AN: I made the chapter a little longer than usual. Please leave your comment at the end. I savour all of them.

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"I can't protect you here. And I have to go look for that girl who is about to post on that site. Then we'll go after the man. You are too weak to be of help. Plus Don Juan is still out there."

Is that what we call him now?

"For lack of a better name." Both hands were pressing against his temples. I wanted to relieve him of some pressure.

Fine, I'll go home.

"No, go to the Quileutes… At least they can protect you."

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Chapter 20 – Now or Never

Edward found a place on my arm that wasn't covered in glass shards and jerked me off the couch.

"I'll be right back." He was addressing his family but his eyes were directed towards the door. "Yes Alice, I hear you. Don't stop. I'll be back as soon as I drop her off." A chilling but simultaneously hot tremor went through me. Ok, he might be under some stress, but that gave him no right to treat me like this.

The rain felt cold on my skin. Edward unceremoniously dragged me towards his car and pushed me to the passenger door. "Get in," he commanded.

I felt a low tremor in the back of my throat. I stopped the growl as soon as I was aware of it - there were bigger problems at the moment than his behaviour. As soon as I closed the door behind me, Edward plonked down the accelerator. I wish he didn't. The sooner I'd had to spend time with Jacob or other Quileutes. I always felt oddly out of place there.

"Can't Alice see where Don Juan is?" I asked. "He's a vampire. That shouldn't be any problem for her right? Then I can stay home."

Edward usually drove pretty fast, but now pushing the Volvo to its limit. "She doesn't randomly get visions from all vampires all over the world," he retorted, as if it was so obvious. How am I supposed to know? "She has to be either attuned to them, or she has to know what specific area to target. Normally she scans Forks regularly to see if more like us are coming. She hasn't met Don Juan. She can only focus on the area around Shelton. She came up with nothing – which means he left. She can't sense him coming to Forks, but all this relies on decisions of the vampire himself. It's fallible."

"I'm willing to take the chance," I insisted.

"I'm not." The gold liquid in his eyes turned awfully hard and they didn't leave the road. "I don't want people to associate your death with me. I like Forks. I wouldn't want to leave it just because of you."

That hit me hard. I thought he loved me. Was this a warped version of how vampires expressed their love? I looked out of the window to the wet swirling masses outside. I pressed my face to the window to inhale the fresh air escaping the crevices. The more I thought about his words, the more they burned. I closed my eyes to stifle possible tears. No way in hell would he see me weep.

Then I remembered, 'I can be rude to you if I have to. I can push you away if it is necessary. Let it go Vivian. Let me go.'

I took a deep breath and calmed down. I truly wished Edward wasn't as good at acting as he was. He really scared me there. As long as I knew what was in his heart, then I could deal with the stubborn exterior shell.

"Edward… baby. This isn't the time to be fooling one another. No more pretences. Please?"

He finally looked at me. Sweet Moon, sometimes it was so easy to get distracted by his handsome face. He could have been a marble tribute to some ancient god. But his hard topaz eyes might as well have been black for the sensation they stirred in me.

"Fine. You want me to cut the pretences? Don't forget, you asked for it." I felt like I was shrinking in the seat. I wanted to pull my knees to my shoulders to physically protect me from the possible mental damage I was about to receive. I resisted, he wouldn't.

"You have never been more to me than a hot body, in both senses of the word. A girl that wouldn't break the moment I'd touch her. Somebody I could waste some of my endless time with, without having the urge to drain her. But… my plan failed. I nearly ended up doing that anyway."

What he said hurt every fibre of me. Still, I was reluctant to believe. Then a memory popped back into my head, of the second day at school…

"I am curious, when did you label me a pervert?" Edward had mentally asked in Biology class.

When we were in the woods, when you said you didn't thirst for water. And with men it's really not that hard to imagine what else they might thirst for.

"I guess in your case, you would be right."

I shook my head back to the present day. No, it couldn't be. "I- I don't believe you," I stammered.

He looked at me questionably, the road forsaken. He could drive well enough without looking at it. "You couldn't honestly believe I cared for you?"

How his words burned me, scarred me. "After you bit me, you were so upset," I argued. If he was acting, I'd find out.

He threw his head back and laughed. It wasn't a bell-like echo, it was a harsh sound. "You don't know what pain is involved when a human part turns vampiric. Believe me, you'd look pretty upset too if your eyes changed like that."

I wouldn't give up. If there was any hope for us, I'd cling to it with all my heart. "But you said you loved me." It sounded pathetic, even to me.

He snorted. "I said that to keep you around. You were something I hadn't tried yet over the century. That's why I stopped being your 'mortal enemy'. I'd thought you'd make something interesting to observe for a while. God knows how bored I was." He frowned at me. "Vivian, deep within, you always knew I could never love a werewolf." He looked disgusted even as he said it.

I had wondered why he changed his mind about me so quickly that second schoolday. This wasn't what I expected. How could I have been so foolish? Had Jacob been right about him all along? I tried so hard trying to figure out the expression on his face when I changed from wolf to girl at lake Crescent, before our swim. I knew now what it was – he was trying to hide his disgust.

He angled his eyes back to the road. "Turns out you're more trouble than you're worth," he murmured. "Go hang out with those other mongrels. I've had enough of you."

I stared at his face, trying to find some piece of evidence that he was lying. A twitch of the eye, a clenched jaw… nothing. His face was calm.

I felt awful. Broken, a prodigal of the wolf I'd used to be. Wolf… I thought I'd never live the day when I'd hate to be Loup-Garou. I pressed my eyes shut once more. He wouldn't see me cry. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. "You're a monster," I told him.

He swallowed. "You asked for the truth," he simply answered. He stopped the car abruptly. "Get out. I have two mobile phones to track, and a vampire to hunt."

I felt rage building within me. How could I have fallen for him? With tear-blurred vision I placed my hand on the door handle and was about to go out, when I was where we were. "Weren't you taking me to the Quileutes?"

"Clean yourself up. Cover the bite. Then drive yourself there. I don't want to see you again."

The rage in my hurt was prominent. I slapped him across the face as hard as I could muster. I was pleasantly surprised that some of my strength had returned to me.

"I'll allow that one," Edward said unflinching. "Now get out."

He didn't have to tell me another time. I was only too eager to let the rain mask my tears. My voice I could control to some extend, my tear ducts I couldn't. "What makes you think I'll cover the bite?" I snapped.

"Because you don't want to start a war," he said indifferently. He gave me one last glance while I stood in the pouring rain. His face was expressionless. But he leaned towards me with his hand outstretched. I could feel my jaw drop ever so slightly. Was there still hope? I reached my hand out to him in return. He grabbed the passenger door and yanked it shut. He drove off.

He had broken the last remnant of me. I HATE YOU! I made my thought as loud as I possibly could while staring at the rear of his car. There was a high chance he could hear it. And this way, he knew it to be true.

When my superior eyes could no longer detect the ghost of the silver Volvo, I stalked to my house. My tears were lost, irrelevant, amongst the many drops from above. I took the house keys from under the ceramic duck by the front door, going through the movements mechanically.

Once the door closed behind me, my knees gave way. I crashed to the floor and screamed at the stupidity in me. I hammered my hands on the imitation-wood parquet, causing some of the cuts to reopen. How could he have fooled me so? How could my instincts abandon me like that? Or did they? Edward was right, I always questioned his capability to love me. I had felt too scared to ask if he could love my wolf form.

Edward left me. Just like my father had left me. And mom was with Sam.

I was alone.

I lay there on the floor, drenched, bleeding, hurt. Two hours could have passed, or five. Should it matter? I spent the time alternating between pounding on the floor or crying my eyes out.

I picked up the sound of footsteps approaching. And a familiar sweet scent caressed my nose. Edward? I wasn't sure if I'd wanted to see him now. I wouldn't be able to take any more. Forced by mortal frailties, I took another breath. The sweet scent filled me again.

But it wasn't Edward's.

"Miss, could you please open the door?" a small and gentle voice asked. It wasn't the velvet of Edward, nor the rumble of the dark stranger, but too perfect to be anything but vampire.

"Who are you?" I rasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry miss. My name is John." His words were kind, his tone soothing. "I smell that you're bleeding, but I won't hurt you. I promise."

I believed him. If he had wanted to, he could have kicked the door down, or approached me more quietly and snuck up on me. And even though I wanted to block out everyone in this world, a part of me craved for some kind of comfort. I stood up. Once I opened the door I had to look down. He was merely a boy, no older than nine human years. His face was pale, plump, and framed by black hair. The day was dawning, and gave his skin that unearthly complexion.

"Oh my!" little John exclaimed. "That mean vampire really did a number on you. And he bit you too." He bit the corner of his lip and shook his head.

Had he been spying on me? How did he know about Edward? "What do you want?" I asked suspiciously.

He stopped the shaking of his head and looked at me with the most adorable set of red eyes. "I will tell you everything miss. But please answer a question for me first." He paused, his face was elated with anticipation. "Are you… a Gandillon?" His eyes sparkled at the name.

What a beautiful little boy. I wanted to reach out and squish his cheeks. Hold him like I would a stuffed toy and try to forget my pain. "Would it matter if I'm a Gandillon or not?"

He nodded rapidly with wide eyes.

"Why?"

"Oh, don't tease me miss. Please answer my question."

The boy seemed harmless. "Yes, I'm Vivian Gandillon."

His jaw dropped into a wide 'O'. He danced a circle of joy and giggled. He went to me once more and carefully held my hand. "I'd kiss your hand if it weren't covered in blood," he rejoiced. "You have to go back to Victor. You met him at Vicini Vicini. He didn't recognise you for what you were because you smell so different. He never meant you harm either way."

The latter was a lie. 'Victor' had thought I was human and referred to me as dinner. What else did this boy lie about? If I learned anything over the last twenty-four hours, it is that vampires are not to be trusted.

I took back my hand. "No, please leave."

"I can't without you," he pleaded.

"Oh, but you will." I closed the door in his face and headed for the bathroom. The sooner I'd clean myself up the sooner I'd have a pack of burly wolves around me. If John would tell Victor where I lived I didn't know if sanctuary or hell would be in stall for me.

I was barely down the hall when I heard the door crash out of its hinges. It hit me full in the back and hurled me down the hallway. "Argh." Hell, seemed more like it. I started the process of wolf-change. I clenched my gut to will it on. The process was slower than what I was used to. Couldn't Edward have chosen a different day to drain me? My new limbs tore through the red dress that I had lovingly admired mere hours ago. Once I was securely on all fours I prowled from under the door.

John's excessively white teeth were exposed in a menacing grin. "If you won't come with me, I'll just have to do it myself," the a-little-less-sweet boy derided.

He flung himself at me. His gaze was fixed at the side of my neck that didn't fashion puncture marks yet. How much can one person take? Today I'd been seduced by a stranger, nearly killed by him, drained by Edward, awaiting possible doom from Volturi, attacked my Rosalie, almost by Jasper, and worst of all, I'd lost – who I thought was – my soul mate. Now this…

I feigned to the right and dodged to the left. He darted past me preying on nothing but air. I was weak, but John wasn't a good fighter. Perhaps that's why he wanted to lead me to Victor; so that he could kill me off. A part of me wished Edward had his hands full on him, an equally big part prayed Edward was safe.

I jumped little John from behind and sank my teeth into his shoulder. Immediately an explosion of flavourful blood spewed into my mouth. But it wasn't of animals like Rosalie's had been. It was a cocktail of human blood. I didn't expect it – I should have. I tried to fight the sweet taste of it. It wouldn't do to surrender to bloodlust. During the shock I had loosened my grip on him. John was almost free when I bit down harder and threw all the strength I had into tearing at the sweetened flesh.

Even though he wasn't a good fighter, he was still strong. He grabbed me with his other arm and hauled me off his back. I crashed against the stairs. I could feel the wood alternate between digging into me and bending under the force.

John painfully whined and pouted at the sight of his one arm dangling by a thin piece of flesh from his torso. I didn't hesitate but ran upstairs to my room, then backtracked, and jumped down from the landing into the kitchen. I departed through the kitchen window. Hopefully it would be enough to confuse the smell so I could make a run for it. It was brighter outside. The sun would be up soon. Not that you'd notice with this amount of cloud coverage.

"Don't think I didn't see that little doggie."

Shit. Think fast Vivian.

Outside I hid under the kitchen window. Not a moment later John stormed out in my pursuit – just as I expected. I jumped up much like the previous time and bit down on the same shoulder. Again I felt equally repulsed and fascinated by the taste of human blood. His skin had healed somewhat. But the muscle and joint underneath were still broken. With one vicious rip, I dissected it from his torso.

John released an agonising shriek and started to throw a tantrum on the wet grass.

I let the shoulder fall to the ground. Ha! I thought. Try healing that back together!

I yelped. There was a sharp pain on my right paw. His detached arm was wrapped around it and crushing my paw! I tried to kick the thing off. It was probably grabbing my paw due to some convulsions of remaining oxygen in the blood. But it wouldn't let go. Then it dawned on me – vampires didn't need oxygen. With my teeth I yanked the thing off and threw it far away from me into the foliage. To my complete astonishment, the arm, using its fingers, started to crawl back towards its master.

I turned from the decapitated limb to John. The shock of loosing his arm was wearing off. He seemed to calm himself down. He shot me angry glances while looking for the limb he'd lost. This would be the time to get my furry ass out of here. But I didn't move. He wanted to know who I was. Obviously the news of me being Gandillon was good for him. What was good for him, was bad for me. And… there was another Gandillon living in this house. My mum. This news shouldn't spread.

But how do I kill this damn thing?

I changed to girl so I didn't have to stand on my crushed hand. I ran back inside the kitchen and picked up the phone with my good hand. There was no way I'd call Edward. It had to be Jacob. I dialled his number while shooting nervous glances around me – from this angle I couldn't see John outside.

Prrrrrrrr.

Prrrrrrrr.

"Pick up. Pick up," I muttered.

Prr "Hello?"

"Jacob, how d-"

"Vivian!" He exclaimed exuberantly. "How are you?"

"Been better." I spoke fast and did another scan of my surroundings. John's scent still lingered in the hallway, kitchen, and outside. I had to rely on eyesight.

"How do I kill a vampire?" I demanded.

"Aw Viv, I knew you'd come around!"

"You don't understand. How do I kill a va-mpi-re?" I chocked.

Apparently John had taken some lessons from its superior, for he had snuck up on me from behind. His small hands were straddling my neck. Yes, hands… plural. He had managed to reattach his arm. I tried to move them off my neck. But I was simply too weak, and he too strong. His nails dug into my throat right under my chin and tore through laterally in one fluid move. He let go.

Blood gushed out of my vast wound onto the floor and into my air duct. I juddered to the kitchen floor, writhing and gurgling in the process. I couldn't breathe.

"Vivian, what's going on?" the phone anxiously questioned. His tone implied that he was grasping the seriousness of the situation. After another second of sputtering, the line went dead.

"Who was that?" John asked me a little scared.

My eyes beamed incredulity at him. I'm suffocating and bleeding to death here! I can't really answer that question, can I?

John gave me one last look. "This ought to do it anyway," he said and left quickly.

When he was gone, I stopped the writhing. He had been an object to defy against. Now that he left, there was an odd sense of calm. I looked at the clock near the door. It would take at least ten minutes for Jacob to get here.

He'd be too late.

And even if he wasn't too late, what could he do? He wasn't a surgeon. I thought back to last night. How much more can a person take?

But what if I didn't have to take anymore? There was overwhelming relief in that thought. I could simply lie here, and wait. Then I wouldn't feel the anger and hurt that Edward filled me with. He wouldn't be able to haunt me any longer with pleasant memories that could be no more. I'd be at peace, dead.

I'd be with my father.

Dad… I thought in a serene drowse.

Then my eyes strolled from the clock to a picture that hung next to it, of mom and me smiling at my dad, who had taken it. Protecting pack had been an urge imprinted from birth. Mom was my entire pack now. I couldn't do to her what dad did to us. Simply couldn't. Never mind the danger John and Victor posed on their inexplicable hunt for Gandillons.

Perhaps I did have a choice here. I could attempt to heal myself. Bitter memories came to mind of the last time I had attempted it. I'd probably die anyway without Edward singing the agonising hysteria away. That death would be exponentially more painful than the current one on this cold kitchen floor. My muscles started to quiver due to lack of oxygen. It was now or never.

I decided to try.