-x-
Chapter 18: Sick and Tired
I took a ride on a February morning.
Getting over it and dealing with the mourning
When I started thinking out loud:
That I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired
-x-
Sora knocked on the other end of a very familiar door, waiting for the person to answer. She knew what she had to say would be hard, but it was doable. Especially because it would benefit her later. And since it was for the best, she'd decided to do it.
When he opened the door, she subconsciously smiled. "Hey babe" He said, taken aback.
"Can I…?" She glanced inside.
He ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, yeah, yeah. Come in" He stepped aside from the entrance way to give her room to step inside.
"Thanks" She said, giving a nervous laugh as she followed him upstairs.
He looked back at her. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, coz I am but how come you're here?" He asked curiously.
Sora put her hands around his arm, laying her cheek against his shoulder. "I miss you is all and I figured we could…talk" She said sweetly, kissing his shirt.
Tai stood in front of his bedroom door. "Talk, you think we could do it later?" He said scratching the back of his head.
Sora looked up at him. "I, I guess but Tai what's going on? You're acting really weird" She commented, putting a hand on his door knob.
His face went slightly pale, "Uh Sor, listen I have to tell you someth—
But he didn't get to finish because she'd already opened the door. "Mimi?" Sora questioned, seeing the brunette sitting on the computer chair.
Mimi looked from Tai to Sora, caught completely off guard. "Hey…S" She greeted, her tone slightly awkward.
Sora looked up at Tai, an eye brow raised. "We gotta stop meeting like this" She said sarcastically.
Mimi got up. "I've just been real bored lately and I mean, I called you to hang out and you didn't pick up so I just came over here coz Tai said he wasn't busy so I just you know…" When she realized she was rambling, she closed her mouth.
Tai pinched his eyes closed, throwing his head back. "Yo, let's not bring the girl drama in here? Meems, there's nothing to explain…we're friends" He said tiredly. "And Sora?" He took her by the shoulders. "I love you. So can we all chill?" He looked from girl to girl, eye brows raised.
Sora threw off his hands. "Here's a better idea" She shoved his chest. "You two "chill" and I'll just go!" She pushed past him.
"Sora" Tai went to go after her.
Mimi grabbed his arm. "Let me?" She requested.
He hesitated, looking at the door she'd just walked out of. "All right" He said, touching her shoulder.
Mimi nodded, leaving the room.
"Sora, Sora please wait!" Mimi ran down the steps calling to the red head. "Sor!" She stopped her in the living room.
She turned around, arms crossed over her chest. "What is it Meems?" She asked wearily.
"Look, please don't look at this as anything but platonic, please?" The brunette begged. "Sor, I love you, okay? You're my best, best friend but sometimes you're not there and I don't begrudge you for that, I really don't. I just need someone to talk to sometimes and Tai's there for me, that's all" She promised.
Sora ran a hand through her hair. "I know, I know okay? And trust me it isn't about what you think" She said, slightly hostile.
Mimi furrowed her brows. "Then what is it about?" She asked softly.
Sora sighed. "Tai and me haven't been on the same page lately. Like at all. We're fighting and it's not good, you know? And when we aren't fighting, it's like there's an elephant in the room and we're not talking about it" She says helplessly.
"You're not gonna break up, right? I mean coz Sor, you guys can make this work" Mimi assured forcefully. "You two are like, Romeo and Juliet!"
Sora gave a dry laugh. "Romeo and Juliet killed themselves"
Mimi waived that off. "You know what I mean, Sor. You guys are meant to be" She stressed.
Sora nodded. "I can feel that too, I know he's the one for me and all" Her words struck a deep chord in Mimi's heart as she listened to Sora describe her view of Tai. If only she could have that with Matt. "And I just came over here to tell him all that, but I saw you and I just got turned around is all" She explained carefully.
Mimi let out a breath of relief. "Well listen, I'm outta here, kay? You guys talk it out" She smiled, patting her friend's arm.
Sora shook her head. "No, Meems you don't have to go, I can talk to him later" She said seriously.
"It's okay S, really" She said confidently. "Listen, I'm gonna be fine" She put her arms around the red head.
Sora hugged her back. "You sure?" She mumbled.
"I am. You go and make good with your boyfriend" She tucked a flaming lock behind her ear.
"You're a really good friend, Mimi. I wish you were happy" Sora said, her tone sincerely regretful.
Mimi nodded. "Yeah, me too" She whispered. "But you can be, so go" Mimi pointed towards the stairs. "A really great guy is pacing the floor for you" She said, a small laugh dying at her lips.
Sora smiled. "Okay, I'll see you later?" She asked slightly timid.
"Yes you will" Mimi tapped her nose. "I'm gonna get outta here" She said, gesturing towards the door.
Sora pulled her in for another hug. "Let's never let stupid things come between us?" She asked softly.
"Pinky swear" Mimi released her and held out her pinky.
Sora chuckled, intertwining her own with the brunette's. "Pinky swear" Sora repeated.
They both kissed their hands.
-x-
Somebody turn the lights on
Somebody tell me what's wrong,
I'd be lying if I told you,
That losing you was something I could handle
He knew it was time to give some of her stuff back to. And he figured that it would be a good reason to see her. At least that way, they'd be able to tie up some loose ends. Then, maybe some day, in a very distant future in possibly an alternate universe, they'd e able to become friends. He knew that the thought of them as friends was laughable but he'd be willing to give anything, anything a try to keep her in his life. In anyway possible.
He just knew that his heart ached for so much more. So much more than he could give her right now.
And as he stared around his room, feeling the impending reality of his life settling around him he realized he didn't want to have a reason to see her. He shouldn't need one. And as far as her stuff goes, he doesn't want to give any of it back. What they had, had been the most amazing part of his life thus far, no matter how short lived, and maybe they didn't get their fairytale ending but how many high school romance do?
What mattered more to him were the memories he had and he wasn't afraid to think about them, because he loved them, like he loved her. Still did.
As for the some day that would never come, he'd make the best of the circumstances.
So he got off his bed, kicked the empty box in a corner near the garbage, grabbed his car keys and his phone, and left.
-x-
Three hours later, Mimi sat on her bed, legs crossed and thoroughly bored. She figured that Tai and Sora were well in their make up sex by now and didn't want risk calling either of them. She didn't think her stomach could take it. It was times like these that she missed Matt most, well that was a lie, she missed him all the time, but more so when she was alone. He never left her alone, if he wasn't there physically, they'd be on the phone or online and she never felt alone. She hated being alone.
She'd stared at his number, practically burning a whole through her phone. God, she hated being this pathetic. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror with out wanting to chuck a shoe at the girl staring back. Because that girl was the desperate, I-need-a-guy-in-my-life, dependant girl, the same one she swore she'd never be. And even as she pep talked herself for the millionth time, she knew it wouldn't change the truth: She needed him like she needed air and it wasn't going away. Not anytime soon, anyway.
She heaved a long dramatic sigh and laid back on her bed, watching the ceiling fan make its rotations. "Is this what my life has come to?" She groaned, eyeing the ceiling with distaste.
Mimi knew she could probably call Kari but there was a chance she'd be hanging out with Tk and she refused to be a third wheel to their cuteness.
She figured that Yolie was a safer bet, since her and Ken were on the outs again, but she didn't know for sure that Yolie wouldn't be busy. And she didn't feel like making the effort to call someone who might be busy. And besides, they weren't even that great friends.
Zoe would have been a viable option, but the common element between them was her brother and she didn't want Zoe to have to pick sides. It wasn't fair to her.
And now she felt even more pathetic because most of her friends had boyfriends who they could spend their lazy Friday afternoons with instead of her and she wished she could be one of them.
"Maybe I should just give crazy, psycho Michael a chance" She mumbled to herself, giving a small laugh.
She was just about to get up to leave the house and go for a drive when the doorbell interrupted the process.
Feeling better and slightly excited she ran out of her room and down the stairs. Whoever the visitor was would get one hell of a greeting.
It rang a couple more times, "I'm coming!" She yelled, reaching for the door knob.
She unlocked it and flung the door open, the person standing behind it made her heart stop. "Wh—?" She couldn't formulate sentences, her brain stopped working.
He stared back at her through familiar blue eyes. "You mind?" He asked, walking in as she backed up.
"You can't be here" She breathed out, she'd never had a panic attack before but she was pretty sure this was what one felt like.
"I know, I'm not supposed to be okay—
"Then why are you?!" Mimi interrupted him, "Please Matt, please go?" she couldn't stand to be in the same school with him let alone the same room.
He stepped closer to her. "Could you just hear me out? Mimi, I've been trying to forget about you, but it's impossible!" He said in frustration. "Mimi, I love—
"Don't finish that" She cut him off. "You don't love me, you don't care about and you know what, you don't want me"
Matt laughed sarcastically. "You've got it completely wrong" He said dryly. "You know that none of that is true, I know you do"
Mimi squeezed her eyes shut, running a hand over her face. "Matt, all I know is you broke up with me, didn't tell me why, then I found out that you're going to be a father from someone who—
"I screwed up! But I can't be with out you, Mimi, I can't!" His voice on the edge of yelling. "I do love you, I do care about you and Mimi?"
"What?!" She growled from her place in front of him, her chest heaving up and down as she glared at him.
He took her by the shoulders and crushed his lips against hers in a haze of passion and longing. For a minute she stood, stunned but she kissed back. He felt her kiss back. But before long he pulled away. "And that? That's how much I want you" He said, slightly breathless.
She backed away from him, her hand against quivering against her lips as if she'd done something wrong. "You need to leave, Matt. You really do" She was on the brink of tears and seeing him standing there was almost enough to send her over the edge.
"Mimi, baby, please just hear me out?" He begged. "I hate what's going on with us"
"Matt!" She screamed in irritation. "Is Kira still pregnant?"
"What? Uh, of course"
"And is she still having your baby?"
He looked away from her gaze. "Yes…" He said, ashamed to hear her say it out loud.
"And are you still with her?" She asked, her voice almost inaudible.
He hesitated, "I…yeah" He knew it was over.
She shook her head sadly. "Then babe, we are where we are" She said shakily. "I can't talk about this anymore" She whimpered.
"Mimi" He groaned. "Please?" He wasn't willing to let her go, he just couldn't.
She put a hand on her forehead. "Matt can't you see? This is killing me! Standing here with you is killing me!" She cried out. "So please, please just leave!"
Matt couldn't stand to see her hurt, he wouldn't be the cause of it, and not when he didn't have to be. But leaving wasn't an option either, he couldn't let this go. "I love you" He whispered.
"Matt if you love me you'd—
"Mimi! Meems, let's go to the park, get ready" Tai's voice boomed through the house as he came closer to the two of them.
"Go, go now" Mimi growled. "Really Matt, leave. I can't have the two of you here, its only going to cause more problems and I don't need any more so leave!" She hissed, pushing his back towards the door.
Matt wouldn't budge. "Baby, I need you and I'm not going to leave because he's here" He laughed mirthlessly.
"Stop calling me baby, stop telling me you need me and stop saying you love me! I don't want you here—
"Meems who are you…" His stopped mid speech as his eyes fell on the blonde in the room. "What is he doing here?" Tai narrowed his eyes at him.
Mimi let out a shaky breath. "Okay, you leave please, now?" She said to directly to Matt.
But his eyes were on Tai. "Hey asshole, we're busy. How about you come back for your playdate later huh?" Matt smirked mercilessly.
Mimi saw the muscle jumping Tai's jaw. "Okay, that's it. Matt, will you just leave!" She intervened.
He was angry. "You leave her alone, do you hear me?" Tai barked, his nose almost touching Matt's. "She doesn't want you around and if you come by again I promise you won't walk out" He threatened.
He laughed. "Round two? Coz I'm down" He said with a careless shrug.
Neither of them were listening to her, they were too wrapped up in their own rivalry to notice she was nearly in tears. "Matt, Tai! Stop! Matt if you don't leave, I swear I will never ever speak to you!" She shouted, "I can't deal with this right now and I will not have blood in the carpet!" She added heatedly.
The two of them backed away from each other slowly. "Leave, bastard" Tai sneered.
"You're so fucking lucky she's here right now, otherwise I swear I'd be burying you right now" Matt retorted, walking towards the door.
His hand touched the door knob before he turned around. "I do care about you, Mimi. I'm sorry things turned out this way" He stared right into her eyes but it felt like he was staring right into her heart, she was almost sure he could see it break.
Mimi didn't break his gaze, for once seeing that he was as much a victim of circumstance as she was. "Me too" She said quietly, feeling her repressed tears leak out.
He gave her a small nod, feeling his heart ache for her. "Bye" He said as he left, closing the door behind him.
Mimi turned into Tai's chest, her tears leaking into his shirt. He put an arm around her waist, holding her steady. "Shh, you're gonna be okay" He murmured into her hair.
"This was worst than I thought it would be" She sobbed, her entire body shaking.
He couldn't really bare to see her like this, she shouldn't have to be put through this. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" He continued to repeat, rubbing her back and holding her tighter.
She laid her cheek on his chest, feeling her body going numb. She couldn't really make out what he was saying anymore. She wasn't really sure if she could hear him. All she could feel was the gaping hole where her heart should've been.
Somebody turn the lights on
Somebody tell me how long
All this darkness will surround you
Cuz I'm burnin' for you
Burning like a candle…
-x-
"Matt this better be important because I was on my way to meet Tai and Mimi—
"Sora" Matt cut off sharply, dribbling the ball between his legs. "It is" He said firmly.
She nodded with out another word, taking a seat across from him on the beat up old bleachers that hadn't been replaced since the 1950's. "So talk to me" She prompted.
He took a shot, seeing it bounce of the rim he inwardly groaned. Where the hell had his game gone? "Dayum, babe, you suck" She commented.
He gave her a glare. "Thanks Sor" He said, tucking the ball under his arm and walking over to her.
He took a seat next to her. "I went to go see Mimi today" He said, getting ready to wince because he knew she'd smack.
"Get out!" Her eyes widened with shock. "You really are the biggest idiot on the planet, aren't you!" She shoved his shoulder, her eyes narrowed in anger.
He grabbed her fists. "Stop, Red, come on!" He couldn't help but laugh when she tried to kick him. "Sora!" He choked out between laughs.
"You think this is funny!" She accused. "You are so dumb, I can't even begin to tell you how much I want to kill you!" She screeches.
Matt holds his hands to his ear. "Sora, please, your voice—it hurts" He winced.
She rolled her eyes. "And if I know you, I can bet that isn't even the worst part" She huffed.
He got a guilty look on his face. "You'd win that bet" He mumbled.
She groaned. "I knew it, what did you do?" She whined.
He sighed. "I might have…kissed her?" he said, backing away from the strike zone.
Her eyes looked positively enraged, he flinched just seeing her. "Sor, now look, I just did it—
"Don't speak, please. I can't listen to you anymore" She interrupted, acid lacing every word that tripped off her tongue. "I swear, it's like you really don't listen to a word I say and you know what? I'm getting so fucking tired of every other person pointing that out!" She snapped.
"Sora—
"No, you shut up. I'm gonna talk and you can pretend to listen coz its what you do best" She glared at him. "And another thing? I don't understand why you ask me what I think when you're just gonna go do what you want anyway! It's like, why do you make me waste my time and my breath, you obviously don't care!"
He ran a tired hand over his face. "I'm sorry, but doesn't anyone get how fucked up this is for me?!" He says in aggravation.
"Of course we do, but Matt, it isn't just about you anymore and it's about time you learned that!" She grabbed her bag off the bleachers, "And seriously? Grow up, because I'm tired of this Matt, I'm sick and tired" She said over her shoulder, her voice wary.
He knew she had every right to be upset with him, everyone did. He'd been selfish since he could remember and everyone around him sat there and tolerated it when they didn't have to. He knew he wasn't a good person before, but she'd started to bring him out of that. Now he was back to square one and more lost than ever. And it even though it killed him to even think it but he wished he'd never met her. At least then he wouldn't know what he's missing.
And the weird feeling of losing something wouldn't overwhelm him so much.
-x-
"I really do love you" She murmured, clinging to his chest.
He kissed the top of her head. "I know babe, I love you too" He smiled, cuddling her just a little closer.
"Was Mimi okay when you left her?" She asked, concern evident in her voice.
He chuckled. "Yeah, she was fine. Truthfully, I think I've been smothering her lately" He answered.
She trailed her finger along his arm. "Hm. Why is that anyway?" She asked, genuinely curious.
He shrugged. "I just figure she needs someone to look out for her, ya know? I mean she's in a bad place, I just wanna be there for her" He didn't consider this as lying, he could never lie to Sora. But he just figured, it was more like omitting some details. Can't persecute a guy for that, right?
"Whatever Tai" She said lazily, not bothering to question him anymore. She knew she was safe with the two of them, they were more like brother and sister than anything else. Even looked alike.
He brought his lips to her forehead. "What'd you do the whole time anyway?" He asked, with slight interest.
She brought the sheet up a little higher, "Went to see Matt" She mumbled.
"Didn't get that" He prompted her. "What'd you say?"
She sighed. "I went to see Matt" She said, more clearly this time.
The look of disapproval she'd been searching for in his eyes wasn't there, in fact he seemed unfazed by the whole thing. "Oh, well that's good" he said, his tone careless.
She raised an eyebrow up at him. "That's it?" She asked suspiciously.
"He's your friend, whatever beef I got with the homeboy is between him and me" He said simply. "You're cool with him and that's cool with me" He grinned.
She hugged him tighter. "I really love you" She smiled into his chest. "I really, really, really love you" She repeated.
He laughed, squeezing her waist. "I know" He pulled her on top of him. "You're amazing Sor, I just never want you to forget that okay? And even if we don't end up together—
"We will" She said firmly, with out a single doubt in her mind, she knew he was it for her, "the one" and she was more than content with the feeling.
He brushed a gentle thumb across her cheek. "But if we don't" He continued, thinking about what had happened between Matt and Mimi, "Just know that I have never loved anything more than I love you" He finished, sincerity sparkling in his deep brown eyes.
She stared at him, her eyes locked with his, she could feel the tears welling up and she forced them back. She wouldn't cry because she was happy, it was too cliché.
Instead, she brought her mouth to hover over his. "You are so getting lucky…again" She whispered against his lips.
He laughed a deep, throaty laugh, "Come here" He pulled her even closer, hugging her to him for a minute before swiftly turning them around, lightly pinning her underneath him.
As her giggles reached his ears he knew there wasn't a single person in the world he could ever be with. She was the one for him like he was the one for her and he couldn't never doubt it again. "And for the record" He said softly. "I really, really, really love you too"
-x-
So her lazy Friday afternoon had turned into an overly dramatic one with an impromptu trip to the park. A place she absolutely hated. She was a beach girl, always had been and parks are only fun if you can take a romantic walk with your boyfriend. Playing Frisbee with an overly enthusiastic Tai? Not fun, in the least. Needless to say, he was very upset when she decided to duck out a half hour after they'd gotten there.
She knew he's just wanted to get her out of the funk she'd gotten herself into and she loved him for that but seriously, a trip to the park? A trip to Fiji, maybe, but the park in the lamest part of town, where the mathletes held their monthly meetings, was not her idea of getting out of a funk. But she appreciated him nonetheless, it was nicest thing anyone had done for her in a while so she hoped he knew that.
Still, she was back on her bed at nine o clock and she wondered if there was anyone in this town that didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend to hang out with. And for a minute, she let herself think of what she'd be doing if she was with Matt.
It didn't surprise her that she knew exactly what they'd be doing right now. Probably making out through the end of a movie she'd picked out after a lot of pouting and begging and then she'd convince him to stay the night. She doesn't know if they'd do much of anything this particular night, except sleep, but she knows she'd love every minute of it. Because being with him had been like being with a person she felt like she'd been waiting for, forever.
And God, did it sound cheesy. Mimi knew it sounded cheesy, even in her own mind she was practically gagging. But it was what she felt, in words, that's the only way it could be described. Like he was the missing part of her 1,000 piece puzzle and after he'd been put in, she was complete. Now she felt like there was something missing again but only this time it was worse. Because she knew exactly what she was missing.
-x-
He'd been biding his time, carefully planning every move as if it were an elaborate game of chess. He knew he'd used his pawns, one or two unjustly, perhaps, but they were all in the name of the game. His prize would be worth it. And as he moved across the bored, destroying every piece in his way, he realized he didn't have much left between him and his queen. Her rooks had stepped aside, her king in a forlorn battle of his own and her bishop tangled in a mess of romance. That just left her knight and he had a feeling he'd be out of the picture soon enough, and if not? He'd take care of it.
Because there was absolutely nothing that would stand in his way now. He'd come this far and he wouldn't leave empty handed, he set his sights on his trophy and there wasn't a thing in the world that would be able to sway him from it. He'd made up his mind, he knew when he was going to strike and he knew it was going to be soon. Her defenses were weak from the onslaught of attacks she'd been facing the past few days and he knew the time was approaching soon.
It was do or die and he wasn't going to die. He knew what he wanted and he always got it. Always.
And with out a Matt or a Joe or a Tai in the way, he'd take his precious Mimi and leave this place forever. He knew deep down she wanted this too, why would she want to stick around in a dead end, Podunk, town like this one when she was destined for so much more. So much better, so much greater. And he'd get her there, with her at his side and him at hers the two of them would be unstoppable, at least in his mind they would be.
He smiled just thinking about it.
He took out his phone and stared at the number she'd programmed herself, her hands sliding over the keys. He breathed out a long wistful sigh, all he wanted was to feel her again.
He began to form a message to send to her, feeling the tingles go from his head to his toes. Thinking about her, alone in her room, reading something from him made him grin in anticipation. He couldn't wait to send it, just so he could imagine her reaction.
I'm still here and I can't wait to see you…
He was sure she shivered as she read it, her tiny frame shaking slightly as she set her phone to the side. He could see her eyes widening, her lips parting, her breathing sharpening. It made him giddy. She wanted him and he wanted her and he couldn't wait to have her.
-x-
A/N:
We hadn't seen much of our neighborhood stalker in all the drama and commotion, but don't be fooled, he's here and he's watching us all. And as if that isn't disconcerting enough, the plans he has for our favorite brunette send shivers down my spine. Furthermore, now that Matt's out of the picture, Tk's found a girlfriend in Kari and Tai's caught up in a whirlwind romance of his own, will anyone be able to stop him?
What about S? Doesn't it bother her that Tai and Mimi are so close, does she really believe that its all platonic or is she just deluding herself? Does she wish M wasn't so clingy? I know I would, I'd want to keep a hottie like Tai all to myself! And as we've all seen, S does have somewhat of a jealous streak. So where does that leave the two "BFF's"? Would she really abandon M when she might just need her best friend the most? Guess you'll just have to stay tuned ;)
Speaking of Songs- Sick and Tired: The White Tie Affair.
Note- When Michael is talking about his little weird chess game, I figure that the King was Matt, the Bishop is Tk, the Rooks (Izzy, Joe etc) and Tai her knight. Just in case anyone found that confusing…
Sorry for the somewhat late update, hope this was okay! Thank yous to every single one of you who take the time out to review, it means everything!
Until Next Time!
-Chris
P.S- NEW CHAPTER OF THIRTY ONE DAYS UPDATED AS OF: 05/02/09!