Author's Note: Hey all! Guess what I have been watching lately? GOSSIP GIRL! It's actually odd because I've never indulged in any of those teen dramas. I just wrote this to make fun of them more than anything. I decided to check it out on a whim not expecting to make it past more than one episode and lo and behold, I made it through an entire season!

It's actually not so bad... The writing is decent. The actors are pretty good. And even more fun, there is a surprising comparison between some of the characters in GG and the characters in Ouran. Like the main character is a rich, blonde free spirited girl with a not so shiny past who seems to effortlessly charm everyone everywhere she goes and whose intentions- for the most part- are genuine. She falls for a down to earth poor guy who happens to be one of the few non-rich kids at school and is working really hard to make it into a good college. The blonde's best friend works adamantly to appear put together and straight laced but she is actually a conniving bitch who will use anyone and everyone to manipulate her way to the top. See any parallels there? I do! I thought that was pretty cool. Anyway enough obsessing over Gossip Girl. Here is the chapter... Please review! Let me know how I'm doing compared to older chapters. Be honest nao.

The staff of the Suou mansion could not claim to be completely unaccustomed to the strange and peculiar. Weekend mornings were especially odd as the master of the sprawling estate had these days to himself and could usually be found in any particular room across the manor doing any assortment of weird, questionable things. Often, he would require their participation and they would agree if only because their jobs depended on it. Also, he was kind of sexy.

This particular weekend was special- or so he told them every five minutes- because he would be visiting a girl's father who lived on the seedier side of town and, for whatever reason, everything had to be absolutely perfect. The males and the older members of the staff hurried about, preparing some cheap imitation of actual coffee, offering their ideas on commoner treats and joking that their young master had finally found a girlfriend while the younger maids (and a few cougars) fretted in the foyer, their dreams of being the next Kate Middleton dashed forever. Well, at least he wasn't gay. They supposed the rumors of the chef catching him in the kitchens with the Ootori boy weren't true after all!

The double doors of the entrance suddenly parted. One eight inch heel stepped forward onto the red velvety carpet and they all turned to stare at what could only be a giant crab or Lady Gaga. As it turned out, it was neither.

"Tamaki, darling!" a shrill and rather arrogant voice escaped the woman's turquoise painted lips and the staff groaned. Their master's personal designer from birth, she'd been acquainted with him longer than any of them and she wasn't shy about the fact. Her hair, a mixture of blonde and orange stood atop her head like a perpetual sunset, two wisps falling down to form bangs. She wore enough leopard print to explode Mori's head and enough make up to last the Hitachiin's a week. And that was a lot of make up.

"Giselle!" Tamaki, still in his baby blue pajamas, cried from the top of the grand staircase before racing toward the woman. It wasn't obvious if he was genuinely excited to see her or if this was a side effect from all the commoner coffee he'd consumed that morning.

After exchanging European kisses, they both dissolved into an explosion of rowdy French that didn't stop until they'd both entered his bed chambers, followed by two burly men carrying large trunks, and slammed the door.

"Now, Giselle," the blonde started after instructing both men to lower the trunks. "You remember what we talked about? I need something disgustingly cheap. Something only the poorest of the poor would wear! I need to look like a hobo!"

"Darling, relax," Her red, lengthy, false nails pressed into his shoulders. "I understand. The bohemian look is very in this year!" She started rummaging through one of the trunks. "If we take these ripped jeans from Haute Couture and this weathered Armani top-"

"No, no, Giselle," the blonde sighed over the thousand dollar pieces, fingertips pressing into his forehead. Haruhi's father would see right through this! "I need actual hobo clothes! Not expensive clothes designed to look that way!"

The woman pursed her lips in frustration and he started to pacify her when something began to vibrate against his pajama leg. Startled, he pulled the white IPhone from his pocket, his eyes widening when the Shadow King's face flashed across the screen. He'd managed to snap it secretly while the boy was eating a sandwich as all he would do when actually asked to take the picture was glare murderously into the camera.

"I'm sorry, Giselle, I have to take this." He bowed repeatedly at the already offended designer before slinking toward one of the room's many open windows where cream- colored silk curtains billowed and fanned out over the crimson carpets. Resting his arm against the sill, he tapped ANSWER, the view of his family's personal gardens obstructed only by his rage.

"YOU BASTARD!" he roared immediately. "I've been trying to reach you all day! Haruhi invited us to see her father! We should have been over there hours ago!"

"Dumbass," the already irritated tone on the other end responded appropriately. "It's 10 AM on a Saturday. He probably just woke up," he grunted and then added as an afterthought ", and what do you mean, she invited us?"

"When we were in the limo last night," Tamaki explained with the utmost confidence. "I told her I should probably apologize to her father for all the trouble and she... sort of invited us."

"... what were her exact words?"

He went over the conversation in full detail, Haruhi's facial expressions and the color of her mail box included.

"... how in the hell did you get that out of-"

"What does it matter, Kyouya?!" the Host King blared. "We have to apologize to Haruhi's father and I can't think of a better time-"

There was a small coughing sound on the other end.

"Eh?" Tamaki stopped mid-sentence. "Are you-"

"Kyouya," a third, groggy voice started. "You got another smoke?"

The blonde nearly stumbled from the two story landing, eyes wide. He knew that voice! "Who was that?" he whispered.

"It's no one, Tamaki," Kyouya muttered, even more irritated, before mumbling something away from the receiver.

"Bullshit." Tamaki cursed, his voice emerging from the whisper. Kyouya was a liar by nature, but this particular lie grated on him more than the usual deceit.

A long silence. "It's just Renge," the Shadow King finally regained his voice. "She scheduled that counseling session, remember?"

"Renge doesn't smoke," Tamaki retorted immediately, curiosity gnawing away at his gut. "She invited the entire Smokefree Japan campaign to your house to get you to stop. You remember that?"

Kyouya gave a deep sigh. Busted. Thinking at ten in the morning after staying up all night just wasn't his strong suit.

"Kyouya, who's over there?"

"Stop it, Tamaki."

"Who is it?!"

"What the hell is his problem?" the other voice spoke again, sending the blonde over the edge.

"TELL ME WHO'S OVER THERE RIGHT NOW OR-"

"Whatever, just give me the phone," the groggy voice cut in. There was a pause and then a soft rustling noise. Finally, the it came through, loud and clear.

"Hey Tono," the stranger greeted him.

"K-Kaoru." the blonde stammered as his fear came to fruition. He grasped a handful of billowy silk to steady himself. "What are you doing there?"

"Oh, uh," the younger twin stuttered and Tamaki could almost feel the insincerity dripping from his words. "You know the freshmen class has that big Algebra test Monday. Kyouya-senpai agreed to help me study for it."

"Kyouya agreed to help you study for a test," he repeated as if the words would ring any less false the second time around. "At 10 AM on a Saturday?"

"Y-Yeah." Kaoru stuttered.

"Where's Hikaru?" He bit at his lip, nervous to hear the answer.

"Eh," Kaoru sighed, heaviness seeping into his tone. "He stayed at home."

"His grades are worse than yours!" Tamaki all but snapped into the receiver, hysterics on the rise. "Why would he stay at home?!"

"Eh... Um...Er-" He was starting to unravel and perhaps that's why Kyouya chose to take back control of the conversation at that moment. Freshman. They couldn't do anything right.

"Hello?" he greeted dryly.

"I didn't know you tutored on the weekends," Tamaki squeezed at the IPhone, the royal blue case splintering. "I actually didn't know you tutored at all come to think of it."

"My father thinks it's a good idea to demonstrate my skills as a lead-"

"Shut up!" the blonde cut in mid-fabrication, his stomach clenching into knots. "How stupid do you think I am?!"

"Honestly?" Kyouya asked with as much sarcasm as he could muster before abruptly changing the subject. "Look, I get enough of this from Renge so I'm going to hang up now."

"This is why you didn't take my calls?!"

"I'll pick you up in an hour for Haruhi's."

"What kind of immoral-?!"

"See you then."

"DEPRAVED-"

'Click'

Taking a deep breath, Tamaki tossed the phone and the mangled case down upon a white cot in the corner of the room. The twisting sensation in his gut had crawled up into his chest now and he had a fleeting urge to cry, the all too familiar sting of tears welling at the back of his eyes. Shaking his head rapidly, he retrieved one of the many porcelain tea cups of commoner's coffee sitting around the room from his writing desk and took a sip of the now cool liquid. He wasn't upset. Why would he be upset? Because two club members were involved? Mori and Hunny were together and they had never done anything to harm the club besides making everyone feel extremely uncomfortable! And at least now Kyouya would be distracted from other "activities" such as meth (or whatever he called that stuff)... or violence... or picking up the phone when his best friend calls... A low strangled noise escaped his throat, but he silenced it immediately. There was no reason to be angry and besides, today was too important for this much emo. Time to pull it together.

Smiling, he started back across the carpet toward Giselle who had been staring at him worriedly for the last minute or so.

"Rene, dear," She reached out to cradle his chin. "Are you quite alr-"

"I'm fine, Giselle." He waved her hand away, grinning even wider. "Don't worry about me." His gaze scoured over the clothing trunks. "Have you found anything new?"

"Well," she started, nose wrinkling as she removed a pair of pale blue jeans from the trunk on the left. "There is this pair of True Religions. It's at least four seasons out of date." She made a face. "I just keep it along for my models. They need something to wear between takes-"

"It's been worn?!I" The blonde immediately swiped it from her grasp. "I'll take it!" He beamed down into her confused expression. "Commoners love hand me downs!" He examined the material closely. "Maybe if we poke a few holes here and there..."

"Eh..." she blinked, a third wisp of orange falling over her grey eyes. "But I brought several top bran-"

Ignoring her blatant distaste, he took a pair of scissors from the side compartment of the trunk and sliced a jagged line just above the knee. It felt good for whatever reason so he just kept tearing.

Her brow twitched. "Rene-"

"Giselle," he turned to her, expression glowing. "What else have your models worn?"

The car ride to the Fujioka residence was not a comfortable one. Kyouya and Kaoru had made it apparent right off the bat that they did not want any talk of what had happened that morning to reach their senpais' or Hikaru's ears. Kaoru sat at one of the four window seats, features tense, looking slightly troubled. Kyouya sat at his laptop, fingers typing away, looking like a bastard. Or maybe Tamaki was just biased. To make matters worse, Hunny and Mori had obviously shared a particularly amorous night together as they spent the entire car ride whispering sweet nothings to one another, completely oblivious to the scandalous woes of their underclassmen.

"So where were you this morning again?" Hikaru turned to his brother, arms crossed. As apparent from Kaoru's ensuing sigh and Hikaru's tired expression, this was an ongoing argument between them.

"I told you I went to get my nails done," Kaoru explained for what sounded like the dozenth time.

"You were gone when I woke up," Hikaru's eyes narrowed. "And then for three hours!"

"I went to that place across town," Kaoru bit his lip and leaned even closer to the limo window as if it would suck him out and take him somewhere far, far away from his brother's scrutiny.

"And you didn't invite me?" The older twin muttered lowly, ginger bangs falling over his eyes.

"You said you were tired, Hikaru." Kaoru coddled worriedly, reaching for his brother's shoulder. "I didn't want to wake you."

Hikaru pulled away. "You never- Tono, what the hell are you doing?"

The blonde expelled a cloud of smoke from the window, the newly lit blunt still hanging from between his fingers. He turned to Hikaru, expression tinged with annoyance. "What?"

"We can't go visit Haruhi smelling like weed!" Hikaru groaned. "Put it out now!" His eyes traveled to the blonde's other hand. "Is that alcohol?!"

"Hm?" Tamaki swirled the Cognac bottle around eying it as if he'd never seen it before. "It's just a little." He motioned to the mini fridge beside him. "It was in there."

"So you had to drink it?" Hikaru's temple bulged. "What's wrong with you today?!"

Groaning, the blonde pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. "Maybe if you two assholes would stop arguing." He took another swig from the bottle and cringed. "It's giving me a headache."

"He's just crashing," Kyouya explained. "He drank two tins of commoner's coffee this morning."

"Shut up, Kyouya," Tamaki muttered for no apparent reason.

"Well, maybe if Kaoru would start being honest!" Hikaru continued regardless. "I don't know how long he was gone! For all I know he could have been gone all nigh-!"

OHMYGODSHUTTHEFUCKUPICAN'TTAKEITANYMOOOOORE!" Tamaki blared before taking a deep sigh and downing one last swig of Cognac. Ignoring the cluster of concerned eyes on him, he placed the offending drink back into the mini fridge, still holding fast to the blunt.

"Er..." The hobbit had finally parted from his cousin to place a comforting hand upon his underclassman's shoulder. "Tama-chan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Hunny senpai," the Host King cleared his throat dismissively.

"Are you su-"

"We," he began, leaning forward to enforce a huddle. ", are visiting Haruhi. Today is special and I'm not going to let you- any of you" His gaze zeroed in on Kyouya and the twins. "Bog it down with unnecessary drama."

"But Tono," Kaoru grinned, some of the cat-like mischief creeping back into his eyes.

"Isn't unnecessary drama kind of your thing?" Hikaru finished just as mischievously.

"So first things first," the drama king ignored them. Depositing the remains of his blunt in an ashtray next to the mini fridge, he pulled a crumpled sheet of paper from his severely ripped jeans. "I stayed up last night making a set of rules for us to follow today!"

"Let me see," Hikaru demanded before plucking the sheet from Tamaki's grasp without a moment's hesitation. Squinting, he surveyed the contents of the paper. "No foul language," he noted, eyes traveling up to glance at the author. "Well, you fucked that up already."

"That was just a flub!" Tamaki protested, snatching the paper back and swatting the boy over the head with it. "No foul language STARTING NOW! Next!" His eyes trailed over number two. "Be modest! Our language, mannerisms and clothing," He took the time to glare at the array of Armani and Marc Jacobs products dotted about the limo. "must all reflect that of a decadent commoner!"

The twins stared down at their ritzy outfits, flared black jeans with matching vests and white tanks of the finest cotton before gazing back up. "We're not changing," they droned together.

"Well, you can't visit Haruhi looking like that!" the blonde pointed. "Are you trying to remind them of how miserable their pitiful lives are?!" He turned on Kyouya. "Quick! We have to make a stop at the Goodwill!"

"The Goodwill?" They all blinked.

Tamaki nodded. "It's this place I heard about full of used commoners things!" he explained, eyes glowing. "It's for commoners who can't even afford new things! It's the most amazing place! It even smells of hardship and poverty!"

"Ew," the twins grimaced at the thought of hand me downs. "No."

"But-"

"No."

"You haven't even given it a chance!"

"Too late, Tamaki," Kyouya sighed from behind his laptop, before signaling toward the window with his thumb. "We're already here."

Gasping, everyone but the Shadow King stared, gaping, out of the limo windows at the dingy little grey brick apartment building as if it were the holy grail. White sheets and other laundry billowed in the wind from their places strewn across the iron gates that lined each level. Little commoner children raced across the already heavily trampled grass, their faces messy with dirt among other things, backpacks falling to the ground. A group of gossiping elderly women in tawdry, old shawls motioned toward the limo, their lips moving rapidly, eyes filled with curiosity.

"Wow," Kaoru blinked from his place at the window.

"What a shithole." Hikaru finished, obviously unimpressed.

"Maybe we should take Haruhi somewhere else," they volunteered together.

"No!" Tamaki barked immediately. "We were invited! Besides," his eyes glistened. "Can you imagine how excited Haruhi will be to see us? Commoners love company!" he expanded on their ever growing commoner knowledge. "They can't afford television or other material distractions so companionship is all they have!"

As it was, a certain commoner walking not far away was quite happy with her lack of companionship. She had managed to do her weekly grocery shopping, finish the week after next's homework, and she bought a pack of shiny new number two pencils for Algebra class! For half off! Best. Day. Ever. Saturdays like these always reminded her of how peaceful her life had been before the Host Club had come along and fucked it all to hell. Wake up. Go to School. Go home. Cook. Clean. Study. Go to bed. Wake up. Go to School. Go home. Cook. Clean. Study. Go to bed. A nostalgic grin curved over her lips. Those were the days...

Well, at least she had this one and then one more before she had to return to the unpredictable and often scandalous life of a high school whore- or host as they liked to put it. The excited cries of her neighbors' children reached her ears and she smiled to think of what awaited her at home. An empty apartment. Her schoolbooks. Leftovers from last night. Mmmm. Smoothing her long, dark blue denim skirt down, she rounded the corner toward her building.

"Wow!" one of the neighbor's boys exclaimed. "So cool!"

Mild curiosity played at the edges of her mind. Probably a rainbow or a sand dollar. She knew how easily roused children were.

"It's huge!" a little girl cried, the glee practically tangible. "Can we ride in it?!"

This caused her brow to furrow as she neared the corner's end. Ride in it? What could possibly-

"A real limo!" the first boy answered her thoughts. "I can't believe it!"

A twinge of panic seized her by the chest. No. It couldn't be. She was sure it was just a coincidence. Maybe some older kids were going to prom... in the middle of the school year. Or maybe her father brought home another wealthy businessmen... thereby blowing off the rest of his workday. She gulped.

"Of course you can!" a dreadfully familiar voice responded with twice as much enthusiasm. "Ride it as much as you like!"

Her heart lurched and she immediately dove behind the building, the back of her green tank top pressing into the brick.

"Tamaki, that limo belongs to my family," another much dreaded voice sighed. "They'll destroy it."

"No, they won't!" Tamaki protested and Haruhi saw red. "You won't destroy that grumpy man's limo will you?!"

"WE WON'T!" they chorused cutely.

"SEE?!"

A brief pause. "Fine, whatever."

"YAAAAAAY!" The sound of rustling, slamming against metal and ensuing destruction quickly followed.

"Don't be afraid!" she could hear Tamaki coercing, her fists trembling. "We've got candy in here!"

"Creeper," the twins accused.

"There was candy in there?!" the hobbit boomed with much indignation.

The decision between protecting the neighborhood kids from the Host King's whims or turning heel and running as rapidly as possible in the opposite direction was quite possibly the most difficult one she'd ever been faced with. She was one promise of candy away from choosing the latter when all of a sudden...

"Hey," Mori's low tone arose from the chaos. "You dropped your backpack."

"Th-thank you," the child was barely able to respond when Haruhi burst out of the woodwork.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki squealed from where he stood holding the limo door open, a line of children spilling in. A little brunette boy with glasses waved at her from the window, Cognac bottle in hand. The rest of the club started to express their joy or suppress their disdain at seeing her when she finally decided to let out the anger that had brewed and bubbled up for the last minute or so. She wanted to cry. She wanted to throw her hands up to the heavens and scream, "Why, God, why?!" But that may have been a bit dramatic and a little too much work so in true lazy commoner form, she decided to go with her personal favorite.

"FUUUUUUuuuuuuck!" she growled in anguish, fists still clenched.

A silence passed over the area for a brief moment. She knew it wouldn't last long.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki gasped as expected, his hands flying over a pigtailed girl's ears. "Think of the children!"

"I am thinking of the fucking children!" she retorted. "Why do you think I came out of hiding?!" She pointed to the limo window. "They've got alcohol in there! And you brought Mori-senpai!"

Mori hung his pedo head in shame.

"B-But Haruhi-" he blubbered, tears rising.

"W-" Something tugged at her skirts and she looked down to find a little boy with extraordinarily large grey eyes in a blue Mickey Mouse tee. "We were just having fun, Fujioka-san..."

She stared back down at him with eyes of stone. "Go home," she ordered firmly before gazing up at the rest. "Go home! All of you!"

An ensemble of wailing and groans rose up as the formerly excited crowd of children drudged out of the limo, bottom lips poking out.

"GO! Your parents are probably looking for you... Stop climbing on the limo! ... Don't talk to Mori-senpai!... Give me that!" She snatched the bottle of Cognac away from the now teetering four eyed boy.

One by one, the children stomped and pouted their way out of sight, some of them waving sympathetically at the Host King as if he were to suffer a horrible fate and they would never see him again. And whoever said children weren't insightful? When the last tiny foot disappeared out of sight, she turned her icy gaze on the Host Club.

"What the fuck are you all doing here?" Haruhi rounded on the group despite not being much taller than the hobbit and ten times less strong.

"B-Because" Tamaki stammered, wringing his index fingers nervously. "Y-You invited me."

She glowered at him. "I would never invite you anywhere, senpai."

His figure noticeably froze for a few brief seconds before racing toward her. "Haruhi!" he sobbed. "I'm so sorry! I know you're just saying that because I brought those two bastards!" He pointed wildly at the twins.

"HEY!" Hikaru spat. "You've gotta be kidding! She'd probably be happier if we'd showed up without you!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" the Host King half roared half sobbed, now closing in on Hikaru.

"It's not my fault you can't handle the truth!" Hikaru shrugged.

"Hikaru," Kaoru sighed pleadingly.

"SHUT UP!" Haruhi blared, cheeks red. "You're all taking your booze," she shook the bottle.", getting back in that limo and leaving right now!"

"But Haruhi-" Tamaki and Hikaru started.

"You don't have to go home, but you have to get the fuck out of here!"

"HARUHI FUJIOKA!"

The group of teens turned toward the apartment building to see an older woman staring at them from the main walkway, her mouth tightened, the heavy lines surrounding her eyes taut with anger. She shook her cane at the youngest of them.

"Mrs. Shitoko!" Haruhi's expression rapidly transformed from furious to flustered. "I'm so sorry!" She bowed repeatedly. "I-"

"How dare you use that kind of language on my property?!" the woman demanded, the knitted material of her maroon knitted shawl trembling about her shoulders. "Just like your father! Disrespectful! Both of you-" She rambled on and Haruhi's cheeks grew redder and redder. The rest of the Host Club shuffled their feet awkwardly, their fear dissolving into deep sympathy.

"And where's that rent money?!" she started on another tangent. "It's been weeks now-"

"Amazing." The word was barely more than a whisper, but it was enough to catch the older woman's attention. She squinted through her black, thickly rimmed lenses at the blonde as he drew closer.

"E-Excuse me?" she stammered.

"Amazing," he repeated, leaning down to meet her at eye level, his slender fingers finding her own wrinkly stubs. "We came here to see Haruhi, but I never thought I'd find anything as beautiful as you."

The woman gasped, her own weathered cheeks taking on a glow. "Y-Young man-"

"You're even more beautiful when you blush," he breathed, fingers threading through her silver bangs.

"Eh?! I-"

"And this is an exquisite shawl," His fingers had found the maroon material, squeezing it and massaging it against his cheeks. "Did you make this all by yourself?"

"Senpai," Haruhi grunted, her fists clenching again. First the children and then the elderly... "Stop molesting-"

"Shhhhh!" The twins' and the hobbit's hands stimutaneously clamped over her lips.

"Y-Yes," Mrs. Shitoko answered meekly, her grouchy old lady fascade diminished completely. "I-I just knitted it in my spare time."

"Really?!" Tamaki gushed. "I've never seen anyone knit anything before!" He took her by the hands again and gave her his best hypnotic smile. "Will you show me?"

"Er... um..."

"Come on!" He led her toward the building and she let him, mesmerized. "Which apartment is yours?"

Haruhi stared, eye twitching, as her crotchety, infamously paranoid old landlady let a complete stranger lead her unwittingly into her apartment and shut the door behind them.

"YAAAAAY!" the twins cheered together. "The bitch is gone!"

Haruhi grimaced. "Don't call her-"

"Come on, Haru-chan!" the hobbit took her by the wrist and dragged her toward the narrow, iron staircase, his grasp surprisingly strong. "I want to see your apartment!"

"Mm." Mori agreed as he trailed behind them.

"Is your father home, Haruhi?" Kyouya asked as they made their way up the stairs.

Why? Afraid I told him about your being a psycho rapist? she thought to herself. "No, he won't be in for a while," she chose the more diplomatic response before fishing inside her brown messenger bag for the key to her apartment. She was going to regret this obviously, but she didn't want to risk making a scene again. Tamaki's charm could only work so many miracles...

Stopping in the center of the third level, she stared into the white peeling paint of the door to apartment number 33 and heaved a deep sigh. "You can come in," she mumbled and cheers immediately followed as the door cracked open. "But only for a fe-"

She didn't get a chance to finish as everyone but Kyouya rushed past her into the tiny apartment in a frenzy, their eyes filled with child-like glee.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru pointed to the opposite tan colored wall, hopping as he struggled to remove his shoes. "You can see the other side of the room from here!"

"I know!" Kaoru exclaimed, shoes already messily strewn across the straw welcome mat next to the door. "I can't believe it's this small!"

"Our bedroom is bigger than this," they concluded, throwing unimpressed if not disgusted looks at the beige colored, faux leather sofa and chairs that adorned the living area. Haruhi simmered. Weren't these the same idiots that assumed she cooked with firewood? What exactly were they expecting?

"Takashi, look!" Hunny was dragging his cousin toward a narrow half-room to the right of the sofa. "It's Haru-chan's kitchen!"

"Mm." Mori nodded, hunching over to avoid bumping his head on the ceiling. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic. The hobbit went on to thoroughly examine every cabinet and crevice.

"What the hell?!" he finally cursed as he poked his head into the dishwasher. "Don't you have any cake, Haru-chan?!"

"No," she grumbled. "And if I did, I wouldn't keep it in there."

The boy trembled with withdrawal triggered frustration. Two large hands fell upon his shoulders and squeezed reassuringly.

"Mitsukuni," Mori whispered from behind him. "She can't afford cake."

The hobbit gasped, his eyes starting to water. "You're right, Takashi!" He stared upon the commoner in pity. "Poor. Haru-chan."

She scowled back in response, arms crossed, bangs falling over her eyes. Was it still too soon to kick them out? Sighing, she leaned against the nearest wall. Perhaps she could pull the building's fire alarm? But then she was already on bad terms with Mrs. Shitoko... Maybe they'd buy a leprosy outbreak. They were so ignorant about the lower-middle class that they'd believe anything... But then there was Kyouya... Something moved into her vision and she glanced up, surprised. Speak of the devil...

The Shadow King had joined her in brooding, the back of his grey, sleeveless vest pressed against the wall, thin lips expelling an exasperated sigh to rival her own. She was considering scooting a few inches away (it's all her apartment would allow) when it spoke.

"I didn't want to come in the first place, you know," he muttered in his usual I'm-Too-Cool-To-Give-A-Shit tone. "But you know how Tamaki is. Once he has his mind set on something, there's no stopping him." He turned those phosphorescent spectacles on her.

She'd assumed as much. Remaining silent, she continued to face downward, her arms tensing. If he wanted to ignore the giant elephant tap dancing across the room, that was his business, but she wasn't keen on making small talk as if they were just two like-minded friends with absolutely no history of attempted sexual assault. They stood in a painfully awkward silence for a few moments, the string of scalding criticisms of her tiny apartment and cakeless kitchen in the background doing little to ease the tension. Kyouya sighed again, fingers combing roughly through his dark bangs. She raised an eyebrow. Was the Shadow King actually unnerved for once?

"Look," he forced the words out as if they clung to the back of his throat. "I-"

"I'M BACK!" The Host King raced through the doorway at lightening speed, his golden tresses newly adorned with a tiny, maroon beanie. Haruhi's lips curled slightly upward as he collided with the wall opposite the door. The twins' uproarious laughter instantly followed.

"This place is a safety hazard," Hikaru snickered, poking at the crumpled blonde with a broom he'd found in the kitchen corner.

"You okay, Tono?" Kaoru prodded with the dust pan.

"Will you put those away?" Haruhi requested and was promptly ignored.

"Ugh," Tamaki rose to a sitting position and readjusted his beanie. "I'm fine." Massaging at his sore head, he whipped and whirled about wildly, taking in every inch of the scene before him.

"Haruhi!" He leapt to his feet, palms running over the wood paneled doors of the dining room. It's so pathetic, it's adorable!"

She started to tell him to fuck off when he slid the folding door inward. "IS THAT A KOTASTU?!" He sped toward the small, wide table and the rest followed ecstatically save for the nerds of the crew.

"So Tono," Kaoru smirked as they closed around the kotatsu. "I knew you were a creeper, but I didn't know you were into graverobbing."

"Did she ask you to put her dentures in before you made out?" Hikaru teased.

"Hey!" the blonde swatted at both boys with a vacuum he'd pulled from the corner. "Don't disgrace Haruhi's home by saying disgusting things like that!"

"You can't disgrace the disgraced," they argued.

"Stop being assholes!" he raged, rearing back with the appliance. "Haruhi is very proud of her little-"

"Put that down!" Haruhi snapped, reaching for the vacuum cleaner. "You can't just throw things around! You might break them!"

"Oh!" he gasped. "I'm sorry, Haruhi!" He lowered it to his side before leaning into the twins. "She must have pawned something important for this!" he whispered fiercely.

"You think?" Hikaru's eyes widened.

"For a vacuum cleaner?" Kaoru raised an eyebrow.

"It doesn't matter what it is, you idiots! Everything is expensive for a commoner!" he warned. "Don't underestimate her sacrifice!"

"Right!" they nodded seriously, half sarcasm, half intrigue.

"Anyway!" Tamaki pulled out of the huddle, somehow ignoring the smoldering glare that Haruhi was sending his way. "Fajima is a wonderful woman! She would never-"

"She told you her first name?" Haruhi made a face, her stomach souring.

"Why wouldn't she?" he frowned. "She was the sweetest thing!" He grasped the beanie from his head and waved it at her. "She even let me watch her finish this hat and invited me over for free lessons!"

"I bet her husband wouldn't like that," Haruhi muttered as she fell down beside the hobbit at the kotatsu.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but it doesn't matter." Tamaki shrugged. "She scheduled my classes while he's out fishing anyway! She said he doesn't get back until late."

"... did she by any chance wink when she told you that, Tono?" Hikaru asked.

His gasped as if the twin was a ghost. "How did you know?!"

"Yeah," the younger boy shot him a distasteful look.

"Graverobber," the twins concluded and he seized the vacuum again.

Haruhi saw red and the hobbit, who'd been silently watching her rapidly deteriorating state from afar, decided to change the subject.

"I'm hungry!" he announced. What better way to lighten the mood than with food?! "What do you have to eat, Haru-chan?"

The red deepened. They showed up at her home unannounced, insulted it, tossed her appliances around and now they expected her to feed them? Taking a deep breath, she turned to eye the abandoned grocery bags sitting on her kitchen counter. She'd went shopping for two...

"I don't think it'll be enough, Hunny-senpai."

"Well, why don't we order something to make up for coming unnanounced?" Kyouya offered.

She blinked, taken off guard. Was he actually offering to pay? "Y-You don't mind covering it?"

"Of course not," he grinned.

Her eyes widened. "Er... thank y-"

"I'll just add it to your debt later."

Her expression fell. Why did she always fall for that?

"But I want Haruhi to cook!" Hunny whined. "Tama-chan said commoner's cooking was the best!"

The blonde nodded wisely. Haruhi groaned.

"I don't have enou-"

"You do know how to cook, right Haruhi?" Kaoru raised an eyebrow.

"Of course, she does, Kaoru," Hikaru sighed. "All commoner women know how to cook," he explained. "The practically live in the kitchen."

She fumed. "That's not-"

"What are your best dishes, Haru-chan?" the hobbit's head whipped around the room. "Do you have a menu?"

"A menu?" She blinked.

"Don't be silly, Hunny-senpai," Tamaki shook his finger at the hobbit. "It's not a restaurant. There aren't any menus." He turned to smile brightly at his host and she waited for the catch. "You just have to ask!"

There it went.

"What kind of appetizers do you have, Haruhi?" he gushed in anticipation.

"I'll take a garden salad," Kaoru ordered. "You do have it?"

"You can afford that, right?" the twins chimed together.

"That's it!" Haruhi stormed from the dining room and grabbed a light blue waist jacket from the coat rack at the front door. "We're going out to eat."

"But Haru-chan-" the hobbit whined.

"Now," she insisted, swinging the door open.

"Haruhi can't afford salad," the twins sang, obviously dissappointed.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment!" she growled, Mrs. Shitoko forgotten. They all slumped in defeat and began shuffling slowly toward the door, save for Kyouya, whom was the first to exit.

"Careful, Haruhi," Kaoru warned as he walked past her and onto the outside landing.

"Tono'll have to seduce your neighbor again and this time it might take more than a few pretty words," Hikaru winked and she returned it with a disgusted grimace.

"Haru-chan," Hunny neared the door. "Will there be cake where we're going?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she muttered as he passed, Mori in tow. She wondered how much she'd pay for it later if she just slammed the door on them now and barricaded the entrance. But then she had to wait for the ringleader to leave. He was probably still sulking in the dining room.

"Senpa-" She stopped short, as he was kneeling a few feet away from her, his hands closed around a silver framed picture where a young woman smiled out, brown eyes happy and full of life. The scent of incense thickened as she neared the small corner that her mother's shrine inhabited, her features softening. She took to kneeling as well, her arms wrapped around her knees. Guilt and embarrassment suddenly swarmed in her gut. How would her mother feel about the way she treated her clubmates today? Haruhi gave her legs a squeeze. Her mother had always welcomed visitors- no matter how unexpected- with open arms. She was always kind, gentle and loving despite her fierce demeanor in the workplace- the perfect balance. Haruhi bit her lip. But then she'd had her vices...

"You take after your mother, don't you Haruhi?

"Hm?" The words pulled her from her thoughts. Tamaki was still transfixed on the picture.

"Sorry." He finally turned to smile at her before gazing back at the photo. "I thought it was you." He raised his cell phone. "I was going to take a picture to add to my daddy/daughter collection."

She rolled her eyes. Then again, her mother had never met Tamaki Suou.

"She's beautiful," he continued to stare at the woman in the photo, expression growing pensieve. "I bet she was an amazing woman."

"Yeah, I guess." She squeezed her legs even tighter, her knees pressing against her chin.

"Eh?" he raised an eyebrow and redirected his stare to the commoner. He was accustomed to the commoner's being kind of a bitch, but that was a cold response- even for her. Her eyes were trailing aimlessly over the carpeted floor, fingertips playing at the hem of her skirt.

"What if..." she started hesitantly and paused before beginning again. "What if someone is kind and beautiful and all that..." she paused again. "But they're keeping a secret."

He raised an eyebrow. "Haruhi-"

"What if they're so weak," she cut in, unconsciously etching half moons into the fabric of her skirt. "that they let that secret destroy them and everything they've worked for?" She raised her gaze to meet his, eyes challenging. "Is that still an amazing person?"

He didn't respond at first, completely taken off guard by the sudden shift in her mood. She'd been unpredictable lately. It was new for her...

"Haruhi,"he finally breathed, that one sigh carrying so much sympathy that she'd wished she'd never asked at all. "No one's perfect."

She groaned. He was about to go on one of his Hallmark spiels.

"I know you think I come close-"

"I don't think that," she corrected bluntly, eyes dark.

He winced briefly and then a small chuckle escaped his throat. "Anyway," he went on. "That one secret is only a small part of what makes that person who they are. Why should you let one bad thing cancel out the good?"

She just shrugged. Maybe because, in the end, that's exactly what had happened.

Tamaki leaned in to her and she willed herself not to stare up into his stupid expression.

"I think in the end, the most important thing is the impression a person leaves on you." He pressed his own legs to his chest, chin resting against his ripped jeans. "How did she make you feel?"

Haruhi took a moment to ponder. But she didn't really need it. A flurry of memories immediately brushed across her mind, tender, warm, and beautiful. Tears burned at the back of her eyes.

"Amazing," she whispered, an involuntary smile creeping over her lips.

He nodded slowly, his own gaze lowering to the carpet, golden bangs shrouding his eyes. Heavy silence stilled the room and when the weight became too much for her, she finally began to stand, remnants of the smile still playing on her features.

"They're waiting for us," she sighed, reality zooming back into focus. The other five were probably a little more than annoyed by now. She wondered why they hadn't come looking for them... Hikaru, especially, never left her alone with the Host King for too long. Oh well. She braced herself for the twins inevitable teasing.

"Yeah..." Tamaki's expression poked out from under the bangs, an inexplicable blush on his cheeks.

"By the way," she started, her gaze hovering over an abandoned broom and dustpan lying in the center of the living room as she found her footing. "What did you do with that vacUUU-" her voice went from slightly vexed to shrill as she tripped over the appliance and stumbled head first toward the carpet.

"Haruhi!" he cried, catching her around the waist and pulling her close before she could touch the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself.

"Eh..." She lifted her face from where it was buried in his shoulder to stare him straight in the eye, their faces not an inch apart. "S-sorry," she stammered, her cheeks slightly rosy.

"H-H-H-" he struggled breathlessly, cheeks flaming.

"HARUHIIIIII!" another, higher voice added and both their heads snapped toward the doorway. A woman stood there in a deep purple sundress, the fabric accentuating her curves just right. Silver designer pumps graced her feet and an array of silver bling lavished her wrists, neck and ears. She held a brown Coach clutch to her waist, it's golden bands matching the little GUCCI inscriptions engraved into her sunglasses. "DADDY'S HOME!" she announced dramatically before sashaying into the apartment, limps wrists flailing. That is until she took one good look at the scene before her. Ripping the glasses from her face, she zeroed in on the couple, red lips pursed, hazel eyes serious as death.

"Oh, HELL no."