Sorry this took so long - it's been written for like ever, but between Britt and I - our schedules were crazy. But thank you all for your support and for those of you who read I Hope You Dance, I posted the first chapter of the sequel not to long ago. I hope you enjoy it - that story was my baby
Blaine smiled shyly and looked down to his plate to take a piece of the pie. As soon as the fork met his mouth the damn was broken and the silence was lifted.
"When was Mama here?" He asked, knowing her cooking far too well.
"She left before I texted you." Kurt replied, almost hesitantly.
"Why? How? And wait, how does she even know where you live? I never told her."
"Your sister and my best friend thought it would be a good idea to meddle in our love life." Blaine's face dropped with each word that Kurt spoke. He sighed tiredly.
"What's wrong B?" Kurt asked, his hand tentatively brushing the man's arm like the touch of a feather, terrified that he would feel the burn he did all those nights ago. He hated it. He hated knowing if he was allowed to touch the man he loved. He hated the uncertainty of it because he'd never been in such a situation before. More than anything he wished he could say his boyfriend, his partner, maybe one day even his husband; but right now all he is, is the man with whom he was in love with, the man who added the stars to his sky, the breeze over the waves of his ocean felt the same. The man whom, not even a week ago, he was planning is future around is now a figure of the past tense, unknowing, and lost.
Blaine noticed his hesitation and quickly made motions to stop Kurt's train of thought. He reached out and grabbed Kurt's hands cupping them in his own. "You can touch me you know."
"I-I'm sorry, it's just – yea…" Kurt shook his head, not ready to quite address that elephant in the room yet. Hell, he didn't even know if he would ever be ready to address it. "What's wrong B?"
Blaine let out a hyperventilated sigh and looked Kurt right in the eyes while holding his hands even tighter. "It's just… you said 'our' love life. Do we even have a love life anymore?"
"I don't know Blaine. There's some things that need to be addressed first." He watched as Blaine's eyes looked toward the floor seemingly in shame. Kurt pulled Blaine's hands, which were still encapsulating his, up to his cheek before turning his face to kiss his knuckles gently. "Hey, don't look ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think I mostly understand now, and I reacted horribly, I just want to know everything. Can we go talk?"
Blaine just nods and silently gets up from his seat. "Do you mind if we go to my room? I don't know when Santana is coming home and I don't want to be interrupted… but I mean… if it makes you uncomfortable we don't have to." He quickly back peddled immediately regretful that he mentioned the bedroom at all. Seriously Kurt, what made you think that it would be a good idea to invite him back into the bedroom. Bad things happened in there.
"Stop internally packing Kurt, your bedroom is fine." He paused before finishing his thought. "I trust you." Those three simple words made Kurt feel ten thousand feet tall. Those three words were exactly what he needed to hear.
The two slowly stood and wordlessly walked to the privacy of Kurt's bedroom, both too afraid to grasp each other's hand, both too fragile to remain pieced together.
Before long they were both awkwardly sitting on the bed facing each other when Kurt stood up, pulled the duvet back, laid down, and motioned for Blaine to lie down next to him.
"My bed has been so lonely without you. I hate to even sleep here. I can't stop thinking about Friday night and I need something to replace that memory with."
"Oh Kurt…" Blaine whispered as he laid down next to him pushing Kurt's cheek with the outside of his fingers.
"Okay…. Blaine, I know we have a lot to talk about, but I need to know why first. What did I do that made you feel that way? One minute we were fine and the next everything went to shit… the next I felt like part of my soul died."
"I'm sorry Kurt, I have been thinking a lot about what happened – talking about it too. My uncle has been over trying to help me figure some stuff out too – he's a psychologist – I guess – fuck – why is this so hard to talk about?"
"Why don't we just start at the beginning? We were talking about the holidays and you started to get dressed." Kurt fought his instinct to pull Blaine closer, opting to coil into himself instead.
"I guess everything just kind of bothered me. Not too long ago you were asking me to move in with you and then you didn't even invite me to spend the holiday with your family. I felt like… shit… I don't know what I felt like I just reverted back. Ricky used to do that. I don't think he thought that I was 'man' enough or some shit to come around his family so we avoided everything with his family. He would just leave me at home when he just went and did whatever."
"Oh baby…" Kurt began. "I am sorry that you have been through that but you have to believe me that I think we had a huge lapse in communication. Were you even listening to what I was saying?"
"I kind of blanked out after a few sentences." He looked down embarrassed and not wanting to meet Kurt's eyes.
"Blaine I was asking you what we should do with my family when you just lost it. I was about to ask if you thought your family would want to come or if it would just be us and Santana. I spent the last few days just trying to wrap my head around it and failing."
A lone tear dropped from the bridge of Blaine's nose onto his cheek that was resting on the pillow. "I'm so sorry Kurt."
"I'm not going to lie and say that I wish we could have talked about it then and that I wish that you hadn't reacted like that. That really hurt Blaine. You didn't have to even lift a finger but I felt like you hit me with a mack truck. I mean, I think I understand why now, and it makes me not angry, but it still hurts. You told me that you thought I was different. You looked at me like I was a monster. I have that image burned into my eyelids, every time I close my eyes I see you panic, I see you hide from me. Blaine I can't do that." Now it was Kurt's turn to shed a few tears, his voice just barely managed to choke out the last few sentences.
"Kurt, please don't cry. I am so, so sorry. I don't know what happened I just panicked. It was like we weren't even in this room anymore. We were back in the bedroom at the apartment I shared with him. That corner I backed into is where our door was. I didn't see you. In my panic all I saw and heard was him. I can still feel my heart pounding in my chest, the sound like a freight train was running by ears. I thought the ground was going to give out on me before I could catch my footing. I have never had a panic attack that severe and it's not your fault. Please believe me, I have a lot to work on with myself. I guess I am not as over the whole thing as I thought I was. I am so sorry that I hurt you in the process."
"Blaine please stop apologizing. I am not mad at you anymore. You went through something that I couldn't even begin to imagine, but you are still here standing tall – we'll figuratively speaking." He said the last portion with a smirk watching as Blaine glassy eyes lit up with a crack of laughter.
"You are such a jerk!"
"You love me." He replied without even thinking, his heart immediately jumping into his throat when he realized what he said.
"I do." Blaine just said, his voice just barely an audible whisper.
Whatever vice was locking Kurt into Blaine gave way and he was pulling Blaine in to his body, just breathing him in. He felt his body and soul calm as their breaths evened out and synced. This is just what he needed, his other half.
"Blaine, I talked to Santana and Mama and there are some things I need to talk to you about."
"Okay?"
"Well first, it has only been an hour since I put everything together so I am still wrapping my head around it all. But if we are going to make this work we need to work on our communication. That goes for both of us. I need to learn how to read nonverbal cues, but you also need to learn how to verbalize what you feel. If you need time alone, or if you are getting overwhelmed you need to tell me. Just don't leave, don't just panic. I know that sometimes it can't be helped, but I promise you that if you tell me that you need a minute or that I need a moment to yourself I will give it to you and I won't get mad at you because of it."
"I promise I will try. That is all I can do. I feel like such an idiot for the whole thing."
"Don't, we both learned some valuable lessons and I'm glad that we can get them out of the way so that we can move on. Also, Mama told me a little bit about you that I wish you could work on with me. I promise to stop jumping to conclusions if you stop running. Baby, if I do something don't run from me, don't hide. I know that goes against every one of your instinct but we need to address things head on."
"Okay."
Kurt placed a tender kiss on Blaine's lips before pulling him closer.
"I love you Blaine."
"I love you too Kurt." Blaine let out a hyperventilated sigh. He was so overwhelmed with a million different emotions running through him at once. "Are- are we okay?"
"Oh course we are baby. You will always be my bushy haired boyfriend." Kurt could feel Blaine's smile from here his face was pressed against his.
"Mama said something else."
"What's that?"
"She doesn't want us moving too fast."
Blaine pulled back from Kurt to look him in the eyes. "I don't think that I approve of this friendship between you two."
Kurt chuckled and swiped a stray curl off of Blaine's face. "Don't worry your pretty little head. She just said to give her sometime before she has to get a new dress and her silk hankie."
"Do you think that we are moving too fast? We only started dating a few months ago and you already asked me to move in with you."
"Honestly? No. We are both grown men Blaine, closer to thirty than we are twenty. I know that I love you and I want to be with you. I want to share my space with you. I do think that maybe we should wait a little while before you move in." Kurt didn't miss the moment that Blaine's face fell. "No baby, stop it's not like that. My idea is that you take some time to work out some unresolved stuff from your past and let's kick Santana the hell out of my house first. We will spend some time working on us and our relationship. We are going to talk more and have less sex." Blaine groaned at the last sentiment. "You are my best friend Blaine, I want you to know everything about me and I want to know everything about you."
"I think you're right."
"Of course I am. Now come here and cuddle with me, I missed you."
"I can't stay long, I have an early call."
"It's okay, all I ask is for twenty minutes and you can come over Friday maybe?"
"It's a date."
The two men pulled each other a close as they possibly could and just breathed each other in, their breaths synchronizing as one, giving the two men more peace than they have felt in a long time.
After about ten minutes of laying in silence Kurt began to sing softly in Blaine's ear.
"'Cause all of me loves all of you.
Love your curves and all your edges,
All your perfect imperfections…."
Blaine smiled with peaceful resolve. He knew that this was going to be okay. This is the man that he was going to spend the rest of his life with. This man was his everything. He just had a few things to work out on his own first. He also made a mental note to thank his Mama.
"Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
'Cause all of me, loves all of you…."
I'm going to say this right here right now... Chris writing an episode of Glee?! FUCK YES GIVE IT TO ME NOW... and him and a certain someone's cuteness makes me want to kick puppies - no not really - but you know lol