Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. If I did. . .well. . .let's just
leave it at that.
Thanks to. . .
miLady: You know, you're the only person who wished me a happy birthday. This chapter is up so soon for you because it made me happy that someone actually pays attention to my author's notes. I'm glad Yume has been redeemed. You would think that Nuriko could have been saved but you know. . .like I said, nothing is ever truly final.
Otaku Pitcher: It's lacking explanation because Yume doesn't communicate her feelings. It's part of her personality therefore I can't change it. She doesn't explain her actions always, because sometimes there is no explanation. I hope you understand. The author's note gives a little insight but that's all I can do. I've read fics where Nuriko is saved by some crazy miracle and I agree: it just doesn't seem right.
Songwind: I'm glad you agree that Nuriko's death was important (it pretty much changes everything in the story because of the way Yume reacts). And I did continue soon so I hope you're happy.
Cortney: Kim is annoying isn't she? I wouldn't even include her but I told the real Kim that she could be in my story. I think I'm going to fire her. She's mean and I gave her a small part. My obligation is fulfilled. I'm glad you don't hate me. And I'll see what I can do about reading your story whenever you post it.
Author's Note: Hey, you guys made me so happy with the tremendous response that I got from the last chapter that I decided to put this one up really fast for you. But I did it mostly for miLady because she wished me a happy birthday. ( Umm. . .I would like to take this time to warn you that this chapter has an increased amount of swearing in it. (Bad Yume!) Being angry and blaming herself is how she deals with loss and pain, which is not the best way to deal with your problems. So she is pretty much pissed at the world and out of control in this and the next few chapters (which isn't exactly stated in the actual chapter). Well, there's your warning and here's the chapter.
'. . .' are dialogue which is inside Yume's head.
Chapter 20: Conflicting Emotions
I sat outside the cave, looking at the trampled, bloodstained ground. They left me to look for the Shinzaho with little objection. 'Maybe they actually understand that I want to be alone, for once,' I thought irritated by the whole ordeal. 'It serves you right for getting attached. You should know better than that by now,' one of the voices that inhabit my head scolded. 'Maybe I should have gone with them. It probably would have been better than sitting out here hearing voices and feeling sorry for myself.' I looked over towards where the body of our enemy, Ashitare, was. It was gone. 'What the-?' I thought. 'Does that mean he's still alive?' I didn't think much of it. If he were still alive, he would probably go after me so I would know by now.
After about a half hour of waiting, they emerged with the relic but they didn't look too happy. "We need another one," Miaka called to me. "It's pretty though, isn't it?" She held it up and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of gray. Before anyone could react, a wolf appeared and snatched the Shinzaho from Miaka and ran off. Shiriko immediately took after it.
"No! Shiriko!" I ran after my pet but I knew I was no match for their speed and endurance. I felt someone pick me up and carry me towards where they disappeared from my view, completely baffled. I was moving faster than I thought was humanly possible. "What the fuck?"
"It's ok, Yume. It's just me. You'd never have caught up with him like that," Tasuki's voice responded. "There he is. If I cut him off, will he attack?"
"Probably but he'll more than likely just go around you," I answered. I didn't like this one bit. "Shiriko!" I began to hum a song quietly.
"What are you doing?" Tasuki asked, oblivious to my reasoning as usual.
"Be quiet and put me down! I have an idea." He put me down and shut up. I resumed singing my quiet melody. I heard Shiriko howl in the distance and continued my song. It was working. A few minutes later, Shiriko emerged from the forest full speed and stopped right in front of me, sitting at my feet. "Good boy." I rubbed his head affectionately.
"What was that?" Tasuki asked, eying me curiously.
"I trained him to come to that song." I walked back towards the group. "Oh, and don't do that again, Tasuki."
"I just wanted to help," he replied defensively.
"I don't need help." 'Or deserve it.' "I'm going back to the inn because I need to change clothes."
"You might not want to go there dressed like that," Tamahome warned.
I looked down at my ripped cloak and bloodstained clothes. "Fine." I walked into the forest, carrying my bag. I changed into one of the dresses I got from the palace. I didn't have much choice. With my cloak pretty much destroyed, I couldn't go back to wearing my normal clothes. I had to dress like the people from this world again. I didn't know what to do with the blood-covered garments so I carried them back to the group.
"You can just leave them here, I guess," Miaka told me.
I dropped them on the ground and returned to Shiriko. "Why don't we stop and get something to eat for lunch before heading for Sairou?" Chichiri suggested. No one but me had any objections but I kept mine to myself anyway and we went back to town.
The group pretty much stayed away from me on our trip to the inn. I couldn't tell whether they did that because they blamed me for Nuriko's death or because they pitied me but wanted to keep away in case I had another outburst. I really didn't care either way. I knew I was responsible for his death and that was enough for me. Once we got to the restaurant, I ordered a glass of that saké stuff Tasuki was always drinking and sat by myself. 'No more getting close to them. Even if it wasn't my fault that I didn't get there in time, Nakago probably sent the wolf man because of my reports so it is still my fault.'
I took a sip of the saké. It was pretty strong stuff compared to what I was used to (my parents give me some liquor now and then). It didn't matter much to me though because the stronger it was, the sooner it would take effect. Tasuki came over and took my glass. "You're too young to be drinking this," he said. Well that was just not fair. I hadn't even gotten intoxicated yet!
"Fuck off. You have no room to talk about the age thing. You're not much older than me. Plus, if you can't tell, I've had a bad day. Why do you care if I get drunk?" I retorted. I reached for the glass. The alcohol hadn't even begun to take its effect on me. It was mine and I wanted it back.
"Come with me outside for a moment. You could use some fresh air," he ordered.
"I could use some saké! Give it back!!!" He grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. The others watched but no one made a move to help me. I didn't expect them to. Shiriko couldn't do anything because the owner had made me tie him up outside. "Let me go!"
"No! You're coming with me!"
"You really suck!"
"I don't care! I'm not going to let you get drunk. That's not what you need right now," he stated.
"You're right. What I need is to get out some anger and you're here so I guess I'll start with you!" I was really upset and confused and all he was at that moment was an obstacle that wouldn't go away.
"Go ahead. If that's what will make you feel better, do it." He stood there, ready to let me beat him senseless. I punched him in the gut but he didn't even try to block or fight back.
"Aren't you even going to defend yourself?" I asked, a little surprised.
He shook his head. "No. If it will make you feel better, I'll let you and I won't try and stop you."
"Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you care so much?"
"I don't like seeing people unhappy. It's not like you to give up on yourself like this."
Normally, that kind of confession would mean something to me. Right now, it sounded like a trick. "What should you care if I'm upset? I'm nothing to you. You don't even know me so how can you know what's like me?"
"I want to get to know you, though. Look, Yume, what I'm trying to say is, I want you to be happy and if you'll give me a shot, I want to try and make you happy." That was not what I was expecting. It threw me off and snapped me back to reality, a reality where I have to let him down. Hard. 'He looks like he really means it but I can't. Here it goes. . .'
I laughed a little. "Weren't you listening? You don't even know me. You can't care about someone you don't know," I replied harshly.
"But I want to get to know you if you'd just let me. Damn it, Yume! Why can't you let anyone get close to you?"
'I did and he's dead. Put two and two together, dumb ass.' "Look, Tasuki. I'm sorry if I mislead you but I have absolutely no feelings for you. I was just messing around. I'm sorry you took it so seriously." He looked really hurt. "Now, I'm going on a walk because I need some time alone. This is too much for me to handle right now. Please don't follow me." I turned my back on him and walked away. That was the hardest performance I've ever had to do in my life. I felt a few tears roll down my cheek. I didn't even bother to stop them.
'I had to do it. What happens when he finds out that I've been spying for Nakago the whole time? Besides, I don't even really care for him so it would be mean anyway. He's too good for me. I'm nothing but a fake and a weak one at that. I'm sure he'll find someone else,' I thought. 'But will you?' my heart asked. 'Ugh! Damn voices! I need to meditate.' As I wandered through the fog-filled forest searching for a remote spot to meditate at, I heard talking. "You mean like controlling him through sex?" a voice that sounded like Miaka's said.
"Exactly," another voice that sounded suspiciously like Taiitsu-kun's answered. I walked towards them and decided to join in the conversation. 'Maybe Taiitsu-kun can help me sort out my problems.'
"Hi Taiitsu-kun. Hi Miaka," I greeted.
"Hi Yume," Miaka replied.
"Who are you?" Taiitsu-kun asked. 'Wait, shouldn't she know?'
"It's Yume. Remember? You said she'd be important and sent her with us," Miaka explained.
"Yea, you should know me. I remember you. You're just as ugly as the last time I met you," I added, testing her response.
"Oh yea. Now, Miaka, by engaging in intercourse you can gain control of Nakago's life force rendering him helpless," Taiitsu-kun explained.
"I thought priestesses had to be virgins," I commented.
"Yui isn't a virgin anymore and they haven't given up yet," Taiitsu-kun replied.
"She's not?!?" I exclaimed in disbelief.
"No, now shut up. This concerns the priestess not some outsider," she ordered. Then, turning to Miaka, she said, "Are you going to do it? It may be the only way to get back the Shinzaho."
"I'll do it," Miaka replied, gravely. "I have to." She looked really sad. 'She probably wanted to save herself for Tamahome. She may still be able to. Something tells me that that isn't the real Taiitsu-kun.'
"Good. Yume? You'll take care of Miaka's whereabouts won't you?"
"Sure." "Taiitsu-kun" disappeared, leaving me with Miaka. "Miaka, don't do it. I think it's a trap."
"I have to and why would Taiitsu-kun try and trick me? She's on our side, remember?" she replied.
"I don't know how to explain it but I don't think that was the real Taiitsu- kun."
"What makes you say that?" she asked.
"She didn't know who I was, what she was saying doesn't even make sense, and she didn't care that I called he ugly." Miaka shook her head.
"But then what are we going to do to get the Shinzaho back? We need it," she asked.
"I'll go instead. You're too important to risk like that. Either way, we'll still end up with control of his life force. It doesn't matter if I'm a virgin or not so we'll still be able to call Suzaku."
"Thanks a lot, Yume. But are you sure?" I nodded. "I'll come up with an alibi for you." She hugged me. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. I know you tried to save Nuriko."
"I don't need your pity. Just tell me where the camp is so I can get this over with."
"Their camp is that way. Please be careful, Yume."
I took off in the direction she pointed. I didn't really want to go to Nakago's camp or try to "control his life force." I was under a lot of stress and there wasn't much else I could do. I wouldn't send Miaka to that fate. No one deserved that, not even her. 'Although I am pretty close to deserving a fate like that.' Plus, I had a few things to say to Mr. Nakago and nothing to lose but my worthless life. But I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I'm too important to him. He wouldn't want to risk his spy. He's stupid but not that stupid.
Author's Note:
Smack: There ya go. That's probably the worst chapter in the history of this fic but it's needed. Actually, the next few chapters are going to be a lot like that. Minus a few instances where Yume goes insane and her importance to this world is actually revealed to her. . .Oops. . .
Yume: ::perks up:: Wait, what?
Smack: Nothing, no one. Smack knows nothing. ::twiddles thumbs and whistles::
Yume: I know you said something important! What did you say?
Smack: I said it's time for you to give the quote of the next chapter.
Yume: ::muttering:: Liar. . .
'Oh God help me!'
Yume: ::glaring at Smack:: What are you going to put me through next?
Smack: I can't tell you! Until next time. . .
Thanks to. . .
miLady: You know, you're the only person who wished me a happy birthday. This chapter is up so soon for you because it made me happy that someone actually pays attention to my author's notes. I'm glad Yume has been redeemed. You would think that Nuriko could have been saved but you know. . .like I said, nothing is ever truly final.
Otaku Pitcher: It's lacking explanation because Yume doesn't communicate her feelings. It's part of her personality therefore I can't change it. She doesn't explain her actions always, because sometimes there is no explanation. I hope you understand. The author's note gives a little insight but that's all I can do. I've read fics where Nuriko is saved by some crazy miracle and I agree: it just doesn't seem right.
Songwind: I'm glad you agree that Nuriko's death was important (it pretty much changes everything in the story because of the way Yume reacts). And I did continue soon so I hope you're happy.
Cortney: Kim is annoying isn't she? I wouldn't even include her but I told the real Kim that she could be in my story. I think I'm going to fire her. She's mean and I gave her a small part. My obligation is fulfilled. I'm glad you don't hate me. And I'll see what I can do about reading your story whenever you post it.
Author's Note: Hey, you guys made me so happy with the tremendous response that I got from the last chapter that I decided to put this one up really fast for you. But I did it mostly for miLady because she wished me a happy birthday. ( Umm. . .I would like to take this time to warn you that this chapter has an increased amount of swearing in it. (Bad Yume!) Being angry and blaming herself is how she deals with loss and pain, which is not the best way to deal with your problems. So she is pretty much pissed at the world and out of control in this and the next few chapters (which isn't exactly stated in the actual chapter). Well, there's your warning and here's the chapter.
'. . .' are dialogue which is inside Yume's head.
Chapter 20: Conflicting Emotions
I sat outside the cave, looking at the trampled, bloodstained ground. They left me to look for the Shinzaho with little objection. 'Maybe they actually understand that I want to be alone, for once,' I thought irritated by the whole ordeal. 'It serves you right for getting attached. You should know better than that by now,' one of the voices that inhabit my head scolded. 'Maybe I should have gone with them. It probably would have been better than sitting out here hearing voices and feeling sorry for myself.' I looked over towards where the body of our enemy, Ashitare, was. It was gone. 'What the-?' I thought. 'Does that mean he's still alive?' I didn't think much of it. If he were still alive, he would probably go after me so I would know by now.
After about a half hour of waiting, they emerged with the relic but they didn't look too happy. "We need another one," Miaka called to me. "It's pretty though, isn't it?" She held it up and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of gray. Before anyone could react, a wolf appeared and snatched the Shinzaho from Miaka and ran off. Shiriko immediately took after it.
"No! Shiriko!" I ran after my pet but I knew I was no match for their speed and endurance. I felt someone pick me up and carry me towards where they disappeared from my view, completely baffled. I was moving faster than I thought was humanly possible. "What the fuck?"
"It's ok, Yume. It's just me. You'd never have caught up with him like that," Tasuki's voice responded. "There he is. If I cut him off, will he attack?"
"Probably but he'll more than likely just go around you," I answered. I didn't like this one bit. "Shiriko!" I began to hum a song quietly.
"What are you doing?" Tasuki asked, oblivious to my reasoning as usual.
"Be quiet and put me down! I have an idea." He put me down and shut up. I resumed singing my quiet melody. I heard Shiriko howl in the distance and continued my song. It was working. A few minutes later, Shiriko emerged from the forest full speed and stopped right in front of me, sitting at my feet. "Good boy." I rubbed his head affectionately.
"What was that?" Tasuki asked, eying me curiously.
"I trained him to come to that song." I walked back towards the group. "Oh, and don't do that again, Tasuki."
"I just wanted to help," he replied defensively.
"I don't need help." 'Or deserve it.' "I'm going back to the inn because I need to change clothes."
"You might not want to go there dressed like that," Tamahome warned.
I looked down at my ripped cloak and bloodstained clothes. "Fine." I walked into the forest, carrying my bag. I changed into one of the dresses I got from the palace. I didn't have much choice. With my cloak pretty much destroyed, I couldn't go back to wearing my normal clothes. I had to dress like the people from this world again. I didn't know what to do with the blood-covered garments so I carried them back to the group.
"You can just leave them here, I guess," Miaka told me.
I dropped them on the ground and returned to Shiriko. "Why don't we stop and get something to eat for lunch before heading for Sairou?" Chichiri suggested. No one but me had any objections but I kept mine to myself anyway and we went back to town.
The group pretty much stayed away from me on our trip to the inn. I couldn't tell whether they did that because they blamed me for Nuriko's death or because they pitied me but wanted to keep away in case I had another outburst. I really didn't care either way. I knew I was responsible for his death and that was enough for me. Once we got to the restaurant, I ordered a glass of that saké stuff Tasuki was always drinking and sat by myself. 'No more getting close to them. Even if it wasn't my fault that I didn't get there in time, Nakago probably sent the wolf man because of my reports so it is still my fault.'
I took a sip of the saké. It was pretty strong stuff compared to what I was used to (my parents give me some liquor now and then). It didn't matter much to me though because the stronger it was, the sooner it would take effect. Tasuki came over and took my glass. "You're too young to be drinking this," he said. Well that was just not fair. I hadn't even gotten intoxicated yet!
"Fuck off. You have no room to talk about the age thing. You're not much older than me. Plus, if you can't tell, I've had a bad day. Why do you care if I get drunk?" I retorted. I reached for the glass. The alcohol hadn't even begun to take its effect on me. It was mine and I wanted it back.
"Come with me outside for a moment. You could use some fresh air," he ordered.
"I could use some saké! Give it back!!!" He grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. The others watched but no one made a move to help me. I didn't expect them to. Shiriko couldn't do anything because the owner had made me tie him up outside. "Let me go!"
"No! You're coming with me!"
"You really suck!"
"I don't care! I'm not going to let you get drunk. That's not what you need right now," he stated.
"You're right. What I need is to get out some anger and you're here so I guess I'll start with you!" I was really upset and confused and all he was at that moment was an obstacle that wouldn't go away.
"Go ahead. If that's what will make you feel better, do it." He stood there, ready to let me beat him senseless. I punched him in the gut but he didn't even try to block or fight back.
"Aren't you even going to defend yourself?" I asked, a little surprised.
He shook his head. "No. If it will make you feel better, I'll let you and I won't try and stop you."
"Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you care so much?"
"I don't like seeing people unhappy. It's not like you to give up on yourself like this."
Normally, that kind of confession would mean something to me. Right now, it sounded like a trick. "What should you care if I'm upset? I'm nothing to you. You don't even know me so how can you know what's like me?"
"I want to get to know you, though. Look, Yume, what I'm trying to say is, I want you to be happy and if you'll give me a shot, I want to try and make you happy." That was not what I was expecting. It threw me off and snapped me back to reality, a reality where I have to let him down. Hard. 'He looks like he really means it but I can't. Here it goes. . .'
I laughed a little. "Weren't you listening? You don't even know me. You can't care about someone you don't know," I replied harshly.
"But I want to get to know you if you'd just let me. Damn it, Yume! Why can't you let anyone get close to you?"
'I did and he's dead. Put two and two together, dumb ass.' "Look, Tasuki. I'm sorry if I mislead you but I have absolutely no feelings for you. I was just messing around. I'm sorry you took it so seriously." He looked really hurt. "Now, I'm going on a walk because I need some time alone. This is too much for me to handle right now. Please don't follow me." I turned my back on him and walked away. That was the hardest performance I've ever had to do in my life. I felt a few tears roll down my cheek. I didn't even bother to stop them.
'I had to do it. What happens when he finds out that I've been spying for Nakago the whole time? Besides, I don't even really care for him so it would be mean anyway. He's too good for me. I'm nothing but a fake and a weak one at that. I'm sure he'll find someone else,' I thought. 'But will you?' my heart asked. 'Ugh! Damn voices! I need to meditate.' As I wandered through the fog-filled forest searching for a remote spot to meditate at, I heard talking. "You mean like controlling him through sex?" a voice that sounded like Miaka's said.
"Exactly," another voice that sounded suspiciously like Taiitsu-kun's answered. I walked towards them and decided to join in the conversation. 'Maybe Taiitsu-kun can help me sort out my problems.'
"Hi Taiitsu-kun. Hi Miaka," I greeted.
"Hi Yume," Miaka replied.
"Who are you?" Taiitsu-kun asked. 'Wait, shouldn't she know?'
"It's Yume. Remember? You said she'd be important and sent her with us," Miaka explained.
"Yea, you should know me. I remember you. You're just as ugly as the last time I met you," I added, testing her response.
"Oh yea. Now, Miaka, by engaging in intercourse you can gain control of Nakago's life force rendering him helpless," Taiitsu-kun explained.
"I thought priestesses had to be virgins," I commented.
"Yui isn't a virgin anymore and they haven't given up yet," Taiitsu-kun replied.
"She's not?!?" I exclaimed in disbelief.
"No, now shut up. This concerns the priestess not some outsider," she ordered. Then, turning to Miaka, she said, "Are you going to do it? It may be the only way to get back the Shinzaho."
"I'll do it," Miaka replied, gravely. "I have to." She looked really sad. 'She probably wanted to save herself for Tamahome. She may still be able to. Something tells me that that isn't the real Taiitsu-kun.'
"Good. Yume? You'll take care of Miaka's whereabouts won't you?"
"Sure." "Taiitsu-kun" disappeared, leaving me with Miaka. "Miaka, don't do it. I think it's a trap."
"I have to and why would Taiitsu-kun try and trick me? She's on our side, remember?" she replied.
"I don't know how to explain it but I don't think that was the real Taiitsu- kun."
"What makes you say that?" she asked.
"She didn't know who I was, what she was saying doesn't even make sense, and she didn't care that I called he ugly." Miaka shook her head.
"But then what are we going to do to get the Shinzaho back? We need it," she asked.
"I'll go instead. You're too important to risk like that. Either way, we'll still end up with control of his life force. It doesn't matter if I'm a virgin or not so we'll still be able to call Suzaku."
"Thanks a lot, Yume. But are you sure?" I nodded. "I'll come up with an alibi for you." She hugged me. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. I know you tried to save Nuriko."
"I don't need your pity. Just tell me where the camp is so I can get this over with."
"Their camp is that way. Please be careful, Yume."
I took off in the direction she pointed. I didn't really want to go to Nakago's camp or try to "control his life force." I was under a lot of stress and there wasn't much else I could do. I wouldn't send Miaka to that fate. No one deserved that, not even her. 'Although I am pretty close to deserving a fate like that.' Plus, I had a few things to say to Mr. Nakago and nothing to lose but my worthless life. But I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I'm too important to him. He wouldn't want to risk his spy. He's stupid but not that stupid.
Author's Note:
Smack: There ya go. That's probably the worst chapter in the history of this fic but it's needed. Actually, the next few chapters are going to be a lot like that. Minus a few instances where Yume goes insane and her importance to this world is actually revealed to her. . .Oops. . .
Yume: ::perks up:: Wait, what?
Smack: Nothing, no one. Smack knows nothing. ::twiddles thumbs and whistles::
Yume: I know you said something important! What did you say?
Smack: I said it's time for you to give the quote of the next chapter.
Yume: ::muttering:: Liar. . .
'Oh God help me!'
Yume: ::glaring at Smack:: What are you going to put me through next?
Smack: I can't tell you! Until next time. . .