Funeral for a Friend

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N Hi everybody. Sorry I've been gone so long. We've moved from North Carolina to St Louis to be near family. Realistically we'd been working on the move-getting the house sold, getting rid of old furniture, apartment hunting, finding new jobs-since last March. Still working on the jobs part, but we're good. To be near family again has been worth it all.
One last chapter for this story. Again, thanks for your patience.

This is a therapy exercise that's done for women who have experienced miscarriages or post-abortion trauma.

Ryan held Emmie's shoulder as though he really didn't want to be separated. But the counselor insisted that she had to do this alone.

"This is ridiculous" she muttered under her breath.

"No" Ryan insisted. "You have to deal with this once and for all."

"Are you ready, Emmie?" the woman said.

Emmie shook her head and shrugged. "I guess."

The counselor was a tall insistent woman with her curly hair in a ponytail.l She was nearly as tall as Emmie and could look her straight in the eyes and without words could tell the young Marine why this had to be. She opened the white door and let her walk into the room by herself.

"Now take all the time you need." With that she closed the door.

The dimly lighted room was pink with bordering that had flowers and little teddy bears. Against the walls were a pretty white dresser and a changing table. Baby powder and a diaper bag sat on the dresser. The room itself was dimly lighted and quiet.

In the middle of the room was a rocking chair with an afghan draped over the back with a bassinet in front. Emmie took a deep breath and studied them.

A blue blanket. A baby dressed in a blue sleeper dotted with little white lambs. The baby itself was the size and weight of a newborn.

It had no face.

Gently she came up and caressed the doll for a few minutes. What was just a doll a few minutes ago was now Christopher, the precious little face she never saw. Dexter's and her only son; neither of whom knew him.

Now she carefully picked up the baby and held it tightly. Emmie couldn't control herself anymore. She squeezed Christopher tightly to her shoulder as though to burp him and cried loudly.

"Oh God" she wailed through her tears. "Oh God!"

Now she held out Christopher and studied him. He didn't go limp like an ordinary doll would have. Though she never saw her son's face, she could now see him plainly as day, what his face looked like. Now she could see the shape of his little body and look at those little hands and little booties. It was too much. After she pulled Christopher back to her shoulder she reached for the afghan on the rocker and gently wrapped it around his little body and sat down in the rocking chair, holding him and sobbing for what seemed to be an eternity.

"911. What's your emergency?"

"Please help me. I'm...bleeding."

"Ma'am, where are you?"

"I'm in my bed. I-I'm...pregnant. Please? I can't move!

"What's your name?"

"It's Emmie. Emmie Qualls. Please? My husband's gone! "

"Now Emmie, stay calm. We're dispatching the ambulance."

"Mr. and Mrs. Qualls? Congratulations! It's a boy!"

"Something's wrong. Mrs. Qualls we're going to have to take your son to a different room. Stay calm. We'll be back with you."

"We did everything we could. I'm sorry."

Slowly and gently she finally put Christopher down in his bassinet and stroked his sandy-colored hair. Silently listening to the whisper.

Emmie finally pushed the little button on the wall next to her.

"Very quietly the woman slipped in. "Are you ready, Emmie?"

Her head bowed, she rose up and allowed the woman to lead her into the next quiet room.

Instead of the haunting silence, there played gentle choir music. A white, lacy infant's casket sat at the front, just feet ahead of the pews, surrounded by candles. She sat in the small red pew.

Again, take as much time as you need.

Emmie grabbed her arm as she turned to leave. "Can Ryan please be here? I don't want to be alone."

"Of course. Anything you want."

"Thank you."

Moments later Ryan slipped in and sat down next to her with a whisper-soft sound. He put his arm around her as she sat still, her head still bowed. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't answer. Ryan tenderly rubbed her back as she sobbed on her folded hands. Ryan handed her some Kleenex. She plucked it from his hands. "Thank you."

His arm still around her, he turned and looked hesitantly toward the white door.

"What is it?"

Ryan bowed his head. "I sort of let everybody know what was happening. "Okay?"

She nodded.

The door slowly opened. In crept Horatio, Alexx, Delko, Calleigh and Natalia. Horatio sat next to Ryan while Alexx sat next to Emmie and squeezed her hand. "Hi Baby. How are you holding up?"

"I guess as well as I should be."

"Christopher would have made a fine man" Horatio told her. He didn't have to say that it's never easy burying a loved one. Emmie already knew.

Natalia reached forward and held her shoulder. "If you need anything, just let us know, okay?"

Delko leaned toward them now. "Besides they told me you guys need some help."

"With what?"

"Christopher should have some pallbearers.

Emmie wiped her sore eyes and blew her sore nose one more time.

"Ready?" Ryan asked as he squeezed her sweaty hand. She nodded.

"Come on, H" Delko whispered.

Horatio and Delko slowly and respectfully approached the casket where they blew out the candles. They then gently picked up the casket on either side and walked slowly out the stained glass door. The lights came up.

Calleigh rubbed Ryan's shoulder. "Hey, if I can get you guys anything, we're right here."

Emmie held her hand. "Thanks for being here today. It's not easy doing this alone."

"You're welcome."