Afraid
"Can't I just pee on a stick or something?" I asked with a cringe on my face as I eyed the needle.
"We would have to wait several more days for the hormones to show up in your urine. Just take a seat; I promise to be quick." Carlisle motioned towards a chair in the living room.
I took the seat and held out my arm for him. Edward came over to my other side and took my free hand kissing it gently as I felt the prick.
"I'll be back in a few minutes with the results," Carlisle hurried out of the living room towards his lab.
"I think I already know," Edward looked at me intently.
"How would you know- I don't even know," I commented.
"You smell different to me. I already asked Carlisle if he could smell the difference, he said no, but then again I am more attuned to your scent and you smell different to me."
"Did I smell different before?" I asked.
Edward seemed distressed, as he always did, when I brought up my previous pregnancy, "Yes, but it's not the same. You smelled more of me before, now you smell more like yourself with just a hint of me instead."
"Alice has told us several times this will be different, though I wish she could give us more insight," I mused.
"It doesn't work like that. If the child is half vampire and half human she may always have a hard time seeing it because she's never been that. She has given us the most important piece of all of this and that is that you'll be fine- well you'll be changed but that we already knew. "
Carlisle came back in the room at that moment, "Congratulations," he began.
Things progressed fairly naturally. It wasn't a human pregnancy by any means, but it was nothing like before. It wasn't until I hit the two week mark that the problems I had encountered before resurfaced. I was tired achy, which was normal enough I suppose.
This pregnancy was advancing quickly but not as fast as before.
"You're anemic," Carlisle's troubled voice spoke.
I bit my lower lip in anxiety, both he and Edward had been nothing but supportive so far. We were due to give an update to Aro in only an hour. For the most part we gave him only the bare minimal information, but somehow I suspected he would know if I was anemic.
"What do we do?" I asked.
"Well I'll put you on iron supplements," Carlisle replied simply, "The real dilemma here is that Aro will know and he'll want to become more involved. Granted you being healthy is reward enough but it also keeps Aro placated."
"Is there a way to hide my scent?" I asked though I had a feeling I already knew the answer.
"No," Edward answered, "I should have spoken up yesterday when I suspected, but it didn't become obvious until this morning. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, it happens," I shrugged my shoulders.
"I'm going to put together my work and meet you in the main hall to see Aro in an hour. Edward," Carlisle focused on him, "Let me do the talking. I have the relationship and respect here. Keep your temper under control."
I hoped Edward would follow Carlisle's direction. When we had gone to report the first time that I was in fact pregnant thing got a little- well, intense.
Edward looked back to Carlisle and seemed mildly agitated but didn't comment back.
"Come on," I reached over and grabbed his hand and pulled Edward towards me. "I'm hungry again. We have time to eat."
Edward looked at me shocked, "You just ate an hour ago- allot."
"What, are you saying I'm fat? I'm pregnant Edward, if I want to eat feed me for heaven's sake!" I was actually angry with him making me feel awkward for being hungry.
"Shh, shh," he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my tummy, "You are not fat, you are gorgeous, beautiful, glowing. If you want to eat, then let me make you something."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in Edward's arms. This is what it is supposed to be like, a supportive, loving husband helping his beloved wife through the pregnancy. This is exactly what being pregnant was supposed to be like, well except for the whole being held captive by vampire royalty.
"I think that was one of the things that hurt me the most," I spoke my thoughts out loud. Edward was just quiet for a moment and seemed to tense his hold on me bracing himself for what I was about to say. "You still touched me, but you wouldn't touch my bump- my tummy. It made me feel unattractive to you, as if I didn't already pale in comparison to you; It made me feel even more inadequate."
Edward seemed to ponder my revelation before speaking, "Bella, you were never unattractive to me, not even close. I believed that I had hurt you and made you sick, the bump was simply the undeniable evidence of my crime against you. I had a hard time accepting that I had hurt you so much. I understand now that I was wrong," Edward paused, "But you were wrong too- to ever think that I somehow loved you any less. I'm glad we got this do-over of sorts, granted the situation is far from ideal. This is more like how it should have been."
"If things had turned out differently, I think we still would have worked it out eventually. Fate has given us a blessing I believe- a second chance. Now," I grinned turning my head back to him, "How quick can you scramble some eggs for me?"
"Dear Bella, you are positively glowing!" Aro greeted.
Edward smirked beside me and I looked at him curiously. "He's been studying human pregnancy and came across the word, 'glowing'."
"What is that?" Aro approached the three of us, "Her scent has changed."
"Bella is anemic," Carlisle explained, "I am treating it and am hopeful to have it resolved soon."
"Anemic- her blood count is low?" Aro confirmed.
"That is true in a sense. I will be supplementing her diet to compensate," Carlisle assured.
I could feel Edward tense beside me as Aro spoke again, "Perhaps her diet is the problem. The little vampire has to eat after all, it can't live off the human food she does; Maybe it's hungry?"
The room was quite and I could tell Edward struggled not to speak out, but he stuck with Carlisle's recommendation.
"Humans cannot ingest blood like we can of course, but perhaps Bella's biology is changing to accommodate the child?" Aro further suggested.
"I will keep the option in mind, for now allow me try more traditional and appealing methods," Carlisle insisted.
Aro just waved his hand in acknowledgement, "Keep me updated. I look forward to our next meeting."
My mind was swarming as we walked out of the hall, was Aro actually suggesting I drink blood? I can't even stand the sight or smell of blood, there was no way I would be able to drink it!
"Was he just suggesting what I think he was suggesting?" I asked as we entered our quarters where the rest of the Cullens were awaiting our return.
"Don't worry love, you won't be sharing in my diet until your skin is as hard as mine," Edward assured.
"He might be onto something though," Carlisle mused.
"What are you talking about?" Rosalie demanded.
"Bella is anemic," Edward answered, "Aro suggested that maybe we should be trying to feed the baby what it wants- blood."
Emmett laughed, "Like our delicate Bella would be able to down blood, she swoons at the sight of it. No offence Sis," he winked at me.
"None taken," I assured.
"It may come to that though," Alice spoke solemnly. "I don't see the treatment that Carlisle has chosen working for long."
Edward tensed, "It won't come to that."
"Edward we have to be willing to consider it if it might help the baby; I can't go through losing- not again," I looked down at my feet and tried to blink back tears.
I could tell only moments later that Jasper was helping me; I looked up to meet his sympathetic eyes.
"Bella," Carlisle addressed me, "I need you to be completely honest with me dear, we are at the point of where things started to go south last time. We are all on the same page now and things are different. I need to know, are you hearing voices again- is the child trying to communicate with you?"
I was quiet for a moment as I gathered my thoughts, "No," I meet his eyes directly, "And it worries me a little. I don't have any strange emotions or even suspicions about what gender it could be. I feel detached and it makes me very sad."
It was Jasper that spoke back to me, "You're afraid of getting attached because you might lose it or have it taken away again. Allow me to share my insight with you darlin' you felt an immense amount of pain and sorrow when we had to abort your baby girl. It was a sharp and intense sorrow that lasted for days. Yet I also feel the pain of the ladies of this family, though not as sharp- it still throbs for all their existence, the sadness of knowing they will never be able to bear a child. I can tell you with certainty that even if you did lose this child as well, you would regret not loving it, even before it was born, for all eternity. Take the chance and don't be afraid to love."
His words resounded in me. He was right; I was afraid.
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