lots of frumpy ed coming up haha

The three men returned to Central and Beje was given permission to start on the counter-serum for Edward's body with his recovered book. Maes and Roy went back to Maes' home but found Riza there with Edward.

"Hawkeye…"

"Sir. How was your journey?"

"It was… oddly satisfying."

Edward looked up at Maes.

"Mustang said you killed the guy who killed Al. Is that right?"

Maes laughed nervously, shooting a glare at Roy.

"I, uh, got a little carried away. You boys mean a lot to me, as if you were my own kids, and so doing that to your brother just threw me over the edge."

Edward gave a small smile and then turned to Roy.

"And what about you? Did you get in on the action?"

Riza looked at him as well.

"I… got to incinerate his remains."

Edward nodded. "Well isn't that just peachy for the two of you."

The two officers looked at him in confusion as he glared something sharper than daggers at the two.

"I suffered so much for so long, the only thing left of Al being the voice in my head, and I didn't even get to avenge him."

"You were still recovering-"

"I've recovered just fine!" he growled, stamping his foot for emphasis.

Riza had to hide her smile because it wasn't supposed to be adorable, but it was.

"What the hell gives you two the right to dictate whether I'm fine or not? Are you doctors? Are you psychiatrists? No! You're just older than I am. That's it. You know nothing about me or Al or what we went through. You don't even know the half of the horrors that I had to endure by myself, half dazed and confused and full of false hope and dreams and memories and pain and sorrow and sadness and anything else that could be thought of!" he screamed, tears falling from his anger filled eyes. "Out of everything, the one thing I wanted more than to be rescued, was to see the man who killed Al. I wanted to ask him why he did it. I wanted to understand what possessed him to kill a kid like that! While Al was screaming in pain and screaming for me! Why would he just keep doing what he did?! And then I wanted to break him. I wanted to watch him die… but as it has been through this whole fiasco, no one has asked me what I wanted to do."

"I asked you about Al." Roy offered feebly.

Edward turned to him and if looks could kill, Roy would be dead many times over.

"And you're the worst of them all, Roy. You keep acting like you're the victim here when it was me. Why do I have to keep defending myself? Why do I have to look like the whiny child when I have every right to be upset and mad?"

"I'm sorry, Edward…" Maes said, truly sorry. "You're right, we haven't taken into consideration your feelings over what happened before you were taken and while you were taken… but you must understand that when we found you, you were so broken. You were like an expensive mirror that had been shattered into a billion pieces, each piece so delicate that if we touched it the wrong way, it'd shatter more. We had to be so careful with you; we had to make sure you would stay together as we tried to make you whole again. We've been tiptoeing around so much that we didn't stop to realize that you're whole again; fractured, but you can hold your own. We jumped ahead of you… I'm sorry."

Edward wiped his nose and sniffled.

"I know… I'm sorry… I just…"

He finally burst into tears and Roy went to go to him but realized that he had done the same thing again as when Edward had been hidden away. He had taken his own liberties, tried too hard, and he was back where he had started.

He hadn't learned at all.

So he stepped back, literally, and watched the two people who had been able to always comfort Edward before Roy could while Edward was broken do the same thing again now that he was whole.

A few days went by and Roy drowned himself in his work, trying to avoid Edward or anything about Edward. He was determined to keep out of Edward's way. Every time he was in it, it seemed like he screwed everything up and made Edward mad. Besides, Edward isn't a kid. He looks like one, but he's been taking care of himself since he was twelve. He doesn't need me and it's not like I'm his father or something.

There was a knock on the door and Roy looked around his paper stack to see Riza sticking her head in.

"May I come in?"

"Yeah."

Riza walked in and stuck a paper on top of a pile.

"Sir, you're being unusually progressive today. Does this have to do with Edward?"

"Fullmetal is not a concern of mine. He really never has been."

"I'll make sure to put that in my mental notes whenever you send someone to spy on him and make sure he's alright."

Roy glanced up at her as she crossed her arms.

"What's going on, Colonel?"

"Can't a man of rank and title do his paperwork without being judged?"

"If you were anyone in this office, I would take that, but you're the laziest colonel here." Roy shrugged, not denying it. "Why are you avoiding him?"

"If he has you and Maes there then what does he need me for?"

"Colonel, is this about when he had that outburst the other day?"

"I'm not someone in his life who can make things better for him. I make them worse. I even did it somehow when I wasn't even there. Actually, that's the whole reason why this happened in the first place. The point is that whenever I try to help, I end up making things ten times worse than they should be. It's best if I just stay out of it all."

Riza went and closed the door she had left open and went around the desk. She leaned on the corner of it.

"He's staying with me for now but you're not the only one he lashes out at. I know that Beje is trying to make that formula but Edward is something to be reckoned with when he gets into a mood and it would be nice if we had Beje to help us out. Maes says it's normal but I think it's something raging behind a calm. He says a lot of things when you're around he would never tell us in a calm setting."

"You mean he tells me the truth and blames me for what happened."

"That's just it, though, so much happened that we can't even comprehend as adults. He's a child, brilliant or not, and true, he's a smaller one than usual, but we'll both agree he's a kid." Roy nodded. "If we can't comprehend the horrors and mental fucks that Edward has gone through, do you really think he can?"

"I guess you make a point… but what does that have to do with me?"

"When he yells at you, he tells us about what happened every time. It may be in teeny tiny pieces, but those pieces will eventually paint the picture we need to understand. He's trying to forget but his mind can't and I can tell he doesn't think any of us will understand him or will just pity him."

Roy leaned on the desk. "So are you wanting me to rile him up just to get information?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that I think pulling yourself out of the recovering stage is not exactly the best idea."

"Well, why don't you ask Edward what he wants?" Roy said, not mocking Edward's earlier words at all. "At least with that outburst, I realized that jumping the gun with anything regarding this is a stupid thing to do. Ask him what he wants me involved."

Riza sighed and nodded. "Alright then."

"No."

Riza blinked a little.

"You… don't?"

"No."

"May I ask why?"

"Because he hasn't apologized and is, again, making it about him." Edward said, looking back at her from an alchemy book. "I don't want his help. It was his fault it happened it the first place."

"Is this the excuse you're going to continually give?"

"Yes."

"Edward, you're starting to be unreasonable."

"I have a lot of things to do when Copplestone finally fixes that serum for me. I have to figure out what exactly I want to do about Al, figure out how to tell my family about what happened and how I failed… I'm gonna leave the military."

"You are? Does the Colonel know this?"

"No. What does it matter? I'll be out of his hair, he'll be out of mine, and the point of getting into the military was to find a way to get Al's body back. Well, the soul is gone too. There's nothing left for me to gain from the military, so I'll go back home."

Riza sighed. "I guess that's your choice…"

"You sound condescending." He grumbled, looking back at the book.

"I'm not, it's just there are so many things left unsaid and scattered about that you should really fix before you leave."

"If you mean with the Colonel, then it's his turn. As usual, he's too slow to realize that."

"Well what exactly do you want, Edward?" Riza asked, finally getting exasperated.

Edward looked up at her in a bit of confusion.

"What?"

"I said what do you want from him? He wants to help and he wants to understand but it seems like whatever he does, you get farther away from him."

"Because that bastard won't just say he was sorry!" he yelled, closing the book.

"Sorry for what?"

Edward didn't say anything for a moment and then finally looked at Riza, his eyes brimming with tears but his jaw was set.

"Sorry for abandoning me."

Riza's eyes widened when she realized what the problem was.

"I see… Edward…" She sighed and sat next to him on the couch. "I know you want him to come to terms with it, but he can't understand what you want until you tell him why you feel that way. He knows you need someone and he would like to be that someone, but he can't help if he doesn't know with what. I know it will be hard for you to do, but you'll have to tell him exactly how you feel."

Edward nodded a little.

Late that night, Roy got a phone call and picked up the phone.

"Colonel Roy Mustang speaking."

"A-56-60-8-10-D."

Roy sat up straighter. "What?"

"A-56-60-8-10-D. You left me out there when I needed you most… you didn't come for me… you abandoned me. Even after what you did, you still play the victim, the father-like figure just trying to get his son-like subordinate. After leaving me to people who could care less whether I was mentally here or not, who did horrible things and sold me; after having to watch and hear my brother be scratched out of existence and have to carry that for far too long, we must remember that we should feel sorry for you because you can't get close to me. Because whenever you try, I push you away. I push you away because you won't admit to what you did to me. You forgot me. You abandoned me. So I had to give up on you."

Roy breathed in deeply. "Then what do you want from me?"

There was silence and Edward breathed in.

"I don't want to see your face again. I hate you. I don't ever what to hear you, be near you, touch you or know about you. I wish I hadn't remembered you. Because if you can't come to terms with what you did to me, then you're nothing to me anymore. Once I get the serum, I'm leaving the military. This is our goodbye. May your regret will be as deep as mine."

Roy licked his lips slowly. "I only regret not getting to you faster."

"Then I regret that I ever met you. You're useless and not just on rainy days."

The phone clicked and Roy was still holding the receiver, letting the blades stab deeper and deeper into him.

okay, here's what's happening: roy blames himself for letting the elrics go on the mission and what happened with al and all that stuff. he doesn't realize that edward blames him for all the trauma and heartache he went through because roy didn't come after him fast enough. roy should have been right on his case, using every resource he could. instead, he tried for a bit, got nowhere, and ended up drinking his sorrows away. from edward's perspective, it's as if he just gave up and left it to chance. he truly believes that roy abandoned him, was reminded of the issue, and finally came looking for him. he literally just wants roy to admit that he was too slow and that his slothness caused edward's troubles.

but roy will never do that because he can't see it. i hope that made some sense... *sigh*