"Lachlan?" Vik asked, sometime in the afternoon after I got a call from Mitch.
"Yeah, what's up?" I replied, looking up from my phone. He was sitting across from me on my bed.
"Uh… What were you doing when I walked in earlier today? Whatever it was definitely wasn't plain cutting," he mumbled, slow and carefully with his words.
"It's basically the same thing, it's not a big deal," I lied. To me, it was a big deal because I had finally decided that I ran out of space.
"Cutting isn't something small to begin with, Lachlan. Seeing that you had new scars - bleeding cuts - it hurt me more than it should have," he argued, a frown on his lips. I shrugged.
"It's not a big deal," I insisted. "It's... nothing worse than what I've already been doing."
"That's still concerning, considering you've- erm... Tried to commit suicide," he pointed out. I shrugged again.
"I know, you're right, but... it's nothing to worry about. I'm not worth the worry," I whispered. He rolled his eyes. I had said the same thing over and over again, and he would always reply in the same way.
"You are worth the worry, and I don't know how long it'll take for you to understand that," he sighed, flopping flat onto the bed. He turned so his face was against the sheet and gave a muffled, loud, annoyed groan.
"I love how you went from concerned off your ass to annoyed as fuck with me," I joked, messing up his hair. It was true, though I didn't mind at all. He wasn't necessarily annoyed, he was just bored of my self loathing. That was understandable.
"You are annoying," he grumbled, flipping over, onto his back. A smirk slowly slipped onto his face, and I started to grow terrified of whatever he was thinking of. I scooted a tiny bit away from him. "Taser!" He poked my side, and I immediately flinched away from him. Too late, I realized that I was slipping off the edge of the bed. The next thing I knew was that I fell off the bed, and I was laying on the floor.
"Well…" I mumbled. Vik and I simultaneously broke into laughter. My shoulders hurt a bit, but I was otherwise completely fine.
"You okay?" Vik gasped, in between uneven breaths from laughing. I nodded and sat up. He held out his hand to help pull me back up and I took it. Instead of standing up, I pulled him down with me.
He landed in my lap. Vikram Barn was sitting on my lap. Oh shit. Oh shit! We both were frozen in realization of what had just happened. I kept opening and closing my mouth, trying to find something to say. What could I even say? 'Hey, Vik. You're sitting on my lap right now, if you haven't noticed. I know this isn't the time to say this, but I might be slightly starting to like you back.' That was definitely not something I should say.
"Um..." I breathed, biting my lip to hide the smile that was trying to make its way onto my face. It was still a funny situation. And to be completely honest, the fact that Vik was on my lap made me feel like I could projectile vomit butterflies at any point. In a good way.
"I- I'll move," he murmured. He clumsily rolled off of me and onto the floor. "S-sorry about that..."
"Um- I- It's fine..." I stuttered. I stared at my hands and awkwardly rubbed my arm underneath my sleeves.
"Please don't do that," he whispered, moving my arms to my sides. My fingers were red. I chewed the inside of my cheek and focused on looking at the wood flooring. It would probably be logical to at least get up to sit on the bed and not the floor, but Vik was almost intimidating me. I could feel his eyes boring into me.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, as if I had never said it before. Everything was completely silent. Neither of us spoke, we just sat on the floor. Suddenly, Vik broke into tears.
"I can't help but feel like this is all my fault..." he admitted. "I know you'll say that it isn't, but I could've done something. I could've at least noticed! I didn't even think anything was really off. I knew you had a lot of tough days but... And when you said that I wasn't enough, I felt so useless. I know I'm not supposed to tell you this stuff, two people who are falling apart can't fix each other, but that's the reality. I purposely change all our conversation topics to you, because you're the priority right now. I'll talk, but I know that you've noticed how I never really talk about me. I'll share my thoughts and views on things, but I never would think of sharing how I really feel and think to you until now."
"Vik-" I started. He cut me off by continuing.
"I don't know what I was thinking when I first told you that I love you. For some reason, I had expected something out of a book; I imagined that you would tell me you loved me back. That was very naive and foolish of me. I got my hopes up. Don't worry, I don't blame you and it's not your fault. I'm just stupid. I care way too much, but I can't even show that. All I want to do is help you, but I can't. All I've done is make things worse. I know that I'm still partially to blame for the night you tried to commit suicide. The time I spent sitting in your room just sunk these thoughts deeper and deeper into my mind. I'm useless, I'm absolutely useless," he sighed, curling up into a ball and hiding his face in his arms. I scooted closer to him.
"What are you talking about? You're not useless, not to me. You helped keep me clean for four days. Without even knowing. The only reason I tried to commit suicide was because I thought that... you hated me. I thought that you realized what a freak I was. You mean a lot to me, Vik. You're important to me," I reassured him. I positioned myself so that I could lay my head on his shoulder. He shrugged, causing my head to bounce up and land back on his shoulder.
"You don't have to lie to make me feel better, it's fine. It really is fine," he mumbled. He let out a shaky sigh.
"I'm not lying. Why would I?" I replied.
"Because you suddenly feel bad for me? I don't know. Haven't you ever doubted the help people have offered? Don't you ever think that, sometimes, they're only doing it because of pity?" he countered.
"Of course I have. My whole childhood was full of people becoming friends with me because they felt bad for me. I was that quiet kid who sat in the front row, the only one paying attention. They never stayed. I'd be a complete hypocrite if I lied out of pity, wouldn't I?" I answered. He shrugged again.
"So, what if it makes you a hypocrite? That's not going to stop you from doing it," he argued.
"But the point is I'm not," I insisted. It stayed silent for a few moments, but I spoke up again. "This was a full three-sixty, wasn't it? Our positions have completely switched. Usually I'm the one who's being comforted, and you're the one helping me out. This is weird."
I almost said that I was the one bitching about everything, because that was the case. I always complained as if nothing was my fault, when I knew that it fully was. I didn't mean that Vik was bitching around, though. He wasn't, but I was. He wasn't ranting about how bad things only happened to him, such was something I felt like I did often.
"Sorry about that," he apologized, looking up and staring at the wall in front of us.
"It's not anything bad, it's just..." I started, unable to figure out what to say next. My lack of ability to speak the English language had finally caught up to me after being fine for so long. He let out a half-hearted laugh, his shoulders moving again and my head bouncing up and down.
"It's adorable how hard it is for you to talk right now, you don't even know," he whispered. A small smile made its way onto my face.
"You're weird. Why is that adorable?" I pouted. He looked down at me and jokingly stroked his chin, as if he were deep in thought.
"I think it's because you're just generally adorable," he replied.
"Here is a wild Vikkstar123, in a place very far away from his natural habitat. We are witnessing what is known to us as flirting," I joked, over exaggerating my accent. He rolled his eyes and jerked his shoulder forward so my head was awkwardly pushed off it. I just placed my head back on his shoulder.
"Want me to continue?" he sarcastically asked. I shook my head to say no, but he laughed and kept on talking. "I'll continue with graphic and unusual pick-up lines because I know they make you uncomfortable."
"No, Vik. I beg," I whined.
"Hey. Hey, Lachlan? Do you live on a chicken farm?" he started.
"I don't know, you're at my house, why don't you check?" I retorted.
"Cause you sure know how to raise a cock," he finished. I sighed. "What about this? There will only be seven planets left after I destroy Uranus."
"Fuck off, Vikram," I groaned.
"Are you a doctor-" he began.
"No, I'm not a flipping doctor," I interrupted.
"-because you just cured my erectile dysfunction," he continued. I rolled my eyes. His pick-up lines were definitely making me uncomfortable. Did people actually go up to strangers and say shit like that?
"I didn't need to know that," I mumbled, annoyed.
"I know you'll appreciate this one. I think I need a paralyze heal, because you're stunning," he said, excitedly. I laughed at his Pokemon reference. "I have more Pokemon ones! STDs are like Pokemon. Wanna help me catch them all?"
"Oh my god, Vik. Why do you know these?" I sighed. To be completely honest, the Pokemon ones were actually quite funny.
"I don't know. I had a 'pick-up line battle' with Simon once over Skype. We were both looking at the same pick-up line website and it was hilarious," he shrugged.
"You're really fucking weird..." I breathed. He put his hands up in defense.
"You're weird for being friends with me," he challenged.
"I never said that I wasn't weird," I pointed out.
"Whatever. Just know that you're one of the weirdest people I know, and I live with the Sidemen," he told me. I sat up and moved away from him. He looked a bit disappointed, and so was I, but I continued through with my joke. I put my hand over my heart, snuggled, and wiped away a fake tear.
"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," I fake cries, using the weirdest voice I could muster.
"You little weirdo," he joked, laughing a bit and pulling me into a quick hug.
"Goddamn, you are flirty today," I teased.
"What can I say? I love the Little Lachy a bit more than I should," he shrugged. I looked away from him and at the floor. Butterflies returned to my stomach.
"Well, what can I say? I'm just enough to reach your - what I can assume are - low standards," I replied. We both laughed.
"My standards aren't low, you actually exceed my standards quite a bit," he explained, only half joking.
"I don't believe you, but thanks," I slowly responded.
"That right there, Lachy, was proper flirting," Vik sang, fist bumping the air.
"Not so sure about that, but what would I know? I haven't been in a single relationship my whole life," I joked, unusually cheery for my statement.
"I don't see why, though. You have, like, anything anyone could ever want. The physical make ups of a typical tall, blonde-hair-blue-eye jock, who really isn't a jock, and that self-deprecating humor that's just enough so that it doesn't become fishing for compliments," he thought aloud. Those were the words, out of everything he had said to me that day, that made me want to disappear out of sight in embarrassment. His words were actual compliments, and they made me nervous in almost a good way.
"You're way too much. I swear, you make it impossible to not like you back," I mumbled, not intending for him to hear. He gave me a look of disbelief. I instantly knew that he had heard me.
"Um... I'm going to go record now. I'll just be over there," he awkwardly stuttered out. He stood up and started walking towards my desk. He froze about halfway there, and turned around. He went up to me and kissed my cheek, then went to sit at my desk.
Did that just happen?
((A/N: Sorry for the short, filler chappie :/))