Chapter 20: Rejection

When I finally woke up I felt like I had just emerged from a bottomless whirlpool in the ocean that just kept sucking me further and further under. I breathed in and felt the life flood like the oxygen through my lungs and wash over me. I was still snuggled up with Jake. He was on his back and had me scooped up to his side. My right hand was resting on his huge chest and I watched his mother's ring rise and fall with his steady breathing. Sun was shining through the blinds in little slits across our bodies that were wrapped together.

I tired to remember if I had any bad dreams last night, but I couldn't. I remembered the feat of tossing and turning in this tiny bed with Jake. He was a heavy sleeper, and he took up a lot of room, but even when I was hanging off the edge his arms were around me, never letting me down. At some point during the night I had gotten a little over heated and slithered out of Jake's sweats, which explained the bare leg thrown over his hips. The thought of Jake's hips being within such a close proximity gave me a few ideas that were a lot better then just laying here, even though that was really good, too.

I carefully pulled myself on top of his slumbering from. I shifted around until his morning wood was pleasantly nestled under me and laid down on him so that my breasts were smashing into his bare chest. My head was resting right above his heart beat and I sat very still and listened to the steady rhythm. It was a strong, deep beat. Once I had it memorized I turned my head a little and let my lips rest on his skin. He was hot and warmed my lips up in no time. I moved my head an inch to the side and placed my lips on the next bit of skin and as I moved another inch towards his little peak of a nipple I wondered what he might taste like... I kissed a third spot but this time I parted my lips and let my tongue slip out and ever so slightly caress his skin. He tasted absolutely delicious. His cocoa colored skin felt like it was burning and the only word that I could think of when I tasted his robust flavor; manly. I moved another inch and this time I kissed his nipple and licked him once more. The only response I got was the speeding of his heart rate. I didn't want to push things to fast so I stilled my ministrations for a moment until he calmed down a bit.

When I was sure he wasn't too excited I looked up at his face and studied his beautifully carved features and wanted to feel them with my fingertips. I reached out and cupped his cheek and he nestled into my palm. My heart gave a tug and I felt a rush of love for this man wash over me. I could feel the love. It was like something live in side me that had taken hold and there was no escaping.... But I didn't want to. I sat up a little and accidentally mashed my self right on top of him. I felt him get harder then he was before and he unconscionably pushed his hips up into mine. He grasped my hips and without opening his eyes he moaned, "Mmmmmmhummm..." I stifled my laughter and wiggled around a little, causing him to toss his head back and forth and for my eyes to drift shut. I thought of how amazing it would feel if only the clothes weren't in the way. Since he was asleep I decided to see how far I could get with him without him waking up.

I lifted up and eased myself down his lap and rested my weight on my legs on either side of his and gently opened the flap to his boxers. He sprung out easily and I could have sworn I heard him sigh in relief. I kissed the top of his raging boner and felt his muscles tense. I tenderly sucked on the tip and let my lips slip down around his girth a centimeter at a time. Once I had about the first 2 inches in my mouth I added a little teeth and tightened my lips as I pulled it almost all the way before going back down a little further. At the third repetition I heard him say my name all dragged out, "Bellllllllaa...." I moaned in reply and it sent vibrations through him and he groaned again.

I had reached my threshold and even with as much of it in my mouth as I could stand there was still so much left over. I tried to go down a little more but it cut of my air and I felt like I might gag, so I wrapped my hand around his base and worked it in motion with my mouth, which seemed to make up for it. His hands wound their way into my hair and guided my speed, slowing my a little, to drag out every last millimeter of pleasure. I swirled my tongue and dragged my teeth and tightened my hold on him until I had to break away for a breather. Jake himself was panting and I wasn't sure if he was awake yet or not. I looked up and his eyes were squinted shut but other then that he looked like he was resting. I swung my leg to the right and got off the bed and removed my underwear. I stopped for a second and didn't hear a sound coming from the rest of the house but I remembered we needed to be quite.

I gently straddled him once more, trying not to wake him. I managed to position him at my entrance with one hand while the other was pressed to him to help balance. I felt the tip at the right stop and my eyes closed as I slid it in not even half way. I let him go and straighten up only to lower myself a little more. When Jake started to let out whatever exclamation he was dreaming of I slapped my hand over his mouth to stifle it at the same time I slammed down on top of him. My hips bucked of their own accord right as his eyes snapped open and popped wide, looking scared. I didn't give him a moment to catch up, I just fucked him in earnest. His hands grabbed my hips and tried to stop me but I sat all the way back and even the tiniest movement of my hips sent me closer and closer to release. He was filling me up so perfectly and even though it had literally not even been Fifteen seconds I was about to break apart on top of him until I was suddenly shoved upward and all the warm hardness within slipped away and left my center clenching and aching for it's return, but I was pushed to the side and Jake was off the bed.

I flopped on my back and let out a disappointed sigh... Damn, I was so close...

"Why did you do that? You could have been... What were you thinking?"

"Thinking? I was thinking about you, and how amazing that felt! What are you thinking about?" He looked guilty and my eyes narrowed and I said quietly, "You mean even though I was on top of you, you were thinking about your 'pact' with Sam?" He didn't answer but that was clear enough for me. I got out of his bed and went to my clothes that had been dried and placed on his dresser. I yanked off his shirt but before I could get my hands on my bra to snap it on Jake was beside me and pulling me to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving, I can't stay here..."

"No, you can't leave, I haven't even got to talk to you! I need... Bella, please, don't go." His eyes were pleading but I didn't want to give in so easily.

"Why not? You don't want me, so why should I stay and torture myself? I can't deal with this!" I tried to pull away but he held on tight and I knew I didn't have a chance of getting out easily.

"You think this is hard for you? You want to talk about torture? How about what you just did to me, that I had to stop, even though I want nothing more then to..." He stopped himself, but I could tell it was hurting him just as much as it was me, but I didn't understand why he wouldn't just be with me...

"I don't get it. I mean, if you really want me like you say you do, then why won't you let it happen? It's not like Sam would know for sure or not if we had actually done anything..."

Jake sighed and said, "I think we need to talk." He went to his bed and sat up against his headboard and motioned for me to come to him. I went over, top and bottomless, and let him pull me down into his strong arms.

"I think you are right."

"Listen, Bella, there are just some things I'm not allowed to say, but I will tell you what I can."

"What does that mean, 'Not allowed?' I don't understand why you are keeping things from me, and I don't know why we are being kept apart, but it is going to stop. I need you, okay?"

"I know, baby, trust me, I know. I've been just as deprived as you."

"But at least you know why... All I get is confusion and rejection... And what was Billy talking about not being safe?" There were so many answers I needed, I didn't even know where I wanted to begin, and I felt like if I heard 'I can't answer' one more time, I might scream.

"Don't worry about that, thats not important. You just need to keep your head on straight and not get into trouble, like last night..."
He looked a lot more worried then he should have been.

"I'm in danger from someone, aren't I? A vampire?"

"What makes you think that?" I debated for a moment on telling him about the clothes, but I figured if I wanted the truth from him, the least I could do was give it in return. I explained when it happened and what went missing, but before I could explain why I didn't mention it he pulled me back to look at me and said,

"What? Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Oh well, I don't know, maybe because you up and disappeared on me?!" I knew that stung but I was mad and I didn't really care if I hurt his feelings or not because it was the truth. But he wasn't backing down,

"You think I did that willingly? You know what it took for them to hold me back that day you came to the door? And all those calls, don't you think I knew it was you every time it would ring for Five minutes? What about all the nights I laid here while the worry would burn holes in my stomach thinking about where you are and if you are okay? Then I hear you are stranded out in the middle of the woods, doing God knows what..." He softened a little but his words were still heated, "I'm sorry things turned out this way, but don't think this is what I wanted to happen... I had plans for us, short and long term, and now... Now everything is ruined..." He let go of me and covered his eyes with one of his massive hands. I tugged on it, trying unsuccessfully to prise it away.

"No, that's not true! If you would just explain properly then I could prove it to you. No matter what this is about I don't care!! I love you, and you can't keep me away anymore! I'll let them know that myself if I have to." As if on cue, someone knocked on his door and walked right in without even giving Jake a second to answer. I was still naked and the blankets were at the bottom of the bed. I quickly covered my breasts and Jake was suddenly in front of me with one hand pushing me to the side so that I was hidden from view. Jake let out a low rumbling growl.

"We will be out in a minute."

"You better not be risking it Jake, or so help me..." I heard and realized it was Sam at the door.

"Get out!" snarled Jake before he even finished and then the door slammed. "Come on... Get up and get dressed." His tone was harsh but I knew he wasn't mad at me. I quickly got into my clothes while surveying Jake out of the corner of my eye. He was still mad and I didn't want to have a bad day since this was the first time I was able to see in for what felt like forever so I walked over to him as he was facing his dresser and easily wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him as mush as I could and said,

"Don't me upsedt, please... Everything will be okay, I promise..." I wasn't sure if I even sounded sincere since I didn't know what to think either, but I knew as long as I had Jake, I could make it through anything. He turned and pulled my close to him.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Jake."

He took my hand and led me to his door. It felt like it was Us versus the World, but nothing could stop us as long as we had one another.