Kingdom Hearts III: Essence of the Heart

Chapter 18: One Talkative Ass

The ship's occupants had just finished breakfast. Mickey jumped to the control panel, heading to the closest world with Donald helping him navigate. Sora was sitting on one of the Gummi's couches, relaxing before the next stop. Kairi came out of her room, having showered and changed in her own private bathroom. Riku was still having trouble dealing with his loss of the great room she'd taken residence in. Will was busy polishing his Claymore, very proud of the weapon. Goofy followed his example and was now currently waxing his shield. Thorn had a rawhide treat, chewing it in absolute bliss.

"We're approaching another world," Mickey informed the others. Will and Goofy both packed away all cleaning supplies as they listened. Sora came to Mickey's side and read the world scanner.

"Well this is a new one," Sora claimed, "DuLoc."

/TRANSITION/

The team arrived in the world of DuLoc, now standing in a field of Sunflowers. Kairi inspected one of the tall flowers, taking in the scent.

"Well, I have to say; I like this place so far," the female Keyblade wielder stated, an angelic smile on her face.

"Yeah, it's real' pretty!" Goofy happily agreed.

"I agree," Will spoke up, still sounding emotionless. "It's peaceful." The positive comment earned him strange looks from his allies.

'Is he….happy?' Sora wondered.

"…What?" Will responded to the staring. From another part of the field, the party could hear a conversation.

"Ogres are… like onions," a Scottish accented voice said.

"They stink?" guessed a second voice.

"Yes- No!" replied the first.

"Oh, they make you cry?" the second one guessed again.

"No!"

"Oh, ya leave 'em out in the sun and they get all brown and start sproutin' little white hairs," this sounded more certain

"NO!" the first one yelled. "Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers."

The group looked through the flowers to see a large green man with antenna-like ears talking with a donkey. Most people would be surprised when they noticed the Donkey was the one talking back, but not Sora. Sora simply approached the two strangers.

"Hey, you guys seen anything weird around here lately?" the brunette Keyblade wielder called out to the two strangers as he came near. The question was quite vague, considering the worlds rather weird occupants. The green man and donkey turned their heads in his direction.

"Go away," the ogre shooed him.

"Come on, Shrek. Give the kid a break," the talking ass at his side spoke up. He looked up at Sora and held up a hoof, as if to shake hands. "Hey, name's Donkey." Sora took the hoof and shook it. The other members of Sora's group converged on the scene. The ogre, Shrek, groaned in frustration.

"Ugh! There's more of 'em?" he complained. Ignoring the swamp-dweller's comment, Donkey proceeded.

"The grumpy, green giant, here, is Shrek," Donkey added. Sora replied with his own introductions.

"I'm Sora," he said first, "and these are Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, and Will." The teen pointed to each of his companions. The spiky-haired teen offered a hand to Shrek.

"Yeah, nice to meet ya," Shrek said half-heartedly, refusing his hand.

"So, have you seen anything?" Riku inquired. Shrek and was about to answer when Donkey interrupted him.

"Ya mean those Heartless things that Farquaad's got?" the quadruped answered with another question. "Those things are a real pain in the neck, man. I mean seriously they kept comin' at us when we went-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Riku cut the loud-mouthed donkey off. "So, that's a 'yes'?"

"Aye," Shrek confirmed.

"Who's that Farquaad guy you were talkin' about, though?" Goofy inquired.

"He's the ruler of DuLoc and he dumped a bunch of fairy tale creatures in my swamp," the ogre informed, "and now, since I beat up those Heartless guys, I've got to go on some stupid quest for him to get my swamp back."

"So he's controlling the Heartless?" Will's question was more of a factual statement.

"I bet he's working with Maleficent!" Donald exclaimed.

"Shrek, could you tell us where this Farquaad person is?" Sora requested of the ogre. Shrek thought for a moment before putting on a clever smile.

"I could," Shrek claimed, "but, only after I get my swamp back."

"Are you kidding?" Donald shouted at Shrek in outrage. The ogre became irritated at the squawking duck.

"See Shrek?" Donkey said, "I'm not the only annoying talking animal out there!"

"Why you-" Goofy grabbed Donald from behind and held his beak shut, muffling the Court Wizard's insults.

"What if we help you get your swamp back?" Kairi asked, "Then will you take us to Farquaad?"

"Sounds reasonable, even to an ogre like me," Shrek replied.

"Then it's settled; we'll help you out," Sora stated. "So, you said something about a quest?" Donkey popped up again.

"Well, ya see, Farquaad wants to become a real king, so now we gotta rescue some princess named Fiona from a fire-breathin' dragon that guards the castle where she's locked up in the middle of a volcano," the donkey explained everything— good and bad—in a fast chatter, leaving most of the group stunned, the only one who wasn't was (surprise) Will, "What?"

"You really can talk a lot, ahyuck," Goofy told him.

"Yeah, it's torture, really," Shrek commented, continuing through the sunflower field. "Are ye comin'?"

"Right behind ya buddy," Donkey answered, he and the others following.

"DON'T call me that," the ogre commanded.

"Hey anybody else like to sing?" Donkey asked.

"ARGH!" Shrek exclaimed in annoyance.

Journal Entries:

Worlds Introduced: DuLoc

Characters Introduced: Shrek; Donkey

Author's Notes:

#1: I used a lot of word-for-word dialogue from the movie's subtitles, but altered it to meet the story. Because of this, Donkey and Shrek each have their improper speech patterns.

#2: I just saw the newest Kingdom Hearts 3D trailer! I was thrown into a mind-shattering, orgasmic seizure of excitement and ecstasy! ….so you might want to watch it