Joe's Note: I was debating making this a three-parter but a lot of what goes on in the second and third episodes of the arc focuses on Obi-Wan and Satine and… there's really not a way you can shoehorn another character into that unless you're doing an OT3 story or something. Which I'm most emphatically not; Cordelia may be pansexual but she does have standards. Satine might possibly meet said standards, but I think we can all agree that Obi-Wan most certainly does not…
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

"This is Merrik. Stand by to disengage. Say farewell, Duchess."

"Obi-Wan, it looks like I may never see you again. I don't know quite how to say this, but… I've loved you. From the moment you came to my aid all those years ago."

"I don't believe this."

To be fair, Cordelia couldn't believe it either. It was like something out of one of those terrible soap operas that she'd occasionally caught while home sick from school. The Dying Declaration of Love was one of the oldest dramatic tropes in the book, and considering that she was standing by to save her if Obi-Wan couldn't pull things off himself? Satine was probably going to feel very, very stupid in a minute or two. Obi-Wan seemed to agree. "Satine, this is hardly the time or place for…" He trailed off, lowering his eyes as he looked away from Satine and her captor. Presumably some sort of very intense eye contact had ensued between the Jedi and his not-girlfriend; hidden in the shadows behind Satine and Merrik, Cordelia was missing all sorts of things. "All right. Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order."

Wow. Um, make that two people who were going to feel really stupid in the near future. Possibly three, if Merrik lived through having his cunning, cunning plan blow up in his face. Probably just two, though, given how many bodies Cordelia and her Valkyries tended to leave in their wake. And really, would anyone miss- "That is touching. Truly, it is. But it's making me sick, and we really must be going."

If someone had asked Cordelia to predict how their voyage from Mandalore to Coruscant would go… she could honestly say that she never would have predicted something like this. Sure, she'd known Merrik was evil thanks to the information that Palpatine had passed her, but assassin probes? Taking the duchess hostage? Having battle droids board the Coronet? It was a level of stupid that surpassed even Xander at his worst. If Merrik blew them all to bits the way he was bragging he would, he'd create a powerful martyr in Satine and ensure that the Death Watch would be reviled on Mandalore for decades to come. If he killed Satine but the rest of them survived? The Separatist connection to the Death Watch would be revealed to the world, prompting the Republic to invade… Concordia to ensure the safety of Mandalore. And whoever succeeded Satine would likely allow it, since it would remove a major threat to their power with absolutely no loss of Mandalorian life.

Wait. Hmm. Could she maybe then… no. Letting Satine die so the latter would come to pass would be wrong and besides, Cordelia was actually starting to like the woman.

Parts of her.

Definitely not her hair.

"You have the romantic soul of a slug, Merrik!" Satine glared up at her captor before tensing and then bringing her heel down on his foot hard. As Merrik howled and stumbled away from the blonde, Satine yanked the heavy blaster pistol out of the holster on his hip, raising it threateningly as she put a bit more distance between them. "And slugs are so often trod upon!" Okay, not a terrible way to tie things back to her initial comment but still almost painfully weak as far as witty quips went. Between that and the frequently awful aesthetic, Cordelia had her work cut out for her going forward.

For some reason, Merrik didn't seem terribly upset at the fact that he was being held at both blade and blasterpoint. Drawing himself up to his full height, the man raised his left hand to draw their attention to the remote detonator that he was still holding. "Interesting turnabout, but even if I do not deliver the duchess alive to the Separatists, I still win." His attention drifted back and forth, shooting the same maniacal grin at first Satine, then at Obi-Wan, and then back to Satine as he continued. "The second I'm away, I'll hit the remote and blow the Coronet to bits." As far as plans went, it was nigh worthless against any two average people. Against Satine and Obi-Wan, though…

"I will not allow that!"

"What will you do?" Merrik's grin widened as he met the duchess's eyes, holding her gaze as he slowly leaned closer and closer to the barrel of Satine's shaking blaster pistol. "If you shoot me, you prove yourself a hypocrite to every pacifist ideal you hold dear." Their eyes remained locked for a few more seconds and then Merrik was pulling away, turning to take a step closer to Obi-Wan's ignited lightsaber. "And you, Kenobi. You are no stranger to violence; you'd be hailed as a hero by everyone on the ship." Bringing his hands up to his mouth, Merrik let out a gasp followed by an insane little laugh, slowly turning his head to look back over at Satine. "…almost everyone." Oh Jesus Christ, he really was that hung up on Satine, wasn't he? Sure enough, both Satine's blaster and Obi-Wan's blade dipped a bit as Merrik took a step backward and spread his arms wide in challenge. "Come on, then. Who will strike first and brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?"

Ooh! She knew the answer to that question! Allowing herself to sink into the Force, Cordelia stepped out of the shadows and held out her left hand. The remote detonator was torn from Merrik's grip, spiraling through the air until it slapped against her palm. Fingers curling around the stubby cylinder as she pulled her hand back, Cordelia smirked as he turned to face her, giving him a few seconds to appreciate how truly fucked he was. Then she struck, twisting her hips before thrusting her right hand toward him, making a grasping gesture as a mnemonic as she lashed out with the Force as Palpatine had taught her. Or rather, in a way similar to what he had taught her; she was curious if Barriss was right about the nature of the Force and she doubted she'd get another chance any time soon to try this particular experiment.

There was no hate, no anger, no desire to cause pain and death. Just a simple recognition of what needed to be done, combined with a desire to protect the passengers of the Coronet from Merrik's scheme. It was essentially a lie, given that Cordelia had already disarmed him and could easily take him into custody, but she'd become quite adept at believing the lies she told herself. It made being a popular girl in high school so much easier. And evidently believing in a lie was good enough, because Merrik's hands flew to his throat as he let out a surprised gasp. Cordelia ignored Obi-Wan's shouted protests as she kept her attention on Merrik, closing the distance between them as she tightened her telekinetic grip, choking him harder before slowly lifting him into the air.

But as the second dragged by, Merrik's eyes getting wider and wider as his face began to slowly change colors, Cordelia found herself realizing that she really did not have it in her to do something like this. Oh, choking as a way to encourage compliance? She was down with that. Usually on the receiving end, as Hiskari was quite aware. But choking someone to death? It was obnoxiously slow, it left her incredibly vulnerable because of how much focus it required on her part, the noises he was making were probably going to give her nightmares… what was the point? And so she swung her arm wildly to the side, slamming him into the wall beside Satine with bone-cracking force before releasing him to crumple to the deck.

Closing her eyes, Cordelia took a few seconds to slow her breathing and gather her thoughts even as Satine let out a choked gasp, followed closely by the sound of her stolen blaster clattering to the floor. Her experiment had been a rousing success, Cordelia decided; chances were slim that she'd ever be called upon to choke someone to death and she now knew that if she had to act the part of Darth Someone after Dooku bit it and she got promoted, she could do so without drawing on the dark side. Nice. Maybe she could try her hand at throwing some light side Force lightning around later? Slowly reopening her eyes, Cordelia arched a brow imperiously in response to the horrified look Obi-Wan was sending her way. "You're welcome."

Obi-Wan's mouth worked soundlessly as he extinguished his lightsaber, his arm dropping to hang limply at his side. "I'm welcome? Cordelia, you just-"

"Saved the day?" Cordelia glanced down at Merrik's fallen form as an excuse to evade Obi-Wan's accusing stare before sniffing and turning on her heel, only to come up short at the sight of Anakin standing a few yards down the hallway with an uncertain but decidedly unfriendly expression on his face. Him, she didn't mind as much because… well, fuck him. Using her body to mask the gesture, she flipped him off with her right hand before turning and offering a parting comment to Obi-Wan. "I came out to save your girlfriend, and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now…"

"You were reckless, my… young… apprentice." Trailing off, Palpatine raised an eyebrow at the sight of a distinctly unimpressed Cordelia standing just inside his office doors with one arm around Hiskari's waist. "A worryingly frequent trend as of late, it appears."

Cordelia rolled her eyes before guiding Hiskari deeper into the chancellor's office, making her way over to her favorite seat and flopping down in it before dragging her girlfriend down onto her lap. "Oh please, we're a pair of nominal Jedi who have excessive amounts of sex, some of which is very kinky and includes the use of the Force. With how much time she spends three fingers deep inside my… mind… do you really think I have a single secret from Hiskari?"

Rather than reply, Palpatine took his seat across from them and eyed Hiskari inquisitively. "Mmm. And what do you have to say about who your paramour has chosen to ally herself with, young Jedi?"

"Not exactly thrilled, to be honest… but I'm hardly a model Jedi these days as it is. She's explained her reasons. Explained your plans. Explained what's coming. Having sparred with Dien'vi? I've decided that you two might be onto something. Not the elimination of the Jedi; I think that's a terrible idea, although I'm obviously a bit biased there. But… the galaxy as it stands wouldn't survive the population of Dien'vi's homeworld sweeping across it to say nothing of an entire civilization invading. Something needs to change if we're going to survive." Hiskari let that hang in the air for a few seconds before offering a faint smirk and making a flicking motion with her right hand. "I'd appreciate it if you could keep the Force lightning away from me, though. Cordelia prefers sushi to grilled fish."

The girls exchanged grins at that even as Palpatine looked profoundly confused, not that Cordelia expected otherwise. While the galaxy that she now called home had at least as many ways to serve raw fish as it did sapient species, not one of those species had come up with something quite like sushi. Cordelia was hanging onto that secret weapon for the day that she needed to make an exceptionally large purchase, like her own star cruiser or something. "In other words, she's not going to rat us out or try to kill you in the name of the Jedi or anything. If it's really bothering you, we can hash shit out later. Later as in not right this second, although it should be sooner rather than later in the grand scheme of things considering that I'm intending to tell the rest of the Valkyries at some point. Moving on, though… I'm possibly reckless but probably brilliant. I assume you're referring to the whole Force choke aboard the Coronet incident?" Palpatine nodded and Cordelia's grin widened. "That was the exact opposite of being reckless. That was me creating an alibi for any time I slip and use something that you teach me."

Various emotions cycled across Palpatine's face, eventually settling on an almost bemused disbelief. "The creativity of your excuses never fails to amuse me. Very well, you may attempt to explain yourself."

"Barriss Offee. Mirialan, recently knighted, healing prodigy, Potentium advocate… if you don't start nodding in comprehension soon, I'm going to be very upset because I spent a lot of time revising your people's file on her before I submitted her as a candidate for the Valkyrie Project?" Cordelia wasn't sure whether the soft 'ah' and nod that followed meant that Palpatine actually remembered who Barriss was or if he was just humoring her, but since she had more important things to do with her day than sit in his office… "It's widely known inside the Temple that her and I are very good friends who spend a decent amount of time together whenever I'm on Coruscant. She likes to go around preaching about how there's no light or dark side of the Force, just the Force and the intent of those that use it. That it doesn't matter how you use the Force so much as why you use the Force. Obi-Wan and Anakin were both there to witness things; when I'm inevitably hauled in front of the High Council, at least Obi-Wan will be honest enough to attest that I didn't touch the dark side the entire time. I managed to execute a light side-fueled Force choke… which is exactly in line with Barriss's beliefs."

Palpatine's expression slowly shifted from disdainful to contemplative as Cordelia laid out her thoughts. By the end, he looked begrudgingly approving. "While it is not what I would have done, you have become quite adept at pointing out why I should not do what I think I best as of late. The Mandalorian intervention, for instance, among several others. Strengthening a controversial faction of the Jedi Order in order to hide your own shift in allegiances is a cunning move, my young apprentice, one that may pay dividends in the future. With that said, I would caution you against displaying any other… concerning… abilities in public for the foreseeable future. Your fiction may prevent you from being condemned for your actions, but it would do little to explain where you are learning these things."

Suitably chastised, Cordelia bowed her head in submission for a few seconds before raising her eyes to meet his. "So, I'm assuming that you're not going to press for the Republic invasion of Mandalore or play the faked message for the Senate… the Death Watch assassins might not be a bad idea. Have you read my new plan for fixing things?"

"…yes." Picking up one of the datapads resting on his desk, Palpatine thumbed it on before turning it to face her. There were exactly two words on the screen: 'Do nothing'. "I believe that it will need a bit of work before we can put it into effect…"

Shrugging, Cordelia reached out with the Force and stole the datapad from his hand, amending her previous thought before floating it back to his hand. "Do nothing… at all. There. Better?" When Palpatine continued to look distinctly unimpressed with her, Cordelia sighed and rolled her eyes. "What? That's basically what I'm going to suggest you do. Have Dooku cut ties with the Death Watch and end his support before it even really begins; considering the Republic was talking about going in themselves, if Vizsla talks it'll surprise exactly nobody. Then we sit back and watch. Either Satine will grow a pair to survive this challenge, leading to the creation of a strong Mandalore that'll be useful when the Yuuzhan Vong arrive… or Vizsla will overthrow her and create a strong Mandalore that'll be equally as useful. Whoever wins, they'll still get absorbed into galactic society as a whole when the war ends and we benefit."

The galaxy would benefit even more if she could actually push Obi-Wan and Satine together, and convince him to found an 'Iron Jedi' on Mandalore in the same vein as Corellia's Green Jedi… but that wasn't relevant to this particular conversation.