Title: just not myself while you're away
Disclaimer: not my characters; just for fun. Title from "Where've You Been" performed by Kathy Mattea.
Pairings: John/Mary
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 200
Point of view: third
Notes: part of my Dean canon
John wishes he could talk about Mary, could tell her boys about their mother. But the words hurt too much, get stuck in his throat, choke him. It'd peel back the scab to talk about her, so he doesn't.
Dean has a few memories, John knows. Scant rememberings that can't possibly do Mary justice. And Sammy has nothing of her at all but what Dean tells him.
John wishes he could describe her laugh, her smile, her scent—hell, even the way her anger burned bright for a few minutes then fading away.
Dean has her temper, unable to stay angry for long. Dean has so much of Mary it hurts, sometimes.
She loved horses, Mary. John was going to buy her one for their fifteenth anniversary, a Morgan mare. And she'd already talked about getting Dean a horse for his tenth birthday.
Horses shouldn't be alone, Johnny, she'd told him. They don't accept humans into their herd, not like dogs. So we can't get just one.
John would have bought her the moon, if she'd wanted it. He wishes his boys could feel that complete surrender to another soul.
Of course, watching Dean with Sam… maybe Dean already does.