EM: This hurt too much for me to even have anything left to say.

Warning: Mature for Non-Graphic Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, and Pain

Burn

She always loved her boys. Never thought things'd turn out the ways they did. But a woman don't always know how shits gonna go. She marries a man, thinkin' he's gonna do right by her, treat her with some goddamn respect even if he had one helluva temper. And the next ya knows it, he's gone 'n got ya in a choke hold, demandin' yous fuck him right then and there. Puttin' that dick wherever he wanted.

He regretted that when he got a chunk missin' fer his shit. She regretted it too after he beat her fer it.

Man never gave her what she wanted. It was all about Earl. Earl wants fuckin' food. Earl wants to fuck. Earl wants to git fuckin' high. Mostly, Earl wanted to git high.

But then he started fuckin' thems other women, like she didn't know what the fuck he were doin' all those nights, out by his self.

He thought she was a fuckin' bimbo.

Man was fuckin' wrong.

Weren't till she had Merle that he started bein' more than just a fuckin' sonuvabitch. Man had a problem.

She knew she shouldn'ta had no kids wit'im. Shoulda left his ass long ago. But sometimes, ya just don't know how. Sometimes, ya just git in yur head that this is what ya deserve.

Then ya find out ya pregnant a all things. Got a baby on tha way. Then yur stuck. Ain't got no fuckin' way ta take care a the little shit, coz ya got married fer a reason. 'N bein' pregnant ain't no fuckin' walk on the rich side. Can't drink, can't fuckin' smoke. Shit, ya know ya need ta smoke sometimes. She couldn't deny it, had to slip one ev'ry once in a while.

But the moment she laid them eyes on her boy Merle, she knew she was in trouble.

Merle was like her light in that darkness. He were those stars way up the sky. She knew when he planted them blue-gray eyes on her, she were lost.

He was her baby.

She 'n him, they was inseparable fer the first few years a his life. Boy was 'tached ta her hip, ta her leg, ta her tit. He knew 'xactly who it were that loved him.

And Earl, nothin' escaped that man's eye.

"Tha's a boy." Merle reached forward, eyes sparklin' bright, as he took hold a his mama's hand. She was keepin' him steady, as he tried to keep his legs upright, movin' them one step at a time. Boy'd been crawlin' all over tha damn place, slow ta walk he was, 'n she wanted him ta start walkin'. Boy's gotta know how ta run, if ever he needed ta.

"My boy's first steps," she said proudly, her eyes burnin', cigarette danglin' from her lip. Her boy was tough, and he was persistent. Nothin' was gonna stop him.

"Ma," he bubbled out, squeezin' her finger tight.

"What the fuck is goin' on 'ere?" She froze, didn't fuckin' move. Merle didn't know the difference so he just kept walkin', big ol' small tooth grin on his face. She wanted to push him on, smile back, but Earl's presence, his shadow coverin' her, kept her from doin' so.

"Hell you doin' bitch?"

She turned back, keepin' her eyes low, avoidin' as much trouble as she could. She'd managed ta keep Merle 'way from Earl for now, but it was gettin' harder, the bigger he got.

"Helpin' tha boy walk," she said slowly, as Merle fell inta her, a small giggle escapin' him. She gripped him tight, foldin' him inta her. Smoke drifted up into her eyes, shadin' Earl.

She saw his eyes darken, his fingers twitch.

"Boy don't need no fuckin' help," he said, all quiet-like, dangerous. She knew what that voice meant, what Earl was capable of when he was pissed. And she knew he was pissed.

"How's he gonna be a man if yous always coddlin' him!" She could see it comin' from a mile away. His hand, sweepin' down.

Earl hit her so hard, she crashed to the floor, Merle still in her arms. He started screamin', thrashin' in her arms, as her eyes watched that cherry glow of the Virginia Slim burn bright against the floor, rollin' away.

"Fuckin' boy's gonna learn how ta be a man!" And then he did the one thing she'd never wanted ta happen. He grabbed Merle, hard coz he started screamin' even louder, and he pulled him outta her arms. Threw him under his arm and started walkin' outta the room.

She'd never heard Merle scream so loud 'fore, like his body was breakin'.

"Maaaa!" And she couldn't watch her boy be taken by that man. She rose to her feet and ran.

Ran and jumped on his back, wailin' on him and punchin' him and kickin'. Fuck if she were gonna let that sonuvabitch take her boy.

But he was too much. Too much man, too much muscle, too much fury.

He dropped Merle, and turned on her. Grippin' her by the shoulders and tossin' her over them. She slammed into the floor, all the breath just knocked outta her. And he started beatin' her, kickin' her, spittin' on her.

"Fuck you Beth!" And she didn't move. Didn't say shit. Kept her eyes on Merle, but didn't let Earl see. She grunted each time those blows landed on her but she kept the screams hidden deep inside.

Coz she weren't gonna let Earl hurt her boy. Not while she had the fight in her. Not while she had strength ta keep that man on her.

And Merle, boy musta known, coz he didn't say a peep. Just kept his eyes on her too.

Ever since that day, Merle'd been different. He'd not taken to her the same. Musta known exactly how Earl had treated her, deep down in tha smart head a his.

And that hurt her, deep down. Coz she loved her boy. Loved him like she loved nothin' else. But she couldn't do nothin' bout that now.

Coz Merle, he never looked at her the same. Never treated her like he used to. 'Specially since Earl never left him 'lone after that neither.

And it wasn't until Daryl came along, years later, that he took another turn; when she noticed that he was gonna be good for Daryl, no matter how rough he'd gotten in the years.

"Where you at boy?" Annabeth could hear Earl, trompin' through the house, lookin' fer her boy. He'd done and got high, shovin' that needle up his fuckin' arm. She may a liked her wine and her cigarettes, too much fer her own good, but Earl had a way with things that he shouldn't.

She slipped through the house, quiet so that Earl wouldn't know she was comin'. She weren't sure where Merle were, but Daryl was in the livin' room, playin' real nice with a wooden teethin' set she was sure that Merle had made fer'im. She waited at the foot a the stairs, smoke driftin' round her, as she waited for Earl to give up on findin' him. She was sure that Merle had taken off 'gain. Boy'd figured out not to be round less he needed too.

And then Earl was standin' in the livin' room, starin' down at Daryl. Daryl hadn't received so much attention from Earl 'fore so he just stared back, hands clappin' those wooden rings together, his big blue eyes wide.

"Fuck you lookin' at boy," Earl mumbled, almost slurrin'. She watched, in horror, hadn't thought it ever would happen 'gain, as Earl raised his hand 'gainst Daryl.

Daryl just kept starin'.

Beth started movin', knew she wouldn't make it ta stop Earl, but knew she had ta do somethin'. Couldn't let her Daryl feel the pain a that man. Couldn't let another baby suffer. Lord knew she'd done some bad shit in her life, but she'd tried her best, she really did.

And then Merle came rushin' in through the back door, and slammed inta Earl. He weren't nothin' but a kid, still growin'. He may a been big fer his age, but that didn't make no difference 'gainst Earl.

They fell to the ground, crashin' inta the end table, the lamp fallin', breakin' inta pieces.

Daryl started cryin' then, not movin', fat tears just rollin' down his fat cheeks.

"Git down here bitch!" She took a breath, calmed her beatin' heart and took slow, steady steps into the room. If Earl knew she were upset 'bout what he was doin', he'd get a rise outta it. Would make shit worse than it already were.

He had Merle pinned beneath him.

"You shut that thing up 'fore I do it." She watched Merle, strugglin' beneath him, eyes glarin' at her.

There was so much hate in that look. And she knew then, that he hated her. Hated her fer bein' too weak to protect them against Earl. To take'em away. To be stronger.

"Let'im go Earl," she started, calm as she could. His eyes went dark, grip tightenin' on Merle's throat. She felt her chest clench as Merle, her baby, thrashed against his arms.

"Which you want, bitch? Dun think the brat can handle what I got, but if you wanna take that chance," he started, smilin' real evil like.

And the floor dropped out from under her feet. Merle's eyes watchin' her face, so angry, Daryl's red and puffy with tears, and Earl's empty, with a danger she'd not want to wish on either a her boys.

"I can take it Earl," she said, squarin' her shoulders, but felt the shake in her legs.

Earl growled, "Dun want you bitch! I says pick one a them."

Pick one. Pick one a her boys to be beaten to near death, like it was a matter a choice between a apple an a orange.

And the worst part? She'd already chosen. The choice were simple.

Merle could handle it.

Coz her boy, her baby Merle, was tough, was persistent. He could handle anythin'.

She walked over and took Daryl into her arms, bouncin' him lightly, kissin' him on the side a the head. And she walked outta that room, out the back door, inta the woods, and didn't look back.

Even as Merle's screams echoed around her, breakin' everything inside a her.

And now, she were alone, with Earl. Motherfuckin' dick was downstairs, knocked out on his ass. She knew he'd had some nasty pussy earlier. She'd heard the snap a the door closin' behind him.

Merle was gone, like he'd been fer some time. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her boy, her sweet baby.

Course, she couldn't blame him, was even glad in some cases. He didn't 'ave ta face Earl long as he was gone.

And Daryl, her sweet angel, was out playin' wit some boys in the neighbahood. Wit Merle gone, he'd finally had some time ta hisself. She couldn't blame him neither fer findin' some time ta be a kid. That was a luxury nobody had in this house. She'd tried her best once Merle'd left, to protect him, like she used ta be able when she'd only had Merle. But the body got old, 'specially when ya got a man beaten on ya all the time.

Earl never seemed to get no weaker. No matter what he drank, or shot up, or did. Always seemed ta 'ave that strength bout him when he wanted to tear one a them up. And there were times, when she just couldn't protect her boy. Had to watch as Earl beat the ever-lovin' shit outta him. Those days, she felt like she could die, as her chest was shredded, and she couldn't breathe fer days.

And so there she sat, by herself, and Earl downstairs. She'd been drinkin' since she woke up, coz today, she didn't feel like the world wanted her. Wine bottles littered round her. Cigarette butts scattered 'bout. One cigarette burned against her finger. She only had a few left in the pack. The slims went fast, but she loved the taste a them. Loved the way that lady looked on tha front. Made her feel like she could be that one day, if she wanted.

Elegant.

But, she knew she couldn't. Couldn't never be nothin' but the wife of a pissed off, drunken beater, who didn't 'ave a single bone a love in his body. And her boys, her sweet babies. She'd brought them inta this place, inta this hell.

She felt the tears slide down her cheeks, at the horror of that realization.

She'd given them this life.

Made it harder on them when she didn't even know she were. Couldn't make it better even when she were tryin'. All she'd done were fuck up, her entire life. Never made her mama happy. Never made her daddy happy. And then she'd found Earl, like some bad case a the crabs that you couldn't just scratch.

No. She'd made her mess. Slept in her bed.

Now, she had to make it.

Wine wasn't all that good, so she didn't care as she let the bottle tip, and watched as the liquid poured out, over the floor, onta the clothes round her feet, and the papers that'd been discarded. Room was a fuckin' mess.

But she didn't care.

Coz Earl was gonna fuckin' pay. That man would fuckin' burn.

For all the shit he'd done ta her boys. The only thing she'd ever done right in tha world 'n he had ta go 'n make it wrong. She weren't gonna let him get away with it.

Not this time.

This time, she was gonna make him hurt. This time, he'd know what it was like to feel the pain, the burn a all the shit he'd ever done ta them.

She lit another cigarette, took a deep drag, tastin' that sweet ash as it burned her lungs 'n throat. She leaned back in the chair; legs curled underneath her, 'n looked out the window.

Daryl was out there somewhere. Merle was out there somewhere.

They was safe at that somewhere.

"I always loved you boys," she whispered, wishin' she coulda told them ta their faces. Wishin' they woulda believed her even if she coulda.

And she let her arm drop, to the chair arm, as the cigarette slipped from her fingers and onta the floor.

Where it rolled against the paper, rolled over the clothes, and slowly started to burn.

"Never stopped lovin' you," the tears still slidin' down her cheeks.

She hugged her knees to her chest, and watched the birds fly by, and the trees sway in the wind, finally feelin' free knowin' that her boys would be safe and that she was taken Earl to hell with her.

And she sat there until that house burned, the flames engulfing her.

"In this life we cannot always do great things. But we can do small things with great love."