered, tired and feeling hungover, but curious.
"It was… interesting. The thing is, vampires can't get drunk, and simulating it removed our inhibitions, and mental faculties to some extent. Add our strength to the mix… Well, a car and a wall were broken. We had to cover it up as a car accident, and pay for it." Edward was now laughing openly, and I stared at him in shock.
"Seriously?" I asked surprised.
"You should've seen them." Edward continued chuckling. "Alice was making heaving noises, as if she was vomiting, and she was begging Jasper to stop. He did stop, but not before she broke a car. Rosalie and Emmett broke the wall to the neighboring room. Good thing the room wasn't rented," Edward said.
"Wow… I wish I had seen it…"
"It was very funny." Edward grinned easily. "Now, try to sleep some more. I sent a text to Charlie, pretending to be you, just letting him know you were okay…" Edward revealed and I nodded gratefully. I had planned to send a text as well, but right now, it seemed so difficult.
Edward took great care of me for the rest of the day; he bought me food and drinks, and in the evening, he drove me home.
"I see you're no longer hungover." Edward had come by Sunday evening. I still felt tired and worn out, but I no longer felt sick to my stomach.
"I don't entirely get why people drink," I admitted. Sure, I had a lot of fun, but considering how I felt afterwards, I wasn't sure if it was worth it.
"It's fun when you keep it at a reasonable pace." Edward smiled lightly at my expression.
"Perhaps. It was fun and I did enjoy myself – until I became sick. I guess the secret to success is limiting the intake." I moved a little on my bed to make room for Edward, who joined me on the bed.
"Are you well enough to talk?" Edward wondered. I turned to face him fully, wondering what was on his mind.
"Sure," I said. I drank a bit of water before getting comfortable.
"Do you remember what we talked about in the car back from the party?" His innocent question was loaded with tension. I didn't remember, but suddenly I worried I had said something weird.
"… No…"
"You mentioned sex…" Edward's voice dropped slightly and he seemed a little shy. His shyness was nothing next to my embarrassment and I felt my face heat up. I tried to calm myself. I remembered vague thought of wanting to seduce Edward. I reminded myself that I shouldn't be embarrassed for wanting my mate.
"Ahh yes," I mumbled. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable…" I admitted. Being intimate was a touchy subject, as there were so many emotions tied to it, so we usually didn't speak of it.
"No, not at all…" Edward said. "But perhaps this is something we should talk about."
I sighed, "I think you're right. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know things are different for vampires." Or so I had assumed. Edward didn't seem much interested in being too physical with me, but at the same time I knew that the others had sex, so it was something that was practiced. Perhaps that was something that changed when you became a vampire – perhaps sex happened differently.
"It's not that different," Edward assured me. My heart sped up involuntarily, and Edward laid his hand near my throat, feeling the beating of my pulse.
"We've been avoiding doing anything more than just kissing… I thought… I don't know…" I trailed off, slightly uncomfortable. I didn't like the thought that he might not want me. I'm sure he did want me, because otherwise he wouldn't be with me, but it still hurt whenever he pulled away from me. I tried to gather strength again and to stop avoiding the unpleasant subject.
"So what's the deal?" I finally said, closing my eyes as I slowly sipped some water. It was a weak way to gather strength.
Edward chuckled slightly. "It's problematic that we haven't had this talk before," he told me. I agreed.
"Yes," I admitted. "I thought it might be because I'm too squishy – or that you didn't want me…"
Edward chuckle. "I want you, trust me. It's not just about hurting you… That's actually a small part… Rather, it's about my world-view, so to speak. Bella, I was raised to treat women properly and to marry them before we did anything with them. Kissing you has been amazing, but even that almost pushed my limits." I stared at him in shock.
"What?" I wondered, surprised. I hadn't anticipated this. Sure, I knew he had pretty deep set of morals, but for it to extend to this was somewhat surprising. Or perhaps it was simply because I had assumed something else.
"We've talked about it before, lightly. I can kiss you, but I can't touch you, because we're not married. And I know that times have changed and that women no longer suffer if they lie with a man outside of marriage, but this is such an ingrained part of me that I can't ignore it…"
"So it's not just about me getting hurt?" Edward shook his head. "So, every time you've pulled away?"
"I wanted you, but I thought it wasn't proper." I stared at Edward in shock. I had thought that it was due to him risking his control. I thought he feared eating me.
"I though you wanted to eat me!" I accused.
Edward burst out laughing for just a second. "Eat you?" His tone was shocked.
"Yes!" I cried out. "I'm your singer, I smell good! When we kiss and you move away, I thought it was because you were scared of losing control!" I felt frustrated out. I had completely missed this.
"I am afraid of losing control," Edward assured me. "But as a man…" His voice dropped. I stared at him in surprise.
"So… All this time, I've been thinking that I could lose my life by kissing you. I made the decision to do it anyway, and now you tell me that it wasn't about me losing my life, but rather my virginity?" The words were crude, but I was shocked. I felt I had completely misinterpreted some situations.
"I-" Edward faltered. I felt angry, now. I knew Edward was dangerous, and I knew kissing was dangerous, so I knew every time we kissed that I could get hurt – or that's what I had assumed. "Please, Bella, let me explain…" Edward begged. I gestured for him to go ahead. "In the beginning, it was about you being hurt, no doubt… But I became desensitized and I learned control. Sure, I could still technically crush you, but I feel like I'm in enough control to kiss you without losing my senses…" This didn't make me happier and my expression told him so.
"So when you move away from me, it's not because you fear hurting me, but-"
"Because I fear taking it further… I'm a man, I do want you." His assurance made my heart swell and my expression softened.
"I wish I had known that, Edward," I told him. "I thought physical attraction was different for you…" I sighed to myself and Edward lifted my head.
"I'm sorry, I never meant for you to think that."
"So you do want me?" My heart sped up and Edward nodded. "The same way I know you know I want you?" I knew he could sometimes smell my arousal. It was embarrassing, or it had been, since I had thought I was the only one of us feeling it.
"Yes!" He assured me.
"So you want me like a man wants a woman – it's not about me being too squishy?" I rephrased the question to make sure.
"Yes. I do worry about your squishiness, too, no doubt about that. I would fear making love to you while you're human. But, it's the propriety of doing anything more than kissing that keeps me in check. Making love, touching, and exploring… All those things are for when we are married – no matter how my body responds to you…" Edward ducked his head lightly and I kissed his forehead. I liked when he had mentioned his body responding to me. My hands never wandered, but I wondered what I'd find if they did.
"I didn't think about that," I told him. "I thought it was about my squishiness or that you might eat me, not that you were brought up in a different time – even then, I thought you could cheat by doing other things… Perhaps if I did things to you…" Edward looked at me intensely and I felt myself leaning towards him. For a few seconds, we kissed passionately. I wriggled, feeling aroused, and I suddenly wondered if he felt it too. We broke apart, and my eyes sought out his crotch. I could tell there was a bulge, something I had never noticed before. My breath quickened and I flushed in want.
"I see," I whispered, pleased. Edward ducked his head, but I lifted it easily. "Please, I needed to see this. Sometimes I worried that I was the only one affected…" I whispered.
"You're not," Edward assured me. I felt reassured that we were on the same page, now.
"Tell me more," I asked, moving onwards. I wasn't sure I wouldn't jump him if I continued looking at him
"This is a very broad subject," Edward said. "It touches not just my status as a vampire, but my role as a man brought up in a different era, as well as my religion."
Edward seemed to consider his words carefully. "It's difficult to explain. There are several aspects. The first one is the way I was brought up. In that time, the man was the provider. I was raised to take care of my wife and children. Things were simply different back then…" Edward stilled, contemplating his next words.
"The religion makes things difficult. Religion had a huge impact on my life, because it was such a large part of the society. It's pretty complicated, but an example is women's rights. Women were supposed to be cared for by a husband, so a woman couldn't lie with a man outside of marriage, in case it resulted in a child. Religion took care of the women by making it a sin to fornicate outside of marriage; sure, some did it anyway, but a woman who had a child out of wedlock was destined to a life of poverty… Thus, religion had a huge impact and control on people. It was before contraception and abortion became known, were widely used, or even socially acceptable…"
"I can't imagine such a time…" I whispered. It seemed like half the society's potential was wasted.
"Looking back now, I can't even imagine it. I believe in equal rights, but a part of me still wants to take care of you. To pay your bills, hold the door, whatever is needed. It's an ingrained part of me that has roots in religion due to era I was brought up in…"
"You don't mind me opening my own door." I recalled a time where he had tried to open it for me, but waiting for him, if we were in public, to walk at a human pace to my door seemed too slow.
"There are things I can let go of and things I cannot. I can't make love to you or explore with you until marriage, because religion made me believe that I would sentence your soul to Hell. Despite our earlier conversation, the idea of Hell terrifies me and I just can't take that chance…"
"Why do you accept me becoming a vampire if you think I'm losing my soul, then?" I was curious.
"I'm not a total idiot," Edward smirked at me. "I know that my beliefs are mine and I know which fights to fight. It's wrong to take the decision regarding you becoming a vampire from you. I can only ensure you understand every aspect. When it comes to intimate matter, however…"
"Well, if I don't believe in Hell…" I wiggled my brows at him and he chuckled.
"I do. I know it's irrational, but I believed in it before I became a vampire, and now the feeling has strengthened. A part of me agrees with you, or wants to believe that I have a chance of redemption, but another part of me is sure that I'm a lost cause… I've done enough to secure a place in Hell, but as to how much I will suffer…" He trailed off.
"This would be so much easier if you didn't believe that being intimate without being married and Hell were connected…" I scrunched my face up in annoyance. "In fact, your life would be much easier if you didn't believe in Hell… Doesn't God forgive those who truly repent?" I raised an eyebrow at Edward. Of course, I knew Edward would always see himself as doomed; he was a martyr to the core and he would never believe himself worthy of anything. Having been brought up to believe in biblical superstitions, Edward had been forced to detest himself as a vampire. It was a terrifying aspect of the change, I realized. To forever have such a low opinion of oneself.
Edward shrugged lightly. "We all have ingrained things… Even you."
"What do I have?" I wondered what he had noticed. I wasn't even sure myself.
"Well, the most obvious one is your aversion to marriage." His words were teasing.
"I don't mind marriage," I contradicted.
"You don't like marriage in a young age," Edward amended. How did he know?
"Have we talked about this? I don't recall," I admitted.
"Not in so many words, but we've spoken of Renee enough…" Edward chuckled lightly as I bit my lip.
"Well…" I hedged.
"Let's say I asked you to marry me now. How likely is it you would say yes?" His question was rhetorical, yet I flushed in discomfort and probably looked like a deer caught in a headlight.
"But I'm only 18!" I whispered.
"But you're my mate. There won't ever be another one for us," Edward argued.
"Edward, people don't know that. I think Renee would freak out if I told her I was getting married at 18. Everyone would assume I was pregnant. Real love at 18 is just so unlikely…" I trailed off and Edward smirked at me.
"Despite your lack of popularity, you can't handle the thought people would have if you announced you were to marry at 18," Edward said. "You've been the adult regarding your parents your whole life and doing something that seems too reckless, despite me being your mate, holds you back." He was right. Despite not caring about anyone in town, the thought of owning up to marrying at 18 was almost inconceivable. I was mature, conscious of my decisions, and thoughtful. I didn't do thoughtless. Or, I tried not to, at least.
"So you're saying my mother is my religion?"
"In a sense…"
"I see your point," I admitted. "Does this bother you?" I wondered. "You were raised to marry young; I was raised to marry old…"
Edward laughed lightly. "No, not as long as we're proper," he winked at me.
"But technically, if we know we are mates and won't ever be with anyone else, isn't it kind of like marriage? And couldn't we explore just a tiny bit?" I pressed my thumb and index finger together to show how tiny I meant. He laughed.
"If we know we are mates and won't ever be with anyone else, couldn't we get married before you're turned?" He turned the question around and I narrowed my eyes, but I still smiled.
"So I guess we'll have to wait till I'm changed," I concluded.
"Yes. Probably a few years after that. Being a newborn is very hard, so you probably won't have the mentality to go through marriage…"
"How did Rosalie and Emmett do it, then?"
"Oh they made love the second he was turned – almost. Rosalie had no mind not waiting until marriage." Edward words were innocent and I wondered if he knew what he did to me. I felt very sexually frustrated.
"Great," I said with fake enthusiasm. Edward laughed at my pitiful attempt, leaned over, and kissed me.
Feed a starving writer ;)
The truth is, I have an event in mind, which is WHY I wrote the story. All these last 20 chapters have just been leading up to it. We're so close! A few more chapters...