Chapter 20-Winning.
When I woke up the next morning Daryl was gone and I didn't know where he had went. So I quickly threw on some clothes and went down stairs to find him. When I walked into the holding room Axel said the he was outside helping Michonne and some of the others put road spikes out. I didn't want to interrupt and I had noticed that Merle's bed was no longer at the bottom of the stairs so I went searching for him. We had been needing to have a talk after what he had said at dinner the other night and I figured now was as good a time as any.
I looked everywhere. I found everyone but him and the longer I looked the worse the feeling in the pit of my stomach got. I didn't know if he had run off somewhere to get high or drunk or whatever but I didn't like it. So I ran outside knowing that Daryl was still out there. "Daryl," He could tell something was wrong by how fast I was walking. "Merle's missing. I've looked everywhere and I can't find him." Rick came over and asked me if I had seen Michonne. I thought I had found everyone in the process of looking for Merle, but I over looked her. "No, I didn't see her either." I saw Daryl and Rick exchange a look before they started running.
Everything moved in fast forward for me as I followed them to a room I didn't check. Michonne was knocked out and Merle had put a bag over her head. He looked up from where he was tying her hands together with a telephone wire. "Get up." Rick said pointing his gun at Merles head.
"I knew ya wouldn't have the balls to do it. I don't call ya officer friendly for nothing."
"We're not givin' her to him. It won't solve anything and you know it." Merle just kept on tying her hands. "I said get up." He stood up slowly and put his hands into the air. "Turn around." Merle slowly turned around and Rick somehow or another cuffed him. "Take her back to the cell block." He said to Daryl who I had been standing behind the whole time.
"Daryl what's going on?" I asked as he leaned over, picked up Michonne by her sides and threw her over his shoulder with a grunt.
"Rick will tell ya later. Come on." I didn't argue I just followed him back to the cell block and watched him put her on the bottom bunk of one of the empty cells. I took the bag off of her head and untied her hands before Daryl locked the door behind us. He pulled me out of earshot of the two cells that Merle and Michonne were in and put his hands on my hips as he spoke to me. "Do me a favor and stay away from them for the rest of the day."
"You think I would go anywhere near Merle after what I just saw?" I asked and he smirked at me. "You know me better than that." He nodded and let me go. "I'm gonna go check on Little Ass Kicker so I'll be there if you need me. You should probably go make sure Rick hasn't cracked yet." He kissed my head before we went our separate ways.
Beth was already caring for Judith so I stuck around just incase she needed help with something. "How's she doin today?" I asked as I tickled the baby's chubby cheek.
"I think she's doing better than everyone else here." She said and I realized it was true. For now all Judith needed was food and a clean diaper. The rest of us were all on edge just wanting the governor to go away and leave us alone. "How are you holding up? Your morning sickness slacked off yet?"
"Not completely, I still get sick to my stomach every once in a while." I answered and she just smiled probably remembering something about Lori.
"You have any clue what's been going on around here?" she asked and I shook my head. "All of the men have all been acting weird." I knew it all had to do with Merle and Michonne, but I didn't know what exactly happened down there so I just kept my mouth shut. From the way Rick talked in that room, he was planning on taking Michonne to The Governor. I just couldn't figure out why.
The two of us cared for Judith and chatted until Daryl came in and told us that Rick wanted to talk to everyone outside. Daryl warned me that it had gotten chilly outside so I ran upstairs and grabbed my jacket. We all gathered in a crook in the building so that if The Governor made a surprise attack we would all have a place to hide. Daryl and I sat at the picnic table with Hershel and Beth.
Rick was standing so that he could speak to everyone and I noticed him rubbing the pad of his thumb across his fingertips again. Bad news was coming. "When I met with the Governor he offered me a deal. He said…he said he would leave us alone if I gave him Michonne." So that's why Merle had her tied up and knocked out. There was no way she would have willingly went with him. "And I was gonna do that to keep us safe, but I changed my mind. Merle tried to take Michonne to fulfill the deal. I was wrong not to tell you and I'm sorry." He stared talking about something he said a year ago and I had no idea what he was talking about. I knew he was their leader, but I had no idea how he became such. "I'm not you're governor. we choose to go, we choose to stay. We stick together. We take a vote. We can stay and we can fight or we can go."
After he walked off we all started discussing what we should do. We all knew that Michonne and Merle wanted to leave this place so we didn't bother asking them. Carol, Hershel and Carl all wanted to run. Daryl, Axel, Glenn, Maggie, Beth and myself all wanted to fight and stay. "If we didn't have Little Ass Kicker and I wasn't pregnant I would be all for getting the hell out of here, but my father was right the first time we had this discussion. I can't give birth out on the road." I explained letting everyone know why I chose the side I did.
Including Merle and Michonne we were staying by one vote. Hershel stood up from his place on the bench and announced that he was going to go tell Rick. About that time Rick walked around the corner. "No need I'm right here. Merle and Michonne want to run." Hershel told him what everyone had decided and Rick looked pleased. "Then we need to start planning how we're going to handle this. This guy is going to be expecting us to attack him since we didn't show up with Michonne. Speaking of which we need to get inside."
Once we were inside Merle and Michonne were let out of their cells and we all started brainstorming on how to handle the pending attack. Merle, Maggie and Beth all had really good ideas. It was Beth's idea for us to clean out all of our stuff and make it look like we had left. Plus her idea had the upside of if we really did have to make a run for it our stuff would already be packed up and ready to go. Merle suggested that we use the noisy sirens that go off when the generator is turned on to throw them off. It was eventually decided that we only needed enough people to scare them off. Everyone else was to hide out in the woods. I was part of the everyone else. As was Axel.
When the meeting was over everyone turned in early so that we could wake up early in the morning and get started on packing. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?" I asked Daryl when we had settled into bed and he propped himself up on his elbow mimicking my position.
"Na, we can handle ourselves. Our plans pretty good." I drummed my fingers on the bed nervously. "Why? Ya nervous?" I shrugged. "Ya know what to do if everything falls apart."
"Yeah, I run for the cars, but that doesn't guarantee that you will make it. I don't like bein' separated from you." I will admit that Daryl had become my security blanket since my father died.
"I've told ya before and I'll tell ya again, I ain't goin anywhere. I'll be perfectly safe." Right, because the tombs were so safe and all. I didn't argue with him though and he kissed my forehead. "Besides Judith needs ya." She really didn't need me. She had Beth, Hershel and Carl, but I smiled at him anyways. "Ya know, my Georgia peach hasn't sang to me in a while." I hadn't, but I also didn't fell like singing right now.
"People are trying to sleep." I said turning onto my back and looking up at the ceiling.
"Yeah that was yer excuse last time and ya know they won't mind one song before they go to sleep." I just cut my eyes over at him. I hadn't sang since my fathers funeral and I wasn't sure I still had it in me to try. He leaned over and kissed my chest where the buttons of my shirt were undone. "Please, for me?" he asked sounding like a sad kid and I couldn't help but smile a little.
"Just sing for the guy and get it over with." I jumped when Merle's voice came out of my old cell. I wasn't aware that he had moved in there. I scooted a little closer to Daryl and sighed.
"Fine, but only because you said please." He smiled looking like a kid on Christmas. "And 'cause you look so damn cute." His face changed and a light blush came over his cheeks. "What?"
"I think that's the first time you've given me a compliment." I had never really thought about it, but I didn't compliment him that much.
"It's not the first time, I've complimented you on your strength before." I said in defense and he shook his head.
"Ya said it like ya were scared, not exactly a compliment." Hmm I guess it wasn't.
"Okay well I got lots more compliments floating around in my head if you'd like to hear them." He smiled and opened his mouth to say something but Merle's voice cut him off.
"Ugh just sing, y'all are makin' me sick." Merle again.
"Why did you move up here if we bother you so much?" I asked and Daryl hugged me tighter not liking me talking to Merle.
"Cause I wasn't gonna sleep anywhere near officer friendly and black beauty." Isn't calling her black beauty more of a compliment than it is an insult? Whatever.
"Okay fine, what do you want me to sing?" I asked Daryl and he told me to choose. I had two different songs in mind. "Pick a number, one or two." He rubbed his scruffy chin as he thought about it.
"Two."
I stood up and held my hand out to him. He just looked at my hand then back up at me. "If I'm gonna sing you're gonna dance with me." He laughed and stood up taking my hand as he did. "You know you don't have to dance if you don't want to."
"Yeah, I know. But who wouldn't want to dance with a pretty lady like you?" he asked with a smile and I just shook my head.
"Yeah yeah yea, what ever." I said as he wrapped his arms around my waist holding me close to him unlike the first time we danced. "I've been awake for a while now. You've got me feelin' like a child now. 'Cause every time I see your bubbly face I get the tingles in a silly place It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose. Wherever it goes I always know that you make me smile. Please stay for a while now. Just take your time wherever you go." I had laid my head on Daryl's chest while I sang so I couldn't see if he liked the song or not. He was slowly rubbing circles on my lower back with his thumb while we danced so I assumed he liked it. "The rain is fallin' on my window pane, but we are hiding in a safer place. Under covers staying dry and warm. You give me feelings that I adore" I heard Merle grumble in his cell a few times about my song choice, but Daryl whispered for me to ignore him. Like I wasn't already doing that. He surprised me when he grabbed my hand and pushed on my hip before he twirled me around and caught me. "Whoa, you have anymore hidden talents that I don't know about?" I asked and he put his finger over my mouth and silently told me to keep singing.
"I've been asleep for a while now. You tuck me in just like a child now .'Cause every time you hold me in your arms I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth. It starts in my soul and I lose all control. When you kiss my nose the feeling shows. 'Cause you make me smile, baby just take your time holdin' me tight." he dipped me at the end of the song and kissed me. Who would have guessed that this gruff looking man would be such a softy? I definitely wouldn't have when I first saw him. "I love you." I whispered in his ear when he lifted me back up.
"I love ya too." He grabbed my hand and led me back over to the bed. "Night Bay." He said as I cuddled into his side.
"Night Daryl." He wrapped his arm around me and I fell asleep listening to his light breathing.
Merle woke us up by kicking the foot of our bed. "Get up love birds. We got work to do." I rolled over and pressed my face into my pillow with a groan.
"Do I have to?" I asked groggily and Daryl told me we did. I didn't want to get up. Getting up meant getting to work cleaning up this place. The idea was to make it look like we had never even been here. So I drug myself out of the bed and changed into some warmer clothes. I put on a pair of green cargo pants, a black tank top and a camouflage jacket that my father had snagged for me when we were still on the road. I slid my boots on then threw my hair up into a messy bun before I started helping Daryl gather up all of our stuff that was scattered around the perch.
When we had everything loaded up we drove the cars into the woods and camouflaged them. I knew that Daryl and I would be separated from here on out. My stomach was killing me and I knew it wasn't caused by my pregnancy. I was terrified of being away from him and all the things that could go wrong. When we were sure that The Governor wouldn't be able to see the cars, the people that were going to be in the prison started heading toward the back entrance. Maggie hugged Beth and Hershel before she walked off. Daryl came over to me and pulled me into his arms not caring that people were staring at us. My hands were shaking where they rested on his back. "Be safe." I whispered into his ear and he pulled back to look at me. He probably noticed my watering eyes.
"Ya know it peach." I smiled and pressed the backs of my hands into my eyes. "Ya be safe too. Protect Little Ass Kicker and 'Lil Peach." I glanced over at the baby in Beth's arms before he kissed me quickly then took off walking after the others.
I can't tell you how long we waited out in the woods before we heard the loud roar of approaching vehicles. We all ducked down behind the cars to keep from being seen as we watched them blow up the guard towers. It was Rick that suggested that no one be in the towers because they would be the first things they would target and I was glad he was so smart.
After we watched them all disappear into the building all we had to do was play the waiting game. The minutes that ticked by seemed to drag on and on until we finally heard the sirens going off which meant that the Woodbury army had made their way to the tombs and were now being attacked. I was standing near Carl when the army started running out of the buildings and Maggie and Glenn started firing at them. "I should be there." Carl said and I looked down at him.
"No, you shouldn't. You need to be here for your little sister. If something happens to Rick, god forbid, you will be the only blood family she has left." He glared up at me, but I didn't care. "Your sister needs you Carl." I was just saying whatever I could to make the kid feel like he was doing some good by being here. He didn't look like he believed me, but I didn't care.
We were all smiling happy to see the cars driving away in fear, but then a teenage boy ran into us. We all pointed our guns at him. Hershel told him to put down his gun. The guy was easing it to the ground when Carl shot him. What the hell did I just witness? I looked at Hershel and Beth to see them just as stunned as I was. I didn't say anything to him this time and Hershel put his hand on Carl's shoulder to get him to stop looking at the dead guy and start walking with us to the back entrance of the prison.
Beth was getting tired of holding Judith so she handed her over to me. When we got inside I put her in her play pen then went and hugged Daryl. "We're going after them. I don't know how long we're gonna be gone." I let out a jagged breath because I had a feeling that this was going to happen.
I pushed all emotion aside because I didn't want him to worry about my well being while he was gone. "Okay, who all's goin'?" I asked and he stopped sorting out his weapons. He took my hand and led me into the other room.
"What happened out there?" I gave him a questioning look letting him know that I didn't know what he was talking about. "Ya have yer shield up again. Ya only pull it out when something ya can't handle happens." How did he get to know me so well.
I heaved out a breath and looked at the ground. "I just watched Carl shoot a guy. He was just a teenager. He was handing over his gun and Carl shot him. He had no reason." He just nodded his head knowingly. "So who all's going to Woodbury?" I asked again and we started walking back to the holding room.
"Me, Rick, Michonne, Glenn and Maggie." That was a good chunk of the group. "No matter what happens," he tipped my chin up so that I was looking at him, "I'll come back to ya. Promise."
When we got outside Rick was walking away from an angry looking Carl. Maggie and Glenn announced that they would be staying at the prison incase The Governor showed up here. Daryl side hugged me before he climbed onto his motorcycle and started following the car that Rick and Michonne were in. Merle walked up beside me but I didn't take my eyes off of the fading motorcycle. "He'll come back to us." I ignored Merle and headed to the prison. I didn't want to be around him after I saw what he had done to Michonne, but he followed me into my fathers cell.
"Leave me alone Merle." My voice was like ice stopping him in his tracks.
"I just wanna talk to ya." He said with a gruff innocence. "I wanna explain."
"What are you gonna explain? That you knocked some woman out and were going to deliver her to The Governor like some living piece offering?" He just looked at the floor. "All you would have done was get yourself killed, for nothing."
"Ya say that like ya care about me." I automatically clenched my jaw and my fists. My middle finger dug into the sensitive scar in the palm of my hand.
"No I don't. I care about Daryl and unfortunately he cares about you." He just stood there. "You came in here to explain why you did what you did. But you don't have to." He was good at hiding what he was feeling, but he wasn't good enough for me to not see it. "I know suicidal when I see it. I've been there." I pulled my feet up into the chair and wrapped my arms around them. He walked into the cell and sat down on the bed before he pulled off his metal contraption revealing a nasty, inflamed and painful looking stump. I couldn't help but cringe from the looks of it.
"It hurts worse than it looks." 'good' my father's voice bounced around in my head. "Yer smarter than I thought. I was gonna let the governor have me… figured that there might be a slim chance that if I took Black Beauty with me that ya and my baby might have a chance." I felt my heart drop down to my feet. He was telling the truth just like he was about the drugs. "Ya look at me like I'm the devil. Everyone does." How did he expect me to look at him after what he did to me?
"What do you expect from the way you act Merle?" he just shrugged. 'take a page from your mother's book' my fathers voice whispered to me and I smiled. "You're brother doesn't look at you like you're a monster." I said gently and he glared at me with watery eyes.
"Yeah, I know, and I don't get why he doesn't." he was leaning forward with his elbows resting by his knees and his shoulders hunched.
"Because he knows how to forgive you. I could too with a little time." Ah, there it is, the look that everyone in this place has given me at some point. The one that suggested that I was crazy, and I was starting to truly think that I might be, but I wasn't a danger to anyone except maybe myself. The page I took out of my mothers book was a bible verse that I knew was right for what was going on with Merle. It said: Instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be swallowed up by excessive sorrow. "Just because I forgive you doesn't mean I can forget. It's not possible for me."
He scratched at his head before he swiped his hand over his face and looked up at me from where his gaze had fallen to the floor. "Did I ever tell ya I'm sorry? Because I am."
"Yeah, you have, but I think this is the first time I believe it." I really couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth, but I had to say them. And I wasn't just saying them to say them. I really could forgive him with the right amount of time, but the baby was going to make that difficult. "You said that you would understand if I didn't want this baby to know you're its father?" I dropped my feet to the floor and crossed my arms over my chest. "but you keep calling it yours. My baby this, my baby that, is she gonna look like me?" he scratched the back of his neck and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Why do you keep saying those things? Its just setting you up for heart break when she calls you something other than daddy."
"Do you know why I didn't want ya to take those pills?" I shook my head no and hugged myself tighter. I had wondered why he didn't want me to, but I never really thought that much into it. "Yer not the first woman I've knocked up." I had never thought about that, why would I want to? "This has happened three times before." So what happened to the kids? Did he just abandon them for booze and drugs? I wanted to ask those questions, but I was positive he would stop talking to me if I did. "The first was when I should have been in high school. I-" he stopped and studied my face for a second. "Do ya even care bout this?"
I knew he needed to tell me or he wouldn't be trying. So even if I didn't care, and for some absurd reason I did, I needed to listen. So I stood up off the chair, sat down on the bed and sat down at the head of it so that I could lean against the wall. "I care." Something told me those were two words he hadn't heard much before. "So what did you do?"
He turned to face me and leaned against the pole of the upper bunk. "I tried to make it Right, told her that I would straighten up, get a job, pay child support all that shit." I pulled my feet up onto the bed and rested my chin on my knees as I gave him an 'and?' look. "She went and got an abortion. So did the second girl except she didn't even tell me she was pregnant until after she got rid of the little bastard. Her words, not mine." He put his metal contraption back on when he saw me staring at his stump. "Who knows, those kids might have been better off not living with a crack head momma and a meth head daddy." As opposed to a kid living in a walker infested waste land?
"You said there were three, what happened with the third woman?" I asked and he shook his head sadly as he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth making me think of how Daryl did that sometimes.
"I could only wish that she would have gotten an abortion early on. That bitch fucked around and smoked herself into oblivion until she was five months pregnant." I was getting a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. "I begged her to get away from the people she was with and let me try to help her, but instead…" his forehead wrinkled and he quickly swiped at his face with the back of his hand. "She was too far along to get an abortion so she had her boyfriend for that week beat the shit out of her stomach then called me to take her to the hospital so that I would be there when they told her she lost the baby."
I wrapped my arms around my stomach and kept my face down so that my hair would hide my face from him. How could someone be so cruel? I would like to think that no matter how pissed I was at someone that I would never be like that. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, but that didn't really seem appropriate. I didn't know what to do. "I won't do that to you." I didn't look up when I spoke.
"I know. Yer not a druggie whore, ya have a conscience." His gruff voice was soft.
"You do too ya know." He snorted like he didn't believe me and I swiped my hair out of my face to look at him. "You do. If you didn't you wouldn't be here sitting with me. You wouldn't care about what those women did. You wouldn't care about this baby and you wouldn't care about your brother the way you do."
Our conversation was cut off when Beth came to the cell and told me that supper was ready. I hadn't realized that it had gotten that late. Daryl and the others weren't back yet and I was starting to worry. My bowl sat untouched in front of me. Hershel told me that I needed to eat, but I just couldn't make myself touch the food. The smell of the meal made me sick to my stomach. I had pushed the bowl away, but suddenly Merle was sitting across from me and he shoved the bowl back at me. "Eat. Ya know Daryl wouldn't want ya to starve yerself."
After that I reluctantly started nibbling at the tasteless grits. The holding room slowly emptied until I was the only one left. I couldn't sleep, I wanted to wait until Daryl got back. The longer I sat there waiting the more tense I got. "You need to sleep." I looked behind me to see Carol standing in the doorway of the cell block. "He wouldn't want you to worry about him." I hated to admit it, but she was right. So I hopped down off of the table top I was sitting on and walked over to her. I just nodded as I walked past her up to the perch.
Our bed hadn't been put back out on the perch yet and I didn't bother putting it back out. I couldn't sleep so I went back to my fathers cell and busied my hands with my neglected knitting.
A/N: I don't won Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly."