Kidnapped Ch. 20
'Leave me alone! Please, just leave me alone,' Kate cried, thrashing about. Sweat and tears mingled together into an indiscernible waterfall. "Stop it, please!"
Castle sat up immediately and switched on the lamp beside him. Kate was screaming, her eyes squeezed closed as she battled her demons in the land of sleep. Castle frowned; this was the fourth time that Kate had had another violent nightmare this week, and they seemed to be getting more and more frequent as time goes by.
'Kate, honey, wake up,' Castle called, holding her hands down, but that only made her struggle more. It was getting increasingly difficult to get her to wake up, and he was getting more and more worried.
'Don't touch me, don't touch me,' Kate whimpered, her voice tiny and broken. Castle's heart was heavy as he glazed down at his wife, feeling so completely useless as he watched her struggle. He tightened his grip on her hands, making sure that she would not hurt herself.
'Kate, it's me. It's Rick. I won't hurt you. Can you open those beautiful eyes of yours for me?' Castle called, raising his voice slightly so he could be heard over her shouts.
Slowly, her eyes flickered opened, and her breathing calmed slightly. Her eyes were still wide with fear, and haunted by reliving her kidnapping. Castle pulled her close to him and she laid her head onto his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist, her hands clutching him tightly with absolutely no sign of letting go.
After her breakdown at Johanna Beckett's office, they had taken the thick stack of scripts and headed home silently. The pregnancy was taking a toll on her, and after throwing up her entire meal yet again, she went to bed straight away as her eyes were already having trouble staying open.
She had looked relatively peaceful in the beginning, giving Castle a flicker of hope that she would actually be able to sleep through the night without a nightmare, but those hopes went down the drain as her first cries pierced through the quiet night.
'I was back in there again,' Kate murmured, so softly that Castle had to strain his ears in order to hear. 'I was just sitting there with a plate of food, and he came in again. He had a knife with him, and he was just coming closer and closer, and there was nowhere I could go. I can still see the knife now. It was just so shiny and silver…' Kate trailed off.
'Maybe you should talk to Dr. Burke again, Kate,' Castle told her, tilting her head up gently so that he was looking at her in the eye. Kate flinched at the name and pulled back.
'I'm not weak,' Kate defended herself. 'I don't need a psychologist.'
'Seeing Dr. Burke doesn't mean that you're weak, Kate. What did he tell you last time?' Castle asked, prodding softly.
'He said I'm pushing everyone away by not talking about what happened. I'm not,' Kate insisted, and Castle would have chuckled at the childlike declaration from her if not for the serious nature of their discussion.
'Have you actually told anyone about everything that happened in those days, Kate? ' Castle asked, and Kate wriggled out of his embrace.
'I'm dealing with it,' Kate told him, her voice laced with hurt. 'I'm not trying to push anyone away. I'm done with running, Rick. I've been done with running ever since I married you.'
'I never said you were running, Katie,' Castle told her, saying her name with affection. 'There are things that are just hard to talk about, and this is definitely one of them. It doesn't have to be me if you don't want to tell me yet. You just need to talk to someone. Maybe you can tell your dad, or Espo and Ryan. Anyone at all.'
'I thought you would make me talk about this,' Kate asked, a little confused.
'I know that when you are ready, you will tell me,' Castle answered plainly, with a tender smile.
'Well, I'm ready,' Kate told him, sitting up straight, and her voice determined. 'I'll tell you what happened, from the start to the end. Every moment of what I've gone through.'
'Kate, you don't have to force yourself,' Castle started, but she cut him off.
'I'm not forcing myself. With you, I know I'm ready,' Kate told him.
'I told Rick,' Kate started as she sat in Dr. Burke's office yet again.
'Why?' Dr. Burke asked, slight curiosity laced in his voice. It hadn't been that long since he had last seen Kate.
'I'm not running from him. I was ready,' Kate answered. At that answer, Dr. Burke gave one of his rare smiles.
'How do you feel now?' Dr. Burke inquired, and Kate stood up and stood by the balcony doors.
'I'm still scared. I can't quite relax completely. I can feel it in my gut that someone is going to kill me,' Kate admitted, her shoulders slumping.
'You know these things take time, Kate,' Dr. Burke reminded her. 'And you know the process will be painful and difficult, but you have someone beside you now, and he would be here for you the entire way. Are you ready?'
Kate stood there, contemplating. Images of her with cookie, Alexis and Castle floated through her mind. They were all smiling in the pictures, and Kate could see that she was completely at ease. If she was not willing to go through the long and hard healing process for herself, she would have to do it for Castle, for Alexis, and for cookie. For their future – together.
'Yes. Yes, I'm ready.'
She had thwarted him too many times, and it was starting to become more and more annoying. He knew that she would have to be taken care of, but time after time, she was always able to stay a step ahead of him the whole time.
He swore that he would only contact him as a last resort, but he was desperate now. The presidential campaign was only a few months away, and if the smallest detail of his past dealings were leaked out now, his reputation will be forever tarnished. Everything he had strived for in his lifetime would be wasted.
He was a man with everything to lose, and he would go down fighting to protect it.
Picking up a phone, he dialed a number that was forever seared into his memory, but had never seen the need to dial.
'Carter. It's Will from school. Remember the favor you owe me?' Bracken said into the phone. 'I need you to get rid of someone.'
'Katherine Beckett.'
A/N: I know that this chapter is both depressing, and cliffhanger-ish, but I'm having a really crappy week, and so is my roommate. We've both been crying quite a bit, so I'm kind of depressed and everything, so I hope that this isn't too dark or somber for you all.
As usual, PLEASE REVIEW. Criticisms are much appreciated, but no flamers please.
This is dedicated to Bianca tabbycat for being the most marvelous beta ever, and to my roommate, whose week is even crappier than mine. I hope that you feel better soon.
Zoe tabbycat