XX
While the moon comes out of the sea
On the morning of her third day at the Prince Estate, Hermione woke up with a broad and interminable smile on her face.
"What's got you so happy?" Ginny mumbled groggily, getting out of bed and shrugging some clothes on.
"I'll explain later," Hermione said, rushing away so that she could grab some breakfast before going to Snape's lab.
She was surprised to find Remus standing in the kitchen, making tea for Tonks and himself. Tonks was perched on the counter, her hair a light shade of purple this morning. Hermione felt a twinge of something strange at the sight of Remus and Tonks together, but she cast it aside when Remus smiled at her.
"Morning," he said, glancing up at her through his eyelashes as he faced the kettle, "tea?"
Hermione nodded, hoping that she hadn't blushed at the sudden onslaught of memories from last night that turned up in her mind.
"Wotcher, Hermione," Tonks said, sleep heavy in her voice. Hermione greeted Tonks, happy that her voice came out normally.
Remus soon handed her a mug of tea, grabbing some for himself and Tonks as well. Tonks left the room after that, winking at Hermione on her way out. Hermione furrowed her brow. It was almost like Tonks knew…
She cast this thought out of her mind, settling on Remus. "I'm going to see if Snape will let me get started. Do you want to come?"
He raised a brow at her. "You wake up fast. I'll be there in a few minutes, just let me clean up here before Molly throws a fit."
She made her way out of the kitchen, smiling the whole way upstairs to Professor Snape's rooms. The Potions Master had informed her after dinner the previous night that she should look for the room with the paint-chipped door, not his bedroom. She conceded that it would indeed be quite awkward if she was spotted by someone else – namely Draco or his mother, who had rooms in this wing – knocking on Snape's bedroom door.
She found the door he'd mentioned, and a moment later Snape, fully clothed in his usual excessively buttoned robes, let her in. "I have something to attend to for a moment," he said sternly, "you may look around, but don't get yourself killed."
"Wow, Professor," she chirped back with fake awe, "it almost sounds like you care."
He narrowed his eyes at her momentarily before sweeping out of the room.
Remus soon joined her, and together they began to go over everything she'd done so far, flipping through a journal she kept and discussing various aspects of the project. They were sitting closely together in front of one of the three cauldrons in the room when Snape entered again. "What is he doing here?" Snape asked, addressing Hermione.
"I asked Remus to help," she responded, as if the answer was obvious.
Snape grumbled something about Gryffindors overstaying their welcome before he proceeded to the cauldron furthest away from Remus and Hermione, attending to slowly simmering green colored potion. He continued working on his potion in silence for a long time while Remus and Hermione went over everything and then proceeded to pick up where she'd left off at Hogwarts – with the blood cross-referencing.
"I can't believe he let you draw his blood," Remus whispered, low enough so that only they could hear. Snape was currently chopping something loudly on the other side of the room.
She shrugged, "I think he's taken a liking to me. Despite it going against his principle of hating all Gryffindors, of course."
Remus cast Professor Snape a strange look, not saying anything more on the subject.
By the end of the day some significant progress had been made on Hermione's Wolfsbane project. In addition, another matter of importance was decided upon: Remus and Hermione were going to start using the greenhouse outside to grow some necessary ingredients. Snape didn't have everything Hermione needed, and if she kept using his stores he would run out very soon. Thus, they would need to start producing more ingredients in the greenhouse.
"I have to admit I'm impressed," Remus mumbled once they were out of Snape's lab.
"And why is that?" Hermione chimed, descending the staircase beside him. She wanted to rejoin the boys and Ginny in the drawing room for a little while before dinner.
He stopped, facing her in the middle of the staircase, a suddenly serious expression on his face. "I think you're really onto something with this research," he said, "before I wasn't sure, but after today… I think it might be possible."
A broad grin broke across her face. She didn't know how much she'd wanted Remus' faith in this before, but she recognized it now as the sudden feeling of validation that rose up in her chest. Later she would be frightened by how much she had come to rely on Remus' feelings, but for now she was only happy.
"Oi, you two! Break it up!"
Sirius' voice from the bottom of the stairs made them both jump apart. The Animagus let out a loud bark of laughter. Hermione realized that she and Remus had been frozen in the middle of the staircase, staring at each other happily.
Together, Hermione and Remus descended the rest of the stairs. Hermione ignored a smug look from Sirius. The man could really be irritating sometimes.
Still, better Sirius found us than someone else, she thought, imagining the look they'd have gotten if it were Harry or Ron standing at the bottom of the staircase.
"I'm going to go to the drawing room," Hermione said, uselessly pointing down the hallway.
Remus nodded, but before he could say anything Sirius was speaking. "You go right ahead and spend some time with your friends, Hermione. Moony and I have some talking to do." Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulders, leading him away.
"Padfoot…" Remus murmured warningly.
Sirius just chuckled, pulling him to the library. Hermione set off for the drawing room, wondering not for the first time what Sirius and Remus had been like when they were teenagers.
The moon had risen just above the line of the horizon, hanging low and bright in the sky. Hermione was lying on her side, staring out the window of her shared bedroom with Ginny and trying to decide what she was going to do.
She and Remus hadn't made any plans to meet each other again. She wondered if he didn't want to see her tonight. It would make sense; he was certainly entitled to want some time alone after they'd spent nearly the past twenty-four hours together. Maybe he wanted space. There was also another possibility that made Hermione's stomach turn with queasiness: maybe he just didn't want her anymore.
As Hermione lay there in her bed, staring out the window, she could imagine Remus' thoughts more clearly than anything in her mind. Maybe he realized that he didn't like her all that much after spending one evening snogging in the library. Maybe she was bad at snogging. Maybe he realized that she was annoying and naïve and too young for him.
No.
He'd looked at her so many times today with fondness in his eyes. He wanted her, he must have. It was possible that he hadn't asked her to meet him again simply because he wanted her to instigate their meeting next time, or perhaps there hadn't been a good opportunity to approach her.
Hermione realized right then and there that she wouldn't sleep tonight unless she found out. She got out of bed quietly, checking to make sure Ginny was asleep before creeping outside their room and downstairs toward where she knew Remus' bedroom to be.
His door was cracked open, and she was glad that she didn't have to knock and risk waking up Sirius or Tonks. She eased the door open, whispering a quiet "Remus?" to alert him to her presence.
He was sitting at an old desk, watching the opening door with a hint of a smile on his face. There was a piece of parchment in front of him and a quill in his hand. Hermione hadn't considered the possibility that maybe he'd not asked to see each other because he had to get work done.
"Oh," she murmured, "I can leave if you're busy."
"No," he shook his head, smiling in a way that made her heart flutter, "come in."
She stepped further into the room, shutting the door behind her with a loud click. When she turned back to look at him he was leaning against the desk with his elbow, head propped up on his hand. "I'm glad you came," he said.
She stood still by the doorway. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me tonight." Her voice was surprisingly steady.
"Mmm," he hummed, setting down his quill and turning in his chair so that he faced her more, "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me either."
"Really?" she smiled, "well I definitely wanted to see you."
"I wanted to see you too." His words made her feel the same bubble of nervous excitement rise in her. She was alone with Remus in his bedroom.
Her eyes fell on the parchment in front of him. "What were you working on?"
He wrinkled his nose, looking down at the parchment. "Albus asked Tonks, Sirius, Severus, and I to start thinking of methods of dueling that we could teach you and the others. He wants Harry to be better prepared for situations that require advanced dueling. It would never hurt if you and the others got some practice in too."
"That sounds like a great idea," she exclaimed, walking closer and skimming over the list. There were several spells and techniques that she'd never heard of.
"I'm glad you think so." She felt his arm come out to wrap around her waist loosely. In his seated position, his head barely came up to the middle of her chest.
Hermione pointed out a few terms on the paper, allowing him to explain them briefly. By the end of the list she was worrying her lower lip between her teeth, a slight frown on her face.
"What's wrong?"
She met Remus' gaze, furrowing her brow. "It's just," she paused, taking a deep breath, "I'd almost forgotten how pertinent this war is. It's not like I could ever forget about the war and what it- what it's done to me. But…"
"It just left your mind for a little while," he spoke up, an earnest and caring look in his eyes, "and you feel guilty."
She nodded, mutely.
"I forgot about it too," he conceded, tightening his grip around her waist, "but it's okay, Hermione. As long as we do things like this," he pointed on the list before them, "and keep up at the Order meetings we're still working towards ending the war."
"We might die."
She didn't know why she'd decided to voice those words, but now they were there; floating out in the air between Remus and herself, making her throat feel constricted and tight.
"Yes," he affirmed simply, standing up from his seat beside her. Suddenly, his other arm was coming to wrap around her shoulders, and she was being pulled into a warm, tight embrace. The calmness shared between them crested into a great wave, washing over Hermione and leaving her with the thought in her mind that she could stay here with him forever. She gripped his shoulders with her arms, trying to pull him closer and let him know what this meant to her.
"It'll be okay, Hermione," he muttered into her wild mass of hair at the nape of her neck. "We've just got to keep working hard and thinking about what we can do to survive. Okay?"
She nodded against his chest, taking deep breaths, inhaling his scent.
It was only another moment more before he was dropping his arms and stepping back. He looked towards his bed with an expression of uncomfortable anxiety.
"We can just sit," Hermione suggested, looking at his bed.
He nodded, and together they sat, side by side, on the edge of his bed. Soon, however, Hermione found it uncomfortable sitting on the edge, and she scooted backwards, leaning against the headboard and patting the place beside her. Remus followed until they were sitting side-by-side, legs stretched out in front of them.
"How do you think everyone's doing here?" he asked conversationally.
She assumed that he meant Harry, Ron, and Ginny and how they were dealing with being at the Estate. "They're alright. I know none of them like Professor Snape being here… or Draco. They are warming up to him a little, but I don't think that will ever be a comfortable relationship."
Remus nodded in contemplation.
"Ron wants to play Quidditch out in the gardens. He asked me to ask Professor Snape if they can."
"I doubt Severus would ever say yes to that," Remus scoffed.
"I don't think I even want him to say yes," she admitted, "Quidditch can be rather dangerous. Not to mention the rows it always causes."
A nostalgic look crossed Remus' face. When she asked him what he was thinking about he began to tell her a story about the summer between his sixth and seventh year at Hogwarts. "James and Sirius developed a colossal Quidditch rivalry after the position for team captain was left open. The whole summer they were practicing together at James' house, trying to pull Peter and myself into it as well, have us judge who was better so one of them could become captain when school started again."
"Which of them became captain?" she turned her head, leaning back at the headboard as she watched him.
He laughed. "Neither. Another boy in our year got it. James and Sirius still didn't talk to each other for weeks."
Hermione chuckled, leaning her head against his shoulder as they fell into a comfortable silence. She tried not to think about the fact that this was Remus' bed and she was lying on top of it with him, but the idea kept coming up.
Eventually he began to pull her towards him more, wrapping one hand around her waist. Hermione rested her head on his chest, allowing one of his hands to tangle in her loose, curly hair. She could feel her own body's rigidity, and she knew that he could feel it too.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his tone almost ashamed. "Do you want me to stop?"
She shook her head, enjoying the feeling of his fingers working their way through her hair. "Sorry," she finally exhaled, pressing her face against his chest, "it's just- you make me nervous." She could feel the rise and fall of his abdomen; hear his heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt.
A rumbling laugh started deep within his chest. "You make me nervous too," he admitted, and there was something in his voice that made her grow a hundred times fonder of him.
"Really?" She murmured, picking up her head and meeting his gaze.
He nodded, his lips curving up in the faintest hint of a smile. "Of course. You- you're amazing, Hermione." His hand continued running through her hair, "I don't see why you wouldn't make any man in his right mind a little nervous."
She kissed him, pressing her lips hard against his and winding her arms around his shoulders and neck. He responded instantly, molding his mouth against hers and placing his hands on her hips. Hesitantly, as if asking for permission, he pulled her hips so she was straddling him again, just like last night. She let out a small laugh.
"What's so funny?" he asked between kisses, slanting his lips away from her mouth, down to her jaw and neck. If Hermione had been laughing before, she wasn't now. The feeling of his lips and tongue ghosting over her pulse point and the ridge of her jaw was enough to have her gasping.
"You seem to like this position," she mumbled, answering his question.
"Mmm," he hummed against her skin, "that's because I do like it."
Hermione chuckled. Her laughter turned into a soft moan a second later when Remus nipped on the skin just below her ear. He pulled away just a moment later, grinning wryly.
"My turn," Hermione piped up, proceeding to pepper kisses down from the corner of his mouth to his neck and collarbone. One of his hands began to rub up and down her back, his head falling against the headboard with a quiet, relaxed sigh. For a moment, as Hermione worked languid open-mouthed kisses over his prickly jaw, he looked as if he could have been asleep. The only indication of his consciousness was the way he would tighten his grip on her waist every time she dared swipe her tongue across his skin. Otherwise, he looked to be the picture of relaxation and ease.
Her hands found their way to the hem of his shirt, flitting under the fabric and lightly tapping against the warm skin beneath it. When her hands gripped the shirt and started to hesitantly pull upwards, Remus' eyes jerked open.
In that split second he looked almost… panicked. Hermione stopped, but he quickly shook his head, mastering his expression and nodding for her to continue removing his shirt.
After that odd moment, she did continue, leaning in to place a few long, drawn out kisses on his neck and mouth as she lifted his shirt. When it was just above his chest, she pulled away. Remus lifted his arms, allowing her to completely remove it. She could feel his anxiety in the way he quickly kissed her after the shirt was discarded to the floor. The kiss was filled with a vulnerable sort of desire, and she was a bit confused by it.
She understood when she finally tore her eyes away from his face and down to his body. Despite sharing many full moons with Remus, Hermione had never taken the time or the effort to look at his body. It had been a respectful, silent agreement between them, but now things were different.
He had a lean, wiry form. His height and the fact that he'd never been able to gain more than a few pounds of weight contributed to this build.
But the thing that stood out about his body was the scattering of spider web scars. Hermione swallowed dryly at the sight of the age-old wounds. This was why he'd looked panicked. This was why his expression now was one of shameful self-pity.
Hermione shifted forward in his lap, wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself tightly against his chest. "You have no reason to be ashamed of this in front of me, Remus."
He inhaled, his whole body and hers rising with the movement, and then exhaled slowly, bringing them back down. "I'm old, Hermione," he rasped out, "old and ugly and scarred. You deserve someone whole."
She scoffed, picking up her head and looking directly into his beautiful green eyes. "Haven't we gone over this already? I want you because you're the only person who can understand who I am now. I don't care about this," she gestured vaguely at his chest, "and I have my scars too. After everything I've gone through, do you think I care about how you look?"
His mouth turned up into a solemn half-smile. Hermione traced one finger along a few of the more prominent scars on his chest. "Are they from when you were younger?" she found herself asking.
He nodded. "Most of them are from before I had the Wolfsbane."
He'd lived through not having the Wolfsbane potion for years before even knowing what it was like to control his mind. Hermione felt a terrible swell of guilt. Here she was, thinking that her transformations were bad. She'd never once experienced a full moon without the potion!
"Don't look so upset," said Remus. His hand had found her face, cupping her cheek and pulling her towards him. This kiss was sweet and candid.
When the kiss ended Hermione continued her inspection of his chest. Her fingers traced scar after scar, skimming down towards his lower stomach and back up to his collarbone. He watched her the whole time, his eyes following her just like he'd done so many other times as a wolf on the full moon. She finished her ministrations with a soft kiss planted on a thick white scar on his collarbone.
When she pulled back his hands were at the hem of her own shirt. She smiled, allowing him to pull it upwards just as she'd done to him. His hands were warm as they brushed against the skin of her stomach and sides. Once her shirt was dropped on the ground beside his bed, she brought her hands away from his chest, reaching around to unclasp her bra. That fell to the floor as well. Hermione felt a very strong urge to cover herself with her arms, but she resisted; there was a point she needed to prove to Remus.
His eyes roved over her body. She could feel the blush blooming on her chest and neck. His eyes grew darker with something she could only – quite giddily – describe as lust. It made a warm swirl of desire and tension bloom in her gut.
His eyes stopped suddenly when they found her shoulder. There, just under where her bra strap would go was the beginning of a long white scar that stretched down over her back for several inches. He swallowed visibly, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Turn around," he intoned, voice breaking just the tiniest bit.
Hermione didn't want that awful look in his eyes to get worse, but she turned around anyway. Slowly, she scooted off his lap, turning and sitting straight up on the bed, her back facing him.
He could now fully see the extent of the scar he'd left behind. Hermione felt a sickening ache in her chest as she imagined his expression. The desire that had been rising within her only moments before was now long forgotten to this terrible sadness that radiated off of him.
It was am achingly long pause before he did anything. She felt the bed beneath her shift ever so slightly, and then the warm sensation of his fingertips as they brushed her hair off to the other side, over her shoulder. Then, the same hand pressed flat against her shoulder blade. That was where the worst of the scar was. Hermione sat there, breathing slowly, waiting for him to move his hand away or do something else.
At last, his hand lifted from her back, but Hermione was truly surprised to find that his mouth had replaced it. She shivered but soon found herself leaning back into him. The first kiss was placed just between her neck and her shoulder, and then the next closer to where the scar began, and the third where she knew the tip of the scar was located. He continued on, kissing lightly along that small strip of raised scar tissue, his movements reverent and apologetic.
Her eyelids were drooping. Remus was taking his time. It wasn't that she minded this, but she had anticipated things to go a lot differently tonight. For one thing, she'd wanted both of them to get completely naked. Now, though, it didn't feel right. Remus was sad and he needed time to deal with the physical evidence of what he'd done to her so many months ago. She would give him all the time he needed.
"You're tired," he observed, feeling her languor.
She nodded. "I haven't been sleeping much lately." Remus was partly to blame for that fact, of course.
He sighed, his breath ghosting across the skin of her shoulder and neck. "Let's go to sleep," he said at last.
Hermione turned around so she could face him, crossing her arms over her chest and suddenly feeling uncomfortable with her half-dressed state. Remus noticed, reaching for her discarded t-shirt and handing it to her. She slipped it on.
They sat on Remus' bed for a long moment, looking at each other in silence, each contemplating their own thoughts. Hermione wasn't sure if he wanted her to leave and go back to her rooms. She certainly didn't want that. A hazy memory came back to her of the night Ginny was attacked by Lucius Malfoy. After she'd explained the whole story of her Lycanthropy to everyone Remus had let her stay with him, lying together on the couch. It had been the best night in months.
"Can I stay here?" she asked, her voice sounding more tentative than she would like it to, "Just to sleep for a little while. I'll go back to my room before anyone wakes up."
His pensive expression turned into something happier. "Of course you can."
Remus proceeded to pull back the duvet and sheets of the bed, allowing Hermione to slip under them before getting in himself. She smiled when she felt his body move closer to her, his arms coming to wrap around her waist. "Is- is this okay?" he asked, hesitation heavy in his tone.
Hermione nodded hastily, humming her silent approval. Remus bloody Lupin was spooning her! She felt his chest pressed against her back, the weight of his arm hanging over her waist. She couldn't wait to tell Ginny about this.
After a few seconds of lying there, trying to settle down her loud, rambunctious thoughts, she felt the softest kiss pressed against her shoulder. It was the opposite shoulder to the one he'd been paying attention to before – this one had no scar. His lips pressed against her skin briefly before pulling away. "Goodnight," he whispered, before the lights in the bedroom went out and he fell silent.
Author's Note: My excuse for not posting this chapter several days ago is that boys suck, at least in my life right now. I've recently learned that guys can be pretty big assholes sometimes. It's hard to be super romantic and finish a chapter like this when I'm so mad at the male gender. Anyways, I'm over it, and I've decided that for the rest of this story I'm going to try to get an update out every six or seven days. Sound good?
If you guys are looking for some other Remus/Hermione to read between my updates, you should check out Get Busy Living by bluecurls (Sirius/Hermione/Remus) or The Subtle War by lagenerale (marriage law). They're both such good reads.