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Chapter twenty: Hurt
Lana and Emmett lied in bed just watching each other. After Lana finished her breakfast Emmett had managed to get her back into bed for a second round.
She just couldn't say no to him. No, she didn't want to say no to the man. She needed the contact just as much as he did. She was sure she could spend the rest of her life in his arms. Never needing a break from what he had to offer.
The thought scared her. She felt dependent on him, and she never felt like she needed someone to live before. She was always independent. So yes the thought of needing Emmett so much scared her.
"What are you thinking about?" Emmett asked needing to know. He often wished he could here what she was thinking. Her silence was always filled with questions.
"You." Lana replied making Emmett feel as though he couldn't be happier. She was thinking of him.
"What about me?" Emmett asked wanting to know more.
Lana thought about it, and decided not to lie. "I was thinking about how much I think I need you." She said hoping she wouldn't regret saying it.
Emmett took her hand, and kissed it. The best person in his world was admitting that she needed him. HIM. There were no words to how much that made his want to both laugh and cry.
"I need you too." He replied. He needed her more then he could ever show. Words didn't cover how much he needed her.
Her return smile filled him, and changed the mood once again. He shifted so he was on top of her kissing her tenderly. He felt her hands glide down his sides to his hips. He allowed the sensation to fog his mind, and the need take him.
Lana sat at the table at her moms house. She had just left Emmett's. He needed to take a job in Florida for some wedding. As much as neither of them wanted him to go he had to. He couldn't put his life on hold.
"Bay are you okay?" Kathryn asked joining her.
Lana looked at her hands that were gripping the glass of ice tea her mom had handed her more then ten minutes ago. She had yet to take a sip. " Why did I leave?" She asked before she realized that it was bothering her. Through this whole thing, one feeling remained constant. The feeling that she was leaving, and never coming back.
Lana looked at Kathryn who looked completely unhappy about this topic. Kathryn took a deep breath to steady herself.
"Your life emotionally wasn't always easy. You never felt like you belonged. Then we learned about the switch, and it only brought a tone of more questions." She paused. "You were so angry. You were having a hard time with Daphne, and the art school you were hoping to get in declined you. You and your father got into a huge fight, and from there things just got worse. Please don't let old feelings let you leave again." She said tears forming in her eyes.
Lana took her hand. "I won't. I think I need to try to keep the past behind me." Kathryn nodded as she squeezed Bay's hand.
"Did you ever wish that the switch never happen?" Lana asked suddenly feeling self doubt about the switch.
"Oh honey. You were the best gift in the world. I do wish we had more time with Daphne, But the thought of never having you is unthinkable. You were always wanted." Kathryn hugged her tight.
Lana hugged her back. Jeez these days have been emotional. It was bitter sweet that she only had a week left. She was so ready to go home, and get back to work, but she wasn't ready to leave. There was so much she needed to know. She wanted new memories with them. She just felt stuck in the middle of old and new.
"Could I borrow your car? I just need to clear my head." She asked suddenly. She wanted to drive around. Learn her surroundings.
"Yeah of course." Kathryn said handing Lana the keys.
"Really? Just like that?" She said surprised. She was sure some persuasion was going to have to take place.
"Yeah, just be careful." Kathryn said smiling.
Lana thanked her, and left. She didn't know where she was going, and didn't really care. She just drove. After a while she found herself in front of Buckner. She pulled up but stayed in the car. She could see herself walking threw the halls here. She remembers hating it.
She was about to pull away when the memory hit her. She was with Emmett. He was telling her that he liked her. She was shocked when he surprised her with a kiss she could believe she ever forgot. She sank into her seat. That was it. That was the first kiss they ever shared. She closed her eyes. How did she forget something like that? The kiss was so simple, but somehow meant the world to her.
She found herself at a junk yard next. She wasn't sure why she was here, but she knew she was here before. She could remember being with Emmett, and she was sure this is when she started to fall for him. "You know what is amazing? You are the best listener I know." Lana remembers herself saying, along with. "This is the most rocking game of charades ever."
Lana drove around some more. She had no clue where she was, and sure she was lost. She was going to turn around, and go home, but somehow she ran out of gas. She managed to pull over so she was out of the road. Not that it was super busy. Confused she got out. The gas gauge said she had half a tank.
Lana decided she would just walk to the gas station. Where ever that was. Kathryn had an empty gas container in the trunk. As she walked she looked around. This seemed familiar. Like she had been here before. She laughed to herself a little. It wasn't like it wasn't possible.
She ended up looking at a wall that had faded graffiti on it. She was staring at the first picture it was two sets of eyes, and under it said, first met June 2011. The next picture was two people kissing, First kiss September 2011. The next was a picture of a cake, First birthday surprise October 2011. The next was a hand signing I love you, under it said, First "I love you" February 2012.
Her heart dropped at the next picture I was a broken heart with the words, Emmett makes a mistake. Tears came to her eyes. She remembers this. She remembers how hurt she was, and they way this just confused her further. She turned the corner. The next picture was holding hands, Bay forgives Emmett. The last picture was a whole heart with their initials in it. BK and EB. Under it said, Bay and Emmett forever. She put her hand on the heart, and the memory had her fall to her knees. It hit her hard knocking the breath out of her.
Bay sat on the hood of her car, and she watched as Emmett pulled up on his bike. She stood as he walked over to her.
"I am so happy you texted...Did you see it? Did you like it?...Please say something." Emmett said.
"You ruined everything." Bay replied.
"I know."
"No. You don't know. You ruined us." She raised her voice as she spoke. "You ruined every other relationship I'm ever going to have. How am I supposed to fall for someone else when you do things like that!"
"I don't want you to fall for anyone else." Emmett said sadly.
"But I need to,because I can't be with you."
"We are bigger than my one mistake...We are bigger."
"No no,You don't just get to sleep with someone else, and then pull the we're-meant-to-be card. Bay said half way between mad and sad.
"I didn't handle things right. I know that."
"Yeah." Bay's voice was rising again, and she began to get tearful. "I'd say sleeping with my brother's girlfriend, and my childhood enemy, while I was off talking to your parents about how to help you, is not handling things right!" She felt the tears run down her face.
"I am so sorry, Bay. I hope you know that."
"Yeah." She said still crying. "I do know. But you ripped the fabric apart. You can't just tape it back together with words."
"Then I will wait until I figure out how I can."
Bay didn't know what to say. She wanted to throw her arms around him, and kiss him, but she wasn't ready. She did the next best thing, got in her car, and drove away.
Lana swallowed. She missed Emmett suddenly. She had just seen him this morning, but the memories seemed to open a hole in her heart. A tear escaped her eye. Shane was a shield. She was afraid to let herself fully love Emmett, and her family. She was afraid they wouldn't want her back or that they were not going to be what she was looking for. Mostly she was afraid of memories like the one she just had.
She had to pull herself from the ground. She felt empty, and with fresh tears on her cheeks she made her way to the gas station. She filled up the can, and went back to the car. The memory wouldn't go away. She felt like she was going to die right there. This was it This was what Dr. Grace was talking about.
By her allowing herself to pretend she was in love with Shane so much that she had a hard time giving all her heart to Emmet. She was allowing herself to lie. Yes, she loved him. She would always have a place for Shane. But she didn't need him like she needed Emmett. She didn't love him the same way.
She had to tell him. She needed to tell him. She needs him to understand. So she contacted Kathryn who met her at the airport with John. She promised them she would make up for the lost time. She would work this week, and come back another time. She had to go. She needed to be able to tell Emmett she wants him. In order to do that she needed to be sure she could be without Shane.
Lana had to take a deep breath. She stood in front of Shane's house, and felt sick. She had hopped he went into work or wasn't home, but the lights were on.
Lana had contacted Lilly letting her know what was going on. From there Lilly told her that he was off tonight. So she found herself here looking at his house as if she were a stalker. She closed her eyes as she took another deep breath. She couldn't help, but to think what Emmett would do if he knew she was here. He would freak. She knew he would never have let her come alone, which is why she had to do it now while he was away. She needed to do this alone.
After a while she finally found her nerve. She went to the door quickly, and knocked three times before she lost it again. She heard foot steps inside, then the door swung open. Lana was about to smile until she took in who answered the door.
Her heart dropped, and anger boil in her gut. What the hell was Simone doing here? "Can I help you?" Simone asked as if she owned the place, and had been here forever.
"Where is Shane?" Lana asked pushing past Sinclair into the house. She never had to knock to come in before. She only did it now out of respect, because of the fight.
She didn't really listen for a response. She continued into the house. Shane walked out of the bathroom and stopped in his tracks when he saw Lana. What made things worse he looked as guilty as Emmett had in her memory. "Lana, what are you doing here?"
"I came to talk. But I see that you have clearly moved on." Lana said knowing that her jealousy was unfair. She had no claim on him, or at least she had not right to have a claim on him, but he was hers, and there was no way she was okay with him being with Sinclair!
Lana didn't realize she was crying until the tear fell off her chin. She wiped at her face. "Simone can we finish this tomorrow?" Shane asked giving her an apologetic look.
Simone shook her head in disbelief. "Sure. Whatever Bay wants right." She said before grabbing her bag, and Jacket.
"Simone come on. Don't be like that." Shane said fallowing her to the door. She slammed it in his face before he could say another word. He turned, and faced a pissed off Lana.
"Really? Her? You couldn't find a better person?" Lana said shaking with anger. "You know what. Fine ! Have her. I came to beg you to forgive me, but I am choosing to stay with Emmett. I planned on begging you not to leave me as a friend, because I need you, but I see that you have moved on." Lana went around him, and opened the door. She spun around to face him. "Did she happen to let slip that she is the one he cheated on me with?" The shocked look on his face answered that question. "Yeah you found a real keeper. At least Emmett was up front with me." She said then left slamming the door behind her.
"I can't believe he was with HER." Lana said pacing the length of Lilly's living room. "I have felt bad for days, and he has been fraternizing with the enemy. How could he do that?"
"Well...you said he didn't know. How could he know what he was doing was wrong." Lilly said unsure she should be saying it.
Lana faced her. For a second she was angry, then her face softened. "Your right. He couldn't have known. I just can't believe she was there. Why does she have to be with the men in my life? I mean I thought her dad was sick or something."
Lilly took Lana's hand, and pulled her down onto the sofa. "You really don't want her in KC either." Lilly said knowing Lana all to well.
"You're right I don't. She needs to go to Timbuktu or something really far away." Lana said leaning back into the sofa. Lilly settled herself as well.
"So you are going to be with Emmett. What does that mean for you? I mean what does that mean for here, Lana you." Lilly said trying to asked the question right. Lana knew to well what she meant.
"I don't know yet. I do not want to leave here. This is my home. I work here, and my best friend lives here." Lana smiled at Lilly.
"And Shane. And my mom." Lilly said.
"Yeah them too. But it's so far from him, and my family. I want to be with them. I want to know them." Lana rubbed her eyes. "I wish I could just move you guys, and my job to KC, and have the best of my two lives." Lana said.
Lilly laughed."Yeah because that would work so well. Emmett, and Shane would kill each other. But I would like to meet your family. They need my approval." Lilly said jokingly.
Lana glanced at the clock on the side table. It was already eleven at night. "Mind inf I crash here?" She asked already knowing the answer.
"Well duh." Lilly said. "The guest room is always ready to welcome you. Oh, and we can watch that movie I just bought before bed." Lilly said scrambling up. She left to get the movie. Lana had to smile. She loved Lilly to death.
Once morning came Lana left to go home. She had contacted the hospital, and they were going to put her on the schedule for this afternoon. She took the bus, and left a note for Lilly. She could have asked for a ride, but Lilly looked to comfortable to wake.
Lana paused at the door to her apartment. It stood ajar. Lana's felt her brows pull together with confusion. She opened the door the rest of the way, and her heart dropped. Her whole apartment was destroyed. Things were taken out of drawers. The sofa fabric was cut up, and it's pillows were scattered on the floor. Her clothes were thrown everywhere, and her dishes were shattered on the kitchen floor.
After calling the police Lana stood looking down at the ruin picture of the field, and mountains that Emmett took. She squat down to get a better look. The person not only broke the glass it was in, but ripped the picture as well. This was savable. She felt like a part of her was broken too. This was the first thing she ever put on her wall. the fist thing she bought for her home. She felt connected with it and spent many hours finding comfort in its presents. Feeling unsteady she looked over to the side table, and saw a black book sitting on it. She crossed the room, and picked the book up. It was Emmett's diary.
Lana examined it and was surprised that it seemed to be untouched. Well besides the fact that it was in the drawer of her bedside table. She felt confused. Someone came here, and threw everything onto the floor, but left this one thing on the table. Lana nodded slowly as she thought it through. She shook her head with the thought. Yes this did seem odd. Unless a certain someone was trying to leave a message, a certain someone Lana was sure she knew.
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