'ALLO! Scare here. Ah yes, our resident porcupine makes progress in realizing the error of his ways right as the female protagonist goes on an innocent (? ;) ) outing with another man. I must say that I revel in the shoujo of it all! -Scare
Okay...so, I know this is Scare's chapter, but I have to add a little note: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS. They're really encouraging. We love hearing from you all and getting your opinions. Hope you enjoy! -Saerenae
* Kelis Nilifer *
I came back to my senses when I faintly tasted blood, yanking my thumb out from between my teeth and wiping it on my skirt. It was a bad habit that didn't help anything. In the back of my mind I resolved to just stop it. But my thoughts were consumed with other things.
I had finally realized, after everything, that the person I loved was never going to love me back.
I wasn't quite prepared for this. Had I brought it upon myself by asking him if it bothered him, me going somewhere with Eli? But I'd had to know. Something I had wanted from him, maybe desperate for affirmation of the feeling I had, something more than what we had that I was starting to need. All of that had ended up wrecking everything. It all felt like it was floating around me, useless shatters.
I dropped my face into my hands, calming down on my own time. After a few moments I felt hands gently close around my wrists, tugging my arms back down.
"Are you okay?"
"Eli..." I was both disappointed that the one standing before me wasn't the person who had just tried to verbally tear me apart and overjoyed that it was the person who seemed to spread happiness wherever he went. I needed that right now. "I am and I'm not. I don't know," I said, sniffing.
"Tell me what I can do. Anything," he looked at me intently.
"Distract me?" I smiled weakly at him. "Let's just continue as we were,"
"Alright then," he twined his fingers with mine and started leading me towards the front door. "Are you still hungry? I know when I get sad I lose my appetite,"
"Really? I'm the opposite. I always want sweet things when I'm sad," I admitted sheepishly. Eli chuckled and I felt my own smile become a bit more sincere.
"Kelis," Armin met us at the door. "I'm going after him... Are you still going forward with your plans?" He glanced at Eli.
"Yes," I nodded firmly.
"Good," Mikasa chimed in, smiling a bit at me and seeming satisfied.
"Have fun, then," Armin jogged away from the mansion.
"Don't bring her back too late either," Mikasa raised her eyebrows at Eli.
"Er, okay," he blinked, looking away from her. "You have some scary friends," he commented once we were out of earshot.
"Scary? No, not really. Just... damaged," I shrugged.
"Yeah, that's true too..." he tilted his head, considering the aftermath of the titans on all of us. "You know, Armin told me that Commander Levi was jealous of me being near you," he glanced at me, looking for my opinion on the matter.
"That's not possible," I laughed hollowly. "He loves someone else. I'm pretty much a nuisance to him,"
"Really..." Eli squeezed my hand, frowning. "I don't get it,"
"What?"
"Why you want to deal with being hurt like this. Of course I know that lots of things aren't my business, but I really don't want you being unhappy,"
"Thanks, Eli. I can handle this, though," Somehow...
"Are you planning on staying with him forever?"
"Wh-what?" I jumped.
"You heard me," he bumped me gently.
"... I... I guess not," It had never occurred to me, that there would be a separation from Levi, or anything after him. I simply hadn't considered it.
"Good," Eli nodded.
"Good?" I echoed.
"That you're not taken, I mean,"
"Uh... um. What?"
"I said it before, right? I like you," he grinned at me, ever a radiant beacon of light. Before I could form a reply or even consider his intentions or what I thought of them he tugged me to the left. "It's here," we slipped into a modest building that had the most delicious smells wafting around it.
"Wow..." I looked around. I'd never even known anything like this was here...
"Kelis?" Familiar voices...?
"Sasha, Connie?!" I stared at them, both behind the counter wearing aprons.
"Oh my gosh!" Sasha leapt over the counter, falling over bar stools before scrambling up and coming to hug me. Connie simply used a gate on the side of the counter and approached us, grinning. "I didn't know you were in the interior!" Sasha cried out, shaking my shoulders.
"I didn't know you were here either!" I replied, compelled to match her volume.
"Calm down, guys," Connie sighed. "It is really good to see you, Kelis. Hey, Eli,"
"You know each other?" I asked.
"Yeah, he helped get our name out there. Business is good," Connie laughed.
"Couldn't hog all the goodness to myself," Eli shrugged.
"Since it's you guys, how about half price on what you order?" Connie offered.
"On the house!" Sasha jumped in.
"Uh, no," Connie said flatly. "The usual, Eli?"
"With dessert, please, whichever one you think is best. Thank you," Eli dipped his head.
"Why not on the house? They're our friends!" Sasha followed Connie into the back kitchen, pestering him.
"Get off my back, woman!"
We laughed as we sat on the bar stools. I spun around in circles on mine until I was dizzy. "Geez," Eli laughed at me.
"Soooo," I swayed back and forth a bit until my dizziness faded. "You said that Pixis was more like a father than a grandfather... Do you mind me prying?"
"Not at all. My parents were sent out on the 'recovery' mission after Shinganshina fell, so my grandfather raised me until I was old enough to enter military training. He's always been incredibly supportive,"
"That's very good to hear," I smiled up at him. Sitting down we were a lot closer in height. Still, very uneven, but I'd take what I could get.
"I've been lucky in life, having anything at all in the way of family and then getting something so great," he turned his smile on me. "What about you?"
"Oh... Well, my parents died during the attack on Shinganshina, and after that..." I trailed off, thinking of the man that had come to be my father, Erwin Smith. But this was something I hadn't even told Levi. I'd always thought he'd be the first I told... But what was the point of that now? "Once I joined the scouts, Commander Erwin became a sort of father figure for me,"
"That's good. He was another good man," Eli paused, and then guilt flashed across his features. "And what about Commander Levi? What did he become to you?"
"Why are you so concerned about him, Eli...?"
"What, it's not like he's the only one who can get jealous," he mumbled shyly.
"Between Levi and I, nothing like that... exists," I looked away, feeling relieved when Connie brought the food out.
"It's half price," he actually sounded triumphant at that.
"Take victories when you can get 'em, eh, buddy?" Eli laughed.
"Yeah, but what're you gonna do?" Connie shrugged and smiled. "Enjoy,"
"Waah..." I was basically drooling.
"You're too cute," Eli smiled and then laughed, sliding me a fork. "No need to wait, let's dig in," It was unsurprising that the main dish was a potato, but it was also a heavenly potato filled with cheese and bacon and everything else good in the world. The desserts were quite generous as well. Admittedly, I ate most of the sweet things available.
"Thank you!" Eli called after we were done eating.
"Thank you too, Eli. I can pay you back later, for that,"
"No worries, it was my treat," he said it naturally, as if that was the obvious way for it to be. "Hey, so..."
"Hm?"
"Let's take the long route back," he suggested, blushing.
"O-okay," we held hands again, walking slowly. It was dusk now, the brights colors of sunset beginning to fade into blackness and stars.
"Have I been okay today?" Eli blurted suddenly.
"Of course,"
"Kelis, I think that you haven't..." he shook his head. "I mean..."
"Eli, you're about as awkward as I am," I laughed.
"Yeah, almost," he chuckled, looking a bit relieved.
"You know," I began. "I've never taken the time to look at everything that's around here in the interior. How many things there are to see,"
"How about I show them all to you, then?" He offered, smiling warmly but still serious. "Bit by bit,"
"O-okay..." I looked away, feeling my face redden again. I found myself thinking that we got back to the mansion too soon.
"Well then... I'm not that good at planning, but I'll be sure to stop in, keep in touch, until next time," Eli rambled, blushing.
"G-good! I look forward to it,"
"So... how was all the dessert?" He asked with an impish grin.
"Sorry, sorry, chocolate just goes so well with depression," I mumbled.
"I..." Eli touched my cheek, the scarred one, sending electric spasms through my body. He grazed his mouth against mine, applying more pressure for a fuller touch when I didn't protest. He smiled nervously and happily when he leaned back. "Tastes good,"
My face felt like it was on fire. "Eli, that line,"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't really sure where I was going with it either at first," he sounded sheepish, but too happy to be sorry about it. "But, seriously... your mouth tastes like apples..." his whole face flushed red. "I'll stop now,"
"... Um... You ended on a good note," I mumbled.
"Good," he snuck in another kiss. "Goodnight, Kelis," he smiled warmly before turning away.
"G-g... Goodnight!" I called after him, then rushed inside the house. It was quiet, everyone probably already having decided to turn in. I went to the room I was now sharing, finding Mikasa reading the fairy tale I had taken.
"Hello, Kelis. How was it?"
"It went well," I sat on the bed next to her, sprawling out.
"You know that I hate Levi, right?" She said suddenly.
"Yes, I know," I blinked at her, wondering what point she wanted to make.
"He said some awful things today, but even I can understand that they came from a place of pain, so I know you know that too. But that's not an excuse. You need to start looking out for your own happiness," she sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I'm biased against him anyways, but as a friend this is the best advice I can give you,"
"That book," I pointed at it. The Beauty and the Beast... "In the end, she saves the monster's life and turns him back into a human by loving him,"
"Way to spoil it for me..." she had only been about halfway through.
"It really is so unrealistic, just like he said," my voice broke, and Mikasa put an arm around my shoulders as I buried my face in her neck. "You can't heal someone just by loving them."