Disclaimer: I own nothing but the triumph of this plot bunny!
A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- If It Hadn't Been For Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"M-Maybe this wasn't a good idea," Penelope finally spoke up above the noise that everyone had broken into. It had taken Derek to tell everyone the plan and for the debate of mind changing to begin. "I mean, Derek," She looked at him, difficult tears spreading in her eyes and long her lashes like wild fire, "It will be good for you," she pushed him and looked down as the first tear fell. "It was stupid to think that leaving would work."
"I think Penelope has a right to make a move like this," Rossi stepped in, backing Penelope and Derek's life choices firmly already. "They're their own persons and, after everything, I think they deserve a change of scenery more than anyone else."
"Really," Penelope said and wiped the tears away, "If it's going to tear us apart I won't go." She then sniffed and began to turn onto her side, "I think I might sleep, I'm quite tired."
"Pen," JJ said and she stepped towards the end of the bed, trying to get a better response.
"Really," Penelope said and wiped her face, "I'm just really tired, so please..." She trailed off as she closed her eyes to stop the influx of tears. She thought this would be simpler than it was, but it seemed to be becoming a bad idea by the second.
"It was suggested to Penelope, by Steven, that getting away, starting anew would help her, would make what happened to her a lot easier to cope with..."
"Derek..." Penelope spoke up as she turned back to them.
Derek simply waved his hand at her, to quieten her, "Pen has suffered so much, that I made her believe that you would all be okay with this, and here you are making her feel like she has to stay put to keep our family together. Since when do we work like that?" He asked them and took in their guilt. "We all love Penelope, and we all want to see her get better, but we need to take into account that being here, maybe just isn't going to allow that."
"We just want to help her," JJ said feebly, her eyes latching on with Penelope's, "I'm sorry Garcie."
"We were thinking, maybe using my probation period at the Chicago base as time for Pen to heal completely. It's not so simple to walk away from a job once you've sorted it, especially when Strauss has you head hunted. I was going to try and find a way out of it, but now I see an opportunity. One that has benefits for Penelope too. I promised Pen, that I would help her through this, and if that requires me to walk to the ends of this earth then so be it. Anything would be worth it. So just look at it like this, we get away for a bit, make a start on what led us there and then we suss out how the future looks. Just think about Penelope here."
Even without liking it, the team accepted it. Penelope was in a fragile place at that moment and needed support, not neglect.
Chicago wasn't the other side of the world after all.
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"So Chicago?" Fran asked as she sat on the bed, "Sure you'll be up for that?"
Penelope looked at Fran, "I think I'll be ready for anything as long as Derek's there." She smiled as she almost mused about that sentence, "I'm sorry for all this, Fran." Penelope apologised, she knew that Derek's mom had an issue with Derek being so far away and getting hurt as it was, "He got hurt because of me."
"Penelope, dear, you can't keep going on this blame game."
"I know, I know I can't, but the thing is, Kevin was in our lives because of me. He was my boyfriend and he shot Derek, to buy me more time, because Derek was ruining things. Kevin shot Derek to give me time to make sure Derek didn't mess up anymore. That makes it my fault."
"So was it your fault that Kevin's brother took you and did every unnameable thing imaginable?" Fran asked Penelope and saw her deliberate it, "No it wasn't. Okay so you're a part of it, but Kevin isn't the first man whose girlfriend has fallen in love with someone else and none of them wound up using a gun, Penelope. Kevin opted for that route, as did his brother."
"I want to stop feeling so guilty," Penelope said as she began to cry, "I try, and try, but I see Derek in pain and I remember him lying on the floor and all I could do was beg him not to leave me. Fran, I gave up so much that night. I even walked away from the man I'm in love with because I thought it was for the best. I didn't want my life to end up like this. I was never meant to fall in love."
"But you did," Fran told Penelope as she held her hand in hers and ran her thumb along it soothingly, "The heart gets what the heart wants. You and Derek have been fighting this, and I'm sure the moment you give your all to Derek, the very moment you confess everything to him you'll stop feeling so guilty. I know it's in a letter, but writing it and saying it, as are two totally different things and believe me, you'll feel so much better once you do just that."
Penelope smiled a watery smile, "I know you didn't plan this, but thank you."
"We all need our mom sometimes, Penelope, you just shouldn't have been afraid to pick up the phone before letting months of isolation come between the pair of you." Fran said and took Penelope in her arms, giving her a gentle motherly hug, "I would've hit your heads together."
Penelope laughed through her tears at that, knowing it could've been that simple once upon a time.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- If It Hadn't Been For Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Watching him, Penelope smirked at his obliviousness to her attention.
"We need to talk," She spoke softly into the air and suddenly Derek's attention caught hers and he became alert and leaned in, taking her hand in his, awaiting the news warily. "Do you understand how much I love you?" She asked as Derek rose from his seat and perched on the side of the bed.
"That letter said more than it needed to," Derek said and slowly rose his hand to her cheek, allowing her to fall against it.
Penelope leaned into his palm, the tears falling down already at the awaiting emotions running rapid and wild, "I really have missed you," she said, meaning more to the months prior than the last week or so. "I didn't think it was ever possible to love someone so much and I really thought that it had to take you getting shot to finalise that." Penelope pulled away, taking his hand in hers and kissed the back of it, "I never wanted to fall in love with you because I felt like it was wrong, that it would end in heart break sooner rather than later and that scared me. Yet instead of ignoring you that way, I just fell further in love with you."
Derek smiled at her, "You will never know how badly I regret us getting to this point the way we did. You didn't deserve the cold shoulder, nor did you ever deserve what Andrew did, but I can't change that. However much that hurts me and makes me powerless, I can only make this better. I can only change the here and now." Derek told her confidently, "And baby, I have so many plans for us. I just need to know that you're ready for them to begin."
"I'm ready, if you're ready for my plans to begin, Handsome," Penelope asked him back, a new glint in her eyes.
They both knew their recoveries were only taking an entirely new turn from there.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- If It Hadn't Been For Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-