It Takes One to Raise One

Well, I was engaged. And pregnant. And honestly, pretty fucking happy considering the fact that I was going to be growing out of my costume soon. I wasn't thinking about the whole 'I'm going to get fat and ugly' thing that I've always heard starts to obsess pregnant woman. Maybe it was just because I'd only known I was pregnant for a few hours but I didn't think so. I viewed my body as a machine. So I'd never been upset when I'd started building muscles that most other girls didn't have and it changed my body shape. And I'd never been obsessed with being pencil thin. Healthy, yes. Tiny? No. So since the changes involved in pregnancy were natural, they didn't bother me.

Okay, I'm kind of full of shit. No one is completely happy with their body. They should be, but they never are. I'll confess that I've occasionally wished my boobs weren't quite so tiny. Not when I was fighting or anything, because then the damn things would probably just get in the way. But when I wore a dress or some fancy lingerie, well, it would be nice to have a bit more up top.

You know, being pregnant might just give me those boobs, at least temporarily….. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. You know, be careful what you wish for?

You may have noticed that I tend to focus on the little things. And I may have noticed you noticing…. So stop starting at my boobs…

Anyway, Dave and I were properly dressed now and Miranda had dropped Bethany back off with us about an hour ago. I'd meant to tell her about the baby as soon as she got here but discovered that I didn't really know how to start the conversation. Would Bethany be happy for us? Or would she feel like Dave, the baby, and I would become a family and she'd be left out in the cold? I had this odd feeing I should run out to the bookstore and buy a bunch of parenting books. But you know me. I'm not a patient person.

Dave and I sat down on the couch and asked Bethany to join us. She tried to snuggle in between us but I had her sit across from us so we'd be able to see her reactions. I resisted starting the conversation with something like "We need to have a talk" and just dove right in by holding out my finger with the engagement ring on it. "What do you think?" I asked.

"Pretty!" Exclaimed Bethany, pulling on my hand and bending it in different directions so the diamond would sparkle in the light. "Can I wear it sometimes?"

"No, Bethany. This ring is just for me. It's an engagement ring. It means I'm going to be getting married."

"Who to?" asked Bethany guilelessly.

"Who do you think?" I asked.

"Todd?" Bethany shot back with a grin.

Dave just started laughing at that so I punched him in the arm to make him stop. "No. Dave asked me to marry him."

"And you said yes right away? I mean, you didn't decide to wait a while and see if you got any better offers?" Said Bethany.

"Who else would crazy enough to…" was all Dave managed to get out before he collapsed back into laughter.

"I said yes. The wedding will probably be soon but we don't quite know when yet. Do you want to be part of the wedding?" I asked her. I hoped it was a good place to start. Every little girl wants to be a flower girl in a wedding at some point. Well maybe not all, but most… Heck, even I dreamed about it a few times and look at how screwed up my upbringing had been.

"Yeah! Can I be the objector?" she asked.

"The what?" was about as clever as my reply managed to be.

"Well, the person who does the marry'in always says that 'if any one objects, speak now or forever hold your piece'. Well, I want to be the person who gets to object!"

"Umm, we don't want anyone to object…" I sputtered.

"Oh! Okay. Can I be the person who beats up whoever objects then?" asked Bethany.

I began to realize I was losing control of the conversation. Dave was of no use. Tears of laughter were streaming down his face at this point as he tried to stop laughing long enough to breathe. Admittedly, it didn't help that I hadn't stopped smacking him since he'd started and each hit seemed to be even funnier to him than the previous one had. "How about if you be the flower girl?" I suggested.

Bethany thought about it. "If you want me to, I can. Can I go color now?"

I went slightly purple at that so Dave took a deep breath, got a hold of himself, and took over the conversation.

"We do want you to, Bethany. We want you to be a part of the wedding because we want you to be part of our new family. It will be Daddy…" he indicated himself. "Mommy" he indicated me. "Big sister.." he indicated Bethany.

It took Bethany a minute to process that and realize what it meant. "You mean you knocked her up?" Bethany shouted.

"Not the words I'd use, but yes." Dave replied smoothly.

"You do know what condoms are, right?" Bethany asked.

This time Dave went purple and I decided it was my turn to talk again. "We do. But I'm pregnant. And so, in addition to being a flower girl in the wedding, we want to officially ask you to be a big sister to the little jelly bean growing in my tummy. How does that sound?"

"Okay. Now can I go color?" Bethany replied.

"Sure." I said and then watched her wander off.

"That didn't quite go the way I expected it to." I confessed to Dave.

He shook his head, obviously bewildered. "Me either. Maybe it will just take her time to accept it."

And that was exactly it. Over the next few weeks, Bethany started to warm up to the idea of being a big sister. And then it was like someone flipped a switch and she suddenly began to talk about it incessantly. She'd ask what big sisters were supposed to do, what the first thing she said to the baby should be, and what she should do if the baby wanted to smoke a cigarette… We explained that big sisters took care of their loved their little sisters, that she could say anything she wanted except for cursing, and that we were most definitely going to have a non-smoking baby. It didn't seem to matter how many questions we had answered, she just came up with more. And she was so serious about them. It was as if all of these things had to be decided today and I wasn't even showing yet. Bethany had some funny ideas about the things she now needed to worry about. She even asked us if we thought we should raise the baby Jewish. I asked her if she even knew what Jewish was and she admitted that she didn't but still strongly felt that we had to assign a yes or a no to that question before we could have lunch. Not being Jewish, I went with no. Dave and I just listened to her and gave what answers we could whenever she was willing to listen to us. And we tried not to laugh when the questions got too absurd because for whatever reason, this is how she needed to process the changes that were going on around her. And we were happy to see her getting excited.

Miranda had also been pushing that she wanted to hold a wedding shower for Dave and I. It had started out as just being a bridal shower, but that would have meant that Miranda, Bethany, and I would have been the only ones there. I'd suggested that the three of us just go out for pizza at that point but Miranda wasn't having any of that. So she'd expanded it into a gathering of all of our friends, male or female. Once she'd come up with that idea, I'd tried to push that we just wrap in the baby shower as well and get all of this foolishness behind us. Dave and I had money, we didn't actually need any presents from our friends. But Miranda said no. The baby shower had to happen much closer to when the baby was due. Finally, I just gave in and let her plan whatever she wanted.

Who knew that getting engaged and knocked up involved so many social obligations?