A/N: Takes place between Season 3 and Season 4. We find out a little more about how Alex is feeling. Thanks for the reviews.

BETWEEN THE SCENES: GETTING CONTROL

Alex arrived home on a summer Friday afternoon. It had been a long day and even longer week. She was getting tired of the bullshit in the DA's office. She didn't agree with decisions made by the Lewin administration, but Liz had made it crystal clear that she was not to fight every battle before her.

Ever since Katie, their victim with Down Syndrome, Liz had kept Alex under what felt like a microscope. Alex hated being micro-managed and feeling like she wasn't in control. She had spent the past several weeks trying to gain control over her life: at work, at home, and especially with Olivia, who always seemed to want to protect her like she was helpless.

Yes, there had been trouble in paradise for a while now. Nothing major, but they had been bickering more than normal, usually over stupid stuff. It was even happening at work. It wasn't abnormal for them to argue at work, but Alex subconsciously knew she had been bitchier than normal with SVU, and Olivia in particular. The day she overheard Elliot make a joke about being glad he "wasn't the only one with a nagging wife," she hit the roof and yelled at both him and Olivia in the middle of the squad room. She went to her apartment that evening and refused to take any of Olivia's calls until the next day.

They still hadn't found an apartment to move into. Nothing seemed right for Alex. It was either too big, too small, or too far away from work. She even rejected one because she didn't like the stove, which Olivia pointed out was ridiculous with as little cooking as they did. For the most part, though, Olivia went along with it. She kept searching for the perfect apartment, anything to make Alex happy. Which, truthfully, only upset Alex even more because she didn't want Olivia walking on eggshells around her.

"Hey, babe," Olivia said when she saw Alex come through the door. "Dinner will be ready soon."

Olivia had gotten off work before Alex and promised to cook dinner for them. She had been doing that a lot lately.

"Thanks," Alex said, sitting her bag down and walking toward the bedroom to change before coming back to the kitchen.

She wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and placed a kiss on the back of her neck while Olivia was finishing up at the stove.

"I missed you today," Olivia said. "How was your day?"

"You know," Alex said. "Same old stuff, different day."

Olivia didn't really know, as Alex hadn't talked much about work lately, except for the cases they were working on together. She knew it wouldn't do any good to ask, though.

"If you want to get some plates out, the salmon is ready to come out of the oven," Olivia said instead.

Dinner was as it had been for the past several weeks, quiet for the most part, aside from some small talk. Alex didn't want to go apartment hunting this weekend, and Olivia was grateful for that. She had been trying hard to find something, anything, that met Alex's standards, but no matter what, she couldn't make the blonde happy. She was growing frustrated, but doing her best to be understanding. Besides, she had something to talk to Alex about, and she wasn't sure how Alex was going to feel about it.

"I was hoping I could talk to you about something tonight," Olivia said after they had finished dinner and cleaned up the dishes.

Alex sighed. She figured Olivia was finally going to call her out on her crap for the past few weeks. She was hoping for it, actually, because after this week, she was more than ready to battle with anyone.

"What's up?" Alex asked.

"Cragen talked to me today about an undercover operation," Olivia said. "It's my decision, but I wanted to discuss it with you first."

"What undercover operation? This is the first I'm hearing about it," Alex said, her voice defensive.

"It's for Narcotics and Vice, not SVU," Olivia explained.

"Why do they want you?" Alex asked.

"I have experience doing UC, they're short on women officers, and I fit the description of what they need," Olivia said.

"So it's just a night or two of undercover?" Alex said.

"Actually, no," Olivia said. "It would be a month, maybe six weeks."

"What?!" Alex said. "What kind of operation?"

"Well, they believe there is a drug dealer that is using their drugs, laced with god knows what, to pulled women into prostitution, hence the narcotics and vice," Olivia said. "I would go in as Donna, a pill-addicted mom who lost custody of her kid, and will spend the month building up trust, and meeting the players. Narcos already has a UC in there who will introduce me."

"So you're the bait?" Alex said.

"No, I'm a buyer," Olivia said.

"Yeah, until they want to turn you into a prostitute," Alex said. She got up from the couch and began pacing around the apartment.

"That's kind of the point," Olivia said. "These are bad guys, and they want them on every possible charge to get them off the streets for good. It's not like I haven't done UC stuff before, even for SVU."

"Yeah, but at least you know who your team is and if you can trust them," Alex said.

"I trust these guys," Olivia said. "Cragen and Fin have both worked with them before, and you know Cragen wouldn't have suggested it if he thought there was a danger to me."

"No," Alex said.

"What do you mean, no?" Olivia said.

"I mean, no," Alex said. "I don't want you doing it."

"Alex, this is my job, you know that," Olivia said.

"No, SVU is your job," Alex said. "And you said Cragen told you that you could say no. So, say no."

"Alex, where is this coming from?" Olivia said.

"I don't know, maybe I don't want a dead girlfriend," Alex said, rolling her eyes. She finally sat back down in a chair.

"That's not going to happen," Olivia said.

"You don't know that," Alex said.

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia said. "I don't know that, but I do know I'm just as likely to get killed chasing a perp any day of the week. In fact, at least here, I know someone will be watching me, and I have a full team of backup."

"It seems you've already made up your mind," Alex said. "Why did you even bother talking to me about it?"

"Because I was hoping we could discuss it rather than you just saying no," Olivia said. "You know this is part of the job. I've done it before. Elliot does it. Kathy doesn't like it, but she doesn't tell him no."

"As if it would do any good," Alex said.

"I just thought you, of all people, would understand," Olivia said. "I mean, I've dated people before who didn't understand my job; who I couldn't talk to about it."

Alex looked away and let out a breath. "Fine, do it," she said. "How will it work?"

Olivia sighed. She didn't like the 'fine' response, but she figured it was the best she was going to get.

"I'll have to stay at a motel for the next month," she said. "I'll be able to check in with Elliot each day and the UC already in will be next door, adjourning rooms."

"Will I even be able to see you or talk to you?" Alex said.

"That was one of the things I insisted on," Olivia said. "That during the month, I needed at least part of the weekends off where I could see you, or well, my partner, as I told them. So, they agreed to Sunday afternoons."

"I really don't like this, Liv," Alex said. "And I really don't want you to do it."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "But I have to. And this is something that, if we're going to be together, we're going to have to learn how to deal with."

"If we're going to be together?" Alex said. "What the hell does that mean? If?"

"Alex, I just mean, dammit, you know what I mean," Olivia said. "I'm tired of explaining myself and walking on eggshells around you."

"Well, maybe you should stop treating me like I'm helpless," Alex said. "I'm not one of your victims."

"I have never treated you like a victim," Olivia said. "Good grief, you're one of the strongest people I know."

"Well, maybe I'm just tired of everyone else making decisions about my life and not consulting me," Alex said. "I'm a big girl. I don't need a protector or anyone treating me with kid gloves."

"Woah, Alex," Olivia said. "I'm sorry if you think I've been doing that. I know you've been under pressure at work, so I've just been trying to be understanding. Is something else going on? Is Liz still giving you a hard time because of me? Is this why you've been dragging feet on getting an apartment?"

"This isn't about Liz, and it's not about the damn apartment," Alex said. "But you know what, maybe Liz was right. Maybe you do have too much influence over me. Maybe you are both right, maybe I should start putting my career first. You're obviously doing that."

Olivia put her hands on her face. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been nothing but understanding to Alex, despite the fact that she had been a borderline bitch for weeks.

"It's my job!"

"I'm going to bed," Alex said.

Olivia stood there in silence, shocked that Alex was walking away from her right now.

"Are you coming?" Alex said when she realized Olivia hadn't moved.

"No, I think I"ll go home tonight," Olivia said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm busy," Alex said, flatly.

"Alex, I have to move into the motel on Sunday," Olivia said. "It's my last chance to see you for at least a week."

Alex shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry," she said. "Like I said, I'm busy. All day."

Olivia sighed and walked to the door.

"Okay," she said. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too."