Humor

"Now that we understand what classical conditioning is, your next assignment is to classically condition someone on a small scale. It's not going to be dangerous or detrimental. Just condition an annoying brother or sister to stop talking when you're studying, or condition your friends to stop interrupting each other. It should be simple. You have a month, and at the end of this month, I want a paper detailing how you went about it and if it worked well or not. You'll also need to tell the person you're conditioning and get them to sign showing they participated, so you'd best make sure it's nothing embarrassing so they will feel inclined to help you."

A group of girls in the corner of the lecture hall tittered with laughter.

The professor pursed her lips. "Something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?"

One of the girls blushed but stood. "Um. If we wanted to try. Um. You know. Something with our… significant others? Um. Could we do that, if we don't have brothers or sisters?" She blushed even more when other students began to laugh but resolutely kept her head up, shooting a glare at a particularly loud athletic student. "I'd like to condition my boyfriend to stop pissing on the floor and actually get it in the toilet."

The male laughter ceased abruptly only for the laughter to be doubled by the other female students.

The professor couldn't help a smile. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time, I suppose. As long as you're okay with me reading about how you went about it, I don't mind. I'm a psychology professor, after all. These things do fascinate me." She glanced up at the clock, then looked back at the class. "I will say now that I am not responsible for any failed relationships as a result of this project, though! If you have any questions, I have fifteen minutes before my next class, so feel free to come up and ask."

Joey began packing his bag. He was glad that his school counselor had suggested at least a minor in psychology. After living life on the streets, he'd been good at reading people, but learning the how and the why was proving to be quite interesting him. He'd even been thinking about majoring in psyche and becoming a counselor for other impoverished kids.

He thought about what he could do for this project, honestly more excited for this class than any of the classes he'd had in high school. Maybe it was because he got to pick which classes he was taking now. Maybe it was because he was actually living with people that cared about him doing well.

Maybe he could train Mokuba or Seto to be gracious winners. He shook his head to dismiss the idea; Mokuba would be difficult to condition simply because he was so difficult to please. The only way he was sure he could train Mokuba was if he plied him with fudge whenever he did something good, and if he did that, Mokuba would eventually realize something was up. After all, fudge was a treat he saved for later in the fall. Sometimes he didn't even do it until winter, simply because with less light, he wanted to do more in the kitchen.

No, his best bet was to try and condition Seto. While Seto was a genius, he was also just a little stupid. No doubt, he could beat Joey at an intelligence test for sure, but when it came to practicality, his thoughts about it were… questionable.

Joey frowned. How would he train Seto, though? All of his annoying quirks were just really cute. His coffee addiction was adorable, because he was like a grumpy child in need of a nap until he had his morning cup, and his anal retentiveness was sort of endearing despite also being exhausting.

Joey walked over to his bike and sighed, reaching up to tie his hair back so it wouldn't fly into his eyes on the ride back, then paused, running his fingers through his ponytail. Seto thought he looked sexy with his hair in a ponytail. Seto also thought he could sex him up whenever he wanted to. It would be nice to have a little of the I'm-horny-let's-fuck power, too.

The blond's lips curled into a smirk even as he clipped his helmet straps and got on his bike to pedal home.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Seto paused when he saw Joey putting his hair up. "Are you going on a ride?"

He didn't approve of Joey bicycling around without a security escort, but both Roland and Joey had made it clear that he did not need someone to protect him and if anybody attacked him, extra people would only get in the way. He thought about asking Joey if it was really necessary for him to ride his bike to and from school, but he disliked being picked up in the limo and to be honest, he didn't really trust Joey to drive one of his cars.

Then again, he could only blame himself for that, because he'd been the one to teach Joey how to drive. He hadn't realized how recklessly he drove until he was in the passenger seat.

Seto blinked as the blond turned toward him and smirked. "Hmm?"

"Not goin' anywhere. Just thought I'd… put my hair up," he purred, smiling, and slid his arms around the older boy's neck. He hooked a leg over the brunet's hip and hummed, beginning to nip his neck. "Mm… Ya busy?"

Seto thought back to all of the paperwork he still had to look over and sign and the specs for some characters for a proposed MMORPG. "No, I am not."

And it was worth it.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Seto, I'm gonna borrow your old lappy so I can type up a paper," Joey stated, striding into the brunet's office and opening one of the many, many drawers built in under the bookcases. He stared at the different used laptops, then turned to the brunet and raised an eyebrow. "Which one should I use?"

"The silver one."

"Ya have three silver ones."

"The one on the left."

Joey stared at the older boy, wondering if he should suggest wiping the memory of the laptops and selling them or donating them to charity, but he knew that would start an argument he didn't want to have.

Seto would say there was still important information on them. Joey would suggest compiling all the important information, wiping the computer, and then getting rid of them. Seto would worry that he hadn't been able to get all of the data off, and what if it fell into a competitor's hands? Joey would mutter about the likelihood that Seto, a computer genius, would leave even a speck of data on the laptops. Seto would hear him, snarl he wasn't perfect, and then they'd devolve into petty insults and slurs and it would end in an angry huff and someone slamming the door.

Joey was ashamed to admit that the one time an argument hadn't ended with someone slamming the door, it had ended with him slamming Seto's head into the table. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt, because his face had met a very moist piece of cake, but instead of it being the hilarious moment it should have been, it had only been awkward, because they'd both known he'd seriously meant to hurt him.

He would continue to apologize for it if Seto would let him, but he wouldn't so he simply didn't bring it up anymore.

Joey rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning to grab the left-most silver laptop. "Whatever."

Seto sensed the argument he didn't want to have and rolled his eyes. "Would it make you feel better if I just bought you your own laptop?"

"This lappy's fine. I only use it t' type. I use the school computers for research."

"You wouldn't have to if I bought you your own," the brunet began, only to find a fistful of notebook paper shoved in his face. "Agh!"

"I like writin' my papers out so Ryou can rip them apart with his purple pen," Joey stated. Ryou was majoring in literature and was a much better writer than the blond could ever hope to be, so he'd volunteered to proof-read his papers in exchange for dinner. He liked the feel of the paper and he liked watching it fill up with words as he moved his pencil across it.

And it made it easier to cross things out and change them. He'd found he did much better when he could see the changes he wanted made.

"And if I had my own lappy, I'd just download games and get distracted. See? Borrowin' yours helps my grades."

Seto rolled his eyes again and sighed, but he had to admit the blond did have a point. He just didn't know how to make Joey understand that he wanted to spoil him a little. "If you're sure, then. What's your paper about?"

"How I'm classically conditionin' someone."

"If you classically condition Mokuba to stop mouthing off to me I would be very happy."

Joey turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow. "He's a teenager, Set'. There is literally nothin' I could do t' make him stop."

Seto sighed. "That's what I thought. It was worth a try."

.-.-.-.-.-.

"GAH RUNNING LATE RUNNING LATE!"

Seto took a sip of his coffee. Mokuba poured himself some cereal.

Joey sprinted into the dining room, grabbed a piece of toast, crammed some scrambled eggs and bacon on it, then folded it in half. He shoved almost all of it in his mouth and gagged a little, making the two brothers flinch, but then he was chewing and swallowing and shoving the rest in.

Mokuba, looking a little green, pushed his bowl of cereal away and got up from the table.

Joey watched him go, blinking, then turned toward the brunet. "I forgot, ya need t' sign this."

"Hmm?" Seto blinked. "What's this for?"

"For the classical conditionin' thing. I need ya t' sign it so that I can prove I did it."

The brunet looked up at him, both offended and confused. "I have not participated in any such experiment."

Joey scowled. "Yes, ya did. I would know, because I did it and I know it worked. Now sign it."

"I will not sign something that I know is not true just so you can get a good grade."

The blond sighed and rolled his eyes angrily. He didn't want to tell Seto that he'd basically trained him for sex on demand just by putting his hair up. That would just end badly. If Seto figured it out himself, though, he might at least think it was clever before he killed him.

Seto would still kill him, clearly, but at least he'd admit that he was clever.

"Fine. Whatever. Okay." Joey grabbed the sheet and shoved it in his backpack. He hoped that his professor wouldn't take too much off of his grade when she saw that other than the signature, he'd done everything correctly. His paper was good and his procedure correct. That would have to do because once again, Seto wasn't seeing the big picture, just the details, and he wasn't putting them together. "Well, I'm off."

Seto watched the blond gather his hair and almost growled as he felt himself growing aroused. "Do you have time for a—"

"No," the blond replied shortly, placing his helmet on his head. "I do not. See ya after school."

Seto watched him sprint out of the room, heard the door slam, then leaned back in his chair, scowling. He was often sexually frustrated because Joey was tired after his classes, but somehow, this time was different. He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

Why was this time different? It wasn't like he'd been aroused and unable to have sex before. He was a healthy young man. That was normal. So why… why this time? It wasn't like anything strange had happened. All Joey had done was put up his hair—

Seto froze, eyes wide. Classical conditioning. Joey had been putting his hair up for sex for the last month. That was when his project had started. That first day, he'd walked in on Joey putting his hair up and they'd had sex.

Mokuba walked into the dining room once he'd recovered and sat down, pulling his bowl of cereal toward him again. He took a bite and grimaced. "Ugh, mushy."

Seto slammed his hands down on the table and roared, "FUCK!"

The younger boy stared up at him in confusion. "Seto, it's no big deal. I'm still gonna eat it."

"FUCK." Seto shoved his chair toward the table and snarled as he stomped toward the door.

"…So you're finished with breakfast then?"

"Just—FUCK. DAMN IT. GOD."

Mokuba listened to the door slam and raised an eyebrow, then turned back to his mushy cereal. "Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days."

.-.-.-.-.-.

The entire class jumped as the door to lecture hall slammed open. The professor paused in annoyance, wondering who this person was that was interrupting her class.

Seto looked around for only a moment before he saw who he was looking for. He stomped over to the blond and slammed his hand down on the desk. "Where do I sign?!"

Joey silently pulled out the crumpled piece of paper from his backpack.

Seto grabbed a pen from another student. She squawked. "Hey!"

He scribbled his signature, then leaned toward the blond and snarled, "I am going to beat the shit out of you when you get home. I hope you know that."

Joey simply beamed at him.

The brunet snarled wordlessly and threw the pen back at the girl he'd snatched it from, then stormed back out and slammed the door.

The professor mouthed wordlessly. The rest of the class could only gape. It had all happened in a matter of a forty seconds and it was still rather hard to figure out what the hell had just happened.

The girl sitting next to Joey stood up and screeched. "THAT ASSHOLE BROKE MY PEN AND GOT INK ALL OVER MY ESSAY!"

"…I will accept it as a casualty of war proving that you wrote it. You may send me a digital copy after class." The professor pursed her lips, blinking slowly, then began to laugh, because Joey was still grinning happily as he stapled the signed confirmation letter to the back of his own paper.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Joey's smile finally fell when he walked into the mansion and found Seto waiting for him, looking as if he'd seethed about everything the entire day. He mused that maybe the brunet had. It had been incredibly personal and he knew that Seto never liked to change things unless he decided they should be changed.

That's why all of his former girlfriends and-or boyfriends were dumped. They decided something needed changing (usually Seto) and he promptly kicked them to the curb, sometimes almost literally.

He felt his heart skip a beat. He hoped Seto wouldn't break up with him for this. They'd been dating for three years. He'd hoped their relationship was strong enough for this and that Seto would take it as a joke.

Thinking quickly as the brunet stepped toward him, because he really did look as if he'd beat the ever-loving shit out of him, Joey asked, "Ya wanna hit me in the face, first?"

"That would be acceptable," Seto replied, one clenched fist rising angrily.

Joey grabbed his hair tie between his teeth. "Lemme get dis hair outta mah face then."

Seto watched the blond gather his hair on top of his head and growled, eyebrow twitching as he watched the younger boy wrap the elastic around his hair. After a moment, he roared, "DAMN IT. FINE."

Joey squealed as the brunet grabbed him and shoved him up against the wall, teeth digging into his skin sharply. "Ow!"

"I am so incredibly angry with you right now I hate you so much God damn it Joey!"

"Ow! Hey, quit bitin' me there, asshole!"

"You're the one who trained me to get horny when you put your hair up, you little twit!"

.-.-.-.-.-.

Seto glared at the ceiling. "I am still angry with you."

"Hmmmmmm."

"I am very offended that you would do such a thing."

"Mhm."

"It is undermining our trust in each other."

"Yeah."

"People don't simply classically condition their loved ones."

"I thought I'd classically condition Mokuba out of his attitude problem with fudge this winter."

The corner of Seto's lips twitched.

"I was gonna do that first, but he'd know somethin' was up if I made fudge this early in the year. Kid's too smart. I had to use you 'cause ya wouldn't expect anything."

Seto continued to glare at the ceiling, even as his lips fought valiantly to smirk. "It was very rude."

Joey rolled on top of him and sighed, frowning. "I figured you'd kill me anyway. I just thought… hey, you sex me up whenever you want. Maybe I can do it too. …Less obviously, of course."

"…I… suppose I can forgive you." Seto paused. "…Please untrain me. This seems like a terrible development."

The blond kissed him lightly and purred. "But I like bein' able t' rile ya up."

Seto thought about the emails building up in his inbox and the new specs on the characters that he'd asked for and had to go through again. He was pretty sure he had a few papers to read and sign, too.

But as Joey began to nibble and kiss his collarbone and trail his hand down between his legs, he realized that this was just as worth it as it was the very first time.