Thanks to all of you! I'm sorry for not updating sooner and I hope and promise to do it sooner than this last time. I want to really thank to all of you who are reading still this story and/or reviewing or putting it in your list of favorites or alerts.
I tried to not do this chapter as long as the last one but somehow it was inevitable. So sorry for the ones who think they're long but sometimes the scenes just take you all the way.
Now, let's go to the reviews and once again, thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart:
First to Laury_Uchiha for her work as my beta in this last chapter. You were really quick girl! Thanks for you review of it and I'm happy you liked it. And be sure that when I have the new chapter I'll send you right away. Thanks for loving my story and yes, we'll know someday what has been happening with Sasuke, believe it, just have patience. Let's hope he doesn't refuse Sakura's plan. I'm learning a lot by the way, reading a lot of fanfiction to improve my english. Sorry for scaring you. I knew all of you were going to think it was the new chapter (bad for me, cruel I am) and I'm still alive! I'm following the manga and it's getting good because Sasuke is back! Ha, ha, no, it's really good. Sorry for saddening you. My, no one wants Sasuke to die! (not even me). What do you think of Sakura now? Don't stop bombing me with PM's and well, now that you have read the last chapter maybe your wanted scene could happen. Who knows (cruel of me). You printed chapter 18. For being long. What's with me and long chapters?
AVAuchiha: Thanks for your review after my special note! Yeah, I'm still here going on and trying to update soon. I'm sorry for doing long chapters! But I'm glad you don't complain about it. Thank you!
jay-alexis: Thanks for answering to my special note! And thanks for saying that, you really got me saying that you didn't mind to wait because you love it. And it's going, don't worry, there's still a lot to happen. I don't want to let you down! Thank you! I hope to be forgiven for the delay thanks to this long chapter... I like when you cannot guess what is going to happen next. Did I surprise you?
Babykat570: Thank you for your support! I'll take my time, I want to do good chapters and to really keep it as I imagined at first. Thank you! I'm keeping it up! I'll try to do it often!
Massu_Chan: Hello to you and thank you for your review! Thanks for considering a great story and for supporting me till the end. I hope you liked the chapter. Thank you! Yeah is sad. Not even with Naruto's scheme their relationship had really changed. About Sasuke dying... I don't know. I can tell I have thought in two endings by the way. I'll continue it, don't worry. I hope you like the last chapter. Have a pleasant day you too. One day I'll unravel Sasuke's mysterious life. I know I have to explain it (upps for me! I'm joking!) Probably you'll have your scene after all they're going... do you read chapter 20? Thank you for loving it.
touchtheskies: Hey! Thank you for saying you miss me! I missed all of you too. I won't abandon this story, don't worry. Thank you!
sonia: Well to answer your question, Sasuke is sick because of a jutsu but still nobody knows who did it (yet). It's kind of weird to have him mute but I guess it's more mysterious this way... but don't worry, I'll promise you, and I tell you as a little spoiler that he would talk. Someday. About him getting cured... I'm still thinking it (cruel of me). And yes, this story is depressing and a drama mostly, sorry for it, I like that kind of stories so I guess I'm attracted to write them. And this is going to take a while so I hope you don't get bored or lose your patience. Thank you!
xxx-tenshi-xx: I'm sorry for dashing your hopes into pieces and for getting you so mad about it. Sorry! I really love to read your reviews and to see your opinions. I don't know what are you going to say of the last chapter and I'm hoping to have your mercy! And you're right in something. It will be a miracle if Sasuke became suddenly the perfect husband. I hope to see you around still and to have your reviews. Sasuke had behaved really bad indeed with Sakura and Miyu too. Thank you! (Sorry for making you sad).
C.A.M.E.O1 and Only: There's still a long way. Seven chapters I think but I don't want to elaborate. With writing you never know. Sasuke's POV will come sooner or later, don't worry. Thank you! Does Sasuke care? What do you think? Please don't go for your meds after reading chapter 20! Thank you!
Delione: Hi there! Sorry for making your sad and thank you for taking time to read the long, long, looooooong chapters! About their happy ending well, I don't know. I have two endings in mind. One more developed than the other. I don't know if he'll die but I know he'll talk one day. Questions, questions! Thanks for loving my story and I hope you like the last chapter. Thank you!
luna_starz: I updated it! Thank you for loving it!
luna: Thanks for loving this chapter! I updated it! Yeah! Thank you!
ChipFest: Do you still want to be my other beta? I haven't heard from you for a long time. I tried to send you the chapter 19 but I don't quite remember what happened. Thank you for wanting it! That meant you like it. Thank you for liking the length and the plot!
IiSKATEBOARD: Thank you for calling it awesome! Sasuke will talk, don't worry, sooner or later. And I'm sorry but I think you'll have to wait a little longer. Sasuke wasn't completely asleep when Sakura kissed him. Naruto noticed it. Thank you!
sneaky08: Another update! Another long chapter! I hope you enjoy the last chapter! Thank you!
Crunch Berry Baroness: I hope you like the contact they're having lately! What do you think about the last chapters about that? Thank you!
I think I don't owe anyone else an answer but I'm not pretty sure. So sorry if it it is the case, please forgive and let me know, I just have time to check up quickly the reviews of the last chapters and sometimes I can miss something.
SEE YOU LATER AND THANKS!
Chapter 20
Sacrificing
Sakura POV
It seemed like a nightmare what I had lived last night. I was still so trapped in the incident and in the fear I felt for Sasuke-kun that when I woke up I did my early routines almost completely in silence and deeply lost in thought and worry. Ino had gone before I woke up and mother waited for me to tell me and knowing from her what had happened with the father of her granddaughter she offered me to stay at home watching and taking care of Miyu. I thanked her gratefully and touched and trying to not burst into tears of agony and despair. If she was with Miyu that gave me time to investigate what was happening with my friends and Sasuke-kun. I needed to know what was his current situation and if I could take Miyu later to see him. I was sure that her presence was going to soothe him and help him like always.
After a light breakfast that mother forced me to have and saying goodbye with a strong hug and a sweet kiss for Miyu and a supporting look of my mother I left my home ready to face whatever future was awaiting me. I was bracing myself so tight and strongly that I had to breathe deeply to calm myself and clear my mind from the anguish and dread I was feeling about all this. I wondered concerned if Sasuke-Kun was alright and if he was serene enough to confront the Council and explain to Tsunade-sama. I had decided since yesterday that I was not going to cry just as an unconscious and impulsive response at anything and that I was going to be strong, cold headed and helpful like the Medic-Nin and the woman who gave birth to his child I was at the same time in his mixed world.
When I arrived at the hospital I noticed how the devastation Sasuke-kun had caused hours ago because of his breakdown had really affected Konoha. The hospital was brimming with injured ninjas from different status and the murmurs run along the halls in hushed words. Most of them were worried and panicked about Sasuke-kun´s behavior and seemed to agree with whatever decision the Council was going to make concerning him. I couldn't be really angered or disappointed with them after I witnessed at first hand what had happened but that didn't mean that I agreed with them. I didn't want the Council to punish Sasuke-kun, I wanted them to help him. I didn't believe and I couldn't believe that he had just wanted deeply and secretly the destruction he had caused like some people dared to say just because of the past and I didn't like how they implied that he had done it on purpose taking advantage of his "weird illness". The little part of the people who had testified his actions last night were worried and wondering caring for his well being and his future and among that few people were our friends who I came to visit first after knowing where they were. I knocked on the door where one Medic-Nin had told me they were reunited to be released by Ino in a moment. Just Naruto, Shikamaru and Hinata had been released earlier and they were waiting for the rest of them to leave the hospital. Nobody could give me news about Sasuke-kun and whenever I asked anyone about him, they simply said honestly that they didn't know a thing about him and that the Hokage herself was dealing with his situation and the orders of the Council. After hearing that, a horrible and haunting hunch kept hovering in my heart and not a hopeful word or wanted wish could make it disappear and I didn't want to know the reason when it was screaming in the deepest part of my soul.
I sighed intensely concerned and trying to maintain calm and not cry and strengthen up before I heard someone coming to the door and opened it letting me to go inside. Naruto smiled weakly and sadly with a permanent frown of worry and I was glad that he didn't seem very injured. He closed the door behind me quietly after I had come into the big white room where the rest of my friends were waiting for Ino to tell them that they could go. All of them stared at me with preoccupation and serious faces wondering the same I was wondering. We wanted to know what was going on with Sasuke-kun and the desperation was trying to control me and kill me painfully and slowly. I focused again remembering myself my promises to act in my best behavior in his sake; my Uchihas sake even if my inside was tearing up with each second passing.
"I'm so happy that all of you are fine." I said glancing at every one of my friends with a little soft smile and sighing relieved. "And I want to thank you… for trying to help him."
I didn't and couldn't say anymore because I knew my voice was going to break. I was doing a big effort and I had to take it step by step if I wanted to really be cold headed and strong when Sasuke-kun needed me. They all nodded at me still thoughtful for what had happened and Ino ended checking up Chouji who was the last one to take care of. When she looked at me I just could smile at her thankful for what she had done for me last night and she knew it perfectly and smiled at me nodding.
"Don't you know anything yet?"
I asked after a brief pause. I noticed how they crossed their serious and worried glances and Shikamaru sighed tired before answering my tensed question.
"We only heard that the Council has him in a special area of the hospital that they closed particularly for him to be completely isolated. The halls and accesses are watched over by Anbus designed for it and just Tsunade-sama and Shizune can go to see him for their experience in medicine." He explained pinching the bridge of his noise with his thumb and index finger meditative. "The both had gone to see him since hours ago and they hadn't returned to tell us what they discovered. It seems that the Council designed another Medic-Nins too to do tests on Sasuke, like if they wanted a "neutral" view of the case."
"A neutral view?" I asked feeling an urging anger rising inside of me. "They don't trust in Tsunade-Sensei or Shizune of course! They probably think they could do something to help Sasuke-kun."
"That's what we thought." Neji added spacing out. "But the alarming thing here is that we don't know yet how he is right now. And the worst is that we don't know what measures the Council will take about his situation."
I nodded concerned and anguished, knowing that it was true. That was the part that scared me the most. What they had decided to do with my Sasuke? I didn't want to jump into conclusions right now; I just wanted to see him even from far to know that he was ok. Just a simple glance could calm the pain and suffering I was holding up inside my heart.
"Until now Kakashi-Sensei told us that they had ordered to keep Sasuke isolated and controlled by any means necessary till the Medic-Nins know what's wrong with him." Shikamaru said again seriously and staring straight at me. "He hasn't seen him either. He's waiting as Hiashi-sama to visit him and give their opinions on the matter but we don't know exactly what kind of measures they're going to take when this has passed and the result of the different tests are done."
I knew that he, being the kind of genius he was, had something already figured out in his bright mind about it and when he was silent and locked his black gaze with mine, he didn't have to tell me that I was guessing right. And I couldn't ask him what he thought about it and what he thought was going to happen to the father of my child. I couldn't help to sigh preventing myself to sob and lower down my look to the ground trying to breathe calm and be focused. My eyes hurt when unshed tears wanted to rebel against my will and I felt Naruto wrapping an arm around my shoulders supporting. He had been so silent and lost in thought all the while.
"Don't worry Sakura-chan! We'll do something to help Sasuke, I promise you."
I just barely smiled grateful watching him for a second not feeling the same small hope as him. I sighed deeply and frowned feeling strong enough to look up and wait with them for news about Sasuke-kun. Like an answer to my prayers suddenly the door opened and Kakashi-Sensei appeared with Sai, Hiashi-sama and Tsunade-sama looking serious and tired. Ino immediately jumped to her feet and smiling happily threw her arms around Sai's neck calling his name cheerful. He patted her back softly with his usual façade and softened eyes and I couldn't help to smile watching them together. It was so weird and so cute too being the both so different.
"You're back!"
"I called him." Tsunade-sama said amused for my blonde friend's affection. Ino sneaked her arms around Sai's waist as I noticed that the lighthearted moment my eyed blue friend had brought so easily had disappeared in an instant. All of us were in silence watching at the last Sannin as she folded her arms over her chest. She seemed so exhausted and focused at the same time. "I needed someone quiet to rely on."
"Are you going to tell us why?"
Kakashi-Sensei asked for my behalf. She nodded spacing out and we all gathered near her being aware of her secrecy when her voice was low and private. Naruto was still at my side now wrapping Hinata and me at the same time with one of his supportive arms. Hinata clutched one of my hands reassuringly and I smiled sadly and thankful at her. She just nodded warmly trying to cheer me up.
"We have discovered the reason why Sasuke did what he did."
After the words left her throat and were lingering in the air and the sharp silence, I felt relieved knowing that everything had a reason. I knew something was wrong with Sasuke-kun to behave like that, I knew it. But even knowing it I didn't felt secure watching the frowning and worry in my former Sensei's pretty face. I couldn't help to stare at her listening to and dreading what was waiting in her mind to spill out and I felt again the terrible sense of a hunch gripping my throbbing heart. Watching at the others by the corner of my green firm eyes I noticed that I wasn't the only one thinking that her silence only meant something worse than we could imagine right then.
"Shizune and I were working on his case all this while and I asked her to not leave his side. I don't want him totally alone knowing what we know." Her honey tired eyes turned suddenly angered by the fire of her knowledge and I feared more. "We were lucky to be there and do our job before the Council sent their own Medic-Nins to assure that we didn't help Sasuke or more precisely, to assure that we didn't discover the truth."
She paused and fixed her eyes on us before going on and now I could see she was totally infuriated and she was trying hard to not show how deeply she was affected for her research. Her voice sounded death serious and hissing anger when she finally started to explain us what she and Shizune had discovered. She had to take a deep breath first to calm herself a little.
"Sasuke's behavior came with a reason. Someone has been messing with his medications, with his treatments since time ago and that's the reason why he started to get sicker often and get violent all of a sudden." Her words left me and the others clearly surprised and some of us had our mouths gaping in amazement. Tsunade-Sensei nodded just to give more meaning to her explanation and the gravity of it. I just could only think in one thing: someone had caused this to Sasuke-kun in purpose?! "The way the person or people did it was so skillful and well done that we never caught it whenever we checked Sasuke up. But all he had been suffering these last weeks is due to that sabotage. Sasuke was never really dangerous as last night even in his worst moment, not so violent and aggressive and out of control, not even because of his hallucinations. And with the treatments and medications we gave him it was less possible the chance for him to lose it like now. We had him under control and he should have been better and controlled, with normal presence of his symptoms. Someone deliberately caused this in him and with total intention and purpose. That's why Sasuke is so lost and out of himself right now. The sabotage has inflicted terribly his current state and had affected deeply his mind and body."
My heart throbbed horribly realizing that what it felt was true. Sasuke-kun was in a worse situation I could have dreamed of. As I heard our wise Hokage talking calmly and worriedly I just could imagine how hurtful and horrible it had to be for him to be getting lost little by little, piece by piece, not knowing what was really happening with himself and with the world around him spinning over and over and probably losing context and logic. I felt terribly saddened wondering if he had felt fear and couldn't let it be known due to his permanent silence. My eyes burnt when I realized all this due to the presence of the tears stinging at my firm decision to not cry anymore and be strong but I breathed deeply gazing serious at the Hokage.
"We don't know exactly when the sabotage started but it had been happening for a long time. What they did is unforgivable. Whoever was behind this almost destroyed Sasuke. I cannot begin to imagine what was going on inside of his mind. This is going too far."
She stated with honey eyes fuming in anger and authority. Now the question we all had in our mind was to know the one responsible for this cruelty and I frowned angered too at whoever had caused this mess and had hurt Sasuke terribly. We all have been waiting for him to recover, to get better and instead of that, he was just getting worse and worse and I didn't want to even wonder and think how this sabotage had helped his sickness to get stronger and more dangerous. It was too painful to consider it, to ask Tsunade-sama about it, it was so heartbreaking right now. I just wanted to see Sasuke-kun and be assured of his recovery and well being after all this madness.
"Who was it? Who was the one who provoked this?"
Naruto's voice cut the thick concerned silence and it sounded so monotone and steely that I turned to stare at him worried. But I was feeling the same anger as him and maybe more and I faced again our beloved Hokage frowning and clenching my teeth and balling my free fist. Naruto had gotten tense immediately echoing the fury we felt for whoever had hurt so our former teammate so shamelessly , his friend and almost brother, my only love and father of my child.
"I think it was the Council."
Tsunade-Sensei said serious and honest frowning angered but controlling herself as she shared her thoughts. I knew that even when the most of us had suspected something like this it couldn't be helped the surprise we felt. My body and mind immediately gripped in frustration and anger, wanting to reclaim and hit the ones that called themselves the "protectors" of our village. They had the responsibility to take care of all the civilians of Konoha and even Sasuke-kun after he had returned and had proved that he wasn't a traitor and enemy anymore and had helped in the final war. Were they so resentful still against him for being an Uchiha? So resentful to go those lengths to hurt him and punish him?
"I should have guessed." Kakashi-Sensei said sighing tiredly and lost in thought. "They had been trying since his return to put their hands on him."
I heard from far away all of my friends saying their speeches about their despise and surprise for the tactics they had used this time to tame Sasuke-kun. They were utterly and sincerely angry as Naruto and I mused about my dark haired love. I couldn't help to wonder intensely worried how he was doing right now and if he was fine, if he didn't feel afraid or lonely. Those were the real thoughts and feelings inside of me right now, above the anger and frustration I felt too for the unfair situation. I just wanted to see him and let him know that I was there. I just wanted to hold him, just hold him. I wanted to make his suffering to go away. I spaced out remembering that day when he had been staying at my house with Miyu and me, I recalled sorrowful the way he had fallen asleep with our little girl so calmly and I can say happily without a doubt in his own way. My eyes filled again with unshed tears that I hurried up to control and I sighed deeply feeling my throat hurting for my constant trying to not cry. I couldn't cry and I shouldn't cry. At least not now and here. Sasuke-kun was first than me getting lost in the pain of my aching heart.
"Unfortunately we cannot prove anything; we cannot prove their involvement in this."
Sai said for the first time and the blond Hokage nodded at him hissing frustrated. Kakashi-Sensei was narrowing his eye in real disagreement to what was happening. I knew that Sai was right, of course and that just made my anger to increase like a fire within me.
"There's no way to prove that Sasuke was lead to this result. What they used to sabotage Sasuke's treatments and medications dissolves in a very short time and it doesn't leave hints of its presence in his blood. And even if we can use it as a proof, what Sasuke did last night is the final proof of the danger he is to the village even if it was his fault or not. What happened last night was the thing the Council desired the most to finally have him cornered."
"And we're going to let them have their way just like that?!"
Naruto asked angered and hissing frustrated. I frowned infuriated and worried, so worried that I couldn't find my voice. Tsunade shook her head and a glint of determination filled her pretty honey eyes.
"Of course not. We cannot prove that Sasuke acted that way due to a conspiration but I'm still the Hokage and I can use my role and authority to protect him at least till I find the way to get him out of this. The Council hasn't said what measures they're going to take against him but I'll find a way, please believe me." She said to everyone gathered there and especially to Naruto and me. I nodded believing without a doubt in her words. "For now they still keep him isolated and under surveillance till he can regain his control. The Council wants to talk to Kakashi, Hiashi and me again in a couple of hours and I guess it's going to be then when they're going to tell us what they had decided."
"Then let's go to elaborate our testimony."
Hiashi-sama said simply serious and Kakashi-Sensei nodded frowning thoughtful. I knew that the three were ready to leave us to talk among them and discuss what they were going to say to any question the Council was possibly preparing to ask them. I gathered all my shattering force and determination and I took a few steps towards our highest authority.
"Tsunade-sama, I want to see him. Please, let me see Sasuke-kun."
Tsunade-Sensei stared at me sadly and quietly and I felt the stares of the others upon me but I kept looking at her begging seriously. I knew that Naruto wanted to see him too, and I assumed he had added himself to my firm and silent plead by the way our wise Hokage looked at him by my side. Hinata clutched my hand reassuringly like begging too in favor of my case.
"I just want to see him, that's all. I won't do anything else; I just want to be sure that he's ok. Just a couple of minutes, please."
"You know that I don't have really a say in it, right?"
I nodded still begging with my eyes cleared from unshed tears. I was feeling strong enough to not think in doing something worse to Sasuke's situation and I wanted her to be aware of it. I wasn't a child anymore and I knew well were Sasuke stood now concerning his precarious condition. I watched Naruto in the same wave of feeling of me, with his baby blue eyes fixed on Tsunade-sama as she was gazing meditative at the both of us. She sighed deeply and with a hint of a smile snorted.
"I'm still the Hokage, aren't I?"
I felt a rush of happiness and hope filling my being and I smiled gratefully at her and I heard Naruto gasping in excitement. Kakashi-Sensei smiled at us sincerely and I felt the support of all our friends.
"Thank you, Tsunade-Sama!"
"Great Tsunade-Baa-chan!"
"Probably they'll want my head for this but I don't care." She just said smirking shamelessly and making to snigger all of us including me. She turned to Sai then. "Take them to the floor where Sasuke is by the secret way and if you have to use your skills to provoke distraction, do it, you have my permission. Shizune is there waiting."
He nodded respectfully and then Tsunade-sama turned to face Naruto and me with serious stance.
"Listen, both of you. I'm doing this because I know how deeply the bonds you have concerning Sasuke and I'm confiding in you. I'll try to cover you even if everything goes well. Don't take more than a few minutes to see him and talk to him. I really hope you can help him now that he's so lost to himself."
She said genuinely preoccupied and hopeful and we both nodded decisive to do it. She glanced then to the rest of our friends.
"You all can go to home and rest. I won't give you missions right now after you have been released from the hospital. But be attentive at whatever thing you hear or see concerning Sasuke's situation."
My ninja friends nodded firmly and seriously and then she was gone with Kakashi-Sensei and Hiashi-sama. I waited by Sai's side as Naruto kissed Hinata lightly and happily goodbye and she wished good luck like the rest of them to me and Naruto. I was leaping in secret joy because I was going to see my Sasuke-kun at last.
I couldn't really know what way I was following behind Sai with Naruto's company as we walked through empty halls and silent stairs that belonged to floors of the old hospital that were in repair. I was just thinking over and over of Sasuke-kun, what I was going to say or do if he could recognize us or if he couldn't, if he wanted us there, or if he didn't. I knew very well that I wasn't going to see him as the woman madly in love with him; I was going to support him and help him as a friend, as a former companion and the mother of his child but nothing else. I wasn't going to force him to notice me again, even if he had done it already in that way that I couldn't really comprehend, and I wasn't going to bother him with the showering of my love like I had done when I was younger. I had grown, and I wasn't a child anymore and I had promised myself to behave like one concerning the love I felt towards him even in spite of everything that had happened between us and how much he had hurt me. I had taken the decision of being there for him even with all that in our personal accounts and I was going to stand beside him for Miyu and for him too. That was going to be the way to love him in my own way, waiting to not be hurt again in my futile attempts and wishing really to help him and be there for him. I knew I couldn't have him, not that way anyway and I accepted it day by day, night by night. But he needed me now, he needed Miyu and his friends and his well being was all that mattered right now.
When we reached the correct floor we were lucky that the Anbus designed to watch over Sasuke-kun weren't there and I wondered thankful if it wasn't Tsunade-sama's doing. We walked quietly and carefully along the large and white hall till Sai stopped in front of a specific door that had a small crystal window and I looked inside of the room behind Sai's right shoulder as Naruto did the same over his left one. I noticed that the big white room was almost empty and I could see only the bed and two chairs, and a small table in one corner with a jar of water and glasses on top of it. There weren't windows and I guessed there was a door leading to the bathroom somewhere but I couldn't see it from my spot. In one corner of the silent room the silhouette of Shizune stood quietly and still watching persistently to the opposite corner thoughtful and preoccupied. When I finally landed my jade eyes in the corner she was staring so lost in thought and worry my breath was caught in my throat surprisingly. There was Sasuke-kun sitting with his knees against his chest and his arms resting in top of them and his head tilted to the wall and resting against its coldness in a posture of seemingly defeat. He was wearing white clothes from the hospital and his black-bluish hair was messy. But what really saddened me and shook me deeply, angering me immediately, was the way his eyes were covered with a special white cloth with weird symbols in black.
He was blindfolded.
And noticing it I was reminded of the main thing for which I wanted to see him and talk to him. I had had it in my mind going on in circles since I had witnessed the Amaterasu and I had seen that special pattern in his crimson eyes. Mangekyou Sharingan. The sorrow filled me completely clenching my heart. Sai knocked and Shizune immediately opened the door for us carefully and not really surprised for seeing us standing at the doorframe. She talked quietly averting her dark tired eyes towards Sasuke-kun who didn't give us any attention at all.
"Tsunade-Sama asked me to bring them along to see him."
Sai explained and Shizune just nodded frowning worried. Naruto was staring shocked at Sasuke-kun, paralyzed between concern and frustration.
"How's he?"
I asked seriously and in Medic-Nin mode frowning preoccupied and pained for him. Sai stared at Sasuke-kun with that seemingly empty face he usually had.
"They ordered to put him under meds to keep him controlled. They had him sedated all the time. Sometimes he's more aware of the situation than others. When the sedatives wear out he starts to hallucinate pretty bad and he turns violent if he's provoked. We still don't have permission to treat him. Tsunade-sama is accelerating the permission. The longer he's not treated, the sicker he gets." She paused shacking her head lost in thought and deep worry. I frowned deeper with my heart shattering. "And they ordered to blindfold him to stop him from using the Mangekyou Sharingan. One of the old ones made that jutsu in the cloth he's wearing to prevent him to take it off. He cannot use it if he's so sedated and using that cloth covering his eyes."
"Sasuke…"
I watched the pain sinking in Naruto's soft and concerned eyes, just like mine.
"You two have to hurry up. Tsunade-sama said to take a few minutes to stay with him."
Sai reminded us softly and I nodded at him walking towards Sasuke-kun carefully and slowly trying not to disturb him or scare him, if he was aware of me, anyway. I heard Naruto getting out from his reverie and his feet followed my path immediately noisier and desperate. Sai and Shizune stayed at the doorframe watching us in silence. Naruto let me approach him first and I thanked him inwardly for his insight. I knelt down staring worriedly and painfully at his pale face noticing how shallow his breathing was. Was he eating well? Was he sleeping? Remembering that he was pretty sedated right now I dared to run my thumb on the top of his left hand reassuringly and slowly, smiling sadly without noticing in fact that he couldn't see me. He flinched abruptly when he felt my little and soft caress and I took his hand in mine trying to soothe him.
"It's me Sasuke-kun. I'm Sakura."
I said simply and sweetly trying to not let out a deep sigh of childish love. He just listened to me still and tense. Naruto knelt down by my side looking quite serious and meditative.
"Naruto is with me. We wanted to know how you were, we wanted to see you. To show you that we are here."
"Sakura-Chan is right. We were very worried about you, fool."
Naruto smiled like if there wasn't anything to worry about and I was moved by his big effort to show himself hopeful and relaxed. Knowing that we didn't have a lot of time left, I decided to go straight to the point. My heart screamed to stay here with him keeping him some company but I knew that I couldn't do it. It was for his sake. I ached for stay near him just holding his hand or holding him and whispering to his ear that everything was going to be ok at the end. I didn't want him to feel lonely or afraid. I wondered how he felt being blindfolded. Was he confused? Was he scared? Was he angry?
"Sasuke-kun, I need you to ask you something, please, and we don't have a lot of time left." I glanced back at Sai who nodded warning me. I clutched tightly his hand after I fixed my jade suffering eyes on him promising not to cry. "Please, promise me that you're not going to use the Mangekyou Sharingan again. Please, promise me. I don't want you to… I want you to…" A choked sob stopped me and against my willpower and promise some tears fell down from my crystal worried eyes soaking my cheeks. Naruto was staring preoccupied at me. "I want you to see Miyu grow up." I could finally say sobbing and trying to regain control and forget the rebel tears. I frowned desperate for him to understand me. "If you keep using it you won't do it. You'll lose your sight, you'll end up blind forever. You know that your sight's condition isn't really in its best shape for the former using you did of it in the past; you need to take care of yourself, alright? Please, don't use it again. I beg you. Do it for Miyu. Do the best you can to avoid using it. You have to see her growing up."
I said sweetly and desperate bringing his hand in mine to my lips and I kissed it sobbing sadly and heartbroken. I didn't want him losing his sight being so young, being so sick, and having Miyu. It pained me picturing him defenseless and unprotected now because of his illness and that could only get worse if he was blind. I held his hand against my cheek sobbing sorrowful and I felt him clutching my fingers softly in response. I was highly surprised by his gesture and I stopped sobbing as more tears rolled down my already wet face and with wide opened eyes I knew that he had understood me. When I crossed looks with Naruto I noticed he had seen it too. He rested his hand on his shoulder supporting and this time Sasuke-kun didn't flinch. He knew who we were. He was probably in one of the times when he wasn't totally sedated. Sai cleared his throat and I knew it was our signal to go. Naruto hugged him patting his back as Sasuke-kun sat down still and weakened due to the meds.
"Take care, Sasuke. Don't worry, Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-Sensei will fix it soon. Have patience, please."
When he pushed away from my dark haired love I wanted to do the same. Hold him tight. But I didn't dare knowing my position in our life and I just kissed his hand again before letting it go feeling physical pain as I broke the material connection between us. I caressed his face softly and lovingly feeling him still and half sedated and I accepted Naruto's hand to get up. As we were leaving the white and almost empty room behind us I gave Sasuke-kun a last glance promising myself to come again to see him here and wishing with all my heart to not have to do it, if he was free from the Council's grasp and in his own home and I could visit him there.
I prayed desperately for it.
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Tsunade POV
How you can learn the best way to give the worst news to someone you care for? I had been the Hokage for a very long time and before I was a ninja of Konoha and the third Sannin and after all that… I'm still clueless. It's heartbreaking and sad, really, being the highest authority in the village with a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Now I was staring at my pink haired former student waiting patiently for me to talk and communicate the result of the meeting with the Council and I was speechless worried for the reaction it was going to cause in her. And to make it worse, Naruto was there too with Hinata, Shikamaru, Ino and Neji. The two young Hyuuga had stayed for different reasons even when I had suggested them to go home and rest. Hinata wasn't going to leave Naruto alone and just like Neji was waiting for Hiashi to return. Shikamaru was the highest ranked in the young group since his young years and was a reliable Jounin that had more connections and liberty to know of important matters (in few words, he had promised the others to spy). Ino was waiting for Sai (who was busy with the Anbus) probably to spend the day with him. Anko was busy helping Ibiki and Gai had left with Kurenai to attend some pending missions. I only had Kakashi with me as a support and as an adult companion. I guessed somehow relieved that maybe it was better that I had to tell it to fewer people. In that way I could try to calm them and give them hope. It was easier to calm a smaller group in such a situation like this.
"The Council has given their resolution in Sasuke's case." I said death serious and frowning worried and frustrated, emitting waves of anger and disapprobation, after Neji had asked me how it had gone. Kakashi kept quiet spacing out and deeply unpleased for the result of our debate for long hours with the old ones and the important ones of the Land of Fire. "They have decided to imprison him in jail or in a special place where he doesn't have freedom to act and where he's totally under control and surveillance. In either case is going to be a prison for Sasuke."
I watched how Naruto frowned immediately and worry covered and paled Sakura's face. Shikamaru, Neji, Ino and Hinata were deeply worried and serious. I paused longer knowing that the worst part was coming and I had to say it anyway.
"I cannot do anything about it. Not even being his tutor. They consider that I cannot do my role being the Hokage and not even having Kakashi's help. We're not family, we're not bonded in that way to him to take complete responsibility for his acts. They're going to send him to a special place that it's not decided yet." I paused again but shorter this time before I frowned angered and serious. "But that's not the worst thing."
The four young ninja stared at me shocked and with big eyes waiting. Naruto balled his fists tightly clenching his teeth and Sakura held herself focused and intensely worried. Kakashi looked at me by the corner of my eyes.
"They have decided and ordered… to take out Sasuke's eyes. They want him to lose his sight."
My short and freezing calm words caused them to gape and stare in horror at me. Sakura's hands lifted terrified to her pale face covering her trembling mouth. Her emerald eyes filled with tears that rolled down her cheeks. I could see the pain and desperation besides the shock in every inch of her stunned expression. Naruto was enraged to the point that he even growled angrily and started to shake uncontrollably. A deep frown of fury marked his forehead. Neji was totally in awe and his eyes moved and fixed at empty spots and I knew he was thinking hard in my words. He was still and controlled but inwardly was shocked as well. Hinata was deeply worried for Naruto and Sakura and she showed through her pearl big eyes how she was so shocked and worried for Sasuke's destiny too. Her eyes were glassy and horrified and her lips trembled disbelieving. Ino was speechless and paralyzed with wide opened eyes filled in angst and worry. Shikamaru was deathly serious and thoughtful, with his arms folded over his chest frowning annoyed and disgusted. Of course, the first one to react was the blond Hokage wannabe who shouted infuriated and shaking in despair and anger.
"HOW DARE THEY…? HOW CAN THEY DECIDE AND ORDER SOMETHING AS HORRIBLE AND UNFAIR? SASUKE IS TOTALLY INNOCENT! HE DIDN'T PLAN TO GET SICK OR BE ATTACKED THROUGH HIS OWN MEDS! HE DIDN'T DO WHAT HE DID LAST NIGHT ON PORPUSE! IT'S UNFAIR!"
"We know it." Kakashi said sadly and thoughtful placing a supporting hand on one of Naruto's quivering shoulders. "It's unfair and the worst part is that we cannot do anything about it."
"HOW CAN YOU GIVE UP SO EASILY?! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT LETTING THEM MUTILATE HIS HEALTHY SIGHT JUST BECAUSE THEY CAUSED IT FIRST! SASUKE WOULD NEVER USE THE MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN AGAIN AGAINST KONOHA! WHY DO THEY WANT SO BADLY TO HURT HIM, TO CONTROL HIM? WHY ARE THEY SO SCARED OF HIM?!... I DON'T GET IT! AND I'M SO ANGRY, DAMMIT!!!!" Naruto yelled pained and shaking violently in desperation. Sakura was crying freely now totally in shock and meditative. I wanted so bad to know what was going on in her head. Ino wrapped her in a supporting and reassuring hug shocked too. "WE CANNOT LET THEM HAVE THEIR WAY!"
Naruto shouted at me and I was again faced with my role as the highest authority here. All the people in the village waited for me to have a way to fix things, they hoped and expected the best of me even if I had to work miracles. Staring at Naruto's crystal and angry eyes, begging me within that anger and worry for his best friend to do something. I stared at his baby blue eyes silently with my deep frown and serious face knowing that I knew he was right even before confessing them the horrible news. But even if I was going to try something I wanted them to know the reality and wait not only for the best, but unfortunately for the worst too. They needed to know it.
"Of course we'll try something but I want you to be really aware of how difficult and hard this is." After I said that Naruto's angry and frustrated behavior calmed down a bit and he stared hopefully at me and I felt guilty for my expected fail. "I won't give in without using all in my power to help him and stop this nonsense, but I want you to really know how things can turn out if I cannot do anything about it. Please, try to understand and accept that."
I glanced at every one of them reassuring them my point of view and posture about this and they nodded after thinking briefly what my words really meant. Sakura was the one who seemed dazzled and out of here, like if she was in another world completely different from us. I looked sympathetic at her pain and sorrow.
"Tsunade-sama is right." Kakashi said then serious and firm. "We'll do all in our power to help Sasuke, be sure of that. But be ready for whatever the outcome is. Whatever happens to him, he'll need us by his side."
A long silence followed his little supporting speech as we all pondered in quietness and worry the situation. Finally Sakura was the one who broke it seeming strong enough again without crying or sobbing, but with her jade eyes crystal and still full of unshed tears. She frowned still shaken from the news I had brought to her in spite of my own will and childish expectations.
"When are they going to...?"
"There's still time because they haven't decided where to send him. There's still the discussion of his state and little details to handle, but we'll take care of all that, don't worry. If you want the exact time, I can say perhaps two or three days. Shizune and I need to put him again under treatment." I said preoccupied and emphatic at her feelings after noticing how she couldn't end her question because her voice was cracking up in suffering. "And I'll demand the permission to let you see him if you want, when he's better. I promise."
I tried to smile to her but my intent was weak and sad but still caused in her the effect I desired. She seemed hopeful and happy in all these hopelessness and unfairness just for my promise. She wanted to be by Sasuke's side and probably bring Miyu to support him. I could give her and Naruto, and all the ones who care about our Uchiha that sort of promise. That no one was going to take away from me. No one.
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Sakura POV
After Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-Sensei explained to us what decisions had been taken concerning Sasuke-kun, she asked us to go home and do our normal things. We couldn't do anything for him right now, he still was lost and confused and just Shizune and she could help him in getting better. They wanted to control his hallucinations that caused him to be violent and aggressive. So with my heart broken already and my hopes battling my fears I had to obey her and go home and live my normal life. I had been so shocked when I heard our wise Hokage explain the decision over Sasuke-kun's life that I couldn't say anything in that moment and just stare paralyzed and it had taken me a while to recover from the searing suffering I felt knowing what waited for him. Ino accompanied me with Sai as Naruto stayed behind with Hinata and Neji still waiting for Hiashi-sama. Naruto had wanted to come with me too but I declined his offer wanting him to stay with them. Maybe Hiashi-sama could promise something else or say something else that could give me more hope and ease the incessant pain inside my chest. Shikamaru decided to go home and he seemed a little distant and meditative to me. But I was so immersed in my deep worry and true sadness to pry on it more. I went home and stayed with Miyu and my mother not feeling quite good to go to work. Mother had to return home by noon and I was alone with Miyu in my little apartment. I took her in my arms sitting her on my lap as she happily and innocently painted unshaped things with her crayons in white sheets of paper, humming a little tune Mom had taught her. I was smiling at her actions fascinated by how she picked colors and draw shapes, but half of me was far away in that white almost empty room in the hospital. It was kind of sad and ironic how I had worried for his sight when I had visited him without knowing what they had decided about his punishment. It was like I had sensed it or I had called the matter to happen. My eyes filled with tears once more but I controlled them and I blinked them away clearing my throat. I didn't want to preoccupy Miyu. My little girl was so young to know and understand what was happening to her father right now.
All that day I had spent it half away from my reality and half focusing in my daughter thanking her when she made me laugh or smile and wondering over and over how to help her father out of this. What I can do to save him from this destiny if Tsunade-sama couldn't do anything? I felt so impotent and frustrated at my uselessness and I nearly bursted in tears of anger and despair. In my quiet times I just kept watching him inside my mind as I had seen him hours ago and I tried hard to think in a solution to save his sight and his freedom. Naruto had been right in his defense towards Sasuke-kun but we didn't have proofs to support it. They had been so damn skillful to put him in the mere situation they wanted. By the next day I had barely slept and I decided to take Miyu with me to the hospital, not mattering if she could see him or not. I wanted her with me, to soothe me and give me hope in her ingenuity and I didn't want to bother Mom anymore. She had done enough staying a lot with her when I couldn't be there. I got us dressed up and prepared and after breakfast I took her with me but I didn't dare to tell her about the possibility of meeting Sasuke-kun fearing that I couldn't take her to him. When I arrived I immediately met Kakashi-Sensei even when I hadn't planned it. He waited with me and Miyu as we were silent and sitting in one bench outside in the gardens. The fresh wind and cloudy sky were really relaxing to my troubled and pained heart and mind. Kakashi-Sensei respected my wish to not talk and kept me company and soon was happily chatting and playing with Miyu as I watched them weakly smiling feeling light inside this darkness of uncertainty. Half an hour later Naruto appeared and joined them and soon they were acting silly and cheerful even in spite of their real mood and I thanked them silently the effort they did to ease me and make Miyu happy just with that. She had been really worried asking me for Sasuke-kun since she hadn't seen him days ago. I had had to smile and lie to protect her from the horrible true.
Your father is going to lose his sight and his freedom.
Hearing my thought clenched my chest painfully as I spaced out concealing my unshed tears and my desire to cry openly in front of them and all the people there. I needed to be strong and I needed to find a way to help Sasuke-kun. But till now, I hadn't found it anyway. I was so useless.
"Here comes Shizune and Sai."
Kakashi-Sensei's serious voice caught my lost attention and I got up as they and Naruto carried Miyu. They stood in front of us and I noticed how tired Shizune looked. She probably was doing a big effort, as Tsunade-sama, to control Sasuke-kun's illness again.
"Sai" I said softly looking at him and with a soft smile. "Can you take care of Miyu for a moment, please?"
I asked him trying to disguise my intense angst from my little girl. He nodded and took her from Naruto's arms. Miyu happily went with him without any problem or doubt, even when she wasn't used to him as to my other friends because she didn't see him often. I watched the two go for a walk finding amuse at how Sai seemed more scared of her than she as she was talking in her mismatched way. Naruto giggled as I smiled before letting the preoccupation to wash over me again. My blond best friend frowned immediately.
"How's everything?"
Kakashi-Sensei asked serious and Shizune shook her head sad and exhausted.
"Tsunade-sama is still discussing with them to change their decision but she hasn't been lucky yet. But we cannot lose hope, right?" She paused hopeful and sighed with calm and worry. "One good thing is that we started the treatment last night and we hope for Sasuke to get better after adjusting to it."
"What did Hiashi-sama say?"
I sighed relieved and happy for this news but I knew that the worst was still pending over Sasuke-kun's head. I turned to Naruto desperate after I had finally reunited enough courage to ask. I was hoping something good, a miracle maybe, but when I saw his face darkening in sadness and shocking slowly his head I knew that it wouldn't come. Not my miracle.
"I see."
I could only say nodding and frowning deeply anguished but trying to maintain control and a clear head. My soul can be falling apart right now but I didn't want to show it to anyone. Sasuke-kun needed me strong and I didn't need to be other worry in the list if I lost my mind due to my weakness.
"He was called for because they wanted to know if he could do again something to control Sasuke but… he said that it was too dangerous right now. Very dangerous, in his current state."
My blue eyed friend explained sadly and angered for the general situation. I nodded again without voice to say something else. Kakashi-Sensei laid down a supporting hand on my shoulder smiling kindly. I stared at him smiling in retribution to his care and worry.
"Why don't you go to see him again?"
"I can do it?"
I asked first at him flipping happily in my sadness as a little hopeful child but he turned to Shizune and I followed him. She just smiled tiredly as Naruto recovered his usual cheerful self.
"That's good, isn't it, Sakura-Chan?"
I nodded for the third time as I waited for Shizune's answer. I was happy and hopeful for this but I didn't want my expectations to go high because the truth could hurt me deeper than I already was.
"I guess it´s fine if you stay with him some time. I need someone to take my place watching him. We don't want him to be alone. I was hoping you, Kakashi or Naruto can lend me a hand."
"Of course we can!"
Naruto answered immediately brimming in enthusiasm and excitement.
"We can."
I said feeling contagious due to Naruto's sincere response. Kakashi-Sensei just nodded kindly agreeing.
"Do you think is safe for Miyu to see him?"
"I don't think so, Sakura. At least not today. Tomorrow it will be better." She said guiltily and smiling sweetly and I nodded knowing that I was expecting that answer sadly, anyway. "He's still jumpy and can be a little violent. His hallucinations aren't controlled completely really; the treatment is taking time to function in him. We need to wait a little longer for that. But tomorrow I can assure you that it will be good for him to see his daughter."
"Ok. Tomorrow it will be then."
I said a little saddened but happy that I was going to see him today. Would he recognize me as yesterday when I took his hand?
"By the way, who is with him now?"
Kakashi-Sensei asked curiously.
"Shikamaru. You can take turns to stay with Sasuke. Tsunade-sama needs rest too."
"Alright, count with us. Sakura, you can go first. By noon Naruto will take your place and by sunset I'll do it. Do you agree?"
Both Naruto and I nodded enthusiastically.
"I can't leave Miyu…"
I started worried and really wishing to take her with me to see his father.
"We'll take care of her, don't worry Sakura-chan! I'll call the girls. We can take care of our little niece."
"Thank you." I said sincerely touched and smiling grateful. Shizune yawned tiredly and her dark eyes filled with tears of sleep. She blushed embarrassed.
"Then I'll take you to his room. I need seriously a bed."
She laughed a little and we giggled before I followed her exhausted stance to one entrance of the building. I turned around just to wave goodbye to my former sensei and my best friend who waved in response smiling supporting. When I put a foot inside the hospital I was feeling really hopeful and happy for the chance to be reunited with him so soon. I had dreaded to it be more difficult but I found relieved that it wasn't, till now. I could stay some hours by his side keeping him company just like I wanted.
And that was going to be my way to show him how much I still love him against all odds.
I followed Shizune still spacing out and barely taking notice of my surroundings till we reached Sasuke's room. Anbus were standing as surveillance but they didn't say anything to her or to me and I guessed that Tsunade-sama had won this battle and I felt so proud that I smirked imaging the Council's reactions to our visits to their favorite prisoner. I didn't really believe that I was going to spend the morning with him till I was inside the big white room and staring at him smiling worried and enchanted. Yeah, he enchanted me even just sitting in the same corner as yesterday blindfolded and totally sedated, still and quiet. He didn't need to do anything else to melt me like an ice cream under the Sun. Shikamaru, who was quiet and thoughtful, just nodded at us before leaving the room with a wave of his hand.
"You can only take off the cloth from his eyes when he needs to. Like for eating or going to the bathroom. Sometimes I try to delay the time when he's not wearing it. It has to be pretty uncomfortable and scary to keep yourself blind when you aren't really, I guess."
Shizune explained to me by my side in low and soft voice looking at him too.
"Did they give the permission to do it?"
I asked her saddened terribly by the scene in front of me. He looked so vulnerable and fragile right now totally lost inside his mind.
"Yes. Tsunade-sama said that they were probing all of us, expecting us to fail in some way that can damage more his situation."
I nodded frowning angered as she spoke serious and disgusted.
"Well, I'll leave you now. You don't need to worry about feeding him. He has already eaten something for breakfast and at noon I'll come before Naruto to take care of the lunch time. I only have permission to do it but you can give him water if he's thirsty. If you need something or something happens, I left his new file on the table. You can read it while he's calm. There's some meds to help you to calm him if he gets uneasy suddenly. I hope you can handle it to not call their medic nins. They're really harsh and cold, you know."
She said sadly and I nodded again feeling more anger inside of me. Of course, I wasn't going to call them ever. I was a very capable medic nin myself to take care of him. Shizune wished me good luck smiling kindly before going out of the silent room and I was left all by myself there with him. My eyes softened in spite of my constant and never ending worry and suffering for him and weakly smiling I went to him with loud steps wanting him to know that he wasn't alone but he didn't react in any way. I had guessed right, he was totally sedated this time.
"Good morning, Sasuke-kun. I'm here again."
I said simply leaning down with a big smile imaging that he could see it somehow through how my voice sounded in the darkness they had put him cruelly. I stood watching him nostalgic noticing that he wasn't in all his senses right now and I went to the corner where the table stood and sat down taking his medic file and opening it immediately. I wanted so bad for him to regain some of his will soon, I just wanted what I had seen yesterday when he had clutched my hand, just that little gesture, just that little recognition and nothing else. That can make me utterly happy. It hurt me so much to see him like a lifeless doll against the wall lost in worlds I couldn't reach. It hurt so much that almost made me cry and I had to blink away my tears and focus in the papers in my hands but that only made it worse. There it was all the truth about his condition as I know it with the high differences caused by the sabotage of his meds. Instead of focusing me it made my heart to throb wildly in pain and sorrow but I forced myself to read. I read it totally in that quietness as he was here with me but it seemed sadly the other way around and when I finished it and I checked up the meds Shizune had mentioned I found myself gazing at him concerned and lovingly. I wondered how things could have been different if he had taken different choices or if I had done it, wondering if we could have been happy together at this point. Was that scenario possible when we could have taken different choices time ago? My pondering was interrupted when I noticed some shifting in the corner. I got up surprised and hopeful as I watched touched and smiling happily with sadness in my eyes how he started to move slowly and seemed to be confused at his surroundings. I supposed that it was hard for him to know where he was and what had happened when he was sedated almost all the time and blindfolded. That had to be pretty confusing indeed.
I approached him quickly and desperate to be near him and I knelt down in front of him filling my eyes with the millions of details that conformed his being. I dared to hold his hand again softly to let him know that I was there still even when we had shared just silence for a long time.
"Sasuke-kun"
I said clearly and calm and he flinched again like yesterday reacting to my touching and voice. His body stilled and his head turned to different spots like if he was trying to convey what was happening. Noticing that he was more awaken than yesterday I decided with my heart breaking to let go of his hand. It seemed that it made him uneasy than soothe him in any way.
"It's ok, Sasuke-kun. I'm Sakura and I'm taking Shizune's place in staying with you. Don't worry, you're safe."
I said smiling concerned and he calmed down a little after hearing me. He fixed his face in a way that he could have been staring at me but I knew sadly it was impossible. He was totally and perfectly blindfolded. What was I going to do if he couldn't see me anymore if the Council got their way? If he couldn't stare at me with that way that quickened my breathing and unleashed my pulse, with that way he melted me in an instant and burnt a path through my heart and mind? With that way that read me and left me bare naked in the spot his eyes laid? What I was going to do if he couldn't lock his beautiful black eyes on me again?
"It's alright. Do you want something? Do you want some water?"
I asked him hopefully for scrapping some big reaction from him and I did it. He nodded calm and tired to my heart's content and I stood quickly going for a glass of water to the table. I brought it to him in seconds as I knelt down again in front of him and I put it in his hands feeling electricity when our hands touched briefly but I dismissed it. I watched happily how he drank the whole water in slow sips with shaking hands and when he finished it I asked him if he wanted some more but he shook his head no. I took the glass gently from his hands and I got up and put the glass again on the table and when I turned around I looked at him trying to get up without success. He was so weakened and exhausted that my heart was gripped in pain watching his big effort and I went quickly to aid him even if he could reject me.
"Take it easy, please." I started worried. "You're in no condition to do big efforts by yourself. Let me help you."
Miraculously he didn't reject me at all to my own surprise and sad expectation. Glad that he had listened to me and was letting me to help him I snaked my arms around his waist trying to support his weight. e was still supporting himself with the help of the wall and feeling what I was doing he let go of the wall dropping his tired arms by his sides. That movement took me a little unprepared and he stumbled against me almost throwing me with him to the ground but I used my well known ninja force to avoid the fall. I supported him perfectly and without effort in my strong arms as he stood weakly and slightly shaking due to his weak state and the stress of standing up on his feet after being just sitting for a long time.
"There you go."
I said smiling and trying to hide the fear and worry I felt for his destiny. I was acting just like Naruto did because I didn't want him to know how sad I was for what was supposed to happen to him. I wanted him to confide and rely on me, to see me as a support. He didn't need me asking the same of him right now. Standing like that, with his body pressed against me my mind started to play tricks on me. I wondered weirdly how I hadn't broken something in him when we had slept together, after all, I had gained Tsunade-Sensei's techniques and I was able to destroy a big rock if I wanted with a mere punch if I focused my chakra on it, just for saying. Of course, it was a very different matter in normal life but my mind was so tricky right now that I don't know how the hell I connected the two points. I blushed deeply red after my thoughts toyed nicely with me and I thanked guiltily for him being blindfolded and unaware of my musings. I noticed that he was a complete head taller than me and that his soft and calm breathing was on my hair. He had laid down his head on top of my pink hair and his right cheek was resting on the top of my head as he seemed to be gathering the strength he had still in his sick body.
This was the first time we were so near and in a position like this since long time ago. I gulped still blushing like a stupid fangirl remembering the moments we had spent together when Shino had been very bad injured in that mission. I had been pondering in how he affected me still so much with his mere presence at the reach of my hand and how much I had wanted to kiss him then. I had kissed him later in another time. Now I found myself again quivering in nervousness, shyness and awkwardness knowing I was all by myself with him in this silent, big, white room and holding him so closely that I only needed to look up to steal the kiss I wanted desperately so much again. It seemed that every time I had him close to me I felt the uncontrollable necessity to kiss him as I needed to breathe oxygen. I tried to clear my head thinking that this wasn't really the time to be thinking in this kind of things and I sighed deeply closing my eyes and focusing in the matter at hand. My warm and red face seemed to obey me as my quick beating heart and uneasy breathing and I opened my eyes feeling suddenly the soft weight that pressed against my forehead. I was highly shocked and surprised noticing Sasuke-kun's lips touching my pale forehead. The blush returned stealing my face and I tried to control myself knowing he wasn't in fact kissing it, just supporting his face against it. But still, the weight of those soft, perfect and yummy lips made me crazy enough to almost hyperventilate.
Get a grip Sakura! Inner Sakura, who hadn't come since a long time ago and appeared at the worse times, whispered making fun of me. You're worse than ever, girl. Stop your fangirl acting already! Even angered for her apparition I knew she was right. It seemed that after sleeping with the only man I had loved since I was a little girl I had become a fangirl who can faint easily and that annoyed me. Haven't a lot of other things happened besides that particular one that enable me to act mature even around him? I remembered that I didn't act like this before. Knowing that we had been standing closely some minutes and probably he was wondering if I was alive I controlled myself in seconds focusing in erasing my embarrassment and blush.
"Let's go to bed." After the words left my mouth I blushed again and Inner Sakura laughed her head off. Feeling stupid I tried to correct myself and I thanked that Sasuke-kun wasn't really in all his senses right now and I felt guilty for it. "I mean, let me take you to rest. You need to lie down and sleep."
Nervously and smacking myself inwardly I helped him to walk slowly and carefully to the bed as I almost supported all his weight on me and I tried to sit him down but his own almost death weight pulled me with him when I did it and I ended on top of him when I couldn't hold him still and he laid down on the mattress without strength left to sit again. Unexpectedly and embarrassing I found myself laying on top of him as he rested calmly with my body pressed against his. I was so shocked and nervous for what had happened in question of seconds that I was stunned on my place staring with big opened jade eyes and gaping mouth and my hands rested against his chest that moved slowly in synchrony with his perfect breathing. Mine, by the other hand, was uneven and harsh due to my awkwardness and I wondered somehow annoyed and amused at the same time how he was so damn serene right now when I was blushing madly and paralyzed. I could almost feel his controlled heart beating and I was a stupid fangirl with nearly a heart attack. How pathetic, I thought embarrassed as Inner Sakura had had a stroke after laughing so hard.
I gulped trying to move my body but my eyes fixed on his pale face. Again I had to thank (unfortunately and guiltily) for him being blindfolded. I didn't want to see his look on me right now. Probably he was thinking that I was such a clingy thing and I felt nauseous at myself. His face was calm and collected as always but I could swear I saw the corners of his yummy lips curling upwards.
Damn. Now I could only think of that stupid word to describe them.
His arms were resting still on the mattress by his sides and I was still touching him like an idiot fangirl going all crazy over him. That had to stop.
"I'm sorry!" I could say finally finding my quivering voice and trying to get up as I put my hands on the mattress to do it. "I didn't mean it. I lost the balance."
And that was the plain truth. But the other truth was that I had enjoyed this and I had loved to be so close to him, in this quietness and serenity. Inner Sakura resurrected and winked playfully at me.
"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"
To my amaze he just nodded and I blushed all colors existed in one second. I had thought he was still dazzled from the meds but he seemed pretty conscious by now. The embarrassment tried to paralyze me again but I grabbed all the control I could find in myself to not let it do it. Clearing my throat softly and blinking nervously I tried to get up immediately but I didn't count with our clothes entangling. I cursed lowly blushed in annoyance and embarrassment as I was again pulled by our entangled clothes and I fell on top of him again but more brusquely and closely. I knew I hadn't been wearing this damn shirt but I had to do it, and I had to choose this damn day. Breathing heavily I found my left cheek against his right one and my lips near his right ear in a very suggesting position.
I felt like something was punishing me.
Reacting quicker than before, blushing and quivering in nervousness and awkwardness I untangled my damn shirt from his upper clothing and I got up taking some minutes to breathe deeply to clear my head and calm my heart and then I helped him to laid down correctly on the bed as I tried to shun Inner Sakura from my mind. I did it in medic nin mode, professional from the beginning till the end trying to focus in my actions and not in the whole bunch of sensations, feelings and thoughts that flooded my soul when I had been so close to him. This wasn't the moment, I repeated myself sadly and affected by it, Sasuke-kun didn't need this from me right now. It had been an accident and a misunderstanding and I knew he understood it like that when he didn't react different after I left him resting peacefully. I watched over him standing still and trembling in emotion and guessing he had fallen asleep immediately as I fidgeted with my hands against my throbbing chest.
When I was pretty sure that he was in fact sleeping I sat down on the same chair as before and I sighed sadly remembering this last moment. I recalled how nice his hair smelled and how silky it was to the touch and not only to the sight. I couldn't help to find perfection in every detail I saw in him and I wondered, as I rested on the table with my arms folded and on top of it and my head lying on top of them staring thoughtful and distantly, if I wasn't so lost in love with him to be blind in my affection. Was that why I saw him so perfect and beautiful? Man, now I was sounding like a real damn fangirl and I chuckled sadly finding amuse in my misery. Was that why I couldn't forget him and stop loving him even when he had hurt me so much and so many times before?
I spent a long time gazing to the horizon spacing out in old memories and feelings with a weak smile painting my troubled face. Here I was musing about all that had been awakened inside of me when I was close to him while his destiny was dark and uncertain. My pondering was interrupted when I felt Sasuke-Kun trashing in his sleep and I turned around frowning worried. I looked at him awakening and sitting slowly and clumsily still weak and somehow lost and I stood up going in quick steps to his side. He was still as a statue and I wondered concerned what was going on in his mind.
"Sasuke-kun?"
I said worried and gently as I extended my hand slowly to pat his shoulder in support but he reacted first startling me and got up from the bed with weak, slow and clumsy movements and tried to get away from my voice. I started worried and shocked how he was trying to untie the cloth that covered his eyes uselessly. Watching him deeply concerned and pained I noticed that he was listening to something and his blindness seemed to alarm him more when he couldn't see it. He was clearly desperate and tense turning around the room just using his hearing and I knew that he was hallucinating again. The meds had lost their effect on him by now and he was barely sedated.
He needed me.
Frowning intensely worried and yearning to help him and erase the panic I could recognize in his harsh movements and half opened lips I came over getting close to him carefully and attentive. I knew he could get pretty aggressive and violent right now if he wasn't handled correctly and I didn't want to give the Council other reason to strengthen their accusations against him. Fuming in determination and love I extended my arms slowly to his restless and weakened silhouette finding my voice in the middle of my angst and preoccupation.
"Sasuke-kun?"
He reacted immediately at my voice and stilled making me to flinch but I controlled myself instantly. My hands touched softly his arms patting them in a soothing mode.
"It's ok, everything is fine. I'm here."
He listened to me at first but then he turned around like if he was hearing other voices in the room and I could read perfectly the slight pain in his pale face for the first time and it broke my heart. Whatever or whoever he was following in his blindness just with his hearing was hurting him and that hurt me too in synchrony. I couldn't stand seeing him suffering without knowing how to help him and erase it forever from him. He pulled away brusquely from my yearning hands and his restlessness increased suddenly when he started to turn around facing all the big white room without stopping, like if the thing he was following moved quickly like the wind. My desperation, worry and frustration intensified causing physical pain and I approached him again wanting to help him without the help of the meds. I didn't want to keep him under medication all the time even when I knew it was necessary. I couldn't keep him away like a ghost. I needed to find a way to soothe him and help him in my own way, just like Miyu did only staying beside him. I wished to have that gift of hers, I wanted to be helpful in his life and heart as our little girl was but I could have enough just to calm him this once.
That was why I gathered all my determination and love and I got closer to him once more carefully and slowly reaching up for his body to wrap my arms around his tense being. I feared for him to react badly to my advance and I dreaded horribly the possibility of injuring or harming him in any way. That could only make his situation worse, I repeated myself. Soon my arms grabbed softly his arms again as I heard his harsh and uneven breathing and I threw myself to his chest wrapping my arms protectively around his shaking figure. He shifted a little trying to get rid off me but I didn't let him go and my arms tighten up around his shoulders hushing in low voice as my hands patted his back caring.
"Everything is fine… I'm here, I'm here…" I repeated softly and with eyes filled with rebel tears and my throat hurting as I hushed at him soothingly. "Calm down, there's nothing to worry about, it's not real, it's not real, you and I are, just you and I are."
Surprisingly and relieving I was aware that he in fact was calming down little by little in my embrace. He was still trapped in his world but at least he wasn't trying to run away from me and I thanked that without lessening my strength holding his beloved body. I went on patting his back in the same soothing pattern hushing and I wondered sadly and preoccupied and really interested in what he saw in his hallucinations that seemed to hurt him so much. I could still see the pain shadowing the expression I could look besides the cloth blindfolding him and I really wanted to know what was in that world inside his mind that made him suffer so much.
"What do you see, Sasuke-kun? Who do you see? Who do you hear?"
I said lowly more to myself in my pondering than asking him but he seemed to react somehow to my questioning and his restlessness appeared again with force and I had to hold him tighter to not let him go. Shaking in worry and love I was able to contain him in the prison of my arms and I felt proud in my deep sadness and hurting ache. What can I do to help you, Sasuke-kun? I asked myself as I stared with blurry eyes at his pale face still grimacing in inner and emotional hurt.
I wish I could understand your pain.
"Everything is fine, don't worry, Sasuke-kun. I'm here, I'm here. I'm real."
I said again like a soft prayer and I dared to untied one of my arms from my hold on him to take my free hand to his cheek and caressed it softly. My touching seemed to startle him but instead of trying to pull away he stilled and I was relieved. Still I could see the pain in his pale face and his tense body and just imagining his black profound eyes wearing it harmed my soul. Bracing myself and my unshed tears I lifted my head up till I had his lips at my reach and I brushed them softly at first to kiss them sweetly and softly then. I hadn't wanted to take some kind of advantage over him right now that he was so lost but I couldn't help myself having him so close and so pained. Maybe my kiss wouldn't mean anything in his life but at least I had kissed him trying to show him that I was saying the truth and that we both were the only ones totally real in that room. I wanted him to have something to hold on before unfortunately going for his meds to the table and give them to him even against my own will. Just one simple and little kiss, I told myself remembering that sometimes it took just a little kiss to discover a lot of things.
His body relaxed completely in my tight embrace as I kissed him and it didn't bother me or depress me that he in fact didn't kiss me back. His reaction was the one I was looking for anyway in this moment and this was all that mattered to me. When I pulled away from his warm and velvety lips he was entirely calm and breathing normally and he wasn't restless or pained anymore. He was the same calm and collected dark haired boy I had known since we were kids and my heart expanded in relief and serenity. I was still holding him and he didn't seem to mind at all and I didn't care that he didn't hold me back. He wasn't pulling away and that meant a lot to me. I had calmed him without meds and I had gained his trust and confidence in a moment probably he couldn't give them to anyone for not recognizing the reality surrounding him. We stood together like that in peaceful silence and comfortable atmosphere and even when I was shying due to what I had done strangely I didn't feel completely awkward or nervous. I smiled inwardly having him in my arms finding joy in such a simple thing. When I guessed that he was totally calm I started to pull away from him and I just let my hands on his arms reassuringly. I smiled gently looking enchanted at him.
"You're ok, Sasuke-kun. Everything will be fine, in one way or another. Let's take you to rest, ok?"
He let me take him to the bed again as I encircled his waist with one of my arms and with the other I grabbed softly his arm and I helped him to sit down again carefully on the mattress. All the while I was happy for my achievement and for seeing him calm again and I wondered sadly if he thought of me in some special way to had let me help him in that way. I didn't want my hopes high again and I shook that thought from my sorrowful mind focusing in this moment and in him.
"I'm going for some water."
I said still smiling softly and I let go of him turning around to go to the table but he surprised and startled me when he reached up and grabbed my wrist tightly pulling me backwards. I turned to face him highly surprised and I stared at him in shock and silence as he was gripping my arm with his eternal and soft coldness clothing his pale face. I couldn't see his eyes right now and I had wanted it so badly but inwardly I felt insecure about it. Perhaps he wasn't looking at me like I was imaging and that caused me fear for rejection. But still he was sitting still and tired with his arm stretched out to me and his fingers encircling my wrist in some way desperate. When I could recover my voice and mind and I got closer to him noticing that he hadn't let me go yet. Probably he had thought that I was going to leave him alone and I got preoccupied when I noticed again his restlessness coming back. He needed his meds right away.
"I'm here Sasuke-kun." I said holding his hand that was grabbing me with my free hand and a small and gentle smile. "Don't worry I'm going only for your medication. I won't leave you alone. I promise."
He seemed to understand me and reluctantly let me go. I felt joy in watching him and imagining that he really wanted me there but I guessed that he just didn't want to be all alone and he didn't mind if it was me, Shizune or other who accompanied him in that big white room. Still I felt happy for being here to support him in spite of my true and secret desire and the sadness brought for it. I went to the table and kept doing noises to remind him of my presence. When I returned to his side I noticed sad and worried how he clutched the sheets in his fists tightly balled and how his breathing was a little harsh and the big effort he was doing to control himself and not give importance to whatever it was here in this room in his mind. Immediately I gave him his medication and then I sit down beside him holding one of his hands between mine on top of my lap. I run my thumb along the top of his trembling hand soothingly as I watched concerned and pained how the medication started to have effect on him. Little by little his breathing calmed and his other hand let go the crumbled sheets and his slight shaking dismissed. The suffering painted in the parts of his face I could see was lessening too and I felt relieved and happy for it. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder but I didn't dare. Things had already happened to try other one even if I wanted it so badly.
We stayed in silence and in the same position the time I still had till Shizune and Naruto came and they found us like that when they arrived. I watched sadly how they raised their eyebrows curiously and shocked to see us so close and calm. Naruto's blue eyes sparkled like a Christmas tree and Shizune blushed like if she had caught us in a worse situation. I wanted to tell Naruto to not think what it wasn't but I couldn't with Sasuke-kun there. I wasn't sure if he could comprehend everything that was going on around him. Shizune had brought him something to eat and I knew it was my time to go. I was worried for Miyu even if I knew she was in good hands. Naruto helped me to take Sasuke-kun to the table where he sat down with our blond best friend.
"I'll come tomorrow, Sasuke-kun." I said to him as a farewell as I untangled our hands and I watched touched, hopeful and surprised his reluctance for me to do it. Naruto's look shone again like fireworks and Shizune averted her eyes. I almost rolled mine wanting them to stop this but instead I smiled sad wanting inwardly to believe what they believed. "Be nice and take care."
Finally my hand was free and suddenly it felt so empty and cold. I walked to the door after she took off the cloth that blinded him and I couldn't dare to look at his face finally knowing what had happened between us a moment ago. A warm and red blush covered my cheeks against my will and I forced myself to not lock my yearning eyes on him. I didn't want to see the result of my actions, thoughtless actions by the way, and his rejection. Maybe he thought I was such an annoying fangirl. I was dying to see his black profound eyes but I made a big effort to not waver in my decision. The memory of the kiss and the hug were too fresh in my mind and body to be really prepared to see him straight at the face. That's why I didn't directly see him but that didn't mean I couldn't observe him from the distance. He didn't try to catch my eyes either and that caused me contradictory feelings. I was sad because it meant that he didn't give it importance and it hurt me and made me think that I had done well not meeting his glance and I was relieved because he didn't react badly at it. Besides, I had the bad feeling that if I looked right now at his eyes it was like accepting the horrifying truth the Council had decided for him. Tomorrow I was going to see his eyes, I promise to myself, tomorrow I'll do it and a way to save his sight would be known. Tomorrow, I repeated sadly hopeful inwardly. What a mess I was. I stopped gazing back at the two young men in silence for a little moment and I chuckled happily but still worried and sorrowful at the scene where Naruto was already chatting cheerfully and exuberantly and Sasuke-kun ate slowly. I could almost see how normally his reaction towards our one future day Hokage would be in other time and I almost laughed at it. Some things don't change thankfully.
"You did a very well job, Sakura." Shizune said after she had asked me briefly how everything was and I told her in a short way not sharing the awkward moments between my Uchiha and me. "And I'm so relieved that the treatment is starting to work. That was why he wasn't more violent when the meds started to fade away. Before he could have tried to hurt you for sure."
"Thank Tsunade-sama for that. But he's still edgy and jumpy when the meds aren't working anymore."
"You're right. We cannot give him the complete treatment due to the sedatives the other medic nin gave him by the Council's orders." She confided me when I had showed my deep worry about it. I nodded frowning angered. "Tsunade-sama will take care of it, don't worry. It's imperative for him to have the whole treatment the sooner he can."
Yeah. I knew that probably Tsunade-Sama could fix that without a lot of problem. But after I had said goodbye to her and Naruto and I left the hospital behind me to go to Ino's house to pick Miyu up, I remembered again the more important matter at hand right now.
To save Sasuke-kun's freedom and even more important, his sight.
I sighed tearful and saddened still not knowing what to do, how to help. How to save him from it. That incessant worry didn't leave me as I picked up Miyu and I said a brief hello to her, Tenten and Hinata and I decided to go home to prepare myself to go at least some hours to work. Mother had told me that she would come to take care of Miyu and probably she was going to arrive soon so I had to hurry up. I barely talked with my friends because we all had things to do, Hinata and Tenten had training and paper work of missions to do and Ino was going to work too and I had to return to the hospital but not to stay again with my dark eyed blindfolded young man this time. It was going to be hard to be in the same building where he was without going to that big white room to at least see him. I had agreed with Kakashi-Sensei in his decisions concerning Sasuke-kun and besides I had work to attend to and I had to act maturely and wisely and not give a bad impression to the Council that could endanger Sasuke-kun's situation.
And I had to keep thinking in a way to help him.
After I arrived at home my mother came by moments later and she kindly prepared us something to eat. The few moments Miyu couldn't listen to us or wasn't paying attention at us I told her about the decision that had been taken about my child's father and I could cry a little telling her. I guessed it was too much to handle for me without my mask of strength I was trying to wear so desperately in front of everyone. She listened to understanding and sweet and she really was concerned and emphatic at Sasuke-kun's destiny. After taking a shower, eating something and rest a little I went back to the hospital but to work and not visit. I was going to work a few hours till midnight just to have something to occupy my mind and more importantly, my job meant a lot to me. I worked hard and focusing more than usual in the few hours I was a medic nin and Ino helped me a lot to laugh a little when she was with me and shared her dates with Sai with me. I knew she was trying to distract me and I was touched and grateful for those moments of relief and girl talk. We went to home together still chatting about her relationship with Sai and she knew by instinct that I didn't want to talk about Sasuke-kun because my voice was going to fail me as miserably as my eyes. So I enjoyed her talking and sharing even when I felt embarrassed when she confessed me that Sai and she had finally acted more romantically. I guessed that sooner or later they would probably go for it. I knew that she didn't mind to not wait till they got married like Hinata or Tenten.
The next day I didn't mind to wake up early to have all the morning with Sasuke-kun again like Kakashi-Sensei had proposed and soon Miyu and I were on our way back to the hospital, that was almost our second home. I had told her that probably this time she was going to see her father and she was shining in happiness and delight. I hoped for be it true. Shizune had told me yesterday that today was ok for her to visit him and my hope wasn't crushed when she was already waiting for us and I was glad to see her not tired anymore. She was radiant and very much alive and gave me the good news that finally Tsunade-Sama had permission to treat Sasuke-kun. I sighed relieved and happy for it, still sad and worried for the other good news I was still expecting but this was a good one. Tsunade-sama was busy with Hokage's activities but she still was fighting hard to help Sasuke-kun and that gave me hope still. Little maybe, but it existed. So after chatting briefly with Shizune outside the big white room I entered and my heart leaped in joy and happiness when I saw him sitting on the bed still and cleaned up. His black velvety hair was wet and he was wearing different hospital's clothes. He seemed to be expectant about something.
"Dada!"
Miyu squealed in my arms stretching her little pale arms to him and Shizune giggled behind me as I smiled. Sasuke-kun listened to her clear and high voice and turned immediately to the sound and I smiled wider when I noticed his obvious interest and even happiness, in his own way, for having Miyu there. The little girl kept calling him and wanting to go with him and I obeyed smiling coming over and after greeting him I put Miyu in his arms and soon our little daughter was jumping in bliss in his arms smiling and giggling enthusiastic. I returned to my former spot where Shizune was still watching over us and I looked at the two dark haired beings my heart loved entranced as Sasuke-kun held her sweetly and tightly. She was so happy right now.
"He won't lose it this time. Don't worry, Miyu can stay all she wants. Naruto and Kakashi-Sensei told me that he behaved very well and was pretty calm almost all the time they were accompanied him and that's good. And the rest of your friends came by too to visit and support him." She paused and I nodded still staring thoughtful at the both. "You know," Shizune added a little suspiciously. "I think he was waiting for you to come back."
I didn't look at her or say anything. In other times I could have turned to face her totally in awe and utterly hopeful wanting and believing like when I was younger. But right now, after all that had happened, I had vowed to myself to not let any little weird clue to fill me again with hope. It wasn't that I didn't want it to be true, I desired it with all my soul, but I had learned to protect my heart even a little after all that had happened. I didn't want to dream when that dream can end so easily in one minute. That's why I kept glancing adoringly at the both in silence and with a soft smile remembering that I wasn't in that role here. When my silence seemed to give an answer to Shizune she insightful just patted my shoulder a little embarrassed and emphatic.
"I'll leave you then. I have some things to do. I'll see you at noon."
"Thank you." I said finally turning to face her calm and smiling. She just nodded. "For everything. It's just that I don't want to dream again. The awakening is always too hard to stand."
I said sincerely after a brief pause lowering my crystal gaze and folding my arms over my chest and sighing deeply. She just nodded again.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"It's ok."
I said honestly facing her and smiling serenely. She just smiled gently at me and soon she was gone. I stayed in my spot glancing happily and smiling at the father and his child truly happily and for that moment I forget the dark destiny hovering over Sasuke-kun's head. I contented myself going to sit at the table and I read again the medic files watching over them from time to time. I put special attention at the new notes Shizune or Tsunade-sama had written lately. Miyu kept babbling looking sweetly and happy at him and when after a while she reached up to touch his face with her little hands and touched the special cloth covering his eyes I fixed my worried and sad glance on them. She seemed interested in that and probably was wondering in her innocent way why he was wearing something like that. Sasuke-kun kissed her forehead softly and lowered her curious hands from his face holding her tightly and gently at the same time as she looked up with a lot of questioning and concern in the little frown formed in her cute face. I felt so sad watching that damn thing preventing them to really enjoy their time together that I frowned thoughtful and balling my fists in response at my strangled emotion. Shizune had said that I could take it off if Sasuke-kun really needed it, like for eating or going to the bathroom and yesterday I had made a promise that I wanted to accomplish come what may. So standing up decisive I walked to the bed where the man I love was with my little daughter and I took my hands to his face. I noticed that he was aware of my nearness and he looked up trying to find me with the mere sense of hearing. Miyu stared at me curiously and I smiled at her. Soon my hands untied the cloth blinding him and slowly I took it off facing straight at his handsome face bracing myself. He had his eyes closed and slowly started to open them and I watched mesmerized how he blinked trying to focus and adjust to the light little by little. Our little girl clapped her hands smiling sweetly.
And then, he fixed his black beautiful eyes on mine.
And I stared back looking calm in the outside but falling apart in the inside.
And we both looked at the each other with no other noise besides Miyu's intent of talking. He stared at me with his common cold serenity and seriousness and that slight arrogance and I stared at him calm and normally, like if yesterday hadn't really happened. I forced myself to not look nervous or shy or awkward, to not blush even a slight shade of pink and to act like if yesterday it wasn't me. I knew it was childish and coward but I couldn't do anything else. I was too ashamed for holding and kissing him yesterday when I had promised myself to leave that behind.
"Dada! Dada!"
Thank heavens Miyu was here. She broke the tense moment between us and I faced her then smiling widely.
"Now the two of you can really enjoy the moment."
I said simply just looking casually for a second to Sasuke-kun asking him if it was ok and after he frowned glaring at me with a hint of preoccupation that surprised me, he returned his eyes free from the cloth to Miyu and his whole face softened. I went back to my spot at the table and I tried to pretend I was busy with the medic file once more but almost all my attention was over them. It was so cute and adorable to see them sharing time. I wondered why Sasuke-kun had looked at me in that way and I wondered how much he remembered of yesterday. Probably he could think it was just a damn dream. I prayed to be like that but with my luck, I guessed it was all the way around. I sighed and watched them from my chair really happy and calm for the longest moment in the last hours. Staying with the both in that way had erased from my mind momentarily all the worries and fears.
Those were the hours I enjoyed and treasured more, when Miyu simply stayed in his arms talking or painting or cuddling against him and he put all his attention to her. I could swear I saw him smiling softly but I couldn't really be pretty sure about it. And I spent it in my corner looking at the scene with a simple smile splattered on my face as my green gaze followed their actions with devotion. I was a little worried when I noticed his paleness and the soft black rings around his eyes but he seemed a lot better than days before. From time to time casually he averted his eyes and our looks crossed but it was just like the moments we had shared after Naruto's mad plan. We both acted casually like if yesterday didn't existed and his eyes looked at me in the same old way that I adore in spite of the lack of interest for me. Somehow I felt like if he was waiting something from me or like if he didn't expect to see me here. Shizune had told me that he perfectly knew what the Council had decided about him but he had reacted in his usual demeanor. I wondered what he truly felt about losing his sight and therefore, his abilities. She had told me that he had looked angered but he didn't do a fuss about it and Kakashi-Sensei had thought that he really didn't want to cause another catastrophe and that was why he had reacted that way. Could it be true? Perhaps Sasuke-kun didn't want the Mangekyou Sharingan anymore, or maybe he thought the price was too high. Could he think that he would be saved from this and that was why he didn't acted more aggressively? Could he really think this was the best way to deal with it?
I didn't know and I wanted so bad to understand his motivations but I just sighed tiredly and spacing out in my musings. I caught his look on me by the corner of my eyes and I noticed the same weird and confused curiosity. Feeling that the blush could return I focused again clearing my throat in the papers on the table and I pretended again to be busy while really my mind was out of the room and out of the building reminding me that the time had almost ended and I hadn't found a way to help him. An hour before the noon Shikamaru appeared and called me with a gesture of his hand to the doorframe. He only greeted Sasuke-kun with a nod of his head and the latter just nodded back narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Miyu was in his lap drawing and painting. I came over the wise Jounin as he was with that serious, lost and boring face he usually wears but today there was something else in his eyes and I was curious about it.
"Hello Shikamaru. What's up?"
I asked nicely as he shifted his deep gaze from me to the bed where Sasuke-kun was with Miyu. I wanted to turn around to see why he was watching them but I was more interested in how odd his actions seemed to me. Shikamaru motioned to me to step out of the big white room and I frowned suspicious and concerned. He didn't want to talk in front of Sasuke-kun and that alarmed me immediately. I followed him and closed the door behind me and I didn't leave his face once. When we were outside the room he let out a deep sigh before speaking lowly and clearly.
"Tonight will be the last meeting with the Council to finally decide where to transfer him and when to execute their order to, you know." I did know. To blind him. I nodded and my chest pained as I tried to breathe normally but I looked serious and focused at my friend. "I know Tsunade-sama or Shizune was going to communicate this to you and the others but I wanted you to know it first." He paused and I knew that he had something pretty big inside that brain of his about Sasuke-kun's situation. The little hope leaped inside my heart. "I have been thinking in this for the last couple of days and I had gotten to a conclusion to help him and save him."
"What is it?!"
I asked desperate frowning between hope, gratefulness and concern. I had forgotten him in all this, I had forgotten that he was a genius and probably he could find a way to get Sasuke-kun out of this. Maybe the answer wasn't totally logical like the one Tsunade-sama or I expected but whatever that could help my Uchiha would be better than the current situation. I was so divided between hope and fear that my body shook a little from the emotions running through it. It was tonight… he had said it. Today was the last day, the day, the dateline. Shikamaru averted his black insightful eyes a second before answering me in his voice calm and low.
"I had thought in two ways to do this but I'll tell you the first. I need time to really know if the second one can be possible and I want you to really think in what the both could mean."
I nodded at him frowning and knowing perfectly that I had been right. They weren't easy ways as our Hokage or me wanted or expected to find. I felt dread but saving Sasuke-kun was more important right now.
"The first one is to get him out of Konoha but never come back. He would have to start a new life with a new identity till the Council eventually cut him some slack or just give up. He could not return here by any chance of course."
As he talked and his words sunk inside my shocked brain I knew that he was pretty serious and right about this. I hadn't thought in it because I didn't want Sasuke-kun out of his homeland and away from Miyu, away from… me. That mere possibility hurt me incredibly and I couldn't even dare to consider it but I knew Shikamaru was right. This was a good way to save him even when it meant that he was going to be far away from his village, from his daughter, from his friends, from… me. The pain of that showed clearly in my face and my eyes watered but I controlled the brutal emotions ravaging my mind and heart. Shikamaru noticed the effect of his words on me and patted my shoulder gently. He was like that, just supporting me for a long moment in silence as I pondered about it in solitude.
"I know it's hard to think about it but is one chance. I'll tell you later the other one when I'm sure about it, ok?"
He brought me back with that and I nodded feeling a little hope about the second way he had found to save Sasuke-kun. Could it be worse than this one? Just thinking it like that made me shudder in despair, fear and sadness. He nodded at me with a little smile of empathy before he was soon gone and I was left standing all alone in the long hall hearing his words inside my head over and over. If this was the only chance to get Sasuke-kun out of this cruel destiny then I knew I had to accept it even meaning what it meant. Losing him completely. I wanted to cry but I heard Miyu calling me and I sighed deeply and closed my eyes for a moment before coming in again in the room. She was calling me to show me a drawing of me and her together with her father and I had to smile and praise her work pretending that I was totally fine when I really wasn't it. I hugged her doing a big effort to not burst in tears imaging me explaining her why her father had left Konoha and I kissed her forehead caressing her black hair. I couldn't dare to lock eyes with Sasuke-kun fearing he could read me like an open book but I felt his intense glare on me. I kept my eyes glued to the drawing Miyu was still finishing as I heard her telling us what else she wanted to paint there and my mind was lost in Shikamaru's words and the hope of a better way to save him and keep him close to us.
Thankfully the lunch hour came and Shizune appeared with Naruto and trays of food and drinks. My blond best friend was like always, scandalous and cheerful in spite of his inner mood and greeted us noisily and happily while Shizune stared for a moment surprised at Sasuke-kun who wasn't wearing the cloth but she just smiled at me instead of scolding me for taking it off. I looked at my little girl giggling at her clothes dotted with paint. I gathered her in my arms kissing her cheek.
"You need to change sweetie. After lunch Hinata and Tenten will take you to the Hyuuga house."
"Mamma work?"
She asked me smiling kindly and I nodded ignoring the fact that Sasuke-kun was right beside me and all the feelings that stirred up in me.
"Yes, honey. I'll work some hours later. Now, let's go to change your clothes."
I carried her and the bag I had always with me when I take her out with her things in cases like this one and I went to the bathroom as Shizune excused herself and waved a goodbye to us and Naruto pulled Sasuke-kun by his hand annoying cutely him calling him to come to eat. They acted such like children sometimes.
Inside the bathroom I changed Miyu into new clothes and as I was digging in her bag and she was brushing her hair murmuring sweetly a tune suddenly that I didn't recognize, one of my hands found something in the deep part of the bag. remembered that Sasuke-kun had given her this bag in her last birthday. My eyes filled with tears again being reminded of Shikamaru's words but I focused in the paper I had now in my hand. It looked like some sort of letter. I opened it slowly and carefully really interested and confused and when I recognized the handwriting my heart skipped beats and my lungs stopped breathing suddenly. It was very familiar to the one I had come to know very good in former years, but now it was misshaped but I was pretty sure that it belonged to the same person. I stayed without hearing anything and still as a statue with the letter in my hand, gazing surprised and shocked at the letters on it. When my green eyes read the date and my name, the letter was for me, I didn't have any more doubts. The letter had been written by the person who was in the room outside the bathroom's door. It belonged to the only man I had loved truly all my life.
It belonged to him.
I remembered to breathe and my heart was beating normally again and I gathered enough courage to start reading it hopeful and afraid of what it could be found behind those lines. Don't be hopeful, I remembered myself. And when I finished reading it I knew I had been right and my fear had been rewarded perfectly. I didn't have hope to have his heart and I feared that he could find another way to crush my hope like he had done it right now just with paper and ink. I stayed looking at the emptiness with the letter still in my heart for a moment before I looked down once more with my eyes filled with crystallized tears and immense sadness and pain. The date was just from days after Miyu's birthday party.
I'm not interested in you. I don't love you. You're the mother of my child by casualty and I thank you that. I love Miyu even when I didn't plan to have her. I want you to do your life with other man and don't wait more for me because it will never happen. The best that could happen is for you to hate me for telling you the truth. I don't want to see you anymore to not give you false hopes. I only have interest in my daughter and in being a good ninja like before. Forget me.
It was harsh and straight to the point but I guessed that he had just written what he could and not beating around the bush to soften his opinions with more sentences of empathy. I gripped the paper tightly in my fist shaking in sadness and suffering as some tears escaped my rebel eyes. I had to remember myself that Miyu was in the same room as me and I didn't want for her to see me crying in misery and pain so I did an extreme effort to control the flood of my feelings and thoughts taking war inside of me. The only good thing was that I had been somehow prepared to not be fully hopeful for a change of his heart about me, ever, and that was why I wasn't crying my eyes and heart out and stormed in desperation and depression for knowing once more that he will never love me back. I was hurt right now, I was saddened beyond repair and I felt like a stupid for the twinge of hope I had felt a little when I knew the letter was from him and he had written it for me. That was the emotion on top of all, sadness. Smashing and crushing sorrow. I didn't have time and space to let this bury me in it so I reminded myself that this has been always the reality. He had only been completely honest about his feelings as I had been and I couldn't reproach him for it. I couldn't force him to love me not matter what I do for him, I will always be only the mother of his child and a companion for that, nothing more. I had always known, so I forced myself to suck it up and accept it once more and I supposed the letter was the reason why he had been staring so intensely and suspiciously at me. Probably he thought that I had read it and he was confused by my presence there in spite of it. Now I felt like a total stupid fangirl. He probably had thought that I didn't mind and I was begging for him to notice me, to love me. How pathetic I was.
I cleared my throat and dried my tears immediately when I heard Miyu calling me and I turned to her smiling the wider and happier I could in the moment with my heart broken and feeling quite foolish for being affected like this about something I had known for a long time. Miyu watched me worried.
"Mamma cry?"
"I'm just a little tired, sweetie. It's ok."
I said motioning her to sit on my lap as I was sitting at the edge of the bathtub and she concerned and gentle came to me and reached up for me to carry her. I did it and I sat her down on my lap embracing her from behind with pure and utter love. I kissed the top of her head controlling my emotions affecting my body. I didn't cry anymore. She, like understanding me in her own weird way and mysterious for her young age, grabbed my hand and clutched it reassuringly. I kissed her cheek grateful and smiling and we were interrupted by a hard and loud knock on the door.
"Sakura-chan?"
Naruto called me cautious and serious. There was some concerned edge in his voice that alarmed me because I felt it wasn't exactly directed to me.
"Yeah? What is it? We're ready."
I said with the most normal voice I could muster.
"Tsunade-sama wants to talk to us."
That was it. I stood up immediately putting the ball of paper inside the bag and taking it with me and Miyu to the door. I opened it quickly and I was in front of Naruto who stared at me trying to tell me something. When his eyes motioned to Sasuke-kun who was still eating at the table with a serious Shizune accompanied him I understand his urgency for me to catch it. Miyu looked confused at the both of us still in my arms. My blue eyed friend didn't want to disrupt Sasuke-kun right now. And by the way his face was paler, serious and angered; I knew things had gone bad for Sasuke-kun. The hope disappeared immediately from my heart and the fear consummated me instantly. This was the end.
"Give me Miyu." Shizune said suddenly staring at us with a pretended calm and smile. "She needs to eat. I'll take care of her."
I nodded watching by the corner of my eyes my Uchiha glaring at Naruto and me suspiciously but we both didn't dare to fix our glances on him. Naruto just waved a cheerful goodbye and pulled my by the wrist quickly as he made the way out of the big white room. I followed him waving a happy (I hoped to be it at least) goodbye to Miyu who was calm and watchful sitting in Shizune's lap after I had given her to the medic nin. I noticed the worry and confusion in my little girl's eyes and that crushed me but she smiled softly and I could only smile back at her with all the love I could show through it. I was lost in thought as I was pulled by and following Naruto by the large and empty halls and my dread grew tides in question of minutes.
"I thought you knew it already."
"Hm?"
We walked fast and together and he let go of my wrist looking miserable, sad and angry. It touched me so much that I wanted to comfort my best friend.
"Because you have been crying." He surprised me with that but I didn't say anything and I kept my eyes on the floor, just like him. "But this is sooner that we expected. We heard that it would be decided till tonight."
I nodded again with the pressure of everything trying to squash me mercilessly. Don't cry, don't cry, don't break into pieces, be strong, I repeated myself as a mantra frowning to prevent my unshed emotional tears to spill out from my crystallized jade eyes. I was lost in my world of worry, despair and pain when we entered into another big white room where Tsunade-sama was already waiting with Kakashi-Sensei, Ino, Sai and Hinata. Shikamaru wasn't there. My heart resurrected a little when I remembered our talk hours ago when the little hope wanted to enter it. But I couldn't hope again, not again, not in vain, because the reality was always harder than I thought to handle.
"The Council had taken a decision about where to send Sasuke." Tsunade-sama said going straight to the point. She was wearing the same face as Naruto. Kakashi-Sensei was death serious and concerned while Ino and Hinata were saddened and worried. Sai was unreadable as always but his dark eyes showed some sincere emotion. I sighed deeply frowning in controlled suffering and preparing myself. "They'll send him to an institution for ninjas mentally injured in the Land of the Wind. He will be secluded there for the rest of his life. They'll put him under surveillance all day and night." She paused with honey eyes filled in fire of anger. "I presented the possible case about the sabotage done to his treatments and meds as the reason to make him act violently and dangerously and how that destroyed the excellent work we had been doing to get him better. But it's useless. Everyone is scared and tired of him and no one wants to risk anything for suppositions even when I knew that freaked out them. They didn't like me finding the source of the problem even if I cannot exactly prove it. I cannot... do anything more for him."
Just as she had said that Naruto started to yell and act desperately again and soon Ino joined him trying to debate with Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-Sensei as Sai and Hinata just listened to in silence. I just heard them talking and discussing in desperate way about the situation in general lost in my own world of worry, sadness and pain. This was the end. They were going to take Sasuke-kun away from us and probably we weren't going to see him as often as we wanted. I remembered Shikamaru's option and frowning I decided that he was right. At least if he was away from Konoha and us due to an escape we will have a way to contact him and he will be away from the Council's grasp. I preferred that a million times than their decision. My emerald eyes filled with unshed tears and some of them fell down when I blinked realizing I had taken a decision. I sighed deeply bracing myself in the strength I could reunite in my soul and when I was ready to tell Tsunade-sama what Shikamaru and I had discussed I heard someone calling me from the doorframe in low voice, almost hushing. I turned around and I saw Shikamaru standing there and motioning me to follow him. The others were so busy discussing desperate and worried that they didn't put attention in me when I walked over him and I went out the room following Shikamaru with quick steps. Outside in the hall we stopped and we were very close to each other as he frowned serious and thoughtful staring at me. I blinked waiting for him to talk first, before telling him that his first choice was way better than the reality.
"The second chance to save Sasuke is a possibility. But it is your decision, mainly, because it involves you directly. I wanted to be sure that you were going to consider it. Did you think in what I say to you first?"
"I did." I paused hurt just remembering what asked of me his first option. "I had already taken the decision to go along with it."
Shikamaru nodded with a soft smirk that surprised me.
"Then you're ready to hear the second choice. Believe it or not, it is a lot harder than the first one. For you, mostly."
"I don't care. Just tell me and then I'll decide. It doesn't matter, just saving him is important."
Yes, that was all that mattered. Not even the letter I had read moments ago can endanger my true desire to help Sasuke-kun. It wasn't the case. If he didn't and couldn't love me ever then it was ok. I had always tried to accept it anyway. But that didn't mean that I didn't want the best for him and not only for being my daughter's father. I loved him, truly and sincerely, and even if he wasn't for me and he had hurt me with intention or not, I was going to help him not matter what. Because I love him and I wanted to protect him and I didn't want to see him suffering.
"Alright." I nodded curious and hopeful at Shikamaru's petition standing with all my will prepared. "Then, let's begin."
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Kakashi POV
Shikamaru and Sakura returned to the room with serious and decisive looks on their faces. We had been silent after we had discussed about the Council's decision and I felt so powerless and useless knowing that I couldn't do anything to help Sasuke right now. I knew all of us felt the same. The silence was broken when my pink haired former student frowned with a firm expression on her pale face and I knew she had decided something. Shikamaru stayed behind against the wall and near the closed door with his arms crossed across his chest and meditative stare.
"I'm going to marry Sasuke-kun."
Her words left us speechless, shocked and with gaping mouths in total awe. Sakura just smiled weakly with true determination and happiness in her jade eyes.
"What are you saying?"
Tsunade-sama asked disbelieving and stunned. Now we all were looking at the young medic nin with deep concern. I feared she had somehow broken down due in what terrible situation the man she loved so much was. But there was something so firm and hopeful in the deep of her green orbs that told me otherwise. She was facing our Hokage and me as her friends stared at her still shocked and quiet.
"I'm going to marry Sasuke-kun. If the Council wants to play dirty, we'll play it like that." She was suddenly serious and decisive. "Tsunade-Sama, you said that Sasuke-kun didn't have family that can be responsible or him. That can be taken as a lie if we counted Miyu as his daughter and I'm her mother so it's totally understandable and logical for us to marry. I think almost everyone in Konoha knows how much I love him." She smiled sadly but with a spark of honesty written all over her face. "They didn't specify what kind of family they were referring to and so, playing like them this game, I can take advantage over that. A marriage is a sign of maturity and stability, so, what's better than that? It's true that Miyu calms him better than anyone. With her Sasuke-kun would be on check and I achieved to gain his trust too. As my husband I can take care of him perfectly and with all the right and I'll have solely right on his life. I'm ready to take the responsibility and risk everything to save him. And if they still don't want to respect my rights as his wife then I'll take this to the heads of the Land of Fire or to every length I have to go to help him. You said that they're kind of scared of your discovery about their involvement and if they're like that, it's because they think it is possible for you to have or look for proofs to testify against them. Don't you see it? I can take advantage of that too."
"You want to directly lie about that. You want them to believe that we have them somehow cornered."
Tsunade-sama stated impressed, thoughtful and narrowing her eyes in worry. Sakura nodded smirking.
"If I have to lie and pretend that I can prove what they did to highest authorities, I'll do it. Just like they have been plotting against Sasuke-kun mercilessly. They're probably fearing to lose their ranks and roles. That's what I think they won't have a problem with the marriage. If I have to make the proofs real to battle against them, I'll do it and I won't drag anyone in it with me. This is my idea and my plotting." My former female student said seriously as the words seemed to be sinking inside our Hokage's wise brain. "But I'm going to marry him even if I have to drag him to it. It's decided."
I stared at her in awe of how much she loved Sasuke to decide something like this. I knew nothing we could say would change her mind. I was proud of her even in a situation like this. She looked so strong and serene right now. But still I have to tell her to see it like it was and how it could affect her and her life even if my words could hurt her deeply.
"Sakura, this is going to be a sacrifice, a great sacrifice to do. You know he doesn't feel the same for you. Your feelings are too strong and true but they won't ever be reciprocated probably. Are you sure you want to go on with this even knowing what kind of life you will have with him?"
I asked her sadly and worried but she didn't hesitate a bit. She nodded with a soft smile and grateful glance for my concern for her well being and still decisive and firm. Naruto was staring contemplative and still surprised at her. Tsunade-sama, who knew her well as me for once being her sensei, was analyzing her serious, moved and preoccupied. Ino and Hinata were amazed and touched for her devotion towards Sasuke and Sai was somehow trying to understand her decision shocked by the impression of her choice.
"I want to do it in spite of that. I want my daughter to have her father free and with his sight. I want Sasuke-kun to enjoy being her father because it is the only good thing he has that belongs to him right now. She's his family. And she makes him happy and she soothes him like no medicine can do in the world." She paused sighing with a sad smile and shining eyes and looking at all of us. "I know what I'm doing. I'm conscious about it. I know it will be a fake marriage and that I'll never have his love. But it doesn't matter to me. I'll regret it all my life if I don't do something I can do now to help him even if it is a sacrifice to make. I know I'll have hard times and I know what expects me in the way but that is nothing if I can save him. That's all that matters to me. I could have decided to help him to escape from this, from Konoha, but away from here and from all of us is something even harder to think than marrying him even without him loving me. I can't bear the thought of having him away and alone. I simply can't stand the possibility of keeping him away from Miyu when I can do something to keep him safe, protected and loved here. That's going to be my happiness." She paused smiling wider this time as we all stared at her understanding her sincere and open words. "I'm going to marry Sasuke Uchiha so tell the Council that if they want something with him, he's not going to be alone. He has a fiancée and a daughter that will defend him and take care of him."
And with that she turned around and left the room quiet and calm, not tensed, anguished or depressed anymore. The only thing that worried me was Sasuke's opinion over this. Even if Sakura had decided already so firmly, if he said no everything would be useless. Sighing concerned and a little shocked still, I guessed it was my time to lend a hand to two of the members of my former Team 7.