A/N: So umm yeah. I don't really have anything to say because it hasn't been forever since I last updated =)
Disclaimer: After season 6 you can forget about it! I do however own Jordana and Beth and I think they make a cute couple =)
They say when you find your one true love you know. Your heart swells every time you see her, when she kisses you it feels like fire-works, and when you think about your future she's part of it. Right now my heart hurts. My heart has been hurting since September, since that awful day Beth broke up with me. I've been able to put a band-aid on my broken heart, hoping the band-aid would heal it. Unfortunately all the band-aid did was cover the injury, not heal it.
I've been home for about a month and I haven't really left the house; let alone my bed, that much. I find no reason to leave my little depressing bubble. I don't have a job, I don't have a girlfriend, and I really only talk to two people in this city and one of them lives with me. I did leave the house a couple of weeks ago on my birthday. Alex and Ellie took me to a bar and once again I tried to drink my sorrows away. Alex said that was absolutely the last time I was allowed to ever get drunk.
I'm lying down in my bed right now, staring up at the ceiling, strumming random chords on my guitar and letting tears run down my face. I don't even exactly know why I'm crying but I know I need to. Someone has just entered my room but I'm not taking my eyes off the ceiling.
"This has to be the most depressing thing I've ever seen," Alex says.
"You have your own room, get out of mine," I tell her, not even trying to hide my tears.
Alex walks over and sits on the edge of my bed. I swear I just told her to get out of my room.
"I believe I told you to get out, not sit on my bed," I tell her.
Alex takes my guitar out of my hands and places it gently on the floor. "You can't waste your whole summer in your room," she says in a concerned voice.
I close my eyes. "Yes I can."
Alex places her hand on my shoulder. "Jordan, if you love her then go talk to her."
More tears are falling down my face as I open my eyes. "She broke my heart so I wouldn't break hers. She made it very clear in Miami and Dallas that she no longer loves me. I've already tried talking to her and she just shoots me down and runs away."
Alex sighs. "Then stop letting her run away and run after her," Alex tells me.
I take Alex's hand off my shoulder and roll on my side so my back is facing her.
"Ya know, both Paige and I chose Beth for you," she says.
"What are you talking about?" I ask with very little interest in my voice.
"Jordan you think you're the only one that notices things but I notice stuff too. When Paige mentioned trying to set you up on a date I'm the one that brought up Beth. Sure, Paige noticed that Beth was trying to flirt with you but I'm the one that noticed the chemistry."
"You're crazy,' I mutter. I'm in no mood to listen to Alex's nonsense.
"No I'm not. You were so focused on Paige and me that you couldn't even see what was right in front of you. There was this look in your eyes whenever Beth would talk to you at work, and you would instantly smile. But once again you were too focused in Palex world that you didn't even notice or realize your own feelings."
I wish Alex would just shut up. She thinks she's helping but she's not. All she's doing is twisting the knife that is already in my heart. And she's still talking. I close my eyes trying to drown her out.
"Shut up!" I yell. I turn back around and look at her. "You think this will make me feel better? You're just making me feel worse. Besides, since when are you an expert on relationships?"
"I'm just telling you what you told me to do with Paige long ago. Stop being a pussy and go fight for your girl."
Alex gets up from my bed and is heading to the door. She reaches the door and turns back around to look at me.
"Just do something soon Jordan because this is just pathetic."
She leaves my room and slams the door.
"Ahh!" I grab the closest thing to me and throw it against the wall. Whatever it is bounces off the wall and I can see it made a small dent.
I throw myself back down onto my bed. I'm back to looking up at the ceiling. Love isn't supposed to be this hard. If Beth and I are supposed to be together then why aren't we? It's like she's not even giving me a chance to prove to her that our love is safe and real. It's like she's not letting me prove to her that it's only her, that in the end it will only be me and her. Somewhere deep down inside I believe that she loves me too but she's just scared.
I reach my arm over the side of my bed and grab my guitar off the floor. I start strumming random chords until I find some that fit perfectly together. I feel there are words inside of me that I just need to let out, that I just need to sing.
Hours Later:
I need to do this; I need to sing her this song. I have to at least try. I jump down the last few steps with my guitar in one hand and car keys in another hand.
"Where are you going?" a voice from the kitchen asks.
I walk into the kitchen and my parents are at the island eating a snack. Brian is standing while my mom is sitting in this reinforced chair we got her. Since she's due any day now we decided a stool would be too dangerous, also she'd probably break it.
"Out," I answer her question.
"Out where?" she questions further.
"Ya know you usually don't ask me where," I tell her. I point to her near exploding stomach. "That kid has you acting very weird."
"Well you've been home for about a month and have spent 90% of that time in your room. So when you come jumping down the stairs with your guitar in one hand and your keys in the other a parent has the right to wonder. Shall I remind you of the last time you left the house and came back drunk like nobody's business?"
"It was my birthday and I was allowed to celebrate and it was 100% legal." I walk into the kitchen and throw my arms around both my parents' shoulders. "Don't worry; I'm not going out to get drunk. Just know that hopefully after today I will no longer be a vegetable in my room," I tell them with hope in my voice. I kiss Brian on the cheek and then my mom.
"Don't have that baby till I get back!" I yell as I'm running out the door.
I put my guitar in the back seat of my car and I get into the driver's seat. I put the key into the ignition and feel the car come alive. Well here goes nothing.
I pull up to Beth's house and I'm really nervous. I see her parents' car in the driveway and that makes me scared even more. I look at myself in the rearview mirror.
"You can do this," I say out loud to myself. I point to my reflection. "You are Jordan Athena Johnson damn it and you can do this!"
Alright, now that I'm pumped up and my confidence level is up I'm ready. I get out of my car and grab my guitar from the back. I walk up the steps to the front door. Alright I can do this. I raise my hand to knock on the door.
"Hurry up you two before we're late!"
The door opens suddenly and Mr. Perez is standing in front of me. He looks down and notices me. Oh shit, I think I just peed my pants a little bit.
I raise my hand in an awkward greeting. "Hola Mr. Perez," I sort of squeak.
"Aw Jordan, what a surprise to see you here," he replies.
Mrs. Perez and Simón appear behind Mr. Perez. Simón is Beth's younger brother. His full name is actually Simón Bolívar Konnor Perez. Yeah, since Mr. Perez named Beth, Mrs. Perez got to name Simón and she wanted to pay tribute to Venezuela's great liberator. I can say one thing, it's one hell of a name.
Anyway Mrs. Perez seems really shocked to see me and Simón is just smiling from ear to ear. The boy is only ten so anything right now makes him smile.
"Hey Jordan!" Simón greets me excitedly.
"Hey Simón," I greet him back. "How's it going dude?"
Mr. Perez turns his attention to Mrs. Perez and Simón. "How about you two go ahead and get the car ready?" he suggests. He gives the car keys to Mrs. Perez and she and Simón head to the car.
Mr. Perez crosses his arms. "So what are you doing here Jordan?" Mr. Perez asks me in an intimidating voice. "Because to be honest, you're the last person I thought I would see here."
I breathe and straighten up, no pun intended. "I'm here to talk to Beth sir."
Mr. Perez is nodding his head. "Of course you are. But what makes you think my daughter would like to talk to you?"
I feel myself deflate a little. I was prepared to speak to Beth but I'm not prepared to go through this conversation with her father.
"I mean when my daughter came home during American Thanksgiving break she seemed sad. She stayed in her room most of the time and when she did leave she would come home with bloodshot eyes. Why should I allow the person who broke my daughter's heart into my home?" Mr. Perez is sort of glowering at me now.
I'm stuck in my spot right now, afraid to move. Usually Mr. Perez is a sweet man but right now he's scaring the crap out of me. I never even thought about having to win Beth's parents back over. I have to stand up to Mr. Perez; I have to prove that I deserve not only to be allowed to talk to his daughter but also to date her. I can do this, I HAVE to do this.
I step up to Mr. Perez. "Sir," I say nervously. Woman up Jordan! I clear my throat. "Sir," I say more confidently. "I love your daughter. I love Beth so much that it hurts sometimes. I will wait until you leave if I have to talk to her. I'll wait forever if I have to tell Beth how I feel. But sir, no disrespect, I will not let you or anyone else stand in my way because damn it I love Beth and I deserve a chance to tell her how I feel." I'm breathing hard now and by the look on Mr. Perez's face I'm pretty sure I'm about to piss my pants now.
"Jordan," Mr. Perez says in a deep, scary, authoritive tone. Is authoritive even a word? Well it's a word now.
Oh God, I hope he remembers that I'm a girl and if he beats me up it would look very bad on his part. What the – He's smiling at me now. Do killers usually smile before they kill their victim?
Mr. Perez clasps his hands on my shoulders. "Jordan," he says, this time less threatening. "Stop whatever you're thinking before you pee yourself. I'm not going to kill you."
OH THANK YA JESUS! I let out a huge breath of relief I didn't even know I was holding in. I smile nervously at him.
"All I want is for my mija to be happy," Mr. Perez says. "The happiest I've ever seen her is when she was with you. I no longer see that spark in my daughter's eyes that use to be there and I miss that spark."
The car horn beeps and Mr. Perez and I both turn to look.
"Antonio!" Mrs. Perez yells. "Hurry up before we're late!"
Mr. Perez is yelling something back in Spanish. Now they're both yelling in Spanish and I have no idea what they're saying. Finally the yelling has stopped and Mr. Perez is looking at me, smiling.
He places a hand on my cheek as if he's about to do the "good job champ" thing. "Love is a battlefield Jordan," he says. "You have to be willing to fight for it. Now I want you to go upstairs and fight for my daughter's heart."
I'm smiling at Mr. Perez, feeling very happy and very relieved.
"Thanks Mr. Perez."
Mr. Perez nods her head. "No problem Jordan. Now go make my daughter happy." He's walking to his car.
I turn back to the house and breathe. I walk into the house and close the door behind me. It looks the same here, like nothing has changed. The same furniture is in place, the same pictures are on the wall, and the house still smells the same. The only difference I see is a UM flag hanging over the couch in the living room.
I'm looking at the stairs now. I feel like they're taunting me, mocking me. I feel like these stairs are daring me to climb them and then pour my heart out to the girl I love. I cross my arms, exhale a deep breath, and narrow my eyes. Bring it on stairs, I'm ready. I grab my guitar and start climbing the stairs.
I'm standing outside Beth's door now. There's a crack in the doorway and I'm looking inside her room. Beth is sitting on her bed, reading a book. I can't tell what book she's reading but I do know it's making her cry because I just saw her wipe a tear away. I run my hand through my hair. It's now or never. I knock on the door.
Knock, knock
Beth looks up from her book and quickly grabs a bat from under her bed.
"Who is it?" she asks in a shaky voice. Oh yeah, her family just left and there's someone knocking at her bedroom door. I'd be nervous and scared too.
I slowly open the door. "It's just me," I tell her.
Beth sighs, or maybe it's a breath of relief. "Ay dios mio," Beth says. She places the bat back down on the floor. "What are you doing here Jordan?"
I unzip my guitar case and take my guitar out. I put the strap around my shoulder and kick my case to the side.
"Jordan-"
"Just hear me out please," I plead.
My body is slightly shaking. I'm really nervous and I feel like I'm about to throw up. I inhale a deep breath and exhale. I place my fingers in the position for the first chord and start to strum. Music is starting to fill the room and my confidence is starting to rise. I can do this. I open my mouth as I begin to sing.
I hear you calling out my name
All of the elements will fade
Never before has love looked safe
Never again will it look the same
But then we fall back now to this empty house
There the wars will rage
And if you leave me now in this empty house
Baby it's okay
Oh and it's only you yeah it's only you
It's only you and me
Oh and it's only you yeah it's only you
It's only you and me yeah
So far, so good. She hasn't tried to stop me or anything and she's still listening.
And I feel you crawling out my veins
Leaving the walls inside with flames
Burning the emptiness I've saved
Until lonely you remain
But then my lungs collapse and you pull me out
Forever I've been changed
Honey you can take me now till it all runs out
Baby it's okay
Oh but there's only you, yeah it's only you
It's only you I see
Girl if it's only you, yeah it's only you
It's only you and me yeah
Can you feel it now?
I've weighed it all out
Here and now my world turns inside out
And I swear I
I hear you calling
I hear you calling out my name
Only you yeah it's only you
It's only you I see
Girl if it's only you, yeah it's only you
It's only you and me yeah
yeah-eah-eah yeahahah eah-eah yeah-eah-eah yeahahah eah yeah
I strum the last chord and let it ring. Beth is staring at me and I'm staring back. Her eyes are shining which means tears are ready to fall. I place my guitar down on the floor and approach Beth. She stands up from her bed.
"Jordan-," she starts.
"Sh," I quiet her. I wipe away the tear that was falling down her cheek with my thumb. "I'll always be here to wipe away your tears." I smile and take a deep breath.
Take Beth's hands into mine. "Beth from the moment I told you I love you I have always meant it and I still do. The moment you broke up with me my heart broke and my world began to crumble. I only dated Tammy in hope that it would take the pain away. But dating her was like putting a band-aid on my heart. It covered the pain but it didn't heal it, because only you can do that."
I raise my right hand and place it on Beth's cheek. "I'm sorry I forgot how hard it was to move to a different place, a different country. I'm sorry that I didn't think about your feelings when I was off hanging out with old friends. And just know that that girl in the picture kissing me on the cheek was my old best friend from middle school but I get why that would make you upset and I'm sorry."
I take another breath, trying to calm myself as I feel tears starting. "But know that not a day went by where I wasn't thinking of you," my voice cracks a little. "You're the one for me Beth, only you. I want to be with you and only you." I take her hand that I was holding and place it over my heart. "Only you make my heart beat like this."
I step closer to Beth, closing the distance that was between us and wipe away another tear that's falling down her cheek. "I love you Beth. I love you with all my heart and I always will. And I think you love me too but you're just scared. You're scared that I'll break your heart but I'd break my heart before I'd ever break yours. And I think you're running away because you're scared and I don't want you to run anymore. But if you can look me straight in my eyes and honestly tell me you no longer love me, that you're no longer in love with me, then I'll leave. All I want is to see you happy and if you tell me I'm not the one that can bring you happiness then I'll leave you alone."
I'm staring at Beth and she's staring right back at me. There's so much emotion in this room right now and my heart is beating so hard and fast that I think I'm either going to pass out or have a heart attack. Beth's hand is still over my heart and my hand is still covering hers.
Beth is sliding her hand away from my heart up my body. She rests her hand on the back of my neck and our foreheads are resting against each other. I can feel her breath on my lips and her body being this close to mine is driving me crazy. I close my eyes.
"I love you," Beth whispers.
Wait, did she just say she loves me? I'm waiting for her to say "as a friend" because somewhere in the back of my mind I know she's going to say it.
"Jordan," Beth says, trying to get my attention.
I open my eyes slowly and look at Beth. Tears are silently falling down her face and I'm crying as well. I'm looking into her eyes and I'm seeing something I haven't seen in awhile, love.
I feel Beth's lips on mine and I think I might be dreaming, but I hope to God I'm not. I'm seeing stars and I feel like I'm on cloud nine. Beth's arms are around my neck while mine are around her waist. My lips are moving against Beth's in perfect sync. Our kissing right is now is rushed and full of passion as we're both trying to reacquaint our lips. The feelings we've been holding and not being able to express are pouring into these kisses. We've finally slowed down to sensual kisses. We pull apart, both desperately needing air. We're both still crying but these are tears of joy and happiness.
"I love you Jordan Johnson," Beth says.
I'm grinning widely, feeling extremely happy and relieved. I laugh a little out of pure happiness.
"I love you too Bethany Perez," I tell her.
"I'm so sorry for what I did," Beth starts apologizing while more tears are still streaming down her face. "I just-."
"Hey," I interrupt her and I'm trying to wipe away some of the tears. "Sh, we'll talk about that later. Right now I just want to be with you."
I capture Beth's lips with mine. I feel her tongue running along my lower lip asking for permission. I happily grant the permission by welcoming her tongue with mine. Oh my… We both moan as our tongues slide against each other. I lay Beth down gently on her bed but our lips never disconnect.
Ok, now I need air. I leave Beth's lips, receiving a groan from her, but I've reattached my lips to her neck. As I'm kissing and nipping her neck my hand is sliding up her shirt. Yep, I'm a sneaky one. I find Beth's pulse point, sucking on it hopefully leaving a mark.
"Jordan," Beth moans.
I can feel Beth's hand sliding up my shirt as she's moaning my name. Beth is feeling my abs and it sort of tickles.
"Someone has been working out," she says.
I chuckle. "I had to do something at school besides studying."
"You should take your shirt off," Beth whispers seductively in my ear.
I take off my shirt in one swift motion. Beth's eyes are roaming my body, taking everything in. I'm pretty sure her light green eyes just got a shade darker and I'm pretty sure mine have as well.
"You like what you see?" I ask her.
Beth smiles seductively at me. "Yeah," she answers and bites her lip.
The lip biting always gets me. I lean down and kiss her hard while tugging at her shirt. "You should take this off."
Beth takes her shirt off and hands and lips are instantly on her unclothed skin. I'm kissing down her stomach, enjoying the softness. I've reached the waistband of her shorts and I slide my tongue back up her body to her mouth. We start kissing again.
I pull away. "I love you," I tell her sincerely."
"I love you too," she says. Beth pulls the zipper of my pants down. "Let me show you how much."
They say no matter what love conquers all. That sometimes for love to be strong you must go through trials and obstacles. I know that no matter what Beth and I's relationship will last because these past nine months have shown me that I'm nothing without Beth. She's my only one and now that we're back together my heart will heal.
A/N: So next chapter will be the chapter we've all been waiting for. PALEX CHAPTER! WOO! I'm almost done with it so expect it soon. "Only You" is a song owned by Cartel off their new album. check it out =)