HOPEFUL DREAMS & HIDDEN DESIRES
Hi guys!
First and most importantly; major shout out and a huge thank you to 'srock' for making the awesome drawing I'm now using as a cover image for this story! You are great! :)
Secondly I really hated the idea of letting all of you hanging until Thursday, I found a minute to upload chapter 20 now. Thank you for all of your reviews for chapter 19. I love that you're all so invested in this. You guys are amazing!
To AnnaBir (and all of her fellow Icelanders really): Well if this amazing team from Iceland didn't suck you in to the world of football, then I'm sure nothing would! ;) Congratulations on your team's performance – they are such an awesome bunch and you guys have every reason to be proud of them! TILLYKKE MED KVARTFINALEPLADSEN! Det er for sindssygt! :O I'll be cheering on you guys on sunday for sure!
To one of the guest reviewers: Of course Callie doesn't HAVE to say yes – nobody ever HAS to do anything, there is ALWAYS a choice…and the consequences of saying no was also listed: the press on her tail to no end (and trust me, when I say that, that WOULD happen – it's my area of expertise) and some of her friends and family questioning her about her reasons for turning him down. And Arizona clearly stated that she couldn't ask Callie to choose that solution. That only left the options of saying yes or going public. And going public was also out of the picture, leaving only…you guessed it; Callie saying yes to a date with Joshua Halls.
To Fan of Grey's: Thank you. I'm really happy you feel that way!
To Patpricka: Thank you for being here from the beginning and sticking with the story and me – I really appreciate that. I love all my silent readers – there is a lot of you out there. Thank you for taking the time to review though; it's always nice to know what people think to get a feel if I'm on the right track. A lot of the things you point out will sort of be addressed in this chapter. But I disagree with you about those falling outs being only Callie's 'fault'. Of course Callie has to pay attention and take Arizona's need for taking it slow into consideration. But in my opinion, that goes the other way around as well. Maybe sometimes Arizona needs to ask herself if she couldn't accommodate Callie's wishes a little more than she does.
To Scampers0213: Very, very valid and awesome observations – you're going to like this chapter! ;)
And now on to chapter 20. I have to warn you; I'm doing something with Mark in this chapter (it's right in the beginning actually) and there's a distinct possibility some of you will absolutely HATE it! I know that, and it's fair to have an opinion about it, but again; this is my story and like everything else it has a purpose. I really hope that I don't have all of you fleeing from the story after reading it. Please trust me :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's or any of the characters - they all belong to the lovely Shonda Rhimes and ABC. I'm just toying with them for fun with no intentions of profiting.
Happy reading! :) By the way, this is one looooong chapter…
CHAPTER 20:
Arizona was having the worst day. The worst week actually. It was Friday and since coming back from Easter break Monday evening she'd only seen Callie at work. She'd driven by Callie's house on her way home from the airport, but the brunette hadn't been there. Arizona knew that for a fact, because after knocking for ten minutes, she used the key, Callie had given her when they started spending the night at each other's places, to let herself in and leave the bouquet of flowers she'd picked up for her girlfriend. Four days later it was now very clear to Arizona that the brunette was avoiding her, and that really bothered Arizona. But what bothered her more was the sadness she could detect in the beautiful chocolate brown eyes whenever she got a quick glimpse of Callie.
The blonde found herself strolling through the studio and different sets whenever she wasn't shooting these past three days, hoping to get the chance to talk to the other woman alone. And like any other day this week that was exactly how she spent this two hour break she happened to have now. She knew that Callie was supposed to shoot a scene with April and Andrew Deluca today in set 1, so she decided to look for the brunette there first.
When she opened the door to the set she stopped dead in her tracks. She stared as Andrew Deluca very quickly removed his hand from Mark's rough cheek while the older man pulled his hand out from Andrew's other hand's soft grasp at the same time.
"Uh, sorry. I was just looking for Callie. I'll go now. And leave you to whatever it is you were doing. Okay. Bye" Arizona stammered with evident shock in her voice, before turning around and shutting the door behind her.
She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes resignedly. If she just walked in on what she thought she walked in on, then her relationship with Callie just got so much more complicated. She groaned. She didn't need that.
She was shaken from her musings as the door she was leaning against was opened and she fell backwards. Just before she hit the floor a strong arm caught her around the waist and she looked up into the panicked and sad blue eyes of Mark.
"Shit, I'm sorry Arizona. I didn't know you were leaning against the door. I thought you left" Andrew quickly apologized.
Mark guided Arizona back to her feet and kept his hand on her lower back until she got her balance back. The blonde woman smiled at the younger man. "It's okay Andrew. Nothing happened. And I was just taking a few moments to gather myself. Because I have to be honest with you guys; I don't know what I just walked in on, but I'm making a few conclusions in my head."
Mark gave her a small smile. "And I'm going to be honest with you; they're probably right." The man sighed. "Look Arizona. I…" Arizona watched as the blue eyes before her filled with tears and Andrew stepped a little closer to Mark. "Do you want to talk about this? I totally understand if you don't want to, but I also understand if you have a few questions. And I'll answer whatever you ask me." Arizona continued to look at Mark. A few tears had now escaped his eyes and were making their way slowly down his cheeks. "No matter what you choose though, I beg you not to tell anyone about us. Please. I know it's a big favor to ask, especially because of your friendship with Callie, but we need to do this at our own pace."
The blonde woman swallowed. Even though Mark didn't realize it, she knew exactly how he felt. And she felt more empathy and cohesion with Mark in that moment, than ever before. "I'm not going to tell anyone." Arizona watched as Mark sighed in relief. "I have to say, I'm really surprised though. I would have never ever guessed the two of you were together. And I really only have one question I need an answer to" she paused momentarily. Mark nodded his head for her to go on. "I'm assuming that Andrew was the missing piece to the puzzle in regards of your divorce from Callie, and I need you to honestly tell me if you ever cheated on her with him?" the blonde woman asked Mark as she pointed to Andrew.
"NO. Of course not. I would never do that to Callie, Arizona. But you're right. He kind of is the missing piece. Shortly after Andrew joined the cast more than a year and a half ago, we started hanging out a lot after work. And I don't know how or why, but slowly I just started feeling more and more distanced from Callie and more and more drawn to Andrew. It was like she wasn't enough anymore, Arizona. And I fought really hard to get the spark back in my marriage with Callie, because I really wanted her to be it for me. I love her. But no matter what I didn't succeed. She just wasn't it, you know. And I had to accept that. When I asked her for divorce, Andrew didn't even know how I felt. And I didn't make any sort of move on him until months later. I was so confused about everything going on. Please believe that" Mark answered sincerely. Tears were now freely flowing down his face and the blonde felt really bad for her screen-partner. Andrew had reached out and put his hand on Mark's shoulder for support. By the softness of the touch, there was no doubt in Arizona's mind that the younger man cared deeply for Mark.
Arizona granted Mark a smile. "Of course I believe you. I trust you, Mark. I know you wouldn't lie to me. And I'm really happy to hear that. Because that would have put me in an awful position. Well worse than it already is I might add! And I really think you need to tell Callie, Mark. She should hear this from you. I'm sure she'll understand. Anyway, I'm going to go now. Leave you two alone. You should be more careful in the future though. I mean if you don't want to be caught by anyone."
Mark engulfed Arizona in a long, tight hug. "Thank you blondie. I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me. I really owe you big time."
The blonde pulled back, smiled at the two men and made her way to the door. This was such a mess. As she closed the door behind her, she spotted Teddy walking towards her.
"Hey, there you are! I've been looking all over for you" the honey-blonde said with a smile. "Addison and I wanted to know if you're free for dinner tonight at our place?"
Arizona sighed and smiled in return. A night with her friend and her friend's fiancé was just what she needed. "Oh, I totally am! That sounds really nice. Thank you"
"Great" Teddy exclaimed. "And Callie is going to be there as well, so it'll be a girls' night, just like on your birthday."
The blonde inhaled sharply. "Awesome. I can't wait" she spoke as she sent Teddy her best fake smile. That was so NOT what she needed.
Teddy lopped her arm through Arizona's. "Me neither. Want to grab a coffee with me?"
Arizona nodded her head. "Lead the way."
That night Arizona was standing outside Teddy and Addison's apartment. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds later it was opened and a smiling Teddy greeted her. "Hey you. Come on in. Dinner is almost ready. Addi and Callie are in the kitchen."
The blonde stepped inside and took of her jacket. Then she made her way to the kitchen where Addison and Callie were talking and laughing. The two women looked up, when Arizona entered the room. The red head smiled brightly at Arizona and walked over to greet her. "Arizona, hi. I'm so glad you could make it."
Arizona smiled at Addison. "Thank you for inviting me." The blonde looked at Callie, who moved from her spot leaning against the counter and approached the blonde. Before Arizona knew what was happening, Callie was hugging her. The blonde threw her arms around the brunette and couldn't help but inhale the scent of the other woman. She hadn't been this close to Callie for nine days and she really missed her.
All too soon though, the brunette pulled back, and Arizona saw the sheen of tears in chocolate brown eyes. Callie quickly pulled herself together. "Hey. Thank you for not leaving me alone with the horny fiancées" the brunette smirked as she glanced over her shoulder at Addison.
The blonde chuckled. "Yeah, I figured that would be mean!" Arizona couldn't help herself, as she reached out and slowly trailed her hand down Callie's arm out of Addison's sight.
The blonde quickly pulled it back when the red head announced that dinner was ready.
Callie and Arizona made their way to the table and sat down next to each other leaving Addison to sit across from Callie and Teddy to sit across from Arizona.
"This is really nice. Thank you for coming guys. It means a lot to us that you're both here. And get along so well. You are our best friends and maids of honor after all" Teddy said with a big smile.
The brunette smiled back. "Well, I'm really only here because of the free meal" Callie deadpanned.
Addison chuckled. "Yeah, I know you're only friends with me because of my impeccable cooking skills."
Callie laughed. "Oh please, I can find my own way around a kitchen. I'm friends with you because you're my boss and I want to keep my job" the brunette stated with a serious, yet playful, face.
Addison pouted at that. "That's just mean, Callie."
Teddy leaned over and placed a kiss on the red head's cheek. "Don't be sad. I love you. That should be enough" the honey-blonde winked at her fiancé "but speaking of free meals Callie, are you ready for tomorrow?"
Callie felt herself paling a little at the question and glanced at Arizona out of the corner of her eyes. The blonde was looking at her intensely. "What's happening tomorrow?" the blonde asked although she had a feeling she already knew.
The brunette turned and looked straight at the blonde woman. "Tomorrow is my date with Joshua Halls. He's picking me up at noon."
Callie felt bad as she watched sadness appear in the blonde's blue eyes. "Really? That's nice. You're probably going to have a lot of fun. I bet someone like him will organize something mind blowing" Arizona said, trying desperately to keep a straight face.
The brunette shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know what to expect."
"Well I for one can't wait to hear all about it" Addison said with a smile. "But now let's focus on this meal."
Callie and Arizona left the apartment side by side with one last smile back at Addison and Teddy. The dinner had been nice albeit a little uncomfortable for the feuding girlfriends. It didn't seem like Addison and Teddy noticed anything though. Arizona watched as Callie's smile faltered the second they were out of their friends' eyesight.
"Callie?" Arizona asked carefully once they were out of earshot.
"What, Arizona?" came a rough reply from the brunette.
The blonde grabbed Callie's arm and stopped her from walking any further. "Can we please talk? About us and…well your date."
The brunette glanced around the empty hallway. "You want to talk about it here?" Callie harshly questioned.
"I would rather talk somewhere else, but you have been avoiding me like the plague Callie. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Arizona questioned with a shaking voice.
Callie sighed. "Fine! We'll go to your apartment."
Arizona looked at the other woman. The sadness in her eyes was even more present in this moment than it had been during any other time she'd seen the brunette in the last four days. And it made the blonde anxious. "We can go to your house too. It's not a problem for me."
The brunette looked straight into the cerulean blue eyes before saying with a little crack to her voice. "I think we should go to your apartment. I think I would be more comfortable having this conversation at your place." Then the brunette quickly pulled herself together. "Let's go."
Arizona stood frozen for a few seconds. What did Callie mean by that? The blonde felt her heart hammering away inside her chest and she felt like it could just stop beating at any moment.
Arizona couldn't help but stall a little as she and Callie walked to her apartment. She really wanted to talk to the brunette, but at the same time she dreaded this conversation a lot. Why was Callie so set to have this conversation at the blonde's place?
"Come in" the blonde softly said as she opened the door for Callie to walk through. Arizona followed the brunette inside, and threw her purse and keys on the table by the door. She then took of her jacket and shoes as Callie stood nervously off to the side.
"You don't even want to take off your jacket or anything?" Arizona asked lowly.
Callie sighed. "Arizona…I" the brunette stopped. She had no idea how to start this conversation.
The blonde stepped a little closer to the other woman. "I've missed you. I need to tell you that before we talk. I want you to know that."
Callie granted Arizona a small smile. "I miss you too."
The brunette's use of present tense didn't go unnoticed by Arizona and the blonde suddenly felt very nervous. "Callie…?" the blonde carefully asked.
The brunette's face suddenly showed infinite fatigue. "I've been thinking Arizona. And I'm really sorry, but I…" Callie drew in a breath and Arizona watched mesmerizing brown eyes brim with tears.
The blonde reached out to wipe away one that made its way down a flawless caramel cheek, but the brunette pulled back before Arizona's hand made contact with the soft skin. "Callie?" the blonde questioned again. She had a feeling she knew what was coming, and she knew she needed and wanted to stop it, she just didn't know if she could.
"I think we both need to consider this, Arizona. Us. Our relationship. It's like every little step is a fight, and it is almost exclusively centered on the fact that you're not ready for anything. Ever. It's been four months since I kissed you the first time, and I for one am exhausted! I don't ever want to pressure you into anything, but I'm going on a date tomorrow with someone else because you won't even consider telling anyone about you and me. That's insane. I don't want to go on a date with anyone but you! And I can't even do that" Callie softly spoke as tears were making their way down her cheeks.
"I'm giving you one more chance to stop me from going on the date with Joshua tomorrow. Tell me that you know, that you'll be ready to be with me in public in the future. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or even a month from now, but I need to know that you'll be ready someday. I need to know our relationship is going somewhere. Promise me, that I'll get to walk the red carpet with your hand in mine some time, and I'll cancel the date. That's all you have to do. I'll give him some excuse, and I'll live with the press watching my every move for a while if I have to. But I need to know I'm doing it for a reason. You need to give me that, Arizona. Please." Callie was begging, and she knew it. But these were desperate times and they called for desperate measures.
Arizona had tears streaming down her own cheeks now. The ball was in her court. All she needed to do was confirm to Callie that they had a future together. A future that included public dating and red carpet events by each other's sides. If she did that, Callie's date with Joshua would no longer be an issue and they could go back to how things were.
A loud sob left the blonde. "I can't Callie. I'm so sorry." As soon as the words were out, Arizona felt like she couldn't breathe.
Callie's squeezed her eyes shut for a second. She somehow knew that was how this was going to go. But she still felt like her heart was being pierced with a thousand needles. She opened her eyes again and looked at Arizona. From the dejection swimming around in blue orbs, Callie knew that the blonde was very much aware of what was coming now. "Thank you for being honest with me. And I'm really sorry, but then I…" Callie choked on her words and an involuntary sob left her mouth. "…then I can't be with you anymore."
At that moment Arizona was sure her heart stopped beating. Suddenly everything hurt, but at the same time she felt numb. "No Calliope! Please! Don't do this! Don't! I…" the blonde paused. 'Just say it' she thought to herself. Tell her how you feel about her.
Callie was observing the blonde intensely. The blue eyes conveyed every feeling possible in that moment and the brunette kind of knew what Arizona was struggling to say. But if anything was going to change, she needed to hear the words.
"Please don't leave me" Arizona pleaded with a shaking voice.
Callie sighed and a fresh wave of tears hit her. "I have to Arizona. I want to give you everything. I want to make you happy. I do. But I need to think about me too. And I need to know that this is going somewhere. That I'm not just pastime until some guy comes along and sweeps you off your feet right in front of me. Because I can't put myself through that, Arizona."
The blonde now sobbed uncontrollably and it took everything in Callie to not just take her words back and console the crying blonde. "I'm so sorry Arizona. I really wished that things were different." The brunette took in a deep breath. "I'm going to go now or else I won't be able to leave. I'll see you at work on Monday." With that Callie made her way to the door.
"Please stay." The muffled words from the devastated blonde made the brunette stop by the door.
"I can't, Arizona" Callie stated with a shaking voice before opening the door and leaving the blonde.
Arizona was knocking furiously at the door. Her tears had slowed but hadn't stopped. She was heartbroken and she had no idea what to do. She'd been knocking for five minutes and nobody had answered. She was starting to resign to the fact that she wouldn't be let in. But just as she considered leaving, the door was yanked open and a very disheveled Addison appeared.
The blonde took in the red head's state. She had on a very short robe that plunged deeply on the front and Arizona made a mental bet with herself, that the other woman was naked underneath. Her hair was a mess, her lips were swollen and she had a fresh hickey on her chest.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Addison. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I'm going to leave" Arizona choked out and made a move to walk back down the hallway.
"Arizona?" A rumbled Teddy asked as she appeared behind Addison securing her own robe around her body.
Arizona's tears were back in full force at the sight of her friend. "Teddy" she choked out.
The honey-blonde stepped past her lover and caught Arizona in a hug before the blonde collapsed in a heap on the floor. "Oh my God, what's happened Arizona?" Teddy worriedly asked, as she caressed her friends' back.
Arizona just sobbed onto the honey-blonde's shoulder in reply as she clung to her. Teddy looked at Addison with concern.
The red head stepped forward. "Arizona, please come inside and tell us what's going on. You've got us really worried" Addison said as she put a hand on the blonde woman's shoulder.
Arizona reluctantly released Teddy and made her way in to the apartment as she hiccupped from all the crying. She walked straight to the couch and plopped down. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks and her breathing was strained.
Teddy came and sat down next to her and placed a hand on the blonde's knee and Addison sat down at the coffee table in front of Arizona. The two women shared a look as their guest just sat there staring off into space.
"Ariz…" Teddy started with a loving voice, but was cut off by the blonde.
"I'm in love with Callie. But I couldn't even tell her that. And I think she might be in love with me too. But tonight after the dinner, she left me because I'm not ready to tell people about our relationship" Arizona choked out before starting to sob again.
Teddy's jaw dropped and she looked at her fiancé who had a really confused yet surprised look on her face.
"What? I'm sorry, WHAT?!" Addison asked with wide eyes.
"I'm in love with Callie. But I couldn't…" the blonde woman started again but was cut off by Addison.
"I heard you the first time, I'm just really confused. You're telling us that Callie and you were having a thing?" the red head asked.
Arizona looked at Addison with fire in her sad, tear filled eyes. "We weren't 'having a thing' Addison. We were girlfriends. It's serious. Or WAS serious I guess…" the blonde trailed off clearly hurt.
Teddy soothingly caressed her friend's jean clad thigh, while she sent her fiancé a pointed look. "She didn't mean it like that Arizona. We're just both really surprised I guess. We didn't even know any of you were into women."
Arizona turned her angry and sad blue eyes at her honey-blonde friend. "YOU didn't know you were 'into women' until you met Addison. I at least thought you would understand this, Teddy. Neither of us has been with a woman before, and I think it's safe to say, that we deal with it in VERY different ways. Which is why I'm here now. Being a total mess. Hoping for some sort of understanding or guidance from my friends" The blonde exclaimed.
Addison exhaled loudly as she ran her hand through her hair. It was very clear that her and her lover weren't handling this very well. "Okay. I think we need to just take a break and start over. I'm sorry we're so bad at this Arizona. It's not our intention to diminish what you and Callie had or insult you in any way. We're here for you. Tell us everything from the beginning, and we'll help you as best as we can" the red head softly said.
Arizona looked at her lap for a second and sighed. Teddy sent her fiancé a loving and grateful look and mouthed a 'thank you' before turning her attention back to her heartbroken friend.
Arizona started fumbling with her hands. "Well, as you know we had gotten really close friends really fast. And then at the Christmas party we kind of had a moment and she kissed me. And I freaked out. Like ran-from-the-party-and-avoided-her-until-I-flew-to-Georgia-for-Christmas freaked out."
"The Christmas party? But that's four months ago. Have you guys been together for four months?" Addison asked softly.
Arizona shook her head. "No. Because like I said, I ran full speed as far away from her as I could. Even though I really liked the kiss! And her. I ignored all of her text messages and calls during Christmas, which was why she started calling you on the 22nd Addison. Naturally she was worried about me. And she deserved so much better than how I was treating her back then" the blonde said as she gave a small smile to the red head.
"Then after New Year's we kind of decided to just forget about the whole thing and continue or friendship. But that didn't work at all. It was really awkward and we didn't seem to click at all anymore. And then she got nominated for an Academy Award. And you brought Erica back" Arizona said and bit her lower lip as she looked at the red head.
"And you got jealous" Addison concluded.
Arizona smiled a little and shrugged her shoulder. "I think I did. Kind of. I couldn't help but to really resent Erica. She left! And it didn't seem like she'd worried about Callie at all for seven months. But she still got to come back here and stand next to Callie on a day she's going to remember forever. That should have been me. I wanted it to be me. And standing there admiring her, I couldn't help but also want to kiss her again. So later that night I went to her house to tell her that. To admit to her, that I liked kissing her too. And we decided to explore it casually. Together" the blonde spoke and smiled a little at the memory.
Arizona then turned her attention to Teddy. "The next day was the day you told me you found the engagement ring. You went totally ballistic at me for not paying attention but spending my time ogling Nathan, remember?"
The honey-blonde chuckled. "Yeah I remember. You we're the worst friend that day! But you weren't ogling Nathan, were you?"
"No" Arizona shook her head. "I was ogling Callie – who was standing next to Nathan. I finally let myself notice how beautiful she really is. And I still feel like I can't ever look at her enough. Then I freaked out and started questioning it all when she was going to your place for dinner the night after that. Just because I didn't get to spend any time with her alone that day, I suddenly doubted again if I could be with her. I was such an idiot. But my mom talked some sense in to me."
"You texted her that night, didn't you? She got a text and this exceptional smile just spread across her face even though she clearly tried to suppress it. I knew instantly that it was from someone special. But she told me some lie about it being from Rei. I figured she would tell me at her own pace" Addison softly said as a look of hurt shot across her face.
Arizona reached out and took the red head's hand. "Please don't be mad at her Addison. It's not her fault. I'm sure she's been dying to tell you, but I've kept her from that. I kind of told her very directly that I didn't want Teddy to know, and I'm sure that prevented her from telling you. She knows you can keep a secret, but she also knows how much of a freak out it would have released from me, if you'd let it slip and I found out. I don't think she was willing to take that chance. There were enough freak outs to deal with already. I'm sorry."
"Why wouldn't you want me to know?" Teddy asked. Now she was the one with the hurt look.
Arizona turned to the other woman and sent her a small smile. "I love you Teddy, I do! You're an awesome friend, the best I've got actually. But I just had this feeling that you'd be all excited and wanted to have us over for dinner or something like that, and I didn't need that. I wasn't ready for that. I needed peace and quiet and I needed to become familiar with being with Callie. Who is a woman. I'm sure you know how life altering it is to suddenly be attracted to a woman. It's like you're a whole new person all of a sudden" the blonde gently stated.
Teddy sent her friend a sympathetic smile and looked briefly at her fiancé. "Yeah, I'm very familiar with that. And you're probably right; I would have been all excited" the honey-blonde chuckled and was joined by the two other women.
Arizona sighed. "Things were really good. We hung out a lot and kissed a lot, more and more as the days passed. But then came my birthday. And I didn't tell her about that. And she got really mad at me. And after we talked it out, she proceeded to arrange the most perfect evening ever. She respected the fact that I wasn't ready to do couply things, and made my birthday all about friendship. It was perfect."
Teddy smiled. "Yeah, that sounds like her. She's a really considerate person. And I for one will love you forever for wanting a birthday without couply things!" the honey-blonde deadpanned.
The blonde chuckled a little. "Yeah, I know. Adele with VIP treatment was FUN! And for what it's worth, I'm still happy I got to share it with you, Teddy" Arizona said with a smile.
The blonde sighed. "Then things were really, really good again. I was so happy to just be with her. But then the day before the Oscars, she wanted to label it all of a sudden. She didn't really ask that anything should change, she just wanted us to be together exclusively. And of course I freaked out and ran again. But then you proposed to Teddy, Addison. And your words just really hit a nerve. I decided right then and there, that I needed to stop being afraid. So I went to her house the next day to tell her that I wanted to be with her too. I found Mark's shoes at the door. He was apparently in her bed snoozing away. And that made me doubt the whole thing a little again. But she didn't hesitate to throw him out despite their obvious hangovers. And after she got a few hours of extra sleep, we talked, decided to be together exclusively, and spent the entire day together on the couch. It was such a great day. Then three weeks ago we agreed on being girlfriends one morning, and I was ecstatic. The mere thought of it had freaked me out just months earlier, but all of a sudden it just felt so perfect saying it" the blonde smiled and the other two women noticed that she got a little twinkle back in her eyes.
"That sounds ni…Wait, one morning? You slept together?" Addison asked.
Arizona blushed a little at the question. "No. Not the way you think anyway. We've slept in the same bed a lot of times, but we haven't had sex. Yet! We've been touching a lot of things lately though. The first and only time Callie ever freaked out just a little bit about us was actually the first time I caressed her breast. But she got over that pretty fast" the blonde spoke with a little nostalgic in her eyes.
Addison and Teddy smiled at each other as Arizona giggled a little. Then suddenly the woman turned serious and her eyes got glossy once again. "Then during Easter she called me and told me that Joshua had asked her out. I knew that if she said no to go on the date with him, then she would be hunted by the press and paparazzi, who no doubt all wanted to find out the reason for her decline. Because he kind of asked her out on live TV at the Oscars. And they are both super stars. She had to say yes. And I told her that. Then she said that there was another option. We could go public with our relationship. She wanted to tell the world, that she's with me, but I wasn't ready for that. And so I told her no" the blonde wiped a few tears from her eyes "and then last night she asked me to tell her, that I'd be ready for a public relationship in the future. But I couldn't even promise her that. And then she said that she couldn't be with me anymore. Because she needs to know that it's going somewhere. And now she's single and tomorrow she's going on what will probably be a wonderful date with Joshua Halls" Arizona finished before bursting into tears once again.
Teddy put her arm around the blonde and hugged her close to her body. "I'm so sorry Arizona. But you don't even know if she'll like Joshua. Maybe it'll be a horrible date."
Arizona shook her head. "It won't" she choked out. "They hung out together at an Oscar afterparty, and if they hadn't clicked he wouldn't have asked her out. They're going to have fun together."
Addison leaned forward a little. "Do you want me to go talk to her, Arizona? Tell her to maybe slow down a little bit. It seems like she kind of just throws things at you, and expect you to adapt to them in an instant. And it's perfectly understandable that you need a little time. Those are giant events. They need to be processed."
The blonde shook her head. "No, you don't have to do that. And I know that it might seem like she does that, but this time it's not wrong of her. She now has to go on a date with someone else, and to her it doesn't seem like I care enough about her to prevent that. But I do, Addison. I really do. She was willing to bend for me, but I just flat out denied doing it for her" Arizona sighed before smirking a little. "And you should lean back by the way, because I can see all the way down your robe."
Addison quickly pulled back and hugged the robe closer to her body. Arizona chuckled and turned to Teddy. "I see you're quite the beast in the bedroom Teddy. You like to leave your mark!"
The honey-blonde blushed at her friend's words. "I can't really help it. At least now I've learned not to do it in visible places" Teddy stated as she smiled at Addison. Then she turned her attention back to Arizona. "What do you need from me? I want to help you. I really hate to see you like this."
The blonde resignedly shook her head. "I don't know." She then sighed loudly. "Can I maybe stay here tonight? I don't really want to go home again, but I really just want to curl up in a bed."
Teddy softly caressed her friend's lower back. "Of course. You can always stay here."
"I'll go make up the guest bed" Addison stated and rose from her seat on the coffee table. On her way to the guest bedroom she paused and turned around. "Do you think I should go check on her Arizona? Is she okay?"
Tears welled in blue eyes. "I think I need to be the one to tell her, that you guys know. I'll do it tomorrow or Sunday. And I'll let you know when, because I do think she needs someone to talk to."
Addison nodded her head in understanding and continued to the guest bedroom.
Arizona locked herself in to the now very familiar house. She knew, that what she was doing was kind of wrong and slightly stalkerish, but she needed to talk to Callie. And she needed to do it today. She breathed in the scent of Callie. The unique blend of sunshine and roses lingered all over the gorgeous home. Arizona felt tears rise in her eyes at the familiarity of it.
The blonde made her way to the living room. On the coffee table stood the bouquet of flowers, she'd delivered in Callie's home five days ago. Arizona took it as a good sign, that the brunette hadn't thrown them out the second she saw them or even after breaking up with the blonde last night. Arizona ever so slowly traced her finger along one of the tulip petals. The bouquet was made of white tulips and light red carnations symbolizing apologies and admiration.
The blonde sighed and sat down on the couch. She looked at her phone. It was 8.13 pm. Arizona had no idea what the date included, but she figured that if Joshua had picked Callie up at noon, the brunette probably wouldn't be home late. She leaned back and turned on the TV knowing she needed a distraction until Callie got back.
Arizona sat unmoving on the couch as some old movie played across the TV. The blonde was really nervous about her coming encounter with Callie. She had no idea how the brunette would react to the blonde's presence in her home. As the movie finished the clock hit 10 pm. The blonde turned off the TV, sighed and leaned her head on the back of the couch. She was getting kind of restless and impatient.
Then she stood up and moved to the wall packed with pictures. She studied the gorgeous brunette on each of the pictures. She was really beautiful when she was younger, but it was clear that she'd really embraced her beauty as the years went by. And that made her look absolutely stunning in the newer pictures.
Arizona then made her way to the brunette's bookshelf. Callie obviously had a very broad taste. Leo Tolstoy's 'Anna Karenina' stood side by side with Stephen King's 'Carrie' and Miguel de Cervantes' 'Don Quixote'.
The blonde pulled out 'Shakespeare's Sonnets' and started slowly flipping through it. It was hard to read as the only light in the room was the light coming from the street outside. As she made it to Sonnet 116 tears once again filled her blue eyes. There, sitting next to one of the greatest and most famous love sonnets, was copies of the three pictures, her and Callie took when they spend the night together for the first time.
Arizona softly traced the outline of the brunette's face on the one where the two of them were kissing. The blonde's heart ached at the sight. It's been ten days since she last kissed Callie. And even though she didn't want to think about it, it was quite possible that she never got to do it again. In that moment Arizona resigned to praying. Callie had to take her back. Because Arizona couldn't bear the thought of the brunette being totally done with her.
Arizona was pulled out of her funk as she heard a car door slam and muffled voices outside the front door. She put the book back and once again took a seat on the couch. The blonde glanced at the time on her phone. It was 20 minutes past midnight. That was one long date. It had to have been good. And then it suddenly hit Arizona; what if Callie invited Joshua inside? How would she ever justify being there. Callie alone she could deal with, even if the brunette decided to throw her out before even talking to her. But if Callie AND Joshua came through that door in a minute then she had nothing. No excuse whatsoever.
Callie stopped in front of her door and played with her keys. She looked at the man before her. He had nice, warm eyes and she had really enjoyed herself on the date. Granted it had been a little much, going on for 12 hours, but it had been fun. "Thank you for a really wonderful date, Joshua. I had a really good time tonight."
Joshua smiled at her and reached out to take a hold of her hand. "Me too, Callie. And thank you for agreeing to go. I know I kind of forced you into it."
The brunette chuckled. "Yeah I could hardly say no after the stunt you pulled at the Oscars." Callie smiled at the man. "But I'm kind of glad I couldn't. It was really fun. Especially the last part of the date. The rest was good too, don't get me wrong, but dancing was fun."
Joshua smiled back. "I'm really happy to hear that you had fun. I did too. Dancing is always fun." The man then stepped closer to Callie. "But personally I really liked the part where we ate. I really enjoyed getting to know you. And I hope your sisters will be forever grateful to you for my notes to them" he winked at Callie.
The brunette chuckled. "Oh they will. Believe me. And they are going to take you up on the offer of a meet and greet, so be prepared for the 'Torres Tornadoes' to hit you, because those three will be out of control."
"If they are anything like you I can easily deal with it" Joshua softly said before leaning in and softly connecting his lips with Callie's.
The brunette held her breath at first as slightly rough lips connected with her own in a soft, lingering peck. Soon she felt herself relax though and she couldn't help but kiss Joshua back. When he pulled away from her, Joshua looked straight into her eyes for a minute before stating "about that second date…"
Arizona was relieved when she heard a car door slam, an engine starting, and the sound of a car driving off. At least that meant that Joshua wouldn't be coming through the front door with the brunette. Then keys were put in the lock and the door opened. Arizona heard Callie exhale loudly and she had no idea if that was a happy sigh or an annoyed sigh. Then shoes were obviously kicked off and the silhouette of Callie appeared in the doorway. She was standing with her side turned to the blonde and Arizona was convinced the brunette hadn't noticed her presence.
"Good date?" the blonde asked in a whisper, but it sounded like she was yelling as her words cut through the silent house.
Callie jumped a little, startled at the presence of another person in her home. "Holy mother of…" she said as she moved to turn on the light. When she hit the switch, the room lit up and a clearly very worn out blonde appeared on her couch. "What are you doing here?" the brunette asked the blonde in a tone that was very hard to decipher.
Arizona looked at Callie. She looked incredible. Her hair was in a messy, braided updo and she wore a tight, pink, one shoulder dress that was somehow both fancy and casual. "Good date?" the blonde asked again, this time with clear emotion in her voice.
Callie sighed and walked to the couch. She wordlessly sat down next to Arizona but with a good foot of space between them. "It was actually. He really went all out" the brunette replied as she eyed the blonde.
"Yeah? What did you do?" Arizona cautiously asked.
"We flew in a hot air balloon across LA. Then we went to the building site of 'The Academy Museum of Motion Pictures' and got a private tour and detailed explanation of the plans. We ate dinner at the rooftop of this deserted building with a perfect view of the city. The food was delivered from 'Norah' in West Hollywood and it was amazing. Lastly he took me swing dancing at 'Maxwell DeMille's Cicada Club'. They opened the club just for us. He's surprisingly good at dancing. Apparently his mother forced him to do all kinds of dance lesson when he was younger" Callie neutrally listed the events of the date.
"Swing dancing, really?" the blonde made a face.
"Arizona" Callie warned as she moved to get up from the couch.
The blonde reached out and put her hand on the other woman's thigh, stopping her from leaving her seat. "I'm sorry, I just…I wouldn't have picked that."
"Well I happened to really like it. I think he knew that, which is why he arranged it" Callie replied a bit harshly.
Arizona closed her eyes briefly. Callie liked the date. Then she opened them again and looked straight at the stunning, miraculous woman next to her. "Did he kiss you?" she whispered.
So many motions twirled around in the chocolate brown eyes before her. "Yes he did" Callie softly spoke.
Arizona felt tears fill her eyes and spill over in a matter of seconds. "Are you going on a second date with him?" the blonde choked out.
Callie gave Arizona a small smile. "No, I'm not."
The blonde looked intensely at the brunette. "Why not? You obviously enjoyed the date. He kissed you, so he must have enjoyed it as well."
The brunette sighed and rose from the couch. She started slowly pacing the room on the other side of the coffee table for a minute. Suddenly she stopped and looked straight at Arizona. "I did enjoy myself. And so did he. And he's a nice guy. Like really nice. Not the least bit full of himself or anything. We talked and laughed together like we've known each other for years."
"He's perfect" Arizona softly said as she sniffled.
Callie moved back to the couch and sat down on her knees in front of the blonde. "He's not. Because he isn't you, Arizona! YOU are perfect. This amazing guy created a perfect date experience for me, and all day I've just wanted to rip my heart from my chest and throw it away. Because no matter how hard I try, or how amazing that date was, I can't shake you. Not from my heart and not from my thoughts. I don't even know if I want to. And I don't know what to do. I want to be with you so bad Arizona. But you couldn't even tell me that you wanted to go public with me, ever. And I know I can't live with the way things were forever. I need to know there are progress and a future in this" Callie sighed and gestured between the two of them.
Arizona looked at the brunette. Tears had welled in brown eyes as well. "I told Teddy and Addison about us."
Callie furrowed her brows in surprise at that. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finding her voice. "When?" she breathed out as a tear made it's way down her cheek.
The blonde reached out and caressed a naked caramel shoulder. She smiled a little as goosebumps instantly formed on the other woman's skin. "Last night. After you left my apartment I drove straight there. I didn't want to bother my mom at that hour, and I really needed a shoulder to cry on. Because I was miserable Callie. I interrupted what was clearly some very passionate sex judging by the hickeys on Addison, but they couldn't really send me away again when I was in that state. They were so worried about what had happened to turn me into such a sobbing mess. And so I told them everything."
Callie reached up and grabbed the ivory hand caressing her shoulder. "What did they say?" the brunette gently asked.
"Well they were naturally very surprised. Then they listened as I recounted our whole relationship. Asked if there was anything they could do for me. Then they made up the guest bed for me, and Teddy stayed there until I exhausted myself from crying. When I got up this morning, Addison made the most amazing breakfast and we talked some more. They're both very fond of the idea of you and me together. Then I decided to come here tonight to tell you, I'd told them. Because you needed to know. I have no idea what I would have done, if you'd invited Joshua in by the way" Arizona said the last part in a whisper so low, that Callie almost couldn't hear it.
"Arizona, I could never do that. I broke it off with you yesterday. What we had meant something to me. I wouldn't just jump into bed with the first person that offered themselves to me. Not that Joshua did. He was very respectful" the brunette softly stated.
The blonde really looked at Callie, and was instantly sucked in by the brown eyes before her. She couldn't help herself as she leaned forward and connected her lips with Callie's. The kiss was soft and gentle. The blonde pulled back just a fraction and kept her eyes closed. "I don't want to stand off to the side and watch as you go on dates with hot guys. Or hot girls for that matter. I want you back, Callie. I want to be the one taking you on amazing dates. Telling Teddy and Addison went really well and it was surprisingly easy. And I want to gradually tell more people. But I can't just take your hand and stroll through downtown tomorrow. That's too much. But I really want you back, Callie. Please." Arizona begged while she sniffled.
The heartfelt words were whispered against plump lips and Callie could see the distress and desperation radiate of the other woman. "Arizona, please look at me" the brunette choked out.
Arizona opened her eyes and was met with understanding, loving and teary brown orbs. "I would never ask you to do that. We would need to tell our families first. Then maybe some of our friends, I definitely would have to tell Mark, and then we could tell the world somehow. We would work it out together" Callie spoke.
The blonde paled a little at the mentioning of Mark. She'd completely forgotten what she walked in on yesterday, until this very moment. Her change in mood didn't go unnoticed by the brunette. "Is that not okay? You wouldn't like doing that?" Callie hesitantly asked.
Arizona nodded her head and smiled. "I would. I really would. And thank you for not agreeing to a second date with Joshua."
The brunette smiled at the blonde. "Actually he was the one who didn't want a second date."
"What? Why? He's a moron. Who wouldn't want to go on a second date with you? And he kissed you!" the blonde exclaimed with a huff.
Callie chuckled. "Hey, we're happy about the no-second-date-thing, remember. And it's not that the kiss wasn't good" Arizona winced at the thought of Callie and Joshua kissing "but I just don't think that either of us got the feeling that it could evolve into something more in a romantic way. But we could no doubt be really good friends. We might go swing dancing again sometime" the brunette said.
Arizona looked at Callie with a serious face. "Erhm, no!"
The brunette pulled back a little and furrowed her brows in confusion. "What do you mean 'no'?"
"No, you don't get to go swing dancing with him. You dated him, Callie. And I know you don't anymore. But you don't get to go swing dancing with an ex-date. He kissed you!" the blonde said as tears again rose in her eyes.
Callie reached out and caressed an ivory cheek. "Hey. I don't have plans of going tomorrow or anything. We're talking way out in the future. And he's not a threat to you in any way. If he had wanted a second date, I would have said no. Because I couldn't do it Arizona. I want to be with you! And you have no idea how happy it made me, that you told Teddy and Addison. It's a step on the way. That's all I asked yesterday. I'm really sorry I pushed you, but I just didn't know what to do. I really didn't want to go on that date, and the only way I could see it not happening was if we went public. I just lost it when you flat out denied that. You didn't even take a moment to consider it."
The brunette sighed before continuing. "I meant what I said though; I hate that everything is a fight and that you panic every time something new is happening. But we will figure this out together, I promise. Because I want you back too."
Arizona smiled at the other woman. "Really? You still want to be with me?" the blonde breathed out and was met with a soft nod from the brunette. Then Arizona turned serious again. "And I know everything is a fight, and I'm sorry about that. But Addison said something, and I think she's kind of right. She said it sounds like you just throw things at me and don't give me any time to process it. And I think we've learned by now, that I'm the kind of person who needs to process. Just because you've processed something doesn't mean I have. We need to be better at communicating. I need to be better at not just refusing something, but tell you that I'll think about it. Because I will always think about it. You have no idea how important you are to me, Callie. But you need to be better at giving me a minute too" the blonde gently said.
Callie smiled in return. "You're really important to me as well. And Addison is one smart woman!"
The blonde chuckled. "Yeah, she really is. But I guess she has a little bit of experience in the area. I don't know how her and Teddy's relationship evolved, we've never really talked about that, but I figure Addison must have gone through something similar with Teds. Because she seems like a person who could freak out a little. Look at how she handled finding the engagement ring."
Callie laughed and leaned forward resting her forehead against the blonde's. "She did freak out. They'd been together for two weeks when Addison told me, and she was really struggling with how to handle Teddy. But they worked it out. And so will we, Arizona."
The blonde smiled. "Yeah we will. And by the way, Addison wanted to come and check on you last night, but I told her not to. I figured I had to be the one to tell you, that I'd told them. I didn't know how you would feel about them knowing, now that you ended us" she softly let out.
The brunette pulled back and looked into cerulean eyes. "I'm sorry I did that. I just couldn't grasp it. I couldn't handle anymore. I was so stressed out about everything, you wouldn't believe it."
Arizona gave Callie a small smile. "It's okay. I get why you did it. What you said made perfect sense to me. I'm just happy I didn't lose you for good. I would have hated myself forever."
Callie leaned in and pecked pink lips. "I'm happy about that too. What do you say we invite Teddy and Addison here for lunch tomorrow? Or it could be at your apartment, if you prefer that? I just think it might be a good idea to talk to them together. Even though you've undoubtedly told them a lot, I'm sure they have all sorts of questions they didn't want to ask you last night or this morning."
Arizona sighed in content at the kiss. "That sounds good. They'll like that. Especially Addison. I could tell she was really worried about you. And it can be wherever, I don't care."
Callie smiled and took an ivory hand into her own and intertwined their fingers. "It's getting late. Do you want to spend the night here? You look really, really tired Arizona" the brunette hesitantly said.
The blonde looked at the brunette. "I would love to. But I really need to know for sure that we're back together, or I'll never fall asleep."
The brunette smiled lovingly at the blonde. "If you'll have me then I'm yours Arizona! Tonight really proved to me, that I never want to kiss anyone other than you ever again."
Arizona stood from the couch pulling Callie up from the floor at the same time. "I always want you Callie. Because I'm absolutely sure that I don't ever want to kiss anyone other than you again too. And we can talk more in the morning. But the important stuff is sorted out for now, so I really just want to go to bed. If that's okay?"
The blonde then turned to make her way towards the stairs, but was stopped as Callie pulled her back and captured her lips in a searing kiss. A soft tongue made its way into Arizona's mouth and the blonde moaned in satisfaction of once again kissing the brunette like this. "I've really, really missed you Callie" the blonde said a little out of breath as they parted.
"I've missed you too." Callie smiled at Arizona. "And now you can go to bed. You're clearly exhausted, so you take the bathroom first. I'll wait."
The blonde leaned up and kissed plump lips one more time. "Thank you. And not for letting me use the bathroom first, but for taking me back. I'm really, really sorry I'm an idiot, that freaks out, Callie" Arizona stated with teary eyes.
"And I'm sorry I'm an idiot that doesn't give you time to process anything" the brunette replied as she caressed an ivory cheek. "Now get your ass to the bathroom. I'll see you in a minute."
Arizona smiled and hurried up the stairs. She opened the door to the bedroom and made her way in. Like every time the blonde smiled brightly when she entered. Ever since they spend the night together in the brunette's house for the first time, Callie had taken up the left side of the bed permanently. She'd moved all of her things from the nightstand on the right side to the nightstand on the left, and it made Arizona's heart swell every time. Teddy had hit the nail right on the head with her words; Callie really was a considerate person. And she was once again Arizona's.
That's it for chapter 20 guys! I hope you liked it.
As always, please let me know what you thought of it :)
Lots of love /Julie