"You're serious?" Jackson looked at the doctor incredulous; he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It's a thought."
"Yeah a stupid one." Jackson turned to look at his mother; she was holding her breath "let me guess you've already agreed."
Hazel stayed silent and looked at her son sadly.
"This is the first you're mother has heard of it, this is your decision not hers."
Jackson tilted his head back and closed his eyes, he felt so angry and desperately wished he'd never woken up, "what would be the point?"
He heard the doctor shift in her seat, "Ok, I apologise if I sound patronising but I'm going to explain this simply, ok?"
Jackson kept his eyes closed but the doctor continued anyway, "You're angry and frustrated which causes you're family to fret for you, which leads them to having secret chats about you. Agree?"
"Yeah –" he said the word with a sarcastic drawl and rolled his eyes.
"Which in turn makes you feel like a child and helpless and encourages negative feelings and makes you fixate on your lost independence. This makes you even angrier and causes everyone to fret further".
Jackson snorted
"You go around in a circle, but there is one thing we can do to stop this –"
"- take a pillow to my face until I stop breathing."
"- Or we help you to lose the anger."
Hazel stayed sat in the corner, she was quiet but Jackson knew she was desperate to join in, he'd never seen so much restraint from the women, he turned to the doctor "So this place in London is going to stop me from feeling angry and will completely turn around my opinion about living," he'd never heard anything so ridiculous.
The doctor studied him intently and touched her finger tip to her lips for a moment, he watched her and in that moment hated her more than anyone in the world, because she could to do that gesture and he couldn't, "It's a stupid idea."
"The place is for ex-service men who suffer permanent disabilities; they have all the equipment and the right doctors to help with the emotional fallout from your accident."
Jackson gritted his teeth, "Emotional fallout!"
She moved closer and touched his arm; he didn't feel it "Yes, in simple terms the anger, depression and despair is just emotional fallout."
"Forget it."
"Ok," she nodded " But you're already so angry and so depressed, the worse that will happen is that after a few months you'll still feel the same – or you could feel better."
Jackson looked at her, he didn't dare hope that she could be right, "and if I want to leave?"
"You're there voluntary; you can go anytime you want."
He turned to look at his mother, she had her hands clamped together tightly and was leaning so far forward he thought she might topple off, he was proud of her though, she hadn't said a word and he could easily imagine how hard that was. She looked so desperate, "Ok, I'll give it a try."
:
"I'm really proud of you."
Jackson rolled his eyes "Don't get to excited, I might leave after a day."
Hazel swallowed hard and jingled her legs up and down nervously "Yeah, but you're giving it a go and that's all anyone can ask."
"Leave it Mum."
"Sorry." She hated that she was always tip toeing around her son; she wanted her happy boy back.
"I want some sleep." It was a hint and not a very subtle one but Hazel remembered her conversation with Paddy from earlier.
"One more thing," Jackson huffed loudly but she ignored him "What about Aaron?"
He closed his eyes.
"I know you're angry with him but he's desperate to see you."
"I don't care."
"I know you don't blame him."
Jackson head shot up from the pillow, he glared at his mother intently "That stupid kid put your son in a wheel chair."
"Jackson –"
"What's wrong with you huh? You're the most over protective mother I know but you still let me date the psycho , even after he battered me - and got his dog killed!"
Hazel couldn't believe she was hearing this "Are you blaming me?"
Jackson took a deep steadying breath "No."
"He tried to kill himself as well."
"Yeah cause he's a head case."
Tears filled Hazel's eyes "I can't believe I'm hearing this – you love him". She watched him trying to maintain a clenched jaw and shake his head dismissively.
"I hate him; I hate what he's done to me."
She bit her bottom lip "Paddy told me that he thinks Aaron will try it again. He thinks unless he sees you he'll fall apart."
"That's stupid," but Hazel could see by the look on Jackson's face that her words affected him.
"Is it? We both know what he's like – would this really be out of character?"
Jackson gave his head a small shake a sniffed, trying to stop the tears falling.
"What if you come out of that hospital in London and realise that life is worth living but Aaron's already gone and killed himself –"
:
Aaron was sat on the hospital bed, he was fully dressed and his mother was in a chair nearby, he'd just been discharged. Outside Paddy was taking a phone call; he was hoping it was from Hazel.
"Aaron love you need to breath."
He looked towards his mother, not realising he was holding his breath, Paddy was walking backwards and forwards in short lines and Aaron whole body had been following –it probably looked quite amusing.
"I just need to see Jackson –"
Chastity sat leant forward in her chair "I know you do." Aaron had gone back to watching Paddy, he felt something touch his hand and realised his mother was trying to get his attention.
"Even if Jackson agrees to see you, it doesn't mean he's going to be happy."
Aaron pulled his hand away "Yeah I know –"
"Ok," she took a deep breath "What if he says it's over between you?"
Aaron shrugged "I'll top myself."
Chastity's eyes widened alarmed but Aaron grinned at her "Of cause I won't, things will be fine."
"Yeah?" she replied doubtfully
Aaron nodded, a couple of second later Paddy re-entered the room "Come on then, let's go see him."