Fifth position, time four
Finally…
That's what Danny thinks when they drive off, Dougie and him, to spend a week away. Danny suggested Disneyland and you should have seen Dougie's face! Like a three years old kid to whom you say he is going to live with Santa Claus. Of course, Dougie asked numerous times if Danny didn't prefer to go on this trip with Elliot or Corey. Those three barely talk anymore so…
When the word went out that Danny Jones would abandon the week of parties and freedom that was offered to students to go away with a guy that everyone thought was gay, rumors spreaded like wildfire and, wherever he went, Dougie was hearing stuff, getting insults and listening to insinuations… well, those insinuations were true but he would never betray Danny like that. The brunette wasn't getting any, he was just avoiding questions. Nobody dared to ask stuff directly to him, or laugh, they reserved that to Dougie.
But… no thinking about all that for them both this week. They will be out of town, out of the state… time to relax and be themselves.
"Will I be able to hold your hand in the streets?" demands Danny when they finally get out of El Paso by the highway.
"You're not scared of people lurking?"
"Are you?"
"I asked first…" smirks Dougie. He lays his head on the back of the seat and let's the warm hair hit his face. They opened the top, thinking a road trip called for bad hair.
"Well, there will always be people looking and thinking we are nuts… So if I start to really care about each and every one of them, I am bound to desperation, aren't I?"
Danny smiles to Dougie, extending a hand to take his fingers. The blonde lets him bring both their hands on the shifting handle and they remain silent a moment.
"You tired from your audition?" demands the brunette. Dougie nods, eyes closed. "At least, you did amazing." The blonde chuckles softly.
His audition was yesterday and Danny had been more nervous than him about. He kept asking questions and looking at the time and, when they arrived at the community center where the people of the dance school held the audition, Danny shrank in his seat at the sight of the line of people there, waiting..
"It's the best dance school in the US, Danny" had laugh Dougie. "What did you expect?"
"You're not scared?"
"Shitless."
"Doesn't look like it."
"Emotion hiding, I learned that early" had replied Dougie with a sigh.
"I know, baby" mumbled Danny, leaning forward his boyfriend. They were an hour away from home and it was the first time they kissed when someone else could see them. It was different than in a bedroom.
"I just can't believe there will do that in every state…" had said Danny again.
"Only the bests." Dougie had send a tape with a solo a long time ago, before he came to Danny's, when he was still in juvi. He had the permission to get outside and film with a bad camera and send it. He thought that would cost him an invitation but no, he had an e-mail, just before Christmas. He had been among the five thousands applicants to get an invitation to the state audition. Him and five hundred others.
"It will all be perfect" had smiled Danny, perking up. "Right?"
"Right, big baby" had chuckled Dougie. "I just need to do so well I will get offered a scholarship…"
Danny had grunted. That wouldn't be easy. But hey, he had seen Dougie's solo and it was… so so so good… so perfect, so intense, so… him. He just poured his heart into it, the cracks, the holes and the nightmares. Danny, watching him, had fought an urge to cry. He had realized that there was this whole part of Dougie that would never heal, no matter what he did. But he didn't know how big was this side of him.
Dougie had gone out of the car after a last kiss and entered the big building, followed by a black haired girl.
"Is that your boyfriend, in the jeep?" she had asked.
For the first time, Dougie had said the truth: "Yeah, it is."
"He's hot. I like brunettes."
The girl had smiled to Dougie, following him to the registration table. There were about sixty other dancers waiting, stretching. Now, Dougie was nervous. He wished Danny could have come inside with him. As he was waiting for his turns, he had thought about what the girl had asked and what he had replied. Yes, Danny was his boyfriend, yes he was really, really happy about that but… There was something… something wrong. And it wasn't coming from Danny's side, Dougie knew that. It's just that… their whole relationship… it was bound to end at some point. They were too different. Danny was bright and seeing the good in everything and everyone and him, Dougie, was as dark as night, he had no trust in people, no strength in his heart for another betrayal. He was too scared and Danny wasn't scared enough.
When won't those moments in the bedroom be enough anymore? When will Danny get tired of secrecy and Dougie's clouded eyes? When will he want to be normal again and go back to a girl?
Dougie had tried to put those thoughts out of his mind but it hadn't work very well. Maybe that's why he felt that his solo performance was the best yet. When he had been done, the judge, seated with two woman had wanted to chat a bit with him. And he asked: "Where did you get that black eye?"
Dougie had hesitated, opting for the truth. "Highschool isn't easy for a guy that dances…"
The woman had looked sympathetic. "I didn't fight" had said Dougie. "It's just… it's mostly because of who I love." Blushing, he had looked at his feet, thinking of Danny, probably biting his nails to blood in his pricy jeep and how, before, he would never have talk about his homosexuality. He was slowly getting over his shame of it… Because of Danny.
"You hurt somewhere else?" had demanded the man and Dougie had lifted his shirt to show his ribs, the bruise there. "You danced with that?"
"It's not broken, I promise" had said Dougie hastily. "It's just a bruise from a kick and…" He had shrugged, embarrassed.
"Your solo was very impressive" said a woman.
"Best we have seen in a long time" added the man, nodding.
"And knowing you are so resilient to pain is a good point for you" continued the other woman. "I see here you are asking for a scholarship… I will put a good word in your favor, young man. You deserve it very much."
With misty eyes and a thank you, Dougie had walked to the back of the stage. He couldn't wait to tell Danny all that!
"Mister Poynter" had called the man just before Dougie left. "Highschool doesn't last forever. Stand tall."
Dougie had run to the jeep. Danny saw him from the distance, he was seated on the hood. He slid down and caught Dougie in his arm. He was very worried. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Then, Dougie had lifted his face. He had a huge bright smile in his face, watery eyes and he was almost shaking. "I think I got in. I won't know for sure until they are finished with the audition tour and… but I… I think I got in, they said I was one of the best!"
"Here?"
"Everywhere!" Dougie had laugh through his tears, oblivious for once to the fact that he was held by a guy in front of a lot of people, that he was acting so childishly and that the guy, Danny, was lifting his chin with a finger to kiss him. He let him, he was so relieved!
Dougie blinks a few times and is blinded by light coming right at him from the windshield. Danny turns his head to him, and grins: "welcome back, sleepy head."
"Shit, how long did I sleep?" groggily asks Dougie.
"A few hours but it's fine… I am just really hungry now."
"But it's two PM! We left at six, it's not a few hours!"
Danny starts to laugh, extends a hand to caress Dougie's neck. "You needed it apparently. Plus, I like watching you sleep."
"It's creepy…"
"It's not" laughs Danny again. "You are so beautiful when you sleep…"
"You're always beautiful" replies Dougie with a soft smile.
They soon stopped to eat in Gonzales San Antonio and then took the road again. At around 11 PM, Danny declared his eyes were too tired to drive anymore and the sun was definitely not shining anymore. They were in the middle of Louisiana already. They found a motel and settled in for the night.
"I brought a gift for you" said Dougie. "Well, for me too…" Curious, Danny approaches. Dougie throws a lube bottle on the bed. Danny smirks. When the blonde send a condom box his way, he blushes.
"You sure?"
"All this requires time at first… At… With your parents and sisters upstairs, that felt weird to… you know, think about it…"
"We won't get interrupted here" grins Danny. He remembers all too well that time where they were going down on each other and Leslie barged on the door, making they jump so high Dougie fell off the bed. Talk about a boner killer…
"You should wear it" says Dougie, holding a condom to Danny.
"You sure?" he asks again. "You said you've never done it."
"I've never done it, I swear, it's just… Have you ever had fingers up there?"
"What? No!"
"I like it" mumbles a blushing Dougie. "So… I'm pretty sure that'd feel great with you inside of… inside of me, you know…"
"I can't wait" sigh Danny.
"Then why are you doing with pants on?" grins the other.
Later on, Danny is holding his member in his hand and looks at Dougie, laying on his back.
"Guide me, OK?" he whispers. The blonde nods and Danny slowly pushes his head in. Dougie flinches, this is way bigger than two fingers. "Sorry" mumbles Danny.
Around him, it feels so tight, so warm. When Dougie tells him he can push himself in a bit more, he is ever so happy to oblige. God, it feels good. Danny has to remember himself to look at Dougie, to be sure he isn't too hurt. The blonde is breathing in deeply, eyes closed, slowly stroking himself.
"Go on… I'm fine." Danny obeys, starts a back and forward motion. "God…" lets out Dougie after a moment. "Oh my…"
Danny smiles a little, moving his hips. Dougie's legs are folded in his back, he is caressing his sides and he looks so abandoned… Danny leans forward to kiss him. Soon enough, movements get frantic and sloppy. Dougie feels himself coming without being able to hold it back. Danny's name rolls out of his mouth. The brunette, feeling the blonde's wall clench around him can't take it any longer. He buries his face in Dougie's neck as he holds him tight and lets him ride his orgasm.
When he is able to breath again, Danny rolls on his side, takes off the now full condom, wraps it with tissues and feels Dougie curling next to him after he dropped it in the bin.
"That was amazing…" murmurs Danny.
"So amazing… I love having sex with you… It's so different…"
"Different? How?"
The blonde shrugged. Danny sensed him tense on his side, he probably didn't mean to say that and to get questioned about it.
"Will you tell me one day?" demands Danny. "Seems like a big deal to me…"
"It's just… It's not my best move ever and I…" Dougie sighs, turning away.
"You what?"
"Let's not ruin the night, please?" he pleads, eyes full of tears. "I don't want to talk about it and I don't want you to hate me."
"I could never hate you… Won't it make you feel better to share it?''
''Not with you'' replies Dougie with a sad chuckle.
''Why not?'' Danny frowns.
The blonde turns on his side, sighing. He really doesn't want to talk about it, not to Danny. Not to anyone. He is ashamed of what he did, even though he had no other choice. He doesn't want Danny's vision of him to change. Dougie has the feeling that, with him, he is a nice person, a person that has a shot at a normal life… He wants it to stay that way… But, if he doesn't tell, won't his boyfriend think he doesn't love him enough?
Dougie sighs again, getting on his back, eyes to the ceiling and says: ''Ten bucks for a handjob, twenty for a blowjob…'' He lets the information sink in in Danny and when the other mumbles a « oh no… » under his breath, Dougie resumes: ''I was just fourteen, homeless and I couldn't work, they would track me down and bring me back to a Youth Center or something… I was mad at Helena for leaving me, I was mad at… at everything. Me and some other kids, we would go next to gay bars and offer services. They always made fun of me because I didn't want to suck guys, I was almost always offering handjobs… I needed to eat, Danny…'' finishes Dougie, looking at him.
The brunette extends a hand to touch his chest, strokes it a little. ''I know, baby, I know… Have you ever… been… you know…''
''No, I swear'' replies Dougie, sitting up. ''I just… There was snow and it was cold and I needed a place to stay and you had to pay for a bed so I… I had to go over my fear and I… I did more blowjobs. I let people do it to me, I would just zone out and wait until my body said it was over but I… I hated it but there was nothing else I could do. Some guys got fucked and all but I would rather die in the snow like I should have when I was six than let someone do that to me…''
Dougie rubs his fists over his eyes. Danny would like to ask about that last piece of information but he decides that it's enough. His boyfriend didn't want to tell and yet he did, Danny should respect that. He can't deny that it's painful to think about a younger Dougie, a lost Dougie, alone, cold and hungry, doing those things, getting a bill and running with it but… it's all in the past… How he wished he had known him sooner!
''They caught me a year later'' finishes the blonde. ''They send me to juvi again, for a year and a half this time. Because I stole and did… and because I did prostitution…''
Danny slides on the mattress, until he is close to Dougie. He tries to take his head in his hands but the other won't let him. He wipes his eyes hastily, clears his throat.
''I love you, Doug…'' The other's head snaps up and Danny smiles, knowing that would work. ''I still love you as much as before, maybe more…''
''Danny, stop…''
''One day, you'll have to believe me, Dougie.''