Authors Note: Sorry I haven't updated in forever. Unfortunately, updates aren't going to be very often this summer. I have a hell of a lot of things I'm going to do, and the sun is waaaay to nice to sit inside on the computer.

What Is Peace?

After walking for only half an hour, I already felt scared to death.

Instead of continuing to walk beside the paved highway, I was sitting in a small grassy field to the right of the highway. While I sat there, I could only do one thing. Think.

While I thought everything through, I started to wonder. About everything. Everything that mattered to me. Or at least what mattered to me at the moment.

Mainly in my thoughts was Edward.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was a little obsessed about him. And I wasn't quite sure I would be able to stay away from him any longer. If I told somebody about my feelings for him, and all my thoughts, they would think it was separate anxiety, not love. I wouldn't blame them though. I almost believed that myself.

I would have believed that if I hadn't left him.

Especially because I left him because I thought it would be best.

What the hell is wrong with me? Can't I ever make a good decision? Why do I always have to screw everything up? Even if Edward hadn't felt the same way for me as I felt for him, me leaving was still going to mess everything up.

Why am I so messed up?

I was very close to jumping out of my skin when I felt something vibrating in my bag, until I remembered that I had packed my cell phone.

Right. I had a cell phone sitting right there. I was sitting here, regretting all the decisions I had made. The cell phone was so close I could feel it. And I wasn't calling somebody with it.

I brought it out and glanced at the time without answering the call I was currently receiving. Shit. Edward had left forty-five minutes ago. Obviously, he had already arrived home. And discovered my absence.

Damn. What should I do? Answer it? Ignore it? Tell Edward I was fine? Tell Edward to screw off? Ask him to come pick me up?

Why couldn't there be somebody who could answer these damn questions for me? My life would be so much easier. It would be practically simple. A walk in the park.

But nooo, I had to answer my own questions. In my opinion, that was not fair.

Than again, nobody seemed to give a damn about my opinion.

Without answering my phone, I curled up into a ball, laying my head on my bag, and tried to get some sleep. Actually, I didn't even have to try. The moment I closed my eyes, sleep took over.

But unfortunately, not for very long.

After I had been sleeping for not even five minutes, my cell phone started ringing again. And again. And again. And again.

Shut. The. Hell. Up.

I opened my cell phone to see who was putting me through this torture while I was trying to sleep.

Edward. And a bazillion text messages.

Oh right. I was probably considered 'lost' or 'kidnapped' at the moment. And Edward was probably going crazy because of it.

Should I give a damn?

I guess I should. But I didn't care about Edward's sanity at the moment. All I really cared about was making some decisions.

And getting this damn phone to shut up.

I wasn't the most high-tech person around, but I did know I could turn off my cell phone or turn of the sound. Turning off the sound would probably be the best decision, so I could still check the time.

After I turned off the sound and vibration on the phone, I decided I should message Edward back. Just so he knew I wasn't lying dead in some ditch. If I was, he would probably kill the sorry ass who did it to me. But I wasn't, so we didn't even have to worry about that.

Well, I didn't. But I'm sure Edward did.

I clicked the most recent message I had received from Edward, not bothering to read to ten before it.

Bella,

Where are you? Are you okay? I'm looking for you right now. Please call me right when you get this message.

Love Edward

Oh god. He was looking for me right now?

Instead of writing or calling back, I decided to read the rest of them.

They were all almost the same, filled with where are you? And Don't worry, I'll find you soon. I guess just sending him something saying I was find would be okay, right?

Edward

I'm perfectly fine. Please just go home, and stop looking for me. Don't expect me back anytime soon. Just pretend you never met me. Please tell Esme and Carlisle not to take it personally, that I just needed some time on my own. I'm sorry if I don't come back.

Love you always, Bella.

As I clicked send, the tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably. More uncontrollably than ever before. I felt as if even if I wanted these to stop, which I didn't, they wouldn't. My heart had completely taken over my senses. I couldn't even think straight. All I could do was cry out the tears. Eventually they had to stop, right? I couldn't keep crying forever, that was impossible.

There really was no peace on Earth, was there?

Maybe peace wasn't such a feeling, but more of an item. An item you couldn't buy.

Like a family could be a form of peace. Or having a child. Maybe falling in love, and knowing the other person loves you just as much.

But maybe peace didn't need to be with somebody else.

Like it could just be an artist finding the most beautiful place they have ever seen, and painting it perfectly.

Or maybe peace was the little things you barely noticed.

Like a bird watcher seeing one of the least common birds on their list of birds to see. Or running into somebody you haven't seen for years, and finding out that somethings just never change. Or hearing somebody tell you how wonderful you are.

Just having all the little things in life go well.

Having a day that looked like it was going to be super busy run so smoothly you have no clue why you even worried about it in the first place.

Having somebody magnificent worried about you when you were missing.

Maybe I did have a little peace in my life.

But a little peace wasn't good enough for me.

Authors Note: Do you guys want an EPOV? If so, I could write it. I probably won't update tonight or tomorrow, but I will try. Happy birthday to me. My birthday is on June 9th :)

Review for my birthday!