Chapter Twenty!!

As I approach this milestone, the only thought I have is, "Wow...I've written a lot."

Well, please review!!!!

Neji: Keep on wishing.

Me: Pessimistic much?!

Neji: Whatever.

Me: (sucks thumb)

Neji: ...

Me: Wead and rewiew!! (I actually put my thumb in my mouth and said it to see what it sounded like! XD)

Neji:...You're not much of a optimist, either... (inches away)

Sakura

- 9:08 -

I hug him, feeling extremely awkward. His body tenses, and then relazes, his face black in the shadows. We stay there for a few more seconds...

And then it comes so fast I don't move - I know it's an accident, my foot slips - where does Hinata buy her shoes?! - and he turns his face two inches swiftly, obviously concerned, but -

Hinata

I rush out, the most idiotic person alive. Blindly I walk, trying to sort out my emotions, to no degree of coherence. Where's Sakura? I need to meet her, need to hurry up and get this ordeal over with. How did you think you could pull it off? Then, it doesn't matter. At least it's over - another part of my stupid, embarrassing life is over. Who cares about friendships? Who cares about - about more than friendships? It's not worth it!

The only light reflects off of the main gate. She's there...maybe she's done by now. Well, I'm going to tell her I'm done. She should be finished saying bye...

Sakura

...Our lips touch.

Hinata

They're kissing. I swear, what the O.O!

What the hell is she doing?! My stomach churns, and I grab a nearby treetrunk for support. The world tilts, up, down. I throw up, more out of shock than disgust. When it's over I taste the horrible bitterness in my mouth, and I lean heavily against the tree, wiping my mouth violently.

Sakura, you slut!

She's in MY FORM right now! I cough, my jaw clenching so hard I can just feel my teeth break. My eyes sting.

NO!!

I won't stay silent! I won't! I WILL tell her that she's a sick, twisted person with a sick, twisted mind! HOW COULD SHE -

"Hinata...bye." It's his soft voice. Kiba's.

I can't look at you, Kiba! It's not me, god! I wouldn't do that, Kiba...you have...the - the wrong impression.

I thought I liked you. And I do! I do, too much.

But that doesn't help things...it's too fast, the world is whirring by, my hair swaying helplessly against the brutal wind.

I see myself - Hinata Hyuuga - as Kiba rushes off. The fake Hinata. He left her, Sakura, with a smile, that soft, faint smile.

He left me feeling as if my heart has been ripped into smithereens.

Sakura

Just like that, it's over...I can't believe...but yes...I wish that moment could last forever...

Hinata

As soon as Sakura un-transforms and starts to leave, I jump to my chance.

"What the HELL were you THINKING, you whore?!!!"

She's confused, but then her face turns red, even under her makeup. "You saw! That's so perverted!"

I get right into her face. "You're the slut! How could you?!"

"Hey, whoa!" She holds up her hands and gives me a pointed glare. "He kissed me first!"

"You kissed him back!!"

Once again her befuddlement turns into rage. "So what!" she yells, making me madder than ever, "Do you REALIZE how LUCKY you are?" Her hands clench. "How lucky that I didn't push him away? How are you upset about that, anyway?!"

"GOD, SAKURA!" I scream back, glad that she's stunned by my anger. Good - it's time she got to meet the real me! - "You just don't understand, do you? Since you're SAKURA and not HINATA, and now he's gonna get the wrong impre - "

Her eyes bulge. I can't believe I ever thought that the shade of green was pretty, "If you're upset, that means you DON'T LIKE HIM! Well - " Her shoulders heave angrily, "I'LL have him for a boyfriend then! You're a two-faced, conceited O.O who doesn't think of how I feel!

You don't deserve him! You're just a - "

I scream back, not fearing consequences, lead by a flash of madness, "And you don't deserve SASUKE!"

Silence falls suddenly, though her mouth is still open, her eyes still furious. I'm aware that I only feel rage, anger, nothing else, no tears, no disappointment. Only enhilaration. Enraged.

"O-okay then," she hisses, her voice trembling with venom. Somehow it's much creepier than when she shrieked her pretty little head off, "Mind you, I don't care if I have Kiba. I have the tendency to be grateful, you know! And I don't care anymore, not anymore, if you have Sasuke."

"Fine! I - I don't care either!" I can't show my weakness, that every ounce of my brain is screaming "Stop! You'll regret this!" My conscience shatters, drowns, and I plunge forward hastily, "I don't like Kiba that way!"

She smirks suddenly, apparently satisfied. A coldness envelopes my heart. What am I getting myself in to now?

"I'll be sure to tell him when he gets back. I'll be sure to tell him everything that happened." She smiles again, smugly.

I hate her.

I hate her.

"Promise?"

I can't show that I am afraid. I can't. "Yes."

"Fine, then. and you can't go back on your word, Hinata."

"Fine!" I'll show her. My fists clench, then unclench. I'll get revenge!

She leaves.

It's ten o'clock now and I'm sitting under the tree that I always train on. A kunai rests near me; I plunge it into the ground, my hand and arm shaking.

It's ironic...

A tear falls before I can wipe it away.

It's rather ironic...

Three hours ago I was best friends with Ino. And friends with Sakura. With two relationships...Sasuke...and Kiba...

And now? inquires a voice in my head, sounding startingly close to Ino's.

I shut my eyes, but tears keep falling.

Now? Now?

It's gone. All gone.

November 9, Year of the Crescent Moon

I am dreaming...

Someone holds me, safely, snugly. I'm happy, content. This feeling is shocking. I haven't felt happiness in...what seems like a millenium.

That someone's breath is sweet, and his head rests on my hair. There's a cool breeze...and then suddenly I felt cold, freezing.

"Kiba belongs to me!" It was a girl's voice, one that suspicously sounded like Sakura's.

Then Ino... "Sasuke belongs to ME! Don't take him away!"

And TenTen's voice, "Neji is MINE!"

I wake up then, covered in cold sweat. Something glacial touches my skin and I blink. It's the kunai.

I don't like them like that...

Kiba is my friend...Sasuke is my partner, just an acquiantance...and Neji is my cousin. Definitely not. But what about Kiba? And Sasuke? You can't lie, Hinata...you can't lie from the truth. What you're feeling inside.

Then I jump up; realization hits me. School! I'm late! I won't even consider brushing my teeth or washing my face - they're at my house, Hanabi's house. I can't even comprehend why I'd go there.

And I know there are multiple dark circles, contrasting sharply with my pale eyes. I always have tehm when I worry...

Memories fade back, from gray to color, to life, and tear pour in without warning.

Kiba...

I run out of the training grounds, hearing the birds cheep happily at winter. They're not bluebirds; that's for sure. The snow is already melting, and I'm forced to remember the happy times; laughing as Kiba pelts me with a snowball, as we pummel Rock Lee and his mentor to the ground...

A smile rushes to my face unthinkingly, even though the tears are still running.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I arrive at school, sweating, panting -

The school is dark. No lights. No one.

Only when I see that the door is closed, locked, do I realize that it's Sunday.

I sigh, inwardly extremely glad, and turn back.

I feel like the biggest idiot in the whole, wide, freaking world. I slowly start back to the training grounds, resolving to spend the whole day there, not interacting, not talking, to anyone. Not a single soul.

When I set foot onto the grass, though, a voice automatically growls, "You're bothering me."

"Huh?" I crane my neck; sure enough, there's a person lying on the hills, facing the clouds.

So who is it??

GUESS!!

I'll give you ten seconds!

One...

Two...

Three...fourfivesixseveneightnineten!! Time is up!

Just kidding. I'll tell you anyway. I'm not good at cliffies!

"Shikamaru?"

He doesn't turn around. "Judging by how you step," he says slowly, "...You must be Hinata."

I stifle a smile despite everything that's happened, and sit next to him. "Can't you tell by my voice?"

"Um...yeah."

My smile grows; then I remember I'm supposed to be sad. Sullen. I doubt that Sasuke is smiling right now...

My merriness fades. Shikamaru doesn't turn around. "You sad?"

What? ..."Yeah..."

"This morning I saw you runing to school with a lonely face on...and also, I heard my neighbor screeching her head off about you...It woke me up," he explains.

I'm afraid to ask, but a smirk starts. "Ino."

"You better believe it."

Silence ensues. After two seconds I can't take it anymore; it's too leisurely...three months ago I would have never done this - start a conversation, broach a subject, but - "What are you doing?"

Finally he glances at me, then up again. "Watching...the clouds."

"The clouds?" I ask, then look up, too. There they are, as soft and as puffy as they always were. I squint, but they all appear to be the same, fat, lazy, boring. "What's that have to do with anything?"

He takes a couple of moments before answering, "They're...always...changing.

So you are sad?"

"Um? Uh...yes."

"Why?"

So I tell him. I have nothing else better to do. "And...that's that. Sasuke probably hates my guts, and Kiba is...he thinks...I..." I trail off awkwardly.

"So do you?"

"N-no!" My conscience upbraids me, Liar! I ignore it. I'll talk to you later about that.

Liar!

Shut up.

"But Hinata...it's not such a big deal, you know? I mean, think of the world. Think of how many people are watching the clouds right now, with problems just like yours. On a bigger scale..."

"I...I know." But the truth is I don't know. I don't know at all. But I want to, desperately. Find meaing of my existence. Find meaning in other people's existences, their lives. Where were we made? Why were we made?...to get mad at each other? To call each other sluts? Whores? It's not right...I feel suddenly sorry. Sasuke...I wonder how you are feeling right now...misunderstood?

"Watch the clouds, you know?" My attention immediately diverts back to his talk, "Maybe your true love is getting punished or something right in your face and you're just looking on, not doing anything." He closes his eyes. "Maybe the meaning is right there, latent. But it has potential, y'know?"

That's the most I've ever heard him say. I process his speech carefully. "Thanks, Shikamaru." My voice somehow doesn't crack, doesn't stutter. "Thanks."

I get off the cloud-watching hill, feeling rejuvenated, feeling...magical, even...like a butterfly ready to spread its wings.

I go home, square my shoulders. Maybe it's time to face my sister.

Preview of the next chapter: I just feel like typing. Ready?

"I'm everything you're not. I was - I am - jealous! Hiashi - Father - he loved you so much. More than me."

Okeee. Who said that??

XD

Neji: She needs a therapist. The smiles are ticking (in search of a better word) me off.

Me :D

Neji:...

Me: XD

Neji:...

Me:D

Neji:.. O.O

Me: Hahahahahaha!

Neji.. P-p-p-p-please review! (runs away)

Me:)