AN: I don't know if anyone actually reads these, or if any one reads the author's profile page. I just want to inform anyone who reads this that I explained briefly on my profile why these are going to be coming at an even slower pace than before. To be short, I moved my files from my computer to my hard drive, and I do mean move, not copy, and then my hard drive died. So I had to go back read the entire story again and start writing again while hoping that I don't get upset with what I write now. In a way I am glad I had to though. I changed a few things from the originals that had been taking up space on my computer and I am pleased with the difference. So far I only have this chapter and two others written. Thing about that is, I need to let an idea sit for a while and go back and look at it before I can post it. I know that is dreadful when there is a story you actually like and I know a lot of you must be getting tired of the delay. I really am trying and I hope the pay off in the end is worth the wait for all of us involved. Please let me know what you guys think! Also let me know about the mistakes. I try my best but I get tired of reading over and over it looking for them.
After Shraga dismissed her, she found herself back in her room. It was here that she sat near the open doors to the balcony and just stared out over the city. There was nothing else for her to do, and she found herself lonely. It was a feeling she had come most accustomed to. She would feel sorry for herself but this was better than the life she would have if it weren't for Garsiv.
She had been reminded of that more lately it seemed due to terrors at night that woke her. The terrors were of things she had tried to forget from her village. Her home burning behind her as she ran, only to be tackled to the ground. There was screaming, the cries of children in pain. The smell of death accosting her, even in her sleep. She couldn't hide from the terrors in her sleep like she could while she was awake. And that is always where the dream ended. She would wake, cold but covered in a sheen of sweat, and immediately she would find herself making her way into Shraga's room.
It always seemed that Shraga never slept. She was always sitting at her desk scribing or reading a scroll. Iryanna would apologize, but the way her sister would look at her made her know she was not intruding. She knew how she appeared, like a she had seen a monster. Shraga would always raise from her desk and motion her to come and sit with her on the couch. There Shraga would play with Iryanna's soft tendrils of hair until peaceful sleep found her. It was these moments that she knew how much Shraga cared for her, despite not wanting her.
It was not enough to save her from her loneliness, though she would forever be grateful for Shraga taking such great care of her. Never when she started having the terrors could she turn to the very man who had saved her. The very man she had once while they traveled told him the tale of her people burning. It seemed another lifetime ago when they traveled together, and were happy. It was also the only time she ever thought Garsiv had truly wanted her. Now, she felt alien to Garsiv. Slowly she was being able to admit that to herself. She wanted to feel like she had when they would camp under the stars of the desert, and she would catch him gazing at her like he could love her one day. It had caused her to hope. She wanted that back, not this loneliness that grated on her soul every day. He had saved her, and she would never be ungrateful for the life he had given her, she just had hoped it had been different.
That was because without Garsiv and Shraga she had no one. The other wives in the palace did not trust her yet, even after the month of her living under the same roof as them. They picked up on Shraga's pain because Garsiv married her, even though Shraga didn't display it as much as she had the first week that they had arrived home. For that reason alone, because they respected Shraga, they kept their distance from her. Not even her husband's sisters would acknowledge her unless Shraga was there as well. Tears pricked the corners of her blue eyes. She refused to let them fall trying to be like Shraga, but her body betrayed her. One tear trailed down her cheek and she was quick to wipe it away. Shraga was so much stronger than she, and she envied the woman greatly because of it.
For a moment she allowed herself to feel what she had been desperately trying to keep buried. Garsiv was always kind to her trying to include her the best that he could. Yet they never spent time alone together. She was reminded that she was nothing more than the third wheel in this marriage. Earlier in the day while at the temple, she had thought about all the time the three of them spent together. Now that she was alone in her room the freshest memory of the day before during dinner, she had sat there the entire time without even speaking. It was as if to Garsiv and Shraga that she was not even in the same room with them, let alone sitting at the table with them in Garsiv's room. The memory was so raw she felt her chest tighten painfully.
The times before when she found times to talk between Garsiv and Shraga's conversations he would just half listen to her. If it weren't for Shraga seemingly hanging on to every word she said, she would have lost the will to continue even trying, and would have probably ran from both of them. The only reason her heart hadn't completely broken yet was because of Shraga. She owed so much to the woman.
Yet at night before retiring each night when she was in the presence of their love, she had a hard time showing Shraga how much she meant to her. When it was her turn he was always abrupt with their goodnight ritual. He would just murmur goodnight before kissing her on the forehead. At first she had felt like the gesture was gentle and sweet. She knew the truth behind it now since having the better part of the day to evaluate the situation. He did it because he was trying to be kind to her, but he was not interested in her the way she thought he had been when they married. It was such an odd feeling: going from thinking someone wanted to be with you, and then learning they tolerated you because the pitied you.
Truth be told, even Shraga, whom she greatly admired and respected, was guilty of the same thing. She was kinder than Garsiv was to her, and her sister took great care of her. They spent much more time together, and she felt like Shraga actually acknowledged her as a person. However, it was not as if Iryanna couldn't tell that there were many times that Shraga forced herself to like the younger woman out of duty. The fact that Shraga tried to befriend her though meant a lot to her. Again, it was not enough.
Now her loneliness ate at her. She could identify the only true friend she had was a woman who, while sincere, had to get that sincerity by forcing herself to due to her duty to her husband. Iryanna could also see that her marriage was in name only. She benefitted in the sense that she was in a safe environment. Yet she would be lying if she didn't wish he would have just asked her to be a servant. At least then things would be different and she could find her own way through the opportunity she had been given. As his wife, she had duties just like Shraga. It hindered her from many things, the biggest being making friendly relationships. That was starting to change the person she was.
If she disappeared from the palace, not one person would even notice she was gone. No, that was not true. Shraga would notice, she corrected herself. The brutal truth was that it wouldn't be long until they were over her disappearance. Feeling this way caused her to live in a constant state of anxiety because she was so insecure. If she wasn't nervous, she was scared because of her night terrors. Anxiety ruled her, and she hoped that recognizing that would help her control it, but it didn't. In fact, it is what caused her to be so annoying today when she questioned Shraga about her cousin.
Every time that she met someone new in the palace she held out hope that they would treat her like she belonged. When she learned of Shraga's cousin, she imagined that he was like Shraga. Loyal, kind, and strong. She had allowed herself to imagine him becoming her friend and then she would have Shraga and her cousin to turn to. Another tear fell when she realized she hadn't included Garsiv in the people that she could turn to.
Garsiv didn't hate her. He didn't like her either. All the times they had spent together after his return to the palace she could see the regret behind his eyes when he looked at her. This entire time she had desperately tried to deny it. No longer could she lie to herself. She knew it was true. Another tear, followed by another started to fall down her cheeks. Urgently she had tried to hide this fact from even herself. She could accept that Shraga would have days where she didn't like her. Yet the fact that her husband didn't like her ripped her heart out.
When he had saved her, she had seen the way he looked at her. There had been pity in his gaze, but there had also been a certain light behind his chocolate colored eyes. She had loved the times in the desert. He had seen her truly then. Things had been much different. She kept thinking about this over and over again: the day they arrived at the palace the light in his eyes for her extinguished. The only time his wonderful eyes seemed to dance was when they were focused on Shraga.
Jealousy seeped into her to the bone. She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight. Over and over again she willed herself to stop crying and stop feeling the rising anger towards her only friend, no her sister. She couldn't stop crying though. Iryanna was alone, and she was broken. A sob caught in her throat and she put a hand over her mouth.
She couldn't go on like this. The pain, anger, jealousy, and many of other emotions she couldn't comprehend felt like they were going to drown her. What would Shraga do if she were in this situation? The answer was simple, Shraga would say something or destroy everything in her path until someone understood the pain she felt, or at least that is what she thought her sister would do.
She opened her eyes and with everything she had in her, she willed herself to find a semblance of peace. She would talk to Shraga, she would confide in her sister. It was the only option she could accept. Destroying things wasn't in her nature. Besides they were a family, and Shraga would take care of her, Iryanna just knew it. Later, when her sister was feeling better, she would ask if they could speak alone. It was like the thought of sharing her inner demons with someone else almost cured her instantly. She stopped crying and started to feel better. The transition was quick and she felt like crying in some way had cleansed her mind of the thoughts that distracted her from the answer of what she needed to do to get better.
She stood up from the lounge she had been sitting on and made her way to the balcony. She hoped that she could spy Garsiv at the training grounds. She didn't see him, and she wondered where he could be. In fact she didn't see any of the brothers. She concluded that they must be with the King. It seemed that all they did was spend time at the training grounds or in the war room. It was only then that she was reminded that even though the King of Scythia had been slain by Garsiv, Persia was still at war with the country. At the moment both sides were regrouping. In actuality, Persia was waiting to see who would claim the land first. If it were someone reasonable deals could be struck and lives could be saved. It was nothing she claimed to understand though, so she didn't spend much time thinking about it.
Suddenly the air seemed to shift around her, causing the hair on the back of her neck to raise. She turned and was met with those milky blue eyes that she had seen earlier in the day that belonged to Shraga's cousin. She backed up quickly in fright until the balcony's railing hit her back. Through her silk stola that she had changed into after they had returned from the temple she could feel how cool the marble was on her back. He tilted his head slightly as he regarded her.
"Your Shraga's cousin," she whispered. Slowly a smile across his handsome but scarred face.
"Is that what she told you I was?" he asked. Iryanna nodded, too afraid to speak. A lump raised to her throat and her heart was hammering repetitively against her chest in a fashion that felt irregular. This was the same physiological way she always felt after waking from a nightmare. As if her heart was racing so quickly that it would skip beats.
"And you must be the new addition to their family," he stated. It was not a question, but Iryanna felt herself nodding again.
"What is your name?" she asked, finally finding her voice. There was something about him that was extremely off-putting. She suddenly felt like she knew why Garsiv and Shraga did not like the man. There was something calculating about his attractive gaze. In the back of her mind she wondered how he had gotten into her apartments without her hearing him. However that trait alone made her know that Shraga and he were related. There were many times she would turn around and Shraga would just be there, and she hadn't known because Shraga had been too quiet. They were both obviously light on their feet.
"Zolm.. And if I may say, it is a pleasure to meet such a rare flower as yourself." He inclined his head towards her. The compliment brought heat to her cheeks. "Ah you blush, I did not mean to embarrass you my dear. I just cannot help myself from speaking the truth. I spied you in the market today with my dear cousin and I could not leave without seeing you in person. I must say, I am glad I did."
It was then that she was given such an extraordinary compliment that was graced with a real smile on his face. Instantly the fear she felt just moments before started to dissipated and she stopped seeing his gaze as calculating, instead she focused on the way he seemed to admire her. She smiled back at him. It was remarkable how quickly her opinion could change, but she didn't seem to notice.
"Zolm…" she tried his name on her lips. Her heart fluttered like it used to do when Garsiv used to look at her with that special light in his eyes. Their eyes met and she felt herself blush again. Despite the hideous scarring on his face, he was beautiful. His dark curled hair found its unruly way from beneath his black chafiye. His hair and chafiye contrasted with his creamy beige colored skin. That wasn't what caught her, it was his eyes. They seemed to glow in the light of the setting sun. That is how she had recognized him so quickly. They were entirely unique and she found that she could stare into their ethereal depths forever.
"Are you looking for Shraga as well?" she asked before she lost herself in his gaze. The day had been long and she had gone through a many emotions throughout its entirety, yet with him standing here with her, she suddenly seemed to forget that she had just been crying moments before. She also seemed to forget that he had scared her, and that she at first had seen why his own cousin did not like him. It had been a first impression and the longer he stood there, the more she found him to seem like an agreeable person. It had everything to do with his kind words that he had just shared with her.
"No, my only interest was meeting you," he said as he stepped forward. This time when her body responded to him being too close, it was because she was excited. Zolm had an air of mystery about himself and she'd be a liar if she didn't admit she was interested in finding out what that mystery was. "I must say, it is unfortunate that he doesn't pay you the attention you deserve. It is even a bigger shame that you are here alone crying about it."
The excitement she had just felt was snuffed out. How did he know? She assumed her face was red, and her eyes still wet, giving him all the evidence he needed to know she had been crying. However how did he know Garsiv did not pay her attention? She opened her mouth to deny what he said to be the truth. No words would come to her to defend her husband.
"One would think there was something wrong with the young prince," he whispered into her ear. What did he mean? And when had he gotten so close? While he did not touch her, just like she could feel the temperature of the marble railing she could feel the heat of him against her skin. Especially his hot breath that embraced the lobe and shell of her ear. His tone hinted at mystery, but this time it was her husband that was the mysterious one
"What do you mean?" she felt compelled to ask. She craned her neck back so she could meet his unusual shade of blue colored eyes.
"You don't know do you? Dear sweet girl that is most unfortunate that you have been left so far in the dark." He took one of her hands into his, playing his calloused fingers over the delicate flesh on the palm of her hand by tracing the creases. Shivers danced down her spine as his thumb lined the middle of her palm up to her middle finger. Her chest tighten in anticipation. No one had ever touched her like so. It was very intimate. She wanted to know what he was going to tell her next, but she also wondered what it would feel like for his fingers to touch her face, her neck, she stopped herself before she thought of her breasts. When he leaned closer to her and spoke the words that would nearly stop her very world, his lips were against the shell of her ear.
"You aren't the only wife he hasn't touched."
At first his words did not make sense to her. Then slowly the understanding of what he meant came to her. Garsiv had not lain with Shraga. The realization felt cold. Naturally she had assumed that it was just her that Garsiv had the issues with. Now she had come to find out that Shraga too was in the same predicament as she. Would this not mean that Shraga and herself were closer than they could have imagined? Was Shraga in as much pain as she was in? Or was it a worse pain because their husband refused to touch either of them?
There were things she wanted to know instantly, like how he knew what he was saying was the truth, or why he wanted to tell her such a thing. The biggest question she had was why hadn't Garsiv taken his first wife yet? She felt like she needed to know, but she also needed to know why that question seemed so important. She could not place why it was imperative, and she was having a hard time thinking because her mind just seemed to swim with too many thoughts as her body buzzed with many new sensations.
In a way, Zolm just turned her entire world upside down, and she didn't understand how. There was something missing that she just couldn't seem to place. Her emotions were at war in her mind. She wasn't sure if she could even trust this man. In fact was it even safe for him to be here alone with her? The way she looked up at him she hoped didn't portray the fear she was starting to feel once again. It must have.
Luckily though his face softened as he looked down at her. There was something unspoken in his appearance that told her that he hoped she would trust him. She wanted to, if only because she desperately wanted someone to depend on. She wanted someone who wanted to be her friend. She didn't want a friend that did so out of pity, nor a friend that did so out of duty. Is that why Zolm had come to her? Did he want to be her friend?
"I am so sorry my dear, it only seemed like the right thing to do was tell you." It was an answer to one of her many unasked questioned. The confession of Shraga and Garsiv not having been intimate with one another felt like the right thing to have told her. He backed away from her, to a safe distance where she didn't feel his warmth. She missed the sensation as soon as he did it.
"These matters are personal, why are you telling me about them?" she finally asked. Regardless that he claimed that it was the right thing to do, there had to be more to it. As she waited for his answer she bit the inside of her cheek nervously. The slight unpleasantness of her teeth crushing the sensitive lining of her mouth distracted her from the way her heart was still thrashing in her chest.
"The moment I saw you in the market I could see the sadness in you. I think you deserve more my sweet Iryanna."
My sweet Iryanna? Had she heard him correctly? There was no mistake, she had heard exactly what he said. He claimed her as his own through words. She couldn't deny that when he called her his, she felt something she didn't understand shoot through her. It took a few moments for her to understand that she felt empowered. He seemed so dedicated to her, and he hadn't even met her before this moment.
"You have been too kind to me," she whispered. Empowered or not, she felt self-conscious.
"It is what a friend does when he cares," he said. There was no trace of anything but genuineness on his face. She whispered thank you. Her cheeks felt hot and she knew she must be as red as the cherries that Shraga had bought her at the market.
"If I may give my new friend some words of advice would she take them to heart?" he asked. She nodded before she blurted out yes. How could she not! He had called himself her friend, stated that he cared for her, and even shared a secret with her! She hadn't felt this way since Garsiv and she had been alone in the desert. She was blissful. Every nerve in her body sang with happiness.
"I suggest my sweet that you do not allow Garsiv to ignore you the way he does. He looks to Shraga because she is like a tiger, while you are a precious mouse. She outshines you because of it. Iryanna, it is time for you to stop being a mouse. Become something that she cannot be, and Garsiv will never forget."
"And what would that be?" she asked.
"His wife," he stated bluntly. She had expected him to say another animal. When he said wife what she felt like was missing earlier suddenly came to her. Whoever Garsiv bedded first would truly be his wife, for that woman would be the head of his household. She had a love for Shraga, but she desperately wanted to be the woman that was the true ruler of their home. Zolm was correct. She needed to be that woman. This entire time she had been nothing but a mouse, a little girl, someone who could be looked over and forgotten.
That had to change! She had to become someone better than she was. She had to become Garsiv's true first wife. She met Zolm's gentle gaze and gave him a real smile that portrayed how delighted she was that he had given her such sound advice. This time when he advanced on her, it didn't frighten her. He placed his hands on her shoulders which felt intimate because he squeezed them reassuringly.
"I hate to ask, but can we keep our friendship between us? I would hate for Shraga and Garsiv to know what I have told you, as well as know that I have befriended you. If they knew I am sure they wouldn't allow us to be friends."
By the Gods he was right! Shraga said she and Garsiv did not like Zolm. If they knew that would be the first thing that would happen, her not being allowed to continue the friendship. Already she depended on his, despite the fact they had just met. She needed more than what she had received from Shraga and Garsiv. She needed the way Zolm made her feel, and that was wanted.
"I wouldn't dream of saying a word," she stated as she looked up into his eyes with all the confidence she could muster.
"Now there is that woman I was hoping to see," he said. It instantly made her forget that she was just about ask him why his cousin didn't like him. In fact his statement made her forget everything except how close he was standing to her again, and how his hands felt as he kept gently massaging her shoulders as if it was just a natural reaction to touching her. Was this what true friendship was like? It had been so long since she had a true friend that she couldn't seem to remember what that felt like outside the terror of watching people she loved being burned with her village. Was it supposed to make her feel heavy? Was it supposed to make her feel like her heart would break if he stopped looking at her the way he was? It must be so, because she couldn't imagine what else this was she was feeling.
Before he departed he leaned forward and placed the smallest kiss on the edge of her lips. She knew it was inappropriate as soon as he did it. Yet when he withdrew and ran a hand down her hair as he gazed so longingly into her eyes, he apologized for his terrible aim. He even chuckled as he leaned in, this time kissing her cheek where he claimed he had been aiming the first time. And she believed him, though when his lips met her skin again, she wished it had been her lips instead of her cheek.
However her lips belonged to Garsiv. And soon enough, she would make sure that he belonged to her as much as she belonged to him. With that, Zolm departed, and she felt the happiest she had in a long time.
AN: Want me to share a secret with you guys? The original copy of this chapter before my hard drive passed away, gods rest its digital soul with all my stories and everything I lost because of it, Iryanna died in this chapter. Originally I felt pressured to kill her sooner because even though I like Iryanna, I know all of you hate her. I was trying to please you guys. Personally I feel like it wasn't her time and I am very pleased with this direction instead of the original direction and I honestly feel like you guys will be too. Please review or message me.