PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POINT OUT ANY MISTAKES!
AND HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY TO MY BABIES, BRITTANA!
Santana
Saturday, 29th March 2023
Brittany out of hospital about two days ago. I haven't let her do anything. I can tell she's still on edge about everything. She's going to see Flynn about the tour tomorrow; I also convinced her to let me go.
I'm in the middle of cooking some bacon for lunch when I hear Harley running down the hall and attacking my hip.
"Mommy!" She says quietly, burying her dance into my waist.
"Did you have a good nap?" I ask her.
"Yeah," she nods her head. "But Momma kept sweating and shaking," she tells me. I bend down and lift her into my arms.
"Can you go and watch some TV?" I ask softly, quickly tossing the bacon into the bin. I know it's not gonna get cooked properly anyway. Quickly, I walk into the living room and set Harley on the sofa. I kiss her cheek as she gets distracted by the cartoon behind me.
When walk into the bedroom I see Brittany frantically shaking, gripping the duvet as much as possible. There's a sweat patch on the pillow.
"Britt," I sit next to her on the bed. "Baby," I rub up and down her leg.
"No..." She mumbles to herself. "No, San."
"Brittany, it's just a nightmare baby," I pry her fingers off the duvet and roll her until she's facing me.
"Don't leave me," a tear falls down her cheek.
"Britt, I'm right here babe," I press my lips to hers and she immediately responds. I pull away slowly when her eyes start to flutter open slowly. "Hey," I coo. "What happened?" I lift her up so I can slide underneath and have her lay on my chest. She immediately buries her face in my neck, only to flinch when I lightly wrap my arms around her front.
"Are you gonna leave me San?" She asks meekly. I can feel tears seeping through my t-shirt.
"I'm never leaving you Britt," I kiss the top of her head. "Ever. Why would I?" This isn't the first time since Brittany went to hospital that she's had a nightmare about us.
"You left me, and took Harley," she cries.
"It was a nightmare baby," I kiss her forehead. "I love you." I count to ten with her a couple of times to avoid a panic attack. "How do you feel?"
"I'm sorry," she says softly. She buries her head into my chest and I lean my chin on her head.
"Why are you sorry B?" I ask. There's no reason to be sorry.
"I don't even know," she replies, laughing slightly. "I'm scared," the blonde says shakily. She peeks her head up at me.
"You don't have anything to be scared about," I reassure her. She sits up and turn around so she's facing me. I fiddle with my engagement ring before pointing at it. "I am never leaving you. I'm dedicated to you. The love of my life. My soulmate," I tell her. It causes her to blush and smile. "I love you," I start to repeat. "Why are you scared?"
"I'm scared that I'm going to drive you away," she admits. I furrow my eyebrows. "I'm scared that you'll leave because you'll get sick of taking care of me."
"Seriously Britt, you think that I'm going to leave you because you have panic attacks?" I ask, holding her hands. She nods slowly. "Read my lips babe," I say slowly. "I'm. Never. Leaving. You. Ever. I'm going to marry you. All of you. Panic attacks and all. Every hospital trip. Any and every therapy session you want me to go to," I lean forward and capture her lips in mine. When we got out of hospital, I booked Brittany's first appointment with Dr Nichols and we're both going next week.
"I'm sorry," she says again.
"Jesus," I mutter under my breath. "Don't be sorry," I say. "Ever. Unless you take my peanut butter," I tell her seriously causing her to laugh. "Promise?" I hold out my pinky and she wraps hers around mine shakily.
"I love you," she says leaning up and kissing me on the lips.
"Never doubt yourself again Britt," I return another kiss before I hear a glass smash in the kitchen. I close my eyes and sigh. "C'mon," I take her hand and stand up. We walk into the kitchen hand in hand. There's a bowl of cereal smashed on the floor.
"I'm sorry Mommy," Harley says, looking up from the smashed bowl. She's crouched down next to it and moving the piece around.
"It's okay baby, just don't-"
"Ow!" She cries and jog to her side quickly. There's blood dripping down her hand. It doesn't look deep so I pick her up. "It hurts," I brace her on my hip and whisper to Brittany to clean the mess up.
"Sh," I kiss the side of Harley's head and run her to the bathroom. I sit her on the toilet lid and get a paper towel to wrap her finger up in. There's blood on my white t-shirt now. I hear Harley sniffling and whimpering behind me. "Sh, baby. Mommy's gonna make it all better," I coo. I kiss her forehead and reach for a plaster.
Once I've cleaned up her finger, I kiss it and wrap the plaster around it. "What were you doing with the bowl Harley?" I ask, crouching down in front of her.
"I made a bowl of cereal," she mutters lowly, still sniffling. I push away the tear on her cheek. "Then I dropped the bowl, I'm sorry Mommy."
"It's okay. But you should've waited for me to carry it. I'm proud of you for making a bowl of cereal though," I smile and she looks up at me. "If you are carrying a bowl always carry it with both hands."
"You're not mad about the bowl?"
"No, it's just a bowl. I'm just sad that you got hurt," I assure her, cupping her soft cheek. "How about, we go out and buy a new bowl just for you?"
"Can it be orange?" She asks excitedly.
"It can be any colour you want," I laugh, completely reassuring her.
"Cool," she smiles at me. I pick her index finger up and kiss it before taking her hand to bring her into the kitchen again. Brittany is on her hands and knees, scrubbing at the floor that looks completely clean. I know that sometimes people who have bad anxiety can sometimes get caught in trances where they repeat things.
"Harley, can you go get dressed please?" I ask, looking down at her. She's picking at the plaster on her finger. "Don't play with it mija," I say quietly. She turns around and runs to her bedroom in her red-footed pyjamas. "Brittany," I get on my hands and knees and crawl slowly towards her. "Britt, baby," I slide my hand over towards hers. "Britt, you can stop baby. It's clean," I say softly, placing my hand on hers and stopping it slowly. Slowly, I pry her hand off the dishcloth and put it behind me. I take her hands in mine and her right hand is freezing, wet and very red.
"What's wrong with me San?" She starts to cry.
"Nothing is wrong with you Brittany," I cradle her head in my arms and run my hands through her hair. I pull her blonde locks out of a pony tail and play with loose curls at the bottom. "You stopped straight away, I'm so proud of you," I pepper kisses over the top of her head.
"I hate this," she sobs, moving her head to my shoulder. I hear Harley running down the hall and then feel Brittany tense up. Harley walks over to her and hugs her from behind.
"Don't be sad Momma," Harley mumbles, placing her chin onto Brittany's shoulder. The blonde turns her head to face Harley. She buries her head in Harley's neck and smiles. I rub up and down Brittany's leg.
"I love you Harley," Brittany says weakly.
"I love you too," she young latina replies. She grabs the sides of Brittany's face and makes her turn around. I watch as Harley wipes Brittany's tears away with her sleeve. She then kisses Brittany on the cheek and I notice that Brittany's hands are now stilled. "Can we go to the park?" Harley whispers loudly.
"Yep," the blonde replies quickly. "I'm gonna get changed first Princess. Then we can go to the park and force Mommy onto the swings," I snap my head to Brittany and furrow my eyebrows. She turns around to face me and presses a kiss to my lips. "I love you," she says sweetly before standing up slowly. She pulls me up. "You're getting on the swings," she whispers in my ear.
Brittany convinced me to get on the swings; I made her buy a white hot chocolate for me because it's actually really cold. I've noticed that Harley calms Britt down a lot. She brings out the child in her and she forgets about everything.
"San, are you ready?" Brittany asks me as I sit down on the swing.
"Uh, yeah," I squeak. I'm actually so f*cking scared right now. I hate swings because there's no protection. I could fall off this death trap within seconds. Quickly, I grip the chains at my sides as Brittany starts to push slowly. Harley is sitting on the swing next to me, happily pushing herself back and forth. She starts to push more forcefully and I squeeze my eyes shut.
"I got you baby," Brittany says when my feet are not able to touch the ground any more. "Open your eyes San," she says loudly. Slowly, I open one eye at a time. My breath hitches when I see that I'm very high up in the air. I can hear Harley giggling below me.
"Britt, stop," I shout. I descend to the ground and Brittany stops the swing. I feel her chin on my shoulder and I open my eyes again since I squeezed them shut before.
"You're on the ground babe," she chuckles. I lower my legs until my feet touch the ground. "You're okay San, you're alive," she runs in front of me. I pout because I know she's teasing me. I jump to my feet and into her arms, causing her to stumble back. I wrap my legs around her hips.
"Thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you."
"Like never before," she sings.
"And I wish you all the love in the world," I say back to her. She loosens her grip on me and I plant my feet on the ground.
"But most of all, I wish it from myself," she says loudly so now there are loads of people looking at us.
"And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score," I reply just as loudly.
"And I love you, I love you, I love you," she basically yells, very happily. I'm now laughing and clutching my stomach.
"Like never before... Like never before!" I yell back to her, still laughing. The people around us start clapping and I feel Harley run up to me and hug my leg. We're suckers for Fleetwood Mac, deal with it. That's probably the best version I've heard yet because it was so spontaneous and we didn't actually sing it.
30th March 2023
Brittany and I have just parked outside the dance studio. She hasn't been to work for about a week. Flynn hasn't seen her since before we got engaged.
"You okay?" I ask, reaching my hand over to hers that's rested on the driving wheel.
"Yep, lets go," she snaps her head to me and smiles. I lean over and kiss her lips. I open the car door and wait until Brittany has accompanied me. I slip my hand into hers and lead her into the front office of the dance studio. "Hey Lily, is Flynn on break?" Brittany asks the receptionist.
"Yeah, he should be in studio 4 on his break," the girl replies.
"Thanks," Brittany takes the lead and walks me up the stairs. "San, promise me you won't go all Lima Heights on his sorry ass?" Brittany questions when she stops me in front of the studio.
"I can't promise anything," I grumble. She rolls her eyes and twists the door knob. Flynn is sitting in the corner, munching on a sandwich.
"Hey guys," he perks up and puts his sandwich down. He stands up and walks over to Brittany and engulfs her in a hug. "I thought you weren't working today?" He states, backing away from her. He then looks me up and down. "Finally popped the question Britt?" He smiles.
"Uh, yeah," Brittany chuckles nervously.
"Congrats," he exclaims. "So, why are you guys here?"
"Flynn, I can't go on the tour," Brittany says softly.
"Brittany, you have to go on the tour, how many times have I told you?" Flynn replies. He's trying to stay calm.
"And how many times have I told you, I can't go on the tour," I feel Brittany start to tense up.
"Britt, are you stupid? You can't not go on the tour," he shouts. Oh... He shouldn't have gone there. I stand in front of her and go to leap on Flynn. I feel Brittany's arms around my waist and pull me back.
"Don't call her stupid, ever!" I yell at him.
"San, calm down," Brittany says lowly. I can hear Brittany pull out the letter from Dr James. "Flynn, read this," she hands it over to him and he unfolds the letter. Brittany rubs the small of my back and drops her chin onto my shoulder.
"Oh, dude," he says lowly. "I had no idea."
"Of course you didn't."
"I'm going to re-choreograph it without me and I'm not going on the tour Flynn," Brittany tells him.
"Yeah, I didn't know that Brittany. You could've told me," he hands me the letter and flicks his bangs to the side. He runs his hand through his brunette hair.
"Well, you didn't even ask her," I growl. Brittany slides her hand down my arm and squeezes my hand.
"I am sorry, and I will miss you on the tour," he says genuinely. I look away from him and cross my arms.
2nd April 2023
Its been a few days since we explained to Flynn about why Brittany isn't going on tour. We talked for a long time after that and I eventually forgave Flynn. But all is forgotten. Brittany's anxiety has calmed down a lot. She went to therapy on Monday and I'm actually starting to notice the difference since. Next week I will be joining her.
Right about now, I'm at work. I'm looking over all the paperwork that I've written out for the past week and I realise that its complete crap. I've been so focused on Britt, that my work has started to slack. I'm catching up on all the work and re-writing some of this crap. I've got a huge case coming up next week. It's one of those custody cases. I haven't even realised it until now that its between two men, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. They're divorced?
They've got a little girl, Kaitlyn, and they both want full custody. I've got to find a way to give Kurt full custody. This should be easy, never liked Blaine anyway.
"Miss Lopez," my assistant, Jenna, knocks on the door and peeks her head into my office.
"Yeah Jenna," I look up from my scattered paper work.
"Mr Kurt Hummel is here for his meeting with you," she says lightly.
"Thank you Jenna," I smile and start to move around the papers on my desk so it looks more presentable. I can smell the aftershave waft into the room and I lift my head up to see one Kurt Hummel.
"Santana Lopez, I have not seen you in forever," he squeals.
"Sit down," I say to him, still cleaning my desk. "So, how have you been?"
"As well as possible whilst going through a divorce," he chuckles.
"What've you got for me Hummel, why do you deserve to have full custody?"
"Well, Blaine always works and he's never home," Kurt starts to ramble on about reasons why he deserves custody. I note down everything that I can make useful. I couldn't imagine me and Brittany going through this; I never want to imagine. If Brittany and I got divorced, not happening by the way, then I would want split custody. We're both stable parents. "How much of that do you think you can use?" He asks me with a shaky voice.
"Well, probably most of it. I've been able to get a copy of Blaine's work schedule and that will definitely help. I've also noticed that Mr Blaine has worked up quite the bill at the Gay Bar down the road. From what I can see, Blaine is not a stable parent," I tell him confidently. "But we will still have to fight. We will fight for your rights okay?" He nods quickly, biting his lip. "Good. I hope your mentally prepared for this Kurt because court can get to people easily."
"I'm ready Santana. I'd do anything to keep my little girl safe."
"Okay, as long as you're ready for this, then I'm ready to fight Kurt," I pick up my briefcase and place the papers that I need to study into it. "Want to get a coffee?" I ask, pulling my hair out of the high pony.
"Sure," he smiles, standing up. "You are looking good Santana," he compliments.
"As are you Lady Hummel," I reply quickly.
"How are you and Brittany?" He asks as we walk out of the law firm.
"We are getting there. It's never smooth sailing," I tell him honestly. Sometimes I feel like Kurt is that kind of aunt that you can tell anything and everything.
"Don't think I didn't notice that rock on your finger," he sniggers, pointing at my engagement ring.
"Yeah, she asked me on St Patricks day," I tell him, not being able to rip the smile off my face. "It was really cute."
"That is so romantic," he gushes. "You have to let me plan the wedding."
"Maybe Hummel, just maybe."
"And how is that adorable daughter of yours?"
"She is perfectly fine thank you very much Hummel."
We walk to the coffee shop and order drinks. He continues to ask me about the proposal, the wedding and Harley. We set up a date for Harley and Kaitlyn, who is three, to play. Then he has a little cry about Blaine.
Thank God Brittany and I will never get to that place. I'm sure of it.
A/N: Don't know if I liked this chapter. I like the beginning of it, but I got tired towards the end so it got really shitty, sorry about that. I'll make it up in the next chapter.
What do you want to see next chapter because I actually have no ideas!
We saw more of Brittany's anxiety, but not as bad.
We see how her anxiety is affecting Santana. More Harley fluff by the way!
Also, what sort of family do you want them to have? I was thinking about this and I can't decide whether to give them 3 or 4 kids. IDK. They won't be having children in the near future by the way, I was just wondering!
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Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!