Hi! Well, once again, I am a touch late with this update. My bad. Well, we got 700 reviews with the last chapter, so you can expect the second half of the Carlisle update soon! :)
The reviews have dropped, and I wish that everyone who reads would leave a review. I know, though, that is never going to happen, but about 300 of you have BHLB on your favorites list. (which is amazing!) If you haven't left a review, do it. It is quick and painless, and you will get a lovely, sometimes funny, response from me. ;)
So, I chose two songs for this chapter as well. The first is Fresh Pair of Eyes by Brooke Waggoner and the second is Daylight by Matt & Kim. They are quite different from each other.
I don't own Twilight. It should be pretty obvious by now, though.
I stay out by the river, letting my emotions and thoughts consume me entirely. Before I met this brunette temptress, I never knew how big of a coward I was. She gives me an opening, a chance to tell her the real reasons behind my actions, but I don't take the opportunity and keep her in the dark once more. Bella deserves honesty from me and needs to know the truth.
The truth is, though, I'm afraid. If I tell her how I feel, lay all my cards on the table, it might be completely one-sided. I don't think I can handle the rejection. I am not sure, though, I would be able to stay away from her even if she doesn't want me.
I halfheartedly listen to the conversation between Bella and the family as Carlisle continues to explain the ways of our world – the secrets, the Volturi, the facade we have to keep up. She takes each new piece of information in stride, but I can see the worry that marks her face. The fact that we never sleep or tire causes a moment of panic, but Jasper quickly squelches it.
It then turns to harder subjects.
"Your funeral is tomorrow," Carlisle says to Bella, grabbing my full attention outside. I concentrate on his mind, letting myself see through his thoughts. Bella is sitting on the couch, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Her shoulders are tense, relaying her anxiety, and I want nothing more to soothe her and kiss away her worries.
"My funeral?" She questions with a small gasp. "What does everyone else think happened to me?" Her eyes travel over her cold, hard body before she looks back at Carlisle, holding his gaze, looking right through him into my heart.
"Well, Alice foresaw this, so we got a will together for you with specific instructions on what you wanted in case of your death..."
"Wait," Bella says, interrupting. "Alice knew this was going to happen? Did Edward know before hand as well?"
"No," Alice replies. "He would have stopped himself if he knew, no matter the cost."
"So," Bella states, and I call tell she is trying to figure out what to do with this new information. "You knew he would do this, but you didn't give him any warning. I mean, it's visibly noticeable that he's upset about biting and turning me. I am pretty sure he regrets the decision with the somber way he's acting..."
"That's just Eddie," Emmett interjects from the loveseat. "He is a somber dude."
How could she think I regret what I have done? Yes, I regret hurting her, misleading her, but I could never regret the opportunity to keep her with me forever. Hell, she is my forever.
"No matter," Bella continues. "He had a right to know. I had a right to know. You all could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble and just let me die."
"NO!" I yell out at the same time as Alice does inside. Bella turns her head to peer at Alice before cocking her head toward the window, searching for something outside.
"I mean," Alice says in a quieter voice. "The other outcome was not acceptable. I could not let you die."
"When it is your time to go, it's your time, Alice," Bella whispers, looking at her feet. "Everyone dies. It's inevitable."
"Not anymore," Alice replies, "for you, at least."
Bella closes her eyes and takes a deep, unneeded breath before looking up and acknowledging everyone in my family, our family if she'll have us. "I need some time to think. I'd like to be alone."
"Of course," Carlisle answers with a kind voice. "Take all the time you need."
She nods, leaving the room. I can hear her feet on the stairs before she turns into the room that now belongs to her. I can't hear anything after that, so I stand still, waiting for her next move.
I am still rooted in the same spot an hour later when Alice finds me.
Were you listening earlier?
I nod tersely, keeping my eyes trained on Bella's window.
She thinks you don't care about her, that you regret changing her.
I cringe at her words, dropping my chin to my chest. "I..." start, but she interrupts me.
No excuses, Edward. That girl needs to know how you feel.
I raise my eyes, looking at my pixie sister. "I know. I'm scared to just come out and say it, though."
"Oh, Edward," she sighs out in a whisper. "You shouldn't be afraid, but I know this is all new for you, being exposed like this. Love is the most wonderful and most terrifying thing that exists in the world. Your mate will be able to break you down to the smallest parts of yourself, parts you didn't even know you had, and you will be bare and vulnerable. It's easy to not give in, to run away, but if you let someone into your heart, it is more than words can describe. You will be complete when you didn't even know that you were only half of yourself."
She smiles sweetly at me before patting me reassuringly on the shoulder as my mind turns over everything she just told me. Sure, I've seen love before through the minds of others, but to experience it first hand is just like Alice said – terrifying.
"I'm just not ready to say it point blank like that," I finally mumble out.
Good, because I don't think Bella is ready to hear it... yet. Actually, I know that she's not ready.
"When will she be?" I ask.
I can't tell you that, silly!
"Well then, what can you tell me?" I question, frustrated with this little game we're playing.
Show Bella your feelings for her.
"How?"
You know, you need to do somethings on your own, Edward! What kind of romantic gesture would it be if it came from me?
Her mental tone is admonishing as her thoughts become more and more annoyed. I put my hands up in defeat, backing down from the tiny yet scary creature in front of me.
"I'll figure it out. Thanks for your advice, Alice."
No problem! By the way, the sun is going to break through around four today.
She grins at me before spinning on her toe and skipping back into the house. I watch her retreating form with a raised eyebrow. It never ceases to amaze me that even though I can read her mind, a conversation with Alice can still leave me utterly clueless to what she's thinking.
Shaking my head, I make my way back toward the house. Thinking about what Alice just said, I know I need to somehow show Bella that I love her. I am just not sure how I am going to go about it.
Mostly, I hope this does not blow up in my face.
I knock on her door, waiting as patiently as possible on the other side, stopping myself from just barging in.
"Yes?" She questions through the wooden barrier. I have never hated the idea of a door more in my life.
"Bella," I greet to the bronze knob, keeping my fingers crossed that it will soon turn, revealing my love to my desperate eyes. "Can I come in?"
There is a moment of silence that is almost perceptible to touch, as though I can feel her hesitation. Not daring to disturb this awkward moment, not even to cross my fingers in a foolhardy notion of luck, I wait.
Without a word from the other side, the door slowly cracks open, revealing a sliver of sunlight into the hall. I guess it is about four.
I give her a small smile, hoping to reassure her in anyway she needs. "I'd like to show you something," I say, putting my hand out, encouraging her to place hers in mine, to trust me.
"What?" She asks with a furrowed brow, uncertainty covering her beautiful face.
"You know that we can go out in the daylight," I start.
"Obviously," she points out sarcastically before giving me a teasing grin.
"Well, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," I reply with a crooked smile, arching my brow in challenge. She puts her hands up in defeat, signaling for me to continue.
"There is a reason we do not go out in sunlight, though," I nods and places her small hand into mine.
I don't let go of her hand on the stairs or in the hall, and I grip it tighter the moment we step outside. "Ready?" I ask, turning my face toward her, and it takes all of my control not to bridge the small gap between our bodies, meshing us together into one.
"I guess," she replies, shrugging her shoulders in acquiesce. "You never told me where we were going, though."
"I want to show you what we look like in the sunlight, so we are going to go somewhere special to me, an oasis of sorts buried in the woods," I answer, looking toward the river.
"Well, alright then," she says with a small laugh, warming my body with its lilting tone.
I reluctantly let go of her hand so we can jump the river, and she enjoys it just as much as the first time, relishing in the small wonders of her new body. I start running at a slower pace than before, and she matches her strides to mine.
I turn directions suddenly when I pick up the tenor of a human mind in the distance.
"Why did you do that?" Bella questions, speeding up slightly so that she is beside me.
"Avoiding temptation," I answer cryptically.
She wrinkles her brow in confusion before her eyes widen in understanding. "A person?"
I nod, and she looks at me, deep in thought. "You heard their mind, right? That's how you knew they were there?"
"That's right," I reply, turning to look at her.
"What is it like?" She questions. "Reading minds?"
I stop running and she immediately halts next to me. "It's hard," I confess honestly. "Don't ever take for granted your alone time because there is always someone in here with me," I continue, tapping my temple with my pointer finger.
"You can't read my mind at all?"
I shake my head but give her a smile. "It's wonderful. When I am with you, I feel so free. You'll never know how much your silent mind means to me."
Her teeth tug on her bottom lip, biting forcefully into the pink flesh, and I am worried she will break the skin with her new, razor sharp teeth. "Do you ever wish you could hear me as well?" She finally asks in a small voice.
She has no idea how much I want to know what runs through her head, her thoughts, her feelings, but I don't want to scare her away with that revelation.
"Why?" I question with a grin. "Would you like to tell me every little thing you are thinking?"
"No," she stutters out with a laugh.
"Then, I suppose your secrets are safe, my dear." I say seriously. "For now, at least," I continue, gazing into her red eyes, arching my brow to compliment my gravely tone of voice.
Her mouth opens into a little gasp, but she does not break our eye contact until I give her a crooked smirk. "Umm," she begins, startling herself with the sound of her voice, "I thought we were going somewhere." She turns immediately, running quickly into the direction we were headed previously.
I chuckle to myself as I catch up. "Wait," I call out. "You don't know where we are going!"
"I'm sure I can figure it out," she replies in a quiet tone as I inch ahead of her.
"Don't be so stubborn," I joke. "We're almost there." I turn my head to the left to give her a huge, goofy grin, and it makes me unbelievably happy when she returns it.
Sooner than I think possible, we stop at the line of trees that surround my meadow. "Ready?" I ask, cutting my eyes toward her, taking in her apprehensive expression.
"We aren't going to turn into some disfigured creature in the sunlight are we?" She asks, staring out at the grassy area which is illuminated by the bright rays.
"No," I reply, taking her hand once more. "It will just explain why we can't go out in the sun," I continue. "Shut your eyes," I plead, and her lids flutter closed. I lead her out into the center of my meadow, delighted in the fact that my fingers are still interlaced with hers.
We stop, surrounded by the tall grass and flowers swaying lackadaisically in the wind as the river trickles melodiously behind us, but the beauty of the woman beside me overshadows all of these things. She is truly amazing. I take a moment to take in her sparkling skin, lighting up the center of my meadow like the North Star, guiding me home.
If I am sure that I am Edward Cullen, vampire, I am certain that Bella is my home. Wherever she is, I shall be as well.
I unlock our hands only so I can move behind her to place my body as close as possible without actually touching her. I lean lightly into her hair, breathing in her delicious scent as I line my lips up with her ear. "Open your eyes, love," I whisper, my breath brushing over the sensitive skin, and she lets out a small gasp.
"Where are we?" She asks quietly, taking in my meadow through hungry eyes.
"This is my special place," I answer. "I found this when we first moved here, and I discovered that it is far enough away from the house and any human made trails that while in the sanctity of this circle, I can be alone in my head."
"It's so beautiful," she replies.
"Yes," I murmur, staring at Bella. "You are the only person I have ever brought here," I continue honestly.
"Really?" She questions, her voice dripping with an emotion that I can't quite place as she spins around to face me. Her mouth falls open as she stares unabashedly at me. "I..." she starts as she reaches out to touch my sparkling skin. The action causes her own arm to sneak into her line of vision, and she slowly moves her hand in front of her face, revolving it back and forth as the sun catches on her skin.
"I'm like a disco ball," she finally mumbles, her eyes widening.
I let out a small laugh, reaching for her hand, placing it flat against my palm, letting us sparkle together. "Well, that is one way to put it," I joke, raising my eyes to her face.
She starts laughing, gasping for breath as she giggles. I raise my eyebrow in question, but I don't interrupt. She looks truly happy.
"I can see now why we would avoid the sun," she chortles. "I was just picturing you walking down the street in the sun, blinding drivers and causing a multicar pile up."
I join in on her laughter. "That's really not that funny," I finally say.
"I know," she chuckles. "I had that thought as well. It's probably why I thought it was so funny," she continues. She must see the confusion on my face as I contemplate her last sentence. "I know, I know," she sighs as the laughter fades but the jubilant feeling remains. "I'm weird."
"I don't think you're weird," I reply, shaking my head at the thought. "I love how your mind works."
"Really?" She questions with a shy smile.
"Of course," I say, taking her hand in mine again. "You are kind, thoughtful, smart and sweet," I pause, giving her a playful stern look, "and sarcastic as hell."
"That is definitely true," she replies as her smile grows, lighting up her entire face. I am sure my returning grin is verging on manic, but I can't find it in myself to reel it back.
I am about to lean in and close the distance between our lips, but she drops my hand and takes a step back. "Alright," she says nervously, "so we sparkle, can run really fast, our minds are insanely brilliant, and we never get tired or sleep." She quickly glances back up at me before directing her attention toward the small stream. "Is there anything I am forgetting?"
"We have super strength," I point out in a teasing tone, following Bella's lead to lighten the pulsing tension between us.
"Right," she replies. "You said that right now I am the strongest out of all of you."
"I wasn't lying. You are even stronger than Emmett," I tease. "You should be able to beat him in any feat of strength."
"So, if I challenged him to an arm wrestling match..." She pauses, looking back at me, glee dancing behind her eyes.
"You would wipe the floor with him," I continue. "You should challenge him one day when he is being extra annoying."
"I'll keep that in mind," she snickers.
"Well, what do you want to do, now?" I ask, following behind her as she leisurely laps the meadow, taking in the organic beauty surrounding us.
She looks back over her shoulder at me. "We don't have to leave yet, do we?"
"We can stay as long as you like, Bella," I answer, moving my hand in a small motion to encompass the entire are. "Mi meadow es su meadow."
"Wow," she replies with a smirk. "Those are some impressive Spanish skills, Edward."
My heart leaps and my pants tighten at the sound of my name escaping her full lips. I love the way she says my name.
"I'll have you know that I am fluent in Spanish and several other languages" I defend myself with a smile while willing my erection to go away with thoughts of Sally and a naked Queen Elizabeth. I let out a grateful exhale and relax my shoulders the moment it does. I doubt that Alice wanted me to show Bella my feelings that way.
"Wow," she says with a genuine smile. "What else do you know? I mean you have had over ninety years of time to learn and absorb new things. That's impressive."
"Well, I don't know about impressive," I reply, shaking my head.
"Don't be so humble, Edward," She states. "You obviously went to medical school, but what else have you accomplished? Please, I would love to know."
I could never deny her of anything, so I launch into my background. "I have attended and graduated high school too many times to count." I answer with an eye roll. "Can you imagine going to high school, again and again?"
"Sounds horrible," she agrees.
"It can be," I continue. "I also went to college a few times for different things – science, literature and, of course, medicine. I earned a few Master's degrees before I went to medical school, as well. When we moved here again, I decided to skip high school all together this time around, and that is how I came to be at the hospital.
"You've done so much," she murmurs before looking back up at me. "What do you mean, you moved back here? You all were here before?"
"Many years ago," I answer with a smile. "Enough time had passed, though, that we were able to come back. The weather here really is perfect for hiding our identity."
She nods before a moment of sadness washes over her face.
"What's wrong?" I ask, my tone a touch frantic. Before I can stop myself, I reach out, soothing away the worry line that creases the area between her eyebrows with my fingertip before cupping her face in my palm, rubbing my thumb along her jaw. She gasps slightly when my hand grazes her skin, looking up at me with wide eyes.
"I..." she pauses, turning her face away, so I drop my hand. "I was just thinking of the weather," she continues. "It's hard for me to remember before, but when I lived with my mother, I was somewhere sunny and hot. I moved to Forks and was so upset about the constant dreary rain, but I wasn't any happier in the heat." She stops, putting her back to me. "I guess, what I am trying to say, that I was just trying to remember being happy, and I was having a difficult time. Recently, though, I have been happy no matter the weather." She laughs humorlessly. "That sounded dumb."
"No," I reply. "I understand completely. Until a few months ago, I was never a happy person. I practically had a scowl painted on my face..."
"What happened a few months ago?" She questions, interrupting me.
"I met you," I answer honestly to her back, hoping she will turn to see the truth of my emotions reflected in my eyes.
Her shoulders drop as she lets out a sigh. "I really enjoyed myself today, Edward. Thank you for showing all of this to me."
"It was my pleasure, Bella," I state crestfallen at her sudden change in demeanor.
"I think we should head back now. It's getting late," she mumbles out hurriedly, not sparing a single glance in my direction.
"Of course," I reply.
I can hear her running behind me the entire way toward the house, but she makes no move to pass me or run alongside me. I don't turn around, either, and we finish the small trek in complete silence.
Bella quickly enters the house, running up the stairs and locking herself in her room.
I stand outside the back door, letting the light fade into the darkness of the night, unsure of my next move. Gritting my teeth, I turn back toward the forest, taking out my frustration with the outcome of the day on three deer that I quickly drain.
I replay our conversation in my mind, torturing myself on a continuous loop until a thought breaks through, like the sun through the clouds.
Bella said she is happy.
It is enough... for now.
So, what do you think? 750 reviews with this chapter gets an outtake. I'm thinking Bella, but do y'all want to hear from anyone else?
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http://themoonlightawards(dot)yolasite(dot)com/nominees(dot)php
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