Author's NOte: So sorry for the delay!!

They had begun digging up the grave together, but once it was an actual hole, only one of them would fit at a time. Despite that Sam often complained that Dean made him do the shit work, Dean, as usual, dug most of the grave himself. The elder hunter was the one to stay in and only got out when reaching the coffin was eminent, which they both knew from long experience.

Then Dean got out and let Sam finish it. That meant that Sam was the lucky one who got to open the coffin. For all that Dean had a cast-iron stomach, the elder brother had a surprisingly sensitive gag reflex.

Letting Sam open the coffin also meant that Sam was the one to pour in the salt while Dean stood guard. While this wasn't always the case, after two years it happened often enough that Sam knew it wasn't coincidental.

Sam didn't even notice the signs of the spirit being close. Instead what Sam noticed was Dean lifting the rock salt filled shotgun and turning away from the grave.

Dean was good, sometimes Sam thought that Dean was better even than their father since Dean had been raised to this life. But Dean had little sense of self preservation, and it was that knowledge that had Sam lifting his head up to see as Dean was thrown away by a very angry spirit materializing as a lanky teenage boy.

Dean landed awkwardly on a gravestone shaped as a log of all things. But Sam knew not to run to his injured brother, instead he climbed out of the hole, fumbling for the matches. The sound of the shotgun going off was only slightly comforting to Sam as he dropped in the match he had finally managed to light.

As soon as the flames had caught, Sam was running towards his brother as he always seemed to be doing, running after his heroic, self-sacrificing brother who had once again saved the day. Except when he was running away.

And all kinds of thoughts were running through Sam's head as he ran. Spirits never did take kindly to being salted and burned, what if Dean had been alone? What if Sam left and Dean were to be injured, unable to make it back to the car or to help? No one would know that the elder hunter was missing, that he might be hurt without Sam.

If Dean were to die, alone, not knowing how much Sam loved him…If Sam had to hear about his brother's death after the fact, getting a phone call one day and wondering whether he could have done something if he had been there…he couldn't, he just couldn't.

He couldn't possible live the rest of his life without Dean, knowing that every moment could be happier if Dean were there, wondering if Dean were safe and happy, if Dean had someone to comfort him if just a little…

"Fuck it," Dean grumbled, sitting up but keeping his left arm close to his body.

Sam sank to his knees in front of the other man, hands reaching out immediately to check for injuries even as Dean shrugged them off.

"I'm fine, really…"

But then Dean did something unexpected. Instead of simply shrugging off Sam's hands and concern as if they didn't matter, as if Dean had no conception that he mattered to Sam, Dean's right hand grabbed Sam's still reaching, grasping one. Dean brought Sam's gigantic paw to his lips, kissing Sam's palm lightly and squeezing the fingers before releasing it.

"I'm fine, Sammy."

Sam was stunned into silence as Dean levered himself up off of the hard ground. The gesture hadn't made Sam any more likely to believe Dean's assessment of his injuries; Dean had spent so many years saying that he was fine that Sam didn't think his brother would know if he weren't.

But the gesture did show that Dean was reaching out, letting Sam in. Sam couldn't slam the door on that, couldn't step on Dean's heart just as Dean had gathered the courage, the security to let the organ see the light of day.

It would be kinder to kill Dean, Sam was sure.

And no matter how little time they had left, no matter how badly this ended, staying with Dean would be worth it. Sam was suddenly very certain that he would rather have this time with Dean, this moment of happiness than none at all, even knowing the pain that was to come. In that moment Sam knew he would do anything, endure anything to have one more moment together. He would endure even the loss of Dean.

Putting the shovels back in the trunk and sliding into their respective seats, Sam was silent on the drive back, worrying. He would have to tell Dean about everything that had been going on, allow the elder hunter to make his own decision, even though Sam knew what that decision would be. Dean deserved to know.

By the time that they were entering their room, Dean knew that something was up. Shrugging out of his coat, Dean turned to face his brother, but Sam was moving before the words could leave the abused lips.

"We need to talk. There have been some things…weird things have been happening."

Pursing his lips and wrinkling his brows, Dean sat on the bed. "What kind of things?"

"Things with the yellow-eyed demon."

"The demon?! What kind of things? For how long?" Dean was back up, stomping over to where Sam sat at the table.

"You may as well calm down and have a seat, Dean. This is gonna take some explaining."

Reluctantly Dean sat down on the other bed.

"It was just a nightmare at first, of you dying…like Jessica died." Sam's voice was choking up just talking about it.

But Dean wasn't sympathetic right then, Dean's mind was busy going over Sam's sleeping habits of the past couple nights. Sam could see it in the clenching of Dean's jaw.

"That nightmare you had when we first got into town? You kept it from me since then?!"

"It seemed like just a nightmare, Dean." Sam's voice was defensive even though, he had kept it from Dean, more than just than just a nightmare.

"But then, last night…I can't explain it, Dean, but I would never have hurt you like that."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was jealous when you were flirting at the bar, but it was like I couldn't control it. I didn't even notice you resisting, not until I almost…"

Sam shook his head, looking down at his lap as his hands fluttered uselessly there. But Dean never had been able to resist a distraught Sam and so presently, Dean was in Sam's line of sight.

Leaning over Sam and placing his own hands on Sam's thighs, Dean dropped to a crouch so that he could look up into his brother face when he spoke again. "It's ok, Sam. It wasn't your fault."

Sam let out a choked laugh that had a distinct resemblance to a sob. It wouldn't have mattered whether Sam was possessed or just into sadomasochism, Dean wouldn't have blamed him.

"But I hurt you…"

"I'm ok, just a few bruises."

And there it was again, in the softness, the seriousness of Dean's voice. It was understanding, Dean was finally understanding that he was loved as more than just the caretaker, was worth more than just what he could do or give to Sam.

The knowledge clearly made Dean uncomfortable. The green eyes dropped to Sam's lap, but Sam could see them moving under Dean's lids as if the elder man was searching for something, something that he could focus on instead of the knowledge that he was loved. And the weight of Dean's hands on Sam's legs had lessened as if Dean was just managing not to take them away.

"But that's not all. Later that night, the demon was in my dream…he spoke to me."

That was the distraction that Dean was hoping for. Dean was immediately consumed with the new threat to his little brother.

Standing, as if wanting to be ready if the demon were to appear in that moment, Dean asked, "Well, what did he want?"

"He told me to get rid of you if I didn't want to see you hurt or…killed. He killed mom and Jess just to get to me and if I didn't send you away, he would do the same to you."

"But why warn you?"

And suddenly that was the question foremost in Sam's mind too. Why did the demon warn him? It could be that the demon was hoping to have Sam indebted to him by sparing the last person in the world that Sam loved, but it was also possible there was more to it than that.

Without Dean, Sam would be much more vulnerable. He wouldn't have someone to watch his back or to teach him more about the dangers of the supernatural world. Dean kept Sam human, kept Sam's belief in humanity alive, did most of the dirty work for Sam, and kept Sam focused on the actual mission: saving people.

Without Dean what would be the point of resisting?

"It doesn't matter, Dean. I'm not leaving you."

Sam couldn't read the expression on Dean's face, only that the elder hunter had gone perfectly still.

So Sam began babbling, words spilling out as he tried to speak all the thoughts that had run through his mind since the dream.

"I just…without you, Dean…I don't know what I would do without you. I mean, I don't want to see you hurt but…if we have ten years or only one day, whatever time I have I want to spend it with you. And if something did happen, at least we would have had that time."

Dean didn't speak. First Dean dropped his face to his chest, wrapping an arm around his middle and wiping at his face with his other hand and then turned away. Not knowing what he had said wrong, Sam jumped up and raced over, getting in front of his brother again.

"Dean, please. Talk to me." Sam placed his hand on the back of Dean's neck, trying to pull his brother to him, trying to get the elder man to look up at him, anything.

He wasn't prepared for Dean's hands to suddenly cradle his face, the feel of Dean's lips softly brushing his own, both being careful of the bruising there. And Sam certainly wasn't prepared for the taste of Dean's salty tears.

And then it was Dean who deepened the kiss as the elder man had never really done, asking for entrance into Sam's mouth by licking Sam's upper lip. Sam opened his mouth with a sigh, exalting in the certain sign that Dean wanted this, wanted Sam. And loving even more the feel of Dean's questing tongue licking, lapping at the inside of his mouth.

The teasing, tickling feeling had Sam wanting to chase that pointed tongue, to capture it, to crush Dean's body to his own. But as he followed Dean's mouth, he remembered about Dean's lip and instead, trailed his own tongue over the injury.

With the memory, Sam decided that he wanted this to be the opposite of the previous night. He wanted it to be slow and gentle, memorable for an entirely different reason. He wanted to show Dean with more than just words that the elder man was loved.

Sliding his hands down Dean's back and around to the front, Sam tugged on the hem of Dean's t-shirt to signal that he wanted it removed. They undressed themselves quickly, shucking over-shirts and t-shirts, unbuttoning pants and kicking off shoes.

As soon as they were naked, Sam was lowering Dean down on the nearest bed with a hand on Dean's chest to push him down and an arm around Dean's back to keep the descent slow. Sam crawled over his brother as Dean scooted back to the center of the bed.

Dean didn't try to get up nor get the upper hand, instead submitting to Sam immediately, pulling the younger man close again. It was almost as if Dean wanted Sam to be in control, wanted comfort though Dean still couldn't ask for it.

Sam's touch was light on Dean's skin and his kisses were once again soothing as he trailed them down Dean's torso, avoiding all the bruises and bite marks from before.

But despite Sam's efforts to be gentle this time, Dean was pulling Sam back up, half sitting up as he spoke.

"No, I want…" Dean dropped the eye contact and bit his already swollen lip in nervousness and mortification. Clearing his throat, Dean lifted his eyes and started again. "I want to have sex with you."

Dean's frank and earnest declaration was alluring though Sam could tell that Dean felt like a fool. But Dean wasn't the only one needed to make sure that they were both on the same page.

"Are you sure? You're ready?"
"Yeah," Dean was already pulling Sam back down for a careful kiss.

And that time it was Sam who pulled away.

"Turn on your side." Sam's hands were already maneuvering the smaller man to turn away onto his right side. "I read it would be easier."

A nervous chuckle sounded though Sam couldn't see Dean's face. "God, Sam, you researched sex?"

Sam took the bait, recognizing it as an attempt to dissipate the tension. But he was so excited and nervous, he wanted this so much, he found it difficult to voice his own laugh.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

Running his hand down Dean's side to Dean's thigh, Sam pushed his brother's top leg forward, into Dean's chest, opening Dean's body.

Shit, he forgot…"Let me get the lube."

Sam hated to move away from Dean's naked body, hated leaving Dean alone and spread open, even for a moment. Leaving one leg on the bed, he stretched to his duffel at the foot of the bed before returning to stretch out behind his brother.

Dean had kept his face tucked into the pillow, plainly feeling as vulnerable as he looked. But as soon as they were pressed together, Dean's head came back up and he moved back into the younger man's body.

This time, pressing a finger inside Dean felt peculiar. This time there was nothing to distract either of them from exactly what they were doing, nothing but the anticipation of what was to come for them to focus on. But Sam couldn't deny that it was startlingly erotic, particularly the soft noises that Dean made as he slid the finger in and out, choked gasps and long blown out breaths.

Sam made sure to brush his finger against the front wall, wanting to make this as much about foreplay as about preparation. Dean seemed surprised, jerking and choking out an almost pained, "Fuck!"

Sam waited for the elder man to relax into the feeling, giving into the sensations. He waited for Dean to press back onto his finger, his body gently rocking instead of jerking.

Despite the pleasure, two was more difficult and Dean's body tensed against the intrusion, making it worse. Sam attempted to distract the elder man, distract them both by kissing the back of Dean's neck.

"You've got to relax."

"I know," Dean snapped, seemingly frustrated by his own apprehension, by his body's reaction. "I've just never…thought about doing this before."

Just then Sam's finger brushed against Dean's prostate and Dean shook and moaned again. Sam struggled to thoroughly, but quickly prepare the other man. He scissored his fingers and used plenty of lube before rolling a condom over his own leaking erection.

Sam wanted to feel Dean without barriers. He trusted Dean with his heart and with his life, but right then wasn't the time to discuss the issue with his brother. Sam was used to condoms, he had never had sex without one, due mostly to Dean's insistence when the older brother had given Sam 'the talk'.

Slipping his right arm underneath Dean's neck so that he could reach across Dean's chest to grip Dean's opposite shoulder, Sam positioned himself at Dean's entrance. Maneuvering so that he had leverage, he began to push inside.

He only managed to push the head of his sex inside as Dean tensed at the intrusion, clamping down on Sam's member so that Sam almost lost it before they had really gotten started.

Sam's left hand automatically slid from Dean's hip to caress Dean's lower belly. He almost expected Dean to slap his hand away from the soothing gesture, but then he thought what would have been the point.

Dean had asked for this, Sam was already draped all over Dean, cuddling him, pressing inside him. What would have been the point of trying to be macho then?

And Sam took advantage of that fact. He held Dean flush to him with his right arm under Dean's neck and across Dean's chest as he whispered, "C'mon baby. Breathe. Relax for me."

Dean had turned his face into the pillow presumably to hide his grimace of pain. Sam didn't insult his brother by asking if Dean wanted to stop because of the discomfort. His brother never did give up just because of pain, but Dean's top hand came up to grip Sam's right forearm as he took deep breaths, his right hand gripping the sheet beneath him.

Slowly Sam felt the tension dissipate enough that he pulled out and pushed in a little further. Gradually, Sam worked his length inside. It was so tight inside the other man, hotter and less slick despite the excess of lube that Sam had used. The walls seemed to cling to his cock as he pulled out to thrust in again. But more than the physical sensations, it was the knowledge that this was Dean, that Dean had let Sam inside that made the experience so mind-boggling.

And Dean began to respond, lifting his face up from the pillow and pressing his hips back as much as he could. That position had Sam's thrusts pressing against Dean's prostate without Sam having to work to find it. Dean let go of Sam's arm to pull his leg further into his chest.

"Unh," Dean's breath was forced out on a thrust. "Closer."

Closer, not harder or faster. Though Dean's voice still had the air of command to it, Sam began to think that this time, sex was more than just sex for his brother.

Sam pulled his lower body away, pulling his cock from the haven that it had found. "Turn on your back."

Wide, trusting green eyes locked onto his own as Dean complied. Sam pressed Dean's right leg up to the elder man's chest and then positioned himself again. And the whole time he felt those eyes watching him.

Dean was very flexible and Sam thought that in the future he would take advantage of that fact but right then he had other plans in mind as he let Dean's leg fall once he had thrust back in. Instinctually, Dean wrapped his legs around Sam's waist. It didn't allow Sam to get as deep as was possible, but it did allow him to feel Dean's chest, slick and smooth against his own as he picked up a long, slow rhythm.

Sam maneuvered his right arm underneath Dean's neck again, coaxing the other man forward so that their lips could meet in a wet by gentle kiss.

"God, Dean…so amazing." Sam pushed up so that he could see Dean's face as the elder hunter came apart beneath him, shaking and panting as Dean began to fist his own cock.

Dean came with his head thrown back and his mouth open on a deep groan, his left hand reaching out to Sam, gripping the younger man's side.

Sam let himself back down onto his forearms as he plunged in deeper, breathing into Dean's ear, "So beautiful, God…Dean!" Sam came with his love's name on his lips.

Resting a moment with his forehead resting on the pillow above Dean's shoulder, Sam pulled out carefully, gripping the base of the condom.

Sam was just turning away to throw the condom into the trash when he heard it. Dean chuckling, a laugh full of amusement and only a tiny bit discomfited.

"Wow," Dean said.