6-2 POV Cas
They don't realize just how moronic they are – none of them, and it bothers me more than it should. The look on their faces, though! You'd think they were just getting up to sing karaoke at some pub; that they were just partying and taking drinks on any night of the week. Those two are throwing their lives away- well, not really. I know it won't work. It can't. I see them on the sidelines, hovering around that blue circle as I step in. I'm allowed to-it's my right to do this. The scrap of paper is folded in my hand, my name scrawled on it as neatly as I could manage. I drop it in and the crowd erupts in applause. I can be there their champion- I will be their champion.
And then the twins get up. Right in front of everyone they lock arms and throw back some potion they probably prepared wrong. They're too young- it's just by a couple of months, sure, but technicalities don't matter here. I see little Granger chastising them from the sidelines and I'm inclined to morph and rip her throat out right here. I'm distracted when the blue age line, drawn by Dumbledore himself, turns red and throws the boys back out. They fly back and slide a couple of meters. Everyone gasps and we all stare, but the two sit up. They're fine…actually, strike that. They've fucked up. They've really fucked up.
I rush over and so does Jo, and we're cradling two little old men in our arms, little old men who are supposed to be our boys, our twins. This will take some serious magical work to fix. I'm holding Fred and he makes as if to stand, but I force him down- his frail bones can't compete with me now. They both grew so much over the summer- when I first saw them I refused to believe it, but they're both young men now, no longer boys. Bloody fools still, obviously.
And so it's my lot to take them to the infirmary while the students from our guest schools take their turns to enter the competition. One of them's a famous Quidditch player- Miles used to talk about him sometimes. The twins and their little brother are almost obsessed. A local celebrity, people say. He looks tough enough- I get a glimpse as he throws his name in the Goblet. Doesn't matter. No matter who else gets thrown into the pit, I'll be the victor. I have to be.
Madam Pomfrey is no longer phased when the twins or Jo show up. I'm not quite as well acquainted with her, but that's irrelevant. She says it'll take the night to fix the boys. Figures. Jo scampers off and I stay with the boys. She comes back with a bunch of our friends and we all figure hanging in the infirmary is as good as anywhere else. We start talking about the Tournament and classes and our newest Professor- Lupin's gone and his replacement looks like a psycho- Mad-Eye Moody, they call him. It's an appropriate description. I'm curious to see how he'll run his classes, and for awhile I'm having fun imagining what kind of stuff we'll be learning, when the conversation shifts back to Lupin. Rumors are going around as to why he left- he was everyone's favorite. At first people figured he got a better offer, but there's this one thing that's getting whispered around. Jo stiffens when someone brings it up: werewolf. The twins' little brother told us he saw it himself; Jo refused to believe it. She's terrified of werewolves and loved Lupin more than any other professor ever; therefore, it couldn't be true. I wasn't so sure…the way he disappeared once a month, the mysterious potions Snape had me making…it wasn't the strangest conclusion to draw.
People start talking shit about Lupin and werewolves and the other schools- our gathering turns into a pretty intense hate session, and I'm fed up. Luckily Pomfrey comes and tells everyone visiting hours are over. Most people bail immediately, leaving me and twins, which is when I realize Jo is missing. I'm about to voice my concern when I see it- see her- it? I see a ferret, hiding under the covers of George's bed. I feel my eyes bulge, and I nearly lunge to get her, but George sees me and makes a face. I can't believe them. I shake my head and leave without a word. There are no words.
With that I'm over my limit and need some release. I no longer have the Map thanks to the bleeding hearts of the twins, but it doesn't much matter- I memorized early on anyway. I make my way to a particular passage that leads to the Shrieking Shack. This is my place now- I'm one of the voices people claim to hear. I change as soon as I get into the passage and then I'm running and running and running. I get there and bound up to the roof without hesitation. Once I jump through a hole in the roof I sit myself down and scream- well, howl. I howl and howl and scream all my anger and frustration away. I scream away my regret at not taking Miles's offer; my regret of actually putting my name in that damn cup; my regret of turning myself into this…monster. I spend the night voicing my grievances at the moon and only get back to the castle with moments to spare before I have class.
Diggory? Diggory. Cedric fucking Diggory. This isn't how it was supposed to work- I was supposed to be the champion. Me. I feel myself flush and tears are stinging in my eyes- fuck it! This was going to change things- this was supposed to be my chance to show people how powerful I am, not just Miles. Everyone was supposed to see. I turn to go; I need another night at the Shack. No one goes to stop me- they're all entranced by the proceedings. Good. I don't want to be stopped.
Yet stopped I am. There's a collective gasp as the Goblet erupts a fourth time. Fourth? That's not supposed to happen- there are three champions only, that's the rule. Dumbledore's voice rings out strangely calm in this bizarre situation: "Harry Potter".
Well that's just fucking perfect. Diggory and Potter- two Quidditch boys, figures. I don't turn back, just keep moving forward. Get to the Shack, I tell myself. My skin is itching- it feels too tight. I need to change. I need to be bigger than this- I need to be more powerful. I need to be something people fear. Something they respect. I need to chase something. I run and run and run and instead of going to the secret passage I just run out the first exit I see. I'm cutting across the grounds as fast as my legs can carry me, and when that's not enough and I think I'm far enough I change. I go straight into the Dark Forest and run until I'm tired. I stop to breathe, hearing myself panting and feeling my tongue lagging out of my mouth. Then I hear it- twigs breaking, and without a second thought I start moving towards it, slowly. I sniff the air and smell…something. I hear a heartbeat. I want it. I want whatever it is. I stalk it and I realize it's a rabbit, and I feel in my bones that I need to kill it. It's what wolves do.
That's when I hear a whoosh, and the heartbeat disappears. No! I run towards the smell of blood as it grows stronger, and see the tiny thing dead and bleeding, with an arrow stuck in its eye. I realize I'm not alone and I try to find out who else is here. I make out heartbeats, I hear breathing; I just don't recognize the smell. That's when they come into view. Centaurs.
One looks at me, and I consider running. Then I consider attacking. I'm so confused and torn internally, so I do nothing but hold eye contact.
"Girl," the one says, "what have you done? I recognize you, though you've grown. Show us your face, witch." Something in his voice; the authority of it, makes me obey. I stand before them as a human.
"I know you, witch. You're friends are the rowdy ones. I haven't forgotten." Shit. It was a lifetime ago, but he's right- Jo and the twins, they basically attacked a group of centaurs in the woods, damn…was it first year? How could he recognize me?
"You're lost," he tells me. I shake my head defiantly, finding my voice.
"I know where I am. I'm not a child, I'm not lost."
"Oh, witch, you misinterpret. I can see you: you are lost. You don't even know you're true form anymore. The change is hurting your soul." I stare at him. How? What the hell does he mean? I'm not lost, and I certainly know my true form.
He comes closer, looking down at me sternly. In his eyes I see wisdom and power and the coldness of nature, and I envy him. Look at the control he has over me- telling me to change. Why the hell did I do it? I start willing the change again, and feel my fangs coming in when he raises his hand.
"No, witch. You disrespect me and yourself with such behavior. Have some control. Talk to me like the person you are." I stop, and the fangs retract. I feel that same stinging behind my eyes, but I don't understand why this time. I bite my lip, not knowing what to say to him. I look at my feet in a sort of shame. The centaurs are talking amongst themselves, and the leaser raises his hand again, silencing them. They were talking about me.
"Hunt with us. Let us show you the truth of nature. It will help you gain clarity. Go on, changeling, take your second body." Again, I acquiesce without a thought. He nods, and the centaurs turn. I take a place in the back of the pack. We track and run and we hunt. I kill that night. I take life between my maw and I snuff it out. I taste blood and I smell fear. I am in total control, under the guidance of the centaurs. I don't remember returning to the castle, or even turning back into my human form, yet I wake up the next morning in my bed, with a tiny smear of blood on the corner of my lip as the only proof the previous night had been real.