Faith

Chapter 19

(Ashe POV)

After a little walk I was finally back home in the warmth, staring into the amber liquid in front of me. I didn't even like Whisky, but it was all I had and today I felt like drinking just to forget it all for only a few hours. The kids were asleep and Tifa was still out.

What would have happened had you not died? Would we have a house? Kids maybe? Would he even have wanted kids? They never talked about. They had been too young.

And why did he have to die and leave her behind anyways? Why not leave this problem to someone else? Because they wouldn't have ever stopped hunting us? For a while I was proud of what you did for all of us. Now, I'm only angry for your selfishness. At least Cloud is having his little happy ending…

The pain you put your parents through, your friends, my parents and most of all…me.

Once again my fingers traced his necklace. Should I put it off? Would it make things easier for me? Everytime I look into the mirror, it reminds me of the day you gave it to me. Shortly before you died.

I gulped down the rest and reached for the bottle again. It was almost half empty. Or should I say only half full?

"Remember when we were in Nibelheim?" I recalled Cloud's words. I do…

"Hey Ashe, that old man seems to need some help. Mind checking on him?" Zack said pointing at a man sitting in front of a shack with ragged clothes. "Sure." I answered.

"Sir, are you alright?" Ashe asked, kneeling down in front of the man.

"Oh don't worry about me young lady, I'm just a man sitting here awaiting my death." He said, sounding like a man that had smoked all his life.

"Are you sure you don't need anything? I'm a…I'm a nurse too you know."

"No thank you."

"A pretty bird you have there." Zack said, kneeling down besides Ashe. Even kneeling Zack still seemed incredibly tall.

"Oh yes. They are very loyal. It's been with me for years now. Story goes once they choose someone to stay with, they will die along with his death."

Suddenly the man stared at Ashe, his eyes watery. "You ok?" Zack rushed to his side. Suddenly the man began shaking.

"Hold his head!" Ashe exclaimed and tried to prevent the man from hurting himself. After a few seconds it suddenly stopped and the man lay restless in Zack's muscular arms. In an instant he began whispering. "I see a bad future, I see grief and I see a happy end." Then the man went unconscious.

Finally I got up from my chair and headed for my bed, embracing the warmth inside me. It had been too long that I was alone in my bed. But as sleep wouldn't come I went for a walk in the nearby park. Just dragging myself around, desperately trying to keep my thoughts away from the man I loved. It was hard. I had known him through all my teenage years, which were as bumpy as they could possibly be, and now as a grown-up I was supposed to be on my own, without the assurance that there was someone to return to. Someone to love. Someone who would no matter what hug you just to make you feel better. How long has it been since someone close to me hugged me. I can't tell. Suddenly I saw a man in dark clothes with blonde hair. Had I not known that Cloud was in bed sleeping, I'd have said it was him. To my surprise it was my spiky haired blonde. Dammit, Cloud!

It felt strange to suddenly meet him here. "Hey what are you doing here?"

"I've been lying around for too long, I needed to move my feet." He replied, staring into the distance.

"Cloud, you should really rest." I replied, concerned. He had been through a lot. And my fear was that it wasn't over, not as long as he wanted to give Tifa the marriage and the life he felt she deserved. Why couldn't I have a man like that, a man that would do so much for me and not just die for the greater good.

Suddenly I heard a bird's wings and it soared past me, almost flew into me. "God dammit, you are supposed to fly in the air not down here!" I exclaimed, earning strange looks from people around me. Cloud chuckled but immediately gripped his side again. As I followed the bird's path, it almost seemed like it was the same bird. Which couldn't have been…not after all these years. Please, don't let it be real, I silently begged. Don't make my heart bleed more than it already does.

"Seen that bird?" he asked me, still not facing me. "It seems familiar."

I took a deep breath and finally it all came out. "Ok, know what Cloud, stop trying to be my therapist! You miss him just as much as I do. But stop, stop, trying to grasp at straws here. He is dead and you know it, hell you were there!"

Still he wouldn't face me. What was going on with him? Why was he suddenly so determined to find someone who we both knew was dead. Or was it fear of the upcoming marriage and the fact he didn't know how to afford it all? Please, Cloud, don't let it out on me.

"I found something in my old stuff. Zack's death certificate."

My heart skipped a few beats. Never ever had I seen it. Hell, I refused to see it. I didn't even have a body to bury…

"It doesn't apply with what I saw. Not even his height or anything is as it should be." He continued silently.

"As I said…"

"No Ashe!" he finally faced me, looking angry and sad. "These aren't his stats. It's Kunsel's."

"Cloud are you sure…"

"I am!"

"No I mean are you sure you are fine? Hell, you had severe blood loss, they could trick you into anything!"

"No Ashe… I checked with the old data. Plus the day Zack was supposed to have died is two days too late. I was there when he supposedly died!"

I couldn't believe what he was saying. Cloud, you are making things up. What is dead, is dead!

"Look at it!" he said handing me the file. I couldn't turn away from all the scars in his face. Cloud…

I took a look at it. I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew Zack's bloodtype as we both had the same and we were sort of ready to donate for each other. And the certificate was verified by a man I knew by name but not by face. And I damn sure knew that handwriting.

"Cloud…are you sure you want to stir it all up again?"
"Ashe… remember that man? Remember what he said back in Nibelheim? What if it is true, what if there is grief and then the happy ending? What is there to lose? All you can find is closure."

I let his thoughts sink in for a few minutes, staring at that certificate. Could it be? Could that man really have been right? Hell, how am I supposed to believe this? I always only believed in what I could feel, or see.

"I say we go grab Alaistair and drag him with us. He knew you wouldn't believe him." Cloud suggested.
"Are you nuts? My grandfather, for all he did to you you wants me to drag him with us all the way back to Nibelheim?"

"As I said, what is there to lose. He's probably dead soon. He's got cancer Ashe."

"Ok." I said, laughing. "He's so had you. " I ripped the paper apart. "This is a trap as I predicted."

"Remember the name Joseph Stein by any chance? He was the patient you were supposed to look at"

"Yeah so?"

"It was Alaistair Hawk."

"Cloud, you better get back to bed. It's getting cold here."

He came a few steps with me, then he suddenly stopped, withdrawing yet another sheet of paper.

"I got his tag." Cloud suddenly said.

Showing me the tag attached to the patients arm with Alaistair's name and the matching number on the paper, I suddenly dropped it. This couldn't be. Why can't I just live my life?

"I take it, he wants to make up for what he did all these years. Give him a chance, for he might have just granted you the chance of finding the person you love."

"Cloud, what ever they did to you, let's just stop it here."

"Ashe, you are just afraid!"

"Yes…" I said my lips shaking. "I am."

"Then why not try and find out. What else is there to do right now? Plus, he might save me and you at once. Let a man rest in peace."

"Ok, idiot, what's your plan?"

"Pick up Alaistair and head for Nibelheim, find that man and see where it takes us."

"Know what old man, if you die up there, I'm so not dragging you back here." Ashe said storming away. "This is ridiculous."

Zack if you are out there…give me a sign.

"Why are you even here with me Cloud? You got Tifa, the kids. Why bother with me?" I was blunt enough to ask.

It was silent until Cloud answered, "Because you always wanted me to confess my feelings for Tifa. And I did. So the least I can do is helping you accomplish your dream."

"Dream? It's rather….imagination I thought you wanted to be a father to Denzel and Marlene, why are you here then?" I had gotten pissed off about this stupid trip.

"Wouldn't a father want their children to know that you have to earn 'something'?".

That's when I started thinking. I didn't talk back. My father, was he like that? Was he like Cloud? Insecure yet loving a woman and doing all he could for his kids? Was that what it was like?

"Have some faith Ashe." Please don't let this be a mistake….