Chapter 20 – A New Chapter

She'd managed to get through dinner at her brother's house with a relative amount of ease. Feeding and putting the children to bed along with the arrival of the whirlwind that was James Lisbon was enough of a distraction to keep her mind off Patrick Jane.

Mostly.

Karen had come home ten minutes earlier and the two women washed dishes side by side as Ryan and Jimmy competed in some video game in the living room.

"Wow, talk about a stereotypical scene, eh?" Karen said with a laugh. "Two women chained to the sink while the men laze on the sofa with beers. Feels like I'm in a 70s sitcom."

Lisbon chuckled and passed her a plate. "Let's not make a habit out of it."

"No chance. As soon as Stan's home I'm putting him on dish duty." She let go of a sudden ragged breath a second later. "Thank god he's going to be okay."

Lisbon put her arm around her and hugged her quickly. "Yeah, I know, me too. Even if he is a pain in the ass-"

"-He's our pain in the ass," the other woman finished for her with a laugh, wiping a tear from her eye.

Lisbon breathed out and began scrubbing at a plate again.

"You okay?" Karen asked. "You seem...distracted."

"I'm fine," Lisbon shrugged with a smile. "Been quite a day, that's all. Just tired. You must be the same."

Karen paused and licked her lips. "That was nice of Patrick to come to the hospital and get that doctor to come talk to us. You'll thank him for me, won't you?"

Lisbon looked to the heavens. She'd thanked him quite enough for one evening. "Yeah, of course," she replied quickly, her eyes towards the sink again.

Karen put the drying cloth down and folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, what's going on with you?"

Lisbon faced her. "What? Nothing. I told you-"

"No, that's not it. Spit it out, Teresa."

Lisbon closed her eyes and shook her head. "You have enough going on-"

"Is it Stan?"

"What?"

"Did they tell you something at the hospital that they didn't tell me? If there's something wrong with him and you're trying to work out how to break the news-"

"No! It's...it's nothing like that, I promise."

Karen breathed out. "Then what is it?"

"I swear, it's not important. Don't worry about it."

"Teresa? Come on, we're friends, right? You think I'm going to sleep tonight with that brave idiot brother of yours in the hospital? Give me something apart from him to think about."

Lisbon nodded towards the back door. "Okay, then. But outside."

Karen's eyebrows hit her forehead. "Ooh, sounds mysterious," she smiled. "Should I bring some wine?"

"No. Bourbon."

"Oh shit, that bad?" her sister in law smirked.

Lisbon puffed out a breath. "Yep, that bad."

"Oh my god, you kissed Patrick?" Karen whispered as they sat on the steps leading to the back garden, a bottle of bourbon between them.

Lisbon picked up the bottom and took a long swig, making a face as the amber liquid burned her throat. "That's the PG version of what went down but yes."

"Wow," Karen said with a shake of her head, taking the bottle and sipping it.

Lisbon looked to her knees. "I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I feel terrible, Karen."

"Yeah, I'm sure. I thought it was weird how you could hardly look at Ryan during dinner. Wondered why you'd let Jimmy whitter on like he did too. You'd normally tell him to shut up when he goes on about being famous one day."

"What the hell am I going to do?" Lisbon asked.

"What do you want to do?"

Lisbon shook her head. "That's just it. I haven't got the faintest idea."

"Pros and cons?"

Lisbon glared at her with a smile. "Are you seriously suggesting I draw up some kind of scorecard between two men? Now never mind those 70s sitcoms, now we're in one of those damn chick flicks."

Karen rolled her eyes. "Fine. No list. But they must have good points and bad points. So...let's start with...kissing." She grinned at Lisbon sideways and took a sip of bourbon with a giggle.

Lisbon pulled the bottle from her hands with a smile. "I swear, you have no ability to drink, you should be ashamed to call yourself a Lisbon at all."

Karen produced a giggle that turned into a long sigh. Serious again, "You know what you have to do, Teresa. Like you said, you're not a cheater. And even if Patrick isn't the man for you, it's quite obvious to me now that Ryan isn't either. You'd never have gone there with Patrick if you were truly happy with Ryan. It's as simple as that."

"But I owe him so much, Karen-"

"You owe him the ability to find someone else more if you're not the one for him."

She shook her head. "Things were just getting back on track when Patrick returned. If he hadn't then we'd be fine."

"You'd still be passing time with him, you mean."

Lisbon drew her head back. "I thought you liked Ryan."

She shrugged. "I do. He's a great guy. But...that was before I saw the chemistry you have with Patrick."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's never been a problem. The 'spark'. Like a damn firework display sometimes the way he looks at me when we're alone."

Karen nudged her shoulder. "Ooh, do tell," she laughed.

"Shut up," Lisbon laughed. "But a relationship can't be built on that alone. We disagree on so many things. He has no tolerance for authority, procedures of any kind..."

"Jeez, Teresa, you're not recruiting an agent, you know."

Lisbon took another swig of the bottle. "I'm just saying that we don't always move in the same direction whereas Ryan and I pretty much agree on everything."

Karen brought the bottle to her lips again. "Sounds pretty boring to me," she muttered into it.

Lisbon ignored the dig, putting it down to Karen's drinking. "It's more complicated than it sounds."

Her sister in law looked at her solemnly. "Or are you just making it more complicated because you're afraid of fully allowing someone into your heart?"

The back door opened behind them and Ryan popped his head out. He grinned at the two women with a bottle of bourbon between them. "Is there a party I wasn't invited to?"

Karen got up from the step, Ryan providing a steadying hand as she swayed a little. "Just got up a little too fast," she remarked.

"Yeah, of course that's what it was," he smiled, winking at Lisbon who had also got to her feet and was dusting off her jeans. She said to Karen, "You need a hand-?"

"I'm good," Karen smiled, "a glass of water and I'll be fine. One good thing about being a light drinker is that I sober up pretty quickly." She went inside and Ryan smiled at her back before turning to face Lisbon.

"Didn't mean to interrupt. Just wanted to check on you. You okay?" he asked softly as he approached her. "With all your brother's talk about his rock star career at the dinner table I hardly got a chance to speak to you since the hospital. You looked upset when you arrived here earlier. He's going to be fine, you know, Teresa. Worst part's over."

"Yeah, I know," she said as a truckload of grief unloaded itself onto her chest. Naturally he thought her sombre mood was attributed to her brother's near miss.

He rubbed her back soothingly and she swallowed hard as he kissed her temple. She closed her eyes. She had to tell him what she'd done.

"You going to be okay here?" he asked. "It' just...I have that big deposition in San Francisco in the morning and I still have some prep work to do-"

"Of course," she said immediately. Damn, she couldn't tell him now, that was for sure. It was a huge case for him and he was going to be lead prosecutor in it. He'd never be able to concentrate if she admitted to her tryst with Patrick at this moment. She looked up at him with a smile. "Go. It's important for you. I'll stay here until morning, give Karen some help with the kids...and Jimmy."

He chuckled, "The biggest kid of them all. You sure?"

"Absolutely."

He bent down and placed a tender kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes, willing herself to feel more than she did from it. "Love you," he said softly with another peck.

"Me too," she smiled.

As they entered the kitchen he grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair. His back to her, she blurted out quickly, "When you're done with this case...we...we should really talk about us. About...where we are, I mean."

He shrugged his jacket on. "Sounds ominous. Something I need to worry about?" he asked, with some nervousness in his tone.

She shrugged, "No. I just think we need to talk about some...stuff."

"Not like you to want to have a deep and meaningful."

"Well, I'm trying to open up more. But after the case, it'll wait. You need to concentrate on that right now."

"Jeez, you're right about that, I do. I'm excited to be lead but it's gonna be a tough one to win. Evidence is largely circumstantial..."

As he began to talk about his case she knew what she had to do. She had no idea if things were ever going to work out with Patrick Jane but she needed to end things with Ryan.

She arrived at the CBI the following day. Fortunately no pressing cases meant she had time to help Karen out in the morning. She'd even managed to bully Jimmy into doing his part. During the night she'd decided to tell Patrick everything, to come clean about all of it. She took a purposeful step forward as she exited the elevator and a brown leather couch almost hit her in the face.

"Whoa, sorry, Agent Lisbon," one the movers said, gesturing for the man at the other end to move the couch in a different direction.

"What's going on?" she asked, her eyes on the couch. "Why are you moving that?"

"Mr Jane's orders I was told," the sweaty man in overalls replied.

As he nodded to the other man to continue she asked, "Where are you taking it?"

"Second floor. Ray Haffner's team."

"Haffner?" Lisbon gasped. "Are you sure?"

"Yep," he replied. He focused on his partner at the other end. "Come on, Marty, put your back into it."

As they passed her she shook her head. "What the hell?" she said to herself.

When she arrived in the bullpen Rigsby was on his feet immediately. Animated, "What's happening with Jane, boss? They just moved his couch."

"I-I have no idea," she admitted.

"Wayne!" Van Pelt piped up. She spoke to Lisbon. "How's Stan doing?"

"Oh yeah, sorry boss," Rigsby said sheepishly.

"He'll be fine," Lisbon replied distractedly, looking at the empty space beside the wall. She breathed out. "Have either of you seen Jane this morning?" she asked them both.

"No," they replied in unison.

She nodded and turned on her heels with a tut. "Get back to work."

As she walked back towards the elevators Cho spoke as he turned a page in his book. "Told you this would end in disaster."

Too impatient to wait for the elevator she took the stairs to where Haffner's team were located. She saw Jane in the middle of the bullpen there, gesticulating to the movers where the couch should be placed. "Perfect guys, thank you," he smiled. Then he caught her standing behind them out of the corner of his eye.

"Morning, Agent Lisbon," he said with a smile that never made it to his eyes. "What brings you to Organized Crime?"

She stormed up to him. "Seriously? This is...you just leave the team without telling me? How...how did you even get this arranged so quickly?"

His tone was devoid of emotion. "I spoke to Minelli last night. Told him I needed a change. Said that I'd taught you guys as much as I could and it was time to work my magic elsewhere. He recommended Haffner's team. Simple as that. You haven't talked to Minelli yet, then?"

"No," she said, steadfastly ignoring his egotism. She'd received a message from Minelli asking to call him but she had suspected it was just to enquire about Stan and was planning on dropping by to see him when she arrived at work.

She breathed out and said softly, "Look, Patrick-"

"Teresa!" Ray Haffner's voice boomed behind her. "Trying to poach your boy back already?"

"Haffner," she greeted as she turned around with a false smile. "How are you?"

"Better now with Patrick's help. He's only been here an hour and produced two leads for us. Surprised you let him go so easily."

"Oh, shucks," Jane smiled with faux modesty.

She smiled at Haffner. "You might not be so grateful when you see the paperwork he makes for you."

Haffner laughed as he moved to one of his agent's desks further away and produced a file to discuss with him. He called back to her, "Sounds like sour grapes to me, Teresa."

Haffner busy, she turned back to Jane. Quietly, "Can we talk? Privately?"

He looked into her eyes. "Why? Is there any point? Do you still have a boyfriend?"

"Well, yes-"

"Then there's nothing left to discuss."

"Patrick, please don't be so stubborn. Let me explain-"

"I don't want to hear it, Teresa. I'm done."

She drew her head back in surprise. "Just like that? After...after everything you don't even want to talk about it?"

He shrugged. "I'm done talking. It's time for a fresh start. A proper one, this time. He turned his tone softer but still detached, "Look, I appreciate you finding me a job I like. And...if it's too difficult to see me so often around here I'll...I'll offer my services to Sac PD-"

"No," she interjected. "I...I don't want you to leave the CBI because of me."

He shrugged with a smile. "Well, we'll see how it goes. Haffner's an ass but it might work out if he takes the stick out of it occasionally."

As he continued to look at her he dropped his bravado and sighed. Softly, "The thing is...I...maybe I was thinking about our history so much I saw things between us I wanted to see. Even...felt things I wanted to feel. I thought we could rekindle what we had but we're different people than we were back then, Teresa. We can't just pretend the last decade didn't happen to either one of us. Coming to work for Haffner was never meant as some kind of betrayal or payback for you leaving last night. Although perhaps I did react out of anger to begin with. But you said yourself it might be better if we were on different teams. I just...I just can't see you every day. At least not at close quarters. Not right now. I'm only going to make a fool of myself again if I do."

She looked up at him with a sad smile. Maybe what he needed was the real fresh start he talked about. She'd helped him get back on his feet but he didn't need her now. He was stronger than when she'd met him for the second time and he'd found a path in life he liked. She'd accomplished her mission to make him believe he was worth something, or at least set him on his way into believing it. Being away from her was the best way to flourish after that. He deserved some happiness in his life, some joy out of it, he was a much better person than he thought he was. She had no right to keep the hold on him she knew she had now, to bring him down a road that would more than likely end in darkness. Letting him go would be better. Because he was certainly correct in her case, she was no longer the girl he'd met ten years earlier.

But being treated like her had made her feel so good though and not so irrevocably damaged. Wistfully she reminded herself that everything comes to an end, sooner or later. Maybe they were always fated to miss their chance. Maybe that's how it was supposed to be.

"Okay," she replied quietly. "I understand. And I wish you the best here, Patrick. I really do hope you find what you need to be happy."

A/N: So I'm sure a lot of you hate me now...But I promise I have a plan!