Insecure Talent Chapter 20: Everything that I've remembered, a vampire diaries fanfic

Chapter twenty – Everything That I've Remembered

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Grab a box of tissues guys because this is going to be an emotional one, this chapter features mostly flashbacks and one part relating to suicide so just a heads up if that is a trigger. This is gonna be a roller-coaster chapter but I think that the tears will be a mix of relief and I don't know, what are those tears called when something has a bit of every emotion in? Hahaha! In every flashback there will also be a song so this is definitely a musical chapter! Also if anyone is interested I have done two new one-shots, one is Bamon and the other is Delena and they both have the 'T' rating. The Delena one was requested by 'Sorrybout'ya' who chose the theme in aid of being my 100th viewer on this fic so check them out if you like!

Oh yeah just an update on life I guess, I watched the new Avengers movie (Age of Ultron) and it was so frickin good, I'm hoping to see it again soon – I kinda missed Loki but I didn't expect him to be in to be honest, anyway – enjoy!

Oh and P.S I don't know if I ever made it clear but I'll just re-cap that Elena and Damon have a five year age gap and that Damon stopped hanging around with Elena when he was 17 (which I mentioned in one of my first chapters) so I can't really write in any sort of romantic chemistry considering Elena will be 12 or younger haha!

~~DE~~

It was the morning after Damon and Elena had finally slept together, Elena awoke with her head on Damon's naked chest her hair was sprawled across his muscled torso in thick brown wisps. She looked up to his sleeping face and thought that he looked so peaceful, maybe even a little younger – like a young boy again. She reached up to brush out a couple of raven locks of his own that were stuck to his forehead, Elena still felt concerned about Damon's health and seeing him lying there so peacefully made her want to cherish the moment for as long as she could.

Damon suddenly stirred and without opening his eyes began to speak in a husky morning voice "staring is rude, Elena."

Elena smirked "you look peaceful when you are asleep, but then again that could be just because you aren't talking."

Damon opened his eyes "it's too early to be sassing me Gilbert."

Elena giggled sweetly, "seeing you lying there made me want to take a picture..-"

"You better not have" he said cutting her suddenly more alert than he was a few minutes ago.

"Well I didn't, but it did remind me that I have something that I wanted to show you ages ago but alas drama ensued" she said as she began to leave the bed.

Damon hooked his arm around her waist, pulling her back "where do you think you and your sexy butt are going?"

"Damon, I need to get to my bag" she said as she wriggled out of his grasp with the sheets wrapped around herself.

Damon reluctantly let her go and she went to her bag, after rummaging around for a few minutes she finally pulled out what looked like a scrap book.

Elena returned to the bed and by now Damon was once again sitting up, she jumped in so that she was sat next to him and Damon thought that she looked like a Greek Goddess with the white sheets draped over her torso in a certain fashion.

"What's that?"

"Well, you remember that polaroid camera that my dad gave me?"

"Wow that was some time ago, yeah I remember, and we used to take pictures with it loads" Damon said smiling a little.

"Well I kept most of those pictures and I made a scrap book out of them, here look" Elena handed Damon the scrap book as she wriggled her way in next to him again.

Damon opened the first page and was already feeling overwhelmed by the memories washing by "Jesus Elena, this really does take me back" he said chuckling as he scanned the photo's carefully.

Elena giggled "that's because you're old."

"What did I tell you about sass?" He joked as he continued to flip the pages, there was so many memories that Damon could see in just a couple of photographs.

Damon flicked to a photo of Bonnie and Caroline on a stage full of lights "when was this?"

"It was Bonnie and Caroline's first gig, it was when they first got recognised."

April 15th 2007

"Elena, you can do an act too come on please you're great at singing!" Caroline was practically begging her friend to perform an act in the state talent show .

"No Care, I think I'll just let you and Bonnie into the lime light on this one don't worry you'll do great."

Sweat was covering Bonnie's palms, she could see how busy it was out in the crowd and started to feel a little nervous now herself "I think I might throw up."

Caroline turned to look at Bonnie "seriously? Come on! This is going to be a great experience, let's live in the in the now and just go for it!"

"Caroline and Bonnie in their act – Silver Spectrum!"

Caroline took a deep breath and smiled whilst Bonnie visibly shivered "good luck girls" Elena praised as they stepped out onto the stage.

The crowd must have been of about two thousand and Bonnie thought she was about to throw up, Caroline on the other hand couldn't wait to begin and as the music started she let it consume her.

I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong
To crash the critic saying, "Is it right or is it wrong?"
If only fame had an I.V., baby could I bear
Being away from you, I found the vein, put it in here

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me
The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights out)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)

(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

I've overheard your theory "nostalgia's for geeks"
I guess sir, if you say so, some of us just like to read
One second I'm a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me
Pop culture was in art, now art's in pop culture in me

Touch, touch
Touch, touch now
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo
Ooh-ooh

I live for the applause, applause, applause
I live for the applause-plause
Live for the applause-plause
Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me.
The applause, applause, applause

(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Make it real loud
(A-P-P-L-A-U-S-E) Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

A-R-T-P-O-P

A man was looking on in the audience with a smug smile on his face, his name was Carl Du'mont and he knew that he was going to make these two super stars.

Present

"Do you ever think that if you had gone up on that stage that you would have become famous like them?"

Elena sighed "maybe, but it's not exactly like my confidence is sky high and that I'm always living in the past and regretting it, sure I do think about it but then Bonnie and Caroline might now have been noticed and then that wouldn't have been fair."

Damon shook his head "it's not too late if you want to give fame a try."

Elena smiled "that's sweet but I think I'm pretty happy where I am right now."

Damon returned her smile with his own then continued to flick through as landed on a picture of them both covered in head to toe with snow "1998? What were we, teenagers then?"

Elena laughed "that was a good day, it was boxing day."

December 26th 1998

"Elena Gilbert, you can run but you can't hide!" Damon shouted as he bounced through the snow trying to find Elena who was running as fast as she could.

"Gotta keep up Salvatore!" She shouted back as she tried to gather a big heap of snow to throw at him.

Damon smirked to himself as he watched her jump behind some trees to hide herself from him, Damon snuck around the back of the tree so that she wouldn't see him. Elena peeked out when to see where he was then leaned out a little more when she couldn't see any trace of him, confused she walked out a little more giving him the perfect opportunity to pelt her with snow.

Damon jumped out which made Elena jump and caused her to scream as Damon ruthlessly covered her with snow "who's gotta keep up now?" He taunted to her laughing as she struggled in the deep snow.

Elena huffed and pulled Damon's leg causing him to lose his balance and fall on top of her which made them both erupt with laughter.

There was an obvious connection between the two teens and yet neither of them could decipher what that crackle of tension was, after a couple more minutes of just laying there Damon offered his hand to Elena and they both stood up "hot chocolate?" She offered.

Damon smirked and raised his eyebrow "depends if I get to see Jeremy or not."

Elena punched his arm playfully "coming out of the closet are we?"

"You wish" he taunted as he slung his arm casually over her shoulder.

They walked towards the Gilbert house together and the minute they stepped onto the porch the unmistakable sound of the song 'Little Lies' by Fleetwood Mac was blaring through the window "looks like your mum's home huh?" Damon commented as Elena pushed the door open.

She had a smile on her face "my mum loves Stevie Nicks" she said as they both made their way into the kitchen.

If I could turn the page
In time then I'd rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies

Damon was watching Elena prepare the hot chocolate's and couldn't help himself from letting his mind stray to a dark place, he was newly turned seventeen and Elena was twelve. The guys at school were starting to make fun of him for hanging out with a girl so young, not that he cared what those shit heads really thought but it was bugging him with how young Elena was and yet he could stab himself for thinking this but he did see her as maybe more than just a sister.

Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
Although I'm not making plans
I hope that you understand there's a reason why
Close your, close your, close your eyes
No more broken hearts
We're better off apart let's give it a try
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
If I could turn the page
In time then I'd rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes
But I couldn't find a way
So I'll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can't disguise
(You can't disguise, no you can't disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(Tell me, tell me lies)

Present

"Those were the good days" Damon said smiling a little, he turned to see Elena with what looked like a forced smile on her face "didn't you enjoy those times Elena?"

"Yeah I did, it's just that's the last year that you and I were really friends for" she said honestly, not seeing the point in lying.

Damon nodded his head "I'm sorry about the way that I treated you after that Elena, I was a stupid teen and to be honest I didn't really know what I wanted."

Elena put her hand over Damon's "at the time our age difference seemed massive and I suppose it would seem weird you hanging out with a twelve year old – I'm just lucky that we stayed friend's at all to be honest."

Damon pulled Elena into his side "I will admit that it was difficult but I shouldn't have left our reunion for this long."

Elena was thinking about the times that Damon wasn't there when she felt that she really did need him, she could remember one night in 2006 when she almost lost it all "sometimes I really did miss you Damon."

"I know, and I'm sorry baby" Damon said true fully.

August 12th 2006

"How the hell did I get here?" Elena asked herself out loud as she sat down in her apartment, tears streaming down her face and a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels by her left side, clutched in her palm.

It was the anniversary of her parent's death "August 12th 2000, R.I.P Mr and Mrs Gilbert, R.I.P Mrs Salvatore" she said again as she raised the bottle in a clumsy fashion spilling a few drips then taking a long sip.

Elena closed her eyes that were stinging from the running mascara and let out a sob "Jesus Christ Damon, why aren't you here? I needed you God dammit! Everyone has left me, I have nothing and now you're out becoming a pop star and you've left me with a broken heart like everyone else!"

She cried out louder and took another drink, her body was hunched up against her dresser "I don't know where my brother is and my best friend's have no idea what today is, they always forget but you, you never forgot and yet where are you?!"

Elena sniffled and took another drink "but it doesn't matter anymore because after this I will be forever numb!" She called out saluting nothing.

Hallelujah was playing softly in the background on an old stereo.

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music do you
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

She looked up at the stereo and saw the awaiting bottle of pills that she had been to take on this day, they were depressants – strong ones prescribed to herself when she first started cutting.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

She reached up and grabbed the bottle of pills, as she sat back down the dusty coloured carpet she looked down at her sleeveless arms, fresh wounds were shining brightly from where she had started cutting just a few weeks before.

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight over through ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

She had already gone on six years without them, and now she wouldn't have to go on a minute more. Her brother was allowed to cope with drugs at the time and all he got was attention not that he wanted it, and what did Elena get? 'How's your brother doing? Poor boy! You must be so strong.'

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor (you know)
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

But she wasn't strong, she was only weak and alone – and this was the only way to solve the problem. Elena popped open the cap on the orange tub and tipped the pills out onto her hand, a couple landing on the floor.

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

Elena took the first pill with a swig of the Jack Daniels easily enough, then she took the second without even batting an eyelid. She took down an extra gulp then drank down another pill then another, she held the fifth in her hand and just in her eye line was a picture it had her family and Salvatore's – all at a founder's ball.

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

"What are you looking at!?" She screamed at the picture, she tried to take the fifth pill and found that she couldn't. She threw the bottle across the room shattering it into pieces and let out a painful cry "how did I get here?"

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Present

Elena shuddered, she had vowed to never go there again "you know that we have to get up soon right? So how everyone is doing, see how Stefan is doing" she reminded him.

Damon nodded "we can't dwell on the past and Stefan knows that, he'll be okay Elena – he's been through a lot and we can't expect him to get up and start doing back flips right now but he'll be okay."

Elena turned to look at him "I trust that you know best, but I also need you to care for yourself Damon because your health is pretty shitty itself."

Damon chuckled "I think that we can agree that none of us are exactly doing back flips huh?"

Elena smiled "come on you idiot, let's get up stuff to do and whatever!"

Damon pulled her in for a quick kiss "I love you Elena."

"I love you too Damon" she said against his lips sweetly.

October 21st 2009

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

Stefan was practising his vocals for the band, although he wasn't front man it didn't mean that he didn't like to warm up a little every now and then. He was strumming along on his guitar and wasn't aware of Rebekah peeping in through the crack of the door.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

Rebekah was listening fascinated, although she had heard the band plenty of times because her brothers were after in it she had never heard Stefan Salvatore sing before. She marvelled at the beauty of his voice and his soft strums.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Rebekah wasn't quite so sure about what was compelling her to listen, she was in the Salvatore house because her brother Nik had wanted to talk to Damon about some things to do with the band. She wasn't even supposed to be upstairs, she had been looking for a glass of water and went to get one from downstairs but then realised that she had left her cup upstairs from before and her OCD wouldn't let her get a new one.

"Fools," said I, "You do not know –
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you.
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

Oh how she had accidentally stumbled across the path of an angel, it saddened her that when Nik was done conversing with his friend that she would have to fly back to England, Rebekah had met Stefan before she liked him – even more so now.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence.

Rebekah couldn't wait until Nik was famous enough to have world tours, because she couldn't feel more blessed to have stumbled upon this unknown talent.

A/N: Ahh oh my God, I know it's been like over a month! My excuse; my laptop broke and I had to get a new charger so I sincerely apologise to anybody who was desperately waiting. So no other characters really in this chapter, I suppose I just wanted to give you guys a break from the drama that Katherine had caused so yeah I suppose this chapter was pretty much a filler but I enjoyed writing it and did anyone tear up in the Elena bit? Maybe even the last bit with Rebekah? If you listen to the songs trust me, you won't know what to think haha!

Songs; Applause by Lady Gaga, Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac, Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen & The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.